The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Seith;35395786]What you are letting go off is your need to continuously hold on to relationships. It being an unnatural thing, the need to not pursue them (the relationships that is), is why you probably still think about her.
One more reason would be the fact you are not seeing other women, and not actively trying to contradict your isolation. Moving is living my friends. Where your legs go, your brain will have to follow.
[editline]2nd April 2012[/editline][/quote]
Really Seith, you gotta stop posting like you're the guy who is in complete control of everybody's problems. You look like a pharmaceutical passing out recipes of cheap painkillers for patients with more complex problems.
The thing is I need some closure in thin before I'm able to move on. I'm healing scars as far as I know. As for seeing girls, I know, that's what every book of "how to get her back in 10 easy steps" tells you for some nickles from your purse. But if I'm not interested in making moves on girls, why force it? Why bother?
I'm not isolated either. I'm keeping focused on my work, sports and my image too. I'm not letting myself go in a vortex of isolation and depression. I actually made a lot of progress these months, grades went way up, my body is healthier and I cut some of my enormously long hair. And that's just the superficial things.
I actually meet girls and I talk to girls enough to give a good impression but I'm not looking for more than that and I don't feel bad about it.
The only reason I vented was to wonder how your "heart" defends itself as you go on with failed relationships. As you keep going on and on from relationship to relationship that glamorous idea of being the stable relationship guy, having a girlfriend and meeting lots of girls just stops being your priority. And my philosophical question, if you like to call it, is at witch point is that good or bad.
I'm not desperate. I feel good and I'm in control of things.
So, [B]Back to my situation:[/B]
Remember that "my ex and I don't talk to eachother for 7 months after being friends for years and then having a relationship?"? Well it ended today thanks to mildly drunken text messaging. :v:
So basically yesterday night I decided to text her. I didn't say I was ready to be her friend but I was ready and willing to get all the shit off the table and get to know her again. Basically I told her I was ready to start talking to her and that it was ridiculous not to talk to each other. Then I ended the text with something like "I'll understand if you don't want to keep talking to me. This will be my last message".
Well, you know the feeling after that text message you're insecure about sending. "Oh, fuck, what have I done!" and "You idiot! You ruined it all!". After all I don't know if she's still with her ex she got back to after me.
So just a couple of minutes ago I receive a message from her. The initial thought was "Well, her it comes, the beat-down that will put me in my place" but hey, she surprised me, after all getting my pride out of the picture did pay. She said that she didn't know what to say, and that she never intended for us to stop talking, she just didn't want to put too much pressure on it and she thanked me for breaking the ice. She was happy about it.
Well I still like this girl, I'm willing to try, I mean she's worth it, no doubt. I just don't know what to say to her right now, so I'm going to lay low and let things happen naturally. I didn't tell her to be friends, cause I think starting it all over would be more fair for us. I like possibility, and I don't want to spoil things.
I think only time will tell. Maybe I'll invite her to go out with me some day to catch up. I really value her and I didn't want to spoil thinks by rushing things up or end up making things weird by letting my feelings out.
I'm in a kind of a crossroad here. I think time will tell but it doesn't hurt to get some perspective from you guys.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35423910]
You also need to realize that you don't need to find ~true love~ with someone before asking them out and getting to know them. Act on your 'crushes', get to know people beyond initial impressions, then decide if it's something you want to pursue. Without going into a huge conversation about what 'love' is, it isn't something that you just feel for someone immediately and know they're 'the one'. It can take years of being with someone to develop, and even then there's room for further experience and understanding to be nurtured.[/QUOTE]
This is what I was looking for, thanks. Next time I ask a girl out, I'm going to ask her because I want to know her better.
Yesterday this girl I'm kind of with now got me my favorite Domino's pizza (ham & pineapple aw yea) and spelt out PROM? in Hershey kisses (she's a junior and I'm a senior, she was asking me to her junior prom). Made me so happy, really glad I went for this. :) anyway that's enough out of me.
I have met a girl
I met her at a party and now we are texting a good deal but she lives 2.5 hours away so the only time i have seen her in person was when I met her
I am waiting for my moment to drop the date question on her
[QUOTE=jonoPorter;35423812]Problem is that she lives in the US and I'm european.[/QUOTE]
Oh
Well be careful you don't start to really like her then, long distance things ain't the way to go
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;35423943]Really Seith, you gotta stop posting like you're the guy who is in complete control of everybody's problems. You look like a pharmaceutical passing out recipes of cheap painkillers for patients with more complex problems.
The thing is I need some closure in thin before I'm able to move on. I'm healing scars as far as I know. As for seeing girls, I know, that's what every book of "how to get her back in 10 easy steps" tells you for some nickles from your purse. But if I'm not interested in making moves on girls, why force it? Why bother?
I'm not isolated either. I'm keeping focused on my work, sports and my image too. I'm not letting myself go in a vortex of isolation and depression. I actually made a lot of progress these months, grades went way up, my body is healthier and I cut some of my enormously long hair. And that's just the superficial things.
I actually meet girls and I talk to girls enough to give a good impression but I'm not looking for more than that and I don't feel bad about it.
The only reason I vented was to wonder how your "heart" defends itself as you go on with failed relationships. As you keep going on and on from relationship to relationship that glamorous idea of being the stable relationship guy, having a girlfriend and meeting lots of girls just stops being your priority. And my philosophical question, if you like to call it, is at witch point is that good or bad.
I'm not desperate. I feel good and I'm in control of things.
So, [B]Back to my situation:[/B]
Remember that "my ex and I don't talk to eachother for 7 months after being friends for years and then having a relationship?"? Well it ended today thanks to mildly drunken text messaging. :v:
So basically yesterday night I decided to text her. I didn't say I was ready to be her friend but I was ready and willing to get all the shit off the table and get to know her again. Basically I told her I was ready to start talking to her and that it was ridiculous not to talk to each other. Then I ended the text with something like "I'll understand if you don't want to keep talking to me. This will be my last message".
Well, you know the feeling after that text message you're insecure about sending. "Oh, fuck, what have I done!" and "You idiot! You ruined it all!". After all I don't know if she's still with her ex she got back to after me.
So just a couple of minutes ago I receive a message from her. The initial thought was "Well, her it comes, the beat-down that will put me in my place" but hey, she surprised me, after all getting my pride out of the picture did pay. She said that she didn't know what to say, and that she never intended for us to stop talking, she just didn't want to put too much pressure on it and she thanked me for breaking the ice. She was happy about it.
Well I still like this girl, I'm willing to try, I mean she's worth it, no doubt. I just don't know what to say to her right now, so I'm going to lay low and let things happen naturally. I didn't tell her to be friends, cause I think starting it all over would be more fair for us. I like possibility, and I don't want to spoil things.
I think only time will tell. Maybe I'll invite her to go out with me some day to catch up. I really value her and I didn't want to spoil thinks by rushing things up or end up making things weird by letting my feelings out.
I'm in a kind of a crossroad here. I think time will tell but it doesn't hurt to get some perspective from you guys.[/QUOTE]
I really couldn't focus on anything specific, so I'll just relate to your crossroad.
You say you are healing scars right now; going out, cut your hair, doing sports. Basically, there's nothing wrong and you want to move on.
And then you say, you, in your "drunken" ways, sms'ed that chick you had feelings for. And now you want to try with her again.
You see the contradiction? You want to try again? nobody will stop you, but to me, it seems like just you following your emotions. There's no point in holding on to a certain woman, as there are so many of them, with better and even more interesting qualities. If you don't put yourself out there, you won't be able to tell whether this is true or not.
[i]"Why bother? why force it?"[/i] you say? The fact is you make it hard. Meeting women is fun, exciting. There's nothing bothering in meeting new people, sharing stories and connecting sexually and generally. Not forcing it, and dwelling in it is probably worse than not "forcing it". There's no fun solution to such situations.
[i]"Why bother? why force it?"[/i] you say? True. Then why are you forcing and bothering yourself with the same woman?
Also, one last thing. I have come to realize that people find my advice esoteric. People hate to know there might be something they don't know. A "big secret" known to a few and unknown to most. People like to think they know it all, but the fact is, you can't know it all. I don't know it all, but I know this:
People need to let their guards down, their egos to the bin, and open their minds to the [i]"that's what every book of "how to get her back in 10 easy steps" tells you for some nickles from your purse"[/i]. Your wide knowledge of the matter, still is being represented the other way around, as I have mentioned above.
Finally, my point is, you probably haven't moved on, or more likely, don't want to truly move on. My advice is simple and known to all, yet nobody applies any of them. I am not being pompous or arrogant. It's you people who choose to feel that way. The solution is complex as you make it.
It's not like I haven't been where you are right now and it's not like I haven't resisted such esoteric, absurd, radical, abstract yet so simple, and "I know them all", ideas, that I haven't put any thought or further effort into them, because I know them, I know they won't work, so I just keep dwelling in my agony. Every path you will walk upon, will lead you somewhere. To say something just doesn't work, is in itself, arrogant. Don't ask for advice (and this is in general, not personal) when you already think you know the solution and just looking for the answers you want to hear.
I hate it when you send a message and then just an hour later you start thinking about how much of a retard you are for sending it.
I love sucking tits.
Seith. I don't want to meet new girls romantically. I don't need that now and it certainly is not a necessity for me. And yeah, I moved on, nothing's stopping me from it. The only problem here is letting go for me. She's not just some girl, she's a good friend. And what's the point of missing that over my pride? The fact is I put myself out there. I do it almost everyday, every weekend I meet new girls, talk to them, I just don't feel like involving myself with them. I just need some time.
I'm not going to force anything with the girl in question. We both did our wrongs and above all she's a good friend, and I don't want to miss her over that. It's just that. That's why I said I was ready talk to her again, but just that, no "let's just be friends" nor "I want to go back to you".
We made peace with each other through text message and I didn't say anything clear about friendships or relationships, just that I was ready to forget about all the shit that went on between us and start again. We both agreed, so why lose an important person in my life just so I can "get out there"? That's what you do when you really want to let go of someone. Not my case.
I just want to see how things go from here and I'm sure they'll evolve naturally, cause I know this was just text messaging. It was impersonal, so yeah, it's still a long path to friendship. I'm just not planning ahead. But I'm sure.
I'm just looking for perspective here other than yours (no offence), cause surely I'm not going to act based on what a forum says.
Behemoth, if you genuinely think what you're doing is in your best interests and you're not putting yourself into a position which could potentially hurt her or yourself again, then go for it. I think it's good that you want to put your past behind you and rekindle a friendship with someone that's clearly important to you, but only if you're not doing so out of any other reason than what you're telling us and her.
From what you've said here, my opinion is that if you've been able to move on to other girls and have found comfort and peace within yourself, then there's no harm in picking things back up with her. I would personally however be resistant to the idea of getting back with her or acting on any feelings you may still have - and if you really do still have feelings for her, are you sure getting close with her again is the best idea? Why did you break up in the first place, and why would it be any different this time?
So the girl I asked out suggested our second date be "a movie or something" which translates to movie so my question is, what are some tips for the movie date?
[QUOTE=redBadger;35428781]So the girl I asked out suggested our second date be "a movie or something" which translates to movie so my question is, what are some tips for the movie date?[/QUOTE]
apply face to other face in dark room for 90 minutes?
i always preferred watching movies in the comfort of my own (or someone elses) home though
Make sure there is a hole in the bottom of the pop corn bag.
I asked [I]Cute Well-Spoken Girl[/I] out today, and she said yes, but something in the way she said it makes me worry that what she [B]actually[/B] meant was, [I]I'm not really interested, I just don't want to hurt your feelings with a direct refusal, and so I will instead feign last-minute plans and cancel our date the night before it happens and then pretend that I'm just too darn busy to reschedule.[/I]
I might be reading too far into it, but I dunno! If she [I]were[/I] just trying to spare my feelings, it'd have been much kinder for her to just say, "Sorry, but I'm not interested." At least that way I wouldn't have to try to decipher her intent!
Of course it's totally possible that I mistook nervousness for apprehension, and that she's actually tickled pink that I asked her out, in which case, so am I.
Either way, I've got a date with [I]Cute Well-Spoken Girl[/I] this weekend. I'll have to give her a call tomorrow and figure out the where and when.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35426494]Behemoth, if you genuinely think what you're doing is in your best interests and you're not putting yourself into a position which could potentially hurt her or yourself again, then go for it. I think it's good that you want to put your past behind you and rekindle a friendship with someone that's clearly important to you, but only if you're not doing so out of any other reason than what you're telling us and her.
From what you've said here, my opinion is that if you've been able to move on to other girls and have found comfort and peace within yourself, then there's no harm in picking things back up with her. I would personally however be resistant to the idea of getting back with her or acting on any feelings you may still have - and if you really do still have feelings for her, are you sure getting close with her again is the best idea? Why did you break up in the first place, and why would it be any different this time?[/QUOTE]
I may still have feelings for her. I'm just not sure about that. But the deed is done. Wouldn't make much sense to suddenly stop talking to her again after saying I'm prepared to do so.
If it comes to that, I'll think about it when it's time, right now I'm focused on meeting her again. After 8 months so much has changed so I really have nothing to lose in doing this. I'll just see my options then and act accordingly. I just don't want to lose that girl again. We've been through a lot and there aren't many people out there willing to stay with you. So yeah, I think forgetting the problems we had for now so we can have a clear path towards friendship is a good strategy.
Of course the day may come when we talk about what went wrong, but we'll talk about it when we're both ready.
And yes, I know what went wrong with the relationship. I actually wrote a huge text in another edition of this topic back in December.
Right now, I'm just happy about this and that's all that matters.
It's just that her initial response to my asking to take her out was a surprised, "Oh!"
"Oh!" wasn't what I was expecting. What is "Oh!" supposed to mean? Is it a happy "Oh!"? A nervous "Oh!"? A woeful "Oh!"?
Damn "Oh!" and its many contexts.
record conversation give to voice analyst to decipher meaning.
If your not sure how check out the film Taken
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;35429631]It's just that her initial response to my asking to take her out was a surprised, "Oh!"
"Oh!" wasn't what I was expecting. What is "Oh!" supposed to mean? Is it a happy "Oh!"? A nervous "Oh!"? A woeful "Oh!"?
Damn "Oh!" and its many contexts.[/QUOTE]
Please calm down, wait and see.
Just making the situation more complicated/stressful than it needs to be.
Oh!
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;35429646]Oh![/QUOTE]
When do people normally say oh? When they're suprised! She wasn't expecting it clearly, but that often works in one's favour.
Oh
[editline]4th April 2012[/editline]
What do you call a happy spaghettio?
A cheerio.
Do you think that joke will get me to second base?
If that doesn't get you even past second base, I don't know what will.
[thumb]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/18834480/20120404_233425.jpg[/thumb]
am i attractive and capable of getting women
not when you post yourself in a half-jokingly way to try to save face when we say no
truthfully though, pretty much anyone is. you just have to have a cool guy aura, be fun for people to be around
Also it helps if you're attractive.
The psychology behind body language is a most interesting science.
[QUOTE=C:\;35432227][thumb]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/18834480/20120404_233425.jpg[/thumb] am i attractive and capable of getting women[/QUOTE]
Most women prefer the E:/ drive.
Sorry
[QUOTE=rivershark;35433069]The psychology behind body language is a most interesting science.[/QUOTE]
Were you aware that rhythmic thrusting of the pelvis during conversation often puts people ill at ease? Truly fascinating.
I had no idea. That explains so many of my social problems.
[QUOTE=C:\;35432227][thumb]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/18834480/20120404_233425.jpg[/thumb]
am i attractive and capable of getting women[/QUOTE]
Hit the gym and get a haircut.
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