Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=puppy156;48675900]Had to cut it off with my boyfriend, he was more of a downer than someone I'd want to be around. I felt like crap when I was around him all the time because of his moments where he was like an emotional roller coaster, it dragged both of us down more and more each day. I feel like shit now though, he tried but he just got angry all the time, then sad at random times, and it was just all too much for me.[/QUOTE] No one can blame or shame you for not being able to handle him. He will have to figure things out on his own and seek professional help. I've been struggling with depression for years, and I can't even begin to know how much I put my Ex through. But, thanks to my current girlfriend, I'm so much happier. Focus on your own happiness. Go out with friends, chill out and relax at home. Do what you enjoy doing.

Is it common for a girl to have her feelings for a guy change overnight? The girl I asked out and with whom I had a great connection was very excited about it and apparently "in love" with me but yesterday it seems like it stopped suddenly according to her. She said there was no "spark" to it anymore. I just don't understand what happened.

Some impulsive people just get over enthusiastic about others. Yes it's possible. I am like that. The only difference is that l don't say stupid shit like "l'm in love" to someone l'm interested in. At least not so soon.

Sounds like she had infatuation for you, then possibly just lost her flow of passion. There are plenty more fish in the sea, keep on fishing!

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48677543]Some impulsive people just get over enthusiastic about others. Yes it's possible. I am like that. The only difference is that l don't say stupid shit like "l'm in love" to someone l'm interested in. At least not so soon.[/QUOTE] For her defense it's the first time she's experienced anything like that, I suppose she's rather confused about her emotions. Girls only schools really are a terrible concept, I don't really know why they're still around. I guess we'll just keep being friends, I still care about her and I think I got over it now. It's probably best that it happened sooner rather than later anyway. [editline]14th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Jho;48677571]Sounds like she had infatuation for you, then possibly just lost her flow of passion. There are plenty more fish in the sea, keep on fishing![/QUOTE] I get what you're saying but engineering schools aren't exactly the land of opportunity. I don't really feel like competing with 4 other guys to have a chance at a girl.

[QUOTE=_Axel;48677654] I get what you're saying but engineering schools aren't exactly the land of opportunity. [B]I don't really feel like competing with 4 other guys to have a chance at a girl.[/B][/QUOTE] How do you expect to ever talk to a girl if that's the mindset you have? You shouldn't think of it in a negative aspect. Talk to any girl you have interest in, you never know where it will go. There's one thing that is always 100% though and that's you won't get anything if you don't try. Don't give up just because one girl lost interest.

[QUOTE=Exigent;48677721]How do you expect to ever talk to a girl if that's the mindset you have? You shouldn't think of it in a negative aspect. Talk to any girl you have interest in, you never know where it will go. There's one thing that is always 100% though and that's you won't get anything if you don't try. Don't give up just because one girl lost interest.[/QUOTE] You're right, I didn't have a chance at that one girl by being passive, I don't know why I'm being so pessimistic right now.

Is it too soon to ask a girl to a movie if you've been messaging for just over an hour? She said she wanted to see this movie, should I ask if she wants to see it with me?

[QUOTE=crazykyle16;48678983]Is it too soon to ask a girl to a movie if you've been messaging for just over an hour? She said she wanted to see this movie, should I ask if she wants to see it with me?[/QUOTE] dating someone that soon is against the geneva conventions and if you go through with it you'll be tried as a dating criminal in The Hague in all seriousness - what would your fearless super-gregarious idealized self do?

[QUOTE=crazykyle16;48678983]Is it too soon to ask a girl to a movie if you've been messaging for just over an hour? She said she wanted to see this movie, should I ask if she wants to see it with me?[/QUOTE] Her telling you that she wanted to see a movie is basically her asking you to take her.

Went for it and have a date for Tuesday. Hype.

my man

First day of school today! Someone stole my umbrella and I felt lonely again after three months of feeling absolutely great alone! I had forgot how [I]fun[/I] it all is.

[QUOTE=crazykyle16;48678983]Is it too soon to ask a girl to a movie if you've been messaging for just over an hour? She said she wanted to see this movie, should I ask if she wants to see it with me?[/QUOTE] You're the only one who knows the answer to that question. We don't know her and there's no recipe for what girls like and don't like. I don'think watching a movie is something that out of the ordinary.

[QUOTE=_Axel;48677453]Is it common for a girl to have her feelings for a guy change overnight? The girl I asked out and with whom I had a great connection was very excited about it and apparently "in love" with me but yesterday it seems like it stopped suddenly according to her. She said there was no "spark" to it anymore. I just don't understand what happened.[/QUOTE] This same thing happened with me a month ago. I had been flirting with this girl all summer and we were really excited to date, even kissed a little bit but then our first date got cancelled because her sister had a baby and she came back and told me she just "wasn't feeling it anymore". God, that really sucked. Although now, a month later, we got to talking again and we're actually together now because she realized she was just confused about her feelings with me and realized she was throwing away something with great potential. So maybe it'll work out. But I think mine is sort of a fringe case and you should start looking for other girls. If she changes her mind, she will let you know.

SO I just wanted to thank you guys, a couple of months ago in a different thread you guys gave me advice about a girl. That girl and I got engaged and moved to Washington state together. This may be the only time I saw this but I really owe it to you guys and the advice from facepunch.

I shed a tear. We make dreams come true, guys... we make dreams come true...

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;48681197]This same thing happened with me a month ago. I had been flirting with this girl all summer and we were really excited to date, even kissed a little bit but then our first date got cancelled because her sister had a baby and she came back and told me she just "wasn't feeling it anymore". God, that really sucked. Although now, a month later, we got to talking again and we're actually together now because she realized she was just confused about her feelings with me and realized she was throwing away something with great potential. So maybe it'll work out. But I think mine is sort of a fringe case and you should start looking for other girls. If she changes her mind, she will let you know.[/QUOTE] Well she's kind of weird as well in a way, but I'm not letting my hopes up. I think after a week or two I'll have recovered and we'll be able to resume being friends, if it evolves again from that point on I'll be happy to build a relationship with her but I'm not gonna count on that.

-snip-

Uh what. I already went on a date with her.

I was just kidding up there. But seriously. It seems you just gave up like that. You say she lost interest too. At least apparently. But you didn't even try to pick things back up where you left with her. Sometimes the opposite sex needs some reassurance. They need to know if their feelings are being put on worthy people, and with the conversation you're coming up here now, it seems like you just interpreted it all as she losing interest and you didn't even fight for her. You were just like "meh, she changed her feelings, I guess. That's ok, I guess.". Like what the fuck is that? Seriously. Can you say with 100% sure that she's just not insecure about you or a relationship? Just go talk to her. Go out with her. I don't know, whatever you know works best with her. I mean you're friends, right?

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48683255]I was just kidding up there. But seriously. It seems you just gave up like that. You say she lost interest too. At least apparently. But you didn't even try to pick things back up where you left with her. Sometimes the opposite sex needs some reassurance. They need to know if their feelings are being put on worthy people, and with the conversation you're coming up here now, it seems like you just interpreted it all as she losing interest and you didn't even fight for her. You were just like "meh, she changed her feelings, I guess. That's ok, I guess.". Like what the fuck is that? Seriously. Can you say with 100% sure that she's just not insecure about you or a relationship? [/QUOTE] No no no that's not what happened at all. What happened was that she said during the date that she didn't feel she was ready to be in a relationship, and later on she said she's confused, but she thinks her feelings towards me are more that of a best friend now than before, when it was closer to love. She actually felt terribly guilty for this which is why I tried to reassure her by saying she probably has a hard time interpreting her emotions. In any case, she stated clearly that she took her decision not to be in a relationship and I don't think trying to argue against it is going to do me any favors. That doesn't prevent her from changing her mind later on but right now I don't think it would be good for me to force my way in. [QUOTE]Just go talk to her. Go out with her. I don't know, whatever you know works best with her. I mean you're friends, right?[/QUOTE] Yeah, that's planned already. She was the one who insisted we keep seeing each other in the first place. Regardless of the nature of her affection, she seems to be emotionally attached to me. But there's no guarantee it'll evolve past that and I'm in no position to make a move myself. I'll just have to wait and see whether her feelings evolve but that doesn't mean I'll sever all contact. I'll keep seeing her in other context.

Well I'm sorry I had misinterpreted things, then. Must have confused myself reading all the way down. I just find this "date" thing a bit confusing. I mean, did you guys talk about having a relationship on a date? How exactly did you put it out? Did you say you had feelings for her or just talked about having a relationship with her? Anyway. Ok I understand where you're at now. Sorry for the confusion. Well, I'd say you have to look at yourself and decide what you wanna do. I mean you clearly like her and would want a shot with her. And she's telling you she doesn't want a relationship (ok, I get it) but at the same time wants more than best friends. So what's stopping you two from becoming more than best friends then? Correct me if I'm wrong but I have a feeling you're missing something along the path between dating and having a relationship. Romance is spontaneous. You either kiss or you tell the other person your feelings, there's not really much to it. Love is often confused with Romance. Love is not just something you feel, but something you build with the person you're already with. It takes months, years until it gets strong. I'm not saying to reason with her into a relationship, but jeez, keep on dating with her. Tell her what you feel and ask her that question with real conviction: "If you want us to be more than friends, then what's stopping us?". Cause seriously? Does it imply immediately jumping into a relationship? Me and my current girlfriend started like that. And she told me the same this girl is telling you. Gosh she was even in a 2 year relationship with another guy. Sure we had some stresses and fights along the way with all our uncertainties and ignorance of what a relationship is really all about, but if I hadn't fought for her, I wouldn't be with the great girl I am with today.

Just a clarification, she didn't say she wanted to be more than best friend, she actually doesn't know whether she sees me as more than a best friend or not. Sorry if that was unclear.

[QUOTE=_Axel;48683359] Yeah, that's planned already. She was the one who insisted we keep seeing each other in the first place. Regardless of the nature of her affection, she seems to be emotionally attached to me. But there's no guarantee it'll evolve past that and [B]I'm in no position to make a move myself[/B]. I'll just have to wait and see whether her feelings evolve but that doesn't mean I'll sever all contact. I'll keep seeing her in other context.[/QUOTE] That's where you're wrong. You are in the position. This isn't a ball game. There is no "ball in her court" and you should abandon this idea of waiting for her to make a move. It's not a role playing game and that way you might risk watching her drift away. Of course what I'm saying doesn't imply staying away from her. I'm sure you have something really beautiful going on there, she relies on you and you rely on her. So keep that in mind. But Jesus, just be honest with yourself here. Be honest with her. You can't wait forever for her, as you sure already thought about. But don't think there's nothing you can do. Don't take this the wrong way but sometimes a guy needs to grow some balls. [editline]15th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=_Axel;48683495]Just a clarification, she didn't say she wanted to be more than best friend, she actually doesn't know whether she sees me as more than a best friend or not. Sorry if that was unclear.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=_Axel;48683359] but she thinks her feelings towards me are more that of a best friend now than before,.[/QUOTE] dude, which one is it then? I'm not following... She thinks or she doesn't know? Those mean completely different things.

The questions you're advising me to ask I already asked during that date, whatever's stopping her, whether it be the fear of being in a relationship or the uncertainty about her feelings towards me, it didn't work out. One parameter I didn't bring up here is the fact she has a rather intense workload at school, which may have had a hand at it too. [editline]15th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48683521]dude, which one is it then? I'm not following... She thinks or she doesn't know? Those mean completely different things.[/QUOTE] She's unsure but it goes more towards friendship according to her. Then again perhaps she only says she's unsure because she's afraid of hurting me. [editline]15th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48683521]That's where you're wrong. You are in the position. This isn't a ball game. There is no "ball in her court" and you should abandon this idea of waiting for her to make a move. It's not a role playing game and that way you might risk watching her drift away. Of course what I'm saying doesn't imply staying away from her. I'm sure you have something really beautiful going on there, she relies on you and you rely on her. So keep that in mind. But Jesus, just be honest with yourself here. Be honest with her. You can't wait forever for her, as you sure already thought about. But don't think there's nothing you can do. Don't take this the wrong way but sometimes a guy needs to grow some balls.[/QUOTE] I'll keep that in mind. But really one thing that concerns me is that the line between being ballsy and being downright irritating and clingy can be blurry sometimes and I don't want to cross it.

Do what you think it's best really. This is about what you want, I'm not going to tell you what to do from that point. If you think it's wiser to abandon the idea of a relationship for the sake of insecurity, workload, whatever. That's really up to you. There are a lot of women out there. But if you really want to, I'm just giving you something here for you to think about. I mean. She can't put you on a passive position forever. She hasn't told you yes but she hasn't told you no either. So... it's like "I want to but I can't". I know she doesn't mean to hurt you but she's keeping you close just in case. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Because I don't know her and I don't know you. I'm just giving you something to think about as I believe, knowing her, you'll know what will be the best course of action. I rather have people living their own lives and learning from their mistakes and fortunes, than shoving my advice down your throat. Call me naive, but from personal experience. I believe it's always worth it to fight for someone a bit more. Even if it doesn't work with some people.

Forgot this snippet here: [QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48683476]I just find this "date" thing a bit confusing. I mean, did you guys talk about having a relationship on a date? How exactly did you put it out? Did you say you had feelings for her or just talked about having a relationship with her?[/QUOTE] She was the one who brought up her concerns about relationships, I simply asked her out. Though I'm not really sure what the distinction is between being "more than friends" and being in a relationship?

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48683717]Do what you think it's best really. This is about what you want, I'm not going to tell you what to do from that point. If you think it's wiser to abandon the idea of a relationship for the sake of insecurity, workload, whatever. That's really up to you. There are a lot of women out there. But if you really want to, I'm just giving you something here for you to think about. I mean. She can't put you on a passive position forever. She hasn't told you yes but she hasn't told you no either. So... it's like "I want to but I can't". I know she doesn't mean to hurt you but she's keeping you close just in case. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Because I don't know her and I don't know you. I'm just giving you something to think about as I believe, knowing her, you'll know what will be the best course of action. I rather have people living their own lives and learning from their mistakes and fortunes, than shoving my advice down your throat. Call me naive, but from personal experience. I believe it's always worth it to fight for someone a bit more. Even if it doesn't work with some people.[/QUOTE] Sure, I'll see what I can do from there. We're planning to see each other regularly, as friends or otherwise, so that should give me plenty of opportunities if I feel the need to seize them. Thanks for the advice, in any case.

[QUOTE=_Axel;48683718]Forgot this snippet here: She was the one who brought up her concerns about relationships, I simply asked her out. Though I'm not really sure what the distinction is between being "more than friends" and being in a relationship?[/QUOTE] Well, I asked that because me and my girlfriend used to be friends for years. And this reminded me of when we started dating and I told her about my feelings. And I immediately thought about having a "relationship". A commitment. And from my experience it was a mistake because I thought that it was just a small step from friends to lovers. But it has more to it than that. The way I see it. And I mean this if you're aiming to build a strong relationship with her, is that first of all you guys shouldn't be even talking about a "relationship" so soon after just a handful of dates. It's not a contract. You should be enjoying yourselves together romantically, flirting before even thinking about it.