• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=KnowProblem;35406992]In all seriousness, there is no easy short answer to that question. It purely depends on how flexible her values are. Or the amount of date rape drugs you have at your disposal. Good luck, in any case.[/QUOTE] If it would help, here's a bit of background.She's an "alpha female" who has a ton of friends, is in track, runs in cross-country, takes every honors and AP class she can, and for whatever reason is madly in love with me. She asked me out to the Turnabout dance, I obliged, and this being my first relationship I blindly stepped into the boyfriend zone. The relationship is official, there's been kissing and such, but as true high school fashion, nothing sexual has even come of it.She knows I am an atheist, and she knows that I know she is Christian. Her family is conservative, but not all too bad in terms of "pray erry day" (they go to a multi-denominational church). I haven't even seen her parents exhibit any sort prayer or show of their religion. I get along well with her friends (who are mostly Christian as well) and the relationship is great.I just want it to get a little more touchy-feely then touching hands and kissing. I'm not all the way though high school yet, and am curious on other's relationship experiences.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35405892] I can understand the desire to 'make peace' with your past and to try become friendly with an ex again. Good friends these days are far and few between, and so it makes sense to want to hold onto something that you've invested time and emotion in. However, I just want to pose to you these questions; is the friendship based on a real, rational, mutual connection, or is it more akin to an attempt to hold onto something comfortable that you want back? Is it arising out of a genuine interest in connecting with someone else as a person, or rather out of a fear of having to be alone again? You even just said yourself, of course the feelings are still there, and so really I would urge you to consider these sort of questions, and don't be afraid of admitting, and acting on, the truth. For a long time my ex and I tried to be friends, and it really just never worked out without complications. Only very recently have I felt a complete emotional disconnection from her and the relationship, and I think it's only when you get to this point are you in a position to decide if you want to be friends again or not. I've gotten here and I've realized that as much as I appreciate the time we had together, and as much as the memories and experiences we shared mean to me, I don't feel any desire to continue a friendship with her again. Of course by this, I don't mean completely booting her out of your life or whatever, and even since I made the above realization, my ex and I have chatted briefly a few times with no hard feelings. KnowProblem's suggestion is fair enough but I personally think you need to take this time off and really figure out where you're at yourself, and if you have completely and genuinely moved on. Only then would I suggest seeing each other and trying to break the ice to establish a connection again. All the best in any case dude :) [/QUOTE] Post of the year. You read me like a book. Although, I never actually feel lonely. I have come to the conclusion long ago that I don't need a relationship to be happy, as I am pretty capable of being happy the way I am. But. You are right. Having that sense of lost time and the bountiful lingering memories just makes me want them to come back. I do need to get over her. I thought I did multiple times, but it just keeps coming back. Hence just wanting to just be friends instead so it can maybe relinquish these thoughts. Stupid me. Instead of coming to peace with her, I need to come into good terms with myself and get real. Thanks Dark_Light for putting the time and effort of writing that big of a response. 'Twas very helpful.
[QUOTE=PrivRyan;35407470]Instead of coming to peace with her, I need to come into good terms with myself and get real.[/QUOTE] Too right dude. And trust me, once you get to the other end of it, you'll be so much happier with yourself and you'll be glad you did it, and you'll be in a much better position to judge whether or not it's in your best interests to go back to her as a friend. And hah, a portion of that reply was copy-pasted from a PM I recently sent someone else here, but you're very welcome nonetheless.
[QUOTE=Chezhead;35407039]If it would help, here's a bit of background.She's an "alpha female" who has a ton of friends, is in track, runs in cross-country, takes every honors and AP class she can, and for whatever reason is madly in love with me. She asked me out to the Turnabout dance, I obliged, and this being my first relationship I blindly stepped into the boyfriend zone. The relationship is official, there's been kissing and such, but as true high school fashion, nothing sexual has even come of it.She knows I am an atheist, and she knows that I know she is Christian. Her family is conservative, but not all too bad in terms of "pray erry day" (they go to a multi-denominational church). I haven't even seen her parents exhibit any sort prayer or show of their religion. I get along well with her friends (who are mostly Christian as well) and the relationship is great.I just want it to get a little more touchy-feely then touching hands and kissing. I'm not all the way though high school yet, and am curious on other's relationship experiences.[/QUOTE] Well, I wouldn't rush it. She'll probably be more receptive to it when she's ready. But as a suggestion, cuddling is a decent enough way to advance towards a more physical relationship. I really wouldn't push it though, just because you feel ready doesn't mean she feels the same.
Sorry about the whole wall of text yesterday. I was jolting with too much energy to even realise how much crap I was writing down. But atleast yesterday gave me some resolvement and closure so I did sleep well last night. [editline]3rd April 2012[/editline] I know you might not be with me on this idea. But I think that it would be best if I talked to the guy at some point. For now we are being bro's like nothing ever happened and I really don't know if he is really impervious to the situation or if he is just acting impervious. And I want to do it mainly for the sake of the friendship between us all, because I don't feel like a whole lot of buried feelings will do any good.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35405892] I totally understand dude. I am pretty much phobic of having bad breath, I feel uncomfortable even talking to a friend if I've just eaten and haven't had a chance to rinse my mouth or eat mints/gum. [/QUOTE] Hahaha, same here. But with me it's not phobia, it's just pissing me off. [editline]3rd April 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Chezhead;35407039]If it would help, here's a bit of background.She's an "alpha female" who has a ton of friends, is in track, runs in cross-country, takes every honors and AP class she can, and for whatever reason is madly in love with me. She asked me out to the Turnabout dance, I obliged, and this being my first relationship I blindly stepped into the boyfriend zone. The relationship is official, there's been kissing and such, but as true high school fashion, nothing sexual has even come of it.She knows I am an atheist, and she knows that I know she is Christian. Her family is conservative, but not all too bad in terms of "pray erry day" (they go to a multi-denominational church). I haven't even seen her parents exhibit any sort prayer or show of their religion. I get along well with her friends (who are mostly Christian as well) and the relationship is great.I just want it to get a little more touchy-feely then touching hands and kissing. I'm not all the way though high school yet, and am curious on other's relationship experiences.[/QUOTE] I am seeing a virgin right now, so I can somewhat relate. There's no specific tip on how to turn the tides around, it's how you behave. The only thing I could be deducting out of your post is the way you treat her. Instead of calling her your girlfriend, you started with "alpha female", as if you are always on your toes and ready to be tested over and over again by her. You need to make yourself the prize, and not feel the other way around. So what, she's in track, has tons of friends... those are superficial things, it doesn't make her any better than you. To make things short, don't push it, but engage in it; I don't have enough time to go in detail, so my best advice would be combining a few tips from the great minds such as mystery and a few ebooks from piratebay.
[QUOTE=AltUser;35385444]Right, I'm not sure where to start, but I'll give it a shot: I'm part of a group of friends, consisting of 6 guys and maybe 15 girls, but thats just a bit of useless background information really. I've been in the group since September last year, so thats what? 7 months, God, it doesn't seem like that long. But anyway, ever since I've been in the group I've really liked this girl (As more than friends). We used to talk every so often and we'd see eachother at parties, but only when the rest of the group are there. So lets fast forward, up until now we've just been friends, not particularly close as we would only talk every so often, but when we did talk we could go on for ages. Anyway, A week ago today (Although it seems longer than that) I decided to man up and do something with my feelings about her, so it ended up that we were to spend some time together going for a walk as the weather was nice. Bit of background information on her: She is on social networks via her phone like constantly, even if she's talking to her best friends she will have her phone out. So we went on this walk, and it turned out to be great, we met up at 5ish so I was expecting like an hour with her, but we ended up parting ways just before 8 (Because it was cold as fuck and we were wearing shorts). So it was great, and what I noticed was she didn't use her phone, not even once. When I told her friends about it they couldn't believe it, so it seemed like she enjoyed her time with me. We made plans again to do the same thing, except more organised as the previous time we walked for ages trying to find somewhere nice to go for far too long. So again, it went good, we stayed with eachother for 3 hours again, it took an hour to get to where we wanted, and we sat down for 2 hours then. But this is the bit that pissed me off, as we're talking she gets her phone out and goes on one of her networks to talk to this guy, now although he lives mile away (I'm talking like an hour drive atleast) I'm still pissed off that she talks to him while we're out with eachother. And I've started noticing that they talk to eachother quite often, he's in his twenties (and we're both 17), so I don't know why I feel so intimidated. Sorry to blabber on but I have more to say: We plan on going up one of the bigger mountains next time the weathers nice, which will take us all day, but that wont be for a couple of days. And I'm thinking to myself now that she could just see me as a friend and nothing more, there's been no intimacy between us at all, so what should I do to make her realise my intentions? Look at [B]Sunday_Roast's[/B] post below mine, this is exactly how I feel about her.[/QUOTE] Continuation of this: We went out again yesterday, despite her seeing a band live the previous night which she usually needs a day to recover from. The weather was also average, it looked like it could rain at any point, but we still went out, just not to the place we wanted to. We instead took a ten minute walk up the mountain and stayed there for about 4 hours. All we did was chat and stuff, but it seemed like we were both having fun as we were joking around with each other a lot. We also got slightly more uhm... personal? Playful? partly by kinda play-fighting. If I'm honest, at this point I think I might have a chance, I just need to show her my intentions now, any good ways of doing that? We plan on going up the larger mountain next time the weathers nice, so I just need a way to show her how I feel, I'm open to any suggestions.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;35408341]I know you might not be with me on this idea. But I think that it would be best if I talked to the guy at some point. For now we are being bro's like nothing ever happened and I really don't know if he is really impervious to the situation or if he is just acting impervious. And I want to do it mainly for the sake of the friendship between us all, because I don't feel like a whole lot of buried feelings will do any good.[/QUOTE] mate just fucking leave it wow no one needs you butting your head in trying to be a councillor. let it go, for all your sakes.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;35408341]Sorry about the whole wall of text yesterday. I was jolting with too much energy to even realise how much crap I was writing down. But atleast yesterday gave me some resolvement and closure so I did sleep well last night. [editline]3rd April 2012[/editline] I know you might not be with me on this idea. But I think that it would be best if I talked to the guy at some point. For now we are being bro's like nothing ever happened and I really don't know if he is really impervious to the situation or if he is just acting impervious. And I want to do it mainly for the sake of the friendship between us all, because I don't feel like a whole lot of buried feelings will do any good.[/QUOTE] Stop writing such drivel, no one likes it when you come on here trying too hard to sound intelligent. You don't need to communicate your every thought either, just stop reading too far into every tiny event in your life.
Fuck, I need to get a grip of myself. [editline]3rd April 2012[/editline] I'll shut the fuck up about what I've been talking about. Gonna only post about other advancements. With the exception of something really drastic happening on the current front.
[QUOTE=AltUser;35409949]Continuation of this: We went out again yesterday, despite her seeing a band live the previous night which she usually needs a day to recover from. The weather was also average, it looked like it could rain at any point, but we still went out, just not to the place we wanted to. We instead took a ten minute walk up the mountain and stayed there for about 4 hours. All we did was chat and stuff, but it seemed like we were both having fun as we were joking around with each other a lot. We also got slightly more uhm... personal? Playful? partly by kinda play-fighting. If I'm honest, at this point I think I might have a chance, I just need to show her my intentions now, any good ways of doing that? We plan on going up the larger mountain next time the weathers nice, so I just need a way to show her how I feel, I'm open to any suggestions.[/QUOTE] i know i suggested this last time, and this date you just went on would have been perfect for it, but you're at least getting confident she likes you. you need to just let go of all your thoughts about whether she likes you when you're with her and just assume she does. grab her hand and hold it, don't hesitate, just do it, it's the first good, easy step toward everything else. you'll be able to progress naturally into a kiss from there eventually. [editline]3rd April 2012[/editline] just make a move, or she's really going to end up thinking you're not interested in her as anything more than friends.
Texted another girl from that party the other night, getting together for lunch next week. I'm starting to actually realize how casual and easy this all is, seriously guys. Getting a girl's number and grabbing something to eat together is [i]not[/i] a big deal, we all have to understand that. Once that initial date is over, that's when you start deciding if she's someone you want to pursue or not. You really, really don't have to be bfflzz with the girl before asking her out, you don't really have to know her that much at all; getting to know each other is the whole point of dating! Just carry yourself confidently, understand that what you're doing is not some massive thing to worry about, and just approach with a warm, genuine, smile. Tell her you think you should get together some time for a drink/lunch, hand her your phone and ask her to put her number in, then text her a few days later. Either that or just ask her then and there, depending on the situation. Seriously guys, just go do it. It's only as big of a deal as you make it. If you think it's this impossible challenge that's going to be so awkward and difficult and that she's going to say no blah blah blah, then well done, that's exactly what it's going to be. If you instead understand that it's not a big thing at all, and that it's just a very casual and friendly thing that you can and will do, then well, you're also right.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35420934]Texted another girl from that party the other night, getting together for lunch next week. I'm starting to actually realize how casual and easy this all is, seriously guys. Getting a girl's number and grabbing something to eat together is [i]not[/i] a big deal, we all have to understand that. Once that initial date is over, that's when you start deciding if she's someone you want to pursue or not. You really, really don't have to be bfflzz with the girl before asking her out, you don't really have to know her that much at all; getting to know each other is the whole point of dating! Just carry yourself confidently, understand that what you're doing is not some massive thing to worry about, and just approach with a warm, genuine, smile. Tell her you think you should get together some time for a drink/lunch, hand her your phone and ask her to put her number in, then text her a few days later. Either that or just ask her then and there, depending on the situation. Seriously guys, just go do it. It's only as big of a deal as you make it. If you think it's this impossible challenge that's going to be so awkward and difficult and that she's going to say no blah blah blah, then well done, that's exactly what it's going to be. If you instead understand that it's not a big thing at all, and that it's just a very casual and friendly thing that you can and will do, then well, you're also right.[/QUOTE] I really can't thank you guys enough for the advice. I just had to walk up to the girl I was interested in and asked her out, and bam, we're dating. No complicated crap needed. I really had overcomplicated things for myself in the past, just hanging around here has made me a lot better about being confdent and just taking things casually.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35420934]Texted another girl from that party the other night, getting together for lunch next week. I'm starting to actually realize how casual and easy this all is, seriously guys. Getting a girl's number and grabbing something to eat together is [i]not[/i] a big deal, we all have to understand that. Once that initial date is over, that's when you start deciding if she's someone you want to pursue or not. You really, really don't have to be bfflzz with the girl before asking her out, you don't really have to know her that much at all; getting to know each other is the whole point of dating! Just carry yourself confidently, understand that what you're doing is not some massive thing to worry about, and just approach with a warm, genuine, smile. Tell her you think you should get together some time for a drink/lunch, hand her your phone and ask her to put her number in, then text her a few days later. Either that or just ask her then and there, depending on the situation. Seriously guys, just go do it. It's only as big of a deal as you make it. If you think it's this impossible challenge that's going to be so awkward and difficult and that she's going to say no blah blah blah, then well done, that's exactly what it's going to be. If you instead understand that it's not a big thing at all, and that it's just a very casual and friendly thing that you can and will do, then well, you're also right.[/QUOTE] Another problem is that people can read this advice a thousand times and not take in how casual it all is. There's no words that you can read on a forum that will make it click one day. Experience is the only thing that will make people understand how easy it is. I was reading this personal narrative article from a girl in my media writing class yesterday; her story was basically that as a child, her mum would drive her to the local shopping centre once a year and give her the task of distributing a flower to five different strangers to improve her confidence. It resulted in the girl become quite a forward person over time, when she once was completely and utterly introverted and dependent on her mum for the most basic of social interactions.
[QUOTE=Yahnich;35421017]the problem is that most guys have put the girl on a pedestal and make it much harder on themselves because they want everything to go perfect.[/QUOTE] I know dude, and even I am still guilty of doing the same thing, but as lame as this advice sounds you just have to push yourself through those mental barriers and realize how irrational they are, and do your best not to create them in the first place. Hell I've crushed on that one girl for months now without really knowing her, but she was still one of the girls I talked to that night and exchanged numbers with. It only becomes a problem if you let it. I've liked this girl for a while but I don't think she's ~perfect~ or anything like that, and I still get on with my own life and see other girls and so on. I know I've 'put her up on a pedestal', but I just do my best to ignore that and treat her like I would any other girl, because right now that's all she is. [editline]4th April 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Mlisen14;35421146]Another problem is that people can read this advice a thousand times and not take in how casual it all is. There's no words that you can read on a forum that will make it click one day. Experience is the only thing that will make people understand how easy it is. [/QUOTE] It is true unfortunately. For most people, you're right, they'll read it and be like "Yeah! He's right, it is easy!" then they'll see the girl and suddenly their balls cave back into a vagina and they'll forget how inspired they felt the previous evening (and I only say that harshly because I was once in the same position). But if just one person reads something like that and somehow gets spurred into action by it, if just one person is touched by these words on a forum and motivated to go out and get that experience, then it was worth it.
Here's an honest question seeking legit answers: I'm originally from Thailand, moved to the states ~6 yrs ago (am 20 yrs old right now). I've never dated, never kissed, never had sex, etc. For one, the dating scene is not big in Asia; it's not encouraged at all by parents, pop culture or social norms. People just kind of find someone (usually w/ the help of their parents) when it's time to get married and if they see it as a good fit, they get married. Almost everyone I know who got married like this (family/friends) is living a very happy married life. Here in the states, almost all my friends are in relationships. Here I am, just kind of flowing along stuck in the middle of two cultures. Here's the real conundrum: [b]I don't see the point of dating/relationships if you just know that it isn't going to work out. I'm not the kind of guy who looks for one-night stands/random hookups or anything like that. I actually want a great lasting relationship with someone which could potentially end in marriage (years down the line). Secondly, you can usually tell when it simply won't work with a girl. Sure, I've found girls attractive. Sure I've wanted to ask them out on dates. But in the end, what on earth is the point of dating if you're just gonna break-up after a while? Just some make-believe reason that we date for the sake of dating?[/b] All my friends usually say "Well, you never know what's gonna happen until you date her!". Matter of fact: I kind of do. I can almost always tell exactly why it wouldn't work out between me and her from the very beginning (insights into personality/behavior). I might be being overly idealistic here, but hey, I've heard plenty of stories about people like me who end up with the love of their life. I know two of my friends right now who are dating each other, and they're the definition of the relationship I want. They're best friends and love being around each other; it's not your stereotypical boyfriend-girlfriend relationship that you're used to seeing. This is what I want and this is what I'm looking for. Is it wrong to just wait around and see what happens instead of just going for it?
Honestly, I think it just depends on how patient you are. Your way of thinking requires a LOT of patience and understanding that you may not date anyone for years if you're looking at something that could possibly end in marriage.
[QUOTE=Backfall;35422168]in the end, what on earth is the point of dating if you're just gonna break-up after a while? Just some make-believe reason that we date for the sake of dating?[/QUOTE] what's the point of living if you're just gonna die after a while?
Visited GW yesterday and she wasn't working then either. We'll see how saturday goes.
[QUOTE=Backfall;35422168]Here's the real conundrum: [b]I don't see the point of dating/relationships if you just know that it isn't going to work out. I'm not the kind of guy who looks for one-night stands/random hookups or anything like that. I actually want a great lasting relationship with someone which could potentially end in marriage (years down the line). Secondly, you can usually tell when it simply won't work with a girl. Sure, I've found girls attractive. Sure I've wanted to ask them out on dates. But in the end, what on earth is the point of dating if you're just gonna break-up after a while? Just some make-believe reason that we date for the sake of dating?[/b][/QUOTE] In a similar vein to thisispain's reply, I personally think there's a lot to learn and take away from relationships; about yourself, about other people, and about human relationships themselves. I know from my own experience that I was able to learn a [i]lot[/i] about myself and the type of things I want from a girl and the world around me as a whole, things that I very well could have learned without a relationship, but with much more difficulty, time and effort. This all came out of a relationship which from the start was a very unlikely match, a relationship which to someone like you 'wasn't going to work out.' But for whatever reason we stuck with it, and even though it was far from a perfect relationship as you described and eventually came to an end, the two-three years I spent with her as well as the time after we broke up were probably the most expansive years of my life; emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. A lot of this self-reflection, improvement and discovery I would attribute to the experiences and lessons I gained from that relationship and its aftermath, and so I'm very appreciative of the time I spent with her. In fact, your mindset is perfect if anything. Too many people these days are so desperate for a relationship, hoping to 'fall in love' within a week and last forever and all sorts of other irrational nonsense. To understand from the outset that it's unlikely to end perfectly, and to instead see it as an opportunity to learn and develop, is ideal for someone like you that wants to refine yourself and your options until you find someone you really click with. And how are you going to find that person without getting out there and trying?
[QUOTE=Backfall;35422168]All my friends usually say "Well, you never know what's gonna happen until you date her!". Matter of fact: I kind of do. I can almost always tell exactly why it wouldn't work out between me and her from the very beginning (insights into personality/behavior).[/QUOTE] Unless it is something that would forever fuck up your life, you should see about working this 'issue' out. I mean, you date the person, and you do or do not get attached to them. If you do, then you encounter conflict (usually). In conflict you have resolution, either good or bad. If good, your bond has now strengthened. If you want to keep the pessimist attitude, yea, everyone has flaws and you'll be alone in the end.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35422910]In a similar vein to thisispain's reply[/QUOTE] i was gonna expand on my reply, but i think it pretty much summed up my thoughts
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35422910]In a similar vein to thisispain's reply, I personally think there's a lot to learn and take away from relationships; about yourself, about other people, and about human relationships themselves. I know from my own experience that [B]I was able to learn a [I]lot[/I] about myself and the type of things I want from a girl and the world around me as a whole[/B], things that I very well could have learned without a relationship, but with much more difficulty, time and effort. This all came out of a relationship which from the start was a very unlikely match, a relationship which to someone like you 'wasn't going to work out.' But for whatever reason we stuck with it, and even though it was far from a perfect relationship as you described and eventually came to an end, the two-three years I spent with her as well as the time after we broke up were probably the most expansive years of my life; emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. A lot of this self-reflection, improvement and discovery I would attribute to the experiences and lessons I gained from that relationship and its aftermath, and so I'm very appreciative of the time I spent with her. In fact, your mindset is perfect if anything. Too many people these days are so desperate for a relationship, hoping to 'fall in love' within a week and last forever and all sorts of other irrational nonsense. To understand from the outset that it's unlikely to end perfectly, and to instead see it as an opportunity to learn and develop, is ideal for someone like you that wants to refine yourself and your options until you find someone you really click with. And how are you going to find that person without getting out there and trying?[/QUOTE] That was a super helpful response, no joke. In response to the bolded text in the quote above: I honestly feel like I know exactly what I want from a girl and have already learned a ton about human relationships (just by observing and being around other people in relationships). I can see what you're saying and everyone I've talked to who's had a "great" relationship always says that it opened their eyes, exposed them to things that they wouldn't have known otherwise, etc. Again, I might be sounding really idiotic here, but it seems completely pointless if I know exactly what I want from a relationship and from life. Are you suggesting a "JUST DO IT ANYWAY" approach here? And then there's the other thing - I haven't found the person I "really click with" and I have no idea how long it's gonna take before I do. Trust me, I'm on the lookout. There's certain factors I look for that instantly yell "YES! IT'S HER!" when I'm meeting new people. So far, the signals haven't been strong enough and when they have, the girl has been psychotic and/or crazy (a story for another time). But I was just curious, because I seriously haven't met anyone who shares this mindset and was wondering if I'm going nowhere with this. I do tend to overthink things to an abnormal extent; that just may be it. Thanks again. [QUOTE=Phsykotik]Unless it is something that would forever fuck up your life, you should see about working this 'issue' out.[/QUOTE] There's a lot of issues in the reams of culture/race/identity/tradition that can't simply be "worked out" with a simple discussion (or even months of being together). Some things will stick and not disappear out of existence just so two people will be happy. Can't expand on this too much, but I hope I'm kind of getting the point across.
Would anyone mind telling me how I should think of a girl if she chats with me like that?
You should think you're thinking too much if you actually took a screenshot of a chat and shared it here to ask if she likes you or not based on a few sentences.
What do you mean, how you should think of her? If you like her, flirt with her and go out with her and so forth
I think I could post my little problem here so I won't end up spamming it somewhere less fitting... So, at first I'd like to point out that I know many girls and most of them like me as a friend and so on, but whenever I think that I should ask somebody out, I always seem to think that there is no way I could ever have a proper, working relationship with the girl. This has happened many times and I'm tired of convincing myself that "nope, I know her too well/I don't know her well enough/she probably has a special someone/I know her via some incorrect way/she's not worth it/why bother if we both are happy now" and so on... I keep finding the most ridiculous reasons why I should not even try. So, what I'm asking is that is this "love" something that you know it's right when you feel it? Because I think I can't find the difference between a crush/just liking someone as a person aymore.
[QUOTE=Backfall;35423270]That was a super helpful response, no joke. In response to the bolded text in the quote above: I honestly feel like I know exactly what I want from a girl and have already learned a ton about human relationships (just by observing and being around other people in relationships). I can see what you're saying and everyone I've talked to who's had a "great" relationship always says that it opened their eyes, exposed them to things that they wouldn't have known otherwise, etc. Again, I might be sounding really idiotic here, but it seems completely pointless if I know exactly what I want from a relationship and from life. Are you suggesting a "JUST DO IT ANYWAY" approach here? And then there's the other thing - I haven't found the person I "really click with" and I have no idea how long it's gonna take before I do. Trust me, I'm on the lookout. There's certain factors I look for that instantly yell "YES! IT'S HER!" when I'm meeting new people. So far, the signals haven't been strong enough and when they have, the girl has been psychotic and/or crazy (a story for another time). But I was just curious, because I seriously haven't met anyone who shares this mindset and was wondering if I'm going nowhere with this. I do tend to overthink things to an abnormal extent; that just may be it. Thanks again. There's a lot of issues in the reams of culture/race/identity/tradition that can't simply be "worked out" with a simple discussion (or even months of being together). Some things will stick and not disappear out of existence just so two people will be happy. Can't expand on this too much, but I hope I'm kind of getting the point across.[/QUOTE] I understand if you have culturally embedded views or opinions regarding these things, and I'm in no position to tell you you're straight up wrong for believing the things you do. However, I feel you may be relying on these preconceived notions a little too much without actually having any practical experience of what you're saying. Sure, observing and being around people in relationships can provide a lot of insight into them and into yourself and what you want and so on, but it's a completely different dynamic once you're in one and actually have to intimately co-exist with another human being. You'll be presented with challenges and opportunities which you won't ever come across by just sitting back and passively observing. I would also hesitate before saying you know exactly what you want out of a relationship/life. I'm still younger than you so I know for a fact that I have so much more to learn about these things, but I really doubt in two years I will have reached a point where I can say the things you're saying. I think it'd be a little short-sighted to [i]ever[/i] think I know [I]exactly[/I] what I want from a girl, or life in general, and so I would personally suggest reconsidering taking such a stance and being more open to having your mind changed. Being 'on the lookout' is the first step, and you clearly have some idea of the type of girl you're looking for. However, I think you're really limiting yourself by not taking the next step(s) into the world of dating and actually getting to know people beyond superficial, surface impressions. Do you really think you'll ever just meet a girl by chance and feel a 'strong enough' signal to instantly know she's 'the one'? Do you really believe you're in a position to know exactly how every potential option you come across is going to end without even trying?
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;35423636]What do you mean, how you should think of her? If you like her, flirt with her and go out with her and so forth[/QUOTE] Problem is that she lives in the US and I'm european.
[QUOTE=ForestRaptor;35423687]I think I could post my little problem here so I won't end up spamming it somewhere less fitting... So, at first I'd like to point out that I know many girls and most of them like me as a friend and so on, but whenever I think that I should ask somebody out, I always seem to think that there is no way I could ever have a proper, working relationship with the girl. This has happened many times and I'm tired of convincing myself that "nope, I know her too well/I don't know her well enough/she probably has a special someone/I know her via some incorrect way/she's not worth it/why bother if we both are happy now" and so on... I keep finding the most ridiculous reasons why I should not even try. So, what I'm asking is that is this "love" something that you know it's right when you feel it? Because I think I can't find the difference between a crush/just liking someone as a person aymore.[/QUOTE] You're being quite irrational, you even said yourself that your reasons are 'ridiculous'. You need to overcome these mental barriers and understand you won't ever find whatever it is you're looking for if you don't put yourself out there and make an effort to get to know people. I won't repeat myself so just read the last few posts I've made on this page because they seem to have a similar vibe to what you're saying. I should also add that asking someone out doesn't mean asking them to be your girlfriend, it just means organizing an opportunity to get to know them further, i.e. a date. You also need to realize that you don't need to find ~true love~ with someone before asking them out and getting to know them. Act on your 'crushes', get to know people beyond initial impressions, then decide if it's something you want to pursue. Without going into a huge conversation about what 'love' is, it isn't something that you just feel for someone immediately and know they're 'the one'. It can take years of being with someone to develop, and even then there's room for further experience and understanding to be nurtured.
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