Angry, sad, depressed, miserable, feeling hopeless? Come here and lets help each other out! - General

Yay, failed class, have test on the end of this month (chance to still make it to next grade), and i honestly just cant get myself to learn it. I tried but i just can't. The worst thing is that i think that repeating this class would be better for me, and actually far easier, the only downside is something far beyond hate and dissapointment from my family that i would get, which mostly likely i couldn't just handle, and that probably i wouldn't have my current profile (math-physics-IT).

I had such a terrible dream last night... one of those ones with lasting psychological implications that bugs you for days or weeks afterward. I was at a party where the host was being a total dick, snubbing the guests and just being terrible and all, so I called him out on it and just totally slammed this guy verbally to the point where the room fell quiet while he looked on in horror, and when I finished my verbal assault I pretty much went "fuck this" and marched out of the house, some people follow suit and leave as well. I'm sitting in my car on my phone outside when this girl I had met from the party starts texting me, being flirty and all. As the conversation goes on I start thinking, "wait a second, why wouldn't she have just followed me outside after I called the host out in front of everybody and talked to me in person?" And I realize, hold on a minute. There's no way this would be happening. Why the fuck would a girl be interested in me? And how did I have the balls to be a badass like that earlier? I'm fucking dreaming. I realize that nothing up to that point made any sense and I become aware of the dream world. So, I start to feel a bit crushed by the way that I realized it was all a dream... and, suffering from depression in actuality and having fantasized about suicide in the past, I decide to act out one of my deepest and ultimate fantasies while I'm in the dream: to throw myself into the center of a sun, and return from whence I and everything that I know on our Earth had come from, to star stuff. I lifted myself off the ground and started flying into the inky blackness, as tears of both joy and sadness stream past my face. But the further I went, the more I began to realize that I wasn't getting any closer to the stars. And I couldn't possibly invent a star in front of me to do this, my ability to lucid dream being fairly basic. So, feeling lost, miserable and hopeless, I give up, and decide instead to mess with the laws of physics on Earth... I guess it was just one of those decisions you make in a dream that you can't really explain. Why I decided to do it, I don't know. But I realized that some of my actions caused the death of innocents in my dream, in particular when I watched a house flatten itself into a singularity. I didn't mean to do it, and I didn't really consider the fact that I was just dreaming either, and they weren't real people. But it didn't matter. I felt terrible. Absolutely horrible, actually, when I realized that those deaths happened because of my own selfish actions, albeit inadvertently. It was like some awful message that my subconscious was trying to give me... am I destroying lives in reality? Am I hurting people through my apparently selfish ways? I know I've hurt people before, just like everyone has, but I mean [I]truly [/I]hurting them, impacting their life forever, beyond just being snide to a person one day or something.. I can't even begin to think of a situation in my life where that's true, but what if I just don't see it... The dream ended shortly after. I woke up feeling absolutely miserable, the events of the dream replaying in my head over and over. I tossed and turned for hours before I could get back to sleep. I just couldn't stop thinking about my attempt at suicide in the dream, the lives I mistakenly ended, and the way that I realized I was dreaming in the first place...all because a girl was flirting with me. :I

if you explain in more detail the house scene maybe i could draw some conclusion for you. i had a few lectures on dreams and what not. im skeptical to dreams and the subconscious since it can vary largely between people, so don't think too much of it. i used to have very depressing dreams about my first crush that it drove me into a bad time in my life. ever since then i have stopped taking dreams too serious.

Schools back in session and my anxiety is back too. Kinda saw this coming since it is added stress and puts me closer to the edge and makes my anxiety trigger a lot easier. Man I wish I could go back in time and relive my stress free summer because right now I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. Its a scary thought but it is very true and intense at times. One would think the more times you experience/feel something like this the more used to it you would get, but every time it hits me its like a fucking truck of misery and stress. I wish I could just turn my brain off at times to avoid this, which has lead to me thinking about suicide and fuels my depression symptoms. God this is terrible, writing this out and reading it shows me how fucking miserable this has been making me. I have been seeing a psychologist and its obvious that its more of a cognitive anxiety issue rather than a biological one, which is very true. I dont want to take drugs for this since it kinda flares randomly if/whenever i have something coming up in the near future. Sometimes it lasts 5 minutes, sometimes it lasts hours and it is almost always incredibly intense in the sense that its just mind destroying racing thoughts that literally exhausts me. Even worse is that it destroys my appetite so i waste energy being stressed and i cant eat. There has been a few times where i smoked a small bowl to feel better and it has really helped but i dont want to become dependent on it or use drugs to fix something like this. I just wish i never had this, its the one thing in my life that is making me miserable. Really if it wasn't for my friends I would've probably spiraled into depression and/or done something bad to myself. Also people know about it , close family and best friends, but I don't want to hold them back from having a good time so I try pushing through the anxiety so they have fun. I know the trigger too but I don't want to cancel the thing (Smoking sesh with friends but my one friend is bringing some girl (lesbo lol) for her first time smoking) because I really want to be the one to introduce someone new to weed. But the anticipatory anxiety has been making my week completely miserable. I hope we'll find a way to fix this.

[QUOTE=PuppetSeagull;37048254]I'm sad because I haven't smoked weed [editline]2nd August 2012[/editline] yet[/QUOTE] Ask a friend or someone who looks like a stoner? I'm sad because I've lost so many friends over the summer and I'm feeling lonely.

I feel rather diffrent lately. Changed, in a way i can't describe or see. Maybe it was too subtle? Anyways, i am scared lately. Scared at things that are irrational to be scared of. Such as taking part in lesson (analyzing text outloud), even tho i know i can do it and i'm right. I just shake and can feel my heartbeat rate rise alot. I still can feel that i just won't be able to live on my own in the future, like not being able to finish any university or get a proper job, or rather fear. I passed the exam by a miracle, and help from my mom, and don't even feel happy about it. Reliefed that my mother didn't go all dissapointed on me, but surley nothing else. I still wonder how it is that around people i am all happy and talkative, but alone i just am like this. I thougth about going to therapist about it but, i am afraid, to tell my mother, and to go too.

[QUOTE=Amic;37652699]I feel rather diffrent lately. Changed, in a way i can't describe or see. Maybe it was too subtle? Anyways, i am scared lately. Scared at things that are irrational to be scared of. Such as taking part in lesson (analyzing text outloud), even tho i know i can do it and i'm right. I just shake and can feel my heartbeat rate rise alot. I still can feel that i just won't be able to live on my own in the future, like not being able to finish any university or get a proper job, or rather fear. I passed the exam by a miracle, and help from my mom, and don't even feel happy about it. Reliefed that my mother didn't go all dissapointed on me, but surley nothing else. I still wonder how it is that around people i am all happy and talkative, but alone i just am like this. I thougth about going to therapist about it but, i am afraid, to tell my mother, and to go too.[/QUOTE] It may be an anxiety disorder, social anxiety or something. medication or weed could help but yeah see a therapist.

Okay guys listen up right here. About a week ago I stole around $6,000 to buy cocaine. And now I have so much fucking coke I feel like a ~cHaMp~. So anyways I had to get my grandfather really drunk (he has never been under the influence of anything) and I slipped some xanax bars into his vodka glass. He died... oh well. But I got $6,000 in return. So technically I murdered my grandfather for coke? Hell ya I did. But I do not know why I feel so depressed about it... I mean I had to get the cocaine, and he was old anyways. What should I do?

holy shit! Well I think you did the right thing. Just never tell anyone and you should be fine.

[QUOTE=Ben Katz;37681149]holy shit! Well I think you did the right thing. Just never tell anyone and you should be fine.[/QUOTE] I feel like scarface [img]http://filesmelt.com/dl/ACOK.png[/img]

[QUOTE=MRApples7;37681064]Okay guys listen up right here. About a week ago I stole around $6,000 to buy cocaine. And now I have so much fucking coke I feel like a ~cHaMp~. So anyways I had to get my grandfather really drunk (he has never been under the influence of anything) and I slipped some xanax bars into his vodka glass. He died... oh well. But I got $6,000 in return. So technically I murdered my grandfather for coke? Hell ya I did. But I do not know why I feel so depressed about it... I mean I had to get the cocaine, and he was old anyways. What should I do?[/QUOTE] Is this a serious genuine post? You murdered a man, a man in your family and you don't know why you feel depressed about it?

[QUOTE=MRApples7;37681064]Okay guys listen up right here. About a week ago I stole around $6,000 to buy cocaine. And now I have so much fucking coke I feel like a ~cHaMp~. So anyways I had to get my grandfather really drunk (he has never been under the influence of anything) and I slipped some xanax bars into his vodka glass. He died... oh well. But I got $6,000 in return. So technically I murdered my grandfather for coke? Hell ya I did. But I do not know why I feel so depressed about it... I mean I had to get the cocaine, and he was old anyways. What should I do?[/QUOTE] Wow. [editline]16th September 2012[/editline] Time for bed.

[QUOTE=MRApples7;37681064]Okay guys listen up right here. About a week ago I stole around $6,000 to buy cocaine. And now I have so much fucking coke I feel like a ~cHaMp~. So anyways I had to get my grandfather really drunk (he has never been under the influence of anything) and I slipped some xanax bars into his vodka glass. He died... oh well. But I got $6,000 in return. So technically I murdered my grandfather for coke? Hell ya I did. But I do not know why I feel so depressed about it... I mean I had to get the cocaine, and he was old anyways. What should I do?[/QUOTE] ..........you should.........do all the cocaine

miss my best friend :( he lives in a different town now. We still have cool conversations on Facebook but it's just not the same as hanging out having a few beers and bro talking. Also stuck for ideas on where to meet a girl. My meds helped me realise I want to meet people, even though that scares the crap out of me, but I'm lost on how to meet people in the first place.

Does anyone else feel like they are a waste, and value other peoples lives more than their own?

I came off of the Prozac a few months back, I've been hoping this depression and suicidal feeling was due to the comedown turns out this is just genuinely how I feel all the time yaay [editline]31st October 2012[/editline] I often find myself avoiding plans so I can sit alone in my room, But hey least I have the most dedicated girlfriend, without her I'd probably go insane.

i keep having these dreams where i'd be waking up screaming if i wasn't so fucked up from just waking up. so i just sort of moan. it's weird cause the dreams start off great. like i'm in heaven or something. more like Valhalla cause there's this giant sense of pride and glory of a giant "not one person" kind. then i'm, well really terrible shit happens, just leave it at that. i don't know the fucking transition, it's not even like i remember being in this really nice place then get teleported to hell or something, i remember them as two separate dreams. really fucked up. the good dreams are really cool too. they all feature areas that are "knooky" of all kinds of various sizes. like they're shielded from all sides by walls, buildings or hills or something. meadows, reading areas that are strangely 3 stories down in the building, school fields surrounded by trees, also really awesome feeling houses. always something cool is going on. sometimes i meet up with people i lost and have great encounters. othertimes it could be me and a group of people going to some awesome rave or just going to terrorize some best buy which happens to be in the middle of a desert and is more like a giant mac store on the inside. then there are those other good dreams where shit happens that i want to happen. of all kinds, me being involved or not. but now for the past month every single one of these good dreams is a two parter with a dream of something or a bunch of terrible things happening. [editline]30th October 2012[/editline] and i know that tania. one person i guess who used to be like my BFF is completely blowing me off now. the first text the fuck sent me after seeing each other for like 2 years was asking if i was selling. i'm starting to think he really did make fun of me during my first psychotic break.

What's happening to me FP? I've been feeling pretty depressed in general (get it from my mother, she takes Fluoxetine for her depression) It started at 16, when I got the symptoms of depression, so I head to the doctors and they say yeah I've inherited it from my mother, so I get put on the Fluoxetine too, and I'm taking it for a bit, feeling better but with the occasional breakdown, and I feel like I want to come off of it, so I start weening off and eventually stop alltogether, and for a bit it's fine, then suddenly it bites me in the ass and I've just thinking about offing myself most days where I'm left to dwell in my own thoughts (I never would, I wouldn't ever put that on my family or girlfriend) and I just feel shitty and down a lot of the time. But recently I've been feeling extra shitty for personal reasons, and I've developed an obsession with cleanliness and tidying, I've gone from you're average teenager (messy room, clothes on the floor, dirt desk with plates on it) to keeping a bottle of cleaning solution and a rag in my room at all times, I need pretty much everything sorted in 90 degree angles and I can't focus unless my room is tidy, it's horrendous it's like torture because I can never get it perfect, I'm finding myself every night at 1 in the morning walking around tidying and cleaning things You might think this is useful, but it's torture, as I'm constantly uneasy and want to tidy things, and don't tell me to go outside because I do every single damn day for college and social reasons, I'm going nuts here FP halp [editline]20th November 2012[/editline] I found myself trying to clean my girlfriends desk last week because it was a mess of cables and dust and pencils, it's annoying :suicide:

[QUOTE=FlashFireSix;38519781]What's happening to me FP? I've been feeling pretty depressed in general (get it from my mother, she takes Fluoxetine for her depression) It started at 16, when I got the symptoms of depression, so I head to the doctors and they say yeah I've inherited it from my mother, so I get put on the Fluoxetine too, and I'm taking it for a bit, feeling better but with the occasional breakdown, and I feel like I want to come off of it, so I start weening off and eventually stop alltogether, and for a bit it's fine, then suddenly it bites me in the ass and I've just thinking about offing myself most days where I'm left to dwell in my own thoughts (I never would, I wouldn't ever put that on my family or girlfriend) and I just feel shitty and down a lot of the time. But recently I've been feeling extra shitty for personal reasons, and I've developed an obsession with cleanliness and tidying, I've gone from you're average teenager (messy room, clothes on the floor, dirt desk with plates on it) to keeping a bottle of cleaning solution and a rag in my room at all times, I need pretty much everything sorted in 90 degree angles and I can't focus unless my room is tidy, it's horrendous it's like torture because I can never get it perfect, I'm finding myself every night at 1 in the morning walking around tidying and cleaning things You might think this is useful, but it's torture, as I'm constantly uneasy and want to tidy things, and don't tell me to go outside because I do every single damn day for college and social reasons, I'm going nuts here FP halp [editline]20th November 2012[/editline] I found myself trying to clean my girlfriends desk last week because it was a mess of cables and dust and pencils, it's annoying :suicide:[/QUOTE] Get off of Facepunch. Get some weed. Smoke it. Life is great!

[QUOTE=MRApples7;38519931]Get off of Facepunch. Get some weed. Smoke it. Life is great![/QUOTE] Oh mr Apples, I have tried this many times, all it did was leave me with a great night and then a week of fuzzy thought processing

-snip- all good.

Dude just hear this song, trust me u will feel much better after.[video=youtube;20M4xTyay1s]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20M4xTyay1s&feature=BFa&list=FLWG5HIaepfsiOjXkqUbo9iA[/video]

[QUOTE=FlashFireSix;38523425]Oh mr Apples, I have tried this many times, all it did was leave me with a great night and then a week of fuzzy thought processing[/QUOTE] For all your depression that is about past events just forget about them. [i]Worry about the now bro. [/i] There is no reason to worry about past events/problems, can you change what you did? Nope.

I can't reply on the FP phone app but @MRApples That's actually some really good advice, I like the idea of that, the thing is my problems are ongoing things rooted within my brain but my motto from now on will be "worry about the now (bro)" Thanks.

Thank arthuro12, he is very wise.

To all the people who saw my aggressive behavior in the philosophy thread, and to everyone I offended, I just want to say that I'm sorry. It's just that I'm crashing right now after 3 days on speed, so I'm malnourished, dehydrated, sleep deprived and basically emotionally unstable which I tried to compensate by swallowing 20 Valiums. It sure as hell worked against feeling shitty, though I got so fucked up that I just felt like messing with everybody without realizing what I was doing. I realize now that I went too far. That's not who I am as a person and I wouldn't want to just leave things like that without expressing my regret.

snip wrong thread

My mate got a bag of weed and so we've been toking non-stop for the past week or so. He gave me a gram especially for wake n' baking because he usually descends into a reallllllly deep slumber and ain't nobody got time to wait to get baked. My mother is currently away so I'm living alone. So yesterday I woke up, turned the music up, limped to the balcony only wearing shorts and hit the bong multiple times while watching the sunrise. The setting was perfect. Lit a fag and just relaxed. But perhaps the setting was too perfect, because oddly enough I got [B]really[/B] introspective. It's odd because usually when I get baked I end up doing some crazy shit or watch random stuff on youtube until I either fall asleep or someone gets yet another brilliant idea to do something incredibly dumb. But no. At first I started to ponder about the meaning of life. Then I thought about how many walnuts there could be in the world. At some point I started thinking about my life, my past and future and lifestyle in general. I used to be extremely active socially (is that the right way to say it?). I couldn't wait until the next day to hang out with my mates. I was good friends with many people and I always managed to find new connections somewhere. I went to huge parties, drank massive amounts of alcohol, talked hours and hours over random shit.. Yeah, my days consisted of chilling around in school (never really studied but I've always somehow got good grades), smoking weed after school and having binge drinking (sometimes combined with amphetamine) parties at weekends. Fun, right? Sometime during my 10th grade, a new girl came to our class. She was smart, beautiful, kinda weird - just the way I like it. I started to develop feelings for her and once I got my shit together I asked her out to watch a movie or grab a cup of coffee (stylish, right?). Turns out she was already dating someone. Well, fuck. I think it was at that point when I started to spiral down to this mess which I may be right now. Depression crept up on me, I started drinking alcohol less often and when I did, I binge drinked. Mostly I just smoked weed, a monthly smoking turned into pretty much a daily habit. Found it was harder and harder to be my old self. My brain cells started to rot from weed I guess. Started to spend less and less time with my friends. I wasn't the only one who delved onto this path, my two best friends with whom I was together practically every day started going less outside as well. So the three of us just smoked weed together on almost a daily basis. I still went to parties but I started using amphetamines to regain my former personality. That probably wasn't the most brilliant idea I had, because I got addicted to it and sometimes did it for over five days in a row. Soon enough I couldn't drink alcohol or do amphetamines anymore, because I'd get massive depression. Still can't. So now I resort to just weed. I got criminal habits and after a few misdemeanors I ended up having a felony for grand theft auto (long story short, we took a random car just for a test drive while piss-drunk). So now I'm in 12th grade. Whenever I see someone I know we exchange the usual greetings, sometimes have a smoke together etc. But I don't really go outside with them anymore. Me and my two mates just chill together, smoking weed or something like that. I was actually really optimistic & happy lately.. but that yesterday morning got me really thinking. Is this the life I want? I should finish school (already dropped out once, I'm lucky I was taken to another school) and stop all of the drug use. Anyway, this is probably tl;dr for many so I should stop. Felt great to vent my stress, though.

-snip-

[QUOTE=Memnoth;38572174]To all the people who saw my aggressive behavior in the philosophy thread, and to everyone I offended, I just want to say that I'm sorry. It's just that I'm crashing right now after 3 days on speed, so I'm malnourished, dehydrated, sleep deprived and basically emotionally unstable which I tried to compensate by swallowing 20 Valiums. It sure as hell worked against feeling shitty, though I got so fucked up that I just felt like messing with everybody without realizing what I was doing. I realize now that I went too far. That's not who I am as a person and I wouldn't want to just leave things like that without expressing my regret.[/QUOTE] Hugs all around.