Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=meharryp;50865848]I keep having dreams that I find a girlfriend then they die within about 2 hours. Don't really take much from it.[/QUOTE] I don't know, I've had some pretty meaningful dreams before. Not that I feel it's some spiritual vision, just that it's one part of my brain speaking to another and I'm picking things up from the chatter.

The significance of a dream is usually whatever you personally interpret it to be. Dreams are a way for our brain to organize information and investigate potential outcomes of situations (no matter how feasible they are in real life). They also allow us to explore "taboo" thoughts and feelings in a nonjudgmental context, sometimes by using a metaphorical situation that feels less shameful to us than the one causing those thoughts and feelings.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50866402]Dreams are a way for our brain to organize information and investigate potential outcomes of situations (no matter how feasible they are in real life).[/QUOTE] Your brain doesn't know how everyone will react to a social situation at all, it's just predictions. Your brain might predict that person X will not hold a door for you ever (I couldn't think of anything else) but in reality they may be willing. Take your dreams with a pinch of salt IMO.

[QUOTE=meharryp;50866622]Your brain doesn't know how everyone will react to a social situation at all, it's just predictions. Your brain might predict that person X will not hold a door for you ever (I couldn't think of anything else) but in reality they may be willing. Take your dreams with a pinch of salt IMO.[/QUOTE] The emphasis isn't on predicting reality, it's on emotionally preparing yourself for possibilities.

[QUOTE=meharryp;50866622]Your brain doesn't know how everyone will react to a social situation at all, it's just predictions. Your brain might predict that person X will not hold a door for you ever (I couldn't think of anything else) but in reality they may be willing. Take your dreams with a pinch of salt IMO.[/QUOTE] It did remind me very strongly on past experiences, both recent and much older. I don't think I've grown any more adept at socialising since any of those times.

I dont know if this is the right forum, but it is "Super friendly" and i dont really know where to look for some advice or to really tell anyone about this obcession of mine as i feel really stupid :v:

You can post it here, if you want.

Depends on the obsession, really, and just how big of an obsession it is. I mean, if it's stalker-level obsession, then people might wrinkle their nose a little. If you want to be safe, you can always just talk with someone in private. From what I've seen though, most people in this thread are very understanding and friendly.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;50867733]Depends on the obsession, really, and just how big of an obsession it is. I mean, if it's stalker-level obsession, then people might wrinkle their nose a little. If you want to be safe, you can always just talk with someone in private. From what I've seen though, most people in this thread are very understanding and friendly.[/QUOTE] Oh no nothing like that, i mean like OCD obcession, i have it mildly compared to some but i have one specific thing i've done for years and wasted loads of money/time on instead of just enjoying it (It's just basically pc gaming) No, no stalking or anything, i'll write it up a bit later maybe but just it's something i'm trying to get over and people have told me i'm getting more agitated in real life and i know why, because i always have this in my mind.

So you're addicted to PC gaming? Not really an OCD thing so much as an addiction - which honestly is not uncommon on this forum, of all places.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50868008]So you're addicted to PC gaming? Not really an OCD thing so much as an addiction - which honestly is not uncommon on this forum, of all places.[/QUOTE] No, it's something to do with how things perform. To the point where every day i'm going between the same 3 things trying to fix something that i cant physically fix (As it isnt an issue on my end) and i get aggitated if i'm not trying to fix it. -edit- But it also extends into other things, if i notice something i think somethings wrong with it, however there isnt, it's working as intended, i just get obcessed that its broken and then try to fix it.

That's also a pretty common thing for people who are technologically inclined perfectionists. Still not quite a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But if it affects you in a negative way, I'm not really sure what the option is for that. Maybe taking a step away from tweaking performance where it can't be tweaked or maybe consulting people outside your area of expertise/knowledge to provide different solutions to these "problems" may alleviate the responsibility that comes with having to fix something that you typically can't fix.

Anyone with severe Aspergers that has a few advice on how to interact with others socially?

[QUOTE=Pascall;50868061]That's also a pretty common thing for people who are technologically inclined perfectionists. Still not quite a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. But if it affects you in a negative way, I'm not really sure what the option is for that. Maybe taking a step away from tweaking performance where it can't be tweaked or maybe consulting people outside your area of expertise/knowledge to provide different solutions to these "problems" may alleviate the responsibility that comes with having to fix something that you typically can't fix.[/QUOTE] The thing is, i know what it is, it's me, it's me expecting perfection out of something i cant. When i was younger, before i had money and my own home, i was able to boot up a game and play at an abysmal framerate on some shit tier computer and be happy. Now, i've gone through 3 pcs this year, sold my first, moved to a gaming pc i built (just a mini itx thing with a 960 in it) and it had the same issues and spent months doing the same thing, then sold all my stuff minus hard drives. Got brand new keyboard/monitor/pc (built by someone else to remove it being my end causing a fault) and the same issue happened. It got to a point where ijust kept fresh installing windows all the time to fix it. But where as most people would just say "Hey, maybe the mouse just performs shit in this game and people get on with it instead of complaining" But i look it up online noone else seems to have issues, i found the mouse ran like ass on Doom yet noone else noticed. So i gritted through it but then i dont enjoy the game. But it isnt every game, thats why i know it cant be my end, its always been the SAME games on every rig regardless of what i do and how i optimize it, itsnever a framerate issue, its just some games have awful mouse control and that problem doesnt seem to extend to using a controller. But instead of just accepting thats how some games are and using a controller for the ones i have problems with (Fallout, Doom and a few others) i wouldnt keep blowing through money being a fucking idiot. But i cant just let it go and accept it. Maybe it isnt an obcession, i have obcessive tendancies according to my old Therapist, i never believed it but lately i have because of this exact reason.

I'd say that's really just called having obsessive standards, but it doesn't seem like the behavior equated to a legitimate disorder. Just that you're displeased with something not meeting your expectations. There also may be a small sense of entitlement since, yes, you're paying money for something and it's not meeting your standards, but overall that is also fairly common for people who are used to a certain level of functionality. Which is annoying, I'm sure, but requires something to change if you want to break the cycle. Meaning, you may need to take a step back from what it is that's affecting you to the point of aggression.

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;50862446]I'll relax, it's just this is like the first I've mentioned it publicly. I don't know who else to tell and since this thread seemed slow I wanted to put forth any perceived variables [editline]10th August 2016[/editline] I just wish there was something easier than simply waiting. It's hard because other unrelated events have put me in a position of nothing and my anxiety runs wild[/QUOTE] Relax. You didn't say anything bad to her at all. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's working. Maybe she's going out with the other dude. You did nothing wrong so stop thinking you did. The worst thing you could do to yourself in this situation is over-analyze.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;50868095]Anyone with severe Aspergers that has a few advice on how to interact with others socially?[/QUOTE] I'm an aspie, and the best advice I can give is just to be a nice and interesting person, and people will come to you instead. It's a very passive approach, which is great for those of us with social anxiety, but somehow it works for me. I also find group situations very difficult. I always need a wingman to back me up, but you can make friends within those too.

[QUOTE=Padgoi;50868211]Relax. You didn't say anything bad to her at all. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's working. [b]Maybe she's going out with the other dude.[/b] You did nothing wrong so stop thinking you did. The worst thing you could do to yourself in this situation is over-analyze.[/QUOTE] I hope this isn't the case. I'd be pretty jaded if I was being ignored over something so stupid. Even a "you can't come" response would be better than nothing, because as it is I'm just sitting here anxiously anticipating an answer. I can't begin to cope/get over something that hasn't even happened yet yknow? Can't be all "eh fuggit ain't even worth it, her loss" if I don't even know if it's intentional yet. Plus that (avoiding me to not tell me something) would kind of harm my thought of her as trustworthy. Being so busy you'd not be able to answer someone for days on end seems odd to me, but I guess something like that could've caused some of our hiatus in the past... Only difference was I had something to do and no real ongoing important questions at that time. Thank you for the advice and assurance. Some kik messengers popped up from my address book, I think one might be her, and her snapchat showed up from address book too. Would it be harmful to add her snapchat and send "who's this" to some of these kiks? Would that count in the ratio rules?

I never once said i HAD ocd, i just said its more of an OCD like obcession than an obcession with someone. Misworded, sorry,. [editline]11th August 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;50868144]I'd say that's really just called having obsessive standards, but it doesn't seem like the behavior equated to a legitimate disorder. Just that you're displeased with something not meeting your expectations. There also may be a small sense of entitlement since, yes, you're paying money for something and it's not meeting your standards, but overall that is also fairly common for people who are used to a certain level of functionality. Which is annoying, I'm sure, but requires something to change if you want to break the cycle. Meaning, you may need to take a step back from what it is that's affecting you to the point of aggression.[/QUOTE] I suppose it is just the fact that it isnt PERFECTLY smooth, i just wish i could be like i was when i was younger, Vsync off, able to ignore screen tearing, stuttering due to too high framerate over refresh etc.

... Okay, so I was hanging out with, among others, my last crush and her S.O. And the only thing I felt when they discussed short and long term plans, was happiness for a pair of friends, as they make a good match. No jaleously, no lingering stuff, no resentement... I think I like the kind of person I am, even when I am afraid I would mess stuff up.

Haven't really worried about women at all since I broke up with my girlfriend in February and honestly overall it's been one of the happiest times of my life. I've just been working on improving myself and enjoying life, and I think that was my problem from the beginning. Like so many people, I was so caught up in society's expectations of romance and sex and unconsciously, I directly tied my self-worth to how much sex I was having. Not surprisingly, I felt like a complete loser, even though I had a lot going for me and people around me generally thinking I was a pretty good/cool guy. I think having that incredible relationship with my ex (I broke it off and we're on really good terms) along with [sp]a few really good LSD trips[/sp] really helped me a get a healthy perspective on life and love. Right now, I'm just content to work hard at school, have fun with my friends, and continue to explore my hobbies. The right girl will come in time.

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;50868314]Some kik messengers popped up from my address book, I think one might be her, and her snapchat showed up from address book too. Would it be harmful to add her snapchat and send "who's this" to some of these kiks? Would that count in the ratio rules?[/QUOTE] Anyone? Could actions like this hurt?

So I'm back And, as of the past few days, I'm on good terms with two people I was previously not on good terms with: 1) A girl from a LONG time ago some of you may remember who, after going out and making out for about two weeks, suddenly blocked me on all forms of social media after I stressed out about her and seemed kind of clingy. Brought me into a really bad place. Now I hang out with her and her friends and we have both forgiven eachother. 2) A really close friend, but there may have been some romatic feelings between us at one point or another. A few weeks ago we cuddled together in her bed and slept with each other overnight (not sex) and she got really mad at me a few days later. I apologized to her and she told me she didn't mean a lot of the stuff she said, she was just confused. We are really good friends now and plan on going to the beach together before I go off to school. We're both at the point where it's like it didn't even happen, which is awesome. Problem is I'm still sort of attracted to both of them (not as much as when I first met them, but it is still there). I'm not crushing really hard on either of them, but there's a part of me that's just waiting for a moment to make a move when we hang out one-on-one. And I know this is really scummy to feel like this about two girls at once (in the event that anything happens, I'll stick with the one that it happened with), but I can't seem to help it. I really do value both of these friendships and I have really awesome times with both of them but, I just feel kind of immasculated, I guess. I don't know the word for it. I've been actively searching for a relationship and have been [I]extremely[/I] sexually frustrated for the past year or two, so I guess it's just hormones. Either way I'm not actively pursuing either of them romantically until I know for sure one of them reciprocates the feeling. I'm not getting any signals that they like me like that, or that they don't. So I don't know. I'm probably just a desperate piece of shit lmao

[QUOTE=NixNax123;50873861] I'm probably just a desperate piece of shit lmao[/QUOTE] Don't say that man, pretty much every man on the planet has been in your situation before. My advice is to just play it cool and just be their friend. If it rekindles into something more than that by itself, so be it, but in the meantime If I were you I would set your sights elsewhere. [editline]12th August 2016[/editline] Wow, accidentally clicked onto the first page of this thread and I saw my post from nearly a year ago whining that the girl I ended up dating had just rejected me again... It's so strange how much has happened in a year. I feel like a completely separate entity from the dude who wrote that post.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;50874392]Don't say that man, pretty much every man on the planet has been in your situation before. My advice is to just play it cool and just be their friend. If it rekindles into something more than that by itself, so be it, but in the meantime If I were you I would set your sights elsewhere.[/QUOTE] Oh no I'm not actively trying to pursue either of them; I'm not really "looking" for anything right now. When I find the right person, I'll find them, but in the meantime I'm in no hurry. I like being their friend and I'm good at playing to cool, so I'll be fine moving forwards, but I just wanted to vent a little I guess. Thanks!

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;50874392]Wow, accidentally clicked onto the first page of this thread and I saw my post from nearly a year ago whining that the girl I ended up dating had just rejected me again... It's so strange how much has happened in a year. I feel like a completely separate entity from the dude who wrote that post.[/QUOTE] I can't believe this thread's been going for a year now, it feels so short. One year used to not be a very big deal for me socially, but the past two years I've been going through a lot of changes. Almost like being a teenager again. Like, two years ago I met a girl I had a huge crush on. A year later I was frustrated because she was so bad at communicating (i.e. responding to texts, calls, etc., which she still is) and she stood me up for what was pretty well implied to be a date... twice. I was pretty much ready to stop being friends with her, but now, two years later, we've become better friends than ever before. Still gave up on dating her though, because if anything she's only become MORE unreliable over time. Also a year ago, I met a girl who ended up being my best friend, hooked up with her several times, she talked about moving in together like it was a sure thing, like a matter of [i]when[/i], rather than [i]if[/i], even said once or twice (jokingly) that we should just get married. 9 months after that she tells me she has a boyfriend now and she was just using me for sex the whole time, but also I'm still the best friend she ever had. Makes me wonder how she treats her enemies. It's been a pretty nutty time for me.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50874801]The thing about being platonics friends with the opposite sex, it becomes so easy once you do it once[/QUOTE] Still gotta figure this out, no idea how

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50877936]Typically when you get in a relationship, it becomes super easy because you're not looking/searching for a relationship with everyone you meet, you genuinely want to chat/interact/be friends with them without an ulterior motive.[/QUOTE] Hasn't worked for me, I still only talk to people I wouldn't mind fucking, it's annoying I only have 1 friend who I would mind (and it's because she's too fat for my taste)

It's been a fair while since i cut contact with my family, and i still to this date feel it was the best decision of my life. I suffered abuse, never sexual, never truly hardcore violent but enough to scar me. When i say scar, it really isnt as bad as some, but i have far less tolerance for toxicity in my life, and even though in the later years they had calmed down, it was still too deep. But now, i'm so much happier, sure i have my own problems but they dont stem from what they are doing to me on a daily basis, i'm happy even isolated alone. I made newer friends, but i still live uncomftorably close, they just dont know where. In reality, i'm a 20 minute drive from my hometown, and for the past few months i've contemplated moving up north to completely start anew (Not that i havent now, but i still worry being far too close to where my family is) I changed my name, a lot of my general appearance. I used to have long ass hair now i'm bald usually, wear glasses instead of contacts and funnily enough a lot of people rarely recognize me even from school days. I heard that my grandfather passed away not recently, and i feel mroe bad about more caring than i do him dying. He was never overly abusive but he was also a contributor. My mother fell deeper into alcoholism, i fought for years to help her but to no success, she most likely will die fairly soon and in all honesty i also couldnt care. I feel bad about not caring, but i feel no emotion towards any of them, i chose this life to better myself and in the end that is all i care about. Even if it seems/is selfish, i've never been happier and growing up there showed me that people can be evil and emotionally ruin you, but time heals the deepest of wounds like that.

People seem to brand selfishness as a bad thing, but sometimes it's necessary for your own wellbeing.