Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=NixNax123;51193886]i meant that in a more general sense, not that you seemed pissy. "chill out" as in don't overthink things, and just let people be. like with texting, don't put that much thought into it. just use it as a tool to set up dates (and don't spend too much time shooting the shit, chances are she'll will have girlfriends she does that with already).[/QUOTE] Ah yes I see, my bad. I tend to overthink things a lot even when I tell myself not to, so same situation here of course. But anyway yeah I did use texting as a tool to set up the date; first message I sent was basically laying the brickwork for the date. If I'm going to shoot the shit with someone I'd prefer it be in person after all. It's just that the sudden silence in the middle of it all threw me off. Oh and frankly I think I kinda made the consecutive texts thing sound a lot cringier than they really were, given how the first one actually got a positive response outta' her and the second time was just something along the lines of "Friday good??", but it doesn't matter, she just lost interest. Like Pascall said, people are people and people can say no at any moment or change their mind or decide that they're not super fond of you. But uhhhh yeah, lesson of the day learned. Silence is golden, no more double texts no matter what. I'll be easing off, especially in future situations. Thanks for the advice.

There was [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWPbObQYyhw]this scene[/url] in Louie that I saw when I was dealing with a breakup of my own that really resonated with me. "Misery is wasted on the miserable."

At the very least if you double text, do it days after the previous texts and just be straight to the point if you weren't before.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51194148]You can't really control your emotions. What you do have control over is your behavior. All of us have the ability to behave in spite of our emotions - we can put ourselves in daunting situations in spite of intense fear, or we can convince ourselves to get out of bed and go to work in the morning even when we feel tired of life. Having that self-discipline to keep going despite what your emotions are saying can be very empowering - bad feelings might be uncomfortable, but they can't ruin your life if you don't hand them the reins. Your ability to care about people and forgive them is a trait I constantly strive to have and I think you should be proud of it. Moving on isn't something you can judge so quickly and easily as though it were a contest. Leaving a relationship with hate and contempt in your heart is no better than walking away from it sad and disappointed. It also isn't a bad thing to be moved and affected by a relationship that has ended. I would say that experiencing that heartbreak is a sign that the relationship was one worth having to begin with.[/QUOTE] I agree. Yeah exactly, that's what I am doing, it's not controlling my life. It has potential to, but it's not controlling everything - it just stops me from getting out there on the dating scene, but I don't want to anyway, so the emotion isn't controlling my life, and it does feel super empowering :smile: I sometimes feel proud to have it, I see it as not that big a deal of a trait because I tend to assume everyone else can do the same, or at least is capable - I guess that's a slight downside to it, I shouldn't assume things. Other times, such as this one, it really does hold me back. I agree, though because they hated me, it makes it slightly easier for them to move on because they no longer had feelings of positivity towards me. I have a mixture, I can see the relationship and its errors for what they were rather than trying to make it seem worse than it was. We had a decent relationship, things just got a bit complicated, and it became toxic. We needed a break, but not a permanent one - in my opinion at least, but there's nothing I can do about that now. I forgive them for everything. I just hope they can do the same for me, so they can be truly happy again. I see no point holding resentment as it wastes so much emotional energy which could be doing good things rather than holding an ancient grudge on someone who made a mistake - we all make mistakes, we are human after all and I find it hypocritical for people who are unforgiving to not forgive others because they are human too, and make mistakes too. It really was worth having... I don't regret anything - aside from the fact that we didn't try harder to make it work (both sides). There were errors on both sides, I see us as equal (or close to). It's just a massive shame it didn't work out. Definitely worth my time. Despite his flaws, he was a great person. Thank you so much for all this advice and chat by the way! :smile:

I think that your ability to forgive and hold no ill will toward your ex sets you further ahead than you might think in moving past your relationship. I completely agree with what you said about holding grudges being a waste of energy - I think a lot of people resort to it because it is easier in the short term to view yourself as a victim, but in the long term it is more harm than help. It sounds like you have things figured out and are handling the breakup very maturely. I'm happy I could be of some help!

[QUOTE=1nfiniteseed;51194193]At the very least if you double text, do it days after the previous texts and just be straight to the point if you weren't before.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I waited 2 days before I did a double text. I think I just worded things bad and made it sound like I sent them in closer proximity to each other. I'd never send a double text within the span of a day, I've seen enough cringe text stories to know better than that.

Dating outside your religion. Doable or generally not going to work out? I mean like Atheist/Christian, etc.

I'm technically a christian and i'm dating a wiccan so i mean it works you just have to acknowledge that there might be family tension? i don't personally have any problems with it and neither does she

[QUOTE=OvB;51195398]Dating outside your religion. Doable or generally not going to work out? I mean like Atheist/Christian, etc.[/QUOTE] It's absolutely doable. Personally, I'm agnostic and I used to have a rather condescending view of religion. I've taken some courses on religious philosophy in college and have come to realize that a lot of theists actually have very intelligent and well-thought-out perspectives on their religion. There is a girl in my philosophy of religion class who identifies as Muslim but has stated that she does not believe any of the "mythology" presented in the Quran. I also have known plenty of atheists who have bashed religion without addressing the logical arguments for it. Whether someone identifies as religious or not says almost nothing about what their beliefs actually are or how much thought they have put into them.

I think it also depends on how important religion is to each person. I personally think it's a really dull subject, I hardly ever think about it, and I never even want to tell people I'm atheist or agnostic or christian or whatever because the idea of getting into a conversation about it is just excruciating to me. So I think it would be difficult for me to date a really passionate Christian or a really passionate atheist, or anything along those lines. I don't care if somebody is Hindu, Satanist, Buddhist, whatever the hell, as long as it doesn't negatively affect my life.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;51193292]I've been doing the tinder for about 8 months on and off. Some stats for me so far: 16 matches 1 match was a bot 3 of them I didn't talk to at all (had second thoughts after matching) 4 of them actually exchanged a few messages with me (and half of them were the first to message) 1 of those 4 actually seemed interested in a date, then went dark as soon as I suggested exchanging numbers 1 of those 4 told me she wanted to hook up, then went dark as soon as I said I was on board 8 of them I messaged once and got no kind of response whatsoever. [editline]12th October 2016[/editline] I don't know if I'm just bad at talking to people online or what but I have not been able to meet one person from tinder. But the girls who show interest in me irl seem to practically throw themselves at me, and then my struggle is just to go ahead and act on the really obvious signs they give me and not come off totally oblivious. The last girl I was with eventually just said to me one night "we should make out" and that was the first sign I actually picked up on. And a girl at my new job seems interested in me. There are lots of little things, like how she'll always smile when she notices me, and makes it a point to find me and talk every time we work together, and once asked me to stay late so she could spend more time with me (not that I was able) and told me the other day that she was really sad the past few days because I wasn't at work with her, and she missed me. I'll probably try and ask her out next time I see her. Or at least get her number or something. I know everyone will rightfully say it's a bad idea to get involved with a coworker, I've even been there and done that and it went pretty horribly last time. But this is just a part-time side job for me to get a little extra money, and I can absolutely afford to quit it if drama arises. At this point in my life I'm way more interested in making friends (especially if one turns into a girlfriend) than I am in holding onto this half-decent job.[/QUOTE] What's your profile look like, or is it just an area thing for you? cause I got around 20 matches in 2 days and I swipe selectively. Though I can't hold a conversation with anyone v:v:v Also same thing at work, I work as a busser when I have the same shift as this girl so I'm tired as fuck by the end of it, but she always wants to talk to me and know about my day and I'm feeling way too tired to talk. It wasn't until like a few shifts later I understood she was interested in me.

So ive been with my gf for 7 months and over the past 2 minths ive been losong interest. Sex feelsa like a chore and i just wanna spend time by myself. She loves me more than anything else in the world and i dont want to hurt her, but i have a feeling its going to happen eventually im just waiting for the right time to break up. We also live together and i dont want to kick her out. [editline]13th October 2016[/editline] Im just feeling really down about it, its always on my mind and ive started smoking again

I'm recently out of a 3 year or so relationship, got a match on Tinder with a girl who seemed pretty eager to talk and make plans, we quickly made some plans to go see a movie tomorrow evening. Only problem is I'm suddenly having second thoughts. I think I'm being silly maybe and should just do it, so if nothing else I can just get out and be with people since I've been very alone and solitary since the breakup. Any quick thoughts? I've never been on a date really so I'm kind of nervous about all this general.

[QUOTE=Guzbone;51197022]I'm recently out of a 3 year or so relationship, got a match on Tinder with a girl who seemed pretty eager to talk and make plans, we quickly made some plans to go see a movie tomorrow evening. Only problem is I'm suddenly having second thoughts. I think I'm being silly maybe and should just do it, so if nothing else I can just get out and be with people since I've been very alone and solitary since the breakup. Any quick thoughts? I've never been on a date really so I'm kind of nervous about all this general.[/QUOTE] youre just being nervous, you're never going to get over that unless you take the plunge and just do it.

well wait when was the breakup? how long ago?

so uh a girl in my class just asked me out to coffee~ i don't know her TOO well, we've talked several times but I'm totally interested. neither of us gave a time, so how soon should it be? any tips? [sp]other than don't do what i did last time[/sp]

[QUOTE=austin0331;51197995]so uh a girl in my class just asked me out to coffee~ i don't know her TOO well, we've talked several times but I'm totally interested. neither of us gave a time, so how soon should it be? any tips? [sp]other than don't do what i did last time[/sp][/QUOTE] Maintain a conversation, tell a few jokes, be casual. Also, since you don't know here, ask her questions about herself

I think I've worked out why I'm finding being here at uni so hard: I'm no longer the centre of attention. How do I get over this shit?

[QUOTE=Rossy167;51199060]I think I've worked out why I'm finding being here at uni so hard: I'm no longer the centre of attention. How do I get over this shit?[/QUOTE] Well, there's no instant cure. It'll take time to adjust.

So my new contract lands me with loads of free time which is great, I normally get home from my shift about midday and I have all day to do what I want. It's been a few months now and I'm running out of things to do daily, it's getting damn boring and thinking of going back to a 9-5 shift. Anyone else work early shifts? What are you guys doing with your spare time?

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;51197211]well wait when was the breakup? how long ago?[/QUOTE] Well, officially it was in roughly late July of 2015. When we actually stopped being a couple and started actually dealing with being apart would be mid June of this year. There was a lot of confusion around our breakup between us because it was caused by myself not really understanding my feelings, which lead to a weird super flawed FWB relationship being made that we both stuck to but we still hung out and talked and did all the stuff we did before just ~not romantically~ which was a big joke overall. I don't think I'm necessarily completely over her yet if that's what you're getting at, pretty sure I genuinely loved her for a long time but I know it's time to move on now. Update: She's cancelled because her best friend is apparently having a baby today but she seemed pretty eager to setup another date though we haven't done it yet. At least the nerves are gone for now, haha.

[QUOTE=Jame's;51199198]So my new contract lands me with loads of free time which is great, I normally get home from my shift about midday and I have all day to do what I want. It's been a few months now and I'm running out of things to do daily, it's getting damn boring and thinking of going back to a 9-5 shift. Anyone else work early shifts? What are you guys doing with your spare time?[/QUOTE] work out, ride a bike, play video games... what kind of stuff are you interested in?

I made an OkCupid account, because I really want to meet someone, but I'm too anxious to just go out and try to meet people. Plus, I wouldn't even know where to look. What should I say to girls when I first send a message to them? So far I've just been saying "hey" and asking them a question about college or books they've read. I'm afraid I won't get any responses back.

[QUOTE=Jrose14;51200225]I made an OkCupid account, because I really want to meet someone, but I'm too anxious to just go out and try to meet people. Plus, I wouldn't even know where to look. What should I say to girls when I first send a message to them? So far I've just been saying "hey" and asking them a question about college or books they've read. I'm afraid I won't get any responses back.[/QUOTE] that won't get you anywhere. think of it this way-- the guy to girl ratio on OKC may as well be 10:1. your messages, especially to girls who moderately appealing, are probably going to be one in a hundred. you're going to actually have to put effort into appearing interesting if you want replies back-- talk about something that they're genuinely interested in [I]and[/I] you're capable of relating to. and if there's no common interests between the two of you, you probably have better people to be talking to in the first place

[QUOTE=Monkah;51200291]that won't get you anywhere. think of it this way-- the guy to girl ratio on OKC may as well be 10:1. your messages, especially to girls who moderately appealing, are probably going to be one in a hundred. you're going to actually have to put effort into appearing interesting if you want replies back-- talk about something that they're genuinely interested in [I]and[/I] you're capable of relating to. and if there's no common interests between the two of you, you probably have better people to be talking to in the first place[/QUOTE] I'll do my best.

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