Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Love;51182581]I think we may be looking at this from different points of view.[/QUOTE] I agree. When dating someone, don't do it high or drunk, especially if you are just starting out. You may make stupid decisions, or your memory of your great events in dating may become impaired. Its not worth it

Or it might be the best night you've ever had in your life and now when anyonw makes even the most miniscule little microgesture that seems the tiniest bit familiar, you can get swept up in the energy of that evening at any point during the day, turning that lil frown right upside down. Seriously though, alcohol is icky, don't do it.

[QUOTE=Love;51182606]Or it might be the best night you've ever had in your life and now when anyonw makes even the most miniscule little microgesture that seems the tiniest bit familiar, you can get swept up in the energy of that evening at any point during the day, turning that lil frown right upside down. Seriously though, alcohol is icky, don't do it.[/QUOTE] I personally find alcohol more appealing, having a light drink at some cafe just to get better in the mood is great. Drugs is something a lot of people haven't done yet and it might not be the greatest impression to smoke some up while the girl would feel uncomfortable while alcohol is simply more accepted. I understand that you are a pothead (post history + title + opinion towards both subjects) but give at least one argument why it is so terribly bad? Besides all of that, you don't need alcohol nor drugs to have a good time but a glass of beer certainly could lift the mood

Funny that I only remembered this after a year, but. A girl co-worker kept on asking my facebook and social media ID/phone number, and kept on trying to approach me. I didn't comply, as I did not want to go into relationship, and there's like another guy who was into her. After a few month of her attempt, and I was transferred to another team, I noticed that she looks kinda gloomy/depressed. Sure hope it was not me that caused it. And then there were winds brewing that implied I'm some kind of gay.

Let's not advocate for the use of drugs to make connections with people.

It's always a bad idea to alter your mind whether by being drunk or high. Part of being yourself is done with having your common-sense and self-monitoring intact. Remove both of them and you are a careless child. It depends on everyone's own personality, but if you think you are unstable then you shouldn't do that. I've learnt that I'm unstable so I don't want to cross that boundary again. My crush however is on the other side of spectrum where she never appears drunk even if she really is. Her use of alcohol is suppressing something bad in her mind only to cry the next morning which she doesn't know why it's that. In both states, her personality is shining with gold and happiness as she is very talkative and friendly, but even if I asked why she had those cries, I was met with the answer that she doesn't really know. I don't want to force being her psychologist, but it makes me feel bad every time I think about that.

fuck fuck fuck I was trying to befriend this girl from my last year of high school because she was super shy and seemingly afraid of men and I just wanted to help her get over the fear and have some positive reinforcement, but I gave up after awhile because I started getting stressed thinking I was scaring the shit out of her by even speaking. I recently found out she had a steam through facebook connect and added her, talked extremely briefly then found out it was her birthday and bought her a game and its DLC. She's been offline for 4 days since I said "no problem, enjoy" when she said I didn't have to do that, and I just noticed she's got playtime today for some DBZ game. Fuck man, this isn't what I wanted. I don't know how to handle this situation. I don't want her to be afraid to be online. I can't really apologize since I didn't actually do anything and because I'm not supposed to know she's hiding. I can't just unadd her and move away either because she's gonna assume I despise her like other people and get even deeper ingrained social anxiety. I don't know what to do. [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] It's really hard to be really good to friends in the age of trust issues and associating loving/friendly behavior with predatory intentions Doesn't help that the schools I went to were basically made for people with issues, so I don't exactly seem to have any friends that don't have at least one mental kink you have to work with.

Not much you can do besides leave her alone. In all honesty, with people who suffer from trauma, the idea that you, solely, can help her "get over her fear" is extremely self-centered, even if it's unintentional. Nothing short of professional help will likely help her get through her fear and even that would take a good long while before she could feel comfortable. The only thing you can do is take a step back and let her be. Don't message her, don't talk to her. Move on with your life.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51184157]Not much you can do besides leave her alone. In all honesty, with people who suffer from trauma, the idea that you, solely, can help her "get over her fear" is extremely self-centered, even if it's unintentional. Nothing short of professional help will likely help her get through her fear and even that would take a good long while before she could feel comfortable. The only thing you can do is take a step back and let her be. Don't message her, don't talk to her. Move on with your life.[/QUOTE] I wasn't saying I solely could.

My point still stands.

I meant if her problem is bullies and betrayal and people being mean to her (it's the stuff I've heard) that she could really use some friends that don't hurt her, someone to rely on. It's one of the basic psychological needs, after all. [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] merge

It is, of course, but she is ultimately in control of who she allows in her life. If she hasn't responded to you, if she wasn't giving you positive signs, then there's nothing you can do but leave her alone.

I guess I'll try that but it doesn't help that she's going to be setting her profile to offline mode every day just because I'm in her list. She has responded to me, nothing noticeably rude or negative, but I'm nervous that this offline mode is about me. It's entirely possible it's not, since like I said, she's been responsive. One time I said happy birthday thinking she went to bed and she turned online mode back on to say thanks. But I worry. I didn't want to put her in this position if I have. Also the assumption that I'm doing this to feel good and not because I think they're good people that I care about in pain is part of what I'm talking about when I say "It's really hard to be really good to friends in the age of trust issues and associating loving/friendly behavior with predatory intentions". I don't like that people assume the worst. I guess it's better than accusing me of doing this to get close enough to destroy her, but it still kind of hurt my feelings. It's the same kind of misconception that causes these situations, I think. I mean, I get it. When someone gets used to terrible things happening, it's hard to expect anything else. I've been there. Trying very hard to hold onto faith, though. I usually set myself up to get taken advantage of this way, but, I'd rather make those mistakes then push away possible good people. I guess I'll play along and pretend I didn't notice. I feel bad about it though. I'm in that area of where I hope it isn't me but also kinda feel bad about hoping it's not me because if its not me it could be something worse? If that makes sense. Come to think of it her twitter and facebook is quiet too, and I only hit like on her "I'm 20!" post, and did nothing on her twitter so maybe she's hiding from someone else. Hope she's okay. She did mention on a tweet that tumblrites were harassing her over being friends with someone that's "problematic". Maybe I'm just being stupid. I guess this is the first week I've had her on steam, could be it's normal. Maybe I'm being self absorbed or centered or whatever by assuming it's about me. [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] I wish I didn't type so much when I'm feeling anxiety

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51184314]I guess I'll try that but it doesn't help that she's going to be setting her profile to offline mode every day just because I'm in her list. She has responded to me, nothing noticeably rude or negative, but I'm nervous that this offline mode is about me. It's entirely possible it's not, since like I said, she's been responsive. One time I said happy birthday thinking she went to bed and she turned online mode back on to say thanks. But I worry. I didn't want to put her in this position if I have. Also the assumption that I'm doing this to feel good and not because I think they're good people that I care about in pain is part of what I'm talking about when I say "It's really hard to be really good to friends in the age of trust issues and associating loving/friendly behavior with predatory intentions". I don't like that people assume the worst. I guess it's better than accusing me of doing this to get close enough to destroy her, but it still kind of hurt my feelings. It's the same kind of misconception that causes these situations, I think. I mean, I get it. When someone gets used to terrible things happening, it's hard to expect anything else. I've been there. Trying very hard to hold onto faith, though. I usually set myself up to get taken advantage of this way, but, I'd rather make those mistakes then push away possible good people. I guess I'll play along and pretend I didn't notice. I feel bad about it though. I'm in that area of where I hope it isn't me but also kinda feel bad about hoping it's not me because if its not me it could be something worse? If that makes sense. Come to think of it her twitter and facebook is quiet too, and I only hit like on her "I'm 20!" post, and did nothing on her twitter so maybe she's hiding from someone else. Hope she's okay. She did mention on a tweet that tumblrites were harassing her over being friends with someone that's "problematic". Maybe I'm just being stupid. I guess this is the first week I've had her on steam, could be it's normal. Maybe I'm being self absorbed or centered or whatever by assuming it's about me. [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] I wish I didn't type so much when I'm feeling anxiety[/QUOTE] You are overthinking the shit out of this man. Even weirder that its for a supposed friendship. Ever considered you should just chill and treat her like you would any of your other friends? If that isn't what she wants she will find other people to hang with and so should you

I do worry about other friends. I really don't want to make anyone, including strangers, uncomfortable [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] I haven't really done anything out of the ordinary. Small "how you been" and the gift. I'm probably/hopefully just worrying over nothing involving me. My family has a history of anxiety in the genes, but the time I take my medicine for it isn't for another hour. Perhaps I should make it earlier.

Maybe - God forbid - for whatever reason, she just isn't interested in you. I know you think you're being subtle but buying someone you hardly know a gift is not only an obvious indication that you're interested in them, but way too forward. Don't brush it off by saying it's because of her deep, traumatic past. If you do that you're just feeding the belief that being blocked is the end of the world and means something is seriously wrong. People block other people for dumb shit all the time, it doesn't mean you're any worse of a person.

I mean, it was her birthday. [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] I'd gotten her one the previous year. But maybe. Edit: I feel like you're low-key implying I want to date her. I'm not prepared to support this kind of person financially or even romantically, they've had a boyfriend for 3 years, I saw a baby, I didn't mention this part but I have an irrational fear of dating people with dyed hair, she's cute but that's about it. I'm also trying to work on myself before trying to get back into the game, I'm looking at January. If this was about something like that it'd be to put her on back-burner, unless she made a move since I'm terrible with rejecting people and that's incredibly unlikely given the circumstances. I know this is typically dating advice, but it also said social and this is the only thread I know where this could go.

It's not the end of the world, dude. It sounds like you probably made her uncomfortable, but I'm sure every person in this thread can think of a few times they've inadvertently done the same. She was able to disengage from the situation, so there's no harm done.

Alright. If she actually did block me it'd be a certainty but she's left me on the list and set to offline so I feel like I'm oppressing her good time on steam (that is, if this is actually about me) [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] I'll quit worrying [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] Thanks everyone

If she blocked you, she would appear as offline to you but remain on your friend list (unless she also removed you). Either way, she has that option to remove you from her friend list. It's not your problem how she decides to avoid you. It's the internet, it's not hard to do.

That's not how steam works. When someone blocks you you can still see their state. I've been blocked by people still in my list before. Plus it shows the same when I'm not logged in. I could check by trying to comment then deleting but if they noticed it'd only make it worse. But alright, you're right. I'll wait and see I guess.

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51184650]That's not how steam works I don't think. I've been blocked by people still in my list before. Plus it shows the same when I'm not logged in. I could check by trying to comment then deleting but if they noticed it'd only make it worse. But alright, you're right. I'll wait and see I guess.[/QUOTE] I have people blocked on steam, still show up on each others friend lists. [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51184658]I go offline on steam for days at a time because I either am not in the mood to chat or am embarrassed how much I'm playing games[/QUOTE] I also go offline if my CSGO buddies are online and I know they will pester me for a game and I just want to antisocially play age of empires by myself without the need to explain that to everyone

I just ignore invites or reply and say I'm not up for things, so I guess this is new to me. Sometimes I ignore then reply hours too late to excuse. Other times I just go with what the people want even if I'd rather do something else. I guess I'm just an idiot, and maybe a bit of a hypocrite for assuming the worst haha

I think after x amounts of times my co-worker asking me to walk her to her car taking the long route each time, I figured out I have no idea to take a hint.

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51184678]I guess I'm just an idiot, and maybe a bit of a hypocrite for assuming the worst haha[/QUOTE] You're totally missing my point if you're still acting like being blocked is the "worst" thing that could happen. It doesn't matter at all. You haven't completely ruined this girl's life by getting her free shit. Don't hold your breath on her getting back to you. You're not doing yourself any favors. Assume it's over and move on.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51184871]You're totally missing my point if you're still acting like being blocked is the "worst" thing that could happen. It doesn't matter at all. You haven't completely ruined this girl's life by getting her free shit. Don't hold your breath on her getting back to you. You're not doing yourself any favors. Assume it's over and move on.[/QUOTE] I'm not even blocked dude I'm talking about assuming she's terrified of me

[QUOTE]Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, [B]She prob likes you[/B][/QUOTE] nope.

You're completely missing my concern, and quite possibly the story by the sound of it edit: I'm almost insulted by this. I say I think I scared a friend due to their social anxiety I've known about for a year, and she's set to offline for days but hasn't done anything yet, you say "she doesn't want to date you, forget about being blocked", and no matter how many times I correct that and try to get across that I got what I needed by saying "thanks everybody I'm good now" you keep reviving this with this scenario you've fabricated. I didn't come here to be accused of wanting to force myself on a friend, I came here seeking advice about what to do if suspecting a friend is afraid, and the obvious answer [i]is[/i] leave them alone but the problem is I was thinking my presence alone may be bothering them and since they also have issues with abandonment I can't just simply remove myself for them. I've already found the solution: forget about it, wait it out. I've also thought it over and its likely its not even me they're going dark over, and the only reason I had a cause to think it was about me was because when I first met them I said hi and they froze up in fear and it weirded me out. I'm not blocked, I'm not trying to hook up with her, I'm not trying to date her, I've already got the advice I needed, so just drop it. Misrepresenting my situation like this is just causing me needless frustration.

[QUOTE=VenomousBeetle;51184878]I'm not even blocked dude I'm talking about assuming she's terrified of me[/QUOTE] Even if she is, that's her problem, not yours. And I'm only speaking anecdotally here, but most people I know who have been through trauma would not appreciate being patronized and coddled like they can't handle their own problems.

How do I loosen up? Every time I'm in any type of social situation, I tend to act way too tense and I'm just unable to have fun. I also can't really hold a conversation with anyone but a few close friends and small talk seems like a foreign concept to me.