Angry, sad, depressed, miserable, feeling hopeless? Come here and lets help each other out! - General

[QUOTE=I Fail At Lua;35894664]May I ask what happened to your mouth?[/QUOTE] Currently in a legal battle with Doctors over giving me clonidine which can cause Dental Disease, Gum Diseases...Tooth Decay, Periodontal Disease...Because it dries your mouth out and I didn't know it did this as well...I require over 20,000 dollars worth of work on my teeth...They are all dead.

[QUOTE=Kimaru;35894332]I need 10 dollars for this Magic mouthwash script I have and Basically my dad spent all the money so now I have to suffer till I get money to pay for it...Possibly even progressing of infection....I Feel so ashamed for asking but if someone could spare 10 dollars on Paypal I would pay you back by Saturday...This stuff numbs my gums etc...Ill even post a picture of my teeth to prove it...Please for the love of christ help. -nasty teeth- Paypal is [email]kimaru22@gmail.com[/email]....[/QUOTE] I sent you $20 in case he spends all the money again. You dont even need to repay me. :)

~Snip~( I feel like I'm being a whiny bitch)

[QUOTE=Red scout?;35900265]I sent you $20 in case he spends all the money again. You dont even need to repay me. :)[/QUOTE] Thank you guys for the help...Love Y'all...Can tolerate teeth pain now.

[QUOTE=Kimaru;35909992]Thank you guys for the help...Love Y'all...Can tolerate teeth pain now.[/QUOTE] Always happy to help dude. You don't have to pay me back either.

Yay, can fail a class/have to write whole-year test fo, everyone blames it on my laziness and that i am just not caring at all. I hate them, for not even trying to see anything else than they want, crying for few minutes now and then near people, they can't even notice how i feel, sometimes thinking bout just running away from everything, both physically and in terms of suicide. I would so just grab my money which i was saving for guitar (wich i think am not really gonna get, disinterested, like everything else i tried) right now and get a therapist or someone, but i am just scared in some way, like phobia of doctors. I even dislike going to my GD when i'm ill. I would so want now to be alone, far from anybody. I feel so pathetic for writing this.

Well.. last year, about this time a girl from my grade that i knew when i was little started approaching me in class. By this time i was somewhat depressed and she was in a way intrigued by me, and preoccupied for my being "depressed".. i many times had wondered in that state for a month trying to cope with things but she suddenly came and said.. "i want to help you". through a lot of time and talking we became best friends and shared absolutely everything and she became one of the most important relationships in my life.. i would maybe describe a kind of dependency that i had on her, because she had shown me that things could be a bit better in general and i didn't have to limit myself. The thing is, for her, as for many other girls that become close to me, i had some kind of feelings. i really don't understand my romantic feelings and its something i want to think over and try to make sense of but i tend to merge friendship and love a bit more than i should. i feel like one of the best ways to connect with your partner is by trying to be able to say anything and not be afraid of the personal implications that may have, also to be able to talk about how to understand life and to have at least, methods or ideas o f this in common (or mutually understand them). this is something that this friendship was very close to. So, as has happened before, i had these feelings for a girl but its not like i liked her and wanted to act on it.. more like thoughts and what ifs, and not because i didn't have the confidence to do it but because i didn't really feel in me the need or the determined feeling that i liked her or was in love with her. Then also is the time that she broke up with her boyfriend and told me some detail about it.. and later said that all her close friends were falling in love with her and she was losing people to go to. that's when i opted to be the safe place because it was best for her. (i figured i would cause her more trouble if i decided to do anything.. which again, i wasn't really very inclined to do). skipping much detail.. many times the relationship had its bumps and i fell limitations on what i was able to tell her (i should mention.. i shared things more often than she did). one big bump was when i told her about weed.. apparently her ex boyfriend had some serious problems and for her it seemed to be because of weed.. she also saw other friends steal and heavily lie and she is a very honest person so that scared her and gave her prejudices.. she had other "worse" things that happened to her because of people around her taking drugs but she never got to tell me. over time our relationship has dozed down.. now it isn't the same as before.. we used to Skype almost everyday for almost all the afternoon, now we occasionally chat and find it very hard to make a conversation where it doesn't get to "i need help"-ish. after having to think a bit more i decided i would show myself and possibly others that there is a possibility to maintain that kind of relationship without the need for feelings and so on because it would complicate things less and would cause no trouble between us. then she met this guy... after some time they fell in love yadda yadda and now they are together. the thing is that a lot of time ago we had been trying to schedule a day to get together and listen to music and always had to postpone it. now we had a weekend at the beach, she was gonna be at her friends house and i asked her if she wanted to go to the beach with me to finally listen to music when she said: "Well.. i dont think that would be okay with *guy* as he is a few beaches from here and i really want to be with him and i don't want him to think there are other things happening" (t this point they weren't yet together) to which i said okay.. being obviously, a bit bugged by this, but was understandable. then later one time we started talking about love and about my perception of it compared to that of the common social standard and how i wasn't sure if i had ever loved or to what extent and we got to talking about fidelity and how if your partner wants to go with someone else you shouldn't insist on him to stay because whats the point if he/she doesn't want to be there anymore. then somehow the listening to music thing came up again, and now that she was with the guy she said.. well i don't want to make him feel odd.. and then i said; "but what did we just say? if you wanted to go with someone else, which inst the case but might be what he is thinking, then why should he do anything about it" (not considering the fact that he would feel very sad about it. but see.. the interesting part is the why he would feel odd. its not because she was out with some guy listening to music by themselves. it was because she used to have a thing for me and used to tell him all about it and he feels like me and her alone would be a dangerous set up. of course i intend to do nothing and i am really happy for them (inevitably it bugs me a little but i like both of them and i like them together). however now i knew she had a crush on me.. and through conversation i ended up knowing how BIG a crush it was. first thing.. i considered how my way to asses my relationship with girls always puts me in an inferiority complex and never feeling like i should try or like i even feel something. she talked about how we could've had something but its good that we are how we are and she doesn't wander about that too much because she is content. i felt too that its good we remain as friends.. however up to this point i have never considered that i could really have something with her, and now seeing as how it was at the grasp of my hand but because of me always feeling like i shouldn't say shit and not really defining i lost that chance. i mainly care about having the friend i used to have back, more than i even wonder what if we had become a couple. (however the later the later has increased as its just after she moves on that i realize there existed the possibility of us being together). a week or two ago i talked to her telling her how i missed talking to her the way we used to and how now we can barely talk and it just feels stiff and forced. she then said that she knew it was her fault, she had been so caught up in her new found happiness that she had payed much less attention to a lot of the close friends around her and that we should start talking again and try to fix this because neither wanted to just let the thing die. (she also mentioned that as the prom trip was coming, we would have plenty of time to be in our group of friends (mainly her group of female friends and my occasionally joining group of male friends) and that we could one day finally go to the beach and listen to music [haha fat chance]) we did this and had fun.. i didn't listen to music with her but we did went to see the sunset she her friend and i while building a sand "castle" and taking pictures. then a few days ago i sent her chunk of change EP from passion pit (which has described perfectly what i had felt for her a lot of the time) because i really wanted her to listen to it from a lot of time ago.. not specifically because of the relation it had to "us" but because i wanted to talk to her on how i understand love and such and i still cant understand it and that EP painted it very close to what i feel. we ended talking about how things had changed and its just "not the same anymore".. i felt for some time that the moments when we did feel good with each other was because she felt something for me and now that she doesn't she doesn't care that much about me and inst as interested and im not getting that back ever again. however we used to talk a lot and feel good even before she had the crush on me.. but still, something has changed and that SEEMS undeniable so i said.. instead of grasping to what we used to be (which mainly I was doing) maybe we should try to have a new, more casual dynamic where we can still talk and share all our things.. and that's what we are gonna try now.. however i still feel this thing.. its as if now that i realized the possibility i feel like i have forcefully fallen in love and need to move on from this relationship i haven't even had. i have cried over missing the one person that had given me hopes of comprehension and realizing that i wont get that again because our relationship has changed and has a big mark of events that affects where we stand now. one very important thing is that i usually im in a downer state.. i contemplate depression but not following in it.. i feel sadness kepeps us in contact with reality and the ignorant people who decide to not face many facts that make them sad just lie to themselves and live in their own world but not reality.. but my friend often seems to want to cure this.. she asks "are you okay?" and i feel like i have to report in a positive note.. but i like being in this position sometimes..but she says "i worry about you." so i dont feel like i can talk about my views easily without having that whole "lets try and make it better" thing. which at many times has helped me (when i have stepped closer to depression) but when im in this position, i wanna be able to exprese it and tyhats the bit that i feel is harder for us to achieve in conversation. my point being i dont know how i feel about her or about things arount her.. i dont know what to feel.. i kinda know hoiw to act.. im trying my best to start talking to her the way we used to and she is trying too revive our "small talk" but i really have a lot of messed around feelings that i cant really ddefine or understand.. Sorry for the huge writing.. i really like expressing myself through words, it helps me a massive amount just to type it out and have it written and "organized" in front of me.. i cutted a lot of detail though cos it was unnecesarry and way too much for a post (considering this is already excesive?) Tl;dr? just read the las 5 parragraphs (including the two little ones) still too long? ok: i miss girl that was very good for me in many ways and not gf and helped me see life differently and had lots of good times but now things arent the same and fill somewhat forced.. i dont know what i feel, or ever felt for her completely..

I battle with social anxieties every day, except when I'm on stimulants or bensodiazepines. Four years ago, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. Though often I feel more eccentric than to just have Asperger Syndrome alone, maybe it's just my anxiety related difficulties telling me that I'm more insane than I actually am. 10 years ago, when I was 11 years old, my long struggle with panic anxiety disorder started its long journey. Something happened to me at that age, one night I suddenly woke up experiencing the most intense panic I never even knew existed. Sometimes I wonder if it could have been some sort of epileptic activity in my amygdala due to the level of intensiveness. I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs in pure panic, trying to kick away the unknown man in the darkness who was grabbing at me. After a couple of seconds that felt like an eternity, I recognize the face of my father, who was only trying to calm me down. After that I had a constant feeling of intense fear of my surroundings, almost psychotic in nature; behind every corner, behind every wall, even behind the ceiling I felt like the presence of the darkest beings was there to grab me and kill me or just rip me away from existence. I couldn't do anything, I had to stay home from school for several months, being medicated from times to times with diazepam. Imagine how intense fear an eleven year old have to experience, for physicians to even consider prescribing something as addictive as a bensodiazepine, and the worst part was, I didn't even feel like it was helping at all. Note that I live in Sweden, where physicians are very restrictive with prescribing bensodiazepines. I couldn't sleep alone in my room for several weeks, having intense nightmares for months. As years passed it got easier to live, but even now, 10 years later I still can't sleep with the lights off. I rather sleep on the day, though still experiencing fear at night in the dark. It has led to countless addictions, the worst one being alcohol. I was drunk for 3 months 24/7, it ended up with me puking blood and then hospitalization. This constant fear has kept me from experiencing everything a normal person should experience, basing all my decisions on fear. I am 21 years old and have never been to a party, I have never had a relationship, I have never been in love, I can't get an official education because of my social anxieties, I have never been to a cafe, I can't even go to the store to buy new clothes. My only connection to the social world is through a few friends that's basically my dealers and internet forums. I live in an apartment on welfare benefits with habilitation staff checking in on me once every week, having been declared with 0% ability to work by physicians. I am bored out of my mind not being able to do anything. Psychiatrists tell me they don't know how to help because I have tried so many medications during the years of my life. So what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

Dude you described your experience so well and you obviously are extremely good with vocabulary so I imagine you are very good with words etc I think a good thing to set your mind to would be to maybe try and write a book? You could like either make a fiction sotry or make a long book about all your experiences dealing with your problems like real in depth, a sort of autobiography im sure lots of people would find it interesting as well and I reckon you would be able to write it if you put your mind to it. You could work at your own pace as well.

[QUOTE=Stormcharger;36003200]Dude you described your experience so well and you obviously are extremely good with vocabulary so I imagine you are very good with words etc I think a good thing to set your mind to would be to maybe try and write a book? You could like either make a fiction sotry or make a long book about all your experiences dealing with your problems like real in depth, a sort of autobiography im sure lots of people would find it interesting as well and I reckon you would be able to write it if you put your mind to it. You could work at your own pace as well.[/QUOTE] that would be pretty interesting both for entertainment and science. People can learn about a developmental disability from a new light and scientists or doctors can use it to maybe help you communicate in social situations by finding ways of utilizing your capabilities.

This damn depression is just destroying me. It has taken so much. I can't get a job, lost few friends, lost my creativity and motivation to everything. I just feel like a empty shell that has nothing to give. I keep hiding my emotions. Can't even get angry anymore I just agree with everything so I don't get into arguments. I give up even easy challenges. Even something as easy as calling friends is getting harder and harder. I was supposed to do some phone calls about jobs but I just can't do it and then I lie that I did call them. Tried to get help for my gambling addiction too but just got answer there is months of queue before me. Probably same with getting help for my depression, don't know since I can't call them. I don't know if I even want help. somehow I like being miserable and depressed. I know it would help seeing doctor or something. I did that for few years but then I moved to another city and haven't had those meetings since. Don't really have anyone to talk to. I have been without job for 2 years now and haven't gotten to any schools. Trying again next week but I don't think I get accepted. Been meeting with this one person trying to help me find a job and I just have to keep lying that I didn't really call any of the places she told me to. If I don't do it I lose money support and lose my apartment and everything.. If I have to move back with my parents I see my friends even less since they all live in other city where I live right now. If that happens its all over.. I'm just so tired to do anything..

It's hard to find words of consolation for someone deep in the throes of depression. It seems we try to change the perception of their plight with paltry empathetic phrases; "I've been there before, it will get better"; "Don't give up, there's so much to live for." It's a nice sentiment but these words just don't carry any weight in their eyes. They're as vapid and pointless as everything else in their life. Generally speaking, depression is not a state arrived at through logical appraisal of one's life. I cannot say definitively where it comes from, apart from the purely physiological cases, but what I do know, through my own experiences and those of people near to me is that, often, it just doesn't. make. sense. The crushing sense of aloneness, of despondency, is disproportionate to the severity of the dilemma. It is too much. Those who haven't experienced depression cannot fathom its depths. It's analogous to reaching the bottom of a bottomless pit. It confounds all reason; it is lightless and without hope. There's no way to rationalize how you got there and no perceptible way out. Bad things may have happened, and as prolific as those things may seem, the sum of their parts shouldn't have landed you as low as you are now. I don't believe depression to be a natural state. It is not something that anyone is [i]supposed[/i] to feel. Granted there will be sadness from time to time, and when unfortunate events happen they [i]should[/i] be met with a certain pensive sadness. But depression is something more, once you're there, once you're beleaguered by your own emotions, it is perceptibly inescapable. I spent several years extremely depressed. Looking back on that period in my life I cannot distinguish one day from another for, in my perception, there were no days anymore, there was only time. Time that seemed it would never end and never again would I rise from this bottomless pit into the light of day. The days passed, flippantly unaware of my heedless disregard of them. Over time my apathy began to grow and through this apathy I began to view my situation more objectively. I attempted to take emotion out of the equation to see the qualitative idiosyncracies of my life that could lead me to such a place. From this objective viewpoint I realized that, while things were bad, they were not nearly as severe as they felt. This realization wasn't some instant "cure-all" that led immediately to infinite happiness and bliss, but it was a start. It dulled the pain and turned time into an emotional anesthetic that grew stronger everyday. Suddenly there was a hint of light at the bottom of my bottomless pit. More time passed. The light grew stronger. Still more time passed until that tiny speck of light had become a virtual celestial body, its fiery iridescence eradicating all shadow and illuminating the way out. I was happy again. The remarkably unexpected thing is that time itself, the very thing I disdained for its perpetual forward progress, marching on without any concern for me, is what saved me. The only advice I feel truly qualified to give is this: Look at your life. Take a step back and observe it at the most visceral of levels; the level of self preservation. Know that, at the very least, you CAN survive and survival inherently gives you [i]time[/i], and with that time inevitably comes [i]change[/i]. That this temporal body you possess will carry on and you will have many more chances at happiness. Those who find themselves early in the throes of depression almost autonomously rebuke this but I implore you to do whatever you can to maintain rationality, to attempt to place pragmatism above emotion. No matter what route towards mental/spiritual contentment you may find yourself on, I believe, if you just keep going, that you WILL get there. [editline]1st June 2012[/editline] I'm high and I made this for you

So here it goes. I was buying a really sexy computer but my dad wouldn't let me go over $500. The build costed $700. So I removed some items to buy it secretly. I gave the $200 to my sister to buy the rest of the computer. Couple days later she left with my money. (She lives in her own house and came to visit us for fun). Now I'm stuck with half a computer sitting right infront of me. I'm sad. Guess it's my fault for being sneaky.

Really sick from my tooth right now...Been puking and such...Right when I get my mxe too...Mothafuckah

snip

The girl I love with all my heart, that Ive been talking to every day, all day, for almost 2 years straight, left me for another guy. Just a couple days after I called her out on playing me while talking to this guy, being all sneaky and blocking me from seeing him posting lovey dovey shit on her facebook wall, she changed her profile pic to a picture of her kissing him. Ive spent so much time with her the last few months, we were dating, and now she wants to throw it all way.. so yea, im coping with it in various ways that are unhealthy but I just dont care.. my heart is so broken.. And the worst part is she refuses to admit she was playing games, says it was my fault for various reasons and shit, shes in complete denial that its mostly her fucking fault.. Ive been taking anywhere from 150-300mg's a day of morphine for the last 1 1/2 to 2 weeks, with a few missed days here and there, and until I ran my free supply of 5mg Zolpidem's (aka. Ambien), I was taking four of those every night for about a week to help make sure I was really high every night and be able to pass out. So basically right now Im just so fucking hurt by this shit because I thought I knew what kind of girl she was, but I couldntve been more wrong. So Im stuck in this pattern of heavy drug use, but my morphine tolerance has gotten so jacked up since things started going wrong with my ex-girl, I chewed 3x 60mg MScontins and then another one about 30 minutes later for a total of 240mg of morphine, and I wasnt even very high..

So... I just told the very first girl I had feelings for, that we could not be together anymore, as she started to sneak around me, turning all of our apointments down and shit. And as if that not should be enough, I just found my beloved moped, thrown down in a water hole. - Well, at least the moped is running again, after a whole day of working on it...

I would like to make a post about how this thread made me feel better and fixed my depression, but its just making me feel worse.

an important thing about this thread is showing how you are not alone with whatever problems you have. Now i dont mean its helping by showing how shittier other people lives are, but if you think that you are the only one with a problem, then it makes you feel even more alone and makes the feeling worse. By understanding that others have similar problems then you can feel like you can express it to someone and not feel so awkward about it. Now you know that other people can understand where you are coming from, you will be more willing to go seek help and begin the healing process you need. Even expressing your thoughts on here can help you create a structured way of telling people in real life.

Adding onto my last post in here 3 days ago, on top of only having missed one day of taking some kind of narcotic out of over 2 weeks, Ive been cutting myself alot too.. This is killing me so bad.. even if Im high on opiates, I still want to cut at times, and I cut worse because I dont feel as much pain so I need to cut deeper and longer. But its even worse when Im sober.. I literally cut myself to sleep last night basically. The pain was the only thing that could get my mind off things.. Im dying inside guys.. I just wish life could go nicely for once..

jonas, take up meditation. seriously, go onto youtube and get yourself a guided meditation. it (for me personally) relaxes me and releases all urges for self harm from my mind and lets me evaluate the decisions that have lead to the problems and what sort of solution is required. I'd also assume that getting off the morphine binge would help, maybe toke some weed to help you de-stress. I've never met you, but I'm always open to help you, as I'm in the throes of a 6 year long depression now and don't want others like you to feel alone. good luck friend

Cypher_09 (and the monk) does an excellent job explaining meditation, so i suggest you start here jonas [url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1163910[/url] it has helped me a lot also.

[QUOTE=Arkay;36272691]jonas, take up meditation. seriously, go onto youtube and get yourself a guided meditation. it (for me personally) relaxes me and releases all urges for self harm from my mind and lets me evaluate the decisions that have lead to the problems and what sort of solution is required. I'd also assume that getting off the morphine binge would help, maybe toke some weed to help you de-stress. I've never met you, but I'm always open to help you, as I'm in the throes of a 6 year long depression now and don't want others like you to feel alone. good luck friend[/QUOTE] As it is at the moment, everything has cleared up. My fucking moped is running again, leaking a bit of motor oil, but that is all. - I did just talk to the girl again this week, and we decided that we would try to go back as friends, so pray that it works out! But thank you so much for caring, it means alot to me!

[QUOTE=Jonas Correll;36277973]As it is at the moment, everything has cleared up. My fucking moped is running again, leaking a bit of motor oil, but that is all. - I did just talk to the girl again this week, and we decided that we would try to go back as friends, so pray that it works out! But thank you so much for caring, it means alot to me![/QUOTE] haha, didnt realize two jonas' posted on this page. However, still try it, meditation is prime.

Thought id just write a little summary of my current life situation. I moved on my own september of last year because my mother hadn't paid a half months rent so we got evicted. i got a rental apartment through social services and i've been living on my own since. But there is one problem... I can't live on my own as i was just pushed on my own at the morning of the eviction. i've been trying my best to keep my life going but it is just too hard as it is easier to just become socially disconnected from most of the world. Now i've taken the habit to use drugs to fight my depression; at first it was just weed but as there came days that i could not find weed i would take other drugs like buprenorfin, tramadol, Butane, morning glory, nutmeg or anything else to get my high so i don't have to sit alone in my apartments silence as the depression tears me apart. Now i have no job, no school or anything else important as im just a lonely narc in finland. I've always been addicted to other people's help and i can't do anything alone as my mother has been with me since my birth because i had a rare sickness that caused my body to not generate any bloodcells nor white cells so i was given radiation therapy and a bonemarrow transplant at the age of 11. I have been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, PTSD and avoidant personality disorder. Now im in a lot of debt (2500€) with an income about of 500€ a month and im forced to live with 50€ a month as i have to pay those debts. I can't even focus on what i am writing but i guess it doesn't matter as nobody reads these threads. Short version: Im depressed as shit and i just hope some weird occurence in the universe will wipe my existence away.

Whats butane like?

[QUOTE=Stormcharger;36283045]Whats butane like?[/QUOTE] Its weird. Think of it as the worst case of "metallic" deja vu ever.

[QUOTE=Arkay;36281077]haha, didnt realize two jonas' posted on this page. However, still try it, meditation is prime.[/QUOTE] Hah, i thought that you over reacted a bit there too... :v:

To everyone and anyone here on antidepressants or similar drugs (SSRI's mainly), if you're on Citalopram (Think it's marketed under Celexa in the US) and feel it's doing nothing for you; especially if you're having a hard time sleeping, talk to your doc about something called Mirtazapine! It's been a life saver for me, I know everyone's different especially with there being around 40 "antidepressants" to choose from, but these things have brought me back from a very dark place. Oh and they knock you the fuck out when you take them, hello sleep I've missed you!

ooooh. I got prescribed Mirtazapine by my doctor, and my mother picked it up a few days ago. I've been quite hesitant to take it because of the known side effects. They're pretty scary. I also want to be able to enjoy my trip to Holland (if ya know what I mean) without the threat of terrible shit happening to me.