Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

What kind of people and what they are looking for depends heavily on your location. Try to use Tinder too, when I used online dating, i got way more lucky on Tinder than on other sites.

it's very location dependent though, and always remember that no matter what app or site you use, it's still likely to be the girl's choice. they'll likely get a lot of attention and they can have their pick of who they want. seems to be the way with most that I've tried. when I was away in glasgow I matched with a good few girls, none of them replied to incredibly shit pick up lines (I don't think they got the irony of me using horrendous lines to try and strike up a conversation). back at home it's not the same at all. I swiped right on a good few girls, probably most of the ones I came across (including girls that used to be good friends with my first ex, boy how I hoped to match with them :v:) but I didn't match with anyone besides my recent ex (and that was just cause we knew we were both on it), and a girl who happened to be passing through the islands on a tall ship. why would this be? I guess because nothing about me really stands out, other than the fact that I play bass (I had photos of me on stage), and the fact I have long hair (this seems to be a love or hate thing with girls, some hate it, some love it). the hair will all come off at some point for charity, but it stays for the time being.

[QUOTE=FrankPetrov;50343099]I'm going to be one of those people... Online dating blows. Now granted, it does seem to work for a lot of people, but my experience has been bad. It's like these women have such high standards. I realize an attractive woman is probably recieving 40 messages a day, but to not even respond with a simple "not interested" message. Idk, maybe I expect too much? I'm not in an area where there's social things for people my age either.[/QUOTE] You're expecting too much if you expect every person you message to send you a rejection. It's kind of like job hunting. Once you send off your resume (or message in this case), just assume you didn't get the job until you actually hear back.

It can be a little tough with Tinder because you'll be thinking "This person MATCHED with me, they MUST be interested, right?" But you've gotta keep in mind that some people just binge-swipe without taking a close look at the person, then might have second thoughts later. Other people give just about everyone a like to see how many matches they can get, regardless of whether they're ACTUALLY interested, just to boost their own self-confidence. Lots of people don't take it seriously at all, and it sucks when you run into those people, but you gotta accept that so many of them are out there.

[QUOTE=FrankPetrov;50343099]I'm going to be one of those people... Online dating blows. Now granted, it does seem to work for a lot of people, but my experience has been bad. It's like these women have such high standards. I realize an attractive woman is probably recieving 40 messages a day, but to not even respond with a simple "not interested" message. Idk, maybe I expect too much? I'm not in an area where there's social things for people my age either.[/QUOTE] Also be original in your first message, make them react (ask something about their profile, anything that can start a convo) I actually turned down a hookup (don't ask me why, I was just trying to evaluate what can you do with that app, wasn't disappointed at all) on tinder that began with me sending to that girl the worst joke ever :v: Forget about the "hey what's up". Even the dumbest thing like "I think I know you, weren't you in X school" will give you 200% more chances of the girl replying

A lot of online dating sites are saturated with guys looking for girls to talk to and the girl population is always less. On OkCupid when I was active, I got at least 5-6 messages a day. On busy days, I'd get over 10. Most of the guys aren't even really interested, they just want to send blasts out to tons of girls and see who'll respond. And you can usually tell. I had 0 interest in any message that just said "hey" or "what type of video games do you play?" (of which there were tons). You have to make an effort and you have to stand out and even then, a girl still might not be interested and you won't always get a reply. Also don't make SO MUCH of an effort that your message is paragraphs long. Then it starts to get weird.

-snip-

Well, I can finally scratch "ask someone out" off of my list. I'm 21 fucking years old and I've finally found the courage to do it. Wasn't bad at all, should have started earlier. Not that I got a yes, but at least I did it :v She was worth asking.

Do guys even get messages on these apps or is that not a thing? I don't feel like getting an app like this and going through a bunch of people to message first and then not getting anything back and feeling like shit.

Sure they do. But dating apps place VERY HEAVY importance on that visual first impression. You definitely have to be someone who cares about their appearance and works to keep it presentable for you to get any messages or swipes, depending on the app. For someone who doesn't put a lot of emphasis on appearance, either for themselves or for other people, dating apps are likely not the place for them to find someone.

what are some fun things you like to ask people?

I don't think I've ever sent a message myself. But I like it when people ask me about my job. And they actually... are interested. I can mention things like education and kids and usually just get a "oh that's cool". And they don't really express knowing anything about it. Which isn't a HUGE deal but it's easy to tell when someone doesn't care. I also like talking about movies. But if someone comes at me telling me they only like super gritty action films, my interest drops a little. I like people who can hold a fairly long conversation and doesn't mind if it doesn't get to "let's meet up" territory within the first round of messages. I don't like meeting up with people if I'm not sure I can actually talk to them about stuff. Seems pointless to me. I also try my damnedest to stay AWAY from talk about video games. Nine times out of ten the guys around here are only familiar with generic FPS shooters. Which isn't inherently bad, but I like to talk to guys who have games that I have. Then we can maybe play something together at some point. But I'd rather not bring them up super quickly at all until I'm sure the person isn't gonna be one of those "people who play mobile games aren't real gamers" sorts of people. My interests dwindle pretty quickly for various reasons so it's hard to find someone to really mesh with enough that I'm down to see them in person. I think as long as you're easy going, maybe come up with some interesting conversation about interests WITHOUT spending too much time talking about yourself, you can get anyone invested.

For what reasons might a man get married, if he were not religious? Like, aside from religious obligation, what's in it for me?

Tax benefits. [editline]18th May 2016[/editline] Also consolidating resources, equity, or property.

What are the tax benefits? I make just under 40k a year, I don't really know what she makes but she needs my help a lot so maybe not as much.

I don't know much about taxes, but most of the big "tax filing" websites have information about it. [url]https://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/tax-tips/Family/7-Tax-Advantages-of-Getting-Married-/INF17870.html[/url] [url]http://blogs.hrblock.com/2014/09/25/10-ways-getting-married-affects-your-taxes-updated/[/url] [url]http://money.howstuffworks.com/personal-finance/personal-income-taxes/5-tax-benefits-of-marriage.htm[/url]

Alright so none of that stuff really applies to me, at least none of it sounds like it does. Thank you so much for the info though. Are there any other secular reasons? Because I can only come up with "because she wants to" and that, for me, sounds like it will only lead to resentment.

If you don't want to get married, then you definitely shouldn't. Divorce if things don't work out can take a toll on someone, emotionally, mentally, and financially. Marriage can be a good benefit. But it's not something to do just because your girlfriend wants to do it on a whim. If she's not someone you can see yourself being married to, then it's probably not a good idea. Not every couple needs to get married. But if she's pressing you for it, then you may need to sit her down and talk about the fact that it's not exactly what you want.

[QUOTE=J Paul;50347769]For what reasons might a man get married, if he were not religious? Like, aside from religious obligation, what's in it for me?[/QUOTE] I would say it makes for a good start for a stable environment for a child. They will live a 'normal' life and have access to joint dedicated support. At the end of the day marriage is as the word means in other contexts; It is the joining of two people in a pact of dedication. This basically means that not only do you work towards kids and whatnot, but the two of you become one in a sense - mutually supporting eachother through thick and thin. I'm not sure where society would be right now if people didn't have some sort of moral construct for sticking around through tough times. It's all well and good to point to cases where marriage was not needed, but realistically people are shitty and marriage is a good institution for keeping families together, or at least trying to.

In some countries marriage is also mandatory if your partner is sick or in the ER and you want to visit at the hospital, or if he/she passes away and has no family to inherit or no will. That's a big problem, more so in countries where same sex marriage isn't legal yet. Needless to say, being married is a must if you want to adopt a child with someone.

[QUOTE=J Paul;50347769]For what reasons might a man get married, if he were not religious? Like, aside from religious obligation, what's in it for me?[/QUOTE] It helps a lot with legal, financial, medical troubles. There's honestly too much involved, but a simple search on any of that would bring up results quickly. It's not a religious thing.

Okay then I guess I just don't want to get married because I've found those types of reasons and none of that shit matters to me either. Honestly I'm not bothered by being alone so if she wants to issue an ultimatum where it's either I marry her or she finds someone who will, good luck to her, I just hope she doesn't get stuck in a marriage with someone awful just so she could have the title of being married. [editline]19th May 2016[/editline] Basically she's asking me to marry her or stop wasting her time, but I have no reason to get married because for me as a man basically it just means I'm gonna sign away any potential future I might have for myself and instead pour all of my resources into creating a future for her kids. And I just don't know that that even sounds appealing to me. So I've been looking for reasons why a man would ever get married, and it's pretty much always just coming back to "because I had no choice due to pregnant/ultimatum" and thus it kinda sounds like a raw deal for me and it's just for her. She gets all my time, money, resources, future, guarantees and shit, and I get what? The pleasure and privilege of giving all that shit to her?

I mean, marriage is also done because people just figure they're gonna be together for a looooong time anyway. And to a lot of people, it's a symbol of the ultimate commitment. Tons of men like to get married for non-religious reasons that aren't financial either. But like I said before, it's not for everyone.

Yeah it's definitely not for everyone. I mean she's always talked about it and I've always said yeah that might be nice but I guess I never really thought about it seriously before because when I think about it now, in detail with like hard reality and shit, it gives me the same feeling I had when I knew I was going to jail and thought my future might be over. Like impending doom. Death sentence. Life, over before I ever got to even enjoy it. That's the thoughts I have. Am I a bad person? Should I maybe just break up with my girlfriend?

You're not a bad person, but most people see marriage as a way of saying "I want to be with you for the rest of my life". If you can't ultimately see yourself with someone for the rest of your life, there's nothing bad about that. But if she's giving you the talk like it's "get married or nothing", then you are gonna wanna sit down with her and explain things. Marriage isn't always doom and gloom. It's a chance to share your life with someone indefinitely. It's also a way of making it clear legally that you and that other person are sharing your lives and your property. But tons of couples just have a domestic partnerships instead of going through the hubbub of marriage. It's something that you have to talk to your partner about. It's not like getting married totally diminishes your freedom. When you get married, you're usually saying that you're not interested in dating or seeing anyone else. (Unless you have an open marriage I guess???) And that you're pretty much "done" dating. But it's not like you totally lose yourself or your personality or hobbies. You want to marry someone you mesh with to the point where you don't feel like marriage is going to take away everything that you have. Marriage isn't an end to your life. Just an end to your independent or dating life. You can do tons of stuff as a married couple and even then, a healthy married couple will still have their own spaces where they can go to do stuff they enjoy. For example, one partner might have an office where they can go and read or do work on their computer. Another might have a study or an art studio or a music/game room. A lot of married couples just consolidate everything and don't ever give each other space which leads to frustration. Tbh I've even heard of some married couples having individual bedrooms but both with large enough beds to accommodate them both. Just because sometimes you don't wanna share a bed or maybe you're not feeling great and don't wanna keep the other person awake. And maybe you just want your own individual space to decorate with your own personal taste. There's no set criteria for married life other than a judge saying "you're a permanent couple by law". Some people even get married while still maintaining a platonic relationship just so they can reap the tax benefits and consolidate property. I've heard of best friends doing it pretty frequently. Marriage is what you make of it tbh.

Based on that, and my own personal self reflection, I guess my problem is I don't see [i]anything[/I] for the rest of my life. I guess that's where I don't understand why everyone else sees it that way and that's why I see it different. For me, anything for "the rest of my life" can only be a prison sentence. I guess. Like I guess that's just been instilled within me psychologically. I'm not the type of person to say "never" or "always" when it comes to the future. Because I don't know the plan, I don't plan for forever and always. I might get hit by a truck tomorrow. But yeah I guess I gotta start working on future planning in general and then maybe I'll feel marriageable. Google autocorrect told me that was a word.

Don't worry about being "marriageable". Some people don't even get married until their upper thirties, forties, or beyond that. It's a thing that you really have to think about for a good portion of your life. So don't feel rushed.

Jesus, what a rough fucking night. Did couchsurfing with a friend, and then we met some asian americans. We hung out at a bar, one of them had a call about family issues, and then got so piss drunk she tried to jump off the roof meanwhile, my friend was just recording the event as I stopped her from jumping what the fuck

Also if you are worried about the material aspect of it, you can always get a prenuptual agreement.

[QUOTE=J Paul;50351971]Based on that, and my own personal self reflection, I guess my problem is I don't see [i]anything[/I] for the rest of my life. I guess that's where I don't understand why everyone else sees it that way and that's why I see it different. For me, anything for "the rest of my life" can only be a prison sentence. I guess. Like I guess that's just been instilled within me psychologically. I'm not the type of person to say "never" or "always" when it comes to the future. Because I don't know the plan, I don't plan for forever and always. I might get hit by a truck tomorrow. But yeah I guess I gotta start working on future planning in general and then maybe I'll feel marriageable. Google autocorrect told me that was a word.[/QUOTE] You don't have to see a future for yourself to get married. If no matter what happens, that's the person you want beside you, then marriage would be good. Marriage isn't permanent, however, it is a lot of work to get out of one. The reason is that in a lot of aspects, a marriage turns two entities into one. You can share benefits, and make power of attorney decisions for each other in the event one of you become incapacitated and unable to make those decisions, get discounts on various services (like car insurance because of multi-vehicle policies), are legally allowed to speak on your behalf, and other benefits. And a pre-nuptial agreement means you can ensure that if you ever do get divorced, you won't be screwed. So basically, if you don't feel like you want that person to be by your side no matter what happens in life, then you're not ready to marry that person. But that's ok, because not everyone is suited for marriage, and not everyone wants to get married. You can still be together without being married (as stated above). But I would advise against getting married unless you are 100% sure that the person you are marrying is the one you want to be with, because getting a divorce is a very long and rough process.