Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=dnqboy;50272754]So there's this girl I've been kinda crushing on all semester. She is (was, semester is all but over) in a few of my classes and we became somewhat close and hung out a bit. I did some nice things to kinda get her attention like buying her fav candy on Valentine's day. The problem was that she never really texted back and didn't seem interested in my lunch date offers (too busy w school, etc.), which is fine. I wised up and moved on. However today after we take an exam and I've gone home, she randomly FaceTimes me and asks if I want to go Mother's Day shopping with her. That happens, it's fun, and now I'm confused. Is she playing hard to get? Am I being dumb? I feel like I'm reading into it and there's really nothing there, but I need some other perspective on this.[/QUOTE] I think you're just overthinking the entire situation. We've established that she likes you as a friend seeing as you've hung out and she's invited you out on her own accord, figuring out whether she likes you romantically really depends on how you guys interact when you're together. I feel like usually it's pretty obvious once you're hanging out, but you could try being a little bit more flirty and see how she responds if you're on the fence.

Today I realized I can't relate or have a meaningful conversation with people of my age or younger than me. I do manteinance for the surveilance system at work, but most of the time I help at the front desk of the reception with 4 women older than me (30+, the oldest one almost 60yo about to retire) and a 24 yo girl that I really like (4 years younger than me). She's smart, open and often she asks me to go with her when we get out of work. She also wants to take me to go shopping with the pretense that she 'doesn't know her way around and doesn't want to go alone' (which is BS I think, since she definitely goes to more parties than I've ever been, she goes out with her friends often, and the fact that she's also a [B]divorced woman with 2 kids[/B] should also be a red flag). The thing is, every time we 'hang out' I can't find a topic to talk about. We often stand or sit next to each other on the commute in awkward silence, not even talking about the weather would help break the ice, and that's where my anxiety really kicks in. Eventually she'll tell me about something that happen with one of her friends I know nothing about, after which I just nod and give a couple of 'oh', 'ah' and 'ok' back to her. Now, this doesn't happen with my other coworker who's 33 (5 years older), married, with a baby girl. We could talk about anything, and I don't feel the awkwardness I feel when I'm with the other girl. Same happens with the rest, but I think it happens because the old hags are really, really chatty. This is consistent with everyone I meet who's about or below my age. I often get to the point I cant relate with anything a younger person says: like having a facebook page (don't have one) and reading stupid posts/arguments/chains, how's college doing(I'm not going to college), what kind of music he/she likes (haven't met a single soul who likes trance music yet), what clubs do I like to hang out or what brand of beer do I like (guess what...), etc. With older people I can make a longful conversation about small things, like talking about how soft are the fucking cushions we're sitting on while we're on the train, maybe the kind of crap I have to put up when I'm attending to the public, or I can comment on a crazy story I read in a tweet five minutes ago. I truly feel too old for my age. I don't know why I can't be this dynamic with the young. Is this just normal social anxiety? Should I see a shrink?

so I posted a while back about this, that friend of mine who we confessed our feelings to each other and we kissed a bit and she told me a week later she didn't feel she could commit to a relationship but that I was her perfect guy and she can't imagine a life without me this whole things kinda fucked me up I've spent a long time feeling this way about her and to know that they're reciprocated in some regard only to be locked off has been breaking me I still really want to be her friend because I do like her an awful lot just as a human being, but I'm having trouble thinking of her normally a part of me wants to ask her if we can try just casually, slow and small and see if that makes her more comfortable since it's specfically long term serious commitment that scares her

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50273472]Step one would be get a Facebook. Thats the new "next step of friendship" for people now. It goes from a chat > add on facebook > next stage of friendship[/QUOTE] Quite frankly, I always thought of it as a waste of time, mostly because I don't really have anything interesting to post on it. (There are other reasons but I don't want to sound like a fedora guy) I mean I could post memes but I only have a folder of memes in english. Maybe I'll make one later just to keep myself in touch with the rest of my family, but I don't know.

Don't post memes on Facebook.

Wanna know where your girl and you should go.... join my rust server called MERCENARYRUST its modded and inm spending alot of money on it and would like you and your friends to join [editline]7th May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Zoran;50207921]How can I get myself out there more, guys? I'm one of those people who can't really get into a group and feel as comfortable/thought about as other people in said group. I'm not sure if it's because I seem like the type of person who doesn't like to be approached or if it's just a mental thing, but I just really wish I could feel comfortable even getting involved in conversations in a group environment without feeling burdensome.[/QUOTE] I felt this way once.......... but what i did was just go to one of the people when they are on there own and just say hi to them and start conversation with one. Then once became this persons friend join in the discussion that he is having with his/her itger friends... the more you do something the more natural it feels [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Signed up just to advertise." - Pascall))[/highlight]

[QUOTE=Pascall;50276003]Don't post memes on Facebook.[/QUOTE] Don't do what I do and become a meme page admin :v:

Keep in mind that by completely disregarding social media, you're eliminating a very large avenue for interaction with people you know or want to know. It also helps with networking in various industries and for just finding social events to go to and check out. Some people can go without social media because they generally have a very active social life to begin with. They don't really need the assistance, but for those who don't, social media can definitely help. People who consider it to be 'shallow' or anything like that typically are the sorts of people who have never been able to utilize it properly - i.e., a hell of a lot of old people who don't actually know how social media works. You can do plenty of things on places like Facebook, Twitter, etc. You just have to know how to use it and what to use it for.

So, been feeling odd for some days now; awkward and as if I was a bit of a burden, yet I know it isn't the case, that it is all in my head, and that I should relax and enjoy rather than being awkward about it, but bad experiences from 8 years ago come to annoy me when they shouldn't. I worry too much about making people I'm comfortable with uncomfortable, and end up being uncomfortable myself, and I have to remind me that I should relax.

Be aware that most companies now a days searches on Facebook, Twitter and whatnot to see what kind of person you are (or who/how your friends are), so don't be posting everything there or you'll be risking a possible future job. Fucked up but its true.

Speaking about Facebook, there's a girl I've known since grade school, but never really spoken much too. About a year a go I met her at a firm party. We had a little talk and she seemed shy but very nice. I haven't spoken with her since, except for casual "hi" if I happen to meet her at my job (I work at a grocery store). The thing is, she is currently studying in England, but summer is here soon and we live very close. I often go for jogs/walks in a park close to where we live. I'm thinking asking her if she want to join, maybe ask her out after. I'm not sure I feel about approaching her, It feels weird suddenly asking her out.

Get to know her better before you go asking her out for a date, or at least don't make it look so obvious that it's a date. Asking her out for a jog is not a bad way to start, but don't force her on it.

Here's some life advice for you guys: if you ever become a widow/widower then don't start dating again right away no matter how fine you feel. I lost my wife last month due to a stroke, and I felt okay and at peace with it at the time, so I started talking to a girl. We went out on a few dates, had fun, but then grief hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere and really killed that relationship. Just give yourself time, you will need it.

So I kinda went out with this girl, not sure if it was actually a date but I think it played out like one. She left her shoes in my car though so I think that's a good sign.

[QUOTE=Sanjuaro;50278519]Here's some life advice for you guys: if you ever become a widow/widower then don't start dating again right away no matter how fine you feel. I lost my wife last month due to a stroke, and I felt okay and at peace with it at the time, so I started talking to a girl. We went out on a few dates, had fun, but then grief hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere and really killed that relationship. Just give yourself time, you will need it.[/QUOTE] Really sorry to hear that man. Hope you're able to get through the day. I think the lesson goes that if you're going through any sort of emotional shit you need to give yourself time to move on properly before starting anything emotional again. I literally never follow this advice and my life is a fucking shitshow for it

Ok, so I really had it with my girlfriend's ex boyfriend and I'm really really keeping myself from intervening. She's been talking to me, expressing her concern with the guy because, after a year and a half he just doesn't seem to fuck off and go away. I'm not concerned about his presence. I'd be a hypocrite if that was the case because I still keep in touch with my first ex, and I say that we have an really great friendship, and my girlfriend knows this and she's pretty much ok with it. So far so good. The thing is, this guy keeps asking her for coffee. Every excuse is an excuse to ask her out for coffee, to chat. And whenever she tells him she can't because she's swamped with work, the guy just takes it serious and personally and starts making really inappropriate comments. Most of them concerning her sexuality, her sexual performance, demeaning her sexual anatomy in the dirtiest way. And he knows me and her are together, and although she hasn't been answering him, he's been really persistent. She hasn't blocked him on facebook yet and he has her number and even though she ignores him, she can read what he says. And it really makes my blood boil because he just goes too far. Last week he had a wedding in her city and invited her for coffee. Since he's been an idiot with her constant harassment, she stopped answering. So he texted her "Why aren't you answering me, big ass. What the hell did I ever do to you". (And he keeps asking her frequently, making remarks about her ass, her sexuality, etc etc, things that would make me want to punch him in the face if he ever said that in front of me). I keep telling her she's giving him too much power and too much business in her life. He's childish as fuck and I don't know what to do. She hasn't blocked him on facebook yet, but I don't want to pressure her into taking measures out of my own frustration. But I just don't know what to do. She came over on my birthday and we went for a hike for a couple of hours and her phone just didn't stop ringing the whole time. It was him all the time. So fucking annoying. And she couldn't just turn it off because she came over during the week and skipped some classes to be with me and had to keep in touch with people. How do I deal with this guy? Should I intervene? He's been all over her and she's been shutting him down in every front. But the more she shuts him down the more he harasses her. I told her that she should just tell her something like "Look, I'm tired of your harassment, just leave me alone and don't ever talk to me again". But she says that it will encourage him even further. It's starting to piss me off, because we've been finding ourselves talking about him more than we'd like lately. Should I get involved at this point?

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50286674] Should I get involved at this point?[/QUOTE] Have a four-eye talk with him, other than that, idk, i suck at giving advices.

If she hasn't willingly cut him out of her life, I'm not sure what else there is to do. Apart from actually reporting him to the police for sexual harassment, a lot of the responsibility may lay on your girlfriend. She's providing him avenues to harrass her by not taking measures against it, i.e. blocking him on all social media, blocking his number on her phone, etc. If it's not an option on her phone itself, she can call her phone provider and figure out a way to block his number. If there ever seems a point where it's going too far, I would definitely get in contact with police, if they can do something about it. I wouldn't wait until he's actively seeking ways to hurt you or her.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50286823]If she hasn't willingly cut him out of her life, I'm not sure what else there is to do. Apart from actually reporting him to the police for sexual harassment, a lot of the responsibility may lay on your girlfriend. She's providing him avenues to harrass her by not taking measures against it, i.e. blocking him on all social media, blocking his number on her phone, etc. If it's not an option on her phone itself, she can call her phone provider and figure out a way to block his number. If there ever seems a point where it's going too far, I would definitely get in contact with police, if they can do something about it. I wouldn't wait until he's actively seeking ways to hurt you or her.[/QUOTE] He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would stalk her. I think he already did all the harm he could do when they broke up. However she has this problem with everyone. She's too open with everyone, too nice, too welcoming. And this usually means she also invites the wrong, nosy people in her life. Toxic people that end up knowing too much about her personal life, and affecting her emotionally, but she's too kind to just let them go. Too afraid of breaking up the diplomacy in doing so. I mean, she just has a lot of people added on her facebook. People that aren't that relevant to her except at a professional level. And I'm talking about teachers, professors, her parent's friends. And her main problem is that everyone just seems to have an opinion about her life. I already told her that she's still keeping her avenues wide open for him( and for other toxic people). Because even though she's no longer answering, he's getting through all the same. Obviously I want to help. And it pisses me off. And I feel like I already told her everything there is to tell and I don't like to push it further because I also want to give her space to realize things by herself instead of emotionally blackmailing her into making a decision she's not comfortable with yet. I mean, how can I demand her to block him when I took so much time to find the courage to do so with my ex? (I only blocked her last week on my birthday and I still had her on my friends until a month ago). I don't want to intervene directly either unless there's no other option. I hate conflict, it makes me sick. And he might as well make fun of me too and I end up even more frustrated. Even confronting him or texting him may even do more harm than good, I'm afraid. It can work if he's reasonable, but it can also give him the ego boost he needs from knowing he's destabilizing our relationship. I don't want to give him that power. However, I told her that she should send a clear message of "Fuck off", and them shutting him off for good, but I feel like she's too afraid to do so yet. I feel that there's a tiny fraction that doesn't want to let him go because deep down she desired a reality where they stay friends. I complained about this in a previous post, and she has been taking better measures to protect herself. But they're still insufficient. And it's still reaching her, and I don't think she deserves it because she's the greatest girl I've ever met.

Saying sexual things to her through text message can be just as much sexual harassment as stalking though. That's the kind of things I mean. The stuff that you say he's saying to her isn't okay by any means just because it's not an actual physical thing he's doing.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50286674]Ok, so I really had it with my girlfriend's ex boyfriend and I'm really really keeping myself from intervening. She's been talking to me, expressing her concern with the guy because, after a year and a half he just doesn't seem to fuck off and go away. I'm not concerned about his presence. I'd be a hypocrite if that was the case because I still keep in touch with my first ex, and I say that we have an really great friendship, and my girlfriend knows this and she's pretty much ok with it. So far so good. The thing is, this guy keeps asking her for coffee. Every excuse is an excuse to ask her out for coffee, to chat. And whenever she tells him she can't because she's swamped with work, the guy just takes it serious and personally and starts making really inappropriate comments. Most of them concerning her sexuality, her sexual performance, demeaning her sexual anatomy in the dirtiest way. And he knows me and her are together, and although she hasn't been answering him, he's been really persistent. [B]She blocked him on facebook[/B] but he has her number and even though she ignores him, she can read what he says. And it really makes my blood boil because he just goes too far. Last week he had a wedding in her city and invited her for coffee. Since he's been an idiot with her constant harassment, she stopped answering. So he texted her "Why aren't you answering me, big ass. What the hell did I ever do to you". (And he keeps asking her frequently, making remarks about her ass, her sexuality, etc etc, things that would make me want to punch him in the face if he ever said that in front of me). I keep telling her she's giving him too much power and too much business in her life. He's childish as fuck and I don't know what to do. [B]She hasn't blocked him on facebook[/B] yet, but I don't want to pressure her into taking measures out of my own frustration. But I just don't know what to do. She came over on my birthday and we went for a hike for a couple of hours and her phone just didn't stop ringing the whole time. It was him all the time. So fucking annoying. And she couldn't just turn it off because she came over during the week and skipped some classes to be with me and had to keep in touch with people. How do I deal with this guy? Should I intervene? He's been all over her and she's been shutting him down in every front. But the more she shuts him down the more he harasses her. I told her that she should just tell her something like "Look, I'm tired of your harassment, just leave me alone and don't ever talk to me again". But she says that it will encourage him even further. It's starting to piss me off, because we've been finding ourselves talking about him more than we'd like lately. Should I get involved at this point?[/QUOTE] So wait, which is it? Honestly the first step here should be to have your girlfriend do everything she can to shut the guy out. If she hasn't already blocked him on her phone and on Facebook, she needs to do it. She should have already told him to fuck off (in no uncertain terms, not "I can't talk right now" but literally "fuck off cunt" so it's obvious she doesn't want anything to do with him). If your girlfriend does all that and he's still at her, then I'd say you're in line to intervene. If your girlfriend [I]doesn't[/I] tell him to fuck off and block/ignore him in every way possible, you need to address the fact that your girlfriend is allowing him to harass her and stay present in her life.. But once she's done everything she can to cut him out and he still shows up, imo you need to go deal with him yourself. [editline]9th May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50286950]I feel that there's a tiny fraction that doesn't want to let him go because deep down she desired a reality where they stay friends.[/QUOTE] Which I think is completely ridiculous, personally. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where my girlfriend is constantly texting her abusive ex while he tries every way he can to wear her down and take her out. This is as much a problem with your girlfriend as it is her ex.

If she's not responding to any of his messages anymore, provided that she does not reply to ANYTHING from this point forward, he will gradually let go. It's super important that she does not send him a single message back from this point on - if she responds to him after 20 texts, she is saying that it takes 20 texts to get a reply from her and he will message her even more.

[QUOTE=Firecat;50288493]I don't understand why guys get like that. Don't you kinda step back and look at how pathetic it is for you to be messaging a girl so much? Especially when shes not interested at all, I would just figured that someone would get a hint. Don't even get me started on the guys I see that don't get a reply or get turned down, and proceed to insult the girl. So confusing[/QUOTE] [url]https://www.reddit.com/r/cringepics[/url] A whole subreddit that is nearly dedicated to such chats, there are a few good reads but i just can't figure out how people can sink that low when it gets to trying to chit chat or hook up with a girl

[QUOTE=Firecat;50288493]I don't understand why guys get like that. Don't you kinda step back and look at how pathetic it is for you to be messaging a girl so much? Especially when shes not interested at all, I would just figured that someone would get a hint. Don't even get me started on the guys I see that don't get a reply or get turned down, and proceed to insult the girl. So confusing[/QUOTE] One of my friends (who isn't an awkward, anti-social recluse, and actually very intelligent) has ended up doing this because he really can't help himself. He knows it's weird and pathetic, he tries not to, but he still does it. I'd probably judge him pretty hard if I didn't know him (and the whole (well, half) situation). It's starting to get better, though, which is really about time.

[QUOTE=srobins;50288280]So wait, which is it? Honestly the first step here should be to have your girlfriend do everything she can to shut the guy out. If she hasn't already blocked him on her phone and on Facebook, she needs to do it. She should have already told him to fuck off (in no uncertain terms, not "I can't talk right now" but literally "fuck off cunt" so it's obvious she doesn't want anything to do with him). If your girlfriend does all that and he's still at her, then I'd say you're in line to intervene. If your girlfriend [I]doesn't[/I] tell him to fuck off and block/ignore him in every way possible, you need to address the fact that your girlfriend is allowing him to harass her and stay present in her life.. But once she's done everything she can to cut him out and he still shows up, imo you need to go deal with him yourself. [editline]9th May 2016[/editline] Which I think is completely ridiculous, personally. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where my girlfriend is constantly texting her abusive ex while he tries every way he can to wear her down and take her out. This is as much a problem with your girlfriend as it is her ex.[/QUOTE] Thanks, it was a typo, I meant to say that "she hasn't blocked him yet". Just repeated both phrases. (I was typing that during my lunch break, so I had to hurry. Thanks. [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50288329]If she's not responding to any of his messages anymore, provided that she does not reply to ANYTHING from this point forward, he will gradually let go. It's super important that she does not send him a single message back from this point on - if she responds to him after 20 texts, she is saying that it takes 20 texts to get a reply from her and he will message her even more.[/QUOTE] I told her to just make a brief response making it clear that his behavior is disgusting and inappropriate and that she doesn't have anything to say to him anymore and just shut him down after that and don't ever respond again. But she hasn't done so yet. She told me that she isn't responding anymore. And according to her, the guy hasn't contacted her yet since May the 4th.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;50288841]One of my friends (who isn't an awkward, anti-social recluse, and actually very intelligent) has ended up doing this because he really can't help himself. He knows it's weird and pathetic, he tries not to, but he still does it. I'd probably judge him pretty hard if I didn't know him (and the whole (well, half) situation). It's starting to get better, though, which is really about time.[/QUOTE] Sounds like a impulsive/spontaneous kind of guy, which I can relate to since I'm the same. What I did to stop myself from texting the last girl I met with after she thought we didn't click was just delete her contact and wipe the conversation history from my phone right after to stop myself from doing anything I'd regret in the future. I mean, there was no need to keep it in there anyway since we're most likely never going to meet again, but still. But now her profile popped on the list of suggested people I may know on facebook because she went to the same school as one of my buddies arghhh

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50289056]I told her to just make a brief response making it clear that his behavior is disgusting and inappropriate and that she doesn't have anything to say to him anymore and just shut him down after that and don't ever respond again.[/QUOTE] No. Bad idea. You may think this will help but it will only encourage him to continue. He's not looking for her approval, he's looking for her attention, and any sort of response is just giving him what he wants. If he hasn't talked to her in 5 days then that's promising. Don't encourage her to message him again regardless of the circumstances.

no response is the best response.. last time I hit my ex up like that (I've realized how silly this is, yet I fell into the trap of occasionally back tracking and feeling like it was a good idea to do so a few times here and there) I really hoped she actually wouldn't respond, thankfully she didn't. I actually realized how silly it was to be sending yet another message, but I accidentally managed to hit send instead of delete after typing it out... instantly felt like a right twat for it, wanted to crawl into a hole and die, so i'm actually glad she didn't send a response back because in a way, I think that would have been more painful to be honest, a response is like an unintentional lead on, even if you're very specific about not wanting contact, it tricks the emotional brain of those who held a strong attachment into knowing it can get some validation from that person again, in some way or another. so really, responding just perpetuates the cycle and causes more pain, not to mention the responses themselves can be painful to read,

Being in love with your best friend is just all-around an extremely painful situation to be in. I can't cut off contact or anything, there's too much between us and it'd be flat-out betrayal. I can't really confess how I feel, I'd be risking creating a divide between us and it could hurt our friendship. Hurts even more considering I often get messages like this one: [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/FvKp3vd.png[/IMG] And they refuse to acknowledge its existence the next morning. There's a bizarre relationship-like quality to our friendship that really tears me apart. We're super intimate in basically every respect; we know everything about each others' lives, we cuddle, and we both share our feelings with each other way more than we do with anybody else. Which sounds great, and it is, but it's almost a tease, if you will. Like a love tease. I really don't see any way of resolving this situation other than waiting until we somehow fade out of each others' lives, but I can't see that happening any time soon. I'm just stuck in this painful limbo and I just don't know what to do.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;50290447]Being in love with your best friend is just all-around an extremely painful situation to be in. I can't cut off contact or anything, there's too much between us and it'd be flat-out betrayal. I can't really confess how I feel, I'd be risking creating a divide between us and it could hurt our friendship. Hurts even more considering I often get messages like this one: [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/FvKp3vd.png[/IMG] And they refuse to acknowledge its existence the next morning. There's a bizarre relationship-like quality to our friendship that really tears me apart. We're super intimate in basically every respect; we know everything about each others' lives, we cuddle, and we both share our feelings with each other way more than we do with anybody else. Which sounds great, and it is, but it's almost a tease, if you will. Like a love tease. I really don't see any way of resolving this situation other than waiting until we somehow fade out of each others' lives, but I can't see that happening any time soon. I'm just stuck in this painful limbo and I just don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] if you're stuck in a 'painful limbo' over it, and you're thinking you can only 'wait until we fade out of eachothers life', what harm would having a talk about it actually do? if you don't, it's only going to hurt until it eventually falls apart, if you do, it might fall apart, it might not... but you'll break that limbo and not just wait for inevitable distancing.