Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

So I'm in a bit of a stupid situation right now, and I just want to see what other people think. My sister's birthday is this coming Saturday. My fiance and I are going to one of our friend's wedding, and we've told my family there's a wedding on that Saturday at least twice in the past - nobody seems to remember that conversation except us, but I digress. I tell my sister that I'm sorry, and that I can't control when my friends pick their wedding dates. She says that I should have said "I can't go" because that day belongs to my sister (for the record, she'll be 25, and still living at home). I tell her that we still can dedicate the time and celebrations for her on a different date, but it's apparently not good enough and she's mad at me. My perception is that she's throwing a fit. The thing is, we rarely ever celebrated her birthday on the actual date because it usually fell on a weekday and not all of our family could commit to gathering on a weekday. No plans have yet been made to celebrate her birthday this Saturday either, so it's not like we're bailing on plans already made. What do you all think?

[QUOTE=Protocol7;50846840]So I'm in a bit of a stupid situation right now, and I just want to see what other people think. My sister's birthday is this coming Saturday. My fiance and I are going to one of our friend's wedding, and we've told my family there's a wedding on that Saturday at least twice in the past - nobody seems to remember that conversation except us, but I digress. I tell my sister that I'm sorry, and that I can't control when my friends pick their wedding dates. She says that I should have said "I can't go" because that day belongs to my sister (for the record, she'll be 25, and still living at home). I tell her that we still can dedicate the time and celebrations for her on a different date, but it's apparently not good enough and she's mad at me. My perception is that she's throwing a fit. The thing is, we rarely ever celebrated her birthday on the actual date because it usually fell on a weekday and not all of our family could commit to gathering on a weekday. No plans have yet been made to celebrate her birthday this Saturday either, so it's not like we're bailing on plans already made. What do you all think?[/QUOTE] I think she's being precious [editline]8th August 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50846192]It's great that you're introspecting about this and are getting professional help. Those steps can be extremely difficult for people with depression. "Caregivers" in codependent relationships often end up in a cycle of dating partners who are dependent on them because of low self-worth and feeling that being needed by another person helps validate them. Another factor is being afraid to leave because they're afraid of being alone and/or because they feel they owe their continued loyalty to their partner (which sounds like what you might be experiencing). Keep in mind that we have virtually no power over the actions of others. You cannot change other people. You cannot help someone who does not want to help their self. No amount of compassion will cure depression if the depressed person is not actively trying to improve their own situation. Similarly, leaving her life is not going to have a huge effect on her. Your ex is already seriously depressed regardless of whether you are there to prevent her from killing herself. These are internal problems that she would need to sort out on her own - they are not your problems and no matter how long you stayed with her, you would have never solved them. Before you start seeking another relationship, I suggest you try and foster your relationship with yourself. Take some time to reclaim your identity and find ways to make yourself happy while identifying the things in your life that you're unhappy with. It's possible to be alone without being lonely.[/QUOTE] Thanks I think you are right. I definitely have confidence problems so maybe I should work on that for a while and spend some time away from relationships. Generally I think my problem lies with setting boundaries as I'm afraid to do so

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50846881]Thanks I think you are right. I definitely have confidence problems so maybe I should work on that for a while and spend some time away from relationships. Generally I think my problem lies with setting boundaries as I'm afraid to do so[/QUOTE] Establishing boundaries without feeling like you're being mean/unfair can definitely be difficult sometimes. I think the most important thing is to determine your boundaries and stick to them. If you don't show someone your boundaries, they will often keep pushing you and asking for more until you finally draw the line. If you draw the line before a person has already crossed it, they tend to be much more respectful of it. On the other hand, if you were to suddenly start saying "no" to someone you have always bent over backwards for, it may be hard for them to understand at first and they might become angry with you while they adjust to this new change. After all, it might seem like you're deescalating a relationship by expanding your boundaries this way.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50847041]Establishing boundaries without feeling like you're being mean/unfair can definitely be difficult sometimes. I think the most important thing is to determine your boundaries and stick to them. If you don't show someone your boundaries, they will often keep pushing you and asking for more until you finally draw the line. If you draw the line before a person has already crossed it, they tend to be much more respectful of it. On the other hand, if you were to suddenly start saying "no" to someone you have always bent over backwards for, it may be hard for them to understand at first and they might become angry with you while they adjust to this new change. After all, it might seem like you're deescalating a relationship by expanding your boundaries this way.[/QUOTE] Yeah, this definitely happened in our relationship. When we got together we were both really full on and there was no boundaries for either of us, but I started trying to introduce boundaries when I started working full time because there was a 12 week period where I think I got one weekend to myself. She didn't like it very much. I definitely could have handled the introduction of those boundaries better but like you said I was pretty overwhelmed by the whole situation. I think I found setting boundaries particularly hard with this girl because of the whole depression thing. I like having time to myself and I don't always answer the phone, but it was a very hard boundary to set because she could be having a panic attack when she called. Plus, I had just gotten out of a relationship when we got together and was dating pretty hard, so I hadn't allowed myself time to stabilise and figure myself out. My housemate said that you get three basic subsets of relationship people and its like avoidant partners, anxious partners and stable partners and that anxious partners tend to either seek out anxious or avoidant partners and avoidant do the same, but also that a stable partner when coupled with someone anxious can display tendencies of avoidance because the amount of investment and emotion becomes overwhelming and too much. Not sure how scientific that information is but I think there's merit in it Anyway during the initial breakup I spent 25 hours at her place trying to make sure she was okay. It was a fucking mess. I really didn't want to leave her but like you and I said it was fairly obvious that things would not improve. She told me she would kill herself and also begged me to stay telling me she would literally change everything about herself to stay with me. Man I could not handle that

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50847399]My housemate said that you get three basic subsets of relationship people and its like avoidant partners, anxious partners and stable partners and that anxious partners tend to either seek out anxious or avoidant partners and avoidant do the same, but also that a stable partner when coupled with someone anxious can display tendencies of avoidance because the amount of investment and emotion becomes overwhelming and too much. Not sure how scientific that information is but I think there's merit in it[/quote] It sounds like your housemate has been brushing up on their psychology. This aligns well with attachment theory. There are different attachment styles that are believed to be heavily influenced by a child's relationship with their caregiver as early as infancy. [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFdzmEAP_4A]Here's[/url] an interesting video showing attachment styles in children - their reactions, while obviously a bit more extreme than an adult's, might remind you of some people you've known. I'll add, while we're on the subject, that there are generally four attachment styles - avoidant is broken up into dismissive-avoidant (highly values independence, denies needing close relationships, often defensive about their emotions) and fearful-avoidant (often someone who has been "burned before" and is afraid of emotional intimacy due to it). [QUOTE=killerteacup;50847399] I think I found setting boundaries particularly hard with this girl because of the whole depression thing. I like having time to myself and I don't always answer the phone, but it was a very hard boundary to set because she could be having a panic attack when she called. Plus, I had just gotten out of a relationship when we got together and was dating pretty hard, so I hadn't allowed myself time to stabilise and figure myself out.[/quote] I know exactly what that's like and I empathize. I need way more time to myself than most people in my life are comfortable with (uh-oh, my attachment style is showing) and while some people have been understanding about it, some more anxious/depressed individuals view my behavior in a more self-centered way and believe I'm withdrawing from them personally. My past few relationships have been with these types of people and I've found that they tend to escalate relationships more quickly than I'm comfortable with - once you start dating again, I would keep an eye out for people who say things like "no games" frequently and try to push a relationship faster than feels appropriate. Anyway, here's hoping both of us eventually find partners that understand a need to be alone.

Just one of many reasons why I don't want to have kids of my own (not opposed to adoption). That knowledge would probably lead me to drive myself crazy trying to be the perfect parent.

Wanting more time to yourself than people are sometimes okay with is super relatable... Most of my days I'm at school or work but when I'm not I don't wanna be going out on dates or whatever, I just wanna be napping... It was easy with my high school relationship because my boyfriend lived literally like 2 minutes away but now that I'm older and people are scattered or long distance it's like uhhh... We can do something... Later. I have to nap. Depression and anxiety don't help on those fronts either. Neither does my gastrointestinal disorder which keeps me from feeling fully comfortable when I'm out on dates. As a result I'm not really dating right now.

I think it sucks because I kind of get thrown into the label of introvert or socially anxious which I'm not at all. I just have a very low energy reserve and work and school both take massive chunks out of it. My sister invited me out twice this weekend and I wanted to go but I was so tired from work I just said no so I could go sleep. Feels bad because you know you're missing stuff but you also know that if you do go out you might feel sick later. Big struggle for me.

Most people I meet are actually in the same situation of not wanting to socialize in their free time due to a busy schedule. The issue is that it's hard to sustain a friendship between two people who both never want to socialize. The people who stick around are usually the social/lonely ones who don't have someone more social to hang out with and are persistent enough to keep trying. [editline]8th August 2016[/editline] And I've put off dating indefinitely as well. I haven't had strong feelings for anyone that I've met since my ex besides one person who probably isn't a feasible option anyway, so I figure I'll focus on school for now and worry about dating once I'm comfortable with how the rest of my life is going.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50849010]Most people I meet are actually in the same situation of not wanting to socialize in their free time due to a busy schedule. The issue is that it's hard to sustain a friendship between two people who both never want to socialize. The people who stick around are usually the social/lonely ones who don't have someone more social to hang out with and are persistent enough to keep trying. [editline]8th August 2016[/editline] And I've put off dating indefinitely as well. I haven't had strong feelings for anyone that I've met since my ex besides one person who probably isn't a feasible option anyway, so I figure I'll focus on school for now and worry about dating once I'm comfortable with how the rest of my life is going.[/QUOTE] This is my intention too. Im doing a full time internship right now so i dont really have the opportunities to meet anyone - it's very corporate which is a lifestyle that i do not fit and i dont connect particularly well with anyone there but it takes up most of my time. I think that my habit has always been to jump from one to another though so i find myself wanting to date someone attractive based like, on a minutes conversation with them. Not a good habit. as for spending time alone i've noticed my closest friends are the ones who have figured out im not big on the socials always and accepted it and worked with it. I really value them for that as well so it works out in our favour as i habe a lot more time for them. Some of my friends at work are still miffed that i ditched drinks a couple months ago and bring it up at every opportunity and i cant imagine those friends lasting particularly long after my work ends because there is no sense of understanding there. I think valuing your time alone is healthy to be honest. If you need it but dont get it you just end up burning yourself out and that doesnt do anyone any favours

Yea i get the same thing, i'm tired at the end of the day and even on my days off i have other things i want to do, the rare times people get me out i'm usually just mentally going "I wish i was at home having a nap right now" or "I really wish i was at home playing that game i wanted to play with what little fucking free time i have no i'm an adult"

Unrelated, but I'm in a familiar situation of having to choose between two guys.. Except today the issue is which one is less likely to murder my bonsai while plant-sitting for me when I'm out of town. [editline]8th August 2016[/editline] I guess the real issue is which one is willing to put up with my bullshit of asking for a picture of it at least every other day to make sure it's okay.

is "murder my bonsai" a euphamism

no

What does a relationship mean to people here? IN the sense of what do they look for it in it and what are signs of a good relationship? I feel like I'm completely ignorant on the topic having not ever held down any sort of relationship. More than ever I just feel like I don't understand where to start.

[QUOTE=Purple Gecko;50851182]What does a relationship mean to people here? IN the sense of what do they look for it in it and what are signs of a good relationship? I feel like I'm completely ignorant on the topic having not ever held down any sort of relationship. More than ever I just feel like I don't understand where to start.[/QUOTE] Simply put, for me it is that we are both happy to be with each other and we enjoy each others presence. Also because we share the same humor and everything i want to do is something i can usually also do with my partner.

[QUOTE=Purple Gecko;50851182]What does a relationship mean to people here? IN the sense of what do they look for it in it and what are signs of a good relationship? I feel like I'm completely ignorant on the topic having not ever held down any sort of relationship. More than ever I just feel like I don't understand where to start.[/QUOTE] Technically, all the word "relationship" means is your relation to another person. You have a relationship with your friends, family, and any sort of acquaintance. The definition of a romantic relationship is something that varies immensely from person to person. Everyone has their own idea of what a relationship is based on the relationships they have seen modeled by friends, family, media, etc. Parents especially influence this. Every time you get into a new relationship, romantic or otherwise, it's going to be different because each of your preconceived expectations are going to come into play, and sometimes these differing definitions are going to lead to conflict. If you're worried about "where to start", it shouldn't be with the idea of romantic relationships. Focus on just meeting and talking to people and see where it leads. Healthy relationships don't start with pledging your loyalty to each other on the first date.

[QUOTE=Purple Gecko;50851182]What does a relationship mean to people here? IN the sense of what do they look for it in it and what are signs of a good relationship? I feel like I'm completely ignorant on the topic having not ever held down any sort of relationship. More than ever I just feel like I don't understand where to start.[/QUOTE] Someone who can tolerate me, my sense of humour, my choice of music etc and not want to control me. And same to me for them. And they also let me touch their butt, that sorta thing (Although to be honest as i've grown older my sex drive plummeted and when im in relationships it's actually the last thing i consider nowadays is how good the sex is/how often i get it, whereas when i was a little shit i used to base mine off of that)

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50851309]Technically, all the word "relationship" means is your relation to another person. You have a relationship with your friends, family, and any sort of acquaintance. The definition of a romantic relationship is something that varies immensely from person to person. Everyone has their own idea of what a relationship is based on the relationships they have seen modeled by friends, family, media, etc. Parents especially influence this. Every time you get into a new relationship, romantic or otherwise, it's going to be different because each of your preconceived expectations are going to come into play, and sometimes these differing definitions are going to lead to conflict. If you're worried about "where to start", it shouldn't be with the idea of romantic relationships. Focus on just meeting and talking to people and see where it leads. Healthy relationships don't start with pledging your loyalty to each other on the first date.[/QUOTE] I get what you mean with the idea of a romantic relationship just coming from friendship; I probably should have specified that's the sort of thing I meant in the first place. What I'm struggling with is thinking of places to meet new people considering I've pretty much felt out all my classes at college and I'm kind of happy where I stand with most people there. I'm only young so it's hard to be that mobile and go to new places.

i'm sure your college has clubs, join one

i don't remember how to date anymore after a year of being out of a relationship last time i tried to ask someone out i spilled so much spaghetti that i was no longer human, just a pastaman [i]what happened[/i] i can't meet anybody if my friends never want to go out to meet anybody what do [editline]9th August 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50852161]i'm sure your college has clubs, join one[/QUOTE] while i agree, clubs are amazing places to meet friends, i honestly have never met anybody in any club i could say i've had romantic interest in

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50846573]I'm sure you've gotten tired of hearing this by now, but it is very, very difficult to get a job in game development. The reason why people react that way to you is because of the field's reputation. A lot of kids pursue game design degrees simply because they like playing video games, and never really consider the fact that creating a game is much different than playing one. I try not to give out tired lectures like this on a regular basis but my best friend got his bachelor's degree in game design this spring and, after months of searching for a job in anything IT-related, is about to start training to become a security guard. Every single person I know who got a degree in game design has told me it is their biggest regret. Again, I would not usually be tossing out unsolicited lectures like this one, but given that my friend is crashing on my couch indefinitely, it is a bit of a personal matter for me.[/QUOTE] That reminds me, I knew someone who was doing Game Design and I intentionally didn't tell him this as frankly he was a dick to me and I strongly suspect to this day he was the main figure in causing the end of my friendship with my best friend in college. I know don't give a leg up to your enemy and all but I can't help but think it that deliberately sabotaging his career was a dick move too far.

You're not responsible for his life choices. If people look into the prospects of game design for more than like two minutes, it's pretty easy to see that it's an industry where you've gotta be pretty lucky to get a job you enjoy. Can't blame yourself for that.

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;50852324]i honestly have never met anybody in any club i could say i've had romantic interest in[/QUOTE] shit i guess he won't either then

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50846573]I'm sure you've gotten tired of hearing this by now, but it is very, very difficult to get a job in game development. The reason why people react that way to you is because of the field's reputation. A lot of kids pursue game design degrees simply because they like playing video games, and never really consider the fact that creating a game is much different than playing one. I try not to give out tired lectures like this on a regular basis but my best friend got his bachelor's degree in game design this spring and, after months of searching for a job in anything IT-related, is about to start training to become a security guard. Every single person I know who got a degree in game design has told me it is their biggest regret. Again, I would not usually be tossing out unsolicited lectures like this one, but given that my friend is crashing on my couch indefinitely, it is a bit of a personal matter for me. Lecture aside, people will always find things to judge you for. As a female gamer, I've found that people only define you by one trait if you define yourself by it. If you define yourself as a game development student but don't emphasize your drive and the hard work you have put into your chosen path, people will not acknowledge those sides of you. If you take school and your future career seriously, other people will recognize your accomplishments and take you seriously.[/QUOTE] Curious, but what if someone were to pursue in writing for the gaming industry? Doesn't have to be thinking of the next ES or Fallout sequel/expansion, but what if it's something like sidequest development or...something. I'm losing my train of thought. Basically I opted for a game degree since high school. Had my first intro to game development course in college last year with a group and a good friend, but something went wrong with development and level one(my level) was unplayable. In the end we got ~B-C+ for the class, but I didn't feel happy about it. So I switched over to a General Studies degree and found myself to be a competent writer. Despite this I still want to get involved in videos games in some form, be happy with it, and get a decent amount of pay to make out a living. Source Filmmaker and my Bloodborne Fanfic are the only tools at the moment that's helping me out with this pursuit, but I don't know what to put my focus on.

I'm having this conflict with my friend and I'm having a hard time seeing the other side of it. I figured I should post about it here to try and get more perspective. This girl and I have been friends for about a year. Really great friends. She would come over to my house for drinking nights, sleep over, whatever. Well about 3 months ago she got a boyfriend. And I hate to say it but her relationship with him is putting some strain on her relationship with me. The guy doesn't drink, so she resolved that she doesn't drink anymore either. So now I'm minus a drinking buddy. Now she also tells me she doesn't feel comfortable spending the night at my house anymore, because of him. Never mind the fact that she and I don't have sex or do anything that could remotely be considered cheating. She has her own room to sleep in when she stays over at my house and everything. The thing that I've started to wonder about... She tells me she just decided to do all these things out of her own volition out of respect for him... But as time goes on, I've got this growing suspicion that he's TELLING her not to drink anymore, and that he's TELLING her not to spend time with me. Because there have been some weird circumstances around the issue. In the year that I've known her, she's been through like 3 relationships, some longer-lasting than this current one, and she never had the slightest reservations about staying over at my house during that time. But then get a load of this timetable. About a week ago she first broke the news to me that she doesn't want to stay over anymore. Last night I got to see her again for a couple hours and I asked her why it was. She told me it just made her uncomfortable, since she's in a relationship. We talked a little and she said it's probably not that big a deal, and agreed to spend a night at my house tonight. Well, suddenly around 4 PM today she sent me a really long text about how she agreed to that too prematurely, and once again doesn't feel comfortable staying over at my house. Another thing that makes me suspicious is that she told me that "there were trust issues" in her boyfriend's previous relationship. It makes me wonder if HE was the one who had trust issues in that relationship, and that's why she refuses to spend any more nights at my house. No matter what the case, it's something that bothers me. I might be seeing this from a pretty fatalistic perspective, but my belief is that he should trust her when she's staying over at my house if we're JUST friends, since I know and she knows that we're doing absolutely nothing to feel guilty over. I think that if she's doing nothing wrong, and he still doesn't trust her, then it's his problem, and not hers. That she isn't responsible for any wrongful mistrust on his part. And to be really blunt about it I'd say it's a bad idea to date someone if you have to sacrifice your normal life for them, sacrifice friendships for them, and tiptoe around in your life hoping they aren't going to develop a misguided suspicion of you. But obviously I can't make any of these decisions for her. If she's determined that she can no longer allow herself to stay over at my house, I have to respect that wish. But I can't say I agree with it, or that I'm happy about it. Should I bother to say any of this to her, or should I just shut up and deal with it?

I'll be honest I would feel uncomfortable if my girlfriend stayed overnight at a guy's house. I wouldn't tell her not to go, but I'd let her know that I wasn't comfortable with the idea. Have you even met the guy and introduced yourself because I definitely wouldn't want my gf to stay with a guy who I've never met.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;50853000]I'm having this conflict with my friend and I'm having a hard time seeing the other side of it. I figured I should post about it here to try and get more perspective. This girl and I have been friends for about a year. Really great friends. She would come over to my house for drinking nights, sleep over, whatever. Well about 3 months ago she got a boyfriend. And I hate to say it but her relationship with him is putting some strain on her relationship with me. The guy doesn't drink, so she resolved that she doesn't drink anymore either. So now I'm minus a drinking buddy. Now she also tells me she doesn't feel comfortable spending the night at my house anymore, because of him. Never mind the fact that she and I don't have sex or do anything that could remotely be considered cheating. She has her own room to sleep in when she stays over at my house and everything. The thing that I've started to wonder about... She tells me she just decided to do all these things out of her own volition out of respect for him... But as time goes on, I've got this growing suspicion that he's TELLING her not to drink anymore, and that he's TELLING her not to spend time with me. Because there have been some weird circumstances around the issue. In the year that I've known her, she's been through like 3 relationships, some longer-lasting than this current one, and she never had the slightest reservations about staying over at my house during that time. But then get a load of this timetable. About a week ago she first broke the news to me that she doesn't want to stay over anymore. Last night I got to see her again for a couple hours and I asked her why it was. She told me it just made her uncomfortable, since she's in a relationship. We talked a little and she said it's probably not that big a deal, and agreed to spend a night at my house tonight. Well, suddenly around 4 PM today she sent me a really long text about how she agreed to that too prematurely, and once again doesn't feel comfortable staying over at my house. Another thing that makes me suspicious is that she told me that "there were trust issues" in her boyfriend's previous relationship. It makes me wonder if HE was the one who had trust issues in that relationship, and that's why she refuses to spend any more nights at my house. No matter what the case, it's something that bothers me. I might be seeing this from a pretty fatalistic perspective, but my belief is that he should trust her when she's staying over at my house if we're JUST friends, since I know and she knows that we're doing absolutely nothing to feel guilty over. I think that if she's doing nothing wrong, and he still doesn't trust her, then it's his problem, and not hers. That she isn't responsible for any wrongful mistrust on his part. And to be really blunt about it I'd say it's a bad idea to date someone if you have to sacrifice your normal life for them, sacrifice friendships for them, and tiptoe around in your life hoping they aren't going to develop a misguided suspicion of you. But obviously I can't make any of these decisions for her. If she's determined that she can no longer allow herself to stay over at my house, I have to respect that wish. But I can't say I agree with it, or that I'm happy about it. Should I bother to say any of this to her, or should I just shut up and deal with it?[/QUOTE] I'm all for the whole "trust and don't try to control your partner" but her coming over to your house alone for sleep overs would be really weird even if you have a strictly platonic relationship. I don't think I could stay with someone who did that with another guy. The drinking and the other stuff is another thing entirely and it might be that you are right about him telling her. If this bothers you a lot you could tell her but don't get angry with her and realize that there's probably nothing you can say or do to change it either way. I understand that this must suck for you but remember that you are still great friends and there are loads of stuff you can do even if you aren't drinking buddies anymore.

[QUOTE=gooldude;50853346]I'll be honest I would feel uncomfortable if my girlfriend stayed overnight at a guy's house. I wouldn't tell her not to go, but I'd let her know that I wasn't comfortable with the idea. Have you even met the guy and introduced yourself because I definitely wouldn't want my gf to stay with a guy who I've never met.[/QUOTE] After the amount of times i've been betrayed that would just set alarm bells off for me isntantly now, which is sad as i want to be as trusting as i once was but i cant anymore.

[QUOTE=maddogsamurai;50852935]Curious, but what if someone were to pursue in writing for the gaming industry? Doesn't have to be thinking of the next ES or Fallout sequel/expansion, but what if it's something like sidequest development or...something. I'm losing my train of thought. Basically I opted for a game degree since high school. Had my first intro to game development course in college last year with a group and a good friend, but something went wrong with development and level one(my level) was unplayable. In the end we got ~B-C+ for the class, but I didn't feel happy about it. So I switched over to a General Studies degree and found myself to be a competent writer. Despite this I still want to get involved in videos games in some form, be happy with it, and get a decent amount of pay to make out a living. Source Filmmaker and my Bloodborne Fanfic are the only tools at the moment that's helping me out with this pursuit, but I don't know what to put my focus on.[/QUOTE] Sorry, but I don't have an informed opinion on this. My field is psychology. It's my understanding that most fields are pretty competitive below graduate-level education. If this is really what you want to do, if you work hard and are really good at what you do, you might be able to make it work. Personally, I've opted to limit music and writing to hobbies for myself since they're very difficult to make a living off of (and research has supported that activities tend to become less enjoyable when you're getting paid to do them). I'll add that, with media in general, everyone wants to be the "ideas guy". Most studios do not need another "ideas guy". [editline]9th August 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=maddogsamurai;50852935]Despite this I still want to get involved in videos games in some form, be happy with it, and get a decent amount of pay to make out a living.[/QUOTE] Pick two.