Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

bah okay so I had the perfect opportunity to talk to that girl on the bus today and I totally dropped the ball. We were waiting to get on and she walked up right next to me, we made eye contact, I think she smiled and I don't think I did, then I looked away and my thought process went like this "Huh, I totally have a chance to talk to her right now. I guess I should? I have like 10-20 seconds to say something. But what do I say?" Then I spent the next 30 seconds trying to think of something to say and got on the bus without saying anything. I'm not super broken up about it because it kind of helped me realize what went wrong - I am totally blind to my strengths and when put in a stressful situation like that I can only think of my weaknesses, such as my complete lack of experience in social situations. All I needed to do was say "Hi". From there I would've been able to naturally form a conversation, because I know what I want to talk to her about I just can't form the way to say it in the moment. Right afterward, of course, I knew exactly what to say. If I woulda just said something I most likely would've been able to figure it out on the fly. I've spent so long beating myself up over every little mistake and going over my weaknesses and how bad I am in my head over and over that I'm starting to realize I don't ever think positively in these situations and I forget that I AM actually capable of doing things sometimes. That hesitation in thinking of what to say had this connotation that I wasn't going to do it because I'm bad and would never be able to think of something to say. Like, when it comes to video games I'll dive headfirst into a challenge just to see what I get out of it even if that challenge seems a bit out of my scope - why don't I do that in real life? I'm kinda mad about it because it was such a golden opportunity but... oh well. Not the end of the world if I don't talk to this person. If I get that chance again though I'm pretty much set on not letting it go, just out of principal. I don't even care if she ends up thinking I'm creepy and tells me to go away or something I just gotta do it.

I haven't checked my OkCupid in a while but this sure is a message. [img]https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/am5zispv9n1zc0k/chrome_2016-05-04_22-52-48.png?dl=0[/img] Does this man want to assault me.

Seems like solitary life in a mountain cottage is taking its toll on Walter White.

it's nice being infatuated again must check phone more often

[QUOTE=jonoPorter;50257788]I did the thing with the Rose and brought her one with that remark. She thought that it was cute and amazing. After we finished our drinks we went for a walk along the lake into the direction of her place. At some point she looks into the paper the Rose is wrapped in and tells me the flower is gone gone. I guess she lost it somewhere along the way. While we were backtracking to go find it I could tell she was almost about to cry but when we found it she pretended she was just pretending to almost cry but I also think she just said she was pretending because I said "You're not going to cry now, are you? It's just a flower." Either way I guess it meant something to her. Shame she's not around the next 10 or so days because her school is going on a trip to the USA, but she told me she would text me and tell me how New York was so that's good. She also invited me to her prom (I have no idea how to describe this in English) which is in August or something. Overall a good evening I would say, even though when we parted ways I let the inner autist out because when we hugged she had her cheek awfully turned towards me and I had no better idea to make our cheeks touch. But she still texted with me after so that's fine I guess. We'll see.[/QUOTE] did she gum your worm

[QUOTE=dcalde78;50260784]did she gum your worm[/QUOTE] no, she did not gum my worm if you read the last paragraph you will see that there was only a hug and awkward cheeks touching [editline]5th May 2016[/editline] thinking about it that was so awkward aaaaaaa

[QUOTE=jonoPorter;50260819]no, she did not gum my worm if you read the last paragraph you will see that there was only a hug and awkward cheeks touching [editline]5th May 2016[/editline] thinking about it that was so awkward aaaaaaa[/QUOTE] haha dude it's fine to be a little shy, stop convincing yourself it's your 'inner autist' or whatever, we all do dumb shit like that when we're not fully sure what to do, that's how you learn to pay attention to opportunities in the future! you did fine, and the fact that you didn't go in for a kiss or anything too soon is probably gonna look good on you in the sense that you're not rushing things and being pushy, sounds like you both enjoyed eachother's company, as awkward as it might have been in the end, it's not gonna set you back unless you let it play on your mind too much and convince yourself that you some how fucked everything up (which you definitely did not)

[QUOTE=elasticity;50260883]haha dude it's fine to be a little shy, stop convincing yourself it's your 'inner autist' or whatever, we all do dumb shit like that when we're not fully sure what to do, that's how you learn to pay attention to opportunities in the future! you did fine, and the fact that you didn't go in for a kiss or anything too soon is probably gonna look good on you in the sense that you're not rushing things and being pushy, sounds like you both enjoyed eachother's company, as awkward as it might have been in the end, it's not gonna set you back unless you let it play on your mind too much and convince yourself that you some how fucked everything up (which you definitely did not)[/QUOTE] Thanks man. What you're saying is already making me less nervous. When we were talking she mentioned she doesn't like flying, planes in general. I sent her a text somewhat an hour before shes boarding her plane that jokingly says "Thanks for boarding, keep in mind that everything will be just fine. Enjoy your flight". I don't think she saw that before boarding though so I guess she will see it when she gets off the plane. That's fine right? I mean all it says 'hey I care'.

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;50248598][t]http://i.imgur.com/8K99w43.png[/t] so this person i used to see from like september 2015 to september 2015 lashed out at me for my snap story, when i told her i dont listen to bullies she sent this fuckin lmao, im done with her ass, she's harassed me enough[/QUOTE] "you're pathetic scum and a failure in all aspects / you can't even do what you want to do" Whoa nelly, what an awful person lol. At least you can always look back on this screenshot whenever you're feeling down about yourself and think "hey, at least I'm not this stupid cunt". [editline]5th May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;50260254]I haven't checked my OkCupid in a while but this sure is a message. [img]https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/am5zispv9n1zc0k/chrome_2016-05-04_22-52-48.png?dl=0[/img] Does this man want to assault me.[/QUOTE] How does a grown man type these words out, read what he's typed and think "yes, this is appropriate to send to another person whom I'm unfamiliar with"? I'm assuming he was going for an aggressive BDSM pitch but.. Really, really fumbled the execution.

[QUOTE=srobins;50260908] How does a grown man type these words out, read what he's typed and think "yes, this is appropriate to send to another person whom I'm unfamiliar with"? I'm assuming he was going for an aggressive BDSM pitch but.. Really, really fumbled the execution.[/QUOTE] My friend got this the other day [t]http://i.imgur.com/aDsL5jX.jpg[/t]

[QUOTE=bdd458;50261923]My friend got this the other day [t]http://i.imgur.com/aDsL5jX.jpg[/t][/QUOTE] the 'delight all your senses' banner at the bottom really ties that screenshot together perfectly

feeling super uncomfortable about my relation to my current best friend. we've stood each other so close for 7 months now and we've always been 100% sure about what we've been to each other which has been really comfortable. though lately I've begun questioning what I really feel about this relation. I'm noticing some feelings but I'm not sure if they are "feelings". I'm not really sure what I'm feeling but I do believe there's some attraction going on. this is absolutely unacceptable to me and I've tried denying this for weeks, I've told myself that it's not like that but now I'm not so sure anymore. I don't want more, I don't want anything more than what we already have, but it just becomes so uncomfortable when there's something lurking underneath the surface. it doesn't help that I've noticed that she has sorta changed her attitude as well, having become a lot more careful around me. from day 1 we've always been comfortable about sharing bed when I've slept over but lately that too has changed. went from sleeping in underwear to suddenly wearing clothes, and last night when I was staying over she said this was the last time I was allowed to ever sleep over again so I ended up on the couch. she did say she slept best alone so I'm going to respect that, but I can't help but feel that there's something else since this has never been an issue in the past. I really don't know what to do about this. I don't want to feel anything for her, she has always been like a sister to me. I kinda suspect the feeling is mutual since I have noticed she has become more uncomfortable about stuff that might be considered "relationship" or "dating" kinda things. we could easily go out and have a dinner for two even though it feels kinda wrong, but we were 100% sure about where we stood to each other. this just doesn't work anymore it seems.

[QUOTE=srobins;50260908]"you're pathetic scum and a failure in all aspects / you can't even do what you want to do" Whoa nelly, what an awful person lol. At least you can always look back on this screenshot whenever you're feeling down about yourself and think "hey, at least I'm not this stupid cunt". [/QUOTE] been really tempted to frame it honestly, something to cheer me up when im down and go "at least i wasnt as low as this"

Seems like everything I do just ends up hurting my ex-girlfriend even more, making me feel like the world's biggest asshole time and time again. And on top of that I might fail a crucial class for my major and have to take it again. Neat.

need date movie ideas we're both film buffs halp [editline]5th May 2016[/editline] oh shit, I know - Fargo. Duh. It's the ultimate romance.

Mini-vent incoming I had an experience with a girl this past week that really put some of my insecurities into a more digestable perspective. It's weird, but I've never been able to look at the objective reasons why I feel the way I do in uncomfortable situations. I can in retrospect, but when I'm in the moment, I'm overwhelmed with anxiety and lose all ability to express myself properly. I don't know the specific reason why, but it's been a consistent thing in most of my social interactions. I don't know how to fix it yet but at least I can experiment a bit in my future interactions and see what works I feel like shit, but overall I'm much more optimistic and actually look forward to speaking to people from now on For those who've gone through this, any suggestions?

[QUOTE=blerb;50265460]Mini-vent incoming I had an experience with a girl this past week that really put some of my insecurities into a more digestable perspective. It's weird, but I've never been able to look at the objective reasons why I feel the way I do in uncomfortable situations. I can in retrospect, but when I'm in the moment, I'm overwhelmed with anxiety and lose all ability to express myself properly. I don't know the specific reason why, but it's been a consistent thing in most of my social interactions. I don't know how to fix it yet but at least I can experiment a bit in my future interactions and see what works I feel like shit, but overall I'm much more optimistic and actually look forward to speaking to people from now on For those who've gone through this, any suggestions?[/QUOTE] it would help if you weren't 100% vague

Part of the reason people tend to get anxious in social situations is because they're going into those interactions hoping for validation. People who already have close relationships with friends/family are generally already getting external validation from those relationships and aren't staking their self-worth on every social interaction they have - if you have people in your life who know you well and love you/support you, one negative interaction with someone who doesn't know you well isn't going to affect you as much. It is normal to worry about how other people view you - to an extent, it is healthy. A need for social acceptance is something hardwired into us from times when social acceptance was vital to our survival. Validate that emotion. Recognize when you're being uncomfortable and allow it, but realize that it doesn't have to control your behavior. Often just paying attention to a negative thought and accepting you have it is enough to disarm that thought. Everyone gets rejected and not everyone is going to be compatible with you in conversation. Just because one person doesn't laugh at your jokes doesn't mean they aren't awesome jokes.

[QUOTE=Sector 7;50264671]need date movie ideas we're both film buffs halp [editline]5th May 2016[/editline] oh shit, I know - Fargo. Duh. It's the ultimate romance.[/QUOTE] punch-drunk love

[QUOTE=PredGD;50262959]feeling super uncomfortable about my relation to my current best friend. we've stood each other so close for 7 months now and we've always been 100% sure about what we've been to each other which has been really comfortable. though lately I've begun questioning what I really feel about this relation. I'm noticing some feelings but I'm not sure if they are "feelings". I'm not really sure what I'm feeling but I do believe there's some attraction going on. this is absolutely unacceptable to me and I've tried denying this for weeks, I've told myself that it's not like that but now I'm not so sure anymore. I don't want more, I don't want anything more than what we already have, but it just becomes so uncomfortable when there's something lurking underneath the surface. it doesn't help that I've noticed that she has sorta changed her attitude as well, having become a lot more careful around me. from day 1 we've always been comfortable about sharing bed when I've slept over but lately that too has changed. went from sleeping in underwear to suddenly wearing clothes, and last night when I was staying over she said this was the last time I was allowed to ever sleep over again so I ended up on the couch. she did say she slept best alone so I'm going to respect that, but I can't help but feel that there's something else since this has never been an issue in the past. I really don't know what to do about this. I don't want to feel anything for her, she has always been like a sister to me. I kinda suspect the feeling is mutual since I have noticed she has become more uncomfortable about stuff that might be considered "relationship" or "dating" kinda things. we could easily go out and have a dinner for two even though it feels kinda wrong, but we were 100% sure about where we stood to each other. this just doesn't work anymore it seems.[/QUOTE] It might be best to just talk to her about it, as hard as it'll be. Otherwise things might keep deteriorating until its too late. Judging by what you've said she might already suspect what you're feeling already and sense your discomfort around her.

[QUOTE=Sector 7;50264671]need date movie ideas we're both film buffs halp [editline]5th May 2016[/editline] oh shit, I know - Fargo. Duh. It's the ultimate romance.[/QUOTE] Starship troopers, the perfect rom-com

Oldboy (the original). Totally cute romantic movie.

Hello everybody. I have a story that I need some sort of reaction to. I have never told this story to anyone (I'm not much of the "express your feelings" kind of guy) and it's always been something that has been on my mind. This is kind of a long story so please bear with me. To start off let's go back about 5 years, I was just starting high school. At the time, I was not the person I wanted to be. I was not interested in school and did not have much of a social life. Add on to this the fact that I was dealing with the worst bouts of depression and low self esteem that I have ever had in my entire life. Alright so the first day ends I get on the bus and then this girl sits in the seat across from me. We both lock into direct eye contact and I experience a sensation I've never felt before, even up to this very day. This wasn't the usual "damn she's hot" kind of feeling. This was something else. I felt this strong rush burst throughout my entire body starting from my gut that reached out to the tips of my limbs. In that one moment when we were looking at each other every problem that I was dealing with was gone. I no longer felt sad or lonely. I had no depression or social anxiety. In that 2 second of a moment I was the person I wanted to be. This feeling would then occur every time that I saw her or anything that remotely reminded me of her. Even the simple act of thinking about her would cause this sensation. As well as this, if she ever sat close to me on the bus or in class I became a changed person with my friends. I wasn't timid and quiet. I became loud and confident in what I was saying. Now, flash ahead six months, all of this is still going on, and I am forced to leave my high school and attend online school because I can't break away from the "extracurricular activities" of high school and my grades are complete shit. About a month in I decide to send this girl a message on Facebook. Now, I had had a couple opportunities during high school when I could have asked her out. But I just wasn't ready as a person to be in a relationship at that time. I figured "if I can't take care of my self how am I going to take care for another person". So I send her a message telling her everything, this rush feeling, how I didn't really know what was going on, how I couldn't stop thinking of her etc. And I offered to meet up if she wanted to and I gave her my number and told her to call me. I ended up not receiving any response from her, as I was expecting. Now, flash forward to present day I am now moved across the country, I do not have these "rush" feelings any more but she has still been in my head all these years. It's almost like she has had such an effect on my life that she is ingrained into my being. As well, whenever I see a girl now that I am attracted to I find myself comparing them to her. I don't know what I want to accomplish from posting this. I suppose I would simply like to know someone's opinion on this? I just want to make it clear I am not obsessed with this girl. I am not planning on trying to talk with her or anything it's just something that's been on my mind and I felt a need to tell someone and get it out of my system. Sorry for the length of the story and thank you for taking the time to read it and letting me vent. :smile:

You knew absolutely nothing about her other than what she looked like. Your feelings toward her have NOTHING to do with her as a person - they have to do with you and the narrative you have created for a complete stranger. There is a lot of stuff that happens between meeting someone and starting a relationship with someone. You knew absolutely nothing about this girl - do you really want a romantic relationship based entirely on physical appearance? We have Tinder for that. You can't do anything about your situation with now, but at this point you should focus on just talking to people. That "rush" you're getting is over a fantasy that isn't real and you're disappointed because the people you're meeting aren't fitting into the very specific imaginary character you've created from the appearance of this one girl. Whoever you're still infatuated with is not a real person. You are not going to meet someone in real life that fits into that gap. But just talk to people, without planning your wedding vows and the names of your children beforehand. Talk to them without any expectations of what you'll be to each other and just be in the moment. Connecting to someone does not mean you're in a relationship, it doesn't mean you're friends, and it doesn't mean you'll even see each other again after the conversation ends. The people who will have the biggest effect on you aren't the ones you could have dreamed up, they're the ones who give you something new to think about. Real people can be more diverse, surprising, and interesting than anything you could dream up.

Idealizing someone is a terrible mistake. You put a pressure on the other person by having absolutely unrelistic expectations about them, and you only set yourself up for disappointment and the feelings you are experiencing right now. Movie love only lives in the movies.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50265553]Part of the reason people tend to get anxious in social situations is because they're going into those interactions hoping for validation. People who already have close relationships with friends/family are generally already getting external validation from those relationships and aren't staking their self-worth on every social interaction they have - if you have people in your life who know you well and love you/support you, one negative interaction with someone who doesn't know you well isn't going to affect you as much.[/QUOTE] Serious question - can you get this validation without other people, or can the need to attain it be overcome in other ways? My life is in a really shitty situation and I don't really get much social validation from anybody except the people I work with, and all my interactions with them are as you described - super anxious and uncomfortable because they're the only people I see regularly. You know, as I'm writing this it occurs to me maybe I should try spending some time on myself to overcome the low self-esteem and depression before I start worrying this far ahead.

[QUOTE=Strike 86;50269339]Serious question - can you get this validation without other people, or can the need to attain it be overcome in other ways? My life is in a really shitty situation and I don't really get much social validation from anybody except the people I work with, and all my interactions with them are as you described - super anxious and uncomfortable because they're the only people I see regularly. You know, as I'm writing this it occurs to me maybe I should try spending some time on myself to overcome the low self-esteem and depression before I start worrying this far ahead.[/QUOTE] Everyone's different and there are a variety of factors in self-esteem, so I can't really say it's mandatory to have close relationships in order to have high self-esteem, but for most people it helps. When you have close friends or family members who support you, it provides a positive baseline for how you perceive your social standing - if you already have close relationships with people who know you, the opinions of strangers will have less weight in how likeable you consider yourself. The main goal of counseling is to create a safe, supportive, and nonjudgmental space for a client to grow. I would strongly recommend seeing a counselor about these issues - aside from providing advice for dealing with the things you're unhappy with, they can offer you some support. Sometimes all we really need is someone to tell us we're not as messed up as we think we are. Furthermore, it's worth mentioning that depression and other mental disorders are incredibly common. I don't have the statistics for your country memorized, but 1 in 10 Americans suffer from depression and over 1 in 4 have a mental disorder. Your difficulties are more common than you might think - we tend to compare our own worst to everyone else's best. Don't let it stop you from trying to talk to new people. You won't get along with everyone, but I'm sure if you look hard enough, you might find people with similar difficulties who you can relate to.

[QUOTE=MrCanada;50267490]So I send her a message telling her everything, this rush feeling, how I didn't really know what was going on, how I couldn't stop thinking of her etc. And I offered to meet up if she wanted to and I gave her my number and told her to call me. I ended up not receiving any response from her, as I was expecting. [/QUOTE] Yeah never do that to someone you don't know and who doesn't know you.

[QUOTE=Darth Ninja;50266111]It might be best to just talk to her about it, as hard as it'll be. Otherwise things might keep deteriorating until its too late. Judging by what you've said she might already suspect what you're feeling already and sense your discomfort around her.[/QUOTE] I agree but at the same time I don't really know "enough" to really feel sure either. I don't really miss her, I don't really find her that attractive in that way, there's some pretty vital stuff missing from this "attraction". I suspect I've gotten so stuck with the thought that me denying something that never really was there feels true since I've tried to deny it so hard? I really don't know. I've spent the past few months with only her too which probably just adds to the confusion. don't really have that many around me and I managed to lose a decent chunk over a short time not too long ago so I've been "stuck" with only her. today I was with her and two others and suddenly I feel more comfortable around her again, odd thing. I think I might just be really confused since I've spent so much time with her lately and blown it up a little by denying it as hard as I have

So there's this girl I've been kinda crushing on all semester. She is (was, semester is all but over) in a few of my classes and we became somewhat close and hung out a bit. I did some nice things to kinda get her attention like buying her fav candy on Valentine's day. The problem was that she never really texted back and didn't seem interested in my lunch date offers (too busy w school, etc.), which is fine. I wised up and moved on. However today after we take an exam and I've gone home, she randomly FaceTimes me and asks if I want to go Mother's Day shopping with her. That happens, it's fun, and now I'm confused. Is she playing hard to get? Am I being dumb? I feel like I'm reading into it and there's really nothing there, but I need some other perspective on this.