Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

I just told a friend of mine I didn't want to be her friend when I told her I wanted something more and she said she needed friends. I did it because I've had enough of being "just friends" with people that I actually like, especially her who I've liked for a while but with who it has never really worked out because of really petty stuff that I let get in between and making me shun her away. Feel like it may be a mistake, but at the same time, not only can't I be bothered to enter the 20th bra shop in a day and listen to her friendly shit after knowing her track record, I don't want to end up being "that one guy in the pictures who didn't get to 1st place", who slowly went "insane" and just became sort of part of the house. The fact that I poured out why I didn't want to be her friend and she just answered with "ok" and "ok 2x" didn't help with the slightly simmering rage either...

You did the better choice, is unhealthy to bottle up emotions like this for the sake of others. Sometimes you gotta put yourself in first plan.

I hope you're right. Right now I kinda wish she'd figure herself out, talked to me and somehow undone it, but yeah...

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50655533]I did it because I've had enough of being "just friends" with people that I actually like[/quote] So it's not even about her... [QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50655533]especially her who I've liked for a while but with who it has never really worked out because of really petty stuff that I let get in between and making me shun her away.[/QUOTE] You weren't even initially interested in her. You say yourself you "shunned her away" - why act like she's any different from any other girl now? [QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50655533]I don't want to end up being "that one guy in the pictures who didn't get to 1st place"[/quote] So, again, it has nothing to do with her or whatever feelings you (don't) have for her. You just don't want to be left out. It's hard to sympathize when you're objectifying her this much. Sounds like both of you are better off.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50656281]So it's not even about her... You weren't even initially interested in her. You say yourself you "shunned her away" - why act like she's any different from any other girl now? So, again, it has nothing to do with her or whatever feelings you (don't) have for her. You just don't want to be left out. It's hard to sympathize when you're objectifying her this much. Sounds like both of you are better off.[/QUOTE] Wait, why did you thought it was about her? It's me doing the "complaint", so its probably about me right? And who says I wasn't interested in her? I have been for a while, but every time we try to get anywhere, something happens. When that happened, she fell off the face of the earth when away in college for a whole 2 days, and then resurfaced acting like nothing had happened, after she spent the night in the E.R from drinking too much and passing out, having her stomach pumped. When I scolded her for doing stupid shit like that, she disregarded me completely and just went "bla bla bla k lol". I stopped giving a fuck about her, and she called me a cunt on top of it. I shunned her away because she was an irresponsible brat every time we had an argument, even when it was her fault. I really don't get where do you get that "you don't have feelings for her" or whatever objectifying there is in that. Ever considered people would rather be together with someone else in a bigger relationship than just being friends?

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50657164]I really don't get where do you get that "you don't have feelings for her" or whatever objectifying there is in that.[/QUOTE] guy mentioned objectifying because you essentially described the girl as a trophy with that line about getting 1st place

If you're tired of being "just friends", you need to work on knowing when someone is not interested to begin with. "Just friends" is not a consolation prize, dude. If her friendship is being seen as a silver or bronze medal, then you shouldn't even be friends, let alone trying to pursue her for a relationship.

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50655533]I just told a friend of mine I didn't want to be her friend when I told her I wanted something more and she said she needed friends. I did it because I've had enough of being "just friends" with people that I actually like, especially her who I've liked for a while but with who it has never really worked out because of really petty stuff that I let get in between and making me shun her away. Feel like it may be a mistake, but at the same time, not only can't I be bothered to enter the 20th bra shop in a day and listen to her friendly shit after knowing her track record, I don't want to end up being "that one guy in the pictures who didn't get to 1st place", who slowly went "insane" and just became sort of part of the house. The fact that I poured out why I didn't want to be her friend and she just answered with "ok" and "ok 2x" didn't help with the slightly simmering rage either...[/QUOTE] If you don't like being someones friend then what makes you think you're going to be a good partner? Rephrasing: If you two cannot keep a stable friendship between yourselves & you're unhappy that way then making it deeper is only going to cause problems and hurt.

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;50657328]guy mentioned objectifying because you essentially described the girl as a trophy with that line about getting 1st place[/QUOTE] had nothing to do with that it was just a figure of speech is all [editline]6th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Navarchus;50658902]If you don't like being someones friend then what makes you think you're going to be a good partner? Rephrasing: If you two cannot keep a stable friendship between yourselves & you're unhappy that way then making it deeper is only going to cause problems and hurt.[/QUOTE] the problem is that, I will be the friend, while she is someone else's girlfriend. I most likely won't like that. And I don't like being just her friend, because I like her more than that. We used to have a bit more than that, and she had a slightly different way of being with me, and we looked at each other in a different way. There isn't that anymore. I mean, what am I supposed to do when I want more than a simple friendship, and she doesn't? That's obviously gonna make friction between both of us. [editline]6th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;50657365]If you're tired of being "just friends", you need to work on knowing when someone is not interested to begin with.[/QUOTE] I didn't realise until yday, after a small analysis.

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50659138]had nothing to do with that it was just a figure of speech is all [editline]6th July 2016[/editline] the problem is that, I will be the friend, while she is someone else's girlfriend. I most likely won't like that. And I don't like being just her friend, because I like her more than that. We used to have a bit more than that, and she had a slightly different way of being with me, and we looked at each other in a different way. There isn't that anymore. I mean, what am I supposed to do when I want more than a simple friendship, and she doesn't? That's obviously gonna make friction between both of us. [editline]6th July 2016[/editline] I didn't realise until yday, after a small analysis.[/QUOTE] How about you make a start by not being petty about it, recognising that her happiness is important and if it's not going to work don't be a pussy and make attempts to move on

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50659316]How about you make a start by not being petty about it, recognising that her happiness is important and if it's not going to work don't be a pussy and make attempts to move on[/QUOTE] Because fuck my emotions right? Why should I put someone else's well being before mine btw?

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50657164]Wait, why did you thought it was about her? It's me doing the "complaint", so its probably about me right? And who says I wasn't interested in her? I have been for a while, but every time we try to get anywhere, something happens. When that happened, she fell off the face of the earth when away in college for a whole 2 days, and then resurfaced acting like nothing had happened, after she spent the night in the E.R from drinking too much and passing out, having her stomach pumped. When I scolded her for doing stupid shit like that, she disregarded me completely and just went "bla bla bla k lol". I stopped giving a fuck about her, and she called me a cunt on top of it. I shunned her away because she was an irresponsible brat every time we had an argument, even when it was her fault. I really don't get where do you get that "you don't have feelings for her" or whatever objectifying there is in that. Ever considered people would rather be together with someone else in a bigger relationship than just being friends?[/QUOTE] I feel you man. I was in the same situation as you did. Let me elaborate on how I dealt with it: [B]cut off all contact with her.[/B] Don't look at her messages, Don't look at her Snapchats, Don't talk to her in person, Nothing. I know some of the users here may call this a bad way to better things, but looking at things now, your relationship with her is damaged enough and there's no turning back. 1. [B]You need to better yourself.[/B] You're frustrated from the fact that girls will always treat you as a friend? This is perfectly normal, but you need to take it smoothly next time. Girls see guys who complain a lot as sad people with emotional problems, which is definitely a bad thing. My suggestion is to release that steam on focusing on other things (like lifting weights). I know it sounds like bullshit but personally, working out made me forget about all of my problems. It also gives you a confidence boost so there's nothing to lose. 2. [B]Be more considerate about other girls' decisions.[/B] She rejected you? too bad, that's her loss not yours. There are way more girls who will be more interested in you than she ever was. Also I can post the story about me and my best (female) friend if you want.

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50659447]Because fuck my emotions right? Why should I put someone else's well being before mine btw?[/QUOTE] Because relationships are a two way street and consist of give and take, not "you should be with me because my feelings are stronger and anything less isn't enough". She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. That should be it. If being friends isn't adequate enough for you, then don't be friends. That's literally the end of it, there is nothing more for you. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. [editline]6th July 2016[/editline] If someone found that I wasn't worth being friends with just because I wasn't interested in a relationship with them, then why on earth would I choose to continue even bothering with that person lol. It's pointless.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50659663]Because relationships are a two way street and consist of give and take, not "you should be with me because my feelings are stronger and anything less isn't enough". She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. That should be it. If being friends isn't adequate enough for you, then don't be friends. That's literally the end of it, there is nothing more for you. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. [editline]6th July 2016[/editline] If someone found that I wasn't worth being friends with just because I wasn't interested in a relationship with them, then why on earth would I choose to continue even bothering with that person lol. It's pointless.[/QUOTE] It's a two way street, but it isn't like I give nothing back. I do give back, and I'm pretty sure I give back more than anyone else has. [editline]7th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=RzDat;50659489]I feel you man. I was in the same situation as you did. Let me elaborate on how I dealt with it: [B]cut off all contact with her.[/B] Don't look at her messages, Don't look at her Snapchats, Don't talk to her in person, Nothing. I know some of the users here may call this a bad way to better things, but looking at things now, your relationship with her is damaged enough and there's no turning back. 1. [B]You need to better yourself.[/B] You're frustrated from the fact that girls will always treat you as a friend? This is perfectly normal, but you need to take it smoothly next time. Girls see guys who complain a lot as sad people with emotional problems, which is definitely a bad thing. My suggestion is to release that steam on focusing on other things (like lifting weights). I know it sounds like bullshit but personally, working out made me forget about all of my problems. It also gives you a confidence boost so there's nothing to lose. 2. [B]Be more considerate about other girls' decisions.[/B] She rejected you? too bad, that's her loss not yours. There are way more girls who will be more interested in you than she ever was. Also I can post the story about me and my best (female) friend if you want.[/QUOTE] Literaly what I'm gonna do, step by step. For the sole fact that I cannot fall back to where I was a few years ago, and must learn from my mistakes. Thank you. What happened with you and your friend?

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50659743] Literaly what I'm gonna do, step by step. For the sole fact that I cannot fall back to where I was a few years ago, and must learn from my mistakes. Thank you. What happened with you and your friend?[/QUOTE] I think I posted the story in this thread but fuck it, i'll tell it again During first year of high school, i met a beautiful girl who i had a crush on but soon enough we were best friends. She was blonde, had blue eyes and such a cute and innocent personality I couldn't even resist. We also had so much chemistry between us I was sure she was the one. I went everywhere with her: class, lectures, home, the beach, meetups, pubs etc even though I didn't like to go out in general. The only difference between her and me, is that she was absolutely stunning while I was butt ugly. Even though I confessed to her a few times, she rejected me and told me she ain't looking for a relationship. She still pretty much forced me to go shopping with her and go to meetups so she can kiss random dudes at the bar in front of my face while i'm just sitting there like a fucking tool. She even told me bizarre stories about how she cheated on her past boyfriends. One night she invited me to a night out in some nightclub. She felt like inviting me because obviously I was her "best friend" but in reality, she used me for my money so she can buy lots of drinks and then throw herself at some random guy. After a while I asked her if we can leave because I hated the place and I was sitting alone unable to socialize. She straight out told me to fuck off in front of everyone, I was so embarrassed I just left. In the end, I had to go back and get her because I didn't know what bus to take home and she was pissed at me because I "ruined her vibe". When I walked her home she didn't even look at my direction and just said Goodbye. The next day she refused to talk about it. The same moment I just cut off contact with her, and to be honest? It did only good for me. I didn't have to deal with toxic people, I didn't have to hide my emotions and i didn't have to go out just to please a person I love. Especially after all the frustration and anger I had in me, i put it all on good use and improved myself. I had intense sessions at the gym just by thinking about how much of a tool I was. This is the part I didn't tell yet: After receiving waves of compliments about my looks I realized i'm finally confident about my progress. She even tried to call me a few times but I ignored it. But you know, at the end I agreed to meet up with her to talk terms and guess what? the tables were fucking turned. She turned extremely pale, had big glasses (just like I did), turned chubby and her breath smelled like an ashtray. At that moment I felt so smug she just accepted it so I will start talking to her again. Today I barely notice her, she just seems so shallow and empty.

i'm sorry but if y'all are unable to talk to a girl unless she likes you back then you're kind of an asshole

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50659743]It's a two way street, but it isn't like I give nothing back. I do give back, and I'm pretty sure I give back more than anyone else has.[/QUOTE] [thumb]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m96t2c8t6R1qcu04vo1_500.png[/thumb]

like it just sounds like you're another one of them "nice guys" who expects girls to marry you just because you hang out with them and spend money on them. and the way that you both refer to these girls is disgusting, you see them literally only as a prize and your "affection" goes away the moment they don't return it y'all are looking for validation not a relationship [editline]6th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50659447]Because fuck my emotions right? Why should I put someone else's well being before mine btw?[/QUOTE] idk maybe because that's what a relationship is and if you're unwilling to accept that another person's emotions matter too when making a decision (especially for something like a relationship) then you really don't deserve to be in a relationship with them to begin with

Just mutually broke up with my girlfriend who I've been going out with for 3 months. She was cool. She had serious anxiety problems. Last night she said she felt like a bad girlfriend and I said I understood where she was coming from, that she wasn't a bad girlfriend or companion. I don't mind her being anxious. If it meant cutting back on physical stuff because she said she would get flashbacks or if I called her gorgeous she'd get upset. So I cut that back because damn we were really good at talking to each other. We only had sex once and that was because we were both drunk and honestly, best sex ever because we were laughing at each other. We'd said really funny shit like, "Call me Father" and she'd say, "What if God finds out?" because we're both atheist. I mean of all the shitty relationships we've been through we talked about everything. We were straight comedy hour too. We bounced off each other and I valued that over anything else. She asked if we could be friends and cut out labels of girlfriend/boyfriend. I mean it's not like we were Facebook official anyways. However I couldn't just be friends. I love my friends, but not the same way I could love a companion who knows me at my worst or best. I see her more than just as a friend. I confide in my friends, but not the same way I did with her. I can't really rollback to friends. I care about her, I don't want her thinking I'm trying to get into her pants because I really just like all the innocent stuff with the relationship - late night talks, cuddling, and going out of each other's way to do something nice for one another. She'd read my books and listen to my music and we'd talk about it. We'd debate about things, but never genuinely argued to hurt one another. Maybe I'm confused about labels, maybe I have the wrong idea about relationships/friendships, about simultaneously being with someone who is your friend as well as someone who can be an extension to you more than just a friend which means being able to look at them and think that we're on the same wavelength and want self improvement. I don't know even know what to say at this point besides that, she was cool, I had fun learning more about her and myself. Now I guess I move on because I am not waiting to decide if we can just be more than friends again.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50660375][thumb]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m96t2c8t6R1qcu04vo1_500.png[/thumb][/QUOTE] Except we were never just friends to begin with in the past, so that really has nothing to do with it.

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50663805]Except we were never just friends to begin with in the past, so that really has nothing to do with it.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50655533]I just told a friend of mine I didn't want to be her friend when I told her I wanted something more and she said she needed friends. I did it because I've had enough of being "just friends" with people that I actually like, especially her who I've liked for a while but with who it has never really worked out because of really petty stuff that I let get in between and making me shun her away. Feel like it may be a mistake, but at the same time, not only can't I be bothered to enter the 20th bra shop in a day and listen to her friendly shit after knowing her track record, I don't want to end up being "that one guy in the pictures who didn't get to 1st place", who slowly went "insane" and just became sort of part of the house. The fact that I poured out why I didn't want to be her friend and she just answered with "ok" and "ok 2x" didn't help with the slightly simmering rage either...[/QUOTE] You're talking about going shopping with her as a friend, describe the relationship as friends, she thought you were friends.

[QUOTE=Dysentery;50660369]i'm sorry but if y'all are unable to talk to a girl unless she likes you back then you're kind of an asshole[/QUOTE] This has nothing to do with that. [editline]7th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=plunger435;50663836]You're talking about going shopping with her as a friend, describe the relationship as friends, she thought you were friends.[/QUOTE] We used to do that before, and we weren't just friends before either, so... [editline]7th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=RzDat;50660043]I think I posted the story in this thread but fuck it, i'll tell it again During first year of high school, i met a beautiful girl who i had a crush on but soon enough we were best friends. She was blonde, had blue eyes and such a cute and innocent personality I couldn't even resist. Today I barely notice her, she just seems so shallow and empty.[/QUOTE] Man, she really sucked as a person in general... I'm glad I never got someone like that, aside from a few who stop talking after I say I wont buy them something or lend them my car. You really should had left the ship right then and there, at the first sight of being used. Glad to know you turned the tables on her though Its not nearly that bad in my case, not even close, but things are just different from what they were and... It just isnt the same.

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50663841]This has nothing to do with that. [editline]7th July 2016[/editline] We used to do that before, and we weren't just friends before either, so... [editline]7th July 2016[/editline] Man, she really sucked as a person in general... I'm glad I never got someone like that, aside from a few who stop talking after I say I wont buy them something or lend them my car. You really should had left the ship right then and there, at the first sight of being used. Glad to know you turned the tables on her though Its not nearly that bad in my case, not even close, but things are just different from what they were and... It just isnt the same.[/QUOTE] You went bra shopping with her multiple times and you didn't even consider her a friend still? Even though she clearly thought that of you?

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;50663841]We used to do that before, and we weren't just friends before either, so...[/QUOTE] i don't get it, were you in a relationship with her?

People's perceptions of others are fluid. If she maybe, at one point, considered you to be of interest and then changed her mind for whatever reason, that's valid. Just because you have a stark desire to be more than friends because of what you've done and how you've done "more than anyone else", it still doesn't give you license to expect a relationship from anyone. Being in a relationship is not an award for being friends the longest or having the most history with the person. Your pursuit means nothing if the feelings are not reciprocated, and it would work in the reverse as well. Say there was a girl who was interested in you, but you weren't interested in her for whatever reason. Would it be fair for her to say "well I'm the only one who talks to you and I'm the one who went to this place with you so why not me?" It's because a functioning relationship between two individuals does not work when the interest is one-sided. If you cannot be an actual friend to this girl without expecting something more just because you're the nicest and willing to crawl through a mall with her, then stop talking to her. And don't make friends with people just because you expect it to turn into a relationship. That's not how proper friendship works, and it forces you to take the roll of someone who puts their own romantic needs and desires before the fact that they entered into the exchange assuming that you were earnest in your attempt to be friends. From personal experience: it's the shittiest feeling when you assume someone is your friend only to discover that they want something from you.

[QUOTE=plunger435;50664030]You went bra shopping with her multiple times and you didn't even consider her a friend still? Even though she clearly thought that of you?[/QUOTE] No no, you see, he was in a relationship with her but she just didn't know it yet. He's upset she hasn't realized he's going out with her still and she doesn't want to go out with him. What even is this guy saying?

I try to keep advice here sorta nice but man is it really annoying when someone is this obtuse.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50660636]Having a "faux" friendship where you're just gritting your teeth hoping for it to blossom into a relationship is so wrong and two-faced. You're just using her to satisfy some strange need. Like this shit right here: "not only can't I be bothered to enter the 20th bra shop in a day and listen to her friendly shit after knowing her track record" is damn creepy You're not really her friend. You don't see her value as a person. She saw you as a good friend when in actuality, you're some guy just gritting your teeth hoping for a date. You're not suppose to hangout with friends expecting things in return, you do it because you enjoy it. What you did really isn't right man, and I hope you see that. You can always change in the future if you're willing to learn.[/QUOTE] Ya know, after reading this post I think reality just downed on me at full force. I'm ashamed to admit but thinking back I ended up doing that at some point. I fell in love with this one girl in my first year of Senior High School, but apparently she already had a boyfriend. I'm not gonna lie, she was definitely the only girl to this day that I truly cared for. To be completely honest I never actually cared about having sex with her or not. All I wanted was to be with her. Since she actually made me feel good about myself. Made me feel loved. I ended up developing some sort of friendship in the end. But the sad truth was that I wanted to be more than that. I lied to myself saying that I wanted to be just friends and blinded myself while trying to be something that was not meant to be. It pretty much all boiled down to this one conversation we had on the telephone when I told her about my feelings and at some point she said "I don't own you anything". It's funny, at that time I didn't know what she actually meant by that, but 3 years later after reading this post I finally realized what that was about. Even if it the action itself was driven by me being blinded by my own feelings for her, I still feel like a complete ass now for expecting something in return from being friends. I sincerely don't know how to thank you for enlightening me even thought I feel like a shithead right now. I might need to rethink some things in my life now too.

[QUOTE=plunger435;50664030]You went bra shopping with her multiple times and you didn't even consider her a friend still? Even though she clearly thought that of you?[/QUOTE] I didn't consider that before this happend, no... [editline]8th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Zukriuchen;50664259]i don't get it, were you in a relationship with her?[/QUOTE] It went like this We "hooked up" every now and then, nothing too serious, but no friendly stuff either like its been going right now. Just doing stuff on the car. At one point, I decided to take things further and make it a more official thing, but I did it at the worst time possible, and it didn't work out, after we had a fight. That was during the time she got drunk as fuck when she was away in college. After a while, we talked again, and ended up doing the same thing, sans the "taking things further and being bf and gf", so we just fooled around here and there. But, since I was a fool, every now and then I said something wrong, we get into fights, I say things I shouldn't because I thought I knew everything like the jackass that I am, and we went back on a cooldown, to each side. Then I had the brilliant idea of not doing anything with her at her house when she pretty much said "do it" because I just wasn't with the mindset to it, and another lil fight later, back on the cooldown we were. Until I started talking with her again a few months ago during some really tough times, and I don't know how I got where I am now tbh... In short: we just fooled around, and we could have had something, if I wasn't an idiot and had realized she was perfect, but now, that ship has sailed, and theres nothing I can do about it other than being friends. It has nothing to do with "oh she owes me a relationship". It's just ye olde me... Not realizing what he has...

[url]https://xkcd.com/513/[/url] Been haunting me since it was published in December 2008, and I was 17 back then, starting Uni, and with a huge case of heartbreak (that took long enough to heal, and has hampered some attempts at pursuing romance). I don't want to be that creep. However, if I have feelings for somebody, yet that person becomes a friend, I want to be a real friend, not somebody looking for a romance. I may wistfully look for what may be a signal, but, first and foremost, a friend is a friend, and I care for my friends and won't betray or hurt them. May get specially paranoid with losing that friend, if temporal social anxiety sits in. Happened once, my fault, hurt like hell, took some 2 years and a crush to fade.