Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

Ey Its been solved (to an extent, at least I know what to do now.) as much as I hate waiting, I guess I have to wait.

:snip:

this thread is just absolute kek material sjws mfw [editline]8th September 2015[/editline] you're actually a horrible person

you are an entire day late to the party

[QUOTE=PollytheParrot;48643659]this thread is just absolute kek material sjws mfw [editline]8th September 2015[/editline] you're actually a horrible person[/QUOTE] Lmao let it die.

Be gentle with Polly, he's a parrot and is naturally inclined to repeat things that others say.

[QUOTE=crazykyle16;48642511] I had the opportunity to get another lady involved, was so turned on by the thought, ended up being the shittiest night of my life. I'm not the kind of guy to share my girl. I basically felt like I was being cheated on right in front of me. :suicide:[/QUOTE] It's not likely to happen here I don't think, it's such a small community up here, everyone would find out, plus it would have to be a girl we both know, trust and are comfortable with, so it's going to take a while. and she's not been with a girl before so it's something she wants to try. we're both understanding towards each other, she knows that she doesn't have to do things she isn't comfortable with and she knows that, and the same goes for me.

Luckily for me, my girl and I have both agreed that having a threesome is a terrible idea and something we both would never want.

So..... im in some shit atm. I slept with an ex teacher of mine (male) when i was drunk and also closeted. Highly regret it and this was about 3 years ago. Anyway, hes been talking to my best mate on facebook and keeps trying to sleep with him even though my best mate is straight, i've told nobody about sleeping with him (apart from my boyfriend) and now the teacher has told my mate that hes slept with me. my mate is a little confused and showed me the screenshot of their conversation and he just said "I had a great night with Sam at the beginning of the year" (it was 3 years ago, not beginning of the year so thats wrong.) and my immediate reaction to it was to deny it. Which i have done. I know that the best way is to just own up to it but holy shit, if you know mine and my best mates friendship, he'd tease me to shit about it for months so that can't happen. Also not to mention the teacher is creepy and sleazy as fuck and it was just momentary weakness. Eugh. So far im playing dumb and just being like "What on earth are you talking about?" and ill just keep denying it. If worse comes to worse then i'll pretend that i physically cannot remember it happening and say i was too drunk to remember.

[QUOTE=greeley;48644385]So..... im in some shit atm. I slept with an ex teacher of mine (male) when i was drunk and also closeted. Highly regret it and this was about 3 years ago. Anyway, hes been talking to my best mate on facebook and keeps trying to sleep with him even though my best mate is straight, i've told nobody about sleeping with him (apart from my boyfriend) and now the teacher has told my mate that hes slept with me. my mate is a little confused and showed me the screenshot of their conversation and he just said "I had a great night with Sam at the beginning of the year" (it was 3 years ago, not beginning of the year so thats wrong.) and my immediate reaction to it was to deny it. Which i have done. I know that the best way is to just own up to it but holy shit, if you know mine and my best mates friendship, he'd tease me to shit about it for months so that can't happen. Also not to mention the teacher is creepy and sleazy as fuck and it was just momentary weakness. Eugh. So far im playing dumb and just being like "What on earth are you talking about?" and ill just keep denying it. If worse comes to worse then i'll pretend that i physically cannot remember it happening and say i was too drunk to remember.[/QUOTE] I don't know man, but if your friend is a true friend he will understand that this is something he shouldn't tease you about if you come clean. ESPECIALLY if you make it clear that it is something you regret. You would be surprised at how much it helps to let someone you trust in on your "secrets" once in a while. It can really help lift the burden from your shoulders, so to speak.

[QUOTE=bdd458;48643721]Be gentle with Polly, he's a parrot and is naturally inclined to repeat things that others say.[/QUOTE] I am naturally inclined to repeat things that others say? I am a parrot, be gentle

So my (ex?)gf who put me on hold by being with another guy in the meantime of taking some time off from me asked if l wanted to go for a walk with her in an hour. I said ok. At least for the sake of hearing her out...

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48646053]So my (ex?)gf who put me on hold by being with another guy in the meantime of taking some time off from me asked if l wanted to go for a walk with her in an hour. I said ok. At least for the sake of hearing her out...[/QUOTE] jesus christ [I]nooooooooooo[/I] stop

I already said yes anyway. Regretting it now. Now I'm gonna go through it. Fuck it. I know, I understand how dumb it is. I need closure, that's all. Just wanna go for the sake of whatever she has to say in person. I don't expect you to understand. It's just something I need to do for some inner peace. If she expects me to go just for a friendly talk, I'm driving the fuck away from there.

You're not gonna get closure though, man. She's just gonna try and convince you that she's still got something for you when you KNOW she doesn't. Just let her go already.

I know that. I already made up my mind about her. Not going back or trying anything. I just want to hear her out from out of her mouth what she has to say. I already said that l'd go anyway and l don't like going back on my word. At least l'm gonna hear her out in silence. Not going to linger there anyway. I'm very thankful for your honesty. My friends here also say that l'm making a mistake. I just need this. I'll tell you all about how it went when l'm back.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48646478]I know that. I already made up my mind about her. Not going back or trying anything. I just want to hear her out from out of her mouth what she has to say.[/QUOTE] With a lot of your posts here, you've been saying one thing, but doing another - saying you're over your relationship but then telling her to make a choice, saying you want nothing to do with her but then continuing contact by agreeing to go on a walk with her. You should give some thought to what message you're sending to her - words mean very little when your actions are contradicting them, and right now you're sending a very clear message to her that you're vulnerable and in a position where she could manipulate you further. [editline]9th September 2015[/editline] There's a mantra Debecker uses in Gift of Fear - "people who cannot let go choose people who cannot say no". If you and her are over, you need to cut contact. Every time you get drawn back into contact with her - whether it's a walk, or an argument, or you saying "don't contact me again" - you're giving her what she wants.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48646478]I know that. I already made up my mind about her. Not going back or trying anything. I just want to hear her out from out of her mouth what she has to say. I already said that l'd go anyway and l don't like going back on my word. At least l'm gonna hear her out in silence. Not going to linger there anyway. I'm very thankful for your honesty. My friends here also say that l'm making a mistake. I just need this. I'll tell you all about how it went when l'm back.[/QUOTE] Usually when someone has to say they never go back on their word they're justifying doing something they know is stupid.

You obviously haven't made you mind up because you said "(ex?)gf". Right there you specifically stated you're not sure if you two are still together. Don't give her options, tell her she messed up and you're done and never talk to her again. [editline]9th September 2015[/editline] I know its hard to leave someone who you were very close with, all you can think about is all the good times and it makes you want to go back to them. I've been separated with my ex for over a year and a half and there are still days where I wish we were still together, even though I know things just can't work between us. Just separate your self from her for awhile and keep your self busy and she'll just become a distant memory.

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;48632554]How do you all cope with shit like this? I been suspecting my girl of cheating and I've been sleepless, haven't eaten for 2 days and I cut even think straight. This weekend has just fucking hell for me and sounds like you guys have it about just as bad.[/QUOTE] Have you heard back from her yet? Also do you live in the US by chance?

We're back together

she can treat you like garbage with impunity

You fucked up m8 I get that it can be very difficult cutting it off with someone you've been with a long time but you're screwing yourself in the long run. She will get bored, she will meet a new man, and she will cheat again. Just rip that bandaid off now and deal with the momentary pain. It will subside with time, and you'll be thankful that you did it now rather than a couple more heartbreaks from now

I understand how you may find this all uncomprehensive after all I've been complaining about her. And from your point of view, a few enraged emotional texts being all I provided, you're right. But in reality I am right about investing on her. And do not patronize me like I'm being manipulated. I'm 100% sure on this. I know I've said things here and acted the total opposite, but in the midst of my emotions I left a lot of things out, for the sake of not turning a wall of text into a scroll. Let me start by going through how it went. I got there at the park and didn't say a word. She said she didn't have anything to tell me and she only wanted to see me. I asked what the hell I was doing there and then we argued. I told her everything. She told me that she didn't even had sex, much less a relationship with the other guy. Apparently they just made out and would meet each other from time to time. She told me she was a mess, she felt a lot of things for me but she couldn't tell because she was afraid she'd get hurt again. And she has good reasons for that because I gave them to her on the festival, like I previously said. So another party listening to her story certainly would have told her that I wasn't worth her for feeding her illusions of a future together and then walking away when things begun to get sower. Because yes, I did that to her, and after that at that point I told her, since she was being so persistent in her text messages that I'd do something, and I got so pissed that I told her - "Look, I can't think about anything right now, if you're just going to insult me and hate me for keeping you on the hook, fine, move the fuck on!". I also broke her heart. Broke it so much that it was reason enough for her to start drinking. I also promised her that I'd come back early from my friend's house in the north so I could spend her last week of vacations with her, which didn't happen. Yes, if you'd been hearing her story and not mine her, you'd all be seeing me like a massive cunt at this point. When I came back and wanted to talk, because I had cleared my mind and I missed her, of course she made things hard for me. Of course she told me "Look I just need some time to think about nothing and have fun with my friends, I can't think about anything now even though I have feelings for you". I know the situation she put me into was harsh, telling me she made out with another guy (fact to which I asked for no more details), I told her I disagreed, I wanted to be with her and all that, and she couldn't decide. On one hand I proved her twice I was inconsistent, unpredictable about what I wanted, so she wanted to move on alone, on the other she still had deep feelings for me. Yes, she kept me on the hook. I told her I didn't know what to do about her indecision, but it wasn't something I didn't put her through for 2 weeks before. Today I told her I had enough, that I had feelings towards her but I also wanted to move on. Which are two opposites. She told me she had bottled feelings but she couldn't tell me, I insisted, "Tell me" and she told me "I LOVE YOU, OK! But I can't I'm afraid", then I asked "then what the heck is stopping you, is the other guy that worth it", she started crying and told me "Fuck no! Not even by a long shot, but you're not even looking at me..." After that I got really mad, just asked her - "Then decide, for fuck's sake, you can't keep on going like this" - "I'm afraid, I don't know". I stood up, she called my name thinking I was leaving. I grabbed her hand, pulled her towards me, told her "Let me do something really stupid then" and I kissed her. Something I should have done earlier because it lasted a lifetime. And suddenly it was like every problem had gone away. We hugged and we smiled. Then we talked some more. She apologized to me for everything. I forgave her but told her not to do it again. I know we've been fucking up everything since the festival. We're stubborn. One bites, the other bites back twice as hard. That's how we are, that's how we've always been. But at the end of the day we love each other. And that's worth fighting for. That's love. You don't give up and I understand it now. I don't expect you to understand, I know I've been telling you a different story throughout the thread, telling one thing, doing another. I just ask that you respect my decision. I sure took all of your advice into consideration and appreciated the honesty and kindness. And if things go wrong like this again, don't worry. I won't come crawling back here crying for your advice. Thank you all.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48647901]We're back together[/QUOTE] Hey bud. Normally I interject a lot of humor and dumb shit into my posts, but I'm gonna drop some real fucking talk right here, because I've been through the whole cheating thing, I've been through the whole wanting to give another chance thing, and the terrible pain it leads to. Many years ago, I met a girl who I ended up being absolutely crazy for. Our relationship developed naturally, we didn't do that silly, "Hey let's be bf/gf top kek," shit, we just ended up together after years of spending nearly all of our time with one another. It was a good relationship, we never fought, never got upset over dumb shit, there were no problems whatsoever. I could give all the nitty gritty details, but it's pretty much irrelevant. Basically, this girl who was my best friend went and cheated on me for no reason other than she wanted to stretch her legs. I'm an understanding and forgiving person, so I let it slide. Only for it to happen again. Look man, once someone gets away with cheating, they will never stop doing it. Enabling them even just once pretty much sets in stone their propensity to cheat. The girl in my story outright told me she couldn't control it, she just felt compelled to do it, not fully understanding why. And that's the bottom line, it isn't a rational action. You cannot reason or plead or convince someone not to cheat, if it is in their nature, they will fucking cheat. And if you lock them down keeping them under wraps 24/7, they would still be there wishing they could cheat. That's how things were coming from someone who didn't treat me like shit, someone who legitimately tried to control herself but ultimately fell victim to irrational compulsions. In your situation, you have someone who is blatantly using you, doesn't respect you, and sees you as nothing but a hold-over type person. Someone to be with while she searches for the next flavor of the month to jump on. At the end of the day, I'm fairly certain you know what you're doing. This isn't a case of you not being able to understand, this is a case of you not caring. You don't mind being taken advantage of because this girl has completely destroyed your self-esteem, she has convinced you this is the best you're ever going to have. She's convinced you it's better to just try and shovel all of the shit she's done to you into the back of your head and try to enjoy every couple months or whatever between her cheating escapades. It sucks because there's nothing anyone can say to dissuade you of those beliefs, nobody is capable of convincing you you're deserving of someone who will respect and not repeatedly take advantage of you. You're the only person who can pull you out of the hole you're in. I legitimately hope you find a way out before you sacrifice too much of yourself to this girl. She's going to be the death of you.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48648382] I asked what the hell I was doing there and then we argued. I told her everything. [B]She told me that she didn't even had sex, much less a relationship with the other guy. Apparently they just made out and would meet each other from time to time.[/B] She told me she was a mess, she felt a lot of things for me but she couldn't tell because she was afraid she'd get hurt again.[/QUOTE] I seriously hope you don't believe that. If someone says they cheated then takes it back when you break up with them, that's them trying to work their way back in. You didn't take anyone's advice into consideration from the looks of it. You did the exact opposite of what everyone said.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48648382]She told me that she didn't even had sex, much less a relationship with the other guy. Apparently they just made out and would meet each other from time to time.[/QUOTE] So they would just meet up, make out for a while, then go their own separate ways? 10 bucks says everyone who's been cheated on in this thread has heard pretty much the exact same goddamn bullshit. Absolutely incredible how powerful delusion can be.

I didn't say she cheated on me. I said she asked for some time and got involved with another guy. It was already implied at that point that we weren't together even though she asked for some time. [editline]9th September 2015[/editline] Look, I don't think this is a compulsive cheating case to be fair and square. [B]We weren't together when she "cheated[/B] and to be honest I don't give a shit about what they did. If I'm doing the right think, or making a mistake, I don't know. I really don't. It will be either really good from now on or really bad. But I need to make my own mistakes. It's a part of living a life. That's how I am. I have made my decision. I won't bother you if it backfires. I have friends to cry to for that.

HOW THE FUCK I CURE MY ONEITIS [editline]10th September 2015[/editline] IT'S BEEN 5 YEARS AND I STILL BELIEVE I WANT TO EAT HER SHIT [editline]10th September 2015[/editline] ALL THE 'CURES' SAY TO FORGET ABOUT HER BUT YOU CAN'T FORGET ABOUT REAL ONEITIS

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48648382]Today I told her I had enough, that I had feelings towards her but I also wanted to move on. Which are two opposites. She told me she had bottled feelings but she couldn't tell me, I insisted, "Tell me" and she told me "I LOVE YOU, OK! But I can't I'm afraid", then I asked "then what the heck is stopping you, is the other guy that worth it", she started crying and told me "Fuck no! Not even by a long shot, but you're not even looking at me..." After that I got really mad, just asked her - "Then decide, for fuck's sake, you can't keep on going like this" - "I'm afraid, I don't know". I stood up, she called my name thinking I was leaving. I grabbed her hand, pulled her towards me, told her "Let me do something really stupid then" and I kissed her. Something I should have done earlier because it lasted a lifetime. [B]And suddenly it was like every problem had gone away. [/B] We hugged and we smiled. Then we talked some more. She apologized to me for everything. I forgave her but told her not to do it again. I know we've been fucking up everything since the festival. We're stubborn. One bites, the other bites back twice as hard. That's how we are, that's how we've always been. But at the end of the day we love each other. And that's worth fighting for. That's love. You don't give up and I understand it now. [/QUOTE] Long wall of text incoming (and it's a little scatterbrained) but if you're allowed to then I can too :v: I usually don't post in this thread but I'd just like to say this: I, like you, struggled a lot between deciding whether or not to cut ties with my ex. I didn't read all of your story so I don't know how much of this is going to be relateable to you, but this was what happened with one of my first gfs. Our relationship had been going through rough times for months but I held onto it because I didn't want to break her heart. We'd fight constantly about it, about everything, especially when we ran out of things to do. But at the end of it, no matter what, we'd always kiss and make up. Everyone knows what make up sex is, but you can get into that habit just by kissing. That romantic gesture you did (It was pretty smooth, I'm not going to lie) probably did more harm than you realize. It feels good to kiss and be close, good enough that you forget anything else. So you get used to it. I put up with the fighting and bullshit for those good feelings. Of course, you can't think straight like that. I couldn't. So I thought, like you, that we were obviously in love, and that all of these problems would be solved if we just worked at it. The problem is that you can work on problems as much as you like, and I honestly believe that any relationship can work if both people are actually trying. And that's fine and dandy. But you also can't ignore signs of incompatibility between you two. Fighting, indecision, etc are all red flags that you guys really just aren't good together, no matter how much you try. When I broke up with my gf, and when I was getting over her, I had to separate myself from my feelings and think more logically than I wanted to about a relationship. It sounds cold but I think it's necessary. Look at the facts: Do you guys like the same stuff? Do you guys have similar personality traits? Are there a few things that you can name (non-sexual) that she does that you just go crazy over? What you think is love can really just be infatuation or even just a deep wanting not to be alone. We all have it. What you need to decide, on your own, is whether or not you love this girl. On the flip side, don't take only what she says as face value. Anyone can say that they love you, or that the other guy isn't worth it at all; she could even say it to the other guy too. But just look at how she acts, not just says. "Actions speak louder than words" and all that shit, and they really do tell a lot more about what a person's thinking than what they're actually saying. Also, if you do decide to cut ties, I would cut them hard. It hurts a lot but its better, for both of you. The first two weeks are awful, but the pain fades and you can start moving on. Sorry for hogging thread space, I just hope I helped you make a decision or at least you will consider what I said. I don't think you're dumb, and I don't know your whole story, but good luck fam [editline]9th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Loch;48648684]HOW THE FUCK I CURE MY ONEITIS [editline]10th September 2015[/editline] IT'S BEEN 5 YEARS AND I STILL BELIEVE I WANT TO EAT HER SHIT [editline]10th September 2015[/editline] ALL THE 'CURES' SAY TO FORGET ABOUT HER BUT YOU CAN'T FORGET ABOUT REAL ONEITIS[/QUOTE] Expand your horizons and talk it up with other girls