Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

Well the 'date' I was with the girl I told you guys about a few days ago didn't go that well... we got along pretty good and had some fun, but it did not go anywhere. When I asked her to go to the festival coming up, she said she doesn't plan that far ahead, when I tried to invite her to dinner she wasn't hungry and when I asked her if she'd like to visit my hometown next time we meet, she wasn't very excited. We had a good time though, I think. I tried going for some eye contact this time around and shit like that, but I think I would just read to much into all the 'signs' people say to look out for. Maybe I'm just chasing a dream and she just likes me as a buddy after all. Guess I'll find out when I grow the balls to straight up tell her about my feelings one day.

[QUOTE=elasticity;50065404]that feeling can really build up into a powerhouse of self-sabotage if you let it, and it's really hard (not impossible, just frustratingly hard) to break that if it gets to that point... speaking from experience[/QUOTE] I've just re-read that part. It's anxiety as well as a worry everything is going to go wrong every few seconds. I'll probably not do anything.

just saved my friend from being asked by a creepy guy to prom by asking her to go to prom. i feel like a hero right now. i have nothing against the guy it's just that my friend was really uncomfortable with him and he never got the signs.

[QUOTE=TheCactusman;50067700]I've just re-read that part. It's anxiety as well as a worry everything is going to go wrong every few seconds. I'll probably not do anything.[/QUOTE] my experiences with that kinda anxiety led to me riding on very specific outcomes then feeling like i'd just 'proved myself right', as if it's always destined to fail or be taken negatively or something, essentially making me feel like more and more of a failure and further bruising my self-esteem, so doing nothing can be the right move if that's the kind of worry you're having, It'd go like this for example: i'd invite a girl over, we'd be getting along i'd feel really drawn and then half go to make a move, then withdraw before I actually went for it, because I didn't want to 'fuck it up', or 'ruin the mood', or whatever, sorta just... fighting myself from going for it? that'd confuse them, they'd even tell me stuff like 'dude it's cool, you can do what you want, i don't mind ;)' by text and i'd still feel like i'd be scaring them off if I just went for it sorry if my comment's not making it sound any more positive or reassuring for your current situation, I think the best and most important thing to remember is it's not gonna be the last person you'll ever be interested in, so taking a shot and 'missing' isn't the end of the world, and if you want to go for it and it works out, great! if not, well... at least you get closure right? but if you feel like you're already too invested in a specific outcome to go for it comfortably, taking a step back for a bit is never a bad thing, as it could save you the dramas of being well... needy, and then feeling like a failure if it doesn't work out etc etc... also curious what it is your friend said to you

I'm so mad at myself for being such a dumbass. I know I can't change the past but jesus christ, it still bothers me. To set the backstory, I spent probably the second half of last semester trying to pursue a girl I was infatuated with. I accepted my infatuation and I said that I just want to at least try to date her and see what happens, and I even tried to get into the same classes as her in the next semester. I took her on a date and it went ok, and we hung out a couple of times but it really just seemed like we were friends more than a couple. I kept trying to hang out with her more to try and push it there, but our schedules never meshed well and I just didn't really feel any spark. Lets call this girl Ally. Now here's where I'm really mad at myself about. There was also another girl named Kristine that I thought was pretty cool, but the scale of how much I liked Ally was so god damn high that I was just like "hey let me ignore Kristine since I want to get with Ally." Now around October/November was the main timeframe I was attempting to get with Ally, and also around that time I hung out with Kristine a decent amount. I also accepted that Kristine had a thing for me since she took care of me when I got sick, we matched Halloween costumes, etc. but I legit told myself "ok I really like Ally too much, I know I'm putting her on a pedestal but I totally think it will work out" even though it really wasn't. Now fast forward to today, I rarely talk with Ally, and Kristine and I talk maybe like once a week, but we don't really regularly message each other or anything. Kristine also seems to have a thing with another guy now, but someone suggested that me and Kristine pretend to be dating for April 1st. It's believable since we work under the same person and could see each other often if we wanted to. We had our fake relationship, took pictures, etc. and I realized that I still kinda have feelings for her, and then after talking to one of her friends and confirming that she actually had a thing for me back in the Fall made me even more mad at myself for not even trying to reciprocate with her back then. I know it's probably better to just try and get over it, but just knowing that I could have gotten with the girl I like just makes me want to start talking to her again and trying it again, but I also feel like that's the wrong course of action. tl;dr I put girl on pedestal and ignore girl that had a thing for me even though I liked her too, but now I don't even really talk to both girls but I realized I still like the girl I ignored.

Does randomly approaching girls work? Like, every single girl I have been involved with has fallen into one of two categories: a) Met through mutual friends / club / coworker b) Drunk at a party And the same thing goes for my friends. The only instances I've heard of where one of my friends randomly approached a girl during the daytime, they either got rejected or it fizzled out later. Also, out of all the couples I personally know, it was either (a) or (b). Personally, I think that randomly approaching a girl seems like a terrible dynamic. Putting myself in a girl's shoes, I'd think of it to be absolutely insane to go out with a random guy you talked to for only 10-15 minutes, no matter how charming he seemed. You only have one angle to go off of. The only instance I could see it working is if you happen to go to the same coffee shop at the same time, have the same class, or go to the gym at the same time. And you build it up over time. Am I being off-base here?

I took this guy off Steam over a week ago [img]http://i.imgur.com/Aw5V5Tk.png[/img] jfc [editline]5th April 2016[/editline] Not included are the 3am "flirting" texts that had led to me ignoring him in the first place.

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;50064953]don't do it i know people who are no longer friends despite being good friends before moving in together or at least if you do make sure you can get out at any point of time hating something is a strong word, and if she hates it when someone tells her to turn down the music, that just means it's going to be an awful time for you, she'll probably argue with you, and if you tell her it's rude then she'll probably think you're attacking her or something i have friends who've wanted me to move in with them but after going on vacation with them i realize that it would be absolutely awful living with them, they would not do their dishes, they would throw their crap everywhere then complain about how it's so messy, then make you help clean up, then if you tell them they're being irresponsible they'll get moody and just say "i am responsible, i go to work every day, i pay my bills"(and it's like no shit, i do that shit too, doesn't make you responsible) and think you're making an attack on them, when you're actually talking about their actions, and ANY amount of stress would make them do literally nothing they're great friends to be around though, just not to live with actually go on a long vacation with her before you decide whether you move in with her[/QUOTE] I'm a little afraid of that too, ruining our friendship or vastly changing it since we'll see so much of each other. I mean, the chance that we kinda get tired of each other seems pretty big. or it's hard to know really, as long as we manage to distance ourselves from each other every now and then and vary things up then it could be okay? the vacation idea actually seemed like a really neat idea. I mentioned it to her before going to bed and she said we could maybe do something in the summer, maybe take a 1-2 week vacation somewhere. save up some cash gradually until then, see how much we got and go somewhere. speaking of music, oh my god I woke up to the worst thing I know of. I slept over at her place last night and woke up to her missing from bed and I heard nothing in the apartment at all. figured she had to be somewhere around so I just fell asleep again. then I heard her doing the dishes really loudly and woke up again, god so annoying. luckily I fell asleep again but then I woke up to her blasting music at full volume and the RGB strip in her room where I was sleeping strobing between every color in the rainbow. holy shit did I get grumpy. its somewhat excused though as she had a dentist appointment to make and she needed to wake me up. she told me that the RGB strip didn't do the trick so she went crazy on the music instead. :ohno:

[QUOTE=elasticity;50071367]my experiences with that kinda anxiety led to me riding on very specific outcomes then feeling like i'd just 'proved myself right', as if it's always destined to fail or be taken negatively or something, essentially making me feel like more and more of a failure and further bruising my self-esteem, so doing nothing can be the right move if that's the kind of worry you're having, It'd go like this for example: i'd invite a girl over, we'd be getting along i'd feel really drawn and then half go to make a move, then withdraw before I actually went for it, because I didn't want to 'fuck it up', or 'ruin the mood', or whatever, sorta just... fighting myself from going for it? that'd confuse them, they'd even tell me stuff like 'dude it's cool, you can do what you want, i don't mind ;)' by text and i'd still feel like i'd be scaring them off if I just went for it sorry if my comment's not making it sound any more positive or reassuring for your current situation, I think the best and most important thing to remember is it's not gonna be the last person you'll ever be interested in, so taking a shot and 'missing' isn't the end of the world, and if you want to go for it and it works out, great! if not, well... at least you get closure right? but if you feel like you're already too invested in a specific outcome to go for it comfortably, taking a step back for a bit is never a bad thing, as it could save you the dramas of being well... needy, and then feeling like a failure if it doesn't work out etc etc... also curious what it is your friend said to you[/QUOTE] My friend told me not to because I do have other things to concentrate on... but then I decided just to message anyway. Didn't go badly, just a case of they said they're bad at replying and thus the conversation kinda died pretty quickly. And it was kinda later on at night. My anxiety pushes me to the point where I don't want to message for fear of scaring people off or look like a damn fool. I just want something to work out, just this once.

[QUOTE=cheesylard;50071633]Does randomly approaching girls work? Like, every single girl I have been involved with has fallen into one of two categories: a) Met through mutual friends / club / coworker b) Drunk at a party And the same thing goes for my friends. The only instances I've heard of where one of my friends randomly approached a girl during the daytime, they either got rejected or it fizzled out later. Also, out of all the couples I personally know, it was either (a) or (b). Personally, I think that randomly approaching a girl seems like a terrible dynamic. Putting myself in a girl's shoes, I'd think of it to be absolutely insane to go out with a random guy you talked to for only 10-15 minutes, no matter how charming he seemed. You only have one angle to go off of. The only instance I could see it working is if you happen to go to the same coffee shop at the same time, have the same class, or go to the gym at the same time. And you build it up over time. Am I being off-base here?[/QUOTE] I think it's best to not consider the 'random approaches' themselves as a means of 'pick up'/'tryna hook up' or 'trying to find a boy/girlfriend' or whatever, because really really it's more about socializing with strangers in appropriate settings, full on 'random approaches' where it's not warranted, or appropriate, especially when there's a 'pick up' kinda intention behind it, are generally a bad idea, even flat out creepy, think of someone coming up to you in a parking lot and trying to strike up a conversation for no apparent reason, about god knows what, with god knows what intention, then starts asking you for your number etc etc, or while you're out shopping and someone you don't know in the slightest just straight up walks up to you and starts hitting on you with really bad taste pick up lines, i'd say that kinda 'random approach' would be flat out stupid, and you'd be INCREDIBLY lucky if it got you anywhere with anyone, but you'd be a giant asshole for even using it as a means to an end where as at a party it's naturally appropriate to interact with people you don't already know, i'd argue the same applies to things like pubs/clubs/group or hobby meetups etc etc etc, I believe that if you conceive 'randomly approaching' to be that as opposed to the other, it's within reason, of course, that doesn't mean it can't still end up being creepy, especially if you're a creep about it, but it's a very common way that couples end up meeting, if you get the chance you should ask some married people how they met, it can be pretty insightful hearing the most random/bizarre stories that they come out with (unless it's the more stereotypical we went to highschool together lol)

[QUOTE=elasticity;50073401]full on 'random approaches' where it's not warranted, or appropriate, especially when there's a 'pick up' kinda intention behind it, are generally a bad idea even, flat out creepy[/QUOTE] Yep, it's all about context. Certain areas have cultures where people generally want to be approached/meet new people. Probably doesn't need to be said, but please keep in mind that as a man approaching a woman, you can easily be perceived as a threat in the wrong contexts... I have had guys try to talk to me outside while I was at the store buying groceries after dark and it has sent me running for my car.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50073286]I like to think he set an alarm for 3am, woke up and texted you, then went back asleep[/QUOTE] [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEx01zi1MUk[/url]

Today, a male beggar outside my local grocery store causally informed me that we could find a room to have sex in if we wanted to. This is a slight inconvenience and I would like him to never bring that up again. [editline]5th April 2016[/editline] I thought the kisses he blew me yesterday were just friendly greetings, oh dear.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50071944]I took this guy off Steam over a week ago [img]http://i.imgur.com/Aw5V5Tk.png[/img] jfc [editline]5th April 2016[/editline] Not included are the 3am "flirting" texts that had led to me ignoring him in the first place.[/QUOTE] "Hows it going woman?" the only other context I know of someone using the term woman like that is Manowar in many of their songs. Manowar aren't exactly the most politically correct when it comes to women

[QUOTE=dcalde78;50074771]"Hows it going woman?" the only other context I know of someone using the term woman like that is Manowar in many of their songs. Manowar aren't exactly the most politically correct when it comes to women[/QUOTE] I jokingly call my gf woman sometimes but generally it's something like "don't tempt me, woman" and not "hey you a fine lookin' woman"

[QUOTE=dcalde78;50074771]"Hows it going woman?" the only other context I know of someone using the term woman like that is Manowar in many of their songs. Manowar aren't exactly the most politically correct when it comes to women[/QUOTE] A buddy of mine from yorkshire calls his girlfriend "woman", it amuses me no end, but she doesnt seem to mind. [editline]5th April 2016[/editline] "woman, sort yer fookin life art and ger over ere"

[QUOTE=elasticity;50071367]also curious what it is your friend said to you[/QUOTE] I will probably not keep coming back here to second guess myself but I had another discussion with said friend and it really opened my eyes as to how I've been viewing relationships with people. I think I need to rethink everything I've been doing and think of people more as friends first.

hey guys so, how do you approach making a friend from an almost complete stranger? like, seeing someone that sparks your interest, how do you go and talk to them without seeming weird? i saw this girl (whom i've talked to once before, very basic small talk, didn't even get her name) today, and considered chatting her up, but i didn't know how to approach it (she was with her friends waiting for class), and i didn't want to fuck anything up. but, there's something about her that just really makes we want to get to know her better. any advice?

[QUOTE=NixNax123;50075464]hey guys so, how do you approach making a friend from an almost complete stranger? like, seeing someone that sparks your interest, how do you go and talk to them without seeming weird? i saw this girl (whom i've talked to once before, very basic small talk, didn't even get her name) today, and considered chatting her up, but i didn't know how to approach it (she was with her friends waiting for class), and i didn't want to fuck anything up. but, there's something about her that just really makes we want to get to know her better. any advice?[/QUOTE] 'Hey, didn't we talk before, I don't think I got your name earlier.' Bam, conversation started

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;50075504]'Hey, didn't we talk before, I don't think I got your name earlier.' Bam, conversation started[/QUOTE] that sounds really good, but this was a year ago. but i don't think that matters, just "hey! didn't we talk before, like at the very end of last spring? i don't think i got your name, but i'm nick! nice to meet ya" idk, that sounds awkward, but maybe i'm overthinking

You met a girl a year ago and just now you want to be friends with her? Why now?

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;50075547]You met a girl a year ago and just now you want to be friends with her? Why now?[/QUOTE] because i want to make friends with people that aren't in my classes / i want to make friends that i actually want to talk to / i only have 1 or 2 friends at my university that i hang out with regularly [editline]5th April 2016[/editline] basically i just want to get to know someone completely on my own accord. get out of my "shell" so to speak

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;50032655]today i told my girlfriend that my depression is coming back and i no longer feel the "magic" of the relationship, literally feels like we're just friends who fuck, she agreed but wants to give it 2 weeks to process/think, and also if we feel we can salvage anything i think we can but im very pessimistic, i love her to bits and i will always because we've got a long history but we seriously rushed this relationship, it's gone on for 2 months but we've known each other for 2 years, idk its confusing im sure we'll work something out[/QUOTE] this is off and on, like some days i feel it, some days i dont i am so occupied on uni work, sometimes i feel i have no time for this shit but i dont want to eliminate my entire social life, ive pretty much shut myself out of everything because of stress

[QUOTE=NixNax123;50075570]because i want to make friends with people that aren't in my classes / i want to make friends that i actually want to talk to / i only have 1 or 2 friends at my university that i hang out with regularly [editline]5th April 2016[/editline] basically i just want to get to know someone completely on my own accord. get out of my "shell" so to speak[/QUOTE] so is there any way i can approach this without seeming awkward? because this seems like the only way for me to make friends at the moment.

Why would saying 'woman' be bad? You don't say 'What's up man?' to your guy friends?

[QUOTE=NixNax123;50077645]so is there any way i can approach this without seeming awkward? because this seems like the only way for me to make friends at the moment.[/QUOTE] I don't think so. You have no common ground to base this off of. If you want to get out of your shell, then join clubs that you're interested in but have no experience with. Or get one of those cool/social on-campus jobs. I'm sure you'll meet people like her, and the interactions with them will happen much more naturally.

[QUOTE=plunger435;50078643]Why would saying 'woman' be bad? You don't say 'What's up man?' to your guy friends?[/QUOTE] Its not bad or wrong, it just sounds odd to me I typically say "what's up man" to my female friends too tbh, or I'll use dawg if I feel like immediately repulsing everyone within hearing distance

[QUOTE=plunger435;50078643]Why would saying 'woman' be bad? You don't say 'What's up man?' to your guy friends?[/QUOTE] That's one particular instance - I presume you actually use their names as well, he doesnt!

My sense of humor basically centers around me acting like an arrogant asshole, even though in reality, I'm a pretty humble, caring person who would never think of intentionally hurting or insulting someone. However, apparently I've made some comments in a group chat with all my friends that a lot of people took seriously and now It seems everyone thinks I have a huge ego and that I always act condescending towards everybody, that I think I'm superior to everyone else, etc. etc. etc. I fucking hate this. I feel like it's really obvious when I'm joking around (because I'm almost always joking around) but apparently I'm so good at keeping a straight face and acting serious when I say outlandish things that people have begun to think that I actually mean them, and a certain few have started acting hostile towards me lately. What the hell do I do? I'm getting bored with them anyways, outside of a couple really close friends I'm sort of drifting apart from them. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, it seems that all they want to do nowadays is smoke weed in lieu of going out and doing something fun and original. I kind of want to make amends, but I also kind of want to start drifting away farther and farther until I cut these toxic people from my life. Next semester could be a fresh start, and I kind of like the sound of that. But I also don't want to overreact and abandon them on a whim.

I have posted about this in the depression thread but I figure I might as well post it here, tend to get more feedback here. a few days ago a friend sent me a message about how pissed she was at me. we haven't spoken in about what, 2 weeks? we just lost contact. she told me she was mad at me since I was scared of contacting her, and yeah, I actually am. I've told her in the past (which I did repeat this time too) that pretty much everytime I've contacted her in the past I've been rejected so I've just decided to wait for her to contact me. she was also upset that I was hanging out with someone else but not her and was wondering why I was able to contact this other friend but not her. quote from her, "I thought we were pretty close but apparently I was really fucking wrong?" which sounded pretty harsh? I've literally done nothing here, quite literally. she mentioned how she wasn't interested in having friends who "say one thing but do the other and are afraid to contact me". I think she was mostly upset about me reconnecting with my friend who I currently hang out with a fair share since I have told her that I didn't want to reconnect. this was mostly over some thing that really upset me about her but we worked it out which she hasn't gotten up to date about. she finishes the message with "I can't be bothered to have friends who aren't honest with me... Sorry". I feel like she really over dramatizes this. I've been honest all the way, it's just that we haven't really updated each other about our lives since we haven't talked that much. why does she have to jump to conclusions like that? I followed up her message with a positively loaded message, saying I understood her frustration and so on. mentioned how I had contacted her a lot in the past but always gotten no, how things change between people, and how I'd love to meet her but that we need to solve this somehow and talk proper. I mentioned that, if I were to contact her and she'd say no, it'd be great if she actually told me of a day she was vacant so we would actually meet. I finished it all off with how I still viewed her as a good friend and that I'd love to hang out with her sometime, break that ice again. she saw the message, never replied. then a few hours passed (6-7 hours?) and she just wrote a thumbs up and a smiley face. what? she discarded everything I said, didn't even acknowledge any of it. she's apparently upset that we've lost contact but at the same time she doesn't want to solve this and reconnect with me? its hard to fix this if she doesn't cooperate with me. it just frustrates me so much, the way she acts make it seem like she just wants to be mad at me. it's tempting to send her a message asking whats up with her behavior? she's super mad about me never contacting her and us losing contact, I send a very positive, carefully worded and understanding message back with an obvious intention of fixing this and she has nothing to say? I honestly can't wrap my head around this. what do I do? I have a feeling she's just threatening me when she says she "can't have friends" who act like me, maybe not, but I know for sure that I'm legit wondering if I can be bothered with this unnecessary drama that spawns from nowhere? can I really be bothered with someone who overdramatizes shit like this and jumps to conclusions like that?