Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Solodris;50104753]Getting accepted assuming a purpose, might be less distressing than having validation as purpose itself. As an entertaining facade eventually falls, when the clown behind it can no longer smile.[/QUOTE] Check out fuckin trotsky over here

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50104768]Check out fuckin trotsky over here[/QUOTE] Autistic people tend to need more time learning how to communicate appropriately.

[QUOTE=Solodris;50104830]Autistic people tend to need more time learning how to communicate appropriately.[/QUOTE] Ah, my apologies

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50104832]Ah, my apologies[/QUOTE] Pretentious is the word, isn't it? I'm glad you pointed it out though.

well, i haven't heard back from her yet (she hasn't seen my message). i'll just end up going to where we agreed I guess, if she shows she shows, if she doesn't - well that sucks but thats life I guess.

I've noticed I've liked a lot of statuses the girl I like puts up on Facebook... is that weird? I mean, it's not completely deliberate, I genuinely like the stuff she puts up.

I guess this is probably the best place to vent So like, I don't really have the best relationship with my parents. Frankly, I'd prefer if it didn't feel like I always have to answer to them for everything I do. Like, I'm 19 and I can't go out with friends without getting grilled on what i'm doing or a bunch of "when are you going to be home" texts. I barely do stuff as it is out of this innate fear of those situations, and part of that is on how my parents raised me. I always feel like I'm going to get in trouble or have them intervene in some way so i end up not telling them much - especially my dad. Like, I didn't start watching R rated movies until fairly recently because I was afraid of backlash from my parents. I'm at my best when I'm at home and they aren't there, or I'm out and about and not having to deal with them. Like with this coffee thing I'm doing, I'm driving 45 minutes to the main campus of the state university to meet up with this girl. I was hesitant to do this in the first place because I'd have to come up with some cover because I don't need my parents attempting to get involved in any potential relationships, hell they haven't met any of my friends from college (and I've known them for nearly 2 years now!) because I have this like fear of them reacting badly to my friends and me. So I found out on Friday that my dad was going to be home this weekend, which I hadn't anticipated (he works out of state and isn't home for weeks at a time) and i should have realized then shit would go down the drain. I was planning on watching a movie last night, and I asked my brothers if they wanted to watch it and they said "i dont know, maybe". Fast forward to later in the day and my dad says "so after our big family dinner tomorrow we'll watch that movie! All of us!". So I told him (my mother was also there) I already have plans and I'm not going to be home. That in my eyes should have been the end of it, the details don't matter past the fact I was not going to be home. But of course, that wasn't the end. So this morning my mother asked me if I could get milk for my grandmother on my way home from work, so I told her again I'm not going to be home, and then the pressing for details starts. "What are you doing" "hanging out with friends" "where are you going" "the main campus" That didn't end it either, because as I was putting my shoes on to leave for work my dad starts the same routine "why are you going up there, to a party" "why are you being so secretive". Like, I just wish I made enough to be able to move into my own apartment and not have to live at home where, even at almost 20, i'm still answering for everything I do. [editline]10th April 2016[/editline] Like, I feel so damn constricted living at home and I don't understand why my parents fail to see they're giving me no space

Is it possible they'd understand if you expressed any of this directly to them? As in, is it possible they don't understand how they're being overbearing, and maybe they'd ease up if you told them "I'm going to meet a girl for coffee and the only reason I'm being secretive is because you guys overanalyze everything I do and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I wish you could trust me to do my own thing"?

I've tried in the past, but it's gotten me nowhere. Like, when I went to a therapist for a while back during my Sneior year (so 2 years ago now) I made that clear when my parents were there with me on certain days. I've tried making it clear on my own before that, and since then. Like I remember about a year ago at my Great-Grandmother's funeral, a family member of mine asked if I had a girlfriend, and before I could even open my mouth my mother answered for me, "that im focusing on school right now instead". It just always feels like I'm being treated like a 5 year old.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50090188]girl mad since I never contact her[/QUOTE] I'm feeling kinda distressed about this entire ordeal. I really like that this girl is out of my life now since she has caused me so much pain, but at the same time I'm afraid what she's gonna say to friends and that she's going to leak "secrets" I've shared. I don't really remember any specific right now, but I know I talked trash behind my current best friends back for a long time. at some point since she had upset me greatly, but now we're closer than ever and its been years since I felt this confident in a friendship. I'm so scared she's going to reveal this to my friend, damage our relation and remove her trust from me. that old relation we had, it wasn't this strong. I don't want this to break, she is such a good friend to have around. I'm not sure, should I just openly admit to her "yes, I have said some nasty things behind your back and blabla but its not like that anymore, its changed, we're bffs now" unprovoked? maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and hope for the best? I feel like it might be better to hear it from me but it might seem so incredibly random to just blurt it out like that. she might think that I'm only telling because I know she'll get to know anyway (I don't know if she will, but maybe she might think that if I tell her) and I'm just trying to save my own ass by acting like the better guy. or if I keep my mouth shut, she might never get to know if this ex friend also keeps her mouth shut. I want this to end in the best possible way. I want to put my mind to ease, not worry about suddenly getting a message about this topic. maybe it'd be better to hope nothing leaks then do damage control if it does? I feel kinda bad keeping it back from her at the same time, but I see no good in revealing it either if she'll never know about it anyway. I'm pretty confident that this is a thing that won't repeat itself and as said, I appreciate her a lot more than I used to. [editline]10th April 2016[/editline] oh and, the girl thats mad at me fired off another message today. she just repeated herself, so I decided to write her a novel covering every topic she had brought up, including some of my own. I finished the message with that if she wanted to fix this, she had to talk to me about this thing instead of telling me about how awful life is, how I'm a bad influence and how I'm taking her well being down. I told her if we could talk about it, we could actually reach a solution to the problem instead of her just accusing me of everything. as said, it was a pretty long novel so I'm not gonna post all the details, but I'd like to think I really left her speechless heh. her arguments were preetty easy to invalidate as she had nothing to back them up, they were all assumptions and her not understanding my current life situation. [editline]10th April 2016[/editline] okay yeah I'm pretty worried. I notice I get anxious just seeing both of them active on facebook. I'm just so scared of our friendship getting weakened by some trash I talked ages ago.

[QUOTE=bdd458;50106413]I've tried in the past, but it's gotten me nowhere. Like, when I went to a therapist for a while back during my Sneior year (so 2 years ago now) I made that clear when my parents were there with me on certain days. I've tried making it clear on my own before that, and since then. Like I remember about a year ago at my Great-Grandmother's funeral, a family member of mine asked if I had a girlfriend, and before I could even open my mouth my mother answered for me, "that im focusing on school right now instead". It just always feels like I'm being treated like a 5 year old.[/QUOTE] I can empathize with that. I have a very overbearing mother passing the control freak line and I can't do anything without her questioning and inquiring. I don't like to tell her because she can't control her mouth and tells everyone what I'm doing, tries to speak for me and over-exaggerates everything I try to do. My dad is alright, he asks when I'm about to head out the door but isn't overly nosy but stills tries to talk for me sometimes with his brother and friends about things he doesn't understand and acts clueless when I correct him. My mother is always blowing up my phone with calls and texts asking me where I am, and if I don't respond she starts to break down emotionally. In my Middle School years she showed up at the park I was at all hysterical, embarrassing me in front of some friends and took me home all because I didn't tell her what I was doing. The girl I posted about several pages earlier I still haven't told my parents about, I just came home late that night and when asked what happened I just said I worked late(I do work late time to time so they didn't question it.) If I told them I would never hear the end of it like 'well why don't you try to talk to her to ask why she thinks you wouldn't go well together?' especially my father who has had terrible relationships in his time, whenever I went out with another girl on just a friends status he kept telling me to just 'ask her to be your girlfriend if she likes you' until I caved in despite not having that attraction to her. If it wasn't for the absurd cost of living in NJ I'd pack up and go just to be alone but my mother would no doubt kill herself if I left.

My mom doesn't sleep when I'm not home. I'm not in high school. I'm almost done with my second semester of college, like I need to be allowed to grow up. Oh, and that girl never showed. It was just as friends but it still fucking sucks. In all likelihood she probably forgot since we set it up over a week ago, and I should have messaged her during the week. Messaged her earlier to see if she was still coming (when I was at the cafe) and she hasn't seen it yet. That was 2 hours ago. Maybe she'll get back to me, maybe she won't. Since I really don't want to go home and deal with my parents I've decided I'm going to see Zootopia and Star Wars at the local drive in, maybe that'll cheer me up :/ edit: cue the "when are you going to be home" text and "it would have been nice to know thats where you were going!!!"

[QUOTE=PredGD;50107685]I'm not sure, should I just openly admit to her "yes, I have said some nasty things behind your back and blabla but its not like that anymore, its changed, we're bffs now" unprovoked?[/QUOTE] Well, how nasty are we talking? I was reading this and it occurred to me that among my very best friends, one is a girl who used to hate me (which she told me) and a guy I used to hate (which I've told him). And these facts never bothered anybody involved. In the girl's case, she hated me because she thought I was stupid and bad at my job, but it was all just because I was new to it. So I didn't even give it a second thought. Learning that she used to hate me didn't matter to me at all, because we have such a strong friendship now.

[QUOTE=bdd458;50108171]My mom doesn't sleep when I'm not home. I'm not in high school. I'm almost done with my second semester of college, like I need to be allowed to grow up. Oh, and that girl never showed. It was just as friends but it still fucking sucks. In all likelihood she probably forgot since we set it up over a week ago, and I should have messaged her during the week. Messaged her earlier to see if she was still coming (when I was at the cafe) and she hasn't seen it yet. That was 2 hours ago. Maybe she'll get back to me, maybe she won't. Since I really don't want to go home and deal with my parents I've decided I'm going to see Zootopia and Star Wars at the local drive in, maybe that'll cheer me up :/ edit: cue the "when are you going to be home" text and "it would have been nice to know thats where you were going!!!"[/QUOTE] I'm 24 (25 next month) and my mom still freaks the fuck out to the point where she can't sleep if my skype calls with my girlfriend go beyond 1 AM. She literally starts knocking on my door "Turn off that computer RIGHT NOW!" and starts arguing with me about how "that isn't a proper life for a young man! You can't do only what you want, blablabla" and when I try to argue back she acuses me of being unreasonable "I can't BELIEVE what I'm hearing". I'm not even making any noise at all. She also used to stay up all night when I would sleep in my ex's house, but I can forgive her that one. I'm afraid she'll have a heart attack when I leave home for good. (God forbid *knocks on wood*). I thought only Latin moms tended to be this way, but I guess moms will be moms wherever you are, right? :v:

man all you guys with your mums minute I turned 18 my parents did not give two fucks if I was at the leagues club with the boiz until all hours

That's because you don't have a Latin mom who has a picture of you, on her bedside table, next to a small image of the virgin Mary. Moms here. They mount fucking shrines for their kids. But dads are like: "Why are you kids so useless! Back in my day I was in Siberia chopping wood with my bare fists for a living!" Latin dads want you to grow some hair on your chest and fight grisly bears and come back with nasty scars and make bastard sons all over the globe. You're always a disappointment. But moms... moms want you to stay... ...FOREVER

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;50109389]Well, how nasty are we talking? I was reading this and it occurred to me that among my very best friends, one is a girl who used to hate me (which she told me) and a guy I used to hate (which I've told him). And these facts never bothered anybody involved. In the girl's case, she hated me because she thought I was stupid and bad at my job, but it was all just because I was new to it. So I didn't even give it a second thought. Learning that she used to hate me didn't matter to me at all, because we have such a strong friendship now.[/QUOTE] that's the worst part, I don't really remember what I've said. all I know is that I did speak trash, though I do have a feeling it's not too bad. it's possible I've called her inconsiderate of others, that she's unable to think for herself, too centered on herself, etc etc. mostly talking trash about her behavior. what I remember very clearly saying is that I had no intentions of taking her back as friend as I found her to be a bad friend, but she has changed a lot surprisingly, or it might just be our relation that has changed a lot for the better. feel like I have to mention that the friendship never broke, there were no fights (or maybe a little, but I'd rather call it a conflict than a fight), I just got very tired of her due to one event that made me stop contacting her and act different which made her stop contacting me.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50111336]that's the worst part, I don't really remember what I've said. all I know is that I did speak trash, though I do have a feeling it's not too bad. it's possible I've called her inconsiderate of others, that she's unable to think for herself, too centered on herself, etc etc. mostly talking trash about her behavior. what I remember very clearly saying is that I had no intentions of taking her back as friend as I found her to be a bad friend, but she has changed a lot surprisingly, or it might just be our relation that has changed a lot for the better. feel like I have to mention that the friendship never broke, there were no fights (or maybe a little, but I'd rather call it a conflict than a fight), I just got very tired of her due to one event that made me stop contacting her and act different which made her stop contacting me.[/QUOTE] Quit worrying about the unreasonable girl. You don't need to talk to her. You don't need to worry about what she might do to sabotage your other relationships. If she actually does try to start shit and your friends confront you about it, tell them the truth. Tell them that you value them as your friend. Tell them that you had a falling out with this other girl and that she's being unreasonable. Chances are they'll understand. If they don't and want to turn it into a big fight, they're probably not very good friends. You'll be fine dude.

Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with mom problems.

[QUOTE=DELL;50113716]Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with mom problems.[/QUOTE] We're all in this together. <3

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50111270]That's because you don't have a Latin mom who has a picture of you, on her bedside table, next to a small image of the virgin Mary. Moms here. They mount fucking shrines for their kids. But dads are like: "Why are you kids so useless! Back in my day I was in Siberia chopping wood with my bare fists for a living!" Latin dads want you to grow some hair on your chest and fight grisly bears and come back with nasty scars and make bastard sons all over the globe. You're always a disappointment. But moms... moms want you to stay... ...FOREVER[/QUOTE] holy shit it's not just me. My parents are the exact same, except my dad is a polack who comes from a very macho grisly man family. god damn Iberian women.

I need some advice about how to ask my roommates to please be quiet at night so I can sleep. I need to get up early for work but often end up staying up late because I can't get to sleep for all the noise. I guess my biggest problem is that I'm [I]very[/I] nonconfrontational, I'd prefer to send a Facebook message or something rather than talk it out; it's also hard to catch everyone together at the same time because we all keep different hours. Plus I feel like it's rude or unfair for me to impose my hours on everyone else. If I go to bed at ten and my roommate doesn't finish his homework until 11, how is it fair to say "sorry, you can't watch TV after I go to bed"?

[QUOTE=Corndog Ninja;50115067]:cry:[/QUOTE] You could invest in methods of noise cancellation for your room

Is swapping rooms an option? In that case they get to keep their late nights and you might get better sleep.

I feel like there's a positive kind of spark igniting. A friend from the LGBT youth locale I attend. I've always admittedly liked her. But on Saturday I read in the youth locale's whats'app group chat that she said she's seeing somebody. Was on a date of Friday. Seemed happy about it too. I was happy for her, but kinda feeling like crap afterwards, despite myself having been on a short date on Saturday. Albeit with someone who seemed mainly interested in me due to my looks and similarities. But today she asked me if I was attending the youth locale's evening for Swedish talking youth, I sure as hell went as I missed the previous time and also the previous normal evening. The two of us then talked there for three hours, plus when I gave her a ride home. And she was every now and then being bothered by some African guy whom she expected got her number from Interpal. Anyways; that guy going about in a quite desperate and intrusive manner. And then later on in the group chat she had a laugh about that the guy she was on a date with now started acting in a similar fashion. I guess I'm rambling about it here just to hear assurance, as per the thread's subtitle. I'm seeing her tomorrow at the youth locale again. I'm rather certain that her interest for her latest date has dropped when he went desperate and intrusive. We surely have a really good connection. I'm quite sure it's not the new meds I started taking. Yup. Gonna go with what the thread title says, it seems. Change by time is amusing. I used to be a rather desperate kind type years ago. Now I'm in the situation where for instance the weekend before last I had to deal with one girl wanting me to teach her how to play guitar, another wanting to play with my hair and a third being very transparent about wanting to fuck.

Coffee date went great, asked her out to dinner and she said yes! I guess I really was reading too much into it. I think she's really into me.

On later introspect I've might been bordering on having another hypomanic episode yesterday. Luckily not to the extent that I'd need some serious consultation from this thread.

Alright, I need some major advice. I'm a gigantic loser when it comes to girls. Never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and just overall never had any real opportunities in school to meet with girls I genuinely feel for, therefore I'm not exactly the smoothest guy when it comes to talking with girls. My self-esteem is generally kinda of low because I have no motivation to improve. I'm nervous, shy, I make stupid jokes, etc. I'm just an overall wreck. It's also kinda funny because when my dad was in highschool, he was that guy who had all the girls over him. Guess his hunk magic didn't rub off of me, heh. So here's the story. There's this girl I kinda like, I see her every other day of the week. We usually meet at a school club and talk about general stuff a lot. Video games, drawing, personal interests, etc etc. We don't have each others phone numbers or anything of the sort (I'm way too shy to ask), so we can't really talk outside the club, so my chances to hang out with this girl more is pretty low. But today, she gave me a cute pink envelope with an invitation to her birthday party in a few days. I want to take advantage of this chance to get to know her more. I need some help here, literally anything. I'm a complete mess when it comes to talking to girls, and I don't want to be a cringe master when I come to her house. I was already thinking about buying her a birthday present as a sign of goodwill, but I don't know what else to do. I'm so nervous.

First of all, change your attitude. Confidence is a very very important thing in lofe and you just can't throw it to the side and be like "I havo no self steem and I'm too lazy to change that". Dude, delete the thing that says "I can't" constantly from your mind. Then and only then you will feel truly capable to your full extent. For the situation in question, you will not be a "total cringelord" if you just participate in conversations and the party, and honestly, if you are not a terrible person, (note: most likely you aren't one) nobody will think bad of you. Also, use just one layer of thought, don't go for what ifs, dont even think about the worst situation. Catch thise bad thoughts and destroy them with mindful thinking. What if someone told you that you will be a wreck at her party? Sounds so goddamn rude and ridiculous. Just befriend your own mind and you will be ok.

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;50122483]First of all, change your attitude. Confidence is a very very important thing in lofe and you just can't throw it to the side and be like "I havo no self steem and I'm too lazy to change that". Dude, delete the thing that says "I can't" constantly from your mind. Then and only then you will feel truly capable to your full extent. For the situation in question, you will not be a "total cringelord" if you just participate in conversations and the party, and honestly, if you are not a terrible person, (note: most likely you aren't one) nobody will think bad of you. Also, use just one layer of thought, don't go for what ifs, dont even think about the worst situation. Catch thise bad thoughts and destroy them with mindful thinking. What if someone told you that you will be a wreck at her party? Sounds so goddamn rude and ridiculous. Just befriend your own mind and you will be ok.[/QUOTE] I hate sounding like a pessimistic asshole. I've never had any sort of intention to go out of my way to be pessimist at the expense of others. I've just grown up with the mindset of "always expect the worst even if you know nothing will happen". I know it's a horrible mindset, but it's attached to me. I do want to change it. I've been wanting to change for a long time. Thanks, I'll try to change my act and think more confidently, but it's easier said than done. I'm generally not someone people hate at all, hell I actively try to be social as possible, I'm just an extremely self-conscious person.