Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=ZpankR;48657479]Not that it makes it any better, but I'm from Portugal. Flagdog is wrong. I'm sorry if I'm in any way offending for being who I am. It was really hard for me to pour out some of what I said and some of it might sound overly defensive.. I'm a broken person and bashing me for opening up really hurts. I'm going to bed[/QUOTE] You need to stop victimizing yourself about this. It's called "age of consent" for a reason - legally, minors [b]cannot consent[/b] to having sex. If you have sex with her, it is legally rape. I think you should give some consideration to why you're relating better to people way out of your age group rather than people of your own age and maturity level. Generally when people tend toward significantly younger partners it is because of developmental/maturity issues on their own end. [editline]11th September 2015[/editline] And you need to understand that we aren't attacking you for who you are or anything out of your control here - we're concerned about the choices you are making. It's hard to control your emotions, and it would be understandable if you were coming here for advice on getting over someone who it would be inappropriate to date. What we're concerned about is the fact that you're actually pursuing a relationship with this person, and are continuing with it despite knowing it's wrong.

[QUOTE=ZpankR;48657112]Hey guys, first time posting in one of these threads. Can't really sleep, it's driving me nuts. Sorry for the absurdly long wall of text! I really don't know where to start, a brief intro to my life perhaps? I'm 21, not very shy, have had lots of ups and downs in insecurities throughout my entire life. Have had some weirdly traumatic love.. lessons.. that really shaped me into what I am. I've been in three long-time relationships, one of which was also a long-distance relationship. My first girlfriend and I were very very inexperienced and the whole thing isn't really worth mentioning, other than that I was kind of a dick to her near the end, which I regret, since she was never mean to me or anything. Having someone at that time of my life really meant a lot for my self-esteem though, which I value a lot. Keep in mind this was about 8 years ago, I was really happy when we first kissed. Like top of the line impossible-to-stop grin the entire day. My theater club found out almost immediately.. Recently found out she's pregnant! Life's weird. I met a few people after her, one of which really affected my perception about how people change. She was adorable, clever, loved games. We met at my best friend's birthday party. She hooked up with another guy which bummed me out since we spent some hours talking the previous night. Fast forward to present time, she's one of the sluttiest girls I've seen, literally going out every night, having the time of her life, fucking guys like there's no tomorrow. She's not relevant anymore. The Internet has had such an impact on me it's not even funny. I've been here for far too long. I've seen so much gore, weird fetishes, etc. it numbed me completely. [b]And I've caught weird kinks of my own, the biggest of which is that I like girls who are relatively younger than me. This gets me to where I was back in 2011. I was 17, met a girl in the beginning of summer who was into very very weird stuff for her age. She was 13. I lost my virginity to her. We experimented a lot in what seemed like a really short month.[/b] After that she just cut all strings and we parted ways without thinking much about eachother. This was when I was part of this local summer activities group for kids (We take them to the beach, municipal pool, visit tourist sites, the zoo, etc). [b]Weirdly enough I was put with the oldest lot, 13~14 year olds. Heh.[/b] Out of all of the kids there, two girls stuck out. When the summer thing ended, I had both her numbers' and one of them hugged me, kissed my cheek and told me she really liked that month. Let's call her cookie. You see, cookie started out as a really really good friend. She was the first person I felt a really strong emotional bond, and she was a beautiful mess. [b]She had a boyfriend at the time, who I proceeded to make go away by very strong persuasion. Was at a party, very very drunk and decided to call the guy and tell him all sorts of manipulative threats. After a few days he left and cookie told me "someone" had talked him into giving up on her.[/b] Cookie was someone special, but like all things good, she went away because I fucked up. I told her what I felt and it shattered every bit of chance I had with her. Enter her best friend at the time, the other girl from that summer group. We hit off really fast, kind of a rebound thing I guess. But alas, it turned into my second and longest relationship. This was all when I started college too. A bit of a sidenote here: My birthday and the number 127 have had a huge impact on my life, from representing key points in big changes, to the people I meet, and all the coincidences that seem to find me within this number. [sp]Hence my website 127.wtf[/sp] Come my birthday, I invite her and at night we made out, everything looked like it was going nicely. Thing is, I still had feelings for cookie. The next few months were very bumpy. A rollercoaster of emotions, of learning and teaching. Did I mention she was 14? Eventually we grew into eachother and things started looking bright more often than not. But cookie was still there. She was always there, and we were becoming fast friends again. Flirt, lovely texts, but I couldn't ever cheat. It wasn't in me. I couldn't even get myself to get as emotionally invested as cookie was. This went on for a while, I was already sexually active at the time, but I never expected what came this summer. [/QUOTE] uh you seem like a very dangerous person to put around kids

[QUOTE=ZpankR;48657112]The Internet has had such an impact on me it's not even funny. I've been here for far too long. I've seen so much gore, weird fetishes, etc. it numbed me completely. And I've caught weird kinks of my own, the biggest of which is that I like girls who are relatively younger than me.[/QUOTE] thats not a kink youre a pedophile lol

Even though technically the age of consent here is 14, you guys are right. I'm wrong, it's morally and ethically incorrect to continue pursuing what I'm currently doing. I keep making excuses for the inexcusable and it has to stop. I've arranged for professional counselling and decided to stop talking to her. Thank you guys

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;48653437]To be honest, you blew it. Confessing feelings like that is an action with very high risk and very low chances of success. It's generally a terrible idea. Now the cat is out of the bag and things will be awkward. Your chances of success are slim to none now.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=IJNOMED;48653455]-snip- So, most likely if a relationship dosen't form with her, you and her might end up becoming closer friends. Who knows. *wow I cannot type today, I had to re-write that maybe 5 times*[/QUOTE] We're both still talking and still doing the plans we've made before I told her. So I guess it isn't half bad.

I fucking hate myself. I am pretty much a manipulative bastard with depression. I often get panic attacks and shit. My biggest fear is me hurting others... I've been going on therapies. I've been trying to change myself. I've been taking medication... I've pushed so many people away because I was afraid of hurting them, and I've pushed a few people away because I hurt them. I can't fucking take this much longer... I'm already scheduled for a visit to a doc... But I feel like it won't help me. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I be good? Why do I have to be like this? Why, despite my best efforts, it still happens? I've begged to gods for it to stop. I've begged to everyone to make it stop. Why can't it stop... I am a fucking failure... Hopefully getting back on my medication will help me.

[QUOTE=TomoAlien;48659480]I fucking hate myself. I am pretty much a manipulative bastard with depression. I often get panic attacks and shit. My biggest fear is me hurting others... I've been going on therapies. I've been trying to change myself. I've been taking medication... I've pushed so many people away because I was afraid of hurting them, and I've pushed a few people away because I hurt them. I can't fucking take this much longer... I'm already scheduled for a visit to a doc... But I feel like it won't help me. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I be good? Why do I have to be like this? Why, despite my best efforts, it still happens? I've begged to gods for it to stop. I've begged to everyone to make it stop. Why can't it stop... I am a fucking failure... Hopefully getting back on my medication will help me.[/QUOTE] You may want to go to the depression thread here: [url]https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1483573[/url] They will be a lot better at understanding your situation than us.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48654488]If your problems were so simple that you can say therapy is easy, and imply that it doesn't take a lot of effort to overcome mental disorders like depression, then I envy you.[/QUOTE] It's easier than to look for help on an online forum. I have depression. Been doing therapy for 2 years now. All I'm saying is that you can keep your symptoms in check way more easier than to seek advice from others. Knowing what the steps for a better life are and not being able to muster the motivation to follow through because of it will lead you nowhere. No. I'm not saying therapy is a quick fix for problems. But it's a quick way to keep your symptoms in check. [editline]11th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=TomoAlien;48659480]I fucking hate myself. I am pretty much a manipulative bastard with depression. I often get panic attacks and shit. My biggest fear is me hurting others... [B]I've been going on therapies[/B]. I've been trying to change myself. I've been taking medication... I've pushed so many people away because I was afraid of hurting them, and I've pushed a few people away because I hurt them. I can't fucking take this much longer... I'm already scheduled for a visit to a doc... But I feel like it won't help me. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I be good? Why do I have to be like this? Why, despite my best efforts, it still happens? I've begged to gods for it to stop. I've begged to everyone to make it stop. Why can't it stop... I am a fucking failure... [B]Hopefully getting back on my medication will help me[/B].[/QUOTE] It seems you haven't been consistent with your therapy. You tried medication and now you're going back? You need to be consistent with your therapy to keep your symptoms in check. If you keep changing therapists, going on and off with your medication because suddenly you feel better is a big mistake. By doing so you're re-enabling one of the biggest dangers of depression: lack of motivation, that leads to loss of self-worth, and this makes going back to seek help very difficult as it leads you to believe you're helpless. Don't let it get over you. Fight it and keep it check consistently.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48659795]It's easier than to look for help on an online forum. I have depression. Been doing therapy for 2 years now. All I'm saying is that you can keep your symptoms in check way more easier than to seek advice from others.[/QUOTE] For all the times you have messaged me on steam looking for someone to bitch at, you really don't know me or who I am, and it really grates at me that you would make the assumption that I'm fine when you have never asked. So much for being "friends" a year ago, right? I can count the times I've asked for advice here on one hand and with the exception of a traumatic experience last year, I have never bothered to bring up the state of my own mental health in this thread. No offense to anyone here, but I've been here long enough to know what most of you would have to say about some of my issues - and the most helpful advice I'd expect to get is "seek professional help". Therapy does not work for everyone. Medication does not work for everyone. Some of us spend half our lives in and out of psychiatrists' offices and don't get anything out of it. I say this as someone who is on the path to devote their life to counseling people with mood disorders - [b]it isn't always enough[/b]. There is nothing "quick" about therapy and it's so condescending and insulting to talk about it like it's an easy solution. That said, I think it's important that anyone dealing with a mental disorder is proactive about finding solutions for their issues. Sometimes (not often, but sometimes) depression is as simple as a vitamin deficiency, not getting regular sleep, not being physically active. Often it's a combination of these factors as well as others. A lot of people in today's society have poor lifestyle habits that factor in. Lack of vitamin D can factor depression, for some people it can help just to go outside more often. Sometimes meds are actually a plausible solution. These things are rarely simple solutions, but every little bit helps.

Guy, you're awesome. Just felt like throwing that in b/c you're always in this thread giving great advice okay stay cool.

Aww, thank you!

Ok l'm sorry if l was misunderstood here. But isn't it bringing up issues l talked privately with you to win over an argument a little uncalled for. As far as l remember you also vented with me on steam a few times, so what's the deal with that really? Ok l'm wrong. I can live with that. I'm usually the first one to admit that. But that was really unecessary.

take it to pm's guys

[QUOTE=PollytheParrot;48660933]take it to pm's guys[/QUOTE] no it's fight time me and you let's go fucker

i want ins on this fight what the fuck

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48661253]i want ins on this fight what the fuck[/QUOTE] you're a shit

I'm not going to debate the subject any further here. There will be no fight.

Pff, spoil sport

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;48661853]while somehow looking like that old superman avatar[/QUOTE] ... Do you mean Sandman?

Oh good lord [editline]11th September 2015[/editline] Renegade, you're awesome. But [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sandman_(Vertigo)]educate yourself![/url]

Oh, I know what you're talking about now. It was from [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orcs_Must_Die!]this[/url]

I'm 16, gone into a place similar to college called 'sixth form', it's pretty much college and A levels from the comfort of your school. Most of last years friends are there. Well anyway, i haven't really gotten close to any girls, I speak to everyone frome friends to girls I don't really know too well but it's just casual small talk. Haven't really had a girlfriend yet and I'm pretty depressed. Thing is no one knows this which means I have to act like really optimistic. I don't blame girls for not taking interest as I don't go out or socialise as often. Not sure what to do as I don't seek attention so I thought I'd ask here. I'm just always down emotionally and have to fake smiles, laughter etc. I've tried stuff like going out with others, parties but nothing truely makes me happy. Don't enjoy food, it just feels like I'm eating to not starve rather than enjoy food, messaging or talking to people feels like a chore and hearing about or seeing other people's happiness only makes shit worse. I'm not sure what would be best to do here, therapy? As a result I ended up with C's last year on GCSE's since I simply can't concentrate on anything other than how good life could be.

[QUOTE=Pigsy;48662298]I'm 16, gone into a place similar to college called 'sixth form', it's pretty much college and A levels from the comfort of your school. Most of last years friends are there. Well anyway, i haven't really gotten close to any girls, I speak to everyone frome friends to girls I don't really know too well but it's just casual small talk. Haven't really had a girlfriend yet and I'm pretty depressed. Thing is no one knows this which means I have to act like really optimistic. I don't blame girls for not taking interest as I don't go out or socialise as often. Not sure what to do as I don't seek attention so I thought I'd ask here. I'm just always down emotionally and have to fake smiles, laughter etc. I've tried stuff like going out with others, parties but nothing truely makes me happy. Don't enjoy food, it just feels like I'm eating to not starve rather than enjoy food, messaging or talking to people feels like a chore and hearing about or seeing other people's happiness only makes shit worse. I'm not sure what would be best to do here, therapy? As a result I ended up with C's last year on GCSE's since I simply can't concentrate on anything other than how good life could be.[/QUOTE] I'd suggest looking into therapy. You should have a talk with your parents about it and let them know what's going on. If you don't feel comfortable bringing it up with your parents right away, you could also try speaking to your school counselor and seeing if they have any suggestions.

??? not having a girlfriend at 16 is completely acceptable

Maybe, seeing everyone around you going out with girls etc doesn't really help. [editline]11th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48662324]I'd suggest looking into therapy. You should have a talk with your parents about it and let them know what's going on. If you don't feel comfortable bringing it up with your parents right away, you could also try speaking to your school counselor and seeing if they have any suggestions.[/QUOTE] Maybe, I couldn't tell my parents and I would like to do therapy but getting the money for it right now would be difficult. And I wouldn't want school knowing either. I don't really want anyone I would know in real life to know.

Your school counselor might be a good place to start. School counselors can't prescribe meds, but they can provide a bit of guidance on dealing with issues like depression. And like Sector said, there's nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend, but I don't think that being single is the source of your depression. It's very common for depression to surface during adolescence. I can't speak for your parents, but they might be more understanding about this than you expect - it's a normal issue.

You might be right. But I wouldn't be comfortable with going through with telling school about it. For you I suppose it might be like asking out a girl you like, It's for your own benefit but you still find it hard to do. I could end up in free therapy (heard you can get that from your GP if necessary) but I wanted to make sure it was absolutely necessary. As for the source of depression, no idea. It just happens, just feel down and don't want to do anything. But right now its out of the question since I need to be doing a lot and being down and upset all the time leads to many people not liking you. For now this isn't the case but I've been lucky since I've faked being happy really. Friends may understand but I doubt it would help and some people might think its 'attention seeking', and if you knew me, you'd know I hate attention.

Counselors are required to keep anything their clients share with them private unless they have good reason to believe their client is going to imminently harm themselves or others if they don't act (or if they get explicit signed permission from the client to disclose it). That doesn't encompass depression - it specifically applies to self-harming/suicidal/hostile behavior. Depression often doesn't have a specific source, it's usually a combination of genetic predisposition + life circumstances. Honestly, learning how to fake happiness is just a part of life regardless of whether you're clinically depressed or not - everyone has times where they're not in the mood to deal with other people, and learning to still be pleasant despite your personal feelings is crucial to functioning as an adult. [editline]11th September 2015[/editline] Also worth mentioning that studies have shown that 20% of teens have experienced depression. Chances are a lot of your peers are faking happiness as well. I know that when I was in high school, some of the most energetic and upbeat people I knew turned out to be extremely depressed or suicidal.

School counselors are supposed to respect your privacy and whatever you discuss with them is confidential. At least that's the case here. They usually have separate offices inside the school. In your case, being 16, I think they will only inform your parents if there is something about you that could raise some concern, like harming yourself or others, or to manifest the need of other professional approach on your problems. They will never disclose any personal or private information with anyone else, not even their peers. However if such happens for your own good, the counselor will let you know beforehand. So don't be afraid. Nobody will know about your problems. The objective of counseling is also to create a safe environment in order for people to feel comfortable about seeking help. And like people here said: Not having a girlfriend at 16 isn't the end of the world. You have plenty of time. Might as well take it naturally.

Alright, I'll look into some of this thanks.