I like The cellphone part but alot of the vidoe seems long an drawn out.
I guess he's running away from a one-legged man carrying a boombox playing a short looping helicopter sound who is also spraying asthmatic irritants every which way.
Wow guys. This short film can really win some indie trophy for "Worst film ever, but its on youtube and made by a autistic child so who cares" award that no one ever heard of. Lets go over the film.
This film seems to be involving Jones Upwoods the "Protagonist". More like Jones Loves-his-mans-wood-up, the optimistic homosexual, with asthma. He seems to be running around in his redneck neighbors property searching for vitamins and shitty Chinese BB weaponry (Top secret stuff!) and running from a helicopter which seems to be no more than 10 feet above his head, and probably the pilot is distracted by his mothers floppy tits swaying in the breeze created by the helicopter flying right by her fucking window. but the pilot isn't worried, since the fat kid hes chasing (Has his fucking cold medicine!! Damn it, time to stop by the drug store again.) While the pilot is distracted by the fat kids mother, he mistakenly presses the "USE HL2 SOUNDS FOR SHITTY SHORTFILM" ordinance selector, and boom fires invisible rounds of combine voice boxes and rounds at the kid. While he is distracted by the corrugated clear plastic roof.
To really give this kid some real critique, I have thought of a few fallacies in the short film. Which in fact, is a waste of my time. Why? Because this thread and movie will fly away in the dust. But lets go over a few of these problems.
First of all this movie is ALL first person shit-camera view. Not only did this movie overwrite his parents sex tapes on their VHS recorder, but this time doesn't make you nauseated. This is probably due to the fact that the film maker is way too dumb to know how to run with a camera and pound 3 keys onto his shitty 10 year old cellphone, which in turn he got some message. Probably from his carrier saying "BRO, DON'T RELEASE THIS FILM FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY". The film maker also recruited his retarded (downs syndrome + austism + aids + herpes (he ate one of his mothers many used condoms)) brother to write him a letter "JONES USE THIS!!!!(!~~!". Which from this point, you can clearly see how budget this film is.
First, he picks up a syringe. Without the needle, his father probably took it since it was his last good one. No one likes a used needle for their heroin hobby.
Second, the gun is clearly cheap chinese bullshit.
Thirdly, [b]Karvol[/b]. Not only does the film maker inhale this (Obviously a sign of addiction), but it clearly shows that he can't deal with a cold like a [b]MAN[/b].
The film ends off adruptly. He looks up and sees the slightly overcast sky through the corrugated transparent plastic sheets, to reveal the HELICOPTER. Wait, its not there. But we can see at this point he jacked this shit straight out of the HL2 GCF. Since we here the combine telling him "Shit man, this shit totally sucked". And shot him dead, I sure hope it was Dr. Freeman who wacked this bastard on the top of the head with his pistol. This isn't even crowbar worthy.
The worst part is, through the entire 1:27 of your life wasted on this, is first: knowing this cannot win any award for the sake of the creativity in short-films. And secondly, this kid is asthmatic and clearly running from a helicopter that is parked on his bloated head. So short story, i mean film, short; its pointless to be running from a helicopter when its either 1) Just a sound you jacked from your computer or 2) parked on your head, and you got severe asthma and a craving for Karvol.
Based on my review, I hereby give this film a big ol rating of
[img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_r9fRiexHfCI/SYms0h_XI-I/AAAAAAAACFE/KElDSazR9ww/s400/end+of+the+day.jpg[/img]
I believe this says it all.
[QUOTE=Tacosheller;24810398]Jesus you run slow
How much do you weigh[/QUOTE]
Well i don't care much about this shitheap anymore it was just something to do while waiting for a package to arrive. so.
It wasn't actually because of my weight or whatever. I can run pretty fast i was just viewing via the camera viewfinder and my garden's path is slightly slanted, and if you'll notice, an ankle high fence. Coupled with looking directly forward and having NO depth perception it's almost possible you'll trip and die unless you're looking properly. Which is what i did at the end of the path.
[editline]11:52PM[/editline]
Actually. It's not vitamins, It's a nasal decongestant called Karvol. i just grabbed the bottle from my room(I had a cold ages ago) and took it down the garden for a bit of bored filming. TBH i'm not ashamed by this film, just a bit.. Meh.
[editline]11:53PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=tepholman;24809751]So, our heavily asthmatic hero flees (and by that I mean walks very slowly) from a horrible looping rotor sound while waving around his mobile for no reason, until he finds a toy gun and some drugs, which he stares at intently and waves them around a bit. Then he suddenly develops extreme photosensitivity, someone plays a combine voice sound, and the view cuts out to obscure the fact that Comrade couldn't be bothered to edit in bullets - I mean to obscure the gore.[/QUOTE]
The audio is now diamonds.
Im sorry i dont hear any helicopter.
I wanna hear the normal audio :( Also I never see chopper.
Wow it's like cloverfield but worse
"Not a ripoff or related to What's In The Box."
Other than the "first person" cam, how could you possibly compare these two?
i love how you say you dont care about this video anymore because youve come to realization that it sucks hard
[editline]10:32PM[/editline]
did you honestly think it was good?
[QUOTE=Comrade General;24800208]
Credits:
Jones Upwoods - Me
Cameraman - Me
Editing - Me
Sounds - Valve Software
Props - Me.[/QUOTE]
When all the credits are you, you know it's going to suck.
It had absolutely no plot, the camera work was shoddy, the shots of things in your hands were weird, and you reaaaally need to work on that handwriting of yours.
It looks like you had something going, but you really need more than just one scene with absolutely no insight to the plot.
Practice walking really smoothly with the camera in-hand, and try balancing it on your shoulder and holding it so it's not just rattling around.
did somebody save it with the audio, i want to see this masterpiece again
[QUOTE=ThePutty;25235962]did somebody save it with the audio, i want to see this masterpiece again[/QUOTE]
dido, this should be archived somewhere
Damnit I wanted to see it.
Everyone has "one of those days". I've had twenty here on facepunch. This is one of your first. Beware.
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