Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

If we stop being friends because of something I said, it'll probably hurt more than our friendship hurts now. I think. Otherwise, I'd agree with you.

Well, yeah, I'm not insane, I wouldn't go full sappy stalker monologue mode. I'm just really, really concerned that this is the kind of thing that would drive us apart. I don't really know if it's an irrational fear though. I have so much emotion tied up over this, I guess I really can't trust my gut instinct.

You can trust your gut, though. You're upset for a reason. I know that I would never want to be in a friendship that is basically the girl fulfilling her emotional needs through me and her other needs elsewhere. This is assuming I'm attracted to her, though. Personally, I think you should communicate how you feel to her, as RenegadeCop said. If you're ok being very physical friends with her and sharing that vulnerability, then that's fine. However, from the sound of it, you aren't. You're not obligated to fulfill her emotional needs at the expense of your own. It's unhealthy for both of you, and frankly, very manipulative of her to treat you that way.

You're assuming too much, there's nothing manipulative about it. From their perspective, it's just a very, very close friendship. But yes, I suppose I should communicate this. For better or for worse.

so I'm in this relationship with a six-foot-tall lesbian (literally Khal Drogo got her interested in men) and it's pretty great we were talking about gay archetypes the other day and apparently I'd be an otter if I was gay, which makes me feel sexy as hell for some reason

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;50290447]Being in love with your best friend is just all-around an extremely painful situation to be in. I can't cut off contact or anything, there's too much between us and it'd be flat-out betrayal. I can't really confess how I feel, I'd be risking creating a divide between us and it could hurt our friendship. Hurts even more considering I often get messages like this one: [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/FvKp3vd.png[/IMG] And they refuse to acknowledge its existence the next morning. There's a bizarre relationship-like quality to our friendship that really tears me apart. We're super intimate in basically every respect; we know everything about each others' lives, we cuddle, and we both share our feelings with each other way more than we do with anybody else. Which sounds great, and it is, but it's almost a tease, if you will. Like a love tease. I really don't see any way of resolving this situation other than waiting until we somehow fade out of each others' lives, but I can't see that happening any time soon. I'm just stuck in this painful limbo and I just don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] I have exactly the same thing with my best friend. Everything you've written checks out with me. The only difference is that we don't get touchy. And I actually told her, nothing changed. She's a keeper, at least as a friend, so I would never cut ties with her. But it's still a really painful relationship for me. I mean, I'm trying, but it bothers me every single day anyway. It honestly sucks a lot, I can't even describe it in words.

[QUOTE=Kindlinho;50291131]I have exactly the same thing with my best friend. Everything you've written checks out with me. The only difference is that we don't get touchy. And I actually told her, nothing changed. She's a keeper, at least as a friend, so I would never cut ties with her. But it's still a really painful relationship for me. I mean, I'm trying, but it bothers me every single day anyway. It honestly sucks a lot, I can't even describe it in words.[/QUOTE] Well, if it changed nothing between you guys, it might at least be worth it to get it off my chest. Hmm.

Generally speaking, what will matter to her (if she's not interested in you in that way) is whether you seem able to move on. If you bring it up as a one-time thing and find out you misinterpreted it, it probably won't affect your relationship. If you were to bring it up repeatedly even after getting turned down, she would probably perceive that you aren't willing to just be friends and withdraw from you.

I wouldn't bring it up repeatedly, obviously. Why would you even do that? That's ridiculous.

Why even put yourself through that? No friendship is important enough to me that I'd be willing to feel pain (or any negative emotion) every time I consider my honest feelings toward them. I'd much rather explain how I feel in a concise way and go from there tbh. If it works out, dandy. If not, that's ok, life goes on.

This is a hell of a friendship, though. We've been through some shit together and we're super close, as I mentioned before.

[QUOTE=blerb;50291204]Why even put yourself through that? No friendship is important enough to me that I'd be willing to feel pain (or any negative emotion) every time I consider my honest feelings toward them. I'd much rather explain how I feel in a concise way and go from there tbh. If it works out, dandy. If not, that's ok, life goes on.[/QUOTE] In my case it's probably related to the fact I don't really have many friends, especially close ones and she's someone, whom I can trust completely and talk about everything. We've known each other for like 7 years too. Why should I get rid of someone like that? I actually tried breaking all contact after she turned me down and actively avoided her. Being away from her was worse than what I have now. In the end, she actually came back to me and we've gotten even closer than before the rejection. It's a fucking weird relationship. Yes, she knows about my feelings towards her and that they're still there after all this time. And yes, maybe she uses it to manipulate me sometimes, but she reciprocates everything eventually and she's very important to me. Despite all that it still feels like shit, I admit.

[QUOTE=Kindlinho;50291237]In my case it's probably related to the fact I don't really have many friends, especially close ones and she's someone, whom I can trust completely and talk about everything. We've known each other for like 7 years too. Why should I get rid of someone like that? [/QUOTE]Same, basically. I haven't invested my absolute trust in anybody else, and I don't have many people I can turn to.

this is where my life is, sorry for the bad quality. [img]http://i.imgur.com/2tjKUBE.jpg?1[/img] It seems like I'm less of a horrible fuck up when it comes to real life situations now. I don't if it's the first year of college that did me in or if it's just natural progression, but I don't have any of the old anxiety problems when it comes to speaking to people anymore. [QUOTE=AtomicSans;50290447]Being in love with your best friend is just all-around an extremely painful situation to be in. I can't cut off contact or anything, there's too much between us and it'd be flat-out betrayal. I can't really confess how I feel, I'd be risking creating a divide between us and it could hurt our friendship. Hurts even more considering I often get messages like this one: [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/FvKp3vd.png[/IMG] And they refuse to acknowledge its existence the next morning. There's a bizarre relationship-like quality to our friendship that really tears me apart. We're super intimate in basically every respect; we know everything about each others' lives, we cuddle, and we both share our feelings with each other way more than we do with anybody else. Which sounds great, and it is, but it's almost a tease, if you will. Like a love tease. I really don't see any way of resolving this situation other than waiting until we somehow fade out of each others' lives, but I can't see that happening any time soon. I'm just stuck in this painful limbo and I just don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] I'm bff status with a girl I've known for about two years now and we've shared a lot with each other and been through weird periods. There were a couple times when I started seeing her in a romantic light and it took me awhile to realize that's not what I wanted at all. She's one of the few people I can sit down and talk to for an extensive period of time without running out of things to talk about or becoming a bumbly fuck and it'd be kind of sad if I fucked that up. i think early on we talked about what kinds of people we're interested in and what we're after in a relationship so that helped a lot. you should take some time to talk to other people

[QUOTE=LaughingStock;50291392]this is where my life is, sorry for the bad quality. [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/2tjKUBE.jpg?1[/IMG] It seems like I'm less of a horrible fuck up when it comes to real life situations now. I don't if it's the first year of college that did me in or if it's just natural progression, but I don't have any of the old anxiety problems when it comes to speaking to people anymore. [B]I'm bff status with a girl I've known for about two years now and we've shared a lot with each other and been through weird periods. There were a couple times when I started seeing her in a romantic light and it took me awhile to realize that's not what I wanted at all. She's one of the few people I can sit down and talk to for an extensive period of time without running out of things to talk about or becoming a bumbly fuck and it'd be kind of sad if I fucked that up. i think early on we talked about what kinds of people we're interested in and what we're after in a relationship so that helped a lot. you should take some time to talk to other people[/B][/QUOTE] Curious, did you ever had a moment when things escalated? (kissing and so on), friend of mine once had the opinion that a guy and a girl hardly remain good friends through a long time and that at some point there [I]usually [/I]is physical contact that is beyond a friendly hug.

[QUOTE=Kindlinho;50291237]In my case it's probably related to the fact I don't really have many friends, especially close ones and she's someone, whom I can trust completely and talk about everything. We've known each other for like 7 years too. Why should I get rid of someone like that? I actually tried breaking all contact after she turned me down and actively avoided her. Being away from her was worse than what I have now. In the end, she actually came back to me and we've gotten even closer than before the rejection. It's a fucking weird relationship. Yes, she knows about my feelings towards her and that they're still there after all this time. And yes, maybe she uses it to manipulate me sometimes, but she reciprocates everything eventually and she's very important to me. Despite all that it still feels like shit, I admit.[/QUOTE] Funny story, the same thing happened to me. She was furious when I did it and found me somehow (Thanks mom), but that was like 3 years ago and, somehow, were even closer now. I'm still in love with her due to the fact how she is and the way she treats me. She never make me feel manipulated and she just straight out tells me if she feels like she is, we known each other for 8 Years. It's funny on how people say about college; you'll find your true friends there. Sadly, my burning curiosity if she feels the same to me is coming to a close, as soon I'm gonna express my feeling to her and, no matter how much is gonna hurt, I want her to truly tell me how she feels, so I can put it in it's proper place and move on. I just hope it doesn't make it awkward for us in the future.

Add me to the falling-for-your-best-friend club. It makes the relationship so weird. She's also my co-worker. We've worked together almost 2 years but only became friends like 8 months ago, and already she's possibly the best friend I've ever had. Plus she's told me that she's closer to me than she's been with anyone else. When we first started hanging out, she was the first one to initiate pretty much everything. First time we went somewhere outside of work, first time visiting my house, first time kissing, first time having sex... they were all her idea. So it seemed for a long time like she was way more interested in me than I was in her, which may have been the case. But over time I think the scales have tipped and I might be the one with the heavier feelings. The thing is, we've both expressed this idea, unrelated to our relationship, that dating a co-worker would be a bad idea. She has talked about finding another job, also unrelated to our relationship, so I've strongly considered asking if she wants to start "dating" if she does find another job. But it's like other people have said, I'm afraid it would ruin the dynamic of our friendship if I asked her about it so formally. These developing feelings didn't really hit home for me until a few days ago when she stayed over at my place and told me about a hook-up with her ex a couple weeks ago. I didn't like hearing about it, for a lot of reasons, and it really caught me by surprise that I was even bothered at all. But at one point she got defensive and said "You act like I [i]cheated[/i] on you or something." I know logically that I had no right to be upset, but I still kinda was. It probably wouldn't be so awkward if not for the fact that she and I have had sex several times, like once or twice a month for a while now. But since it has happened, I feel like we're at a kind of point of no return. There have just been so many ups and downs with it too. Some days she'll talk about moving in together or make jokes (I think) about getting married. Other days she'll say something like "If we had ever dated, I would have broken up with you by this point." But the idea of suggesting we make our relationship "official" still scares me quite a bit. Still a massive fear of rejection, and losing my best friend over it.

[QUOTE=darth-veger;50291618]Curious, did you ever had a moment when things escalated? (kissing and so on), friend of mine once had the opinion that a guy and a girl hardly remain good friends through a long time and that at some point there [I]usually [/I]is physical contact that is beyond a friendly hug.[/QUOTE] sometimes we hug and that's about it. i don't know how things will end up, but we're both interested in other people and we talk about our mishaps and progress a lot. she actually introduced me to one of her friends and we seem to have a mutual interest in each other so hopefully that goes somewhere.

I fell for my best friend twice and it became the two worst relationships of my life with the same person. The fact that she was my friend and that we were very intimate and close gave me the illusion that she was the best I could get (you can imagine how low my self esteem was to think such a thing). Most of you may remember this, but I pretty much couldn't muster the courage to get myself out of that mess because I thought that I would never find anyone as "good" as that. Turns out 3 months later I found someone even better thanks to just turning my life around and seeking the company of my friends more often. All this to say that it was a terrible toxic relationship in my case, but do I regret ever making things happen with a best friend? No. I acted according to how I felt and it felt right. You should always address and explore your feelings rather than suppress them. Don't be afraid to feel and to make people you're interested in know how you feel. No matter the consequences, I think it's the healthiest thing you should do. And you have all the right to do so. Now a few months after the breakup, that person that used to mean so much to me, doesn't mean a thing anymore. I shut her down completely and eventually found better friends. Friendships are always relative. Today's best friend may be tomorrow's indifference, and people you never heard of may be tomorrows life companions. You never know. So why not risk being honest with yourself at 100% without any fear of life's/social's random factors you can't control?

AtomicSans, to be honest, you have 2 options right now, one is telling her about it, there's like a very low chance of her not wanting to talk to you ever again, if there's any. And who knows, maybe she feels the same way. The other option is to just try as hard as possible to move on from the romantic interest ypu have on her. Meet other people, maybe get into dating, find something fun to do etc etc, you know what I mean. There ahould be no "wait for the friendship to fade", neither a "keep your distance with her" option. Do you really think you deserve to be in such a lose/lose situation for god knows how much time? Of course not, show yourself that you want yourself to be happy and control your own life.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50292562]I feel like falling for your best friend is just a symptom of wanting to date someone. Never a good reason to be in a relationship! You will be amazed how many platonic female friends you will make once you are in a relationship.[/QUOTE] The thing is is that it feels easy, you know the person for a long time, you both get along perfectly, you know everything (usually) about each other so why not take it a step further? Of course this fails frequently but i get where its coming from. Got this girl on school and she is gorgeous and quite some time she made me feel special to her since she doesn't mind if i hug her but she hates it when anyone else does it, if i had no girlfriend already i'd give it a shot but she is a lesbian so there is that :v:

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;50292426]AtomicSans, to be honest, you have 2 options right now, one is telling her about it, there's like a very low chance of her not wanting to talk to you ever again, if there's any. And who knows, maybe she feels the same way. The other option is to just try as hard as possible to move on from the romantic interest ypu have on her. Meet other people, maybe get into dating, find something fun to do etc etc, you know what I mean. There ahould be no "wait for the friendship to fade", neither a "keep your distance with her" option. Do you really think you deserve to be in such a lose/lose situation for god knows how much time? Of course not, show yourself that you want yourself to be happy and control your own life.[/QUOTE]I've been trying to move on for like two years. Unless anybody has any tips about doing that, I'm not sure I can. I might just tell them.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50292562]I feel like falling for your best friend is just a symptom of wanting to date someone. Never a good reason to be in a relationship! You will be amazed how many platonic female friends you will make once you are in a relationship.[/QUOTE] I follow a more fatalistic philosophy. Girlfriend or no girlfriend, you're fucked either way. It's never easy.

I think I have a crush on a TF2 server moderator....Who I've never met in person...What exactly should I do? This is the first time I've been attracted to someone. Ever. My IRL friends and brother used to literally joke that I'd die a virgin, not because nobody likes me, but because I don't get attracted in this way to anyone. Until now, anyway. The server owner has a facepunch account too, they run a fairly popular mod server. [URL="https://steamcommunity.com/groups/SlenderFortress"]I think you may know the server, actually.[/URL] I won't specify who it is, (in case they also have an account here) but I'm lost as to what I should do.

[QUOTE=Arbys Watcher;50293763]I won't specify who it is, (in case they also have an account here) but I'm lost as to what I should do.[/QUOTE] You don't necessarily have to do anything - it looks like your only option in this situation would be an online relationship, assuming the other person was even on board with that, and those are usually not worth pursuing outside of extreme circumstances. That said, if you haven't been attracted to anyone before, it might be worth seeing where it goes just so you gain some experience and perspective on relationships. Aside from that, give some thought to what it is that you find attractive about this person. Maybe your situation/relationship to this person is a factor in your attraction (for instance, if this person is female, maybe you're closer with her than any other women your age you know in person).

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50293876]You don't necessarily have to do anything - it looks like your only option in this situation would be an online relationship, assuming the other person was even on board with that, and those are usually not worth pursuing outside of extreme circumstances. That said, if you haven't been attracted to anyone before, it might be worth seeing where it goes just so you gain some experience and perspective on relationships. Aside from that, give some thought to what it is that you find attractive about this person. Maybe your situation/relationship to this person is a factor in your attraction (for instance, if this person is female, maybe you're closer with her than any other women your age you know in person).[/QUOTE] Ahehehehe...They're a boy. :pride: I know they're bi, so that's fine and dandy. As for what I find attractive about him, this person summed it up pretty well in the "Shit you'd like to confess" thread. [QUOTE=greeley;50291650]Their personality was just so attractive, they were hilarious, witty, confident and intelligent. Not to mention their voice sent shockwaves down my spine.[/QUOTE]

Falling for your best friend is the worst.

I suppose I'm on the falling for your best friend train too? I've been in super denial for a few weeks but eh fuck it, I'll accept it I guess? my mental well being is already taking a toll from being friends with her but at the same time there's no way in hell I'd want to take this further. I don't find her attractive physically and her kind of personality would completely destroy me if I were to get even closer to her. wouldn't mind some cuddling and that sort though, but man it would feel weird afterwards. I definitely agree with the "falling for best friend is symptom of wanting to date". this has never been an issue during our friendship, it only begun happening as soon as I lost every other romantic interest I had. as rude as it sounds, she is definitely the "backup romance" you could say? I'm confident that if I were to see another girl, my friend would be forgotten in a heartbeat (romantically at the very least). I think this attraction is just me trying to satisfy my own needs, wanting someone close.

I guess I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm usually the friend who gets fallen for and man. It's... pretty awkward when you don't reciprocate feelings.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50295864]I suppose I'm on the falling for your best friend train too? I've been in super denial for a few weeks but eh fuck it, I'll accept it I guess? my mental well being is already taking a toll from being friends with her but at the same time there's no way in hell I'd want to take this further. I don't find her attractive physically and her kind of personality would completely destroy me if I were to get even closer to her. wouldn't mind some cuddling and that sort though, but man it would feel weird afterwards. I definitely agree with the "falling for best friend is symptom of wanting to date". this has never been an issue during our friendship, it only begun happening as soon as I lost every other romantic interest I had. as rude as it sounds, she is definitely the "backup romance" you could say? I'm confident that if I were to see another girl, my friend would be forgotten in a heartbeat (romantically at the very least). I think this attraction is just me trying to satisfy my own needs, wanting someone close.[/QUOTE]How long have you known her?