Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

That's alright. I'm glad we got that sorted out.

Renegade, the term I believe is biromantic. I'm relatively biromantic, I can crush on girls, a little. And I mean, a lot of british straight dudes cuddle their friends don't they? I thought I read that somewhere. And thanks for the behavior comment. I'm good about my behavior until I get horny, then shit gets real difficult. [editline]20th July 2016[/editline] When it comes to sex. I think he just hasn't tried homo sex yet. I think he's a little curious, but we get stoned together and he said he gets lost in his thoughts, I don't know what his thoughts are but I know they have to do with me. This may be a bit of info. He asked me twice if I had pooped yesterday. I'm wondering if he wants to penetrate my butt. Like I want him to, no doubt. I sent him a nude of my butt randomly when I was horny awhile ago. I don't know his real reaction though. And even though it's a little pointless to mention, he did get a hard on when I was spooning him and dry humping him (I was coming down from MDMA, get real horny). Do any straight guys here say they would get a hard on in those circumstances. I'm like 85% gay and even the straight in me, I've never had a girl give me a hard on.

About the brain wiring stuff: Emotions are not merely having a certain chemical in the brain, they also involve feedback loops and associations: Having those chemicals is normal and healthy, having their production bound only to the presence of a person, specially one you can't pursue a relationship with, ends up causing withdrawal (seriously, dopamine and oxytocine are both quite present in addiction and love). However, a crush isn't in your brain blocking dopamine channels like cocaine is, so the source of the increased dopamine is association and possitive feedback. You want to have dopamine, and, if you depend on interacting with a certain person, as well as the idea of an impossible, to have it, well, you'll be unhappy most of the time. Hence the moving on, meeting people and doing stuff: new activities, new feedback, new dopamine sources, less dependance. (And thanks for bearing with this bit of pedantry, "its just chemicals in the brain" is something I tend to hear coming from people who think drugs are the answer to any kind of mental disorder, trying to treat a problem without first looking for the causes, and so I go full applied biology mode)

I don't cuddle my friends, despite the fact that we have fairly few inhibitions - I wouldn't cuddle with a guy, and honestly I don't know any (straight) guys whom I feel would.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;50744246]I don't cuddle my friends, despite the fact that we have fairly few inhibitions - I wouldn't cuddle with a guy, and honestly I don't know any (straight) guys whom I feel would.[/QUOTE] I consider myself straight, but we have a "lads" holiday once a year and my mate and I always bag the double bed and hungover spoon, it's rather pleasant :D

i consider myself straight too but once a month or so i have a "bro" holiday where we all get drunk and fuck each other, it's rather pleasant

I'm not opposed to cuddling guys, but none of my friends are into that. I feel like most guys around here aren't. A guy that I would actually be interested in would be a rare thing indeed. [QUOTE=Eriorguez;50743481]Hence the moving on, meeting people and doing stuff: new activities, new feedback, new dopamine sources, less dependance.[/QUOTE] This made a lot of sense of what I'm feeling, like there's chemical associations with how I'm feeling and I'm not just full of shit when I think that maybe I need a hobby. Also kinda makes sense in the context of, I asked my friend out and we went on a couple small dates but she wasn't interested but we still hang out occasionally and it's fun as usual but I can't help but feel like shit when I leave and I can't fathom why, maybe it is something out of my control, like there's no convincing myself that everything is fine if I'm having some kind of withdrawal. I'm still not certain but it makes me think that's a good possibility. A friend suggested seeing a counselor, to try and get a grip of my feelings and because I want to coordinate my life a little better. Maybe that's something I should be talking to a counselor about too. Tangentially, I've been feeling like I want to revamp "me", like new hairstyle and new clothes, but trying to look into that kind of stuff is really daunting. Even trying to get a nice haircut that would look good on me seems impossible, partly because I don't even know what I want exactly. There's no place around me that is really meant for that, just 12 dollar haircuts and to hell with you if you waste too much time asking questions. I did think up and cook a meal, and I'm really proud of that. I want to get into more cooking.

Yo, go into the Fix Up, Look Sharp thread sometime if you're looking for makeover advice. Usually if you're genuine, people will give you some good tips on how to do your hair and what sorts of clothes to look for. I have the desire to do that a lot but I lack the money for it lmao but some day... [editline]20th July 2016[/editline] Also if you're interested in cooking, check out Buzzfeed's "Tasty" page on Facebook. They have a lot of videos on different good recipes. Beware though, a huge majority of the recipes contain cheese and dairy so you'll have to nitpick if you're lactose intolerant. But other than that, there are a lot of good vids and you can kind of get a feel for the ingredients to get to cook different new, fun stuff.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50746196]i consider myself straight too but once a month or so i have a "bro" holiday where we all get drunk and fuck each other, it's rather pleasant[/QUOTE] One homosexual experience doesn't make you gay, I would know, I've had twelve of them.

Yeah I do an annual "not gay check" where I pay a homeless dude $10 to have him let me suck his dick, just to make sure I'm not gay. Still haven't turned out gay after all these years.

Well, I got him unintentionally to admit he's "sort of bi" I cuddled him a few nights, but not every night that I've been here in tally. I am leaving in a day or two, and I won't be seeing him for a long time. It'll be a little rough because I like him, but not too rough because it's not like he's ready to screw me. My friends insisted he has to be a little gay. Anyways, I actually have another situation. I do go after 'straight' boys, or the ones that are predominately straight or have yet to decide and know for sure where they are. I actually am going on what feels like a date with one tomorrow. He is buying me dinner. He also knows that I have a crush on him, I told him in the very beginning. So, most of you guys wouldn't cuddle. But would you buy dinner for your gay friend that likes you but yet you hardly know? We and him don't know eachother too well. We agreed to cook eachother dinner one night too. Tomorrow I'm not sure where we are going. He was supposed to go to the Rez (a lake park) with me today but he forgot to, so he offered to take me out to dinner. Hmm, I want him. Bad. He's super popular, and incredibly smart and successful. He's going to be a doctor. The guy I've been talking about is a damn computer scientist or some shit, interned at some atomic bomb place. These guys are way better than my ex. Life has been good since I raised my standards.

Ugh fuck that friend. Man, it's so shitty having feelings for someone who doesn't have any for you. My date with the super popular frat kid is in 2 hours. Woops, sorry for double posting. I thought it'd add it to my last post.

out in town with a couple of friends and I happen across my ex and her sister piss drunk, my ex tried to hi five me so I gave her the James May "hello." and walked away. for reference: [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3s6TfiA8c8[/media]

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50762762]Don't get too obsessive over people you're infatuated with, sounds a little like you are.[/QUOTE] Yeah I get obsessed pretty easily. I have a hard time controlling it. I'm over the one dude though, I left town yesterday and that was the last time I may ever see him again. The other guy, who is also straight, but questionable, took me on that dinner date and bought me a snow cone at a lake. I think he may like me, I'm not sure. He's one of the most popular kids at FSU. All the sorority girls are after him, but he doesn't seem to want any of them.

What a shitty "date" I suppose is the best word. So I chatted with this girl online earlier today, and I wasn't really interested but she said she was going to be grilling steaks and asked if I wanted to join her. She also said she was 19, which I have my doubts about. Now, I love steak, so I couldn't turn an offer for free steak down. Anyway, I get to her place and disaster strikes. Firstly, she's dressed really badly - like camo skirt and top that barely fits badly. "Yeah turns out my dad wants the steak so we can just go to Olive Garden because I have a gift card for there". Ok I say, even though I don't like Olive Garden, not wanting to be a dick since I drove all that way anyway. But I was embarrassed in there, so much so I didn't really want to eat and only had soup. Conversation was dull, start getting the feeling that she's not 19 when I asked her if she's planning on going to school and I couldn't hear exactly what she said, but it sounded like "When I turn 17/18". Also learned that she went on a few dates with a 45 year old guy with 3 sons, Wowza. To cap that portion off, I realized I had no change for a tip, since I generally don't carry cash and I wasn't expexting to go out to eat. She had a few quarters. Since I wanted to kill time before going home I agreed to go to the mall since it was right there. It beat awkwardly sitting at a table, as she was in a changing room for most of the time or applying for a job (which I used the oppertunity to walk around). Then I took her home and never looked back. Felt this was just the best place to get that off my chest. I also should have realized I wouldn't get a free steak from a complete stranger, oh well.

that's a southern USA story if i've ever heard one where do you live

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50786786]that's a southern USA story if i've ever heard one where do you live[/QUOTE] Pretty much dead center in Connecticut. I'm a Yankee born and raised. I just have an appreciation for meats thanks to my Father who is from the south. Good thing though is that this other girl I've been talking to feels bad so she wants me to come over to watch movies on Friday.

i've been worrying about finding friends at college next year since i'll be on a new campus and making friends doesn't come naturally to me, but it seems like i've already found someone that's interested in hanging with me. it always takes me a long time to warm up to people i'm around, last year i didn't speak up much in my core group of people until very late into the year, and same for the year before that in my final year of hs. hopefully it'll get better since i have more confidence now.

[QUOTE=LaughingStock;50788511]i've been worrying about finding friends at college next year since i'll be on a new campus and making friends doesn't come naturally to me, but it seems like i've already found someone that's interested in hanging with me. it always takes me a long time to warm up to people i'm around, last year i didn't speak up much in my core group of people until very late into the year, and same for the year before that in my final year of hs. hopefully it'll get better since i have more confidence now.[/QUOTE] in my experience, you'll know it when you've found the right people- you won't have to try to get along so much as you just will.

[QUOTE=LaughingStock;50788511]i've been worrying about finding friends at college next year since i'll be on a new campus and making friends doesn't come naturally to me, but it seems like i've already found someone that's interested in hanging with me. it always takes me a long time to warm up to people i'm around, last year i didn't speak up much in my core group of people until very late into the year, and same for the year before that in my final year of hs. hopefully it'll get better since i have more confidence now.[/QUOTE] You have two options: Join a club on campus Go to a bar/club off campus I did the latter, I went to a Seven Lions show at a club in my college town, and I met literally all of my friends there in one night. It was perfect because it was the beginning of my first semester there. And I made friends through those friends, and have made a few other friends other ways like the club idea. I made a really good friend through a club. It isn't too hard, just be yourself. You have to kick yourself in the butt and get out there. Or you'll regret it because you wasted your college years with no friends, which is relatively inexcusable because there's so many ways to make friends. [editline]29th July 2016[/editline] The straight guy I've been posting about. I saw him while in my college town. That was supposed to be pretty much the last time he saw me. Now he's trying to ditch his parents to come stay with me. Which is humorous to me, because wtf I thought you WEREN'T attached to me like that. I'm just surprised. I think he likes my company more than he'd admit. I'm also taking a sacrifice, because I'm going to Imagine Festival with him. And it's risky because I may have a bad time because I'd get stuck thinking about him in a lovey dovey way.

Close friend of mine today was roasting me when we went out for lunch. She was asking how my dating lifes been going and i said non-existant. Proceeds to then roast the shit out of my clothing choice, haircut and everything (All in a joking friendly way i've known her my entire life) Now she wants to take me to get new clothes and a haircut. I just never really put much effort into all that besides throwing on something clean.

reinventing yourself like that is almost certainly not going to fix whatever the problem is, in my experience

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50797510]reinventing yourself like that is almost certainly not going to fix whatever the problem is, in my experience[/QUOTE] Didnt say there was a problem, i like what i wear, but i only have three outfits that i go between and wash once a week so i do need more clothes, just none of them really fit.

it might be vain but new clothes and a new haircut can do wonders for your confidence. if you're fine the way you are then that's good too, no sense in changing who you are. next semester will be a clean slate for me since i'll be transferring to another campus. i'll be looking at clubs and other activities.

Not saying that what you said is necessarily wrong but I'm just going to say this as a side note. Self confidence should be worked on by introspection and support rather than aesthetically running away from yourself because you don't like who you see in the mirror. I know a lot of people who are obsessed with their image and depend on clothes and looks to feel capable of holding their head straight and cope with their life. You can almost smell the scent of insecurity underneath the masquerade. Take it away from them and they feel like nothing. Sure changes are welcome, when your self esteem led you to stop taking care of yourself. But clothes and a new haircut don't necessarily mean the end of your "past depressive self". People sometimes make that mistake and usually end up distancing further away from themselves and not addressing the problems that led to that low self esteem state because they think they have become a "new person" and started a "new life". I can say that from personal experience. In my case I wasn't using clothes or haircuts to "turn my life around" I was using sports to suppress my feelings of depression and to relativize my feelings of depression, unfulfillment and loneliness.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50798362]Not saying that what you said is necessarily wrong but I'm just going to say this as a side note. Self confidence should be worked on by introspection and support rather than aesthetically running away from yourself because you don't like who you see in the mirror. I know a lot of people who are obsessed with their image and depend on clothes and looks to feel capable of holding their head straight and cope with their life. You can almost smell the scent of insecurity underneath the masquerade. Take it away from them and they feel like nothing. Sure changes are welcome, when your self esteem led you to stop taking care of yourself. But clothes and a new haircut don't necessarily mean the end of your "past depressive self". People sometimes make that mistake and usually end up distancing further away from themselves and not addressing the problems that led to that low self esteem state because they think they have become a "new person" and started a "new life". I can say that from personal experience. In my case I wasn't using clothes or haircuts to "turn my life around" I was using sports to suppress my feelings of depression and to relativize my feelings of depression, unfulfillment and loneliness.[/QUOTE] I understand and agree 100%, i've had mechanisms to cope in my past and still have a few now that i'm working on getting rid of. But in all honesty, my three outfits are all really tattered and fucked up jeans and tshirts that i had 5 years ago. I just never went out to get more :v:

Up until recently I hadn't bought any new clothes since before college (high school) eight years ago due to low self esteem/depression and simply not caring. Then I started to realise how homeless I looked in public compared to other people my age. It's not a cure but giving yourself a makeover and updating your wardrobe is a great starting point for taking better care of yourself if you've been suffering through issues and you've been letting yourself slide. It definitely boosts your confidence and makes you feel less at odds with the world. Don't dress for other people, though. Go through Google for 'Mens/Womens Fashion 2016' and pick out some images of what [I]you[/I] like. You shouldn't dress to impress anybody else, assuming of course you have at least a basic sense of style.

I've gone on a lot of dates this summer but not a single one has gone anywhere past 2. I can't tell if I keep meeting the wrong people or if I'm just no good for other people these days, but I just can't seem to connect I'm starting to get really down on dating in general.

I just finished high school, my girlfriend's moved out to the States to start college, and I'm left here taking a gap year. Right now, I've spent most of the past two weeks sitting in my room doing nothing. I figured that I should hang out with other people more, but here's the catch. I moved here last year, got a few friends, got most of them to hate me halfway through the year (long story, can post if anyone wants to hear), and now I'm left with pretty much only one person I can actually consider a friend and hang out with. My situations even more complicated in that I live in a military base and don't know any French, so I'm pretty much limited to the people who live in a 2km radius. What would be the best way for me to find new people to hang out with?

[QUOTE=HumbleTH;50803376]I just finished high school, my girlfriend's moved out to the States to start college, and I'm left here taking a gap year. Right now, I've spent most of the past two weeks sitting in my room doing nothing. I figured that I should hang out with other people more, but here's the catch. I moved here last year, got a few friends, got most of them to hate me halfway through the year (long story, can post if anyone wants to hear), and now I'm left with pretty much only one person I can actually consider a friend and hang out with. My situations even more complicated in that I live in a military base and don't know any French, so I'm pretty much limited to the people who live in a 2km radius. What would be the best way for me to find new people to hang out with?[/QUOTE] My advice would be to start learning some french and also try volunteering somewhere Some people think volunteering isn't really their thing but really what else are you gonna do?