Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=srobins;51085550]She sounds like an absolute nightmare.[/QUOTE] Ya, its either I make very bad judgements, or just unlucky as fuck Not gonna travel for any chicks, that's for sure. [editline]22nd September 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Destroyox;51087102]I think I'm going to stop actively looking for a girlfriend. Since that last post I made here a few months ago I've met 5 girls I wanted to try and date (not just because of only being physically attracted to them) just to find out in passing that they were already with someone. I think I'm just going to only make friends with people from now on and really only pursue a relationship if I know a friend and I have mutual feelings of attraction. That an alright mindset to have?[/QUOTE] After the shit that happened above, I have the same mindset. Imma just work and if I get the opportunity to ask any chicks out I'll do it, if not, doesn't matter. But if I were you, I'll do the same. I don't wanna be that asshole, plus, it makes me feel terrible

This gotta be some kind of bad joke I had a dream about a female friend that caused me to have a crush on her when I woke up, like I can feel it, and it turns out she just started college so she's probably gonna be surrounded constantly, already snapchat story'd some "cuties" I'm like shiiiiiiit I legit wasn't even thinking about her this way till waking up this morning... Now I gotta fight these feelings fuck you subconcious

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51089627]This gotta be some kind of bad joke I had a dream about a female friend that caused me to have a crush on her when I woke up, like I can feel it, and it turns out she just started college so she's probably gonna be surrounded constantly, already snapchat story'd some "cuties" I'm like shiiiiiiit I legit wasn't even thinking about her this way till waking up this morning... Now I gotta fight these feelings fuck you subconcious[/QUOTE] I've had a similar ordeal happen to me recently. It really is a strange situation when you feel like you experienced something that never happened. I have a question regarding asking someone out though. I have this thing where I'll tell myself I'm going to ask a girl I like to do something throughout the whole week. Then, for whatever reason, I convince myself it isn't the right time to ask the moment I see her face to face... every time. Whether it be due to school, work, etc. I always convince myself not to do it. I'm just worried I wouldn't have enough time to spend getting to know that person and don't do it at all. Has anyone been stuck in a rut like this before?

the nj dmv reset my license while i was away with the marines and now i have to wait 6 months to take a drivers test again which means i cant go to a college and i cant get a job which means im basically locked at home while everyone im friends with is now in college its been like this for a month now and im going insane. i feel useless, everyone i know is gone, i havent seen anyone but my parents for weeks. they both act dissapointed because im useless right now but its not my fault. i can feel my mental state deteriorating and its pissing me off. my girlfriend broke up with me but i cant get into the dating scene because im so isolated. living in the suburbs means there is literally no way to go anywhere without a car so im just trapped. im not sure i can do this for five more months.

So update and story time about my friend I'm travelling with. I've kinda loosened him up after a bit of drama and talk. When we hit Munich we sat around on a bridge and he had 3 beers, after which he made great conversation for once about things other than video games. I got him to open up a little and explain to me why he sees things the way he does, etc etc. Although the next day he went back to being his usual self Then on the way to Budapest, we had to take 4 different trains that lasted a total of 10 hours of travel. Our 2nd train had been slow as fuck and arrived late, and we discovered that we had a grand total of 3 minutes to hop off and run to our next train (which we just barely reached). I was stressed, tired, and grumpy and as a result my pessimism was amplified and popped out a bit more vocally. My friend didn't enjoy this and after the 5th time I had said we were going to miss our next train, he turned to me with this look in his eye and told me to, "Fuck off with the pessimism." I was half shocked and half infuriated. Shocked because this was my timid friend who I would never in my life have imagined hearing those words from, and infuriated because I don't take being talked down to all that well. So in front of a full cart of people I told him that if he couldn't handle my grumblings about being late for our next train, then he could fuck off and do the rest of the damn trip himself, especially because I had been dealing with his autistic bullshit and consistent buzzkilling for weeks now and I hadn't given him a lick of shit for it. After this we're both silent. We run to our next train, barely make it, and then hop into a compartment and sit in silence for an hour. After a stop, the fellow in our compartment got off leaving us alone. The second that door shut my friend kind of just let it all out, apologizing for his outburst and all that and how he considers me a great friend that he doesn't want to lose. We had healthy discussion about things that were bothering him, about his fears, typical life shit. I apologized for what I said and told him it's just how I am. I'm not perfect, nor is he or anyone else. I shared a bit of my philosophies with him (a lot of which came from you guys actually) and we worked things out. We were okay and the mood lightened. Then when we hit Venice we met these 3 awesome Aussie memelords and 2 cool American girls. We had bought beers from the nearby grocery store and all grouped together in our Hostel's lounge getting drunk, shooting the shit and laughing at dumb Harambe jokes like fools. My friend was kind of on the side so I kept pulling him into the conversation and I think he had a good time with it. The Aussies and one of the girls met up with us again in Rome and we had another fun time at a bar. The Aussies dipped Rome the next day and bid us farewell while the girl chilled with us the rest of our days in Rome and stayed at our Hostel with us. She's a super cool person and very conversational so she was a big help on the social front. I actually found I was kind of into her, but that's another story. Anywho my friend has loosened up a bit now, and these cool people we met have been a big help in that aspect. He's still awkward and talks about games here and there and all that, but that's just who he is I guess. He knows how to party when he wants to though. Wew, feels nice to have written that all out. Guess this Eurotrip has been quite the ride.

Well, today's the day that I have to announce that me and my girl friend who I've been talking and only met up with once are over with. It's really devastating to experience but I woke up to see she blocked me on everything all of a sudden. I don't know why or what happened but I have no choice but to move on and find someone else... I take forever to move on but I don't know if it'll take as long as it normally takes for me to move on, even though I talked to this girl for the longest out of any other girl I've ever talked to. But the thing is, I need some guidance, I am currently in the second year of my ICT course and unfortunately for me there's like only six or so girls in my year and none of them I'm interested in. There are a load of girls who take all sorts of other courses at my college, a few which I am interested in but I barely know at all. I'm personally a really shy person and I find it 'really' hard to communicate to anyone, let alone a girl for the first time. Another thing is that I have don't know where I would be most likely to find any girls let alone anyone out of my course to talk to as I always went off-site with friends last year during my spare time so I didn't really get much of the experience on-site. TL;DR girl I liked blocked me on everything and I need to move on, I want to talk to new girls and find someone who I'm truly interested in who I feel is the same back to me, I'm a shy fucker and find it really hard to communicate and I don't know where I would be easily able to find and talk to any girls, let alone new people outside of my course.

[QUOTE=TheCrazyGoD;51091378]Well, today's the day that I have to announce that me and my girl friend who I've been talking and only met up with once are over with. It's really devastating to experience but I woke up to see she blocked me on everything all of a sudden. I don't know why or what happened but I have no choice but to move on and find someone else... I take forever to move on but I don't know if it'll take as long as it normally takes for me to move on, even though I talked to this girl for the longest out of any other girl I've ever talked to. But the thing is, I need some guidance, I am currently in the second year of my ICT course and unfortunately for me there's like only six or so girls in my year and none of them I'm interested in. There are a load of girls who take all sorts of other courses at my college, a few which I am interested in but I barely know at all. I'm personally a really shy person and I find it 'really' hard to communicate to anyone, let alone a girl for the first time. Another thing is that I have don't know where I would be most likely to find any girls let alone anyone out of my course to talk to as I always went off-site with friends last year during my spare time so I didn't really get much of the experience on-site. TL;DR girl I liked blocked me on everything and I need to move on, I want to talk to new girls and find someone who I'm truly interested in who I feel is the same back to me, I'm a shy fucker and find it really hard to communicate and I don't know where I would be easily able to find and talk to any girls, let alone new people outside of my course.[/QUOTE] I had the same exact thing happen to me about 2 years ago and I can still remember how much it hurt. I was sad, angry, frustrated, ended up grappling with trust issues for a while. I decided the best thing for me to do was to avoid dating, and instead focus on school, my friends, and bettering myself. It honestly wasn't even until this last winter that I met a girl I was interested in having a relationship with. I know its frustrating and it might be tempting to immediately seek a new relationship as a way to move on, but perhaps you would be better off not trying to worry about that right now. Make friends like you would normally do, get to know people, go outside of your shell slowly.

[QUOTE=TheCrazyGoD;51091378]Well, today's the day that I have to announce that [B]me and my girl friend who I've been talking and only met up with once are over with.[/B] It's really devastating to experience but I woke up to see she blocked me on everything all of a sudden. I don't know why or what happened but I have no choice but to move on and find someone else... I take forever to move on but I don't know if it'll take as long as it normally takes for me to move on, even though I talked to this girl for the longest out of any other girl I've ever talked to. But the thing is, I need some guidance, I am currently in the second year of my ICT course and unfortunately for me there's like only six or so girls in my year and none of them I'm interested in. There are a load of girls who take all sorts of other courses at my college, a few which I am interested in but I barely know at all. I'm personally a really shy person and I find it 'really' hard to communicate to anyone, let alone a girl for the first time. Another thing is that I have don't know where I would be most likely to find any girls let alone anyone out of my course to talk to as I always went off-site with friends last year during my spare time so I didn't really get much of the experience on-site. TL;DR [B]girl I liked blocked me [/B]on everything and I need to move on, I want to talk to new girls and find someone who I'm truly interested in who I feel is the same back to me, I'm a shy fucker and find it really hard to communicate and I don't know where I would be easily able to find and talk to any girls, let alone new people outside of my course.[/QUOTE] Sorry to ask, but this makes it seem kind of ambiguous, was she your girlfriend like you two had been dating for a while or did you just have a crush on her?

I fucking hate people that just block and disappear with literally no explanation lol how does anyone improve or mend if they don't know what they are doing wrong

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51094043]I fucking hate people that just block and disappear with literally no explanation lol how does anyone improve or mend if they don't know what they are doing wrong[/QUOTE] It sucks, but they're not really obligated to help you improve. Usually people will take criticism in that area the wrong way anyway.

I'm not speaking from entitlement it's just really cold and doesn't help anyone [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] the kind of person who would lose their shit over being told what they did to upset someone would probably lose their shit over being blocked across the board with no words as much if not more [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] that person can just make an alt and circumvent it anyway, I'd prefer making an attempt to amend before resorting to pushing out.

A lot of the time, the reasons someone would ghost another person they were interested in have to do with who they are as a person and not just some superficial characteristic that is easily changed. There is no right way to be a person and most people probably recognize that just because they don't like a certain characteristic that doesn't make it objectively bad.

I'm not even talking about romantic interests, just anyone at all I can understand if you creeped someone out on a date and they blocked you that makes SOME sense but old friends? Current girlfriends? Edit: I tried to talk to an old friend Emily last year and after an exchange of hi's and how you beens BLOCKED no idea what happened there, totally out of nowhere about a month ago some chick that moved in with me went out to hang with her mom then ghosted me, she's a house hopping mooch though so its not so confusing and was no big loss (actually consider it a gain, got more opportunity out of her going than not, saved me from kicking her out myself) but it was still pretty anticlimactic, dishonest and cowardly A little while after that my best friend of 7 years randomly blocked me, we haven't even had a conversation in a bit, seemed weird. I'm not even sure when he did it, I was getting ready to send him a star wars trailer and noticed he was gone from my list. Decided to check his profile because yknow its been awhile, tried to add him again it says I'm blocked. I don't know what it is. I'm starting to wonder if some ex is spreading some nefarious rumor or something like I've heard about people experiencing. I just wish even one person doing this shit would at least explain it. My friend of 7 years had been stabbing me in the back for a bit before this and he's done it before but I didn't expect it at all right now. I hope it's not a stressful boyfriend like last time. I'm starting to want to give up on putting up with his shenanigans. I also got this other old friend that doesn't even wanna come on steam or anything, he's trying to recluse, it's fine I get it but I accidentally replied to one of his comments on a marvel thread on reddit before noticing the username was his old alias and he's made an alt again. Makes me wonder if it's actually me he's avoiding? He told me it wasn't when I talked to him last year. Hopefully just trying to remain unknown. He has a mysterious past issue, might be related. The one time I asked about it he told me to never ask again. I'm not perfect but I try really hard to be there and give my all for friends and constantly put myself on the line for some of these people, I don't think I deserved this. I've started to wonder lately if I'm just gullible and keep getting used. Meeting up with another old friend and realizing they were laughing at me and not with me all that time back and that they may have been more bully than friend made me start to wonder that. That case specifically sucked because I had actually looked up to them and the apparently warped memory of them for years. Such memories inspired a lot of positive changes and attempts to be a better person. I feel pretty lonely now. I don't like talking about it because I feel like I can't confide with anyone. I really don't like talking about it here tbh, but I don't have much options for vents. I don't wanna alienate anyone remaining by talking about problems and such.

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51094101]I'm not even talking about romantic interests, just anyone at all I can understand if you creeped someone out on a date and they blocked you that makes SOME sense but old friends? Current girlfriends? Edit: I tried to talk to an old friend Emily last year and after an exchange of hi's and how you beens BLOCKED no idea what happened there, totally out of nowhere [B]about a month ago some chick that moved in with me went out to hang with her mom then ghosted me, she's a house hopping mooch though so its not so confusing and was no big loss (actually consider it a gain, got more opportunity out of her going than not, saved me from kicking her out myself) but it was still pretty anticlimactic, dishonest and cowardly [/B] A little while after that [B]my best friend of 7 years randomly blocked me[/B], we haven't even had a conversation in a bit, seemed weird. I'm not even sure when he did it, I was getting ready to send him a star wars trailer and noticed he was gone from my list. Decided to check his profile because yknow its been awhile, tried to add him again it says I'm blocked. I don't know what it is. I'm starting to wonder if some ex is spreading some nefarious rumor or something like I've heard about people experiencing. I just wish even one person doing this shit would at least explain it. [B]My friend of 7 years had been stabbing me in the back for a bit [/B]before this and he's done it before but I didn't expect it at all right now. I hope it's not a stressful boyfriend like last time. I'm starting to want to give up on putting up with his shenanigans. I also got this other old friend that doesn't even wanna come on steam or anything, he's trying to recluse, it's fine I get it but I accidentally replied to one of his comments on a marvel thread on reddit before noticing the username was his old alias and he's made an alt again. Makes me wonder if it's actually me he's avoiding? He told me it wasn't when I talked to him last year. Hopefully just trying to remain unknown. He has a mysterious past issue, might be related. The one time I asked about it he told me to never ask again. I'm not perfect but I try really hard to be there and give my all for friends and constantly put myself on the line for some of these people, I don't think I deserved this. I've started to wonder lately if I'm just gullible and keep getting used. Meeting up with another old friend and realizing they were laughing at me and not with me all that time back and that they may have been more bully than friend made me start to wonder that. That case specifically sucked because I had actually looked up to them and the apparently warped memory of them for years. Such memories inspired a lot of positive changes and attempts to be a better person. I feel pretty lonely now. I don't like talking about it because I feel like I can't confide with anyone. I really don't like talking about it here tbh, but I don't have much options for vents. I don't wanna alienate anyone remaining by talking about problems and such.[/QUOTE] No offense but are you sure it's not your personality? If that's the way you saw the people who blocked you I can't really blame them.

No I get how you could see that. Not sure why you bolded best friend of 7 years, though. What's wrong with having long term pals? Last time he did this he told me it was because I bothered him sending a link while he was having drama with a boyfriend. I didn't talk to the girl like that though. I actually defended her to people that would suggest such despite having seen evidence in favor of those people. Really that situation is pretty different from all the others and I could care less. I chop it up to "I'm a dumbass and forgave a little too much". I only mentioned it because I was disappointed that my honesty wasn't reciprocated (when family tried to have me go along with a plan to trick her into going to her home state and leaving her in a gas station I spilled the beans to her before it happened because it totally isn't right, and what happened was basically the inverse)

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51094228]No I get how you could see that. Not sure why you bolded best friend of 7 years, though. What's wrong with having long term pals? Last time he did this he told me it was because I bothered him sending a link while he was having drama with a boyfriend. I didn't talk to the girl like that though. I actually defended her to people that would suggest such despite having seen evidence in favor of those people.[/QUOTE] Well it makes it seem like you resent them both, and even if you think you're good at hiding that. People are usually smart enough to tell anyways.

I dunno what's resentful of saying that guy was my bestie for years but I think my family probably gave the girl more of the resentful spooks than myself. They'd talk about it a lot. I normally just forgive people. I'm only resenting now that it's over and I've been proven wrong to think otherwise about her. I was warned, didn't listen and was proven wrong. I should probably start trying to be a bit less passive and bit more assertive. It's not really worth talking about because like I said it's nothing to make a big deal of, not worth fretting and I have options. I forgot to mention the big ass hole in my wall she left. We don't know how or why but the position of it suggests she got mad at "Crafting Dead" (day in day out playing, could always hear her yelling at kids on skype from my room, it was also a constant complaint from family throughout the house)and kicked it in. She had also told me stories about how often she changes houses living with different people and I probably should've gotten the idea that leeching homes is her thing, and not argued when I was being told I'm being played. I try to see good in people for as long as possible. Another thing that probably ticked her off was I don't really like sex so much so despite her consistent unsolicited/unwarranted groping and asking I wasn't up for it. I love my bestie but this game of not being able to trust him is getting old. I didn't resent him. I always silently wondered if we're on good terms in his mind, but with how things were going when I realized (this other shit had just happened), I guess I just kind of figured it's time to stop putting up with bullshit, so I'm pretty much letting it go besides venting about it. I'll deal with how I'm gonna handle this if he comes back, I'm not gonna ask people again I don't think. I mean, he's not an internet friend but I don't think I've seen him in person in a few years despite talking a lot on steam. My theory is some more bf related drama. The bf he has didn't really seem to want me around anyway, I could see that. Like I said wouldn't be the first time. One person I talked to about it theorized the friend himself might've had a crush on me and thought he could never turn our friendship into a relationship so chose to drop contact, but I think that's a serious stretch. Edit: If it IS my personality, I sure wish I could get a cheat sheet so I could grasp it. I supposedly have aspergers so it potentially could be really hard to figure out on my own. Jokes gone too far? Jokes that I didn't think of the secondary implications of? I acknowledge I sometimes don't think of how someone could misconstrue what I say or think there's some kind of hidden/double meaning or sinister intent behind it. It would be SO helpful if one of these people that know me would criticize me or explain so I could get the picture and apologize.

Lurking this thread for a few days now slowly imprints the thought of just chill the fuck out mindset. I don't have questions, just wanted to say Thank You :smile:

Maybe I should chill? I feel like a lot of times I post here about something I'm stressing about I come back weeks later saying "turns out it was something totally stupid and things are great now" ie that time I was worried about someone possibly ignoring me and it turning out we were having service to service troubles again, and they thought *I* was ignoring them too and things were totally fine with us. Hopefully the other things I'm stressing about resolve themselves over time too. I've been thinking of getting a therapist or something.

Every time I look at this thread, I notice how much I overthink things as even me not being a people person. People always are good with hangout/talking after like a year of nothing.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51094090]A lot of the time, the reasons someone would ghost another person they were interested in have to do with who they are as a person and not just some superficial characteristic that is easily changed. There is no right way to be a person and most people probably recognize that just because they don't like a certain characteristic that doesn't make it objectively bad.[/QUOTE] Ghosting someone is never ok. It's the mark of an immature person who is too much of a coward to do the right thing by telling someone the truth, even if it's tough to say/hear.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51094732]Id do it if the person was enough of a dick and beyond any help that I could provide[/QUOTE] yeah but that implies you tried [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] If you take off after explaining yourself or trying to amend and failing that's different, as would be if you did it right after heat [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] urbandictionary top def seems to nail it [quote]The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.[/quote] I don't think its exclusive to dating though

I 'ghosted' a friend of mine earlier this year, since he left some really hurtful messages that basically showed me that I was only on his radar when he needed something from me. So I just never responded back. He's deleted me from every form of social media since.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;51094708]Ghosting someone is never ok. It's the mark of an immature person who is too much of a coward to do the right thing by telling someone the truth, even if it's tough to say/hear.[/QUOTE] It's not their fault that some people don't listen. If you tell someone it's over and they keep trying and trying they shouldn't be surprised when you never respond.

That's different though [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] The reason ghosting is bad is because you don't tell them [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] Part of the ghosting is avoiding confronting about it entirely

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51095095]That's different though [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] The reason ghosting is bad is because you don't tell them[/QUOTE] I've told people multiple times before what they've done wrong, why I don't want to be associated with them anymore, then when I finally just stop replying I get the same complaints in my inbox from them of, "Why are you ghosting me????" Some people just don't know when to listen.

Well those people are stupid because it isn't real ghosting

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51095114]Well those people are stupid because it isn't real ghosting[/QUOTE] That's my point, there's a lot of people on the dropped side who still don't understand they've done something and see it that way. Maybe if everyone was able to look at their relationship objectively that might be true, but until that time 'real ghosting' isn't any real measure.

[QUOTE=plunger435;51094036]Sorry to ask, but this makes it seem kind of ambiguous, was she your girlfriend like you two had been dating for a while or did you just have a crush on her?[/QUOTE] We were never in a relationship, and we never had a date. The only time we've ever met up in person was that time, which we went to a fan meetup of Syndicate's (one of the guys who got involved with the CSGOLotto thing with TmarTn and that ages ago now). I never really considered it as a date, because it was just a friend outing but we also went there with two of my close friends (plus two mates of one of them) who all made their own way there. So, I did have a crush on her but I managed to keep it a secret somehow. We just acted as if we were just friends and that was all. We used to talk online quite often and we used to play Black Ops 3 zombies on the PS4 a few times too. From what I remember, I went home with her but my mates went to McDonalds. I asked if she wanted to go there with them but she wanted to go home so I went with her to make sure she was safe though I was originally intending to get a lift home by my parents who were making their way home from work at the same time as we were leaving the meetup. I ended up taking a bus back to the same stop I met her on, but since she was getting off at a much later stop I said my goodbyes and asked for a friendly hug which she accepted. In hindsight, I should've stayed on the bus until she wanted to get off and see if she wouldn't mind letting me stay at her's until my parents arrived but since I already said to my parents where I was going to be picked up from it kinda fucked that plan up. Either way, it's history now so yeah. Kinda fucked up that she blocked me out of nowhere to be honest but that's life, it's happened to me before this girl as well and it's made me freak out a lot too...

[QUOTE=plunger435;51095127]That's my point, there's a lot of people on the dropped side who still don't understand they've done something and see it that way. Maybe if everyone was able to look at their relationship objectively that might be true, but until that time 'real ghosting' isn't any real measure.[/QUOTE] All the google results for ghosting in this context (other contexts being CSS spectator assisting and apparitions on tv screens) say its only when you leave no explanation/precedent, including dictionary.com and urbandictionary and even a girl's advice site "the practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship" Those people are just misusing the term. You aren't ghosting them. What you did was fine and that kind of response from them kinda proves you were right to just stop wasting your time with them. Edit: Unrelated but apparently some forums use the term ghosting to refer to shadowbans