• My Writing Career so far
    81 replies, posted
I think it would sound better as "William woke suddenly, dagger in hand" although I'm not sure that that is proper use of a comma.
[QUOTE=KmartSqrl;40423364]I think it would sound better as "William woke suddenly, dagger in hand" although I'm not sure that that is proper use of a comma.[/QUOTE] Yeah I was literally just thinking that, I think that is the correct use I should probably change it, i'm slightly dyslexic but it's never normally a problem.
[QUOTE=lemoncurry;40422910]It works, i've never doubted it and it's not even a language technique it just works, I think it's old english or something, you said it's not your first language maybe that's why you don't recognize it. Idk a lot of books i've read repeat words all the time, maybe that's where I get it from. [/QUOTE] I've only seen it work when it's used for emphasis. [QUOTE]War. War never changes.[/QUOTE] War is repeated 7 times in the Fallout 3 intro, and "War never changes" is used as a transition when talking about what lead to the nuclear apocalypse, and after that event. I don't have a novel example in my head right now, but the point is still there.
It's to do with writing how you want it to be read or writing how you want it to be written. Just read that back and it makes no sense but what I mean is sometimes people write for the way it sounds when it is read out loud, as oppose to the literary and linguistic techniques that allow flow on page.
But you're not writing a screenplay, are you? Unusual writing will probably come across as just plain, bad writing to the unknowing reader.
[QUOTE=Loofiloo;40421994]I kind of wish FP had a bigger creative writing community. Shit rarely gets posted, much less talked about in CC, and I'm already getting nostalgic for the creative writing classes I took about a couple years ago.[/QUOTE] Man I'm sitting on tons on short stories and one half-completed novel but I'm too self-conscious about how shit they are to post them.
How come we don't have a little "Facepunch Writers" thread or something? People could go there if they've written something and post it and read what others wrote.
[QUOTE=Derp Y. Mail;40424466]How come we don't have a little "Facepunch Writers" thread or something? People could go there if they've written something and post it and read what others wrote.[/QUOTE] Well, I remember a bunch of threads over at CC but those usually lasted a week or two at most before they became dead, and I don't know about General Discussion since it might be against the rules.
[QUOTE=Loofiloo;40421994]I kind of wish FP had a bigger creative writing community. Shit rarely gets posted, much less talked about in CC, and I'm already getting nostalgic for the creative writing classes I took about a couple years ago.[/QUOTE] I do do a bit of creative writing from time to time, though nothing really novelly; it's more like descriptions of historical events in the continuities I write about. For example, recently I wrote a tiny thing about "Vanada", which is essentially an alternate-history Canada that was founded in the 10th centuries by Norse colonists seeking to escape the changing old world, clinging to the old Norse religion and distancing themselves from the spread of Christianity. There was a fair bit I did about it, from the alternate geology of northeastern "Canada" being volcanically active similar to Iceland, to how the indigenous peoples found themselves enjoying the Viking mead and the effects of alcohol (the notion of altering states of mind adhered to both alcoholic inebriation and the trips associated with the herbal drugs used by the shamans), to the days of the Vanadian week and the divine entities associated with each day. (example; Wodensday is dedicated to Woden and the Great Bear Spirit, the god of woodworking and lumberjacking, and the spirit of the forest respectively) There's also an explanation as to how Vanada managed to stay independent in the face of the European empires colonising the Americas; whilst the colonies brought over guns, the Vanadians had flamethrowers or "hand-dragons" as they call them. Initially designed by a "touched" lumberjack to burn away tree-stumps, hand-dragons became a weapon to be feared throughout the colonial United States, since whilst muskets could reach a fair distance and punch through most armour, they took a while to reload; Vanadian hand-dragons didn't have that problem, since they had fuel-bags attached, and even though a hand-dragon's flame couldn't reach as far as a well-aimed musket shot, they could still reach a fair distance and burn someone alive. Even the French couldn't break the kingdom of Vanada, and even the most skilled of musketeers knew to fear the Vanadian dragon-handlers.
[QUOTE=Derp Y. Mail;40424466]How come we don't have a little "Facepunch Writers" thread or something? People could go there if they've written something and post it and read what others wrote.[/QUOTE] I did throw around the idea in my head about creating a Facepunch Writers Group, but I didn't know if it would ever catch on or where I'd even put it. I haven't seen many threads for writing in the Creationism Corner.
In that case, we should establish a "Creative Writing Megathread" in Creationism Corner, inviting all creative writers to write creatively and suchlike. "If you build it, they will come". And then there was baseball.
you could also write for cracked for a bit of money and some publicity it looks good when you can say you've had an article that millions have read on your resume.
I have been writing on and off for quite some time, but I never really know where to post any of my writing. I began a big project a few months back, got intimidated and haven't touched it since. I wish I wasn't so scared of my imagination, I want to write more. If anybody would be interested in reading the first part of this story I began working on months back, please do, I would really love criticism and opinion. Maybe it would feed me the drive I need to continue this project. I don't mean to promote myself or hi-jack your thread, it just reminded me of this story I had such big plans for, and now it depresses me that I've left it alone for so long.... :( [url]http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/lifemonkey/1130449/[/url]
I think every writer has that project that never comes to fruition. I know I have some. [editline]26th April 2013[/editline] You know what? To hell with it, we really should make a creative writing thread. Maybe there I can post a short story I just finished.
[QUOTE=The_J_Hat;40425231] You know what? To hell with it, we really should make a creative writing thread. Maybe there I can post a short story I just finished.[/QUOTE] Lead the way, I'll be frequenting that thread.
As a guy who writes a lot, I desperately want criticism and can never find it. Getting your work torn apart is the best way to see what you're doing wrong. I get somewhat bothered when somebody refuses criticism and sees it as, well, criticism.
[QUOTE=lifemonkey;40425282]Lead the way, I'll be frequenting that thread.[/QUOTE] Me too; I feel that I could show a few things myself. Also that story of yours was kinda neat. I can't place the setting though, though initially it seemed like Depression era. What timeframe were you aiming for with that tale?
[url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1266054&p=40425425#post40425425[/url] Made it
Right. Sorry to hijack your thread, Lemon Curry.
OP, read some Harry Turtledove to get a good idea of what good historical fiction looks like. I can understand artistic license, and using modern language for the sake of readability, but the combination of modern language and that "old English" writing style you do makes everything feel very disjoint. [quote]The War ended two years ago, supposedly anyway. King Edward, fourth of his name, has ruled these years in relative peace and prosperity, despite the encroaching Lancastrian rebels who would seek his downfall.[/quote] This for example. The short, almost colloquial sounding first sentence really contrasts with the flowing, correct-for-the-period style you have in the second sentence. This isn't to say that a combination of sentence lengths is bad, just how you seem to utilize it in these piece. [QUOTE=lemoncurry;40423282]Well they do, maybe you don't read enough. I've literally seen phrases like this used a thousand times in historical novels, tough to find an example but idk the title of this maybe: [url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-J7ltAK8z4[/url] +wow you really get ripped into when you post your work here i'm not surprised there's not a literature section.[/QUOTE] Criticism =/= ripping into You may not want or care to have our criticism, but if you can't handle it here, you'll never get published. You have to have thick skin about these sorts of things otherwise your own ego will get the better of you.
[QUOTE=Mr. Bleak;40426876]OP, read some Harry Turtledove to get a good idea of what good historical fiction looks like. I can understand artistic license, and using modern language for the sake of readability, but the combination of modern language and that "old English" writing style you do makes everything feel very disjoint. This for example. The short, almost colloquial sounding first sentence really contrasts with the flowing, correct-for-the-period style you have in the second sentence. This isn't to say that a combination of sentence lengths is bad, just how you seem to utilize it in these piece. Criticism =/= ripping into You may not want or care to have our criticism, but if you can't handle it here, you'll never get published. You have to have thick skin about these sorts of things otherwise your own ego will get the better of you.[/QUOTE] Ok, fair enough. Guess I don't take criticism as well as I could, i'm surrounded by people in my school who've never even read a book so probably not used to it, w/e.
[QUOTE=lemoncurry;40421771]God I hate it when people download it for free then criticizing it... But yeah editing costs a lot of money and I don't actually know anybody that's willing to proof read it, as I said in OP a couple mates read it and I asked some of my teachers to help out and they said no. I did run through it a few times but it is very hard to look critically at your own work which is a bit of a drag, i'm not the best for spelling/grammar mistakes, especially when they're a midst 100,000 words ahah. How long does the sample thing go on for? Seems like amazon are cheating me out of my moneys worth, but thanks for the constructive criticism, i'll go back and fix those immediately! + its historical [I]fiction[/I] so I can say fuck if I want ahahh[/QUOTE] [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/1orWDZX.png[/IMG] The first sentence. But really, I don't think you should be charging money for this. I haven't read it, but if you want to make a name for yourself on the internet, don't charge money for your first-time book that is filled to the brim with grammar mistakes and whatnot.
[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;40429046][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/1orWDZX.png[/IMG] The first sentence. But really, I don't think you should be charging money for this. I haven't read it, but if you want to make a name for yourself on the internet, don't charge money for your first-time book that is filled to the brim with grammar mistakes and whatnot.[/QUOTE] I make do promotional offer things most weekends, in those periods it's free.
I firmly believe this isn't something you should be selling right now after reading your sample. It's as if I'm reading something from a poor tenth grade creative writing piece. Your use of grammar is enormously incorrect and sometimes just downright confusing. I think your English writing skills needs to improve before you should try selling it.
[QUOTE=lemoncurry;40422407]They wont. If someone doesn't like the genre I won't try and win them over, if you don't like pancakes you don't like pancakes : /[/QUOTE] That's the thing, though. It's not the genre people don't like - you're making [i]yourself[/i] come across as unlikeable. I appreciate what you're doing, and it's very enterprising, but the way in which you are unable to take criticism shows you need to mature and learn to take on board advice. Everyone was trying to help you, and instead of thanking them graciously and looking into what they said you jumped in to defensive mode which is a very wrong way of doing things.
Lemoncurry, forgive my somewhat off-topic question but what authors do you like to read?
[QUOTE=chaz13;40430597]That's the thing, though. It's not the genre people don't like - you're making [i]yourself[/i] come across as unlikeable. I appreciate what you're doing, and it's very enterprising, but the way in which you are unable to take criticism shows you need to mature and learn to take on board advice. Everyone was trying to help you, and instead of thanking them graciously and looking into what they said you jumped in to defensive mode which is a very wrong way of doing things.[/QUOTE] I took everything into account and even went back to fix those mistakes... Even though I didn't make this thread for editing purposes, all I've actually got so far is off topic grammar nazi-esque remarks on how the literary style is terrible and amateur, and that i'm generally a bad writer. Just because I don't agree that i'm a shit writer doesn't mean i'm 'jumping on defensive'. [editline]26th April 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=BradB;40430658]Lemoncurry, forgive my somewhat off-topic question but what authors do you like to read?[/QUOTE] I love George RR Martins [I]A Song of Ice and Fire[/I], it got me into writing a couple years ago, but I also like Bernard Cornwell and of course [I]The Lord of the RIngs[/I]. [editline]26th April 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=The_J_Hat;40425900]Right. Sorry to hijack your thread, Lemon Curry.[/QUOTE] That's okay mate, glad my threads resulted in something cool.
[QUOTE=lemoncurry;40431639]I took everything into account and even went back to fix those mistakes... Even though I didn't make this thread for editing purposes, all I've actually got so far is off topic grammar nazi-esque remarks on how the literary style is terrible and amateur, and that i'm generally a bad writer. Just because I don't agree that i'm a shit writer doesn't mean i'm 'jumping on defensive'. [/QUOTE] You're doing it right now. People on facepunch, believe it or not, are still people. The same people that will in future be purchasing your books, chasing you down after book signings and whatever else rich authors do. If people don't seem to appreciate your writing, do you think that's because they're evil internet grammar nazi's, or because it's [i]just not that good?[/i] How is it off topic to comment on the quality of product or make suggestinos for the product in a thread about that product? You can either continue the ego trip and not get anywhere, or realise that sure you may not be Stephen King yet but you have a lot of time to practice, learn and [i]take constructive criticism[/i] when it's given to you. No one has said you're terrible, or told you to give up. Everyone's just being helpful, and suggesting this isn't of a high enough quality to be sold - which is fine - it just means you need more time and practice.
[QUOTE=chaz13;40431974]You're doing it right now. People on facepunch, believe it or not, are still people. The same people that will in future be purchasing your books, chasing you down after book signings and whatever else rich authors do. If people don't seem to appreciate your writing, do you think that's because they're evil internet grammar nazi's, or because it's [i]just not that good?[/i] How is it off topic to comment on the quality of product or make suggestinos for the product in a thread about that product? You can either continue the ego trip and not get anywhere, or realise that sure you may not be Stephen King yet but you have a lot of time to practice, learn and [i]take constructive criticism[/i] when it's given to you. No one has said you're terrible, or told you to give up. Everyone's just being helpful, and suggesting this isn't of a high enough quality to be sold - which is fine - it just means you need more time and practice.[/QUOTE] Wow I really don't know what you want from me mate maybe instead of criticizing me on a personal level take a look at the fucking book.
Relevant [img]http://i.imgur.com/WBbXV.png[/img]
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