Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

Making connections is the best: basically no longer have an apartment where I study, because I didn't wanna throw money away over Summer for an apartment I wouldn't even be living in. Fast forward from June to August and I realise I've got to resit a bunch of exams. They're all over the span of 12 days or so. I look up hotel prices... Way too expensive. I check out Airbnb places, still pretty damn expensive (like 380 quid for 12 days, as opposed to almost 650 for a hotel). I noticed a friend of mine who I've only met a few times had a listing up, so I messaged them and said how it was a small world and what a coincidence seeing her listing there. She straight up told me I can stay at the room for free which is awesome. I told her I'd pay her half what Airbnb was quoting as it's only fair. But damn, it's weird how some people are so chill like that. Thanks to her kindness, I'm saving almost 200 quid. Gonna leave a bigass box of chocolates and a lil cheeky thank you note, and I said I owe them a huge debt and if ever I can help them out the same, I'll definitely do it. Be nice to everyone, cause you never know when they'll turn around and help you out of a really tight spot.

How do I ask my friend if she's still mad at me without just being like "hey are you still mad?" I dunno, to me that sounds like kind of a "just get over it already" kind of question. Thing is, I did thing that made her mad on Friday, apologized in a text on Saturday, and she has yet to respond in any way. It was a pretty small event so I doubt anyone would still be mad over it 3 days later, but if she doesn't speak to me then I have no way of knowing.

What exactly did you do? and ngl that's some highschool-tier drama shit she's pulling. Pretty sure you're in your late 20's, right? She should adult up and communicate instead of playing silent treatment, especially since you apologized (but you lose brownie points for doing it [I]over text man[/I]) [editline]22nd August 2016[/editline] I get you're good friends but genuinely if I was in your position, I'd say fuck it and let her be the first one to talk, especially if I'd sent her an apology text that she just outright ignored. Ain't nobody got time for that and I'm not going to sit there over the course of 3 days pulling my hair out over it.

Well I'm in my mid 20s and she's 19. I wouldn't normally do it over text but I didn't really think it was a huge deal, I mean she has texted me apologies over way bigger stuff before and I'm fine with that. The conflict in question here is kind of a complicated story, and it'll take me doing the old "let's call her 'A'" storytelling method. So, on the 18th a mutual coworker of ours (let's call her A) was having a birthday party. I talked to my friend (let's call her B) on the phone a few days prior saying I'm not sure if I should go to A's party since I had work at 9 am the day after. B encouraged me to sit it out, saying I really shouldn't go out if I have work that early, but B wishes I could. So I get to work the morning after A's party, and B is already there at work. And her shift started at 8 am. I asked B if she missed the party too and she goes "No, I went. It was a lot of fun, you should have gone." I was a little annoyed that she first made me feel like I shouldn't go, then told me the morning after that I should have gone. But mostly I felt bad that I wasn't able to be there for A's party, when B was willing to make an even bigger sacrifice to be there. It took me a little while to convince myself that I'm not a worse friend than B for not even trying to go out to the party. But when I tried to tell B how bad I felt about not going, she got really defensive about it, and I guess I made it sound like I was blaming HER for my not going. And I admit she was a big factor in my decision but at the end of the day it was still my decision. So yeah. I apologized over text for blaming her for my problems. And here we are now.

i think she got defensive because you brought it up again for some reason chances are she said "you should have gone" as a way of saying "i wish you didn't have work today" [editline]22nd August 2016[/editline] she probably doesn't care anymore but will probably become annoyed if you keep bringing it up, directly or indirectly. it's not a big deal, it's not even a small deal, it should've stopped at "you should have gone"

So I'm friends with this girl who moved away to learn to be a nurse. We went to school together for roughly 4 months before she moved. We kept in touch since then and pretty much talked to eachother everyday. After a while I kinda started having feelings despite the fact I told her I didn't want to have a girlfriend after being rejected by another girl back at last Christmas. We're both socially awkward. We don't know a lot about stuff outside of school and work. We live in different areas. She's one of the few girls I met that I'm comfortable expressing my thoughts to. However, I simply don't know enough about her to justify wanting to be in a relationship.

how far away do you live? maybe get to know her better through a few dates?

I live in Kansas and she lives in Texas.

I have a best friend (someone I trust) in my class that I'd really like to have something with her. She is acting a bit weird than before: she will joke more with me, we establish visual contact sometimes during class and she even told me I shouldn't worry because she would accompany me in a party. I don't know what is going on, maybe I'm too paranoid to think she could be fond of me in a non friendly way. Should I engage and tell her that I have feelings for her that surpass the friend zone?

[QUOTE=RockyTV;50942063]I have a best friend (someone I trust) in my class that I'd really like to have something with her. She is acting a bit weird than before: she will joke more with me, we establish visual contact sometimes during class and she even told me I shouldn't worry because she would accompany me in a party. I don't know what is going on, maybe I'm too paranoid to think she could be fond of me in a non friendly way. Should I engage and tell her that I have feelings for her that surpass the friend zone?[/QUOTE] don't tell her, ask her out. just gauge interest further than "she makes eye contact with me sometimes" (???)

[QUOTE=RockyTV;50942063]I have a best friend (someone I trust) in my class that I'd really like to have something with her. She is acting a bit weird than before: she will joke more with me, we establish visual contact sometimes during class and she even told me I shouldn't worry because she would accompany me in a party. I don't know what is going on, maybe I'm too paranoid to think she could be fond of me in a non friendly way. Should I engage and tell her that I have feelings for her that surpass the friend zone?[/QUOTE] Look, the friendzone is just a construct to discourage you. Your paranoia is going to be your down fall and if you don't act on that it's just going to build up and get worse. If you leave it too soon she'll think you've lost interest, that's assuming there is something.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;50942073]don't tell her, ask her out. just gauge interest further than "she makes eye contact with me sometimes" (???)[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=sheridanm;50942094]Look, the friendzone is just a construct to discourage you. Your paranoia is going to be your down fall and if you don't act on that it's just going to build up and get worse. If you leave it too soon she'll think you've lost interest, that's assuming there is something.[/QUOTE] I tried twice. One time she said she couldn't go and explained why, the other time she said it'd be better if we invited our whole group, but we never planned it. It was before she began to act different, and now she just asked me to go to her house and study with her. I am a bad person for checking signs on people, but I think this could be my chance? I'm not afraid of telling her I really like her, the only thing I'm afraid of is losing her friendship because of this.

If you're worried about losing her friendship because you expressed romantic interest, you gotta understand that someone who is very quick to drop all past history because of that is probably not someone who would be a long term friend in the first place. I say probably, because there are obviously exceptions. But ultimately, if you're prepared for the possibility that she might not be into you and you're prepared to brush aside your own feelings to continue being friends with her (which is totally possible as long as a person is mature and strong willed enough), then your friendship doesn't have to be at stake. A lot of guys fall into a "love me or nothing" mentality where if they can't be with a certain girl, they don't want to be around her at all or can't handle being around her at all when their own feelings are involved. It's kind of a tough thing to try and figure out for yourself, but don't let it fuck over your courage to just go right out and ask her. You can do it.

[QUOTE=RockyTV;50942215]I tried twice. One time she said she couldn't go and explained why, the other time she said it'd be better if we invited our whole group, but we never planned it. It was before she began to act different, and now she just asked me to go to her house and study with her. I am a bad person for checking signs on people, but I think this could be my chance? I'm not afraid of telling her I really like her, the only thing I'm afraid of is losing her friendship because of this.[/QUOTE] Just go for it. If you're scared, don't do anything, just look for more signs. Me and my girlfriend started out just watching a few movies, not really doing much. It eventually just sort of happened on its own after a few times.

So...I'm going to a college that's mainly men. The school is flight/engineering/security oriented so it's mostly guys that go into those fields anyway. I just started my first year and naturally I'm very nervous. I'm not so much worried about the school work as I am social things and especially the girls here. Back home I had a nice group of friends, and my school was small so everybody basically knew each other. Now I'm dropped in a school with 5,000 kids compared to my like 400 back home. I don't know anyone except my roommate who doesn't talk much (good, lol). My main concern is girls. I find it so hard to introduce myself to other men, let alone a girl. I have no idea what I'm so nervous for. I've had sex with/"dated" 2 different girls. One from high school and another from work, so there's nothing that's really "new" for me to be nervous about, but I can't help it. Because my school is mainly men, the girls basically have the pick of the litter when it comes to guys. Classes haven't even started yet and I'm already seeing guys and girls together. I guess what I'm getting at is that I need advice on how to, at this point, at least befriending some of the girls.

Anyone got any good distractions (primarily at night when you're laying in bed trying to sleep) from thoughts of missing people (whether that be exes, or old friends) that you cannot be in contact with for whatever reason? Any advice much appreciated, would be great to hear different perspectives - Thank you! :smile:

[QUOTE=GisG56;50945049]Anyone got any good distractions (primarily at night when you're laying in bed trying to sleep) from thoughts of missing people (whether that be exes, or old friends) that you cannot be in contact with for whatever reason? Any advice much appreciated, would be great to hear different perspectives - Thank you! :smile:[/QUOTE] Cliche I know but maybe try reading a book? Its been a bit of shitty year for me this year but out of nowhere really started reading books again (And probably actively for the first time since I finished school) and its really help take my mind out of things. Word of advice though, while it can be good to distract yourself from the world every now and again don't shut yourself off completely, those problems will still be there and you will only dig yourself an even bigger hole.

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;50945426]Cliche I know but maybe try reading a book? Its been a bit of shitty year for me this year but out of nowhere really started reading books again (And probably actively for the first time since I finished school) and its really help take my mind out of things. Word of advice though, while it can be good to distract yourself from the world every now and again don't shut yourself off completely, those problems will still be there and you will only dig yourself an even bigger hole.[/QUOTE] Thank you for your reply. I have bought some books recently. I just haven't really found the time to read it due to how chaotic things are at home at the moment. I haven't read properly in a while, and not really sure how to get myself started again if I'm honest. I guess I should try work it into routine somehow. Thank you for your suggestion :smile: I really appreciate it. Yeah I know, it's kinda difficult in these situations because often you go one extreme way or the opposite extreme way, there seems to be no inbetween! I am getting on with life, I just have a lot of conflicting feelings.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;50652490]I've been thinking lately that I need to pretty much sever contact with my best friend. We haven't even been hanging out for a year yet, really, but here's how our relationship has gone. We became amazing friends really quickly, we had amazing chemistry, our senses of humor matched really well, and she turned out to be a really caring and sensitive person to me. After 2-3 months we started having sex occasionally. And I think the big mistake here is that we both just kind of let it happen but never addressed it in any way for a long time, just kept it hidden and tried to pretend it didn't happen, because (guess what) we also work together. Well, a couple months ago, she got a boyfriend. And the sex stopped, of course. But one day she asked me why I didn't seem too keen on meeting the guy, and why I always seem to act weird when she suggests that the three of us hang out. So I told her the truth, I think it would make me feel really weird to spend time with this guy, knowing the history I have with his girlfriend. We ended up talking about this stuff for pretty much the entire day, and it came to light that she feels deeply ashamed and regretful of all the times we've had sex, she wishes it had never happened (ALL the times it happened) and (in her words) she was just using me. At first I felt really good just that we had gotten everything out in the air and talked about everything... But the last few weeks, I've just been feeling worse and worse about what she told me, about how it all meant nothing to her and that sex with me actually made her feel so awful about herself. It's really doing a number on my self esteem. I haven't talked to her at all for over two weeks now, the longest we've ever gone without any kind of contact. And I think I need to make it a point this week to formally tell her what I've been feeling and thinking. It sucks to do, because she really is my best friend (maybe the best I've ever had) but now so many of my good memories with her are kind of tainted, and I think I need to either stop talking to her or just spend a long time away from her for the sake of my own mental health. Does it sound like I'm doing the right thing? I'm still pretty uncertain about all this business.[/QUOTE] Well after sitting on this for a couple months, I finally went through with it last night. Finally put everything out on the table and was totally honest with all my feelings. It was a really nice time, all things considered. Kind of like a big eulogy for the friendship. It turns out we both had thoughts about dating the other at different points in the friendship, but it was a lot of "wrong place, wrong time" business. But now that she's in this serious relationship, we both agreed to keep our distance from each other for the foreseeable future. The only possible problem here is that I THOUGHT she was going to try and get a new job really soon, but instead she's going to try and turn her current job (which we both still have) into a full-time gig. So we have to kind of fake everything being ok when we're at work together, which I have a lot of difficulty doing. But we sat around in the parking lot for a long time after work discussing everything, reminiscing, laughing at all our old in-jokes. In the end we admitted to each other that she and I are the best friends that the other has ever had, and started to tear up. We hugged for a really long time and finally went home. I feel a little better today. So I really hope this was all for the best.

[QUOTE=GisG56;50946025]Thank you for your reply. I have bought some books recently. I just haven't really found the time to read it due to how chaotic things are at home at the moment. I haven't read properly in a while, and not really sure how to get myself started again if I'm honest. I guess I should try work it into routine somehow. Thank you for your suggestion :smile: I really appreciate it. Yeah I know, it's kinda difficult in these situations because often you go one extreme way or the opposite extreme way, there seems to be no inbetween! I am getting on with life, I just have a lot of conflicting feelings.[/QUOTE] I made a rule for myself a year and a half ago to read one book a month, even if it's just a short 100 page book I could knock out in a day. That said, reading is awesome and you should do it, but you should also give yourself a chance to process and think about the feelings you're having. When you try to ignore an emotion, it becomes stronger and harder to ignore. I might suggest writing in a journal occasionally about what you are feeling - just putting your feelings into words is sometimes enough to mute them.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50942825]If you're worried about losing her friendship because you expressed romantic interest, you gotta understand that someone who is very quick to drop all past history because of that is probably not someone who would be a long term friend in the first place.[/QUOTE] Thank you. This is something I always forget to keep in mind, and thus my self-worth plunges. Thanks, really.

I have two friends who I haven't really seen for like a year since I've been away from them while in the military. One of them was doing some bad shit without me around. My old friend group broke up as a lot of drama happened and I guess I was sorta glueing a lot of it together. My one friend, Stacy I'll say, fell in with a lot of bad people, or at least bad in my mind. All I heard from her is how many drugs she did and I saw who she was hanging out with now and it was just scummy drug dealers and drop-outs. My other friend, Mike, started dating another friend of ours and I thought things were going alright. Well holy shit, I went out with a bunch of friends and they were where we were hanging out, just happened that my group of friends, Stacy and her friends and Mike were there at the same time. I ended up spending all Friday night sorting through all the drama that had gathered while I was gone. Mike's mom is dying of cancer and he's been my inspiration to quit smoking since he's always been straight edge because of it, but I caught him smoking down a pack with Stacy and her pothead friends. I basically dispersed everyone and asked him what the hell he was doing, and it turned out that while I was gone, shit had gone bad with everyone. Mike and his girlfriend had been about to break up when he almost forced himself on her, and even though he stopped himself and broke up with her out of guilt, word got out and he was afraid everyone hated him now. He's a great guy, and his girlfriend is still friends with him, but I could tell it was killing him. Meanwhile Stacy was helping him smoke and God knows what else she was about to get him into. She left for a minute and I dispersed her group of shitheads so I could talk to him about it. I told him about how he was my inspiration to quit and I hated seeing him like that. Then, I grabbed Stacy when he left and talked to her about how worried I am about her and her friends and how I hate seeing her rub off on Mike like this. She agreed and said she didn't realize how obvious her alcoholismsmokingdrugaddictions were and said she was trying to stop, but hadn't realized that Mike had never smoked before. So Stacy agreed that a lot of her friends were garbage and she was killing herself, and I pulled Mike aside again and got to the root of his issue with his ex. He broke down crying as I talked to him because I don't think he could handle the guilt, and I honestly was afraid he was going to do something to himself that night. I'm pretty sure if I wasn't there there might have been no more Mike. He's now talking to me and we're going to sit down and talk more about it tomorrow. I found his ex and all of our other friends from our old group and talked to them about it, and helped everyone understand what it was doing to him even though what he did was awful, and how he understood what he did and how the guilt was killing him. Everyone agreed to try and move on and make him feel better, since Mike's always been a fantastic guy and we don't want to see him like this. I guess I've become the authority figure, but I feel like I did a lot of good tonight. I've never had a group of friends until I met all of these guys like a year or two ago, but I'm glad I spent the night solving these problems instead of 'having fun'. In a night, I helped tackle one friends increasing drug problems and another's depression, and I think I really helped pull everyone back together. I don't know, sorta wanted to talk about it. It's the first time I ever really connected to a lot of people on this level, I've never had friends close enough to get really personal with them like this. I'm just glad I was there, but I'm sorta of nervous it might not work. I'll have to see how it goes.

I had this relationship where you had that instant click and life felt majestic right, obviously it ended. Other relationships has felt no way near the same as the one I describe above, is it wrong to try and seek such a click again or just forget that and try and look for other things in someone?

[QUOTE=Royalpain;50956758]I had this relationship where you had that instant click and life felt majestic right, obviously it ended. Other relationships has felt no way near the same as the one I describe above, is it wrong to try and seek such a click again or just forget that and try and look for other things in someone?[/QUOTE] If you're finding yourself disappointed with everyone you date, you might want to take a break from dating for a while. When you're getting out of a good relationship it's common to look for a "replacement" with the same good qualities your ex had, but every relationship is going to be different. Your next relationship might not be good in the same ways that your last one was, but it will have its own benefits, and considering that the last one ended, maybe that will be a good thing.

So okay this is a weird one and sorta relates to my last post. I realized talking to her the other night for the first time in forever that I might have deeper feelings for Stacy than I thought. Maybe it's just because while I was away from home she was the only one who really consistently kept up the communication, wanted to hear me, talked about how much she missed me and etc. And now that I'm back, every time she sees me she just seems so happy, she screams and jumps on me every time, and it makes me feel great to know she cares. I don't know. She was always like, genderfluid I guess. When I first met her she was a lesbian, then she decided she was going to be a guy named Steve, and when I was gone (two years after she announced she was Steve) she went back to Stacy and now she's bi apparently. I never looked at her as a girl really out of respect, but when I heard she's interested in guys I sorta looked at her in that way for the first time and it's been fucking with my head. She was always still feminine but I guess I just kept it out of my head for once. We were going to meet up for our first one on one hangout in forever today but she got sick and she's going to her dad's place in Kentucky for the next two weeks or something. So I guess I'll have this long to think about it. I don't want to ruin what we have. She's like, my best friend and I don't think I've ever not enjoyed time spent with her. The only 'problem' I ever had with her is how worried I was hearing about the shit she was getting into, but she admitted it'd a problem and that she's been trying to get away from it. Ugh. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. This is all so confusing.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50946716]I made a rule for myself a year and a half ago to read one book a month, even if it's just a short 100 page book I could knock out in a day. That said, reading is awesome and you should do it, but you should also give yourself a chance to process and think about the feelings you're having. When you try to ignore an emotion, it becomes stronger and harder to ignore. I might suggest writing in a journal occasionally about what you are feeling - just putting your feelings into words is sometimes enough to mute them.[/QUOTE] I might give that a go. You're right, reading is awesome, I used to love it and made sure I had time for it. I guess it's just a case of getting it into my daily routine as a more permanently fixed thing :smile: Yeah I am well aware of that, I am not someone who ignores and suppresses emotions. I like to deal with them as and when they happen, and express myself freely. I have had feelings like these for a while, I've had time to process them. I think I am now at a stage where I just need to get on with things, and distract my mind from thoughts that make me upset. Yeah I agree with you - that's exactly what I have been doing. I know it's going to take me a long time to fully process and get over things, but that's okay, I knew that would have been the case anyway :smile: Thank you so much for your helpful and friendly feedback!

-snip-

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;50946202]Well after sitting on this for a couple months, I finally went through with it last night. Finally put everything out on the table and was totally honest with all my feelings. It was a really nice time, all things considered. Kind of like a big eulogy for the friendship. It turns out we both had thoughts about dating the other at different points in the friendship, but it was a lot of "wrong place, wrong time" business. But now that she's in this serious relationship, we both agreed to keep our distance from each other for the foreseeable future. The only possible problem here is that I THOUGHT she was going to try and get a new job really soon, but instead she's going to try and turn her current job (which we both still have) into a full-time gig. So we have to kind of fake everything being ok when we're at work together, which I have a lot of difficulty doing. But we sat around in the parking lot for a long time after work discussing everything, reminiscing, laughing at all our old in-jokes. In the end we admitted to each other that she and I are the best friends that the other has ever had, and started to tear up. We hugged for a really long time and finally went home. I feel a little better today. So I really hope this was all for the best.[/QUOTE] Ok, so... I thought this saga was good and over. Then today, I had to relieve her at work. She told me a little about what I could work on during my shift, then she suddenly goes "by the way, if it makes you feel any better, my relationship is falling apart now because I told him about us. If anybody asks you, it was only one time ok?" And she started tearing up and making me promise to say we only hooked up one time "just in case" anyone asks. I don't know what to think now. I sure as hell hope i'm not going to be interrogated by her boyfriend or something soon. I only met the guy once. And now i'm really weirdly torn between trying to remain on good (or at least decently civil) terms with her, or getting even further the hell away from her. This really doesn't help how torn I was on trying to end the friendship with her in the first place It seemed to be really getting her down, and I feel like I should talk to her just so we can have a functional work relationship, but part of me worries i'd just be kicking the hornet's nest and making it even worse than it was before by trying to talk to her at all

So me and my ex-girlfriend have been off-and-on hooking up since we broke up last March because it was a kind-of mutual breakup that we did for a lot of really complicated reasons. We both still love each other, it was hard at first but the reasons were sound and for a while I was OK with it because I knew it would hurt less in the long run if we did it this way. We had a couple of really deep and honest talks about "us" this weekend and apparently up until recently she thought that I genuinely didn't want to be with her and left her because I thought she was a "backup" and she's been grieving about it this whole time, secretly holding onto hope that it was only temporary and we'd get back together soon, which only made my continuing complex that I can only helplessly hurt the ones I love while I throw my life and happiness due to all the stupid bullshit I've made apart of my life. Not going to lie I've felt pretty fucking low these past few days. Although the bright side is after the talks we had she's officially moved on and we both agreed that we need to commit to being friends, not lovers, since the reasons we decided to stop dating were sound.We both need to grow up and experience life a little more before we commit to each other. I honestly do really fucking love her but I'm sick of hurting her and I'm sick of feeling guilty for indulging in our latent feelings. I just wish I could have been a better person, or maybe just a more experienced person so I could have appreciated her love as much as it deserves it. I know this is a dumbass vague and depressing post but writing how I feel down makes it feel more OK somehow. I know in a few days I'll be perfectly fine. I like being single, however much I love her our time together has passed and I know it was for a good reason. I know in a while I'll be blindsided with love by another girl and the cycle will begin anew. Be grateful for what you have, guys.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;50965270]So me and my ex-girlfriend have been off-and-on hooking up since we broke up last March because it was a kind-of mutual breakup that we did for a lot of really complicated reasons. We both still love each other, it was hard at first but the reasons were sound and for a while I was OK with it because I knew it would hurt less in the long run if we did it this way. We had a couple of really deep and honest talks about "us" this weekend and apparently up until recently she thought that I genuinely didn't want to be with her and left her because I thought she was a "backup" and she's been grieving about it this whole time, secretly holding onto hope that it was only temporary and we'd get back together soon, which only made my continuing complex that I can only helplessly hurt the ones I love while I throw my life and happiness due to all the stupid bullshit I've made apart of my life. Not going to lie I've felt pretty fucking low these past few days. Although the bright side is after the talks we had she's officially moved on and we both agreed that we need to commit to being friends, not lovers, since the reasons we decided to stop dating were sound.We both need to grow up and experience life a little more before we commit to each other. I honestly do really fucking love her but I'm sick of hurting her and I'm sick of feeling guilty for indulging in our latent feelings. I just wish I could have been a better person, or maybe just a more experienced person so I could have appreciated her love as much as it deserves it. I know this is a dumbass vague and depressing post but writing how I feel down makes it feel more OK somehow. I know in a few days I'll be perfectly fine. I like being single, however much I love her our time together has passed and I know it was for a good reason. I know in a while I'll be blindsided with love by another girl and the cycle will begin anew. Be grateful for what you have, guys.[/QUOTE] went through a really similar situation to you starting in may and we called it quits on talking around the start of august, late july time. I got really depressed about it too and hit one of my lowest points I've ever been at just want to say though not to be too hard on yourself dude. Breaking up with someone you still really care about and love is legit one of the hardest fucking things to do and noone gets out of it unscathed and there is no situation in which it will ever not hurt either of you and your feelings do genuinely matter just as much as hers. If you weren't happy then you had to go. dont hold yourself responsible for having the maturity to realise that just because you love someone doesn't mean its automatically going to work