Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50803058]I've gone on a lot of dates this summer but not a single one has gone anywhere past 2. I can't tell if I keep meeting the wrong people or if I'm just no good for other people these days, but I just can't seem to connect I'm starting to get really down on dating in general.[/QUOTE] You know it's more about finding someone you just click with. The girl I'm now with I met from my brother's girlfriend setting up a one night stand sorta thing. As I found it just kinda happens randomly as I didn't expect this and neither did she.

OKcupid is a cesspit sometimes.

I think I like the way Tinder works more than OkCupid, not that I've really had any "success" with either. I like that you have to establish some form of basic mutual attraction before the conversation even starts on Tinder. With OKC I hit "hide profile" on [b]at least[/b] 75% of the people I see because I'm not the slightest bit attracted to them. So far I've exchanged OKC messages with all of 3 people. One of them messaged me first, and seemed interesting, but just stopped talking after like 4 messages exchanged. One that I messaged seemed to get along well with me and had some good things in common, but she went dark the very moment I started to broach the subject of meeting or going on a date. The most recent one also messaged me first and all she does is talk about TV shows and complain about stuff, so I grow more and more turned off over time. Plus she lives in the next state, and somebody would have to be really amazing for me to be willing to go that far to see them. I get frustrated sometimes that people on dating sites are so averse to going on an actual date. Generally I'll chat with someone for a few days just to gauge interest, but I wouldn't talk to someone for more than a week without bringing up the topic of meeting. I use these services to find dates, not IM buddies. I have plenty of those already. But still, every single person just goes dark as soon as I bring up the idea. I think it's way easier to talk to somebody in person than online, but I don't like approaching people. It's why I prefer Tinder (on paper), because both people have to express interest in each other first thing. OKC, to me, feels barely different from approaching a stranger.

okcupid is actually really good once you get past 100+ questions answered. i have pretty high matches and a lot of people send me messages and stuff. though i'm not really using it for dating nowadays, mostly just to find friends

[QUOTE=TheDrunkenOne;50815467]okcupid is actually really good once you get past 100+ questions answered. i have pretty high matches and a lot of people send me messages and stuff. though i'm not really using it for dating nowadays, mostly just to find friends[/QUOTE] I must look like Shrkes asshole as i've been on the site for 4 months with over 500 answered questions and only get random bots message me :v:

upload more pictures?

I met my most recent squeeze on Tinder; OKC sort of worked for me but a lot of people were flaky. I feel like people have less expectations on Tinder so generally it works out more organically and naturally. I don't want an exact analysis of someone I'm looking at, just their picture and a quick convo. My advice is to meet in person asap, as 90% of your messaging means nothing until you meet.

Okay so I met this girl on Saturday and we've been talking ever since. We've gotten to know a bit about each other and share a lot of the same interests and all that jazz. She has shown a considerable liking towards me based off the stuff she says and such. Today, however, I grew some balls and asked her out and, by my shy surprise, she said yes. What I'm basically asking you guys is do you guys got any advice on how to not fuck this up or anything? The last time I went on a "date" was the worst experience of my life due to reasons I'd be willing to share over PM if anyone is actually interested.

[QUOTE=Frosty701;50818737]Okay so I met this girl on Saturday and we've been talking ever since. We've gotten to know a bit about each other and share a lot of the same interests and all that jazz. She has shown a considerable liking towards me based off the stuff she says and such. Today, however, I grew some balls and asked her out and, by my shy surprise, she said yes. What I'm basically asking you guys is do you guys got any advice on how to not fuck this up or anything? The last time I went on a "date" was the worst experience of my life due to reasons I'd be willing to share over PM if anyone is actually interested.[/QUOTE] The best thing to do is take them somewhere that requires interaction, dont go to the cinema, worst place on a first date. Coffee and food is great, ice skating? Something interactive. Think about what you can talk about, focus more on what you talked about online and expand it, shared interests, hobbies, what have you read recently? Let them know, ask them. First date is always just setting the ground work, just treat it as a day out with a friend and you'll feel much better, and however you both feel afterwards will dictate where it goes.

-Snip- No one needs to see this abomination.

If she has a boyfriend and has expressed an inclination to have sex with whoever even while trying to get your interest, honestly I would let that ship sail. Her being drunk isn't much of an excuse for having sex with your best friend. You weren't together, no, but if she was actually interested in you, I honestly think she would've had more restraint than that or at least been a little smarter about it. Don't go with her to Britain when you already have things planned out for yourself. You haven't even dated. She could be a very different person than what you've envisioned from your few encounters. People make mistakes but I honestly wouldn't change my life around for someone who is already taken when there's absolutely no guarantee that they would even leave their current SO for me. it also shows a bit of lack of respect for her life choices that you think you might know what's better for her than she does. Barring all that, I just see more risk than reward in it for you, bud.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50829128]If she has a boyfriend and has expressed an inclination to have sex with whoever even while trying to get your interest, honestly I would let that ship sail. Her being drunk isn't much of an excuse for having sex with your best friend. You weren't together, no, but if she was actually interested in you, I honestly think she would've had more restraint than that or at least been a little smarter about it. Don't go with her to Britain when you already have things planned out for yourself. You haven't even dated. She could be a very different person than what you've envisioned from your few encounters. People make mistakes but I honestly wouldn't change my life around for someone who is already taken when there's absolutely no guarantee that they would even leave their current SO for me. it also shows a bit of lack of respect for her life choices that you think you might know what's better for her than she does. Barring all that, I just see more risk than reward in it for you, bud.[/QUOTE] You are absolutely right. I've been reading through what I wrote several times now and it makes me wonder what the fuck I'm thinking every time. Having it in text makes it so much more clear. I know she likes me because I have left out a lot of stuff to keep it "short" but just what was I thinking? I'm just gonna be me and have a good time when I met her like always. Planning things like these out beforehand is just weird and unnecessary. Thanks for reading I guess :v:

I like to think I look alright, but when I was on tinder I swear the only people I found were fake people/bots/companies advertising shit as if they were a girl and pretty much all of the real people never liked me back. Every single convo I had on there dropped off rather quickly. I had much better experience with okcupid but I agree it's a pretty big cesspit; I was on there for 1+ years before I found my girlfriend.

I'm thinking about getting tinder after I've moved. Any tips? It will be very interesting to see how attractive people deem me to be from just pictures, I really have no idea how good or bad looking I am.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;50829269]I'm thinking about getting tinder after I've moved. Any tips? It will be very interesting to see how attractive people deem me to be from just pictures, I really have no idea how good or bad looking I am.[/QUOTE] I never got anything out of tinder or okcupid.

[QUOTE=Frosty701;50818737]Okay so I met this girl on Saturday and we've been talking ever since. We've gotten to know a bit about each other and share a lot of the same interests and all that jazz. She has shown a considerable liking towards me based off the stuff she says and such. Today, however, I grew some balls and asked her out and, by my shy surprise, she said yes. What I'm basically asking you guys is do you guys got any advice on how to not fuck this up or anything? The last time I went on a "date" was the worst experience of my life due to reasons I'd be willing to share over PM if anyone is actually interested.[/QUOTE] Update: Went really well actually. She was just as nervous as me, but in the end we both thought it was a fun time.

I find it weird how, in every relationship i have been in, it has always formed suddenly and off the basis that we like to hang out with each other, but always ends with me finishing it. It's usually a combination of falling out of love and it not being right, but also because i feel everyone i have been with wants to have over control of me. Never to creepy extents. But it seems that when i've been with the people i've been with it cant just remain like it was when we were close friends. I eat what i want, i wear what i want, i play what i went etc. I know i know, when relationships get longer things like playing games til 3am bla bla bla that much is guarentee'd But it has always been stupid things. "I dont like your music so can you stop playing it" "Id rather you not go and do that thing you do every week on this day because i want to spend time with you" (Literally after spending all week with her) "Id rather you not buy that shirt" All of this living in my fucking flat and not paying that much rent in comparison I dont know if i'm just being over sensitive and picky with this, but when it gets to the point where they dont want me to wear specific jewlery i've always worn (i wear three rings because of reasons, just for people i've lost and a few other things) that i get just so frustrated. I dunno, when i read it back i seem petty but i just want someone who allows me to be me, as i allow them to be them and i would be so much happier.

I have felt the same way with every relationship I've been in and I think it's pretty normal. At first it's awesome because you are blind to the things that annoy you but as you spend more time together you want to control/change each other simply because every person has traits that are flaws in another persons eyes and annoys them. I guess all you can do is compromise and stay firm on the stuff that matter the most to you. That's what I believe being in love is about; liking someone enough to be willing to accept them roughly as they are and compromise (within reason) to make the relationship work. I've never been in a relationship for more than two months because of this thing; maybe I'm just choosy and should listen to my own advice.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;50832264]I have felt the same way with every relationship I've been in and I think it's pretty normal. At first it's awesome because you are blind to the things that annoy you but as you spend more time together you want to control/change each other simply because every person has traits that are flaws in another persons eyes and annoys them. I guess all you can do is compromise and stay firm on the stuff that matter the most to you. That's what I believe being in love is about; liking someone enough to be willing to accept them roughly as they are and compromise (within reason) to make the relationship work. I've never been in a relationship for more than two months because of this thing; maybe I'm just choosy and should listen to my own advice.[/QUOTE] Yea like i say within reason is fine but when it's an almost instant 180 from how you were before the relatioship to now it bloody bugs me.

Lots of people have patterns in the types of people they date. The description you gave of your previous partners trying to control how you dress and what music you listen to is absolutely not normal. You might want to give some thought to what might be leading you to repeatedly end up in relationships with controlling people. And, of course, when you're dealing with controlling behavior, make sure to set clear boundaries. If someone asks you to do something you're uncomfortable with, say "no" clearly and do not back down from that. If you set a boundary and then back away from it, it tells others that your boundaries are flexible and that if they pressure you enough they can get you to change your mind. That said, it's not worth being in a relationship with someone who manipulates and controls you like that.

[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;50832957]Yea like i say within reason is fine but when it's an almost instant 180 from how you were before the relatioship to now it bloody bugs me.[/QUOTE] I really think you should bring this up with your partner if you haven't already. If you feel this strongly about it and he/she can't accept it there is a problem and it will probably not go away by itself. If you already have talked to your partner seriously about it and he/she still persists I think you should leave him/her. That's just me though, I know plenty of people who let others over control them and while I think it's sad many of them actually seem pretty happy.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;50838979]I really think you should bring this up with your partner if you haven't already. If you feel this strongly about it and he/she can't accept it there is a problem and it will probably not go away by itself. If you already have talked to your partner seriously about it and he/she still persists I think you should leave him/her. That's just me though, I know plenty of people who let others over control them and while I think it's sad many of them actually seem pretty happy.[/QUOTE] Oh i'm single now haha, but yea i get what you mean. It's just a pattern i noticed with the last three especially, the last being the worst as at one point she said "I'd rather you cover up your tattoos when around my friends and family" Bit of a difficult task when you're covered in them and used to work as a piercer in a tattoo studio. They knew this getting into the relationship with me, i told them i'm covered and that are they ok with it/family, "Yea yea they dont mind" then 3 months later it was a complete 180. Just gotta wait it out through all the bad ones really.

yo I usually post here giving advice but today I'm gonna have a bit of a rant Broke up with my now ex around May and its August now and it has really fucked me up. I broke up with her, but I still wanted to be her friend and stuff because I think she's cool but also because she's depressed and occasionally suicidal - when we broke up she didn't have anyone to fall back on and so I made the decision to be there for her and try and help her get through it. Misguided now I know - because obviously it was going to make it worse - but she insisted it would help and I really just wanted to do everything I could to help because that's the responsible thing to do. So we kept talking for three months or so, and she would tell me things like how she didn't want me to feel responsible if she killed herself, but she just wanted me to know that she's never going to recover from this, and that she may not be able to have kids now because of me, and a bunch of other fucked up stuff. She kept telling me I didn't care about her and how she offered me all she had and it wasn't good enough for me. I just sat there and listened and ignored the way it made me feel because I thought she just needed someone to listen. During the time this was happening i was coping pretty okay with it all, I think because I sort of had to cope. If someone is talking about killing herself you don't really want to fall apart on them. Anyway, we stopped talking a couple of weeks back. She decided that it wasn't helping, then said we should stop talking, so I said okay, if that's what's best, that's what we will do, and then she regretted it and took it back but spent the whole time telling me her life was over, she could never date or love again, all because of me and what I did to her. So now we don't talk because I couldn't keep bearing the words. It was awful. To clarify, I never cheated on her, or ran out the back door. I left because I had spent a lot of the relationship telling myself that I would be able to keep it up in the long term because I believed pretty solidly that she would be able to work out some of her issues with my support, as she had not had a good history of support from the partner department. Eventually I had to accept that I couldn't hang on to the hope that she would get better as things seemed to be getting worse as a result of us being together. Our relationship had become very emotionally dependent and I had started working full time and she was not handling it well. I couldn't see a situation where that problem was going to go away. Anyway, two weeks later and I'm massively depressed. I have a history of depression - and everything that has happened has hit me now and for the first time in my life suicide is becoming a thing that is occurring in my head. I'm not countenancing it, I'm in control of it and have been able to note when the thought occurs and manage it, but it has never been this bad before and I'm fucking terrified that it's gotten to this point. I've also put on weight and completely withdrawn into my shell. I spend 7 hours at work each day alone in a room as well so that doesn't help. At least the silver lining is now I no longer need to question if I've got depression or not as its fairly clear that I do. I've made an appointment to see a psychologist around a week and a half ago but there is a 6 week waiting gap to get an appointment on a weekend. On Tuesday I'll be going in and making myself available one weekday a week so long as its regular and I'll consult with my boss and work from home that day so I can avoid the waiting period. Free sessions will last for 10 weeks and I'm hoping that will be enough but if not I'll put my savings into it as I'm really scared right now I've spoken to my friends about it and they know I'm depressed but I don't think there's much they can do and I don't think they know the extent. Its an awkward conversation to have I just really really want to be told that I'm a good person again and the bad things I did over the last couple years aren't a condemnation of me as a person because i'm so scared right now

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50843103]yo I usually post here giving advice but today I'm gonna have a bit of a rant Broke up with my now ex around May and its August now and it has really fucked me up. I broke up with her, but I still wanted to be her friend and stuff because I think she's cool but also because she's depressed and occasionally suicidal - when we broke up she didn't have anyone to fall back on and so I made the decision to be there for her and try and help her get through it. Misguided now I know - because obviously it was going to make it worse - but she insisted it would help and I really just wanted to do everything I could to help because that's the responsible thing to do. So we kept talking for three months or so, and she would tell me things like how she didn't want me to feel responsible if she killed herself, but she just wanted me to know that she's never going to recover from this, and that she may not be able to have kids now because of me, and a bunch of other fucked up stuff. She kept telling me I didn't care about her and how she offered me all she had and it wasn't good enough for me. I just sat there and listened and ignored the way it made me feel because I thought she just needed someone to listen. During the time this was happening i was coping pretty okay with it all, I think because I sort of had to cope. If someone is talking about killing herself you don't really want to fall apart on them. Anyway, we stopped talking a couple of weeks back. She decided that it wasn't helping, then said we should stop talking, so I said okay, if that's what's best, that's what we will do, and then she regretted it and took it back but spent the whole time telling me her life was over, she could never date or love again, all because of me and what I did to her. So now we don't talk because I couldn't keep bearing the words. It was awful. To clarify, I never cheated on her, or ran out the back door. I left because I had spent a lot of the relationship telling myself that I would be able to keep it up in the long term because I believed pretty solidly that she would be able to work out some of her issues with my support, as she had not had a good history of support from the partner department. Eventually I had to accept that I couldn't hang on to the hope that she would get better as things seemed to be getting worse as a result of us being together. Our relationship had become very emotionally dependent and I had started working full time and she was not handling it well. I couldn't see a situation where that problem was going to go away. Anyway, two weeks later and I'm massively depressed. I have a history of depression - and everything that has happened has hit me now and for the first time in my life suicide is becoming a thing that is occurring in my head. I'm not countenancing it, I'm in control of it and have been able to note when the thought occurs and manage it, but it has never been this bad before and I'm fucking terrified that it's gotten to this point. I've also put on weight and completely withdrawn into my shell. I spend 7 hours at work each day alone in a room as well so that doesn't help. At least the silver lining is now I no longer need to question if I've got depression or not as its fairly clear that I do. I've made an appointment to see a psychologist around a week and a half ago but there is a 6 week waiting gap to get an appointment on a weekend. On Tuesday I'll be going in and making myself available one weekday a week so long as its regular and I'll consult with my boss and work from home that day so I can avoid the waiting period. Free sessions will last for 10 weeks and I'm hoping that will be enough but if not I'll put my savings into it as I'm really scared right now I've spoken to my friends about it and they know I'm depressed but I don't think there's much they can do and I don't think they know the extent. Its an awkward conversation to have I just really really want to be told that I'm a good person again and the bad things I did over the last couple years aren't a condemnation of me as a person because i'm so scared right now[/QUOTE] You are a good person, and the fact that you carry on caring shows. My ex destroyed my life then moseyed on like nothing had ever happened. Suddenly made contact with me again after my tumour diagnoses and i ripped her a new asshole over the phone. I dont claim to be a good person but what they did to me then leave me in the dark for 10 months, is fucking sick.

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50843103]I just really really want to be told that I'm a good person again and the bad things I did over the last couple years aren't a condemnation of me as a person because i'm so scared right now[/QUOTE] You did more than anyone could be expected to do to support her and she verbally abused you in return. None of this is your fault. You have done nothing wrong and leaving was the right decision. You were right to recognize that her issues were not going to go away even with your help. Trying to take care of someone who has a mental illness is emotionally exhausting and rarely productive. When it comes to depression, ultimately it's up to the depressed person to seek treatment and try to improve their situation - you can't force them into a healthy routine. Your ex's situation is not your fault - she has mental and emotional issues that lead her to view an ordinary situation of a breakup in a devastating way. If you've said a few things in the past that you regret, keep in mind that nobody is perfect, and in a highly stressful relationship like the one you were in it's common for someone to feel overwhelmed and occasionally say something they regret. You're not a bad person, you just took on more of an emotional burden than most people can handle.

[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;50843332]You are a good person, and the fact that you carry on caring shows. My ex destroyed my life then moseyed on like nothing had ever happened. Suddenly made contact with me again after my tumour diagnoses and i ripped her a new asshole over the phone. I dont claim to be a good person but what they did to me then leave me in the dark for 10 months, is fucking sick.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50845129]You did more than anyone could be expected to do to support her and she verbally abused you in return. None of this is your fault. You have done nothing wrong and leaving was the right decision. You were right to recognize that her issues were not going to go away even with your help. Trying to take care of someone who has a mental illness is emotionally exhausting and rarely productive. When it comes to depression, ultimately it's up to the depressed person to seek treatment and try to improve their situation - you can't force them into a healthy routine. Your ex's situation is not your fault - she has mental and emotional issues that lead her to view an ordinary situation of a breakup in a devastating way. If you've said a few things in the past that you regret, keep in mind that nobody is perfect, and in a highly stressful relationship like the one you were in it's common for someone to feel overwhelmed and occasionally say something they regret. You're not a bad person, you just took on more of an emotional burden than most people can handle.[/QUOTE] thanks guys, I think my head agrees but its very hard to convince myself that this is the case - but I know I need to and I'll keep trying. Being told by people who aren't really involved helps a lot I feel a lot better than I did last night but I think moving up the psych to earlier is going to help a lot too. I did apologise for hurting her but her response was basically that if I was really sorry I wouldn't have done it. In the end I felt like in order to be a good person at all I had to get back with her. She couldn't even see that after all the shit that went down getting back together would have ended in a very poisonous relationship and I knew she would hold it over me whether she intended to or not and I would have been brought down with her Anyway I'm not back with her obviously. Knew things were like this when we got together but at the time I was super into her anyway so it didn't matter. Over time it took its toll. I was dating another girl at the beginning too who was a bit more together but I thought she was too 'boring for me', so I ended it with her and committed more with my now ex - so maybe I need to have a long think about what gets me in these sorts of relationships before I jump into another one. Right now i think I just need to focus on coping and figuring out how to forgive myself and also figuring out how not to be so hard on myself for not having the confidence to talk to other girls right now

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50845774]thanks guys, I think my head agrees but its very hard to convince myself that this is the case - but I know I need to and I'll keep trying. Being told by people who aren't really involved helps a lot I feel a lot better than I did last night but I think moving up the psych to earlier is going to help a lot too. I did apologise for hurting her but her response was basically that if I was really sorry I wouldn't have done it. In the end I felt like in order to be a good person at all I had to get back with her. She couldn't even see that after all the shit that went down getting back together would have ended in a very poisonous relationship and I knew she would hold it over me whether she intended to or not and I would have been brought down with her Anyway I'm not back with her obviously. Knew things were like this when we got together but at the time I was super into her anyway so it didn't matter. Over time it took its toll. I was dating another girl at the beginning too who was a bit more together but I thought she was too 'boring for me', so I ended it with her and committed more with my now ex - so maybe I need to have a long think about what gets me in these sorts of relationships before I jump into another one. Right now i think I just need to focus on coping and figuring out how to forgive myself and also figuring out how not to be so hard on myself for not having the confidence to talk to other girls right now[/QUOTE] The best thing to do is not rush it. I didnt go on another date until 6 months later, it didnt go great and then i jsut found contentness with being with myself for now. It all comes with time. Seriously we're all still very young and we have to remember that, i thought the last was the one, until this happened. Time heals all wounds, but until then find something to fill that spot. Play some overwatch, watch some movies, pick up a sport. I started exercising again recently, im focusing on getting a nice body for myself.

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50845774]thanks guys, I think my head agrees but its very hard to convince myself that this is the case - but I know I need to and I'll keep trying. Being told by people who aren't really involved helps a lot I feel a lot better than I did last night but I think moving up the psych to earlier is going to help a lot too. I did apologise for hurting her but her response was basically that if I was really sorry I wouldn't have done it. In the end I felt like in order to be a good person at all I had to get back with her. She couldn't even see that after all the shit that went down getting back together would have ended in a very poisonous relationship and I knew she would hold it over me whether she intended to or not and I would have been brought down with her Anyway I'm not back with her obviously. Knew things were like this when we got together but at the time I was super into her anyway so it didn't matter. Over time it took its toll. I was dating another girl at the beginning too who was a bit more together but I thought she was too 'boring for me', so I ended it with her and committed more with my now ex - so maybe I need to have a long think about what gets me in these sorts of relationships before I jump into another one. Right now i think I just need to focus on coping and figuring out how to forgive myself and also figuring out how not to be so hard on myself for not having the confidence to talk to other girls right now[/QUOTE] It's great that you're introspecting about this and are getting professional help. Those steps can be extremely difficult for people with depression. "Caregivers" in codependent relationships often end up in a cycle of dating partners who are dependent on them because of low self-worth and feeling that being needed by another person helps validate them. Another factor is being afraid to leave because they're afraid of being alone and/or because they feel they owe their continued loyalty to their partner (which sounds like what you might be experiencing). Keep in mind that we have virtually no power over the actions of others. You cannot change other people. You cannot help someone who does not want to help their self. No amount of compassion will cure depression if the depressed person is not actively trying to improve their own situation. Similarly, leaving her life is not going to have a huge effect on her. Your ex is already seriously depressed regardless of whether you are there to prevent her from killing herself. These are internal problems that she would need to sort out on her own - they are not your problems and no matter how long you stayed with her, you would have never solved them. Before you start seeking another relationship, I suggest you try and foster your relationship with yourself. Take some time to reclaim your identity and find ways to make yourself happy while identifying the things in your life that you're unhappy with. It's possible to be alone without being lonely.

Hey guys I know this isn't a blog but I really felt like sharing my thoughts. I don't specifically need any advice, but maybe some of you can relate in some way. Summer holidays are finally getting to an end, and looking back on last year I've grown in a lot of ways. But not always in a good way. I've had a lot of problems with accepting myself for who I am. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing to complain about. I sure do appreciate how things have been going for me compared to more unfortunate people. Not everything in my past has been favorable, but I got everything a growing up kid could ask for. I have loving parents, I'm studying the thing I love (game development), money has never been an issue and I have more than enough friends. But somehow, I've always felt like a failure through the whole year. Like I could've achieved way more. I was ashamed of a lot of a lot of things I did. For instance, when someone (especially a girl) asked me what I did, I was too ashamed to say I studied game development. If I did, a lot of people would look at me with a weird face and say 'so you're a gamer huh' like it's a joke. Or 'good luck getting a job'. Before I started studying game development last year, I studied economics for half a year. I was so unhappy that I started to smoke weed to blow off some steam, but what ended happening was me getting addicted and not going to school for half a year to blow at least 1,5 grand while doing literally nothing. I was so ashamed throughout the rest of the year that I didn't tell my parents, I faked going to school to go to the coffeeshop almost every day. My parents had to find out halfway through this year. My first girlfriend was the worst girl I could've chosen. I was so scared I would stay forever alone that I dated the first girl on tinder who showed interest in me. I'm not gonna go in full detail because she doesn't deserve that, but let's just say she wasn't the prettiest and had tons of issues which she almost dragged me into. I still cringe when my friends bring her up. This one might sound silly, but my dad has never been proud on me. He always told me that getting women and getting rich is the way to go. Funny thing is, he actually got both and is lonely and unhappy. Why? Because no woman can't stand him for longer than a month since he's a huge egoist, pessimist and misogynist. I love him though, he has some really good sides but he'll never be proud on me. There are way more things like these which made me really insecure throughout the whole year. The only thing I didn't fuck up are my grades and my friends (although there were some close calls). There's one good thing which came out of this, and that is that I've learned my lessons. I finally got to the point where I can say that I accept how things went and that from now on I'll be happy the way I am. For everyone who actually read all of this, a few pieces of advice: do the things you love, go your own way and don't care about what anyone else has to say about it since you are the only person who can make yourself happy. Be proud on yourself for following your own path and let nobody drag you down. And don't let it take 1,5k worth of weed to find out it doesn't help.

I'm sure you've gotten tired of hearing this by now, but it is very, very difficult to get a job in game development. The reason why people react that way to you is because of the field's reputation. A lot of kids pursue game design degrees simply because they like playing video games, and never really consider the fact that creating a game is much different than playing one. I try not to give out tired lectures like this on a regular basis but my best friend got his bachelor's degree in game design this spring and, after months of searching for a job in anything IT-related, is about to start training to become a security guard. Every single person I know who got a degree in game design has told me it is their biggest regret. Again, I would not usually be tossing out unsolicited lectures like this one, but given that my friend is crashing on my couch indefinitely, it is a bit of a personal matter for me. Lecture aside, people will always find things to judge you for. As a female gamer, I've found that people only define you by one trait if you define yourself by it. If you define yourself as a game development student but don't emphasize your drive and the hard work you have put into your chosen path, people will not acknowledge those sides of you. If you take school and your future career seriously, other people will recognize your accomplishments and take you seriously.