First Official Facepunch Writing Competition! Fabulous Prizes! - General

[QUOTE=DudeGuyKT;23672587]Also, is the winner gonna be posted in the thread?[/QUOTE] I would assume so, it might defeat the purpose if it wasn't.

I just really want to put this here. This is part of what I'm working on for the competition. [quote] Half of the raccoon lay in a bloody pool on the ground. In front of it crouched a dark mass, I moved the light over the body. It was black, or very dark brown, and was smeared with red all across the body. My light brightened the lower part of the body. I saw legs, almost of human length but just a bit shorter. The waist and stomach appeared to be sickeningly small, an anorexic result of a horrible life. I slowly raised the light, and saw humanoid arms and hands, four fingers and a thumb, covered in blood that glimmered in my light like a grotesque mirror. My light drifted to the right and I saw the back of the creature, the skin so close to the spine that I could make out the features of each vertebrae, spanning up to the neck. The light raised up, and I saw the neck, severely disproportionate to anything human. It stretched on for over two feet, slowly arched over to the head that hung over the kill. From the bulb of the head burst a mane of brown, clumped and bloody hair, hanging down seven or eight inches. The hair hid the face and most of the head from me, but I was already shaking. I could see the other half of the raccoon hanging from the head, and the monster whispering something. . . . Suddenly, its head turned to the bushes in the opposite direction of me. It noticed the shine of the flashlight and was obviously worried. The whispering grew quicker and more stressed, more raspy and louder. Then the head whipped to me, and I saw the red, noseless face of the monster, the disgustingly large eyes that slanted up, the thick lips that still held the front half of the raccoon by its intestines, the blood dripping down its chin. It screamed at me, and I turned to run. . . .[/quote] [editline]08:07PM[/editline] Okay I'm gonna play games now. Finish it later.

Tara Gilesbee award, here I come! why is it called that anyway, shouldn't it be the Stephanie Meyer award?

I'm about half of the way there. first draft tonight, editing tomorrow.

[QUOTE=DudeGuyKT;23672970]In front of it crouched a dark mass, I moved the light over the body. It was black, or very dark brown, and was smeared with red all across the body. My light brightened the lower part of the body. I saw legs, almost of human length but just a bit shorter. The waist and stomach appeared to be sickeningly small, an anorexic result of a horrible life. I slowly raised the light, and saw humanoid arms and hands, four fingers and a thumb, covered in blood that glimmered in my light like a grotesque mirror. My light drifted to the right and I saw the back of the creature, the skin so close to the spine that I could make out the features of each vertebrae, spanning up to the neck. The light raised up, and I saw the neck, severely disproportionate to anything human. It stretched on for over two feet, slowly arched over to the head that hung over the kill. From the bulb of the head burst a mane of brown, clumped and bloody hair, hanging down seven or eight inches. The hair hid the face and most of the head from me, but I was already shaking. I could see the other half of the raccoon hanging from the head, and the monster whispering something. . . .[/QUOTE] You paint a very vivid picture of the creature! I can imagine the mutant perfectly as you described it. But there's always room for improvement! I don't self-identify as a writer, but I do love the act of writing, and if I had to give you one piece of advice based off of my experience with it, it would be this: [i]Let no sentence go unchanged.[/i] You definitely paint a vivid picture, but it is wasteful. Reread every sentence you write a dozen times, asking yourself [i]how could this be improved...?[/i] Don't do this as you write (or you're likely to start second-guessing yourself, which is the last thing you want), but rather take a break every paragraph or so to go back and condense, reword, and improve. Here's what I mean. I look at the sentence: [b]My light drifted to the right and I saw the back of the creature, the skin so close to the spine that I could make out the features of each vertebrae, spanning up to the neck.[/b] and I ask myself how it could be condensed without losing any of the key elements or imagery, and even perhaps adding in some new ones. Your description of the monster is perfect, but the way in which it's presented is wasteful. I would rewrite the sentence as such: [b]I slowly raised my light, revealing the creature's back in its unsteady beam. Its skin was taught, revealing every ridge of its deformed spine.[/b] I would then reread this sentence, checking for redundancies, wasted words, unnecessary information. When I typed it, I thought it looked good, but on second review I can see some things which need addressing. Firstly, I'm happy with the addition of describing the flashlight's beam as "unsteady." This could mean either that the beam was weak, or the hand which guided it was. Both add to the suspense of the moment. However, I used "revealing" twice in that paragraph, a redundancy which causes the sentence to feel awkward and offensive. My description of your creature's spine isn't quite right either. The point is put across, but no so vividly as it deserves. So I rewrite it again: [b]I slowly raised my light, illuminating the creature's back in its unsteady beam. Its tight, feverish skin revealed every ridge of the mutant's mottled spine.[/b] It's not perfect yet by any means, but all the essential information is there, along with a lot of new information that both builds suspense and creates a more "there" monster. Describing its skin as feverish and the spine as mottled suddenly transforms this from a flawless night predator to a horrifying, diseased creature. A creature that's deadly efficient, but ruined, grotesque. I'm sorry if the point I'm trying to make is lost in all this gibberish, so let me just try to paraphrase real fast: The first printing builds the frame. The second adds the paint. The third details the trim. You may rewrite a sentence a dozen times before you're completely happy with it, but once you've reached that perfect level of detail and content, you'll know it. On your rewrites ask yourself things like [LIST] [*]What still needs description? [*]Which details could be enhanced? [*]Are there any redundancies in this sentence? [*]Am I conveying all the emotions I want to effectively (suspense, fear, anger, etc, etc). [/LIST] Edit: Shit. I stayed up an hour later than I wanted to. I'll be a Big Dumb Zombie at work tonight.

Hey i try to post my story to share with you guys but it says my quota is exceeded

can the story involve zombies?as long as it in some way qualifies as emotional?

You forgot me as a judge :saddowns: [editline]02:50AM[/editline] Oh by the way, I made the banner :smug:

I wish I had some more spare time, to give this a shot. But anyway, good luck to everyone who takes this competition in their hand!

forget it, i was going to do a gripping story ending in who was telephone

Done. AND THEY VIEWED! omigoshomigoshomigosh

[QUOTE=TheDestroyerOfall;23674113]Hey i try to post my story to share with you guys but it says my quota is exceeded[/QUOTE] Well, that's strange. Try again tomorrow, and if it fails then I suppose we'll have to take the standard email. Just explain that real fast on top so that none of the other guys get all rawr and stuff. [QUOTE=OrionChronicles;23674342]can the story involve zombies?as long as it in some way qualifies as emotional?[/QUOTE] Sure. Whatever you wanna throw at us, so long as it fits the tag of 'dramatic.'

Maybe someone can post an example story, just to get the feel.

[QUOTE=OrionChronicles;23673376]Tara Gilesbee award, here I come! why is it called that anyway, shouldn't it be the Stephanie Meyer award?[/QUOTE] I don't know, the only mention of her I find on Google is this thread. . . . [editline]10:49PM[/editline] I went 200 words over the limit, maybe when I edit it tomorrow I can cut down on some of those. I'm proud of my story!

are you allowed to have multiple entries?

I was going to submit something that only said "The Internet", since it fits the bill for drama and 'under 2k words', but then I saw that it had to be fictional.

Well, I started my Post-Apocalyptic entry, but now it's drama. Good luck, everyone.

[QUOTE=Mystery Penguin;23676116]I was going to submit something that only said "The Internet", since it fits the bill for drama and 'under 2k words', but then I saw that it had to be fictional.[/QUOTE] "The magical Elf Internet"

[QUOTE=jantz;23676385]Well, I started my Post-Apocalyptic entry, but now it's drama. Good luck, everyone.[/QUOTE] Still works, considering the fact the original entry criteria was postapocalyptic drama. Now we're broadening it out. The only limit is pretty much 'not comedy.'

'Little Gregory and the Tiny Kingdom' I have good confidence that this may jerk out some tears..

I'm definitely interested. Sad though, i'm horrible at drama, but I'll try and give it a shot. Next time can it be comedy? :3:

Man! I wanna post my story, but the competition won't end for the next few days!

God damn this is irritating. It's too late for me to start tonight (need to get off the machine five minutes ago), my schedule tomorrow is booked until noon, and then I'll probably be tied up until 6PM, which means I won't be able to even begin writing until around 7PMish... This bites. Two days of the competition are going to be lost to me because of events out of my control. Also, I need to look up what exactly defines a "drama." Without a stone-cold definition, I can't really work with it.

Drama is basically inciting strong emotions.

I might do this tomorrow if I get bored. Cheers for the good thread. [editline]02:03AM[/editline] Drama is such a larrrrrrrrrrrrrge subject. I mean pretty much any of the hip new shows like "lost" etc are all drama.

Sounds like fun, I'll see if I can come up with something. Make it satire next time :buddy:

Totally entering. Time to submit my story.

Time to [i]write[/i] my story!

[QUOTE=Binsky;23675533]are you allowed to have multiple entries?[/QUOTE] I would discourage it. It's better to rewrite one story fifty or so times than submit fifty mediocre pieces. [QUOTE=Fenriswolf;23674659]You forgot me as a judge :saddowns: [editline]02:50AM[/editline] Oh by the way, I made the banner :smug:[/QUOTE] Whoops. Were you in last night's Steam chat? If not, I think we've got enough judges for now, but I'll remember you for the next contest. [QUOTE=Hexxatron;23675135]Maybe someone can post an example story, just to get the feel.[/QUOTE] Good idea. I'll whip something up for the OP. [editline]09:55AM[/editline] Also, whoever submitted "Mike's Lucky Day," :flashfap: :saddowns:

I was going to try but I dont think I am that good a writer. Im no stephen king or anything. I have a first little bit so im just going to post it. Tell me if I should continue or not. Be warned I am writing it at 5 AM in the morning so some small spelling errors might be in there. [B]Rate agree if I should continue Disagree if I shouldnt.[/B] Epilogue A crack. All that was heard before the world as we know it ended. But that was years in the past by now. See, our story does not focus on the apocalypse itself, but the life of a regular teenager growing up in this new, sad world. Not much has changed despite the apocalypse. There was still bullies, there was still that cute girl you liked, you still had best friends, you still had to deal with all of these social pressures. Benjamin was a very nervous paranoid young man. He had dark blue eyes, and whispy black hair. You see, because of the apocalypse he has become afraid of the world around him, and even of other people. This is just a regular day as normal. He awoke off of his cold steel cot. He slowly pulled himself up out of bed. His head was throbbing with pain, he had a hangover from last night. “Fuck I shouldnt have drank that much” he murmed to himself. Again, the apocalypse still had its share of social problems, peer pressure still existed, and so did stupid ass parties. Chapter 1 I slowly turned my head to look at the time. “ Shit!” He shouted. It was 8:48 in the morning and I needed to get to work, guarding the Village from bandits. You see in the apocalypse, School did not exist. Men guarded the Village and Women made clothes, and raised the children. I lived in a small shanty town with a population of about 20 souls. We were often raided by bandits and other wrongdoers. Our small town was made largely of recycled metals, the only thing that stood the nuclear apocalypse. As I aproched the gaurd tower, My best friend James yelled out "Hey man what the hell! Why are you so late for duty". James was a bit rough on me sometimes, but he was the only real thing I had for friendship in this apocalypse. He was the only person James trusted in this godforsaken town filled with liars and crooks. Everyone here felt like they were more important than everyone else, and as james said " Were right royal assholes". My parents died from raiders when I was very young, around the age of 5 or 6. I dont even remember them. Now isnt that sad, I dont even remember my own damn parents. Anyway, back on with life. I responded to james with a nice short and sweet" Go fuck yourself I can sleep in if I want to!". Incase you cant already tell, I can be a bit of an asshole. Might have something to do with me being so paranoid and afraid of people, or it might just be because my parents died when I was young. Hell if I know, and hell if I care. 2 Hours later. I am still here sitting around guarding this shitty little village. Me and James are just playing an old card game his parents taught him that they knew from before the apocalypse. I hear they used to have big gambling resorts to play this sort of game. Suddenly, a shiver went down my spine in an instant, my thoughts became clouded with fear. I knew something bad was happening, but I didnt know what. Suddenly, I heard a Shriek loud enough to bring a man to tears. James and I quickly leaped up and looked out over the walls. I said to him "What the fuck was that?" with a thin edge of uncertainty in my voice. "Fuck if I know" James Replied.