The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=baptizedinblood;35339045]k, HALP.
Long story short.
Girl was dating one of my friends a year ago, we used to all hang out, could tell she started becoming attracted to me. They broke up last summer, we started hanging out/talking, she was interested but still hurt so I gave her distance. Then we just stopped talking out of nowhere, I think she did something to piss me off, I forgot. Fast forward, it's January, we start talking again and we declare it as 'friends' from the start, I had no feelings for her at this moment, but we've been hanging since then and I've fallen for her. She's aware of this, we both remain as friends, she told me that I make her extremely happy and that she loves me, but I still get somewhat rejected. Fast forward to last Saturday, I took her to a show, plan on staying at her place after w/ me on couch, we get to her place, get a bit buzzed off some alcohol (note: NOT drunk) and end up sleeping together(not sex, but not just cuddling). I'm so mentally confused right now. We're essentially best friends but we know there is something unspoken between us that for some reason keeps coming back up.
I'm so confused right now, it's got me pretty fucked up as pathetic as it sounds. I can't sleep well and have lost my appetite.[/QUOTE]
talk to her about it, communication is always best
[QUOTE=SHOE3045;35339083]talk to her about it, communication is always best[/QUOTE]
We have, quite a few times. She basically said she wants to be friends, but then gets these random bursts of feelings for me every so often. I'm just confused because one moment, we're friends, next moment, something romantic happens and she basically goes against what she said in the first place.
[QUOTE=Pascall;35338373]I'm not blaming my problems on anything. And don't you think I'd do something if I knew a possible fix that would actually work?
That's sort of why I posted it here.
[editline]28th March 2012[/editline]
If the only solution I have is to wait it out, then I will. I've been doing it for years, a few more won't hurt.
I just needed a place to vent is all.[/QUOTE]
You'll be much better off than her in the long run, just keep that in mind.
[QUOTE=Eluveitie;35338561]I know you guys are skeptical of this[/QUOTE]
pff, not all of us are.
what you are experiencing is normal and you'll get through it. the best thing to do is just to convince yourself of that so you don't feel so bad about it.
[QUOTE=Pascall;35338373]
If the only solution I have is to wait it out, then I will.[/QUOTE]
Have you tried getting your parents to assign her specific jobs? That's how teenagers are usually broken in.. she might be too lazy to get off her ass and look for jobs to do around the house when it's messy, but if she has sole responsibility for A, B and C it might be different. Especially if you can restrain yourself and not do the shit for her if it piles up, at least for a while to give it time enough to sink in that no one else will do it.
Additionally, have her set daily or weekly alarms on her phone for the things she has to do, usually works a treat.
So Facepunch,
I'm a hefty guy, definitely overweight.
But this isn't really a major impediment on my confidence.
I don't feel compelled to lose weight.
Nor am I motivated. At all.
I know that personality is key, and that body isn't as important.
But I still do have a little bit of insecurity. Not even about the flab, but the stretch marks and acne.
Should I make an effort to lose weight, continue to build inner security about my weight, or both?
And if the former or the latter, how do I motivate myself?
Is this more of a thing to ask the fitness board?
Thanks.
[QUOTE=joes33431;35340065]So Facepunch,
I'm a hefty guy, definitely overweight.
But this isn't really a major impediment on my confidence.
I don't feel compelled to lose weight.
Nor am I motivated. At all.
I know that personality is key, and that body isn't as important.
But I still do have a little bit of insecurity. Not even about the flab, but the stretch marks and acne.
Should I make an effort to lose weight, continue to build inner security about my weight, or both?
And if the former or the latter, how do I motivate myself?
Is this more of a thing to ask the fitness board?
Thanks.[/QUOTE]
Definitely make an effort. You'll feel better about yourself. And there's a nice motivation thread in the fitness board, but this video works for me if I need to make myself do some exercise.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obdd31Q9PqA&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.facepunch.com%2Fthreads%2F1063738%2F6&feature=player_embedded[/media]
[QUOTE=joes33431;35340065]
I know that personality is key, and that body isn't as important.
[/QUOTE]
But see the two are linked pretty strongly. Not what you're born with obviously, but the state in which you keep it.
If I see an overweight person, I think "that guy/girl doesn't respect themselves. They have let their body slide way past anything acceptable, let alone attractive; how do they get up in the morning knowing that ? How do they live with themselves? They must have pretty severe [b]personality[/b] issues to have allowed that to happen."
Being overweight is a choice you made. Or rather, the choices you didn't make to prevent it. Building a fortress of "inner security" around this is just denial. You're worth less in the estimation of everyone, male or female, friends, acquaintances, strangers, parents, siblings. If you don't respect yourself, why should anyone else respect you?
Lose the weight, get in shape, make it your occupation and overwhelming primary purpose in life to sweat off every extra pound.
As of right now I don't believe you'll do it (reasons listed above) but if you do I'll give you a standing ovation along with the rest of the world. Good luck
Nah, I don't reckon it does. I have an irrational hatred of fat people and I wouldn't generalise them as lazy, at least not any more than non-fat people. Everyone's fucked up and people who can make it work can do it independent of being fat.
I don't think losing the weight is a big deal, only do it if you want to. Everyone has insecurities and stretch marks don't go away when you get skinny so you'll still have insecurities but might be comforted if you like your body a bit better. Motivation has to come from you so you really need to be the one to decide. Also don't go on the fitness board, they're mostly concerned with a completely different area of fitness. It takes a bit of mental training but it's not hard to lose weight if you want to.
[QUOTE=Pascall;35335324]God I would like to. I would so like to.
Don't get me wrong, I love her.
But god[I]DAMN[/I] she is the most lazy, ungrateful, bitchy, rude, self-serving, demanding, over-the-top drama queen I have EVER had the displeasure of being related to.
And I swear to god I cannot WAIT until she gets the fuck out of the house.
She sits at home for fucking 18 hours out of the day if she's not going off and baking cakes at her friends house, and only works on weekends. Meanwhile, both of my parents have full time careers, and I'm working two jobs AND going to school. So she's the only one home. And NOTHING gets done. My mother and I pride ourselves on having a clean house, okay? Even my [I]dad[/I] does more around the house than she does. So she does fucking nothing. All day. Just sits on her goddamn laptop on Twitter. I come home, there's fucking clothes everywhere, dishes still in the sink, bowls full of rice left on the counter with trash and food everywhere.
I'll get home after working for 8 or 12 hours straight and see this fucking shit everywhere and then my mom comes home and gets all upset because nothing's done and we BOTH get punished. I swear to god it's driving me up the fucking wall. And when she DOES do something, she does an extremely SHITTY job of it. It's like she doesn't know how to do ANYTHING. She can't wash clothes right, she can't do dishes properly, she doesn't know how to mop or sweep or even clean the goddamn bathroom correctly. So I end up doing it all myself because I'd rather have it done the RIGHT way than have crap everywhere still because she did a god-awful job.
So I don't get a moment to relax until fucking midnight after working and going to school and she's STILL SITTING THERE on fucking Twitter.
All. Fucking. Day.
Okay.
I'm done.
I think.
I really just needed to get that out.[/QUOTE]
Hopefully you feel a little better now, next step is to talk with her about it, otherwise you'll need to vent all the time and you don't want that.
[editline]29th March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;35338407]welp when i came up with a solution you just gave this lame excuse[/QUOTE]
don't be an ass, things can be more complicated than it seems, for instance Pascall might want to spare her feelings, or whatever
Going out to eat tomorrow with my two closest friends (my best friend and his girlfriend) and one of her friends.
Nothing special about it other than, one time she (bestfriends gf, currently very close friend of mine) was spinning around with the idea of which one of her friends to hook me up with; this friend was on the tought as she is a "rocker-chick", but unfortunately has a lot of bitchy days.
Superb for escaping the friendzone (seeing other girls).
Yesterday I managed to slip to my crush that I think she really beautiful, in an extremely smooth and suave way. Feels good.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;35347097]Going out to eat tomorrow with my two closest friends (my best friend and his girlfriend) and one of her friends.
Nothing special about it other than, one time she (bestfriends gf, currently very close friend of mine) was spinning around with the idea of which one of her friends to hook me up with; this friend was on the tought as she is a "rocker-chick", but unfortunately has a lot of bitchy days.
Superb for escaping the friendzone (seeing other girls).
Yesterday I managed to slip to my crush that I think she really beautiful, in an extremely smooth and suave way. Feels good.[/QUOTE]
Ask out your crush before you become "a great guy friend :)"
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;35340934]But see the two are linked pretty strongly. Not what you're born with obviously, but the state in which you keep it.
If I see an overweight person, I think "that guy/girl doesn't respect themselves. They have let their body slide way past anything acceptable, let alone attractive; how do they get up in the morning knowing that ? How do they live with themselves? They must have pretty severe [b]personality[/b] issues to have allowed that to happen."
Being overweight is a choice you made. Or rather, the choices you didn't make to prevent it. Building a fortress of "inner security" around this is just denial. You're worth less in the estimation of everyone, male or female, friends, acquaintances, strangers, parents, siblings. If you don't respect yourself, why should anyone else respect you?
Lose the weight, get in shape, make it your occupation and overwhelming primary purpose in life to sweat off every extra pound.
As of right now I don't believe you'll do it (reasons listed above) but if you do I'll give you a standing ovation along with the rest of the world. Good luck[/QUOTE]
Excuse me in saying that you're a bit of a pretentious asshole.
Like, really.
[QUOTE=joes33431;35347735]Excuse me in saying that you're a bit of a pretentious asshole.
Like, really.[/QUOTE]
also (iirc) a naturally skinny basta'hd
[editline]29th March 2012[/editline]
i can understand what he's saying, but he could have said it in a better way
[QUOTE=Autumn;35347930]also (iirc) a naturally skinny basta'hd
[editline]29th March 2012[/editline]
i can understand what he's saying, but he could have said it in a better way[/QUOTE]
Really? Because I don't feel that he has the liberty to estimate someone's worth in the world based around how they look.
[editline]29th March 2012[/editline]
I mean where does this guy get off making six million assumptions about someone based on ONE physical trait?
[QUOTE=joes33431;35347735]Excuse me in saying that you're a bit of a pretentious asshole.
Like, really.[/QUOTE]
His parents were probably one of those take every day like its your last, motivational lets shove it down everybody else's throats kind people.
Tbf id rather be carrying "some" weight for the rest of my life rather than live a life being worried about what I have to eat because ill need to sweat it off later....
And how does he feel that he can read the minds of everyone around me that they measure my worth based on my weight?
People like him are the reason that people are starving themselves and hurling up chunks in public restrooms.
i don't agree with it being a "personality issue", but i do agree that being overweight shows a lack of self respect, and self respect is important if you want anybody else to ever respect you (for whatever reasons)
[QUOTE=Autumn;35348180]i don't agree with it being a "personality issue", but i do agree that being overweight shows a lack of self respect, and self respect is important if you want anybody else to ever respect you (for whatever reasons)[/QUOTE]
I don't think that one should make on-the-fly conclusions about a person's self-respect based on a single attribute.
Have you ever considered that perhaps that person might have a condition?
Or that maybe they're in an environment in which losing weight is not feasible for economic reasons?
"I don't see what's wrong with these overweight people! Surely I can never ever make the connection ever that perhaps this person is larger-sized because they have lower metabolism than I! They must just have low self-respect! I'm going off to visit the Wizard of Oz now in my little closed-minded fantasy world!"
I'm not accusing you of saying this, but it's certainly one of primary the reasons for believing that ideal.
[editline]March 29, 2012[/editline]
I mean seriously, has it ever occurred to anyone who hasn't been overweight before (and I mean actually overweight, not like an extra ~10 pounds) that perhaps losing weight is [I]hard[/I] for some people?
Honestly, I'm really not one to open up. It's a bit hard for me, but here's the thing.
My girlfriend and I broke up recently, but honestly, I felt it was the worst timing. I just want to know how to get over her soon. Any tips guys?
not really. most thin people don't actively try to stay thin and when they eventually get fat, don't give a shit then either. someone who is fat younger in life just has that come earlier and doesn't care just the same.
i'm sure there's a personality correlation of some sort among people who are overweight but it's far looser than it seems and probably isn't as simple as they don't respect themselves.
[QUOTE=PrivRyan;35349243]Honestly, I'm really not one to open up. It's a bit hard for me, but here's the thing.
My girlfriend and I broke up recently, but honestly, I felt it was the worst timing. I just want to know how to get over her soon. Any tips guys?[/QUOTE]
Break all contact, don't look at pictures of her or anything and occupy yourself, be it just playing games or going out with friends.
Try and find the positive side to things as well if possible, you're now free to do what you like, depending on the reasons you broke up it may be better in the long run.
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;35340934]But see the two are linked pretty strongly. Not what you're born with obviously, but the state in which you keep it.
If I see an overweight person, I think "that guy/girl doesn't respect themselves. They have let their body slide way past anything acceptable, let alone attractive; how do they get up in the morning knowing that ? How do they live with themselves? They must have pretty severe [b]personality[/b] issues to have allowed that to happen."
Being overweight is a choice you made. Or rather, the choices you didn't make to prevent it. Building a fortress of "inner security" around this is just denial. You're worth less in the estimation of everyone, male or female, friends, acquaintances, strangers, parents, siblings. If you don't respect yourself, why should anyone else respect you?
Lose the weight, get in shape, make it your occupation and overwhelming primary purpose in life to sweat off every extra pound.
As of right now I don't believe you'll do it (reasons listed above) but if you do I'll give you a standing ovation along with the rest of the world. Good luck[/QUOTE]
I used to have a similar (but less extreme) view as you until I was put on medication that caused me to gain 30-35 pounds in 2 weeks
I've been a naturally skinny person all of my life, and earlier in the year I was even so underweight that I had to [i]try[/i] to gain weight.
and suddenly, I found myself getting larger than the average person, and I became incredibly self conscious. I worked out for hours every day and watched what I ate extremely carefully, and I still found it really difficult to lose weight.
Yes there are some fat people who could definitely help being fat and probably lose a lot of their weight, but there are others who really struggle with it
you really can't just go around judging people based on their weight, who knows why they are fat, it could totally be due to their personality like you said, or it could also be because of some completely unrelated situation
and fyi I lost a lot of the weight, I'm getting back to normal now, so this isnt just being defensive
[QUOTE=Lukeo;35349262]Break all contact, don't look at pictures of her or anything and occupy yourself, be it just playing games or going out with friends.
Try and find the positive side to things as well if possible, you're now free to do what you like, depending on the reasons you broke up it may be better in the long run.[/QUOTE]
Thanks.
The reason we broke up is because well. I'm not sure myself. My friend put it in better words.
We both felt like we weren't making each other happy, but we still had a lot of feels for each other. All righty. I hope I can get over this episode soon.
[QUOTE=PrivRyan;35349648]Thanks.
The reason we broke up is because well. I'm not sure myself. My friend put it in better words.
We both felt like we weren't making each other happy, but we still had a lot of feels for each other. All righty. I hope I can get over this episode soon.[/QUOTE]
You'll be fine, considering it was a mutual agreement there should be no hard feelings, had a girl break up with me over text the other week. :v:
Better to end it while neither of you are horribly depressed or feel terrible, go out on kind of a high note.
I saw my ex kissing some other guy yesterday and didn't give a shit.
Yaaayyy moving on.
[QUOTE=joes33431;35348263]I don't think that one should make on-the-fly conclusions about a person's self-respect based on a single attribute.
Have you ever considered that perhaps that person might have a condition?
Or that maybe they're in an environment in which losing weight is not feasible for economic reasons?
"I don't see what's wrong with these overweight people! Surely I can never ever make the connection ever that perhaps this person is larger-sized because they have lower metabolism than I! They must just have low self-respect! I'm going off to visit the Wizard of Oz now in my little closed-minded fantasy world!"
I'm not accusing you of saying this, but it's certainly one of primary the reasons for believing that ideal.
[editline]March 29, 2012[/editline]
I mean seriously, has it ever occurred to anyone who hasn't been overweight before (and I mean actually overweight, not like an extra ~10 pounds) that perhaps losing weight is [I]hard[/I] for some people?[/QUOTE]
You came into the thread looking for help and after reading most of your posts responding to the weight issue you don't seem to even want anyone's help. Autumn wasn't trying to insult you or say that you lack self respect, but rather that most people who look at someone that is overweight will assume something along the lines of "omg, that person is so fat. they must really not like themselves." Does thinking that make it true for everyone? Hell no. It is just a perception you and anyone else with extra pounds is going to have to either deal with or change their self-image over it because there are assholes who think that way.
I'm sorry for being rude in the first paragraph, but your responses brought out some of the worst in me. On the concept of actually losing weight, you have to lose the mindset of "losing weight is hard for some people and one of those people is me." That is a self-defeatist mindset and it won't get you towards your goal, in fact it will probably hinder you going forward. You have to consciously change your mindset towards, "Losing weight is hard, but I'm going to commit towards doing it." It's not something you're initially going to want to do, no one wants to work out when they first start because it does suck. However, if you keep pushing yourself to go to the gym or if you cannot go to the gym, to do cardio for 30 minutes to an hour a day you will notice changes in your physique and weight going forward.
If you really want help setting up an exercise routine you will need to set some short term goals. Going for longterm like 100lbs in a year, is very vague and you probably won't reach it because it is so far out. Do something more manageable like 5lbs in 2 weeks and gradually expand upon your goals as you continue to reach them. You can do it bro, I believe in you as a former chubby person.
ugh
facing a lot of shit from friends about leaving my gf
fml
[QUOTE=Evilan;35349721]You came into the thread looking for help and after reading most of your posts responding to the weight issue you don't seem to even want anyone's help. Autumn wasn't trying to insult you or say that you lack self respect, but rather that most people who look at someone that is overweight will assume something along the lines of "omg, that person is so fat. they must really not like themselves." Does thinking that make it true for everyone? Hell no. It is just a perception you and anyone else with extra pounds is going to have to either deal with or change their self-image over it because there are assholes who think that way.
I'm sorry for being rude in the first paragraph, but your responses brought out some of the worst in me. On the concept of actually losing weight, you have to lose the mindset of "losing weight is hard for some people and one of those people is me." That is a self-defeatist mindset and it won't get you towards your goal, in fact it will probably hinder you going forward. You have to consciously change your mindset towards, "Losing weight is hard, but I'm going to commit towards doing it." It's not something you're initially going to want to do, no one wants to work out when they first start because it does suck. However, if you keep pushing yourself to go to the gym or if you cannot go to the gym, to do cardio for 30 minutes to an hour a day you will notice changes in your physique and weight going forward.
If you really want help setting up an exercise routine you will need to set some short term goals. Going for longterm like 100lbs in a year, is very vague and you probably won't reach it because it is so far out. Do something more manageable like 5lbs in 2 weeks and gradually expand upon your goals as you continue to reach them. You can do it bro, I believe in you as a former chubby person.[/QUOTE]
Probably, it's a first impression that for most purposes can be overcome though so don't hold it too high. I see some overweight women that put a lot of effort into their makeup and it just seems deluded about their weight, try to avoid something like that and just be comfortable in it to minimize damage.
If you want to lose weight, it's not hard, so don't think that's a big obstacle. It really comes to do if you want to, that's it. We can advise but you have to decide because you have to motivate yourself. If you're still not sure, we can help more, but have a think about it for now.
The guy probably judges people on a daily basis which is why hes complaining about struggling to lose some weight.
Dont formulate an opinion on someone until you have met them.
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