Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

I remember senior prom days. Leading up to the big day itself some friends would ask "Kyle, have you decided on if you're going?" The day before I hadn't even considered a tuxedo or any formal attire at all and when asked again "Guess I'm not going :vs:" meanwhile everyone else was treating it as the biggest day of their lives. A girl I spoke with frequently who a few others suspected liked me asked if I was going and I said "nah, never gave it any thought." :v::v::v:

[QUOTE=Sepia Gnome;50007168]Hi, I'm having a bit of a crisis here and I'm wondering what to do. I'm 17 and getting ready for University, and I've realised that I've completely wasted my teen years. I've spent 7 years sitting on my arse, on the internet, barely interacting with my friends outside of school. Meanwhile, most of my friends have "been there done that", and I am completely out of the loop about everything. I've never been in a relationship, been to a party or any other typical teenage stuff. I haven't the slightest clue what my earliest friends have been up to. However my friends have all been turning 18 and I've been going to the town with them, so I'm moving away from the friends I see as being "too isolated". I'm wondering how to sort my life out right now. I have 2 weeks holiday over Easter, so I'm going to be going out for school stuff (I do art subjects, so I'm visiting museums and galleries) I'm lacking confidence and I don't think my friends are totally aware of how much I lack in experience, so I'm afraid to ask them for help. I'm afraid to start any sort of interaction with people, however I'm fine once I'm talking to them. Just today I had a chat with a guy in HMV, but I would have never started the conversation. I'm going to another friends 18th tomorrow, but I'm worried that I'm just "that guy" that they've invited. I haven't really talked to him since I was ~15, even though he was one of my first friends in secondary school. Sorry to dumb my angst ridden life story, but I feel like I really need help.[/QUOTE] You don't need to be self-conscious about a "lack of life experience." I mean, I was pretty much in the same boat when I went to college, but it turned out to be a great time. Maybe this is just how it went for me, but college students tend to be a lot more open-minded and less judgmental than high school students. A lot of them, at least. And it's easy to avoid people who aren't like that, and find people who are. The thing is, once you get to try all these things you're wishing for (and, more than likely, you will) you're not going to feel like all the time prior to that was a waste. I mean I never had a girlfriend in all my teen years, and all the anxiety and societal pressure I felt because of that is so far in the rear-view mirror now that I can't believe it ever bothered me. There's no time limit on this stuff. And honestly, there's something nice about reaching these new social "firsts" later in life than most people. I mean, you probably assume most people lose their virginity and start dating and all that shit in their teens, but if you're like me and it doesn't start for you until your 20s, you get to experience all this great shit for the first time while, for other people, all the mystery and anticipation is gone forever. It's not a race, and you haven't failed at any of this unless you give up.

Any tips for dealing with social anxiety? not nessecarily not talking with people, but like getting worried over specific things? like ive been chatting a bit with this girl on fb that I met at a party on Saturday and she was telling me what she wanted to do with her life today, and I had thought to myself (hey, that's pretty awesome) but it turns out I forgot to type that, and just went into what I wanted to do with my life and a) i felt like a dick, b) thought that would be it, i blew it and c) that in reality I was freaking out over literally nothing. i didn't bring it up to her or anything because at that point I'd feel like it would sorta be weird and unrelated, but like in general does anyone have tips for dealing with stuff like that? [editline]26th March 2016[/editline] I feel like ive asked this, or something similar, before idk.

gave a girl her first kiss earlier p. cool

[QUOTE=Sector 7;50008219]gave a girl her first kiss earlier p. cool[/QUOTE] This can turn out pretty bad,good very fast.

[QUOTE=bdd458;50007737]Any tips for dealing with social anxiety? not nessecarily not talking with people, but like getting worried over specific things? like ive been chatting a bit with this girl on fb that I met at a party on Saturday and she was telling me what she wanted to do with her life today, and I had thought to myself (hey, that's pretty awesome) but it turns out I forgot to type that, and just went into what I wanted to do with my life and a) i felt like a dick, b) thought that would be it, i blew it and c) that in reality I was freaking out over literally nothing. i didn't bring it up to her or anything because at that point I'd feel like it would sorta be weird and unrelated, but like in general does anyone have tips for dealing with stuff like that? [editline]26th March 2016[/editline] I feel like ive asked this, or something similar, before idk.[/QUOTE] lots and lots of alcohol.

To all of those going to college, here are a few tips i learned as i finish up my first of college while in the same situation as you guys. 1. For rooming, live on campus. More specifically, get a suite (if your college offers them). A suite, unlike a typical college dorm connected to long hallways, are 2-3 rooms attached to one common room and with one bathroom. Since you will forced into contact with more people, odds increase that you will befriend some. Jist dont hide in your room so much, take your laptop to the common room and remain open to chatting. Common rooms are great for small get togethers too, so if you wont go to a party, you will bring a small one to you. Pick up a sharable hobby. I have a wii with smash bros on it, and play often with others. I also picked up cooking and baking, and share the food I made with others. Again, a great way of attracting people to you.. 3.find a regularly occuring club meet thats not too big, and go to it. Try to stick out, even if its by doing something odd like bringing oreos to every single meet

So I went to that party and ended up hooking up with this sorority girl in my class, I'd suspected that she'd had a thing for me for a while now and it's cool to finally know I was right. I brought her home, but sadly she was on her period. It's ok though, I got to touch the booty, and got her number so maybe we can hang out more later

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50009288]It takes a lot of constant ironing. What helped me is this: I said my fears out loud and heard how silly they sound. "She's never going to speak to me again because I forgot to press enter" "She's going to break up with me because I forgot to text her back" "I said something dumb now all my friends will disband me forever because of that one thing"[/QUOTE] This is kinda similar to some of the techniques recommended in ACT therapy for dealing with unhelpful thoughts. Cognitive fusion is the term used for how our thoughts can affect us and influence our behavior - "cognitive defusion" refers to the process of taking away the power of our unhelpful thoughts. Some of the techniques Harris and Hayes suggest in "The Happiness Trap" include repeating your thoughts in silly voices, thanking your mind for your negative thoughts (in a sincere, non-sarcastic way), naming your mind's recurring stories (e.g. "the 'nobody likes me' story"), and putting your negative thoughts to the tune of a song. I must stress that the goal of this is not to get rid of negative thoughts, but simply to disempower them and prevent them from controlling your behavior.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50010068]This is kinda similar to some of the techniques recommended in ACT therapy for dealing with unhelpful thoughts. Cognitive fusion is the term used for how our thoughts can affect us and influence our behavior - "cognitive defusion" refers to the process of taking away the power of our unhelpful thoughts. Some of the techniques Harris and Hayes suggest in "The Happiness Trap" include repeating your thoughts in silly voices, thanking your mind for your negative thoughts (in a sincere, non-sarcastic way), naming your mind's recurring stories (e.g. "the 'nobody likes me' story"), and putting your negative thoughts to the tune of a song. I must stress that the goal of this is not to get rid of negative thoughts, but simply to disempower them and prevent them from controlling your behavior.[/QUOTE] oh hey it's just like that obi wan advice be mindful of your thoughts, anakin ("then repeat them in a silly voice" didn't make the final cut)

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;50010311]oh hey it's just like that obi wan advice be mindful of your thoughts, anakin ("then repeat them in a silly voice" didn't make the final cut)[/QUOTE] Yup! It's actually referred to as mindfulness and is related to meditation (and the reason I got into the latter).

I'm off to my friend's 18th. I just hope I don't get plastered and have a total breakdown on front of everybody. At least I'll be able to catch up with some friends I lost contact with.

My Japanese girlfriend cheated on me due to a misunderstanding in my relationship. She thought long distance relationships were implicitly open, so long as it was purely physical and not emotional. I feel like my brother's girlfriend pushed me into breaking up with her. I feel like, wrapped up in my emotions, I made the decision my brother's girlfriend would have made, not the decision I would have made. Now that I've calmed down and thought about this for a week, I think I made an awful mistake. This girl was the love of my life, and I got along better with her than anyone else in my entire life. (family and past girlfriends included) I trust her again. I know I am special to her. And I am perfectly fine with having an open relationship. But I am terrified I closed the door and scared her away with my emotional and quick decision.

just how long distance is this, exactly? if you're totally fine with her fucking other dudes while you're sitting at home and thinking about how much you love her and how special she is while she's got someone balls deep in her then you're a better man than I am

[QUOTE=Boba_Fett;50011007]My Japanese girlfriend cheated on me due to a misunderstanding in my relationship. She thought long distance relationships were implicitly open, so long as it was purely physical and not emotional. I feel like my brother's girlfriend pushed me into breaking up with her. I feel like, wrapped up in my emotions, I made the decision my brother's girlfriend would have made, not the decision I would have made. Now that I've calmed down and thought about this for a week, I think I made an awful mistake. This girl was the love of my life, and I got along better with her than anyone else in my entire life. (family and past girlfriends included) I trust her again. I know I am special to her. And I am perfectly fine with having an open relationship. But I am terrified I closed the door and scared her away with my emotional and quick decision.[/QUOTE] you are a living, breathing stereotype ditch that ho

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50011307]just how long distance is this, exactly? if you're totally fine with her fucking other dudes while you're sitting at home and thinking about how much you love her and how special she is while she's got someone balls deep in her then you're a better man than I am[/QUOTE] I live in the US, she lives in Japan. It goes both ways. It would certainly help things for me as well. I turned down a lot of girls the last couple months because I thought of the relationship as exclusive. And it took a pretty heavy toll on me. [QUOTE=Sector 7;50011463]you are a living, breathing stereotype ditch that ho[/QUOTE] She's not my only option. I'm not desperate. And I could live without her. But I've never liked a girl that much in my life. There was something really special about her I've never seen in anyone else. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment with her, and she enjoyed every moment with me. Even when we did stuff that should have been boring. And I think losing her would be something I'd come to regret.

I feel like I squandered college. I'm 22 and am going to be done with college by this time next year, when I'm 23. Freshman year was pretty social for me, I partied pretty much every weekend and had a solid group of friends that I hung out with all the time. I thought college was gonna be awesome. But it was basically a complete lie. We all met through smoking weed, so naturally.... people started using each other and the only real thing we had in common was drug usage. Not very healthy. So I broke it off with them. And. Didn't. Meet. Anyone. Else. For three years. Okay, that's a lie... but honestly, I can only count the new people I've met and actually wanted to hang out with on one hand. And half of those people I met [i]before[/i] I even went to college. In terms of relationships, I've only had a handful of one-night stands and a 3-month fling. No girlfriends, nothing of that sort. I hate to blame my problems on something external, but it's not exactly easy to meet people in the town I go to college. It's pretty much a suburbia, and it's notorious for being "boring". The bar scene downtown is a joke and all of the popular destinations close at like 10pm. I managed to escape for a semester at UCSB and I had a fucking amazing time there, but it was only for a semester. I tried joining a couple of clubs and stuck it out at the weekly meetings for a couple months but it just didn't jive with me. I didn't really meet any like-minded people at the meetings.... It just felt like a massive waste of time. At this point I've given up on the "college experience", all I do now is lift weights, study, practice cooking, and program. Admittedly these are all good things, but they're solitary. I'm basically counting the days until I graduate so I can move to someplace like NYC or Chicago or something. Anyway I was wondering if I'm right in writing off my college experience like this? I mean, the town I'm at isn't [i]terrible[/i] but I know for a fact I'd never, ever want to visit this place if I didn't have to go to school here. Pretty much, I immensely regret going here. But the thing is, I don't know if it's [i]actually[/i] the town I'm in or maybe it's subconsciously my shitty attitude that's preventing me from meeting like-minded people. Like, there's 35k students at this school, there has to be someone! I feel like I should take advantage of my last year in university but for the life of me I can't figure out how to do it. All of my options are exhausted.... [editline]26th March 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Boba_Fett;50011007]My Japanese girlfriend cheated on me due to a misunderstanding in my relationship. She thought long distance relationships were implicitly open, so long as it was purely physical and not emotional. I feel like my brother's girlfriend pushed me into breaking up with her. I feel like, wrapped up in my emotions, I made the decision my brother's girlfriend would have made, not the decision I would have made. Now that I've calmed down and thought about this for a week, I think I made an awful mistake. This girl was the love of my life, and I got along better with her than anyone else in my entire life. (family and past girlfriends included) I trust her again. I know I am special to her. And I am perfectly fine with having an open relationship. But I am terrified I closed the door and scared her away with my emotional and quick decision.[/QUOTE] You have to realize that the only info you gave is: 1. Your girlfriend cheated on you, claiming she thought long distance == open relationship 2. Your brother's girlfriend thought this was shady, and you agreed with her and broke it off 3. You trust her, despite not even seeing her IRL since her cheating 4. You like her and want to get back with her So, based off of this information, any sane person would think you're blinded by infatuation, and would tell you to move on. Maybe there's something that you didn't tell us, but you haven't made a good case for her at all in your original post.

[QUOTE=dds98;50011536] You have to realize that the only info you gave is: 1. Your girlfriend cheated on you, claiming she thought long distance == open relationship 2. Your brother's girlfriend thought this was shady, and you agreed with her and broke it off 3. You trust her, despite not even seeing her IRL since her cheating 4. You like her and want to get back with her So, based off of this information, any sane person would think you're blinded by infatuation, and would tell you to move on. Maybe there's something that you didn't tell us, but you haven't made a good case for her at all in your original post.[/QUOTE] I can completely understand that. And I very well might be. But I feel very level-headed right now. I'm going to give it another week and a half before I make a decision.

furthermore, you can't just "assume" that you're in an open relationship with literally no communication on the topic. Either she has a [i]very[/i] different idea of the relationship (that it's much more casual than it is to you) or she knew it was the wrong thing to do but did it anyway because she knew she could play dumb later. eugh.

[QUOTE=Sector 7;50012048]furthermore, you can't just "assume" that you're in an open relationship with literally no communication on the topic. Either she has a [i]very[/i] different idea of the relationship (that it's much more casual than it is to you) or she knew it was the wrong thing to do but did it anyway because she knew she could play dumb later. eugh.[/QUOTE] I understand it at the very least. As faithful as I was (I turned down two girls who asked me to have sex with them), I found myself resorting to porn a lot to get me through the stress. And many people consider that cheating. Heck, I looked at porn even when I was with her in person. I view it as a communication error. She is definitely at fault. But I believe it's something that is fixable through a detailed conversation.

First puff of pot. I suppose that's a first. Thanks random stranger that gave us his spliff

lol I totally biffed the first kiss on my 2nd date with the girl I got coffee with.. Was absolutely mortified but she messaged me to say good morning so I assume I haven't completely blown it. Still, it was a pretty brutal night. [editline]27th March 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Boba_Fett;50012895]I understand it at the very least. As faithful as I was (I turned down two girls who asked me to have sex with them), I found myself resorting to porn a lot to get me through the stress. [B]And many people consider that cheating[/B]. Heck, I looked at porn even when I was with her in person. I view it as a communication error. She is definitely at fault. But I believe it's something that is fixable through a detailed conversation.[/QUOTE] Honestly dude, you sound desperate to make excuses for someone that clearly doesn't take your relationship very seriously. She's halfway around the world banging other dudes and you're trying to justify it by admitting to the cardinal sin of watching porn? Obviously I can't possibly know every detail of your guys' relationship but from everything you've said here I would say you should just break it off, get over her and move on. Doesn't sound like a very promising relationship.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50013352]If porn is cheating, then oops[/QUOTE] I just like to imagine somebody reading this thread, pausing their scrolling for a minute and screaming behind them, "HONEY!! I THINK.. SOMETHING HAPPENED!"

Oh my God, the worst part about being bipolar is that you don't actually know when to trust your feelings. Do I miss my "female friend" or don't I? I deleted her from facebook when I was manic and stopped responding to her text messages on my phone altogether because I get paranoid sometimes. Last time she messaged me was to receive comfort in something and I just ignored her. I am just so scared of being hurt as it interferes with my condition, I almost hung myself with a cord in the bathroom once when I had strong feelings for her and she had slept with someone else, even though she'd left a toothbrush and clothes in my apartment and stuff. How the hell do you trust someone that does that? She knew how I felt. And why would she seek comfort with me after she wanted to take a break? She said my mood swings were too much when I'm not on any medication. Also I figured out she sells her body for drugs, which hurts too. Should I just move on? Seems as though she is seeking help, and she is the only woman that has ever understood the difference between my true behavior and my bipolar acting up. That's what keeps me attached to her. This is the first time I connect with someone on an emotional level though so I don't trust anything I feel about her.

[QUOTE=Boba_Fett;50011474]She's not my only option. I'm not desperate. And I could live without her. But I've never liked a girl that much in my life. There was something really special about her I've never seen in anyone else. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment with her, and she enjoyed every moment with me. Even when we did stuff that should have been boring. And I think losing her would be something I'd come to regret.[/QUOTE] trust me homie if you think you like this girl that's halfway across the world then wait til you meet someone near you that you connect with. it's on a whole different level the thing with people is that saying "i'll never find someone that's as special" is really stupid and close minded. i understand, you love her, you really enjoy her and you couldn't see yourself getting along this well with anyone else - but the thing is, that's because you're in love with her. give yourself the same amount of time for any other girl that you've put into this girl, and any future time that you might put into her even though she's cheated on you, and you'll come to find that you might just find them extremely special too (also, why would you want to keep the relationship open and allow her to get fucked by other dudes instead of, yknow, talking about how you guys should keep it exclusive?? makes more sense than just allowing her to bang dudes while still having your intimacy)

It's been holiday for about 10 days now and I haven't seen my gf at all this holiday.We haven't talked in 3 days which leaves me to assume she's went camping(she talked about this with me during the last few days of school)she wanted me to go with during the holiday but then she said it could be better if i rather spend alone time with her at her house this holiday.So none of that has happened and I'm pretty sure she went to go do that camping thing now which is good,I'm glad if whe enjoys it but the thing is its all guys at that camp.She went before the holiday as well and i didn't mind cause i trust her ane i still do.Her sister goes with and I'm not saying im jealous or anything,i just hoped we could've spent some time together this holiday.Its 1 more week till school starts,I hope she enjoys the camp and all.

I partied for 12 straight hours yesterday. What a fucking time. I really needed that. Went home with a girl but the sex was incredibly mediocre. I don't get how some girls get by by just essentially acting like a dead fish in bed. It sucks all the fun out of it.

[QUOTE=Dysentery;50015700]trust me homie if you think you like this girl that's halfway across the world then wait til you meet someone near you that you connect with. it's on a whole different level the thing with people is that saying "i'll never find someone that's as special" is really stupid and close minded.[/QUOTE] Also, there are so many amazing people out there that you haven't met yet. You're right, chances are you aren't going to meet another person who's exactly like her. You'll meet tons of people who are all unique in their own ways, and chances are your next relationship will have very different dynamics from your current one, for better or worse (mostly for better given your situation with her cheating on you and playing dumb about it).

These past few days have reminded me why I wanted to shy away from hookups in the first place. It really is so much better when you're romantically interested in someone. Casual sex feels so goddamn empty. Maybe it was partially because the girl was so damn terrible at sex, but I don't feel like I gained anything from that encounter. I still don't feel entirely ready to devote myself to a serious relationship yet after just breaking up a month ago, but I think it may be a good idea to chill for a while and only try to have sex with girls that I care about a bit more.

Since I've been with this new girl who is really sweet and supportive, I've come to realize how much trauma, complexes and other irrational emotional crap I've been carrying up with me from my ex, till this new relationship. Yesterday while on the phone we talked about how she felt that I would, sometimes, feel a little suspicious of her touch, sweet regards and stuff. I noticed to that I would occasionally feel anxious if she spent some time without responding to texts (we're 300Km away from each other). Then I realized that I didn't use to be like this, and that there wasn't a rational explanation for me to stress about stuff like this. So I came to the conclusion that, with my ex, for the sake of maintaining the relationship, I neglected a lot of my emotional needs to avoid conflict. In fact I actually repressed a lot of stuff, that are manifesting in this current relationship. I shared this with her, and she reassured me in the sweetest way possible. What she said made me feel so emotional that I was almost shocked that someone would ever be so kind. She pretty much said that carrying emotional trauma is something that is almost inevitable, so whatever I felt like sharing, I should do so and that I should feel safe in doing so with her. She actually cares, you know. Sometimes when I open up it's almost as if I expect her to lash out on me, or criticize like my ex would do, and then I'm all surprised at the way she just listens and puts my mind at ease by doing so. I no longer feel repressed. I feel like being with her took a huge load out of my shoulders. I know it may sound silly but, I have never been with someone who cares and actually likes me at such a deeper level. I can be myself. And for someone who never had a significant relationship like me, for someone who just watched people promise this and that and just watch them drift away, it's refreshing. It's pretty emotional, in a good way. It's like I had some rusty grinds and engines in here that stopped moving a long time ago and now they're all oiled up again and working like a charm. I feel restored and I have new faith in love again. [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50015862]Also, there are so many amazing people out there that you haven't met yet. You're right, chances are you aren't going to meet another person who's exactly like her. You'll meet tons of people who are all unique in their own ways, and chances are your next relationship will have very different dynamics from your current one, for better or worse (mostly for better given your situation with her cheating on you and playing dumb about it).[/QUOTE] This is so true. I remember being all depressed and shitty because my ex was the only person with who I really connected and opened myself out. I even accepted the fact that she cheated out of fear of losing her. Turns out after a few months I found a girl who is NOTHING like her and to whom, despite us being different in many things, I connect at an even deeper level. And yeah, my ex had a really sweet good side, she was smart and caring when she wanted to, even though 80% of the time she was a manipulating bitch, and I'm pretty sure I will never find someone quite like her. But that's not a bad thing. In fact I don't even care about that anymore. You'll always find others that aren't quite like anyone you've ever met. I look at her and I don't feel a thing because I found someone new, mysterious and exciting who makes me feel different things, things I have never felt before. Moral of the story. You can always go deeper with someone different, and you can always find someone better for you. All you have to do is set your bar where you want it and never settle for anything bellow that.