Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;51120311]I'm concerned about the possibility that I might do something that comes across as creepy, because I'm not super great with people in general. But oh well, I'm going to try. We made plans for breakfast tomorrow, and maybe during that I'll ask her if she wants to go out and do something later in the day. Shame we're both so busy with classes though. [editline]27th September 2016[/editline] also I have absolutely no idea how to ask a girl out [editline]27th September 2016[/editline] but she's so cute and wonderful, and I've made so many mistakes with hesitating too much or keeping feelings to myself, so I figure if I'm going to make another mistake, might as well make it in the opposite direction[/QUOTE] As somebody who often runs into the same issue you are running into, remember: Others won't be seeing the mistakes you are seeing, relax and go for it. In the rare case things don't go as you would wish, you can always recover, as you can talk things out. Better that than spending time pondering long gone "what if"s.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;51118990]So, like, I'm really bad at picking up signals but there's this girl who lives in my hall who goes out of her way to talk to me a lot, and takes even the smallest opportunities to grab my hand or touch my arm, and she kinda constantly talks about how much she wishes she had a boyfriend or someone to cuddle with, and she kinda just goes overboard with being cute around me also she's super cute and really sweet and just seems like a wonderful person also she's currently doing homework on my bed because she "felt too lonely doing it anywhere else" even though I can hear people doing homework in the common room right now I am incompetent, what do I do[/QUOTE] Give her the D [editline]28th September 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=blerb;51121045]I have a broad question for you folks. Do you think a lack of trust in a person is justified even when they haven't done or said anything definitive to warrant it? For context, I've been thinking about my time with my ex. Despite how much I liked her, I don't think I ever truly trusted her. I don't really have a solid, concrete reason not to trust her, either. I just have a lot of smaller red flags that came off as weird to me at the time. Admittedly, I have a lot of trust issues when it comes to infidelity (and it constantly affects my actions and decision making, which ia a huge bummer), and it's entirely possible that I was just projecting my insecurity onto her. It ended up killing our relationship, too. I just couldn't shake the feeling that she was being dishonest in some way. Not infidelity per se, but something in general. That said, I can't change any of that now. However, my question remains. So yea answer it if ya want[/QUOTE] Trust without doubt is a lie

starting my new job tomorrow, didn't realise it pays as lousy as my last job. however it is permanent part time so it has benefits. haven't heard back from the other job from yesterday but i dont hold high hopes for. would have been a sweet job as it pays upwards of $1500 a week.

[QUOTE=blerb;51121045]I have a broad question for you folks. Do you think a lack of trust in a person is justified even when they haven't done or said anything definitive to warrant it?[/QUOTE] Yes. NEVER discredit your own gut feelings about someone. All of us have incredibly good instincts that have been honed by decades of reading human behavior - even if you aren't recognizing specific red flags on a conscious level, your subconscious is probably perceiving them and affecting your judgments because of those things. Instead of telling yourself "I shouldn't be feeling this way", ask yourself "why am I feeling this way?". If you look back on a situation that you had a strong gut feeling about, chances are you'll be able to find some red flags that you didn't even consciously recognize when you were in the situation. [editline]28th September 2016[/editline] Also, I can tell you from experience that telling yourself you [i]should[/i] trust someone solely because they haven't done anything to break that trust yet is a huge, huge mistake. Do not put yourself in a vulnerable situation with someone your instinct is telling you not to trust.

I've been cautious over small red flags, there's a chance they are part of a bigger problem, or they are just misunderstandings. Shit like this can ruin friendships or relationships horribly if nothing is done to address it and they'll end up driving you away slowly. A good thing to do is just talk to them and tell them everything that's on your mind. If they understand and go out of their way to change and actually take in and listen what you are saying, that's a good thing. If they act lIke nothing is wrong, or cast the blame onto you despite levelheaded reasoning and compelling evidence, that is really bad and a sign of a truly fucked up person

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;51121882]I've been cautious over small red flags, there's a chance they are part of a bigger problem, or they are just misunderstandings. Shit like this can ruin friendships or relationships horribly if nothing is done to address it and they'll end up driving you away slowly. A good thing to do is just talk to them and tell them everything that's on your mind. If they understand and go out of their way to change and actually take in and listen what you are saying, that's a good thing. If they act lIke nothing is wrong, or cast the blame onto you despite levelheaded reasoning and compelling evidence, that is really bad and a sign of a truly fucked up person[/QUOTE] They can also ruin your career and social life, but whatever

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;51118990]So, like, I'm really bad at picking up signals but there's this girl who lives in my hall who goes out of her way to talk to me a lot, and takes even the smallest opportunities to grab my hand or touch my arm, and she kinda constantly talks about how much she wishes she had a boyfriend or someone to cuddle with, and she kinda just goes overboard with being cute around me also she's super cute and really sweet and just seems like a wonderful person also she's currently doing homework on my bed because she "felt too lonely doing it anywhere else" even though I can hear people doing homework in the common room right now I am incompetent, what do I do[/QUOTE] we expect you report some form of progress soon. chances like these are uncommon. I would know that it is very easy to let them slip by when you stall too long, don't do that. go get 'em

I need help/advice for some problems I'm going through right now. It starts with the usual "so there was this girl". We both go to different colleges so all of this was over text/FB messenger. I got her number a while back on just a platonic friend basis at a party cause everyone was swapping numbers, I had it for a while but never talked. On her 19th birthday I decided to send her a happy birthday text because why the hell not, and she replied back thankfully and we talked for a while. For the next couple of weeks we continued to talk back and forth (with her initiating the conversation, surprisingly!) and that soon became long conversations almost every single day. We share common interests and have similar mindsets. She's cute and has an innocent and playful personality which made life so much better. After a while I started to like her and for a month I kept it to myself until I decided to tell her one day. She responded nicely and said she was interested in me too, but that there was a girl in her class that she was also interested in. She didn't want to get serious with me until she figured out what she's into and didn't want to disappoint me. She asked if I was mad about it and I said of course not (we're still just teens, so whatever's best for her). So fast forward around 5-6 months over the school year and we talked almost every single day. Like, constant conversations from 8:30am to 11pm. It was amazing, I loved this feeling of being admired and that someone was interested. We racked up around 25,000 messages on FB messenger in under a year. We played games on Steam, made makeshift ways of "hanging out" with eachother (like sharing pictures while being out, talking about our days and problems etc) and just enjoyed eachother's company. I made it clear that I appreciated how much time she spends with me and how important she is. She even told me one day that she had a dream about me, and woke me up to a "morning handsome" text. That does a lot for an insecure guy, haha. And about that other girl in her class, she didn't really talk about her and it was very clear that she was interested in me, so I basically forgot about her. One day she talked about a movie that she was obsessed with and brought her parents to see like 3 times, and said she wished I was around so she could take me too. I took initiative and said that we should see a movie as a start when school ends, and we did. Fast forward to summer, and we go to see the movie. Everything went fine, I was kinda scared to take any chances but she said she had a good time, and at the end of the night I got a hug (which is all I can ask for). But what kinda irked me was that she was a bit hesitant to me asking her if she wanted to hang out again. After that, all the texting stopped. She has ADD, so I can understand how maybe being in the same room with a person you've only really communicated through texting for so long can be overwhelming. She sent a few messages after that about how she needs time alone and might not be active for a while. So like an idiot, I sent messages every couple days trying to talk to her and try to brighten up her day. Sometimes I didn't want a response, I just wanted to cheer her up because work seemed stressful and she seemed busy. For a month straight she didn't respond back and I slowed down the messaging, but still tried every once in a while. She responded back about 2 months or so ago and said I didn't make her feel too good about the messages and I made her feel bad because she couldn't respond. Most of my messages weren't even of an accusing nature, I was just trying to get something out of her and me trying to apologize for kinda overwhelming her with messages (which is ironic, but there really isn't another way to do it?) She ended with "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but right now I need to focus on myself, and so should you". I kept my distance for a while after that. I tried 2 more times in the space of a month and a half to talk, and after the last one I sent on September 2nd, she blocked me. [B]If you've read this far then holy shit, thank you[/B]. I just don't know how to feel right now. I have no tears left, and I've lost a lot of motivation to do anything. She was so important to me and I wanted to be a part of her life. I've been trying to forget her but when someone leaves an impact that big on your life, it's really hard. I know it's just a Facebook block, but it's basically just saying "I don't want you in my life anymore, please stop talking to me", right? She feels like a completely different person. Am I in the wrong? Should I have let up on the messages even though she asked to not be talked to? Was it reasonable for a guy in love to act that way? Was it stupid of me to chase after her until I pissed her off enough to block me? Will I ever talk to her again? Those are just a handful of the questions that have been rattling in my head. I don't know exactly what to ask for but I just needed to tell someone about it. [I]Sorry if this is in the wrong thread, it feels right though? If it is wrong, I would appreciate it if I could be directed to the right thread. [/I]

[QUOTE=da space core;51122376]we expect you report some form of progress soon. chances like these are uncommon. I would know that it is very easy to let them slip by when you stall too long, don't do that. go get 'em[/QUOTE] Thank you. We went to breakfast together and it went great. We'll probably hang out tonight.

[QUOTE=austin0331;51122632]I need help/advice for some problems I'm going through right now. It starts with the usual "so there was this girl". We both go to different colleges so all of this was over text/FB messenger. I got her number a while back on just a platonic friend basis at a party cause everyone was swapping numbers, I had it for a while but never talked. On her 19th birthday I decided to send her a happy birthday text because why the hell not, and she replied back thankfully and we talked for a while. For the next couple of weeks we continued to talk back and forth (with her initiating the conversation, surprisingly!) and that soon became long conversations almost every single day. We share common interests and have similar mindsets. She's cute and has an innocent and playful personality which made life so much better. I started to like her and for a month I kept it to myself until I decided to tell her one day. She responded nicely and said she was interested in me too, but that there was a girl in her class that she was also interested in. She didn't want to get serious with me until she figured out what she's into and didn't want to disappoint me. She asked if I was mad about it and I said of course not (we're still just teens, so whatever's best for her). So fast forward around 5-6 months over the school year and we talked almost every single day. Like, constant conversations from 8:30am to 11pm. It was amazing, I loved this feeling of being admired and that someone was interested. We racked up around 25,000 messages on FB messenger in under a year. We played games on Steam, made makeshift ways of "hanging out" with eachother (like sharing pictures while being out, talking about our days and problems etc) and just enjoyed eachother's company. I made it clear that I appreciated how much time she spends with me and how important she is. She even told me one day that she had a dream about me, and woke me up to a "morning handsome" text. That does a lot for an insecure guy, haha. And about that other girl in her class, she didn't really talk about her and it was very clear that she was interested in me, so I basically forgot about her. One day she talked about a movie that she was obsessed with and brought her parents to see like 3 times, and said she wished I was around so she could take me too. I took initiative and said that we should see a movie as a start when school ends, and we did. Fast forward to summer, and we go to see the movie. Everything went fine, I was kinda scared to take any chances but she said she had a good time, and at the end of the night I got a hug (which is all I can ask for). But what kinda irked me was that she was a bit hesitant to me asking her if she wanted to hang out again. After that, all the texting stopped. She has ADD, so I can understand how maybe being in the same room as a person you've only really communicated through texting for so long can be overwhelming. She sent a few messages after that about how she needs time alone and might not be active for a while. So like an idiot, I sent messages every couple days trying to talk to her and try to brighten up her day. Sometimes I didn't want a response, I just wanted to cheer her up because work seemed stressful and she seemed busy. For a month straight she didn't respond back and I slowed down the messaging, but still tried every once in a while. She responded back about 2 months or so ago and said I didn't make her feel too good about the messages and I made her feel bad because she couldn't respond. Most of my messages weren't even of an accusing nature, I was just trying to get something out of her and me trying to apologize for kinda overwhelming her with messages (which is ironic, but there really isn't another way to do it?) She ended with "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but right now I need to focus on myself, and so should you". I kept my distance for a while after that. I tried 2 more times in the space of a month and a half to talk, and after the last one I sent on September 2nd, she blocked me. [B]If you've read this far then holy shit, thank you[/B]. I just don't know how to feel right now. I have no tears left, and I've lost a lot of motivation to do anything. She was so important to me and I wanted to be a part of her life. I've been trying to forget her but when someone leaves an impact that big on your life, it's really hard. I know it's just a Facebook block, but it's basically just saying "I don't want you in my life anymore, please stop talking to me", right? She feels like a completely different person. Am I in the wrong? Should I have let up on the messages even though she asked to not be talked to? Was it reasonable for a guy in love to act that way? Was it stupid of me to chase after her until I pissed her off enough to block me? Will I ever talk to her again? Those are just a handful of the questions that have been rattling in my head. I don't know exactly what to ask for but I just needed to tell someone about it. [I]Sorry if this is in the wrong thread, it feels right though? If it is wrong, I would appreciate it if I could be directed to the right thread. [/I][/QUOTE] You definitely should've stopped the first time she said to stop. Sounds like you were being too insistent. It sounded like she lost interest in you somewhere during the movie date you took. Was there anything in particular that you did to put her off?

[QUOTE=Pascall;51122809]You definitely should've stopped the first time she said to stop. Sounds like you were being too insistent. It sounded like she lost interest in you somewhere during the movie date you took. Was there anything in particular that you did to put her off?[/QUOTE] I realized I was being insistent, and tried to apologize for that too. It's hard to apologize to someone when they don't want to talk to you I guess. Everything just felt weird because I was already talking to her so often, when it suddenly stopped I didn't know what to do. She said it wasn't my fault initially why she stopped, but she said after the messages "piled up" (it honestly wasn't that much except for when she first started to be quiet, after that it was like once per week for a month or less maybe? After that was when I kinda stopped), it was a factor in why she didn't reply. As for the movie, not that I know of. What I am aware that I did though, was kind of rest my hand on [I]my[/I] leg next to her cause I wanted to try holding her hand, but I didn't want to be too insistent. I paid for the movie and tried to be as positive as possible. I've never felt this way before about someone so idk, maybe I did say something that might've irked her, but not to my knowledge. You say maybe she just lost interest in me after the movie, and it's something I thought of too, I'm just having trouble coming to terms with that. I just don't know how someone could do that. Feelings are weird. You talk to someone for over half a year, they send you winkies and hearts, tell you they're interested and want to see you. One hour and a half long movie later, they don't want anything to do with you and pretend you don't even exist, and it hurt a lot. [editline].[/editline] I think it's worth mentioning that I've known this girl as a friend since 2009 or before. Me texting her on her birthday wasn't the first time we ever communicated, so talking about stuff and doing things together online were easier than how most friendships would normally be.

[QUOTE=austin0331;51122632]I sent messages every couple days trying to talk to her and try to brighten up her day. Sometimes I didn't want a response, I just wanted to cheer her up because work seemed stressful and she seemed busy. For a month straight she didn't respond back and I slowed down the messaging, but still tried every once in a while.[/quote] Wow, dude. You messaged her for a month straight after she stopped talking to you? It doesn't matter what your history is - if you don't get a response for a month straight, for even a few days, that person is either not available to talk or not answering for a reason - neither of those warrant continuing to text them. If they somehow actually didn't get your previous text, it's not that likely they're going to see the next one or the next two hundred either. I had someone do this too - I had stopped responding inadvertently for maybe two days (was busy with school and personal stuff). In that time, I got almost a dozen texts from the guy, including one that woke me up in the middle of the night. All it took was two days for me to realize how creepy the guy was and that those two days should probably be extended indefinitely. [QUOTE=austin0331;51122632]I tried 2 more times in the space of a month and a half to talk, and after the last one I sent on September 2nd, she blocked me.[/QUOTE] She asked you to stop messaging her, you messaged her anyway, she blocked you. I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're trying to ask us here. Are you surprised that when she said she didn't want to talk, she [i]actually[/i] didn't want to talk? [QUOTE=austin0331;51122632]Was it reasonable for a guy in love to act that way?[/QUOTE] "Love" is never an excuse to act creepy or give your emotions free reign over your actions. You have control over yourself. She asked you to leave her alone and you refused. "I couldn't help myself" is never an excuse.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51123620]Wow, dude. You messaged her for a month straight after she stopped talking to you? It doesn't matter what your history is - if you don't get a response for a month straight, for even a few days, that person is either not available to talk or not answering for a reason - neither of those warrant continuing to text them. If they somehow actually didn't get your previous text, it's not that likely they're going to see the next one or the next two hundred either. I had someone do this too - I had stopped responding inadvertently for maybe two days (was busy with school and personal stuff). In that time, I got almost a dozen texts from the guy, including one that woke me up in the middle of the night. All it took was two days for me to realize how creepy the guy was and that those two days should probably be extended indefinitely.[/QUOTE] I understand that now. I guess I'm just super dense. I just wanted to know why it happened, and why so suddenly. She was always really open with her feelings. [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51123620]She asked you to stop messaging her, you messaged her anyway, she blocked you. I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're trying to ask us here. Are you surprised that when she said she didn't want to talk, she [i]actually[/i] didn't want to talk?[/QUOTE] I guess I'm kinda just asking for advice on how to move on, or to have an outlet of some kind. She's done it before where she'd go a bit quiet for a bit, and I guess I lost track of time and how often I was doing it. [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51123620]"Love" is never an excuse to act creepy or give your emotions free reign over your actions. You have control over yourself. She asked you to leave her alone and you refused. "I couldn't help myself" is never an excuse.[/QUOTE] I guess "reasonable" was the wrong word. I know I'm in the wrong, it's pretty evident. It was creepy and stupid to message her like that. It was my first try at love and I fucked up. It's no excuse, but that's what happened. I'll do better next time. I'm sorry if this isn't the kind of thread to vent in. I just needed someone

We all make mistakes. You know you messed up - don't justify it, just own it. Making mistakes is how we learn and how we become better people. It's unlikely you'll ever find out why it happened. There is no such thing as true closure when it comes to romance. The fact that she rejected you doesn't mean you did anything objectively wrong - all it probably means is that for one reason or another, she didn't see you as compatible with her. Everyone has a different definition of romantic relationships and has different preferences for what they want in a partner. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you as a person. It's also possible she had external reasons for losing interest, personal circumstances that had less to do with you.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51123741]We all make mistakes. You know you messed up - don't justify it, just own it. Making mistakes is how we learn and how we become better people. It's unlikely you'll ever find out why it happened. There is no such thing as true closure when it comes to romance. The fact that she rejected you doesn't mean you did anything objectively wrong - all it probably means is that for one reason or another, she didn't see you as compatible with her. Everyone has a different definition of romantic relationships and has different preferences for what they want in a partner. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you as a person. It's also possible she had external reasons for losing interest, personal circumstances that had less to do with you.[/QUOTE] Thanks for your input. I'll find a way to move on.

How are we all finding uni? Any tips or whatever? I'm doing OK but I'm so insecure I'm worried everyone I talk to hates me. I keep ending up in my room just sitting here with music on aimlessly refreshing Twitter and Facepunch. Every time someone offers to go out I say yes and try my best to be fun to be around but that's not exactly much, and I'm not very good at making new friends.

[QUOTE=Rossy167;51123901]How are we all finding uni? Any tips or whatever? I'm doing OK but I'm so insecure I'm worried everyone I talk to hates me. I keep ending up in my room just sitting here with music on aimlessly refreshing Twitter and Facepunch. Every time someone offers to go out I say yes and try my best to be fun to be around but that's not exactly much, and I'm not very good at making new friends.[/QUOTE] From knowing you for a while you're fun if you want to be, tbh I'm liking the fact that, having known people for stupidly long and been through all the awkward teenage phases, I get to start again a bit. That said tonight I kinda got pissed off and panicky about friends ditching me in a club and am kinda annoyed.

[QUOTE=Rossy167;51123901]How are we all finding uni? Any tips or whatever? I'm doing OK but I'm so insecure I'm worried everyone I talk to hates me. I keep ending up in my room just sitting here with music on aimlessly refreshing Twitter and Facepunch. Every time someone offers to go out I say yes and try my best to be fun to be around but that's not exactly much, and I'm not very good at making new friends.[/QUOTE] start asking those people who asked you before and even other people who haven't to hang out from time to time, and if not hang out just ask if they want to grab something to eat as well. the latter works especially well if you live on campus/have some sort of meal plan that lets you use uni buildings that have food w/e. friendships shouldn't be a one sided thing, no one likes to be the only person asking everyone else to do things all the time

so, i have given up on the fact that i'll stop having strong feelings for my ex some day... its been a year and nothing, but, i´ve dating this girl for 3 weeks and its been real good, really like her and find her pretty interesting and amusing, and we clicked instantly. Is it wrong to do this while you have feelings for your ex? as in now i feel like they are 2 different topics in my mind, and dont really have anything to do with each other, but im pretty sure if she asked and i said yes she would feel betrayed somehow, and i would agree. I dont know, am i being in the wrong here? i dont really see my current status with my ex being something that will mess with the feelings im developing for this girl, but i dont really know if it could eventually.

I wouldn't say it's "wrong", but you really ought to just get over it. It's not really good for you.

I think it's normal having a hard time shaking feelings for someone.

[QUOTE=OvB;51125306]I think it's normal having a hard time shaking feelings for someone.[/QUOTE] I'm still trying to shake my feelings for my best friend. I'm making good progress though.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51125363]My best bro moved away, and I still feel strange a few months afterwards. We would often meet after class, often hangout on weekends and spontaneously. We were each others drinking buddies and we always enjoyed talking shit with each other. Now I just feel a bit lost on campus. I'm trying to fill the void, but he is still my best bro, though. One of the few people I feel comfortable hugging.[/QUOTE] I wish I had someone who clicked that well with me. I'm the kind of person who tends to make a small amount of close friends as opposed to a large amount of lesser friends. Even so, I currently don't have anyone who's both super close to me and similar to me in a lot of ways, which is kind of bugging me.

I feel like I can't really keep up with more than one good friend, everyone else is like a remote friend that I catch up with once in a while.

What do you guys think about trying to ask people out on dates when they are clients/workmates/colleagues/customers? I know its generally frowned upon, and could possibly fuck up someone's career. But will you still recommend? Asking cause I might do it, but with my boss around, its difficult.

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;51125969]What do you guys think about trying to ask people out on dates when they are clients/workmates/colleagues/customers? I know its generally frowned upon, and could possibly fuck up someone's career. But will you still recommend? Asking cause I might do it, but with my boss around, its difficult.[/QUOTE] As a general rule of thumb, dont shit where you eat

Brothers, I need some guidance as the outcome will be magnificent. There is a very shy girl who must be the damn well prettiest in this town and I've managed to sort of grab her attention. I am just really fucking struggling on what to talk about to her about and I know she finds it far worse. Asking how your day has been gets a reply like, "It's alright xxxxxx". And the only reason I've not exactly lost interest is the increase in "x's" she gives and by my rules, thats a good thing right?

Dunno how old you are or what it's like when it comes to talking, especially texting you use x's to represent kisses. Like one x represents friendship n all that, just general talking between familiar people and obviously the more you use the more you like each other... Defiantly the normal for UK

[QUOTE=Ignhelper;51125969]What do you guys think about trying to ask people out on dates when they are clients/workmates/colleagues/customers? I know its generally frowned upon, and could possibly fuck up someone's career. But will you still recommend? Asking cause I might do it, but with my boss around, its difficult.[/QUOTE] as has been mentioned, don't shit where you eat. my first girlfriend and I worked together but when we split up she was working somewhere else thankfully. I can't imagine how shit it would have been to have to go into work and see her every day.

[QUOTE=Royalpain;51127730]Brothers, I need some guidance as the outcome will be magnificent. There is a very shy girl who must be the damn well prettiest in this town and I've managed to sort of grab her attention. I am just really fucking struggling on what to talk about to her about and I know she finds it far worse. Asking how your day has been gets a reply like, "It's alright xxxxxx". And the only reason I've not exactly lost interest is the increase in "x's" she gives and by my rules, thats a good thing right?[/QUOTE] I promise I'm not having a go at you but the Butters avatar is just killing me lol