Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=NoobSauce;50122615]I hate sounding like a pessimistic asshole. I've never had any sort of intention to go out of my way to be pessimist the expense of others. I've just grown up with the mindset of "always expect the worst even if you know nothing will happen". I know it's a horrible mindset, but it's attached to me. I do want to change it. I've been wanting to change for a long time. Thanks, I'll try to change my act and think more confidently, but it's easier said than done. I'm generally not someone people hate at all, hell I actively try to be social as possible, I'm just an extremely self-conscious person.[/QUOTE] I used to think a lot like you do currently, expect the worst and so on but slowly I changed to not expect anything. just go with the flow. it helps a lot since you won't be thinking about worst case scenarios before you go which will just build up a ton of anxiety, you'll just go there with no thoughts and take things as they arise. I used to think differently my whole life but suddenly that change happened! I'm sure you'll be able to pull that off too if you dedicate enough energy into it

doing some more thinking and what really sucks about getting stuck up by that chick was that she suggested both the place and date, and its not like there was any indication of something like this before that, because like the conversation was really good and not just one sided. it's just really frustrating. i gotta move on though now, not let it bog me down

not sure why i got sent here for fashion advice, is this a better place?

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;50060511]Got texted out of nowhere by a girl saying 'my mom is driving me crazy lets get drinks' ayyy[/QUOTE] Hung out with her twice after this. One of those times was today Just now she texted me 'pssssst' so I replied with '???' and then she texted me 'love u' I'm happy, and yet nervous

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;50124778]not sure why i got sent here for fashion advice, is this a better place?[/QUOTE] You missed the point.

[QUOTE=Kindlinho;50126455]You missed the point.[/QUOTE] I don't understand people, life is difficult. Trial and error and getting shat on and hated by everyone is just daily occurrences

yes that's exactly what was said

I have a problem with the way I switch my behavior when I'm around certain people. I feel the most comfortable and confident when I'm among friends who like me the way I am and there's a moment when I'm trying to meet someone or when I don't trust someone enough, instead of being myself I, unconsciously draw people away or worry too much about what they will think about me. The problem starts when I'm with someone and I feel like "What if I mention this and they think I'm weird/crazy/creepy?", "What if they turn me into a target for jokes?" "What if they are all dicks?" and then I get caught in these thoughts and I end up going silent and avoid interaction.

[QUOTE=Firecat;50128725]Because you talked more about your problems than actual fashion topics and completely shut down any help, just say that stuff here lol[/QUOTE] I want to answer people that reply to me, otherwise that's seen as kind of rude. Yes I know it's off topic but you people wouldn't stop. Therapist appointment later today, gonna be interesting

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;50129036]I have a problem with the way I switch my behavior when I'm around certain people. I feel the most comfortable and confident when I'm among friends who like me the way I am and there's a moment when I'm trying to meet someone or when I don't trust someone enough, instead of being myself I, unconsciously draw people away or worry too much about what they will think about me. The problem starts when I'm with someone and I feel like "What if I mention this and they think I'm weird/crazy/creepy?", "What if they turn me into a target for jokes?" "What if they are all dicks?" and then I get caught in these thoughts and I end up going silent and avoid interaction.[/QUOTE] You're not "not being yourself". Everyone changes who they are based on who they're talking to - it's totally normal. It's also totally normal to feel more self-conscious around some people than others. I have met some people who I could carry on a conversation with and joke around with for hours, and others who I couldn't even think of what to talk about with. It doesn't reflect on who you are individually - it only reflects on how you relate to that specific person.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;50129036]I have a problem with the way I switch my behavior when I'm around certain people. I feel the most comfortable and confident when I'm among friends who like me the way I am and there's a moment when I'm trying to meet someone or when I don't trust someone enough, instead of being myself I, unconsciously draw people away or worry too much about what they will think about me. The problem starts when I'm with someone and I feel like "What if I mention this and they think I'm weird/crazy/creepy?", "What if they turn me into a target for jokes?" "What if they are all dicks?" and then I get caught in these thoughts and I end up going silent and avoid interaction.[/QUOTE] If that happens it means that you just don't connect to certain people. Which is alright because you don't have to connect with everyone. There will be a lot of people with whom you won't be able to connect, no matter how hard you try, and you won't be able to. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I went through the same problem with people from University. I got to the point where I thought that everyone would find me a fool and I even started doubting myself. It's pretty much your subconscious rejecting those people, so they don't come in. It's your mask, your protection. On one hand you feel you need company and people, but on the other hand, most of the people you meet and hang out with make you feel that way, because they just don't meet your expectations of what you desire in someone meaningful for you (at least at first). That's why you adjust. It's something we all do, let me tell you that. You're just not hanging out with the right people for you. We all want meaningful people in our lives, people that make us grow, and they are out there. Just don't feel pressured to meet the standards of people who don't really mean much to you at start. If you don't feel comfortable corresponding to their behavior, you don't have to. Feel whatever you want to feel and act like you own it.

FP, I need some advice. I'm a shy person and haven't had a gf yet (and I'm 18 years old). There's this really cute girl I like and I asked her out the other day, but she told me she doesn't want to get into a relationship now because she will be moving ~300km away for university. However, she did ask me something about prom night which will be in a month or so. Do you think I still have a chance with her and should I ask her out for prom or ask her for a date in general?

[QUOTE=Mr.357;50129910]FP, I need some advice. I'm a shy person and haven't had a gf yet (and I'm 18 years old). There's this really cute girl I like and I asked her out the other day, but she told me she doesn't want to get into a relationship now because she will be moving ~300km away for university. However, she did ask me something about prom night which will be in a month or so. Do you think I still have a chance with her and should I ask her out for prom or ask her for a date in general?[/QUOTE] Yes. I mean why not? It's not like you have anything to lose even if it doesn't develop into a relationship. Go, dude. Ask her for prom.

Got back from my therapist. That thread is the problem, not me. Not to say I don't have any other problems though

The thread is not the problem for not sitting and patting ur butt tho, dude. Do you go into a museum and then blame a museum for not understanding historical differences between one exhibit and another??? Or do you go into a movie theatre and blame the theatre because the Batman movie is the same as Zootopia??? It's a problem for you to be posting in it when you aren't capable of finding aesthetic differences in various styles of clothing, yes.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50130634] It's a problem for you to be posting in it when you aren't capable of finding aesthetic differences in various styles of clothing, yes.[/QUOTE] Then I guess my therapist has the same problem as me.

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;50130626]Got back from my therapist. That thread is the problem, not me. Not to say I don't have any other problems though[/QUOTE] If that's what your therapist is saying then I doubt you're telling the correct story

[QUOTE=Eric95;50130745]If that's what your therapist is saying then I doubt you're telling the correct story[/QUOTE] a) Everyone has personal bias when retelling events. It's really hard to discuss your own life in an unbiased way (or especially in a way that portrays you in a bad light). b) Most therapists would agree that it's more important to have views that are beneficial than accurate. Chances are he already has some self-esteem issues and treating every negative thing people say about him as absolute truth that he should listen to is not going to improve that.

My dad agrees too. [QUOTE=Eric95;50130745]If that's what your therapist is saying then I doubt you're telling the correct story[/QUOTE] It's not like I'm blind to see differences, but they [i]look[/i] the same to me. One with stripes or one without doesn't matter. It needs to have a pretty unique design for me to like it, and that's what stores here don't have. It took like half an hour to explain everything, and I just can't do the same here with just text.

Dude, everyone has different interests and personal tastes. Just because you don't like something doesn't make it objectively wrong for anyone else to like it.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50130847]Dude, everyone has different interests and personal tastes. Just because you don't like something doesn't make it objectively wrong for anyone else to like it.[/QUOTE] never said that, but the thing is that this applies to many things in my every day life, which detracts it i don't notice trash on my work space because i see it as a work space i don't see the difference of food in the store because it's all food i don't see the difference of clothes because they're all clothes i don't see the individual parts of a building when i need to use it as a reference for 3d stuff

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;50130626]Got back from my therapist. That thread is the problem, not me. Not to say I don't have any other problems though[/QUOTE] It's less about your inability to see differences in clothing (which frankly I don't even think you have) and more about how you kept trying to make the conversation about yourself at every turn. The discussion died down like 4-5 times only for you to reignite it with a random as fuck self deprecating comment about how "this is just who I am" That's not 'just who you are' because they're both things you can work on. Not that you need an understanding of design because tbh that's obviously something you can get through life without, but try to work on whatever it is that makes you shut out any opinions that don't vindicate your own with a "I just can't do it" or "That's not me" (with your therapist, because there's only so much FP can do for you on that front)

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;50130936]It's less about your inability to see differences in clothing (which frankly I don't even think you have) and more about how you kept trying to make the conversation about yourself at every turn. The discussion died down like 4-5 times only for you to reignite it with a random as fuck self deprecating comment about how "this is just who I am" That's not 'just who you are' because they're both things you can work on. Not that you need an understanding of design because tbh that's obviously something you can get through life without, but try to work on whatever it is that makes you shut out any opinions that don't vindicate your own with a "I just can't do it" or "That's not me" (with your therapist, because there's only so much FP can do for you on that front)[/QUOTE] i honestly can't understand what you're trying to convey

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;50130886]never said that, but the thing is that this applies to many things in my every day life, which detracts it i don't notice trash on my work space because i see it as a work space i don't see the difference of food in the store because it's all food i don't see the difference of clothes because they're all clothes i don't see the individual parts of a building when i need to use it as a reference for 3d stuff[/QUOTE] I don't see how this makes it everyone elses problem but yours.

[QUOTE=metallics;50130943]I don't see how this makes it everyone elses problem but yours.[/QUOTE] uhh it is my problem have i said anything else??

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;50130626]Got back from my therapist. That thread is the problem, not me. Not to say I don't have any other problems though[/QUOTE] !!!

[QUOTE=metallics;50130948]!!![/QUOTE] yeah, what about it? that earlier post doesn't have anything to do with it

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;50130942]i honestly can't understand what you're trying to convey[/QUOTE] what i'm saying is that you're stubborn because of self esteem problems. fp can't help you with this. talk about it with your therapist.

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;50131034]what i'm saying is that you're stubborn because of self esteem problems. fp can't help you with this. talk about it with your therapist.[/QUOTE] uhh sure? i don't think he noticed anything relevant to that when i explained it though getting a point across on the internet (and especially this forum) is really damn hard, i'm pretty sure you people still don't understand what i'm talking about

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;50131048]uhh sure? i don't think he noticed anything relevant to that when i explained it though getting a point across on the internet (and especially this forum) is really damn hard, i'm pretty sure you people still don't understand what i'm talking about[/QUOTE] case in point