The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
So my girlfriends parents are extremely religious she's fine with me and my beliefs but will her parents become an issue in the future? If they will be how do we deal with it. I'm worried more so because my parents freak the fuck out i'll convert just to be with their daughter.
Bombard them with capital letters at inappropriate times!
Today I finally got the kick to make some space between me and the group I've been spending a lot of time with (the triad of friends, the guy, the girl and the other guy).
Last night I was with the guy, then we went to pick up the girl from a house-party where she was.
On our ways home we stopped by at her place for about half an hour. During this time the guy asked me if I would like to come to the American Car Show the following day, to which I said yes.
And then today he totally forgot about me.
[editline]8th April 2012[/editline]
It isn't going to be easy, but I'm going to cut down on hanging out with them.
Stay distant for a while and see if they crack.
You should have texted him or something if you wanted to go. Or maybe he was planning on meeting you there. If you want to have a friend you have to be a friend dude.
i love cinema and im going to france next year because my uncle is taking em there for holidays. Havent told my parents yet but im planning on stickin in there for the rest of my life.
Ahah, so a girl stood me up yesterday :v:
To be honest I'm really not bothered; I don't really like her that much, and it was her who asked me out (which I why I think it's weird) and I thought I'd give her a chance. It's made me realise though that I'd really rather just stay friends. We've both been flirting quite a lot since we met about two moths ago, but how would I go about telling her I want to stay as just friends?
[QUOTE=Tennisball;35482052]but how would I go about telling her I want to stay as just friends?[/QUOTE]
it doesn't sound like a serious situation so i don't think it needs to be said. just don't act flirty
[QUOTE=Lexinator;35480310]So my girlfriends parents are extremely religious she's fine with me and my beliefs but will her parents become an issue in the future? If they will be how do we deal with it. I'm worried more so because my parents freak the fuck out i'll convert just to be with their daughter.[/QUOTE]
Honestly, it really depends on them. I know it's vague and unhelpful, but there really is a range of reactions they could have to you, from "He disagrees with our ideas, but our daughter loves him so he's cool" to shouting "HEATHEN" while throwing bottles of holy water at you.
The best advice I can give is to be respectful of their beliefs even if you disagree with them. It's pretty basic advice, but I've seen a lot of friendships and relationships crumble because one party would always violently defend their beliefs, even though they were among friends. If something does come up that you want to argue with, do it calmly and logically. This will make your beliefs clear without burning all of your bridges in the room. Hope that helped!
[QUOTE=GoldenGnome;35481595]You should have texted him or something if you wanted to go. Or maybe he was planning on meeting you there. If you want to have a friend you have to be a friend dude.[/QUOTE]
I called and texted him a bunch of times.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;35482300]I called and texted him a bunch of times.[/QUOTE]
Well then he's a dick. No big loss there, you've already got one.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;35480648]Today I finally got the kick to make some space between me and the group I've been spending a lot of time with (the triad of friends, the guy, the girl and the other guy).
Last night I was with the guy, then we went to pick up the girl from a house-party where she was.
On our ways home we stopped by at her place for about half an hour. During this time the guy asked me if I would like to come to the American Car Show the following day, to which I said yes.
And then today he totally forgot about me.
[editline]8th April 2012[/editline]
It isn't going to be easy, but I'm going to cut down on hanging out with them.
Stay distant for a while and see if they crack.[/QUOTE]
you're just done hanging out with them? and you were the one who kept telling us "OKAY GUYS, I'M DONE TRYING FOR THAT GIRL, I GET IT NOW" and then the next day you'd come and tell us how that guy dragged you in again with some bullshit like "yeah dude she looked at you today and im p. good friends w/her so u honestly might have a chance bro"
dont "see if they crack," just quit trying to be a fucking psychologist and overanalyzing everything everyone does. live your life, holy shit. stop caring.
You are right.
My older sister has picked up an especially annoying habit while she's been at college: In spoken conversation, she replaces the phrase "by the way" with "bee tee dubs". And not like a small thing either, she makes a point of saying it in a drawn out fashion. How do I convince her that it sounds ridiculous without sounding like a jerk?
BDA I've read through all of your posts in this thread and its like reading a novel.
just tell her
she probably does it out of habit now more than anything else, so a casual reminder telling her how silly it sounds might make her more aware of it and she might not do it so much
I am well aware that this thread despises when individuals overanalyze any given situation or person so I need to ask this. What if the invidividual overanalyzes and in the end is correct for the majority of times they do so? What other reason, besides from being continually incorrect/incredibly stresses out by it, would they stop for?
just say that "bee tee dubs sounds kinda stupid, you know :D"
[QUOTE=GreenDolphin;35484985]I am well aware that this thread despises when individuals overanalyze any given situation or person so I need to ask this. What if the invidividual overanalyzes and in the end is correct for the majority of times they do so? What other reason, besides from being continually incorrect/incredibly stresses out by it, would they stop for?[/QUOTE]
quit overanalyzing your overanalysis
[QUOTE=GoldenGnome;35487322]quit overanalyzing your overanalysis[/QUOTE]
I forgot to mention that I was looking for a serious response to my question.
that was a serious response. whether you're right or not it's not good for you to be thinking that much. all it'll do is stress you out more. sometimes it's better to not know the outcome and roll with the punches. you'll have more fun in life that way.
So now that I talked to my ex saying I was ready to talk to her again witch she aproved saying it was never her intention not to talk to me and thanking me for talking to her, she just doesn't talk to me since then.
Well I've made the move to talk to her again but I don't know what to say to her now. Everything remains the same and we were very good friends. There's not even a "hello" from her. It's weird and honestly I don't know what to do about it.
Should I move further and ask her for coffee some day or just wait a little bit? Would it put a little pressure on this? I want to go slow in this friendship, but I don't want to lose her to this routine of not speaking to each other anymore.
I hate waiting. And the worse part is wondering if waiting really pays off in the end.
edit:
Found out she's still with the other guy. Guess It was a terrible time to go talk to her.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;35488133]So now that I talked to my ex saying I was ready to talk to her again witch she aproved saying it was never her intention not to talk to me and thanking me for talking to her, she just doesn't talk to me since then.
Well I've made the move to talk to her again but I don't know what to say to her now. Everything remains the same and we were very good friends. There's not even a "hello" from her. It's weird and honestly I don't know what to do about it.
Should I move further and ask her for coffee some day or just wait a little bit? Would it put a little pressure on this? I want to go slow in this friendship, but I don't want to lose her to this routine of not speaking to each other anymore.
I hate waiting. And the worse part is wondering if waiting really pays off in the end.
edit:
Found out she's still with the other guy. Guess It was a terrible time to go talk to her.[/QUOTE]
who broke up with who
is it an awful thing to have ceased talking to most of your schoolfriends after almost a year at uni?
don't burn bridges and all that, but there are some people I can't ever be fucked to talk to again
I'm not sure what to do. I've been friends with this girl since May and I guess we got quite close. But in recent months I've just been interpreting everything she says as hostile or dismissive towards me, even when that's clearly not the case. I've also been getting very jealous of her other friends when she gives them attention and not me. This ruins my mood and makes me have a huge hissy fit, which in turn upsets her.
All of this has really intensified in recent months, and it's been a while since I was in a genuinely good mood or I was genuinely happy to see her.
It's on and off but I've been getting the idea that we'd both be happier if I buggered off and we just put eachother behind us. Because she doesn't need me being obsessive and having a big hissy fit when I get the impression she doesn't care about me (which she says has made her cry) - and I don't need this shit frankly, the past 5-6 months have been a big petty emotional rollercoaster that I'm sick of putting up with.
On the other hand, if I can dispel all this overanalysing I do, everything is fine. Because she's a really nice girl actually, and it would be a terrible shame to lose her just because of my attitude.
Those seem like my two options at the moment. I'm ranting more than anything I suppose... but any advice would be much appreciated.
So, my friend's birthday is coming up soon. And I wanted to get her something special, I guess. My original idea was to get her a Wii. Now, it's not that expensive to buy a used one, and I am going to assume that Gamestop won't be selling one that is going to break immediately, and the only difference between used/new is that they add a new Super Mario Game in. I'll still have to buy a second controller, and two/three games for it (Brawl, Twilight Princess, maybe Mario Kart). So that's around 150-200 dollars, which I can afford, but since I haven't been able to find a job in the past 5 years, I won't really be able to get that money back easily.
Now, the problem is, when my mother heard of this, she was against this. For one, the girl is my ex, so she's afraid (and I think I myself afraid) that I would be trying to bribe her this way to be back with me. Or that she (friend) will think that she owes me. Or that she'll dismiss it as something completely normal and it would be pointless anyway. On the other hand, it's possible that the reason that I want to buy her a wii is because I want to prove to myself that I can get her some kind of "expensive" (I am rather sure that most people won't find 100 bucks expensive) gift.
Now mind you, my mother is a woman that green lighted my Warhammer 40k Hobby (aka, fuckall expensive toy soldiers). So I am not exactly sure what to do. I know that my friend would enjoy the console, and of course I'd also get to play a Wii without being completely alone (a good reason to not have a console, in my opinion).
But if I can't get her that, I am not sure what else I can get. Something like expensive chocolates/candy wouldn't really work, it really feels like a throwaway gift, and I don't want that (even worse, I probably gave her enough chocolate for her to think that I am obsessed with it, thus my last birthday gift from her was chocolate). Her previous birthday I gave her a book about Japanese traditional art (much to the hilarity of her father who found THAT ONE page in it that had nudity in it, which I haven't noticed), but it seems that she forgot about it (even though she is interested in Japanese culture). I guess I could get her some art supplies, as she does dabble in that sometimes, but that is literal sometimes.
So, I am not sure what to do. She's turning 20, if that helps.
[QUOTE=Turnips5;35489528]is it an awful thing to have ceased talking to most of your schoolfriends after almost a year at uni?
don't burn bridges and all that, but there are some people I can't ever be fucked to talk to again[/QUOTE]
I don't think so, most of my high school friends are spread across the state and the most I hear from them lately is the occasional something on Facebook.
[QUOTE=MegaJohnny;35490481]I'm not sure what to do. I've been friends with this girl since May and I guess we got quite close. But in recent months I've just been interpreting everything she says as hostile or dismissive towards me, even when that's clearly not the case. I've also been getting very jealous of her other friends when she gives them attention and not me. This ruins my mood and makes me have a huge hissy fit, which in turn upsets her.
All of this has really intensified in recent months, and it's been a while since I was in a genuinely good mood or I was genuinely happy to see her.
It's on and off but I've been getting the idea that we'd both be happier if I buggered off and we just put eachother behind us. Because she doesn't need me being obsessive and having a big hissy fit when I get the impression she doesn't care about me (which she says has made her cry) - and I don't need this shit frankly, the past 5-6 months have been a big petty emotional rollercoaster that I'm sick of putting up with.
On the other hand, if I can dispel all this overanalysing I do, everything is fine. Because she's a really nice girl actually, and it would be a terrible shame to lose her just because of my attitude.
Those seem like my two options at the moment. I'm ranting more than anything I suppose... but any advice would be much appreciated.[/QUOTE]
My advice would be probably be somewhat similar to advice given many times before: try hard not to become oversensitive to perceived threats. I'm sure she is still very glad to have you as a friend. It'd be a shame to burn this bridge.
I react all the time to the wrong things - stuff like a single misheard statement (it feels like I have SHITTY hearing) can set me searching for subtle sarcasm, which then progresses to a burst of paranoia where I don't take anything at face value at all. It makes me feel like people are mocking me behind my back and I'm too stupid to notice - I got in a massive mood because of it once, just withdrew to my room and didn't talk to anyone for a day. It's silly to get worked up about.
I'm sure you can keep this friendship if you just reach out and be earnest. Good luck.
[tab]Also, I've assumed for the purposes of this post that there aren't romantic tensions between you.[/tab]
[QUOTE=Alan Ninja!;35490667]I don't think so, most of my high school friends are spread across the state and the most I hear from them lately is the occasional something on Facebook.[/QUOTE]
that is fair enough. my friends are all still in the UK though, so I have no such excuse :v:
[QUOTE=Turnips5;35490915]My advice would be probably be somewhat similar to advice given many times before: try hard not to become oversensitive to perceived threats. I'm sure she is still very glad to have you as a friend. It'd be a shame to burn this bridge.
I react all the time to the wrong things - stuff like a single misheard statement (it feels like I have SHITTY hearing) can set me searching for subtle sarcasm, which then progresses to a burst of paranoia where I don't take anything at face value at all. It makes me feel like people are mocking me behind my back and I'm too stupid to notice - I got in a massive mood because of it once, just withdrew to my room and didn't talk to anyone for a day. It's silly to get worked up about.
I'm sure you can keep this friendship if you just reach out and be earnest. Good luck.
[/QUOTE]
That's so reassuring, thanks. I get the exact same thing, down to the shitty hearing and thinking my friends are somehow conspiring against me, and refusing to talk to anyone. I've been getting more desperate for a solution recently, because she tells me my attitude recently has made her not want to talk to me.
[quote]
Also, I've assumed for the purposes of this post that there aren't romantic tensions between you.
[/quote]
It depends - there are no tensions from her, but as I said I'm getting a bit obsessive. I'll be honest, I know hardly any girls at all, and as soon as I met this girl she became very interested in spending time with me. I think my brain kind of shat itself at that point and went "OMG SHE MUST BE THE BEST GIRL EVER" because it was the most attention I'd ever received from a girl.
Then as her infatuation wore off she wanted to keep me as a long-term friend (which she does with many people), and it's that transition I took very, very poorly. All I need to do, I guess, is convince myself that just because I'm not her centre of attention she doesn't value me at all.
[QUOTE=DrBreen;35488427]who broke up with who[/QUOTE]
She broke up with me. But we would probably both break up anyway.
Nevermind about that. It's time I moved on and started getting myself out there. I'm not losing anymore of my time thinking about people who just don't give a fuck.
[QUOTE=MegaJohnny;35491323]That's so reassuring, thanks. I get the exact same thing, down to the shitty hearing and thinking my friends are somehow conspiring against me, and refusing to talk to anyone. I've been getting more desperate for a solution recently, because she tells me my attitude recently has made her not want to talk to me.
It depends - there are no tensions from her, but as I said I'm getting a bit obsessive. I'll be honest, I know hardly any girls at all, and as soon as I met this girl she became very interested in spending time with me. I think my brain kind of shat itself at that point and went "OMG SHE MUST BE THE BEST GIRL EVER" because it was the most attention I'd ever received from a girl.
Then as her infatuation wore off she wanted to keep me as a long-term friend (which she does with many people), and it's that transition I took very, very poorly. All I need to do, I guess, is convince myself that just because I'm not her centre of attention she doesn't value me at all.[/QUOTE]
You're welcome. Also, yeah, you fix this infatuation by talking to more girls (and like, it's way better if you happen to fall into a relationship with someone else.)
I feel that it's best to have had at least one girlfriend as well as friendgirls; being in a relationship doesn't need - [I]shouldn't[/I] need, really - to be your "default state", but it's good to have done it at least once, partially because it makes talking to girls so much easier. It's one of those paradoxical things like job experience being needed to get a job, which is obtainable only through having a job. :v: You just need to make that first jump.
Try as hard as you can not to get obsessive - I was obsessed, on and off, with one girl for [I]four years[/I] - she was at school and I couldn't help but see her every day. Terrible thing. By the time I'd got to uni, I was having so much fun and meeting so many new people that I stopped obsessing over her. Once you stop seeing her as some possible romantic interest, your friendship will become so much more laid back, enjoyable, and [I]real[/I].
That's just my opinion though, and I am wont to view the world through an ever-reorienting narrow slit. :v:
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