The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
Terribly bittersweet situation. Just recently started talking to this girl in my philo class at my university. She's interested and I'm interested and she's the most physically and socially attractive girl I've ever really spoken to. However, I'm moving like two hours away to a different university next year and she's afraid to get into a relationship with someone who's not gonna be in town. I'll probably come back down on weekends and holidays, but it just really sucks.
I'm super excited to be moving away from home and living in an apartment with a friend of mine and two other guys, but at the same time I really wish I could have had a chance with this girl.
I've still decided to ask this girl on a date and I'm gonna try to hang out with her regularly. If nothing else I want to be close friends, she'd be a really cool friend if nothing else.
/bittersweet.
[QUOTE=Evilan;35508389]I feel for your situation. The best thing you can do for your friend and yourself is to be assertive with him. You "need" to speak up and tell him that what he is doing is getting on your nerves and infringing on your life. Obviously be more descriptive with your feelings, but make sure he knows that what he is doing is impacting you in a negative way. Don't be cruel, don't be harsh, just make sure he knows.
Also, for another conversation in the future with your friend you should probably talk to him about the video game thing. It could be extremely beneficial to him and you may learn something new about him that he wouldn't reveal otherwise.
Also, it is entirely possible to escape from social awkwardness. Almost every single one of my posts in social threads is that you can learn to be social. I overcame social anxiety (aka fear being with people) and was completely socially inept going into my senior year of high school. You can overcome your awkwardness and you can learn how to be a better socializer. It just takes persistence and consistent exposure to situations that are a little bit outside of your comfort zone. Just for reference, watch some of the SimplePickUp guy's bios. They were extremely reclusive or had no idea what the fuck they were doing. Just remember you can always learn how to improve yourself.[/QUOTE]
Haha The SimplePickUp guys are funny. They mentioned something about how important eye contact is and I realized I can never hold eye contact for more than one or two seconds at a time :p
Thanks for the advice, I need to immerse myself in some difficult situations more often. My awkwardness has definitely improved since I started my job which requires interaction with customers, but I'm still far from a smooth communicator.
I have a condition called cholinergic urticaria (heat hives) which means I get a massive allergic reaction when my core body temperature increases. Doing things like laughing, blushing, little physical activity or getting embarrassed cause my body temperature to sky rocket and I'm suddenly covered in hives. Because of this I avoid social interaction to avoid people questioning "why is your face so red? Why do you have dots all over you?", etc. When these allergic reactions are less severe, I find that I am magnitudes less shy than I otherwise would be.
@Juice_Layer
Good luck. Just keep trying. I think once you get into a relationship and you regularly hang out, she wont mind that you live at a longer distance.
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35504690]haha well yeah, obviously go see a movie you'll both enjoy for a first date[/QUOTE]
i ended up seeing Iron Lady for a "first date" movie.
wouldn't recommend it
I'm not here to brag, but my girlfriend said she was invited to enter the National American Miss pageant a few weeks ago, but declined, and having heard that made me almost feel upset and I'm not sure why (she was also invited to do modeling and shit last year but also declined). I have a feeling that it's because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for her or maybe I'm just being subconsciously envious of her success. Has anyone ever felt anything similar and have any advice on how to deal with these feelings?
Well, CWSG is a bust. Turns out she had a boyfriend the whole time, and just didn't know how to say "no thanks."
I'll still talk to her in class, 'cause she's a pretty groovy girl (despite her [I]ridiculous[/I] lack of confidence), but it'd have definitely been nice if she'd just been straight with me from the get-go!
I've got no other prospects, so I guess I'm right back at square zero on the surprisingly hard search for a nice, intelligent, attractive lady who likes tall skinny blond guys with nice hair and teeth.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;35519965]Well, CWSG is a bust. Turns out she had a boyfriend the whole time, and just didn't know how to say "no thanks."
I'll still talk to her in class, 'cause she's a pretty groovy girl (despite her [I]ridiculous[/I] lack of confidence), but it'd have definitely been nice if she'd just been straight with me from the get-go!
I've got no other prospects, so I guess I'm right back at square zero on the surprisingly hard search for a nice, intelligent, attractive lady who likes tall skinny blond guys with nice hair and teeth.[/QUOTE]
Kind of messed up on her part, going out on a "date" with you without telling you. Maybe that's just my perspective.
I think that was why she was pressing so about "Why are you talking to me?"
I think she wanted motive, not just details.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;35520127]Kind of messed up on her part, going out on a "date" with you without telling you. Maybe that's just my perspective.[/QUOTE]
On one hand, she could be unsatisfied with her current boyfriend and was considering BDA, but on the other hand, she kind of seems like a tool for doing what she did.
[QUOTE=KnowProblem;35520154]On one hand, she could be unsatisfied with her current boyfriend and was considering BDA, but on the other hand, she kind of seems like a tool for doing what she did.[/QUOTE]
I don't think it was either, honestly. I think she was just so worried about hurting my feelings that she agreed to go on the date and hoped that I wouldn't ask for a second one. But, I had to go and ruin it all by finding her interesting and relateable and asking for a second date!
I'll keep talking to her, if I can. I'm really not all that choked up about her confession. I'd still genuinely like to be her friend! She's easy to talk to, and is a pretty darn good listener. She's the kind of person I'd like to have around, you dig? If she's open to it, I'm totally hip with platonic.
[editline]10th April 2012[/editline]
I'm not a very spiteful guy.
Here's something that's been on my mind lately. How much of a role would braces play in starting a relationship? I'm 17 and am set to have braces on until next winter (which really kinda sucks). I'm wondering if it's even worth trying to get a girl with them on, or if I should wait until they come off to start looking again.
[QUOTE=Bootlord;35520563]Here's something that's been on my mind lately. How much of a role would braces play in starting a relationship? I'm 17 and am set to have braces on until next winter (which really kinda sucks). I'm wondering if it's even worth trying to get a girl with them on, or if I should wait until they come off to start looking again.[/QUOTE]
I had braces up until a few weeks ago, I've had them for the better part of 2 years. I'd say to just go for it, if your braces are the only reason a person dislikes you then they aren't worth it anyway.
Yeah so I think it's about time I got a few more friends, be less shy, maybe get a girlfriend if I'm that successful, that sort of thing.
Long story short, since mid-January I'd been writing to a daily blog about how my day went, my feelings, etc. as a virtual diary kind of thing. Closed it two weeks ago, because all it did was waste time and make me analyze every little detail which led to mental inflation. It wasn't a good feeling.
I have about 5-15 acquaintances (talked once or twice, maybe in a class with them) and about three or four of them I'd consider actual friends (talk frequently, hang out together, etc). One of the friends is far more social than I am, and actually gets invited to parties. I've been to two parties this entire school year, both of which due to coincidentally texting him while he was shitfaced and managing to coax the address out of him.
Normally I'd take the standard 'join a club' 'go to parties' 'talk to people in classes' advice, but the problem is that tomorrow (technically today, as of this post) is the last day of lectures, and then three weeks until exams, and then summer for four months. I don't want to go another summer sitting in my basement coding gmod gamemodes all day on a beard-growing spree, so I'm wondering if anyone has any advice as to what I should do. There has to be at least something that I can do.
I actually joined my uni's DJ club (I DJ as a hobby (see my soundcloud link on the left)), but I have received zero info from them - no emails, no phone number to call, so I'm pretty sure the club's dead. There aren't many clubs that are applicable to me, other than the atheist society, but honestly I don't want to be friends with people that are members of the atheist society. Besides, last day of school is tomorrow.
Like I said I only know the one guy who can get me into parties and he's not really apt to invite me. This is the end of my first year of uni and I'm an astrophysics major, so people in my classes are mostly socially inept. That's not to say I'm that much better, but at least I'm trying, right? I've actually had a couple small-talk conversations with some classmates - assignments, grades, events - but they don't really go anywhere.
Any tips?
[img]http://i.imgur.com/ZpCy8.png[/img]
[QUOTE=Bootlord;35520563]Here's something that's been on my mind lately. How much of a role would braces play in starting a relationship? I'm 17 and am set to have braces on until next winter (which really kinda sucks). I'm wondering if it's even worth trying to get a girl with them on, or if I should wait until they come off to start looking again.[/QUOTE]
Braces are hardly a big deal if you don't make them a big deal, it will suck at first but you will quickly get used to having them on, I barely notice the fact that I have them now (Had them for over a year)
As said above if people reject you for having them then they aren't the sort that you will want to be around anyways, and there is no reason for you to stop pursuing relationships because of them.
[QUOTE=Disseminate;35520600]Any tips?[/QUOTE]
Tell your friend/s your thoughts on your situation and that you'd like to start being more social and outgoing. If he's an actual friend he'll be more than happy to take you along. Hell, even offer to DJ at some of the school house parties, that'd be a great way to throw yourself out there.
[quote]@Juice_Layer
Good luck. Just keep trying. I think once you get into a relationship and you regularly hang out, she wont mind that you live at a longer distance.[/QUOTE]
I'm gonna ask her to lunch, probably this Friday, assuming she has class. Then if that goes down, make plans to go to St. Augustine, FL (like 30 minutes from the house) and I'll buy her dinner. Thank god I've been single long enough to save up enough money to treat a lady right.
So tonight I realized I might be bisexual. Its all very confusing and it sounds dumb as fuck but I honestly don't know.
[QUOTE=SHOE3045;35521502]So tonight I realized I might be bisexual. Its all very confusing and it sounds dumb as fuck but I honestly don't know.[/QUOTE]
Nothing bad about that. Simply means that you have a bigger pool of people to choose from.
At least your chances are doubled of meeting and liking someone that [i]isn't[/i] young enough to be your daughter!
Aaand there, she left me with a text message.
Fuck it ill live alone. Cant wait till i turn 18 so i can buy a fuckton of beer.
[editline]11th April 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=thisBrad;35506684]Guys, I have a friend who I've been friends with since grade 5 and we have been in every class together for all schooling since then. We originally met because we had the same interest in some video game and talked about it a lot. We grew up kind of in our own little bubble and didn't really meet new people and especially didn't talk to girls since we always hung out and always had video games to talk about. We were kind of nerdy and socially awkward, but it was fine for a while. Then high school came around and I started maturing and video games were becoming less of an interest, and while I was still a huge geek with computers, programming and video games in my privacy, I started wearing more stylish clothes and being more aware about my image in public.
High school ends, I've never had a girlfriend and I'm very socially awkward, and it's time for University.
I go through my first year of University and funny enough, me and my friend are in almost all of the same classes. At this point I have almost no interest in video games (Except League of Legends), but my friend still has an obsession with video games and is literally the only thing he talks about. I talk about the weather, he changes the subject to video games--you get the point. At this point, my fashion has changed greatly from high school as I've matured and trying to pick up some ladies, but every time I sit next to a girl my friend sits down at talks about World of Warcraft or something and destroys any chances of the girl talking to me.
So, I'm in university with NO experience with girls and a friend who bores me with his conversations and repels girls. I can't just avoid him or ignore him because we've been friends for so long, and I'm bad at making other friends so he's really all I have.
I'm not trying to put all the blame on him. I am definitely socially awkward and bad at making my own friends In fact a lot of the problem is with me, but its hard to break out of my bubble with him around.
Anyway, right now I just really want a girlfriend or another friend that I can hang out with, but I have no experience with girls and I've dug myself a really deep hole I need to get out of.
How can I break out of this bubble and get my social life rolling? This is probably the last year I will be with my friend, should I just go with the flow next year, or should I actively try to get out of my bubble? I think once your socially awkward, its impossible to escape it :(
If anyone took the time to read the whole thing, its much appreciated.[/QUOTE]
And holy shit are you me? This is exactly where im at. Im in a voctional insitute, 2nd class. My friend keeps talking about video games and its driving me insane. There are no girls in there either. im socially awkward too. In my freetime i basically do nothing.
I just had to leave from school because the girl left me with a text message. I heard shes dating another guy. She wasnt technically my girlfriend yet, i wasnt in love with her, just had a crush.
[editline]11th April 2012[/editline]
Had to leave because i lost a bit hope and realize my life is going back to where it was before. Day after day sitting on computer and not a shit to do. Felt like i cant study right now.
Facepunch I need your help, my friend is contemplating suicide. I try my hardest to tell her she shouldn't kill herself but she keeps wanting to.
Now I dread if she tells me she's going to do it how do I get the police to get to her house, I have no address of hers but only her phone number, Facebook and tumblr info.
Please, what do I do she means a lot to me I don't want her to die
Hey, lied down for an hour, i dont even feel bad anymore. I know theres a few girls here and there who think im cute (yeah cute, im not trying to, though i dont mind) And shit, i got 99 problems, but when im in a party and had a few, a bitch aint one.
Also i think i lost nothing, as i wouldnt want a girl who leaves a boyfriend via a text message saying "no offense but im not interested anymore, i got other stuff to do". (shes dating another guy)
And the plus side about having nothing is that there is also nothing to lose. I feel like i could drive back to school now.
[editline]11th April 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=fruxodaily;35522598]Facepunch I need your help, my friend is contemplating suicide. I try my hardest to tell her she shouldn't kill herself but she keeps wanting to.
Now I dread if she tells me she's going to do it how do I get the police to get to her house, I have no address of hers but only her phone number, Facebook and tumblr info.
Please, what do I do she means a lot to me I don't want her to die[/QUOTE]
If you need to call the cops, im pretty sure they can find her address with her name.
Best you can do is to stay there and listen to her. Dont leave, no matter what. Maybe ask if you can come by her house.
[QUOTE=fruxodaily;35522598]Facepunch I need your help, my friend is contemplating suicide. I try my hardest to tell her she shouldn't kill herself but she keeps wanting to.
Now I dread if she tells me she's going to do it how do I get the police to get to her house, I have no address of hers but only her phone number, Facebook and tumblr info.
Please, what do I do she means a lot to me I don't want her to die[/QUOTE]
See if you can find out her address through her friends, or even ask her directly. Look her up in a phonebook or something?
[QUOTE=Str4fe;35522762]
If you need to call the cops, im pretty sure they can find her address with her name.
Best you can do is to stay there and listen to her. Dont leave, no matter what. Maybe ask if you can come by her house.[/QUOTE]
Ive been talking to her on Facebook for the last hour making sure she doesn't go through with it, her parents Facebook have been locked out for non friends so I can't message them directly even though she said if i do that she won't be my friend but she will thank me in the long run.
She lives a while from my location but I'm making sure everyday she's not feeling suicidal.
I really need to go outside and do some stuff, but the problem is i don't know what. Basically i don't have friends to hang out or something. Some Fper on here that lives in the netherlands, maybe even limburg who knows what's to do over here?
[QUOTE=thisBrad;35506684]Guys, I have a friend who I've been friends with since grade 5 and we have been in every class together for all schooling since then. We originally met because we had the same interest in some video game and talked about it a lot. We grew up kind of in our own little bubble and didn't really meet new people and especially didn't talk to girls since we always hung out and always had video games to talk about. We were kind of nerdy and socially awkward, but it was fine for a while. Then high school came around and I started maturing and video games were becoming less of an interest, and while I was still a huge geek with computers, programming and video games in my privacy, I started wearing more stylish clothes and being more aware about my image in public.
High school ends, I've never had a girlfriend and I'm very socially awkward, and it's time for University.
I go through my first year of University and funny enough, me and my friend are in almost all of the same classes. At this point I have almost no interest in video games (Except League of Legends), but my friend still has an obsession with video games and is literally the only thing he talks about. I talk about the weather, he changes the subject to video games--you get the point. At this point, my fashion has changed greatly from high school as I've matured and trying to pick up some ladies, but every time I sit next to a girl my friend sits down at talks about World of Warcraft or something and destroys any chances of the girl talking to me.
So, I'm in university with NO experience with girls and a friend who bores me with his conversations and repels girls. I can't just avoid him or ignore him because we've been friends for so long, and I'm bad at making other friends so he's really all I have.
I'm not trying to put all the blame on him. I am definitely socially awkward and bad at making my own friends In fact a lot of the problem is with me, but its hard to break out of my bubble with him around.
Anyway, right now I just really want a girlfriend or another friend that I can hang out with, but I have no experience with girls and I've dug myself a really deep hole I need to get out of.
How can I break out of this bubble and get my social life rolling? This is probably the last year I will be with my friend, should I just go with the flow next year, or should I actively try to get out of my bubble? I think once your socially awkward, its impossible to escape it :(
If anyone took the time to read the whole thing, its much appreciated.[/QUOTE]
You don't have flatmates?
[QUOTE=thisBrad;35506684]Guys, I have a friend who I've been friends with since grade 5 and we have been in every class together for all schooling since then. We originally met because we had the same interest in some video game and talked about it a lot. We grew up kind of in our own little bubble and didn't really meet new people and especially didn't talk to girls since we always hung out and always had video games to talk about. We were kind of nerdy and socially awkward, but it was fine for a while. Then high school came around and I started maturing and video games were becoming less of an interest, and while I was still a huge geek with computers, programming and video games in my privacy, I started wearing more stylish clothes and being more aware about my image in public.
High school ends, I've never had a girlfriend and I'm very socially awkward, and it's time for University.
I go through my first year of University and funny enough, me and my friend are in almost all of the same classes. At this point I have almost no interest in video games (Except League of Legends), but my friend still has an obsession with video games and is literally the only thing he talks about. I talk about the weather, he changes the subject to video games--you get the point. At this point, my fashion has changed greatly from high school as I've matured and trying to pick up some ladies, but every time I sit next to a girl my friend sits down at talks about World of Warcraft or something and destroys any chances of the girl talking to me.
So, I'm in university with NO experience with girls and a friend who bores me with his conversations and repels girls. I can't just avoid him or ignore him because we've been friends for so long, and I'm bad at making other friends so he's really all I have.
I'm not trying to put all the blame on him. I am definitely socially awkward and bad at making my own friends In fact a lot of the problem is with me, but its hard to break out of my bubble with him around.
Anyway, right now I just really want a girlfriend or another friend that I can hang out with, but I have no experience with girls and I've dug myself a really deep hole I need to get out of.
How can I break out of this bubble and get my social life rolling? This is probably the last year I will be with my friend, should I just go with the flow next year, or should I actively try to get out of my bubble? I think once your socially awkward, its impossible to escape it :(
If anyone took the time to read the whole thing, its much appreciated.[/QUOTE]
One time at the bus stop, I mentioned that I hadn't played Castlevania and my friend who takes the same bus managed to talk for literally 60 minutes straight about the game while I just wanted to listen to music. I know how you feel.
I hate when people are discussing a topic nobody (save for die-hard fans) could ever find interesting and reject/ignore/miss all of your attempts to change the subject. I'm too nice to flat out say, "I'm not interested in discussing the subtleties of the use of vocal fry in your shitty favorite metal band."
That actually happened to me.
I've been in that situation and if I'm the minority then I think it's polite to just listen for a while, but yeah if they just flat out ignore you when you are clearly uninterested then that's kinda rude as well. You can be light-hearted about it though and say something like "WELL, I have absolutely nothing to contribute to this conversation so let's talk about something else!" and if they still don't get the point then they're probably aspergic or something.
She's okay now, thanks guys :)
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