Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51073812]I never intended to twist anything, I think perhaps I misinterpreted somethings. Coddled? I'm not familiar with that term, do you mean cuddled? You seem a bit frustrated with me so I apologise. What I want is for people to [B]stop [/B]telling me I don't want to be in a relationship because my reasons aren't good enough. I'm going to talk to people, I'm going ask people out and I'm going to look for that long term person. I'm not saying I want some trophy wife to materialise out of thin air. I just want to have an experience with someone. . I understand you can't make me confident I concede that point, but you can help me approach people by telling me what to say on approach and what seems creepy and what doesn't. [editline]20th September 2016[/editline] I have often had conversations with people, but once it's over, nothing usually comes of it due to the fact I don't know how to continue the conversation. I suppose I should just ask how to contact them and see how that goes. [editline]20th September 2016[/editline] Interesting, I have slightly negative bias when people look at me, I just assume I've shaved the wrong way or she wants me to avoid looking at her which I usually adhear to. So I probably miss those hints, I guess I'll have to be more vigilant. I don't go around looking depressed in public, nor do I bring it up in conversation. But, I do have borderline aspergers , so I'm always worried I'm doing something wrong or creepy.[/QUOTE] [img]http://i.imgur.com/9yqbyrr.png[/img] you're not bothering changing (you've basically been acting this way for god knows how long), you're just wanting sf to go "it's okay someone will fall into your lap" if you can't figure out how to talk to people without them running away, then frankly i don't think an internet forum is going to be able to be much help [editline]19th September 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=LordCrypto;51072668]relationships don't fix people if anything they shine lights on character flaws[/QUOTE] also i live with a relationship that shines massive lights on character flaws so feel free to ignore my advice but i'd advise against it

[QUOTE=LordCrypto;51074143][img]http://i.imgur.com/9yqbyrr.png[/img] you're not bothering changing (you've basically been acting this way for god knows how long), you're just wanting sf to go "it's okay someone will fall into your lap" if you can't figure out how to talk to people without them running away, then frankly i don't think an internet forum is going to be able to be much help [editline]19th September 2016[/editline] also i live with a relationship that shines massive lights on character flaws so feel free to ignore my advice but i'd advise against it[/QUOTE]Frankly Crypto, I don't think you're very good listening to what I'm saying. I never said I expected anything to change with no effort, I never said I run away from people. You're making sweeping generalisations based some negative things in some of my posts and not really noticing progress. For example, you seem to have missed the part where I when from discarding the value of a conversation to just needing a little help starting a one, also you only seem to respond to and make negative comments based on what other people have said . I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it bugs me when I think I'm being reasonable only to have a negative response. Everyone has character flaws, I know what most of mine are and if meet someone who can't handle them, then it wasn't meant to be. I'd just hope that I meet someone with similar flaws to me. But I haven't even gotten close to a point where they would be revealed, so that sort of advice is only going to be effective at a later point, after I've been dating or something. For now I'll just try to making conversation with strangers. I'm going to put some of this stuff into practice and see what the results are, perhaps it'll be awkward or perhaps it won't. It'll be better than sitting around moping.

Ask people for social media, rather than their phone number, if you're not sure whether they're feeling it or not. I usually ask for Twitter since it's not super personal. Facebook is also okay to ask for but that one you might struggle with since it's got a lot of information on it, generally.

Nice, you did it. I keep a Twitter but I don't use it too often. Just feels nice to have. Big part of my resume is social media knowledge and it's gotten me a few side gigs in the past so it just feels worth it to have lol.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51074305]Ask people for social media, rather than their phone number, if you're not sure whether they're feeling it or not. I usually ask for Twitter since it's not super personal. Facebook is also okay to ask for but that one you might struggle with since it's got a lot of information on it, generally.[/QUOTE] my social media interactions with this girl i've been hanging with a bunch went something like: google hangouts from her school email to my personal, then snapchat, then phone number, then instagram, then fb (oh and the terrible thing that is linkedin somewhere in there too) honestly, snapchat is currently the zeitgeist's easy/not super personal platform

I kinda dislike how this thread turned into a RoboChimp vs the rest thread for the last 2-3 pages

Oh man the next chick I chat up im gonna ask for her linkedin, itll be the best

[QUOTE=darth-veger;51074663]I kinda dislike how this thread turned into a RoboChimp vs the rest thread for the last 2-3 pages[/QUOTE] I'm gone for less than a week jeez. [editline]19th September 2016[/editline] Anyway, I have a library date with a girl this Saturday. She seems perfect in pretty much every way... but it's her first date. She said she was always way more interested in studying or whatever. No biggie. But she wants to bring her cousin. She said going to the library with her is their thing and it'd be easier if she came. She promised her cousin is chill, but it's a first date, and I've never gone on a date with a third. Any advice?

[QUOTE=darth-veger;51074663]I kinda dislike how this thread turned into a RoboChimp vs the rest thread for the last 2-3 pages[/QUOTE]I apologise sincerely for that. With any luck that'll be the end of my time here, for good hopefully.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51075946]I apologise sincerely for that. With any luck that'll be the end of my time here, for good hopefully.[/QUOTE] You are welcome here if you ever need help again, we just ask for you to be more open to advice. Everyone here has had different experiences and thus have different values and opinions, but we all want to help

I got turned down for the first time ever today. She's a really close friend, and I think we're going to stay that way, but it kind of sucks. It might take me awhile to get over her. I hope I find someone as cool as she is. I'm worried I won't; she was pretty great.

[QUOTE=Confused111;51077491]I got turned down for the first time ever today. She's a really close friend, and I think we're going to stay that way, but it kind of sucks. It might take me awhile to get over her. I hope I find someone as cool as she is. I'm worried I won't; she was pretty great.[/QUOTE] Well its very good on your part that you actually accept it. Tons of people apparently see "No" as "If you keep bugging me long enough i might say yes" which makes things really weird for both parties.

how do I ask someone to be my girlfriend if we are already good friends? like we go have food just the 2 of us and stuff all the time, so asking for a date wont really work. I dont think very bluntly asking would work, but I think need to be direct as well. any ideas?

[QUOTE=da space core;51079004]how do I ask someone to be my girlfriend if we are already good friends? like we go have food just the 2 of us and stuff all the time, so asking for a date wont really work. I dont think very bluntly asking would work, but I think need to be direct as well. any ideas?[/QUOTE] Ask her out to a movie and then try to make a move? Back before I started dating my first girlfriend, we would hang out all the time in school and outside of school, then we went to watch a movie one day and it happened, if that makes sense.

So today my gf came over and we did nothing at all, she came in and we had nothing to watch or say to eachother so we just sat with a lot of silence. It was awkward but she agreed that you can't always do something, so after a hour or so she left and hasn't responded to me yet. I invited to see a movie but she said she is not in the mood for any of it. Dark times ahead? :s: Edit: The odd thing is that like a few weeks ago i was thinking of breaking up with her because many things just don't really fit between us but now that i had the feeling that she was ignoring me i suddenly don't want her to leave at all..

[QUOTE=HumbleTH;51080678]Ask her out to a movie and then try to make a move? Back before I started dating my first girlfriend, we would hang out all the time in school and outside of school, then we went to watch a movie one day and it happened, if that makes sense.[/QUOTE] There is no where to go watch movies though. As far as activities go, im pretty stranded on a college campus

I think everyone has days like that where they just don't feel up for talking or doing anything - it doesn't necessarily have to do with you. There's also nothing objectively wrong with just hanging out quietly, though I can see why it would be concerning if it's not normal in your relationship. [editline]20th September 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=da space core;51079004]how do I ask someone to be my girlfriend if we are already good friends? like we go have food just the 2 of us and stuff all the time, so asking for a date wont really work. I dont think very bluntly asking would work, but I think need to be direct as well. any ideas?[/QUOTE] If you don't have other options, you could still get dinner together and just specify that you're asking as a date. If you already regularly go out together as friends, you're going to want to be clear about the "date" part regardless of what you suggest.

[QUOTE=metallics;51074680]Oh man the next chick I chat up im gonna ask for her linkedin, itll be the best[/QUOTE] Elaborate please I need the laugh

[QUOTE=hakimhakim;51084037]Elaborate please I need the laugh[/QUOTE] Their first date: "Why do you want this position as my girlfriend?" "What would you say are your greatest strengths and weaknesses as a partner?" etc

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51085251]Their first date: "Why do you want this position as my girlfriend?" "What would you say are your greatest strengths and weaknesses as a partner?" etc[/QUOTE] Second date, he turns up and there are 15 other men there. He asks what's going on and she replies "I would like you to engage in team building exercises with the other candidates to see how you work with other people."

So, I didn't touch on my previous post. Previously, I had been chatting with this chick, thought she was interested with me. Traveled to meet her, and apparently not( I didn't care, I was still okay with being friends) And then we decided to continue traveling, she told me we could work and travel together, which I was interested in, but I she'll do her best to lose weight to be a model, and I will help her to look for contacts (honestly the dumbest thing I thought of) And then when we were in Cambodia, we met a few travelers and went together, and then midway through, she was just making out with another friend we had met, trying to get me jealous (which I was, at that time) Instead of just going on exercising, she decides that for her to lose weight in the shortest time, she had to go on a crazy coffee diet where, in Vietnam, she only had coffee for the entire day, straight, no sugar or milk. Plus, she was vegan as well(and maybe eat something like a snack once every 2 days) And because I didn't want to be an asshole to a travel buddy, I decided to do it with her (fuck me I lost 10 or 15 kg) And because she ate nothing, everything pissed her off extremely easily. I didn't woke her up to explore the city, she got pissed. I woke her up, she got pissed. And everything we did was on a extremely tight budget, because she was in debt of the government, and got her iphone and ipod stolen (I have no idea why she is traveling when she is in debt of $3k) and missed most of the sights. And when we reached Hanoi, shit were worse. We were crashing on a couchsurfing host's place, and while I was sleeping, she felt her hands and legs losing sense of touch, which she checked online, that if she hadn't eaten any food, she will eventually die. So finally she decided to cook rice to eat and tell me in the morning. I got pissed because she could had died while I was sleeping, and then, that was when I started to doubt our plans. The host mentioned that we could stay longer, but as it was late, I didn't messaged him. The next day, he told us we had to leave as he had other travelers coming, and didn't had any space for us. I was okay, but she was angry as fuck, blaming me for not telling him in advanced. The host was nice enough to drive us to the next host's place (which, he was nice as fuck) but she was still pissed. It was at this point where I asked a girl we had traveled previously what to do, and her attitude just makes it hard for us to travel. Because she said she had no money, she decided that she will walk, over 20 kilometers (would had taken like 5 hours with a 20kg backpack) from the city to the airport with her backpack (we were gonna go Korea together) I was worried and upset, if she missed her flight because she wanted to save less than $1 for the bus, but I managed to convince her after a few times that I will pay for the cab. We reached the airport, but I fucked up the timing, and our flight had already left. I offered to cover the earlier flight, because it was my mistake. So we waited and flew to Korea. We landed and stayed with a korean family, and at this point, I was just tired of going on with her. She had some pretty crazy plans (She wants to be famous so that she can make a difference in the world, and only way according to her was to follow fake instagram accounts, getting followers back, and unfollowing them) and I was just kinda thinking, what if she had all this plan for herself. (in which case, I'll look like a fucking fool) At this point, I told her about my plans to leave for Taiwan to visit my sick grandma, and she proceeds to tell me how I am throwing everything we had planned together, and if I want to remain friends, I had to call my mum instantly and tell her I'm staying (which was a dumb decision) And then when things got better, we head back to the host place and she said she needs my phone to look on apps to find fake followers. I reluctantly agreed, and then she found my messages to the other friend which I was asking for advice. At which point, she was screaming in the host's home. (it was midnight, mind you, and we were guests) I told her that we could at least take the argument outside, which she refused, and pissed the host off. I tried to salvage whatever I could, but it was a lost cause. She told me that we can't travel together, and that I told lies (which really, I made some comment thinking some fruits were foreign, but they were local, and she consider it a lie) And on the same night, she found out that her credit card got hacked and she has to live off $3 everyday for the next 3+ months before she flies home (my belief is that she forgot to shut off her apple pay when her iphone got stolen) and well, she wouldn't want my help. Then I just traveled on my own and had a fucking good time. Really, I was a stubborn fool for thinking that things will work. But she was stubborn enough to think that I traveled with her without any feelings (okay, its possible, but its fucking rare it happens) Now, after this, and the crazy buddhist cult chick, I just feel like one unlucky fucker. I am sorta caught in the 'want a relationship' mode after seeing all this craziness and the 'too lazy and tired to look for a relationship' mode. I don't really have much money to go out for parties to socialize and look for people, and my workplace isn't really one where I can really socialize with anyone and I really need to work to earn back what I had spent. Phew, that's another story for you guys.

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;51085474]while I was sleeping, she felt her hands and legs losing sense of touch, which she checked online, that if she hadn't eaten any food, she will eventually die.[/QUOTE] I have no words

She sounds like an absolute nightmare.

Update on my situation? The girl and I from my last post are in a relationship now. It's two days in and she's been really busy today. We had plans to hang out, but after her class ended at 2:15 she went and hung out with her friends instead. Then, I had a couple ensemble classes (music major) and we had agreed to hang out after she got out of her rehearsal at 9:30 because earlier she bailed out on me. When her rehearsal ended I texted her and asked if she was done, she didn't reply. So I texted again at 9:45 and still got no answer. At about 10 she told me she was back, and I asked if she wanted me to come over. She said "not at this moment." I asked why, she's talking about personal stuff with her roommates. I told her okay, and let hurt know I was hurt that she had flopped on our plans twice. I told her that we would finish our discussion i guess when she had more time. It kind of pisses me off that she did this. Am I overreacting, or is this an actual problem, guys?

[QUOTE=Perman00bJr;51086951]Update on my situation? The girl and I from my last post are in a relationship now. It's two days in and she's been really busy today. We had plans to hang out, but after her class ended at 2:15 she went and hung out with her friends instead. Then, I had a couple ensemble classes (music major) and we had agreed to hang out after she got out of her rehearsal at 9:30 because earlier she bailed out on me. When her rehearsal ended I texted her and asked if she was done, she didn't reply. So I texted again at 9:45 and still got no answer. At about 10 she told me she was back, and I asked if she wanted me to come over. She said "not at this moment." I asked why, she's talking about personal stuff with her roommates. I told her okay, and let hurt know I was hurt that she had flopped on our plans twice. I told her that we would finish our discussion i guess when she had more time. It kind of pisses me off that she did this. Am I overreacting, or is this an actual problem, guys?[/QUOTE] I'd give it time, if it consistently happens then you have a problem. Some people just get busy.

I think I'm going to stop actively looking for a girlfriend. Since that last post I made here a few months ago I've met 5 girls I wanted to try and date (not just because of only being physically attracted to them) just to find out in passing that they were already with someone. I think I'm just going to only make friends with people from now on and really only pursue a relationship if I know a friend and I have mutual feelings of attraction. That an alright mindset to have?

[QUOTE=Destroyox;51087102]I think I'm going to stop actively looking for a girlfriend. Since that last post I made here a few months ago I've met 5 girls I wanted to try and date (not just because of only being physically attracted to them) just to find out in passing that they were already with someone. I think I'm just going to only make friends with people from now on and really only pursue a relationship if I know a friend and I have mutual feelings of attraction. That an alright mindset to have?[/QUOTE] Well the thread just spent about 20 pages trying to hammer that message into somebody, so yes. Looking for friends first and foremost is a pretty good state to be in.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51087200]Yeah, it's perfectly fine if that's how you wanna roll, but you may miss a lot of opportunities.[/QUOTE] Well I mean if I meet someone as a friend, hang out and talk with them then later find out we're both single and could possibly make a good relationship then I'm not missing out on anything now am I? I'm not really into the whole idea of casual dating, just isn't the thing for me. [editline]21st September 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Loofiloo;51087212]Well the thread just spent about 20 pages trying to hammer that message into somebody, so yes. Looking for friends first and foremost is a pretty good state to be in.[/QUOTE] I didn't read any of that, [I]woops[/I]

[QUOTE=Destroyox;51087102]I think I'm going to stop actively looking for a girlfriend. Since that last post I made here a few months ago I've met 5 girls I wanted to try and date (not just because of only being physically attracted to them) just to find out in passing that they were already with someone. I think I'm just going to only make friends with people from now on and really only pursue a relationship if I know a friend and I have mutual feelings of attraction. That an alright mindset to have?[/QUOTE] Ya know what they say right? Happiness is like a butterfly. They more you chase it, the more it will elude you, But if you turn your attentions to other things it will come and sit quietly upon your shoulder. Tbh probably one of the best advices you can give. I find myself being way less anxious than I was before after I adopted this philosophy.

[QUOTE=Perman00bJr;51086951]Update on my situation? The girl and I from my last post are in a relationship now. It's two days in and she's been really busy today. We had plans to hang out, but after her class ended at 2:15 she went and hung out with her friends instead. Then, I had a couple ensemble classes (music major) and we had agreed to hang out after she got out of her rehearsal at 9:30 because earlier she bailed out on me. When her rehearsal ended I texted her and asked if she was done, she didn't reply. So I texted again at 9:45 and still got no answer. At about 10 she told me she was back, and I asked if she wanted me to come over. She said "not at this moment." I asked why, she's talking about personal stuff with her roommates. I told her okay, and let hurt know I was hurt that she had flopped on our plans twice. I told her that we would finish our discussion i guess when she had more time. It kind of pisses me off that she did this. Am I overreacting, or is this an actual problem, guys?[/QUOTE] Her life does not revolve around you, especially after being involved with each other for only two days. She has other friends who are important to her and who she probably has a closer relationship with at this point in time than she does with you. You are not her top priority (which is how it should be, especially after two days) but it sounds like you have placed her as your top priority by spending an entire day waiting for her and are upset that she hasn't done the same for you. She might be unnerved by the fact that you spent the entire day waiting to meet up with her rather than getting on with your life for the day. There is something called a demand-withdrawal cycle in communication psych. When one person is perceived to be withdrawing from a relationship, sometimes the other person will try to strengthen that relationship by placing more demands on them (asking them to spend more time with them, setting rules for their relationship, requiring them to tell them where they are frequently etc). The more they do this, the more the other person withdraws from the relationship, and the more demands they set. You are not going to make things better between you by getting upset every time that your girlfriend finds herself dealing with other obligations. Instead, you might want to focus on being someone who is easy to communicate with - if you had simply asked her to meet up on a different day, she may have offered an alternative.