Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50399900]So I recently went on a first date with this girl and she's pretty cool we have almost identical taste in vidya and both come from theatre backgrounds and get along pretty good. (she also casually mentioned how kinky she is which a +++ for this guy) And today a female friend I've crushed on oreviouskt told me she wants to get together with me Shed nice but we don't really have a fucking thing in common other than we both kinda like talking to each other I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I'm so stressed and feel gross about all this [editline]27th May 2016[/editline] For clarification how do I let my friend down easily cause as pretty as she is I don't think we're a match like that at all, we differ too much. As appealing as the idea of hooking up might be I want to see where things go with this theatre girl[/QUOTE] I think you already know what do, man. You might have a crush on your friend, but you have an actual connection with Theater Girl. All you can do is tell your friend that you're involved with somebody and that you're excited to see where it goes, so you're not available right now. It might hurt her feelings a little bit, but she will get over it. It's not like she can hold it against you. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I had a classmate that I had a crush on, and asked her out. We went and grabbed coffee, and while we had a pleasant time it wasn't a hit. We went our separate ways, and I thought that was that. Then, out of nowhere, I hear back from her a year later. She messages me on Facebook, we flirt a bit, and decide to go out again. Trouble was, her date was the night before a date I had with another girl, and this second girl I was much more interested in! Sure enough, my date with the old classmate was lame. The entire time, I was thinking about how much I was looking forward to my date with the other girl, and hoping it went better than this one. The night ended awkwardly, to say the least. The other girl and I had a [I]much[/I] better date. Two years later, and I don't regret letting the old class crush down for a minute, because the relationship that bloomed from my next date is still going strong.

[QUOTE=TheDrunkenOne;50401582]wish me luck boys.[/QUOTE] welp, looks like i'm going on a date this weekend.

I'm guilty of missing the whole dating part (the excitement) and basically trying to flirt with people and so on. Is that bad or pretty normal?

[QUOTE=darth-veger;50421516]I'm guilty of missing the whole dating part (the excitement) and basically trying to flirt with people and so on. Is that bad or pretty normal?[/QUOTE] usually excitement is the result of chemistry between the two of you. seems pretty normal to me though

I have a friend that became my friend this year, and I could say we are almost to the "best friend zone". Is there any good way to ask her if we can be friends with benefits?

[QUOTE=RockyTV;50424193]I have a friend that became my friend this year, and I could say we are almost to the "best friend zone". Is there any good way to ask her if we can be friends with benefits?[/QUOTE] I think its a step too far to ask her right away if you both can have casual sex as friends. I would first dig out if she is actually into you, not romantic but usually a girl would like to have sex because she feels attracted to you. Without sexually harassing her i would just try if she is comfortable with you touching her to begin with, its a bit weird to write this down in text but see how she responds to physical contact, how far have you ever been with her?

[QUOTE=TheDrunkenOne;50421529]usually excitement is the result of chemistry between the two of you. seems pretty normal to me though[/QUOTE] This is pretty much how it works, excitement will happen no matter what you're doing. Love is really weird like that.

[QUOTE=darth-veger;50424209]I think its a step too far to ask her right away if you both can have casual sex as friends. I would first dig out if she is actually into you, not romantic but usually a girl would like to have sex because she feels attracted to you. Without sexually harassing her i would just try if she is comfortable with you touching her to begin with, its a bit weird to write this down in text but see how she responds to physical contact, how far have you ever been with her?[/QUOTE] When she comes talk to sometimes me she leans her body over me, looking like she will kiss me, but not so close. I just respond by holding her waist, and we keep like this until any of us moves.

Alright, I pretty desperately need some advice here. I've never been in a relationship before so I'm not sure what to do. A few months ago, when the semester change happened, I got stuck in a lunch where only one of my good friends are really at (Our school is forced to have two lunch periods because of how small of a cafeteria we have). As a result we decided to just find somewhere to sit, and we ended up find a seat at a table where a friend of my friend sat who happened to be an anime nerd. Can you guess where we ended up? The anime girls table. Long story short, I grew to like this girl, who I might add is not actually an anime nerd, just a social outcast like me that sits next to me. However, I'm still not 100% sure if she likes me. I seem to be getting signs, like how she seems to be interested in talking with me whenever I start up a conversation or how she seems to look around but then hides it when she notices me. At the same time she's also showing some lack of interest such as not actively trying to talk to me like others have. I like to attribute it to the fact that she's sort of socially awkward, but I just don't know. I'm not even sure anyone could tell me anything about this or not, but I think it's prudent information. First Question: Should I try to ask her out? I think I know the answer to this but it's better to ask anyways. Second Question: When do I ask her out? This is a question that's been plaguing me for a while. The problem is that I actually only see this girl several times a day, those being occasionally in the hall in the morning, during lunch, and if I can catch her as I'm walking to my locker at the end of the day. I'm not sure when would be the right time to, the two I've identified as the most likely are right at the end of the day when she's at her locker, or if I could try to catch her as she's walking to her car in the parking lot, but every time I've tried either it just ends up with me feeling like there'd be a better time to ask her. Third question: How should I ask her out? This depends on the other two questions, namely the second. I've always thought that a simple "Hey, would you be willing to go out with me?" would be fine, but it's better to make sure. Final question: What should I ask her out too? Since I've though it'd be best to just ask the previous "Hey, would you be willing to go out with me?" question, I thought I'd just figure out where to go/what to do after the fact. It's a little bit of a problem for me since I live inside a small town (population 1500) in Rural Wisconsin, and I don't have a car. She lives somewhere out in the countryside but she does have a car. The only thing I've thought of so far was just to go see a movie in our town's theatre, but I really don't know. If you'd like to know her specific interests, I'll tell you, but she seems like the kind of person willing to do anything. Thanks.

I'd advise against going to the movies on a first date. Sitting silently next to eachother in the dark for two hours doesn't make for a great way to get to know eachother imo.

[QUOTE=healthpoint;50428262]I'd advise against going to the movies on a first date. Sitting silently next to eachother in the dark for two hours doesn't make for a great way to get to know eachother imo.[/QUOTE] We already kind of know each other anyways so...?

[QUOTE=TornadoAP;50429068]We already kind of know each other anyways so...?[/QUOTE] Unless you take her somewhere after the movie it's not going to be much of a date. Trust.

[QUOTE=TornadoAP;50429068]We already kind of know each other anyways so...?[/QUOTE] Don't go on a movie date unless you are like already in a relation. Some other things you can do: 1) Have lunch/diner somewhere 2) Walk on the beach / through the forest (its fun!) 3) Go to a theme park 4) See if there are any food truck events in your area or the likes of it 5) Go to some cafe or pub and drink together

This might not be the right forum but i'm going to post this in here as it has a lot to do with me and being social. For the past two years i have been very isolated, for a multitude of reasons, but i both enjoy and hate it. I hate being alone but i've not been in a great place for the past two years, only recently has it gotten better and with it i've made a lot of decisions to change myself. I got a job, which is great and i've put weight on since then which is both great ( I used to weigh 8 stone ) but i've gone up to 13 stone and it's taken a toll on my health. But over the past year i've noticed that i dont actually enjoy gaming anymore, well i do, but i dont enjoy it like i used to, i very very rarely play a game and i dont feel i can warrant having a 2 grand laptop to play games on that i dont really play games on. I wanted to make change and i've decided that i'm going to start hitting the gym whilst i have 2 months off work in the summer, but i've also sold my gaming laptop and all the stuff with it (External monitor, mouse, keyboard, mic etc) and i've got a cheap 200 pound laptop to do necessary stuff on. My reasoning is i just cant fully justify having this thing that i obcess over be a looming presence in affecting how i change myself, in the future i will get a new pc of course, i do enjoy gaming and i feel i have worn myself out, but if i cut out the demon in my life that i obcess over and force myself into doing things that will benefit me (reconnecting with old friends, improving my health, working towards getting an actual hobby and skill i can use, an instrument or art etc) i can come back into gaming when i feel like it fresh and better and more happy. I probably worded it horribly, but only in the past few months have i noticed how obsessed i am with constnatly being online and forcing myself to enjoy what i currently dont anymore, to the point it made me lose someone i loved and lose a lot of friends in the process.

So I'd been seeing this girl for a few dates and it's going pretty well so far And that female friend I mentioned before told me she's going to break up with her boyfriend and also am I single I can't help feeling guilty I ruined their relationship somehow :v:

I think I'm headed for an awkward situation tonight. I'm going to the birthday party of this girl who has been kind of an on-and-off FWB to me (always Friends, but the Benefits come and go)... and her new boyfriend is going to be there. I've never been in this kind of situation before, I feel like it would be awkward to shake this guy's hand and know in my head "I was banging your girlfriend about a month ago." I don't know. Am I wrong? It seems like it will be weird. Part of me doesn't want to go but a few days ago when I expressed just the SLIGHTEST uncertainty about being able to make it, she practically broke down in tears and it pretty much ruined her night.

Well I fell in love with my boss, she is fucking awesome. Yet I can't work with her unless I tell her as it affects me too much. So I guess damn the consequences if shit hits the fan or it doesn't at least I'll know rather than be stuck in some hell of my own creation. Which if this self-improvement and not being numb to the world doesn't work out in finding someone. Then I guess it's the plan of being an evil incarnate and trying to figure out if I can end humanity with some backdoor into reality. Seems I'm not too keen on that though as it would take a long time to figure that out possibly but I guess someone else would pick up the work at some point. [editline]31st May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50432172]I can't help feeling guilty I ruined their relationship somehow :v:[/QUOTE] You didn't, I have a lady friend who I've know for years who loves me and I love her. She's still with her boyfriend who would most likely shoot me if I tried anything so I just left it alone. Though knowing I'm a threat to it means the feelings are real.

[QUOTE=darth-veger;50429445]Don't go on a movie date unless you are like already in a relation. Some other things you can do: 1) Have lunch/diner somewhere 2) Walk on the beach / through the forest (its fun!) 3) Go to a theme park 4) See if there are any food truck events in your area or the likes of it 5) Go to some cafe or pub and drink together[/QUOTE] Thank you for the suggestions, but unfortunately I live in a small town (population 1500) in rural Wisconsin. Many of those things aren't around here or otherwise I don't have the resources to pull them off. 2 is the only real viable one and even then I don't think either of us are much of a fan of walking. Seriously, anything else you or anyone else can think of would be great, because I'm drawing blanks here.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;50432611]I think I'm headed for an awkward situation tonight. I'm going to the birthday party of this girl who has been kind of an on-and-off FWB to me (always Friends, but the Benefits come and go)... and her new boyfriend is going to be there. I've never been in this kind of situation before, I feel like it would be awkward to shake this guy's hand and know in my head "I was banging your girlfriend about a month ago." I don't know. Am I wrong? It seems like it will be weird. Part of me doesn't want to go but a few days ago when I expressed just the SLIGHTEST uncertainty about being able to make it, she practically broke down in tears and it pretty much ruined her night.[/QUOTE] feeling weird about it is going to make it weird for both of them as well, most likely. In all honesty, as long as it's not a problem with you (which I understand currently isn't the case), then you won't have anything to worry about. Thinking about how awkward it [i]might[/i] be is just going to make it awkward, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. As long as you don't have feelings for her, you should be fine. If you do have romantic or sexual feelings for her, well, that's a conversation you should probably have with her. Or, at the very least, something you should reflect upon either on your own or with someone you trust. [QUOTE=TornadoAP;50433528]Thank you for the suggestions, but unfortunately I live in a small town (population 1500) in rural Wisconsin. Many of those things aren't around here or otherwise I don't have the resources to pull them off. 2 is the only real viable one and even then I don't think either of us are much of a fan of walking. Seriously, anything else you or anyone else can think of would be great, because I'm drawing blanks here.[/QUOTE] Personally, I consider the setting of the date as more of a background rather than the focus of the date. Picking a good date location, for me, it isn't so much about the specific 'this is a date' activity as it is a combination of who my date is and their interests relative to their conversational habits (how much, or little, they talk). For example, I dated this girl a couple months back who specifically mentioned her love for dogs. She also mentioned she loves nature. She was a deep thinker as well, and it showed in her conversations. This was a good combination for me, as the local animal shelter allows the public to take the dogs they have out for walks. Found a local nature trail after that, and boom, there's our date. We had a great time until one of the dogs dragged me under a log and ripped my thumbnail off All of this is to say that, with minimum options, your best bet is to listen to her closely and find something you have common interest in to use as a backdrop to getting closer to her. Make it fun, lighthearted, and preferably public the first few times.

if i think people are ugly am i a bad person like, just, not attractive. does that make me an asshole. im reading a bunch of posts and i can't tell whether this guys an asshole for reducing everyone to be worthless based on their looks or whether he just thinks they don't look attractive and now im worried i'm a cunt for finding some people are unattractive. although i never ever tell them in person cause now that's just fucking rude

[QUOTE=343N;50435175]if i think people are ugly am i a bad person like, just, not attractive. does that make me an asshole. im reading a bunch of posts and i can't tell whether this guys an asshole for reducing everyone to be worthless based on their looks or whether he just thinks they don't look attractive and now im worried i'm a cunt for finding some people are unattractive. although i never ever tell them in person cause now that's just fucking rude[/QUOTE] I dont think that makes you a bad person, if you judge them for who they are based on that then yea you're a bit of an asshat, but if you just dont see them as attractive people then so? I dont think my friend is attractive, but i love him, he's one of my closest friends and i dont think of it every day, if you see that person every day and instantly think "How ugly/unattractive" i would start to be concerned.

for whatever reason I'm finding myself really hesitant to be in a relationship again I think it's because my last one ended so poorly but I have real cold feet about this and I don't know why the girl's pretty great, she's cute, hella funny and smart, career driven and a massive nerd and all these things should be getting me going but there's this jitter in my head that doesn't feel like I'll be happy. I can't tell if it's just the usual self destructive feelings. Been missing my ex like crazy again for whatever reason which is bullshit because I thought I was over that there's this terrible part of me that realizes I'm 20 and wants to just mess around and have fun with the world but I know that'd leave me unhappy too. I've been stressing m'self sick lately and I don't want to ruin smoething but I know I'm going to.

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50436529]for whatever reason I'm finding myself really hesitant to be in a relationship again I think it's because my last one ended so poorly but I have real cold feet about this and I don't know why the girl's pretty great, she's cute, hella funny and smart, career driven and a massive nerd and all these things should be getting me going but there's this jitter in my head that doesn't feel like I'll be happy. I can't tell if it's just the usual self destructive feelings. Been missing my ex like crazy again for whatever reason which is bullshit because I thought I was over that there's this terrible part of me that realizes I'm 20 and wants to just mess around and have fun with the world but I know that'd leave me unhappy too. I've been stressing m'self sick lately and I don't want to ruin smoething but I know I'm going to.[/QUOTE] Ask yourself why it is that you miss your ex. As that can make a big problem depending on the answer to that.

[QUOTE=DELL;50436549]Ask yourself why it is that you miss your ex. As that can make a big problem depending on the answer to that.[/QUOTE] Lots of reasons I suppose. She's the only intimate partner I've had so there's a sense of connection I've never had with another person. I felt she complimented who I was in a lot of great ways, and I'd never met anyone who I synced with in so many regards. She made me happy to be around, the kind of girl I'd want to show off to the world and all that. I really did think I was moving past her and ready to get out there again. I'd been on a few casual dates here and there the last couple months but there's something about the possibiltiy ofbeing in a rel;ationship again that's stressing me out.

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50436648]Lots of reasons I suppose. She's the only intimate partner I've had so there's a sense of connection I've never had with another person. I felt she complimented who I was in a lot of great ways, and I'd never met anyone who I synced with in so many regards. She made me happy to be around, the kind of girl I'd want to show off to the world and all that. I really did think I was moving past her and ready to get out there again. I'd been on a few casual dates here and there the last couple months but there's something about the possibiltiy ofbeing in a rel;ationship again that's stressing me out.[/QUOTE] Well the good news is you'll connect with someone just as good or better at some point. Well this may be wrong or right you'll have to figure it out as I have no real idea. It does sound like you're putting people on a pedestal in regards to how you view them in a relationship. Which if this is the case it won't matter how well you connect as relationships need to be equal. [Quote=Othernews] DERP [/quote] Well I didn't say the I love you directly instead I just thanked her and told her all the reasons why. Which felt great and she seemed pretty damn happy afterwards. Which based upon the whole conversation she knew what I was saying. Now I feel great.

My boyfriend (who I believed was the be all and end all, I didn't/don't want anyone else, he was it for me) recently ended things with me pretty brutally. I am gutted. We were so in love before, and things got complex, and it's all gone. The recent thing that goes running through my mind is how much I would give to get cuddles, and have his arms wrapped round me, as well as tell him how much progress I made recently, and other such things I didn't have the opportunity to tell him. I think he would have been proud of me. I don't even care if I sound creepy rn, I just miss him loads already. I know I will be okay eventually. He said that he never wanted to see me again though. I should probably just let go of everything right? :/ :cry: [EDITED]: Not feeling as emotional. I don't agree when people say they should "let go of everything" because you learn so much from relationships. Also, in the event of a break up, whether you think you feel fine or not, it is a situation of heightened emotional intensity (mostly of the negative variety). This is why people might say "I hate you" and they don't mean it. It's just people saying things to make the other hurt as much as they're hurting. Pretty childish, but we all do it. Focusing on your emotions doesn't consider rationality, nor logic, and is impulsive.

[QUOTE=GisG56;50439235]My boyfriend (who I believed was the be all and end all, I didn't/don't want anyone else, he was it for me) recently ended things with me pretty brutally. I am gutted. We were so in love before, and things got complex, and it's all gone. The recent thing that goes running through my mind is how much I would give to get cuddles, and have his arms wrapped round me. I don't even care if I sound creepy rn, I just miss him loads already. I know I will be okay eventually. He said that he never wanted to see me again though. I should probably just let go of everything right? :/ :cry:[/QUOTE] Yeah, it's for the best. Similar situation here about 6 months ago, but it does get better.

I feel like I'm trying to force a connection with this girl that isn't clicking. We like all the same stuff but when I'm around her it's okay to talk to her but she doesn't really seem like someone I want to date. I wish I knew if it's just nerves or genuine feeling because it's hard to tell the difference. First date I thought shew as fun but by date 3 she's getting on my nerves. I don't know.

If you don't want to be in a relationship just yet, there's no need to rush yourself into one. A lot of people in their early 20s are iffy when it comes to getting tied down to a relationship - I've gone on so many dates with people who admitted they "weren't sure what they were looking for". Plus, maybe you just haven't met anyone who you felt was "relationship material". It's normal to find someone attractive without wanting a relationship with them. It might take longer than you expected to move past your ex, and as time passes you might start noticing the flaws in your relationship with her. Your relationship with her probably wasn't perfect, regardless of how it might seem right now. Just give yourself time.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50439981]If you don't want to be in a relationship just yet, there's no need to rush yourself into one. A lot of people in their early 20s are iffy when it comes to getting tied down to a relationship - I've gone on so many dates with people who admitted they "weren't sure what they were looking for". Plus, maybe you just haven't met anyone who you felt was "relationship material". It's normal to find someone attractive without wanting a relationship with them. It might take longer than you expected to move past your ex, and as time passes you might start noticing the flaws in your relationship with her. Your relationship with her probably wasn't perfect, regardless of how it might seem right now. Just give yourself time.[/QUOTE] Oh lord, our relationship was a hot mess. We fought nigh constantly. She was a very easily jealous girl and I was the kind of guy that set her off REALLY easily. I romanticize the parts that were good, but good god did we fight a lot. The fact that we lasted as long as we did is staggering. I know why I miss her because in my head she's still my dream girl, the sweet nerdy little redhead I met in high school you know? I feel weird because the first couple of dates I thought I really dug this girl but today for whatever reason I kept asking myself if this is someone I really wanted to be with and I just couldn't see myself. I feel horrible about it because she's [I]really[/I] into it and I'm not feeling it at all and I can't stand hurting people. Even today I kidna guilted myself into going to dinner with her