Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Confused111;50530077]Guys, I got out of a long-term relationship two weeks ago and want to get back out there but I've only ever been in long-term relationships for the last ~4 years and have no fucking clue where to start, what do I do? Should I wait longer?[/QUOTE] Did it end on good terms? Do you feel like you want to date and get to know new people? If so, I recommend okcupid. Met my current girlfriend of 10 months off there. It's good to see who's in your area and test the waters [editline]16th June 2016[/editline] Man if you told me 6 years ago that meeting people online would be as hugely popular as it is now I'd probably be hesitant to believe you. But times have definitely changed

[QUOTE=Confused111;50530077]Guys, I got out of a long-term relationship two weeks ago and want to get back out there but I've only ever been in long-term relationships for the last ~4 years and have no fucking clue where to start, what do I do? Should I wait longer?[/QUOTE] I'd recommend waiting on the getting back into a relationship. I think what would be best is to go out meet some new people and enjoy yourself. For the length I'd say wait at least a month before you go back into the dating world, unless you know %100 you're ready to get back to it.

[QUOTE=DELL;50534074]I'd recommend waiting on the getting back into a relationship. I think what would be best is to go out meet some new people and enjoy yourself. For the length I'd say wait at least a month before you go back into the dating world, unless you know %100 you're ready to get back to it.[/QUOTE] Just do whatever feels right for you man, if you're ready to get back out there already, do it.

-snippy-

As I've been told by a women you'll never know if you don't try.

so in the end i decided it'd be best if my date and i only remained friends, no specific reason. however now we're besties so that's cool the tinder hunt resumes

[QUOTE=Confused111;50530077]Guys, I got out of a long-term relationship two weeks ago and want to get back out there but I've only ever been in long-term relationships for the last ~4 years and have no fucking clue where to start, what do I do? Should I wait longer?[/QUOTE] There is no formula, I'm afraid. But there aren't much chances of success if you're still grieving over your ex. Think about how you met your ex and how things started between you two. What's the system that works best for you? That will give you some clues on how things work out for you. Going "out there" is pretty generic. And "going out clubbing/parties/etc" are pretty generic activities advice givers use as an example. My advice, if you're going out there to meet people is to do it in an environment where you feel comfortable. Don't feel pressured to go clubbing or dancing because "that's where the girls are" just to find someone. If you're somewhere you don't feel comfortable in, chances are you aren't going to get much luck. Try meeting people through your friends, meeting people that enjoy the same activities than you do. If you like going out dancing at night, for example, and you're enthusiastic about it, then you should definitely do it because it's where you're comfortable at and people will pick up on that. Otherwise if it isn't your thing then don't do it. Don't follow formulas. Some people tell you that you should "hit the gym" or "do sports", but really, do whatever works for you, because that's where you have the most chances or meeting the best people for you.

finally dropped the ball and cancelled my plans with my friend for Dubai and the zoo due to the cost and me not really wanting to join the zoo for 4 days. told her I was sorry and that I should have said it earlier, that I didn't really have that many "good" options to choose from to resolve the situation. it's either not coming or joining, depleting my own cash reserves in the process and bringing along a bad mood. I'm now blocked on Facebook and was firmly told we'll talk once I've learnt to not feel so sorry for myself, when I've learnt to put myself in her shoes, once I've learned to sympathize and was accused for things that have no root in reality. I quite literally just dropped the facts on the table. "I'm scraped for cash and I'd rather save up the little I have for more important things in my life instead of spending four days in the zoo and two weeks in Dubai. I'm sorry that I didn't bring it up earlier but I knew the reaction would be strong and I didn't want to upset you but no matter what I do here, I'd upset you anyway. I apologize" I worded myself carefully despite getting irritated over all of her accusations and lack of understanding. apparently I was "lying" to her and so on, she went pretty far. apparently since she is able to save up for all of this that means I also can so my "excuses" weren't good enough in her eyes. I wonder how she's able to save up when the state pays for her rent, when she never buys food and only eats at work and practically lives like a hobo otherwise. I'm not there, I pay rent, for my own food and those necessary luxuries I need to have a good life. I really hope she doesn't unblock me to be honest. I hope she doesn't take contact again. this was the final drop to me, if she's gonna go so far just because she's not getting her will then she's someone I don't want around me. I'd rather save up money than to go on trips I don't want to partake in

[QUOTE=PredGD;50543256]finally dropped the ball and cancelled my plans with my friend for Dubai and the zoo due to the cost and me not really wanting to join the zoo for 4 days. told her I was sorry and that I should have said it earlier, that I didn't really have that many "good" options to choose from to resolve the situation. it's either not coming or joining, depleting my own cash reserves in the process and bringing along a bad mood. I'm now blocked on Facebook and was firmly told we'll talk once I've learnt to not feel so sorry for myself, when I've learnt to put myself in her shoes, once I've learned to sympathize and was accused for things that have no root in reality. I quite literally just dropped the facts on the table. "I'm scraped for cash and I'd rather save up the little I have for more important things in my life instead of spending four days in the zoo and two weeks in Dubai. I'm sorry that I didn't bring it up earlier but I knew the reaction would be strong and I didn't want to upset you but no matter what I do here, I'd upset you anyway. I apologize" I worded myself carefully despite getting irritated over all of her accusations and lack of understanding. apparently I was "lying" to her and so on, she went pretty far. apparently since she is able to save up for all of this that means I also can so my "excuses" weren't good enough in her eyes. I wonder how she's able to save up when the state pays for her rent, when she never buys food and only eats at work and practically lives like a hobo otherwise. I'm not there, I pay rent, for my own food and those necessary luxuries I need to have a good life. I really hope she doesn't unblock me to be honest. I hope she doesn't take contact again. this was the final drop to me, if she's gonna go so far just because she's not getting her will then she's someone I don't want around me. I'd rather save up money than to go on trips I don't want to partake in[/QUOTE] Sounds like she is a pretty bad friend. If I were you even if she does unblock you I'd respectfully tell her that what she did was not on and you'd like your distance from now on

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50541261]There is no formula, I'm afraid. But there aren't much chances of success if you're still grieving over your ex. Think about how you met your ex and how things started between you two. What's the system that works best for you? That will give you some clues on how things work out for you. Going "out there" is pretty generic. And "going out clubbing/parties/etc" are pretty generic activities advice givers use as an example. My advice, if you're going out there to meet people is to do it in an environment where you feel comfortable. Don't feel pressured to go clubbing or dancing because "that's where the girls are" just to find someone. If you're somewhere you don't feel comfortable in, chances are you aren't going to get much luck. Try meeting people through your friends, meeting people that enjoy the same activities than you do. If you like going out dancing at night, for example, and you're enthusiastic about it, then you should definitely do it because it's where you're comfortable at and people will pick up on that. Otherwise if it isn't your thing then don't do it. Don't follow formulas. Some people tell you that you should "hit the gym" or "do sports", but really, do whatever works for you, because that's where you have the most chances or meeting the best people for you.[/QUOTE] I'm not grieving. I think things ended ok, so I'm not too upset. I'm currently a college student on summer break, but I'm up at school and no one really is here. The town itself is kind of boring, but I wouldn't know where to start when looking for events in the first place. I don't even know if there are clubs to go to around here, haha. This might be a strange question, but how do I look for things to do in town? Just general ideas? I'm actually super bored up here. I don't really know anyone in the town, and like I said, no one is here. Where should I look for activities?

Out of my own selfishness, I've ruined whatever friendship I had with my travel buddy. And we are no longer friends. [editline]19th June 2016[/editline] I've tried to keep it together, but in the end she decided its not possible. [editline]19th June 2016[/editline] If she said that's it, is it still worth a shot asking if she still wants to talk?

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;50547081]Out of my own selfishness, I've ruined whatever friendship I had with my travel buddy. And we are no longer friends. [editline]19th June 2016[/editline] I've tried to keep it together, but in the end she decided its not possible. [editline]19th June 2016[/editline] If she said that's it, is it still worth a shot asking if she still wants to talk?[/QUOTE] not really

[QUOTE=Trixil;50525122]today is going to be my last day in middle school and i will go to 9th grade on august 29th. but i'm kind of worried about the outlook of my social life. i want to be social and for many years i was always that kid who would sit alone at recess and barely talked (however, i am much more willing to talk to people online). it's not depression or anything, it's just that i'm not comfortable enough talking to people to go out and have active conversations with my classmates. i do have a few friends, but my friendship with the person that connected me with them was only started because i found out he was interested in video games too - something i think shouldn't limit who and who i don't want to be friends with. and i think that one of the main attributes that is causing this is my self-esteem. i'm shy and reluctant to say anything because i'm very afraid i'll say something embarrassing or something i should keep to myself - which is what i did all the time in 5th-6th grade and now i ridicule myself everyday thinking about those cringy things i said/did. i don't want to be a lonely loser with no friends in high school so i was wanting to have a fresh start in highschool; by that i mean i'll try to be more socially active while gladly knowing my classmates don't remember all the dumb stuff i did. and the only way i'll have a successful "fresh start" is if i raise my self-esteem and be more open. so, facepunch, do you know anything i can do to try to be more assertive/socially active?[/QUOTE] First off, I just want to say that this made me feel old aha. I joined Facepunch when I was in my last year of middle school or something like that, and now I have a full time career with bills and stuff. Secondly, I can relate withy our shoes. In middle school and through my first two years of high school I was very reluctant to go out and make friends and be sociable. Remember though, you're young, there's no reason to fret about such things like that. To answer your question though, the best thing to do is to just attempt to be more sociable. It's a redundant answer, and seems like a "well duh" thing, but like any activity you do, you won't get better unless you practice. Answer some questions in class, participate in discussions, jump into conversations that you hear that you might know something about, or heck, ask questions about the conversation if you're just curious. You'll feel stupid, you'll feel cringey, and think that its not worth it trying to be something you're not. But that's the thing. Fake it till you got it, and for some (and I guess many), they never really get it. Just remember, it's okay, because that's how we learn.

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;50547081]Out of my own selfishness, I've ruined whatever friendship I had with my travel buddy. And we are no longer friends. [editline]19th June 2016[/editline] I've tried to keep it together, but in the end she decided its not possible. [editline]19th June 2016[/editline] If she said that's it, is it still worth a shot asking if she still wants to talk?[/QUOTE]You'll have to get over it I'm afraid. Trying to talk to her right now would be a big mistake that will only make things worse. Give it time, maybe she'll want to talk to you again later.

How do you guys not get jealous when you see other people in relationships and you're single? I haven't posted in here for a while or so, but I've sort of come to the conclusion (with a lot of lot thought) that I wasn't meant to be with anyone due to some bad personality traits, (I'm not negative towards other people, just myself and I'm a very unusual person, I like movies that are considered bad, I have an inferiority/superiority complex, I'm interested in things no one cares about). And I understand single life is better for some people like me. But sometimes I go to a party or a restaurant and think "I wish I had someone to experience this with", then I see couples and get jealous. So how do you guys just go, "that sort of thing wasn't meant for me" and move on? Is it will power? I'd imagine it's similar to how you guys deal with rejection, so how do you guys deal with rejection and move on, especially if it's a strong attraction?

You can't "move on" from such harmful attitude as "nobody will ever love me". You are concluding that relationships are not for you not because you are happier alone, but because you have certain personality traits that you find incompatible with the entire population of earth. I suggest that you ought to give it more thought.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50543256]finally dropped the ball and cancelled my plans with my friend for Dubai and the zoo due to the cost and me not really wanting to join the zoo for 4 days. told her I was sorry and that I should have said it earlier, that I didn't really have that many "good" options to choose from to resolve the situation. it's either not coming or joining, depleting my own cash reserves in the process and bringing along a bad mood. I'm now blocked on Facebook and was firmly told we'll talk once I've learnt to not feel so sorry for myself, when I've learnt to put myself in her shoes, once I've learned to sympathize and was accused for things that have no root in reality. I quite literally just dropped the facts on the table. "I'm scraped for cash and I'd rather save up the little I have for more important things in my life instead of spending four days in the zoo and two weeks in Dubai. I'm sorry that I didn't bring it up earlier but I knew the reaction would be strong and I didn't want to upset you but no matter what I do here, I'd upset you anyway. I apologize" I worded myself carefully despite getting irritated over all of her accusations and lack of understanding. apparently I was "lying" to her and so on, she went pretty far. apparently since she is able to save up for all of this that means I also can so my "excuses" weren't good enough in her eyes. I wonder how she's able to save up when the state pays for her rent, when she never buys food and only eats at work and practically lives like a hobo otherwise. I'm not there, I pay rent, for my own food and those necessary luxuries I need to have a good life. I really hope she doesn't unblock me to be honest. I hope she doesn't take contact again. this was the final drop to me, if she's gonna go so far just because she's not getting her will then she's someone I don't want around me. I'd rather save up money than to go on trips I don't want to partake in[/QUOTE] I remember talking to you about this on here before, and I'm really glad you plucked up courage to be honest with her. She sounds very immature, and to be honest, you wouldn't want someone like that in your life from what I can tell. Time heals wounds, and maybe you'll rekindle your friendship when she decides to woman up, and be a decent person. However, for now, distancing yourself sounds like a fantastic idea. From our previous conversation too, I think your happiness can only improve now that you no longer have that stress in your life :D People who ditch you because they aren't getting their own way all the time are so not worth the time or effort! Good luck with everything, and I hope that you find some new, decent buddies that you can enjoy life with :D [editline]19th June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=RoboChimp;50549182]How do you guys not get jealous when you see other people in relationships and you're single? [/QUOTE] I don't get jealous as such, it's more just like an "I used to have that, and I don't have it anymore, oh that sucks" sort of thing. The way I think of it is I just remind myself of how I felt when I was in a relationship, and rather than feel jealous, I feel happiness that other people are experiencing what I once had, and that I am happy that they are lucky to have that. Of course, you can't just see two people in a relationship in the street and assume you know everything about them. For all you know, they could be in a difficult stage right now, and just having a good day. I know it can be hard to not be jealous, but one day you will get that, and you will experience a fulfilling relationship (whether that lasts a few months, a year or a life time). Sometimes singles get jealous of people in relationships, and then when they get in one themselves, they discover that they are not ready for commitment. It's normal to feel jealousy, but this can be easily converted into feelings of happiness for those people, and realisation that real love does exist and that you will get there some day. [QUOTE] I'd imagine it's similar to how you guys deal with rejection, so how do you guys deal with rejection and move on, especially if it's a strong attraction?[/QUOTE] You just have to realise you are not in control of someone else and their emotions. They make their own decisions, just as you make your own decisions too. There's not much you can do about rejection, it's not your decision to make. Just occupy yourself as much as possible. There is no set time as to when you should or shouldn't get over someone - sometimes people never do truly get over it (I've heard men struggle more than women, though tbh who knows/cares about gender stereotypes). It's all about just channeling that energy into yourself. People think that wallowing and dealing with your current emotions is bad, and that you should just get on with life, but actually dealing with those emotions of sadness etc at an early stage is a critical point of getting yourself through the rejection. Rather than focusing on what someone else did wrong, focus on what you think you did wrong, or what your flaws were. Like I said before, you can only control yourself, so work on yourself. Make yourself a better person, spend time with some buddies you haven't seen in a while, start a new hobby, whatever you like. Just keep yourself busy, and though you still have feelings, those will eventually fade, and you will be able to move on properly. Also, another thing to note, other people might be telling you there is still hope of reconciliation, though I wouldn't pay too much attention - in most cases there is a chance, but don't focus on that. Focus as if there is no chance, otherwise you'll be hitting pause button on your life, and waiting around for someone who may never re-show. It's not worth it, focus on making yourself happy.

[QUOTE=SXBIG;50549180]You'll have to get over it I'm afraid. Trying to talk to her right now would be a big mistake that will only make things worse. Give it time, maybe she'll want to talk to you again later.[/QUOTE] You see, it was my fault. I ruined what I had initially wanted to prevent. I had talked to a friend of ours because I wasn't sure I could trust her. And now, not any longer. And we were supposed to do 3 months in south korea before going back. Is it still worth it to stay to prove her wrong? That I am able to make it through 3 months here?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;50549182]How do you guys not get jealous when you see other people in relationships and you're single? I haven't posted in here for a while or so, but I've sort of come to the conclusion (with a lot of lot thought) that I wasn't meant to be with anyone due to some bad personality traits, (I'm not negative towards other people, just myself and I'm a very unusual person, I like movies that are considered bad, I have an inferiority/superiority complex, I'm interested in things no one cares about). And I understand single life is better for some people like me. But sometimes I go to a party or a restaurant and think "I wish I had someone to experience this with", then I see couples and get jealous. So how do you guys just go, "that sort of thing wasn't meant for me" and move on? Is it will power? I'd imagine it's similar to how you guys deal with rejection, so how do you guys deal with rejection and move on, especially if it's a strong attraction?[/QUOTE] You don't move on, you have to find self-love and accept you for yourself. Once you do that you'll most likely find someone and even if you stay single, you won't be negative to yourself anymore.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50549216]Maybe you're using the "I was never meant to be with someone" as an excuse to not try to be with anyone, so you have something to "blame" it on, or because you don't want to give it an attempt out of fear. Have you tried being in relationships? Because bad personality traits has not stopped anyone before![/QUOTE]Well I have borderline asperges, which means I'm a bit more odd than most people. I've never been in a relationship no, but I think obvious that I'm a someone who isn't really compatible with other people. [QUOTE=Cosa8888;50550343]You can't "move on" from such harmful attitude as "nobody will ever love me". You are concluding that relationships are not for you not because you are happier alone, but because you have certain personality traits that you find incompatible with the entire population of earth. I suggest that you ought to give it more thought.[/QUOTE]More like the entire population of Sydney. I'm more or less a very uninteresting person, but the main issue is that I don't think like normal people, so I think it's best that I keep to myself instead of intruding in someone life. [QUOTE=Firecat;50550399]I have accepted that i am very hard to socialize with for long periods of time, I've learned to enjoy time by myself and to just general accept the fact that i am lonely sometimes, but I don't let it get to me I am just going on with my normal stuff figuring that something might happen sometimes or I'll get lucky but I'm not seeking people[/QUOTE] I understand that, but how do you not let it get to you at times? That's the part I struggle with. [QUOTE=GisG56;50550481]I don't get jealous as such, it's more just like an "I used to have that, and I don't have it anymore, oh that sucks" sort of thing. The way I think of it is I just remind myself of how I felt when I was in a relationship, and rather than feel jealous, I feel happiness that other people are experiencing what I once had, and that I am happy that they are lucky to have that. Of course, you can't just see two people in a relationship in the street and assume you know everything about them. For all you know, they could be in a difficult stage right now, and just having a good day. I know it can be hard to not be jealous, but one day you will get that, and you will experience a fulfilling relationship (whether that lasts a few months, a year or a life time). Sometimes singles get jealous of people in relationships, and then when they get in one themselves, they discover that they are not ready for commitment. It's normal to feel jealousy, but this can be easily converted into feelings of happiness for those people, and realisation that real love does exist and that you will get there some day. You just have to realise you are not in control of someone else and their emotions. They make their own decisions, just as you make your own decisions too. There's not much you can do about rejection, it's not your decision to make. Just occupy yourself as much as possible. There is no set time as to when you should or shouldn't get over someone - sometimes people never do truly get over it (I've heard men struggle more than women, though tbh who knows/cares about gender stereotypes). It's all about just channeling that energy into yourself. People think that wallowing and dealing with your current emotions is bad, and that you should just get on with life, but actually dealing with those emotions of sadness etc at an early stage is a critical point of getting yourself through the rejection. Rather than focusing on what someone else did wrong, focus on what you think you did wrong, or what your flaws were. Like I said before, you can only control yourself, so work on yourself. Make yourself a better person, spend time with some buddies you haven't seen in a while, start a new hobby, whatever you like. Just keep yourself busy, and though you still have feelings, those will eventually fade, and you will be able to move on properly. Also, another thing to note, other people might be telling you there is still hope of reconciliation, though I wouldn't pay too much attention - in most cases there is a chance, but don't focus on that. Focus as if there is no chance, otherwise you'll be hitting pause button on your life, and waiting around for someone who may never re-show. It's not worth it, focus on making yourself happy.[/QUOTE]I've never really had anything that intimate myself, but I can imagine that it would be nice to have someone there and so I assume if in theory there was someone who was compatible it would be nice to share experiences with them. I don't want to get jealous, but it's an experience I've never had and I'm getting pretty close to 30. [QUOTE=DELL;50552333]You don't move on, you have to find self-love and accept you for yourself. Once you do that you'll most likely find someone and even if you stay single, you won't be negative to yourself anymore.[/QUOTE]Well that's part of the reason I think I'm not cut out for it. I have no self-love and really don't like myself, I can't really see any reason why anyone but my family would. Which is why I think it's better for me to learn how to ignore any interest in a relationship.

Being on the autism or aspergers spectrum doesn't make you unlovable or make your behavior impossible to deal with, nor does it mean that you're not cut out for relationships. Even people without those mental traits have trouble with relationships based out of inexperience, social anxiety, or poor decision making. Relationships are not automatic for anyone and take time, effort, and work to really find somebody who you vibe with. Some people have an easier time than others having casual flings because they're either attractive or charming, but others are more focused on long-term relationships with the eventual goal of partnership or marriage. If you have social anxiety, it takes time and patience and outside help, sometimes, to get yourself into a healthier mindset regarding the people around you. Self-love isn't always necessary for a successful relationship either, though it can become complicated if the person you are interested in finds reassuring you too troublesome. But that goes for anyone who suffers from depression or low self-esteem. It takes communication with someone who you're interested in. Overall, relationships, romantic or otherwise, with other people takes time, effort, and investment. You don't get a quick return like 99% of the time without putting forth some modicum of courage to maintain those relationships. I would try out more online dating resources. Those tend to be a better platform for sharing some about yourself without having to actually verbally try and explain your thought processes. But even that takes effort. There's no easy-way-out, unless you're resigned to never pursue romantic attractions. Which is fine too, but that's certainly not your only option just because you don't think like a normal person. (Which is kind of a silly statement in and of itself because people can have all sorts of mental traits that make them see the world and their lives differently and in different ways and forms and separating it into just "normal" and "abnormal" people doesn't make sense with the amount of cognitive diversity between people from different backgrounds.) Anyway, there's my two cents.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;50555058] Well that's part of the reason I think I'm not cut out for it. I have no self-love and really don't like myself, I can't really see any reason why anyone but my family would. Which is why I think it's better for me to learn how to ignore any interest in a relationship.[/QUOTE] I got through borderline personality disorder, which is pretty much chronic traumatic stress disorder. Which wires the brain to such horrible thought patterns that any sort of function is very very hard. I made it through it by putting the work in, for me though I needed someone to accept me as me. Which allowed me to fight and work through it and now that person won't talk to me. Now that I have that self-love it doesn't phase me in the sense of not worth it. Still makes me feel sad though I'm going to try and fix what I've done because well they have my loyalty for life. Which I'm the only other person to get my loyalty for life, everyone else get's love though those get conditions. On the borderline aspergers, just be fucking weird ass shit. If someone can't accept you for you then they aren't really someone you should want in your life anyways. I mean I have god knows how many bizarre things I do yet people still accept me.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;50555058] I've never really had anything that intimate myself, but I can imagine that it would be nice to have someone there and so I assume if in theory there was someone who was compatible it would be nice to share experiences with them. I don't want to get jealous, but it's an experience I've never had and I'm getting pretty close to 30. [/QUOTE] Oh okay. Yes, even if it is temporarily. I find that if you're actively searching you don't usually find anything - these things come naturally. You and someone else will literally just be drawn to each other, and sometimes that can be from friendship to relationship, or it can be an immediate connection. For my previous most recent experience, it was the latter. I understand. From your previous posts, I've noticed you mention about low self esteem etc. Unfortunately, people cannot help you if you are not helping yourself. Everyone is cut out for a relationship, but for a relationship to be a real success you need to be at a good point in your life, and have some sort of stability. It's okay to not like everything about yourself, or even have low self esteem, but there are many ways you can improve this. If you think you're boring, pick up a new hobby. At the end of the day, what you think about yourself is way more important than what others think of you. You shouldn't ignore interest in a relationship - everyone deserves to be happy in partnership with someone they are in love with. Everyone has potential to be great, you should embrace talents you have, pick up new ones, and show everyone (but most importantly, yourself) what you can do. It will take time but you'll get there. You deserve to be happy with another human as much as anyone else does, don't isolate yourself.

I'm being a bit negative, but I do really appreciate the replies. [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50555460]It sounds like you just don't want to put in the effort to raise your self esteem. You just make excuses to cover it up. We can't help you unless you put some effort into it. That goes for dating, self-esteem, everything. It all takes work![/QUOTE]Well what do I do to raise my self esteem? [QUOTE=Pascall;50555508]Being on the autism or aspergers spectrum doesn't make you unlovable or make your behavior impossible to deal with, nor does it mean that you're not cut out for relationships. Even people without those mental traits have trouble with relationships based out of inexperience, social anxiety, or poor decision making. Relationships are not automatic for anyone and take time, effort, and work to really find somebody who you vibe with. Some people have an easier time than others having casual flings because they're either attractive or charming, but others are more focused on long-term relationships with the eventual goal of partnership or marriage. If you have social anxiety, it takes time and patience and outside help, sometimes, to get yourself into a healthier mindset regarding the people around you. Self-love isn't always necessary for a successful relationship either, though it can become complicated if the person you are interested in finds reassuring you too troublesome. But that goes for anyone who suffers from depression or low self-esteem. It takes communication with someone who you're interested in. Overall, relationships, romantic or otherwise, with other people takes time, effort, and investment. You don't get a quick return like 99% of the time without putting forth some modicum of courage to maintain those relationships. I would try out more online dating resources. Those tend to be a better platform for sharing some about yourself without having to actually verbally try and explain your thought processes. But even that takes effort. There's no easy-way-out, unless you're resigned to never pursue romantic attractions. Which is fine too, but that's certainly not your only option just because you don't think like a normal person. (Which is kind of a silly statement in and of itself because people can have all sorts of mental traits that make them see the world and their lives differently and in different ways and forms and separating it into just "normal" and "abnormal" people doesn't make sense with the amount of cognitive diversity between people from different backgrounds.) Anyway, there's my two cents.[/QUOTE]I don't know, it seems like there's no one out there whose's on my wavelength. Self esteem is one side of it I guess, but when you notice how annoying people find you, it seems like you're better off alone. As far as online dating goes I thought it was more for people who are more 'average' or the majority or whatever you call them, people who actually watch reality TV. [QUOTE=DELL;50556251]I got through borderline personality disorder, which is pretty much chronic traumatic stress disorder. Which wires the brain to such horrible thought patterns that any sort of function is very very hard. I made it through it by putting the work in, for me though I needed someone to accept me as me. Which allowed me to fight and work through it and now that person won't talk to me. Now that I have that self-love it doesn't phase me in the sense of not worth it. Still makes me feel sad though I'm going to try and fix what I've done because well they have my loyalty for life. Which I'm the only other person to get my loyalty for life, everyone else get's love though those get conditions. On the borderline aspergers, just be fucking weird ass shit. If someone can't accept you for you then they aren't really someone you should want in your life anyways. I mean I have god knows how many bizarre things I do yet people still accept me.[/QUOTE]Well I'm glad to hear you managed to accept your quirks, I've always felt embarrassed by mine. But I guess my strangeness is partly way I've always been attracted to girls who were a bit out there or eccentric, I guess I partly assume that I'd have a connection with that sort of person. These days I tend to believe that those sort of people are all paired up or are difficult to find. But I see couples and wonder where all the single people sometimes. [QUOTE=GisG56;50558005]Oh okay. Yes, even if it is temporarily. I find that if you're actively searching you don't usually find anything - these things come naturally. You and someone else will literally just be drawn to each other, and sometimes that can be from friendship to relationship, or it can be an immediate connection. For my previous most recent experience, it was the latter. I understand. From your previous posts, I've noticed you mention about low self esteem etc. Unfortunately, people cannot help you if you are not helping yourself. Everyone is cut out for a relationship, but for a relationship to be a real success you need to be at a good point in your life, and have some sort of stability. It's okay to not like everything about yourself, or even have low self esteem, but there are many ways you can improve this. If you think you're boring, pick up a new hobby. At the end of the day, what you think about yourself is way more important than what others think of you. You shouldn't ignore interest in a relationship - everyone deserves to be happy in partnership with someone they are in love with. Everyone has potential to be great, you should embrace talents you have, pick up new ones, and show everyone (but most importantly, yourself) what you can do. It will take time but you'll get there. You deserve to be happy with another human as much as anyone else does, don't isolate yourself.[/QUOTE]I never really understood why you don't find anyone if you're actively searching. The concept that it'll just happen seems daunting, I've been single my entire life, including all the social events I've been to, so I don't see how it'll happen without some for of searching or intention.

Online dating can be for anyone. You just have to utilize the right dating service. For instance, if you're looking for something more than just a hookup, you'll probably want to use OkCupid over something like Tinder. But online dating is becoming bigger and bigger and to not use it when it's there (and best of all, [I]free[/I]) is definitely losing out on the opportunity to at least meet new people.

Speaking of online dating I'll have a first date tomorrow with a girl I met on Plenty of Fishes. We're into the same kind of music, movies, shows, and she's pretty funny sometimes. She took pretty quick to calling me things like 'sweetie', 'cutie', and 'hun' so I'm thinking she may just use those words casually or I'm more dashing then I thought. She's 23 to my 20. She's 3 hours away but the commute to my old job was around an hour so long I'm not bothered by long rides and I don't get to go into the city often. Online dating can work, it take dozens of attempts striking up a conversation, most will ignore you and some will try to make the first contact before you. Some girls prefer a simple 'hey' or want you read their profile and message them something to prove you've read it. For me this is also a opportunity to meet girls with interests or hobbies I've never considered and give myself life experience to help me grow as a person.

I wouldn't message girls "hey". That's a pretty generic message. My filter is full of messages with just "hey" that are so uninteresting lol. It's a better idea to do the other thing you suggested and figure out something they like and try and strike up a conversation around that.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50563386]I wouldn't message girls "hey". That's a pretty generic message. My filter is full of messages with just "hey" that are so uninteresting lol. It's a better idea to do the other thing you suggested and figure out something they like and try and strike up a conversation around that.[/QUOTE] I know 'hey' is boring and the other one is how I got started talking with the girl I'm going to meet, but I found 'hey' gets me more replies somehow. Also some girls have messaged me first with nothing more then 'hey :)' so it goes both ways.

So my ex texted me today and for my surprise I just feel pissed off. I had removed her number at least a month after we broke up and formatted my phone a couple of times so I did lost her number for good and removed her from facebook. I completely cut off with that poisonous snake and I've been knowing peace ever since. But we all know how toxic people and sociopaths work. They keep bouncing back testing the waters. And that's what she did today. So I received one of those automated text messages you can send people when you're out of credit on your phone and you want them to call you. The number looked oddly familiar, and I suspected for a while that it was my ex. However I thought she had no business wanting me to call her so I called the number to know who it was, since I lost a bunch of contacts during my phone formatting. I hung up after two beeps because I was afraid it could be her, so I texted the number. And the conversation went as follows: [QUOTE] [B]Her:[/B] CallMe Service: The number [her number] asks you to call. [B]Me:[/B] Who is this, I got a CallMe message from this number. [B]Her:[/B] No. No you didn't. [B]Me:[/B] *sends screenshot of the message* I've formated my phone not long ago and I lost the numbers I had on memory. Who am I talking to? [B]Her:[/B] That CallMe is probably months old. It's [Name]. Not that it interests you. [B]Me:[/B] No... it really doesn't... [B]Her:[/B] You just lost a great opportunity to shut the fuck up. Now I'm the one who's going to "lose" your number. [B]Me:[/B] ok [/QUOTE] Why am I telling you about this? Well, first I needed to write this down, vent. Second, the moment I knew it was her, I started shaking, like I was talking to someone who abused me (and she did). I know it looks like I kept my cool on that exchange, but for my surprise, I started shaking, and my heart started pounding in anger. I just wanted out. And that bitch had just entered in my space away from her to try and see if she could seduce me into falling in her trap of attention. I feel angry that this has happened and that I let her in. I know she's gonna keep doing this in the future. Anyway, just wanted to vent. I think that I'm angry because I've suffered so much after this breakup and I worked really hard to rebuild my confidence and build a life away from her. I completely banned her and everything that had to do with her from my life. Let's say, I created this protecting bubble away from her and I built in my subconscious so I could be safe from her. This message exchange... it represents me letting her in, me falling for a trick, a clickbait and imprudently letting her in, and that "bubble" popped.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50563916]So my ex texted me today and for my surprise I just feel pissed off. I had removed her number at least a month after we broke up and formatted my phone a couple of times so I did lost her number for good and removed her from facebook. I completely cut off with that poisonous snake and I've been knowing peace ever since. But we all know how toxic people and sociopaths work. They keep bouncing back testing the waters. And that's what she did today. So I received one of those automated text messages you can send people when you're out of credit on your phone and you want them to call you. The number looked oddly familiar, and I suspected for a while that it was my ex. However I thought she had no business wanting me to call her so I called the number to know who it was, since I lost a bunch of contacts during my phone formatting. I hung up after two beeps because I was afraid it could be her, so I texted the number. And the conversation went as follows: Why am I telling you about this? Well, first I needed to write this down, vent. Second, the moment I knew it was her, I started shaking, like I was talking to someone who abused me (and she did). I know it looks like I kept my cool on that exchange, but for my surprise, I started shaking, and my heart started pounding in anger. I just wanted out. And that bitch had just entered in my space away from her to try and see if she could seduce me into falling in her trap of attention. I feel angry that this has happened and that I let her in. I know she's gonna keep doing this in the future. Anyway, just wanted to vent.[/QUOTE] All you can do is continue avoiding these kinds of people. You did well to shut them down quick in my opinion. I failed to do this several times years back, kept being dragged back into relationships where I wasn't happy. man what great milestone post, 50 posts.