Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

So i may or may not be drunk rn but im in college and i met this cute girl about a week ago at a party and it turns out we live in the same building. I never see her around but we're friends on snap. I wanna get her number but i literally never see her its weird. I saw her at a party today and talked to her a little bit but then my upperclassmen swooped me away and i didnt see her for the rest of the night. In my current state of mind should i just snap her and try and ask her out in person or should i just try and get her number

[QUOTE=titopei;48709165]So i may or may not be drunk rn but im in college and i met this cute girl about a week ago at a party and it turns out we live in the same building. I never see her around but we're friends on snap. I wanna get her number but i literally never see her its weird. I saw her at a party today and talked to her a little bit but then my upperclassmen swooped me away and i didnt see her for the rest of the night. In my current state of mind should i just snap her and try and ask her out in person or should i just try and get her number[/QUOTE] Say to her: "It was nice seeing you at [that person]'s party the other day - shame we didn't get much chance to chat. It was great chatting about [what ever you were chatting about], I was wondering if could have your number". Asking for her number is a clear sign of interest - if she gives you it then you can chat for a bit then ask her for coffee/whatever to see if she wants to take it further. If she doesn't give you her number then she's not interested. And face to face is always better then over messages - even if it's more nerve racking. Asking for a girls number shows self-confidence which is never a bad thing.

I can admit that I've been through a number of failed relationships. With my recent ex, we moved in relatively soon with each other. Needless to say, this lead to arguments and bad communication on both our sides. We both fought to stay in the relationship for a number of months before all hell broke out and it ended. Near the end of the relationships, I started talking to one of my ex's whom I was hoping it would work out with. He was very accepting to the idea of me still having feelings for him, despite the fact that he had a girlfriend. This recent last month has been really hard for me. I had to move out of that house, in to my parents and find a new place to live. The communication between the two of us didn't last very long. About a week ago, I ran in to someone who I was friends with from high school. We had only been friends before and the last time we had talked (8+ months ago) he had told me how much he liked me. At that time, I was not ready for a relationship and could only offer him friendship. When I saw him again, we hit it off right away. He told me that his feelings for me had not gone away, and that he really hadn't been with anyone since then. We are now officially dating <3 Of course, right as this happens the ex I was talking to messages me. I did the right thing, and told him we would no longer be talking that way. I felt so proud in that moment - because I was refusing to be the second best. I have someone, who even in my weird and crazy high school days, wants me for me! It feels amazing, and I just wanted to share that feeling with everyone. I am now moving in to a house with really cool roommates, and have this amazing future to look forward with my new boyfriend!

How likely is it for a guy in military uniform to get canned at 5:30 in the morning at a train station asking a woman out for coffee sometime?

What the hell does getting canned mean.

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;48720166]What the hell does getting canned mean.[/QUOTE] It means losing your job or position but I think he means getting rejected, maybe that's how they use it in Austria?

So theres this girl i know that is great to be around and lately weve been messing with eachother while working (i know dont date at work, but the main reason my last experience pissed me off was because she was crazy as hell and didnt give me a straigh up answer because she wanted free shit, unlike this other girl whos much more positive and much more conservative in affection) (also iznt sleeping with my boss for promotions). Anyway, we have been getting along great and im thinking of taking her to a vegan pizza joint (due to her being a vegetarian and hating coffee) but i kinda want to test the waters by asking for her number. But i don't know how to approach without sounding creepy or forceful.

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;48720271]It means losing your job or position but I think he means getting rejected, maybe that's how they use it in Austria?[/QUOTE] Sorta yeah.

Theres this one girl that Ive loved for the longest time, I took the chance of asking her out last year, but obv, she says she dosent like me that way. Its been a year and a half, and I've gotten to be good friends with her, but I still love her. She gets all defensive when she see's another girl flirting with me, even though I'm not taking it. She say's she dosent love me, but i'm not sure. I don't know if I should wait this out, or just go for it and talk to her. Any advice?

Either try or take one of those flirts, there's no point in being friendzoned

[QUOTE=LennyPenny;48725742]Either try or take one of those flirts, there's no point in being friendzoned[/QUOTE] Kay, thanks.

[QUOTE=VanguardElite;48725474]Theres this one girl that Ive loved for the longest time, I took the chance of asking her out last year, but obv, she says she dosent like me that way. Its been a year and a half, and I've gotten to be good friends with her, but I still love her. She gets all defensive when she see's another girl flirting with me, even though I'm not taking it. She say's she dosent love me, but i'm not sure. I don't know if I should wait this out, or just go for it and talk to her. Any advice?[/QUOTE] how exactly are you 'in love' with her if you've never actually been together and she doesn't like you also she sounds petty and controlling how old are you both

[QUOTE=VanguardElite;48725474]Theres this one girl that Ive loved for the longest time, I took the chance of asking her out last year, but obv, she says she dosent like me that way. Its been a year and a half, and I've gotten to be good friends with her, but I still love her. She gets all defensive when she see's another girl flirting with me, even though I'm not taking it. She say's she dosent love me, but i'm not sure. I don't know if I should wait this out, or just go for it and talk to her. Any advice?[/QUOTE] You don't love her(yet) and she doesn't love you. That's called infatuation. Passion or whatever. Love is something you build with someone over time. You give love, you get love with your partner. That's not your case. I personally avoid giving "what to do" advice, but you already seem to have a plan that consists in talking to her again about it. Do what you think it's best. Worse that will happen is hearing a No again. From personal experience however, I've been in your shoes a couple of years ago with another girl. She used to send me signs that I interpreted as flirts. First time I opened up my feelings towards her - NO. We still talked, we were still friends. Second time - some years later, I kissed her out of the blue. It ended up in the most forced, cringeworthy 1 relationship of my life. It was so awkward that we stopped talking to each other for over a year. And we were friends back then. We only started talking again because, after this time I sent her a message on facebook apologizing for my behavior back then (because it was really bad), and she was nice enough to forgive and apologize back for anything she had done, and become once more available to being my friend again.

[QUOTE=Sector 7;48726369]how exactly are you 'in love' with her if you've never actually been together and she doesn't like you also she sounds petty and controlling how old are you both[/QUOTE] gonna guess 10th grade

I think I might have a problem. I've been meeting plenty of girls and have had chances with most of them, but when I've either gone on dates with them or even had attraction from her that's obvious to everyone, I most of the time don't really feel mutual. I don't know why, but a lot of the time I either don't feel strongly enough to the point where I would want to bother to move forward with it or even just hook up with her. I had a really bad relationship almost a year ago and while it was some what brief it kind of fucked me up a little bit and I think ever since I've been over protective of the girls I choose. It's starting to get on my nerves too. My friends are starting to give me shit for it and calling me a beta fag when I just don't feel as strongly about any of the girls I'm around. I'm also starting to feel like I'm letting myself down and blowing up opportunities with people. Am I being too picky? I feel like I'm in the wrong here...

[QUOTE=Paincake;48729732]I think I might have a problem. I've been meeting plenty of girls and have had chances with most of them, but when I've either gone on dates with them or even had attraction from her that's obvious to everyone, I most of the time don't really feel mutual. I don't know why, but a lot of the time I either don't feel strongly enough to the point where I would want to bother to move forward with it or even just hook up with her. I had a really bad relationship almost a year ago and while it was some what brief it kind of fucked me up a little bit and I think ever since I've been over protective of the girls I choose. It's starting to get on my nerves too. My friends are starting to give me shit for it and calling me a beta fag when I just don't feel as strongly about any of the girls I'm around. I'm also starting to feel like I'm letting myself down and blowing up opportunities with people. Am I being too picky? I feel like I'm in the wrong here...[/QUOTE] You're not in the wrong. I used to be in a god awful, abusive relationship myself. Even a year after it ended, the mental scars it gave and a lot of other life things drove me to try and take my own life. I knew I needed someone to love but, I was so scared of the same things happening again. After time passed, I'm finally with someone who I love to bits. Take your time, you'll find someone right for you eventually. Don't feel pressured to find someone. It's got to be something YOU want.

You're kind of forcing the dating issue in order to distract yourself from the breakup. You need some time, you need some "vacation" from dating. Sometimes our body and mind give us the signs that they aren't ready yet. Just take it easy. Usually dating isn't the imediate solution to unresolved love issues, although we sometimes think that dating other women is gonna solve everything. It often ends up in more frustration.

[QUOTE=Paincake;48729732]I think I might have a problem. I've been meeting plenty of girls and have had chances with most of them, but when I've either gone on dates with them or even had attraction from her that's obvious to everyone, I most of the time don't really feel mutual. I don't know why, but a lot of the time I either don't feel strongly enough to the point where I would want to bother to move forward with it or even just hook up with her. I had a really bad relationship almost a year ago and while it was some what brief it kind of fucked me up a little bit and I think ever since I've been over protective of the girls I choose. It's starting to get on my nerves too. My friends are starting to give me shit for it and calling me a beta fag when I just don't feel as strongly about any of the girls I'm around. I'm also starting to feel like I'm letting myself down and blowing up opportunities with people. Am I being too picky? I feel like I'm in the wrong here...[/QUOTE] Just relax and have fun man, nothing wrong with casual sex.

So i need some advice. I'm in a happy relationship (well, i think i am) I am with someone who's very good to me and my future looks really bright with him in it. We've been together for 2 years nearly now. He loves me unconditionally and he is the first relationship i have pretty much ever had. I'm happy with him, hes helped my social life, hes helped my confidence and we've been good together! And we are currently looking to moving in together sometime next year! He tells me im his everything and that we'll be together forever and its great to hear that. But i feel like i can't say it back and i don't know why. Like i do say it back to him but i think i say it back to him because thats what he wants to hear. I am a people pleaser, i always try to make people happy and HATE causing sadness for someone. What i want to know is if anybody has any advice for this issue im having of "meh" in my relationship. I find myself tolerating his drama and controlling personality less and less as time goes on. I'm a super relaxed and laid back person which is why i didn't do anything about it before. I know that i have issues too, im not perfect, im messy and lazy yet he loves that about me. Does this feeling eventually fade away? Im hoping it does. I also have an idea that this feeling is from jumping into a relationship too quickly. Once i came out the closet, i dated him and we just clicked straight away and it was great. I'd kill for some happy advice guys. Or brutally honest. I don't mind, im strong and can take it.

[QUOTE=greeley;48730614]And we are currently looking to moving in together sometime next year! He tells me im his everything and that we'll be together forever and its great to hear that.[/QUOTE] I tend to be suspicious of these sorts of statements because they're often either a precursor to naivete or controlling behavior, but I also am a bit biased regarding that. Using words like "forever" is enough to put anyone on edge - it's an indicator that the person will have a much harder time letting go if you were to realize you would be happier without them. [QUOTE=greeley;48730614]I find myself tolerating his drama and controlling personality less and less as time goes on. I'm a super relaxed and laid back person which is why i didn't do anything about it before. I know that i have issues too, im not perfect, im messy and lazy yet he loves that about me.[/QUOTE] It sounds like he's still infatuated with you and is idealizing you and your relationship right now. When you're infatuated with someone it's normal to see their flaws but either choose to ignore them or rationalize to yourself that they're endearing. Infatuation usually fades with time (can last up to 3 years IIRC) but I would suggest waiting to move in together until both of you have a more realistic view of each other. Once his feelings calm down a bit he might not be so keen on spending the rest of his life with you, either. [QUOTE=greeley;48730614]I also have an idea that this feeling is from jumping into a relationship too quickly. Once i came out the closet, i dated him and we just clicked straight away and it was great.[/QUOTE] It's normal for young adults to avoid settling down in order to explore their options first. You've already expressed that you're unhappy with your current relationship - if you choose to settle down with your current partner without ever dating anyone else, later you will probably feel a bit of regret for not exploring other options. [QUOTE=greeley;48730614]I'm in a happy relationship (well, i think i am)[/QUOTE] You said this for a reason. I think you should reconsider moving in with him when you're already unhappy with the relationship.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48730758]I tend to be suspicious of these sorts of statements because they're often either a precursor to naivete or controlling behavior, but I also am a bit biased regarding that. Using words like "forever" is enough to put anyone on edge - it's an indicator that the person will have a much harder time letting go if you were to realize you would be happier without them. It sounds like he's still infatuated with you and is idealizing you and your relationship right now. When you're infatuated with someone it's normal to see their flaws but either choose to ignore them or rationalize to yourself that they're endearing. Infatuation usually fades with time (can last up to 3 years IIRC) but I would suggest waiting to move in together until both of you have a more realistic view of each other. Once his feelings calm down a bit he might not be so keen on spending the rest of his life with you, either. It's normal for young adults to avoid settling down in order to explore their options first. You've already expressed that you're unhappy with your current relationship - if you choose to settle down with your current partner without ever dating anyone else, later you will probably feel a bit of regret for not exploring other options. You said this for a reason. I think you should reconsider moving in with him when you're already unhappy with the relationship.[/QUOTE] But. Heres the thing and i think i know the answer to it. Say hypothetically i break up with him, and i spend a good few months just having fun being single and enjoying life. Then i want to be in a relationship and keep finding these terrible people and regret leaving such a great guy. Basically that is my issue. I think that because i never sieved through the shit before meeting my current boyfriend, i don't realise that he is brilliant to me. I have nothing to compare him to. I feel like i'm just not appreciating him as much as i should be. We both have great jobs and we'd have such a good, stable future together. He is a brilliant guy and i honestly can't think of a better person to take his place. But because i can't compare him to exes, i can't see it properly.

Many people go through the same thought process when considering leaving their first partner. However, if you're only 2 years into a relationship, haven't moved in together yet, and are already admitting that you're unhappy with your partner and dislike aspects of his personality, then I can confidently say that you can do better. It's possible to be with someone for a long time and see their negative traits without it detracting from your love from them. In your case it sounds like maybe you two just aren't that compatible in terms of sustaining a relationship. If you want to continue the relationship then I would suggest working on your communication with him and seeing if any of your grievances can be fixed - relationships take work, and most couples encounter conflict like this at some point. What's important is that you actually address the conflict rather than avoiding it altogether. However, considering how things currently are with you two, I strongly recommend you don't move in with someone you're already unhappy with.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48730867]Many people go through the same thought process when considering leaving their first partner. However, if you're only 2 years into a relationship, haven't moved in together yet, and are already admitting that you're unhappy with your partner and dislike aspects of his personality, then I can confidently say that you can do better. It's possible to be with someone for a long time and see their negative traits without it detracting from your love from them. In your case it sounds like maybe you two just aren't that compatible in terms of sustaining a relationship. If you want to continue the relationship then I would suggest working on your communication with him and seeing if any of your grievances can be fixed - relationships take work, and most couples encounter conflict like this at some point. What's important is that you actually address the conflict rather than avoiding it altogether. However, considering how things currently are with you two, I strongly recommend you don't move in with someone you're already unhappy with.[/QUOTE] But thats the thing, im not UNHAPPY. I'm just not as happy as i thought i'd be. Movies, books, articles describe this word "love" as being this overwhelming thing that rushes through you like a lightning bolt. I don't know if i've experienced that, or if i have and just have a weird tolerance to it since im not really the emotional/romantic kind of person. I really admire and thankyou for your opinion and advice though. I hope i can get a few more opinions on this matter just so i can come to a conclusion.

Greeley. You have the same doubts as l have and as my girlfriend has too, and we talked about them too. And l think every one has them in a relationship. I agree that you should reconsider moving in. At least for now. But you are overthinking. I often think "is this the one?", "shouldn't l be single and enjoying the good things in life on my own first", "am l really going to put up with her faults forever". I'd say that he's being possessive and that's what's been keeping you on edge. He doesn't own you, and not moving in doesn't mean the end since he has no right pressuring you into it. However, you've been together for 2 years. You should be able, at this point, to say no when you need to without fear of damaging the relationship. Also don't be afraid to hurt him if you need to make important decisions with your life. From what l read you talk a lot about how he loves you and how you're afraid to hurt him, however you didn't say much about your feelings, only the relationship. Sometimes a relationship can bring great things. But it's not about the relationship. It's about the people in it. What do you feel for him, does this man complete you? It's been 2 years. At this stage you shouldn't be afraid to be honest about your feelings. I've been together with my girlfriend for much less than that. We had our fights, arguments, misunderstandings but at the end of the day we always managed to talk it through with raw sincerity. You are keeping your feelings for yourself out of fear of hurting him. And that weight is making you anxious. That's bad. He's a big boy, he can take a no. He can take a "not now" and he can take your life decisions.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48731027]Greeley. You have the same doubts as l have and as my girlfriend has too, and we talked about them too. And l think every one has them in a relationship. I agree that you should reconsider moving in. At least for now. But you are overthinking. I often think "is this the one?", "shouldn't l be single and enjoying the good things in life on my own first", "am l really going to put up with her faults forever". I'd say that he's being possessive and that's what's been keeping you on edge. He doesn't own you, and not moving in doesn't mean the end since he has no right pressuring you into it. However, you've been together for 2 years. You should be able, at this point, to say no when you need to without fear of damaging the relationship. Also don't be afraid to hurt him if you need to make important decisions with your life. From what l read you talk a lot about how he loves you and how you're afraid to hurt him, however you didn't say much about your feelings, only the relationship. Sometimes a relationship can bring great things. But it's not about the relationship. It's about the people in it. What do you feel for him, does this man complete you? It's been 2 years. At this stage you shouldn't be afraid to be honest about your feelings. I've been together with my girlfriend for much less than that. We had our fights, arguments, misunderstandings but at the end of the day we always managed to talk it through with raw sincerity. You are keeping your feelings for yourself out of fear of hurting him. And that weight is making you anxious. That's bad. He's a big boy, he can take a no. He can take a "not now" and he can take your life decisions.[/QUOTE] That is exactly what i needed to hear. Brilliant advice and i thank you very much for it! Like i said before, i don't do emotions or feelings much since i don't understand them so its hard for me to judge what im feeling or what i want to feel. But i feel a lot more positive. I'm going to give this relationship a good hard look for the next few months, and if i see that its not getting any better or my feelings are staying the same and its not just a random slip after something randomly triggering it. I'll give myself until christmas to sort myself out. Have a "me" session for a few months, get a few opinions from IRL friends too. Thanks guys, it means a lot that i can share this with you. I would have talked about this to him but obviously this topic is going to be a bit of a tough one for him since he is a key element and i need unbiased opinions that don't know me or what im like right now.

heh interesting. So on 12th September(Saturday) there was that russian-speaking-community meet up in a bar where one girl invited me. So today after we had our introduction presentation on my first day of uni we(me, her and a Lithuanian girl from her course) went out for the day and had a good time. Lithuanian girl left and that girl told me that she and her boyfriend broke up today, and it was weird to hear that because yesterday I randomly found them in McDonalds and they were all smiling and happy and everything. Also mentioned the fact that she wants me to meet her (female) friend that arrives in a couple of days, still curious and intrigued but cautios. So far first day was great, didn't get to know anyone new but don't really feel like it because a) I met a guy from my school I went to sixth form with b) spent an entire day with that russian-speaking girl alone(well Lithuanian one was on and off because she was at a bank and then had to go) and c) we didn't have lectures yet just a presentation about everything with 200+ people in the room.

What do you people think of winking? Like you see a person you've never met before but they seem and look nice and you decide to casually wink. Is that alright or is it a big fat no?

I've been dating this girl for almost a year now and I think I love her I mean I feel really strongly about her and can't stand to be apart and she's really great and gets me and is supportive and she's a good person but I keep having these urges. There's this girl I was friends with whom became close friends with me very quickly because we had very similar experiences and we could talk about anything and she has gotten extremely attractive more so than she already was. Lately I find myself fantasizing about her and not my girlfriend. I still am attracted to her and enjoy our sexual relationship and such and she's great but it's confusing to feel so strongly that I crave a sexual relationship with this girl and honestly if I wanted i could probably get it and we could hook up but it's so weird. I'm so at ends with it yet the thought of her and I is intense and intriguing to me but I really care about my girlfriend. I feel like a crazy asshole

Assuming your relationship is going well. It happens sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with you, because there's no way you can control your feelings towards other people. Now you should ask yourself, is it worth it to leave your current gilfriend for a potential hook up?

There is this girl who I have liked for a few years now, and I think I should finally attempt to ask her out as I will most likely feel like shit if I don't go through with it. Problem is: she has her eyes set on someone else, I am hilariously bad at conversations and I am afraid of ot being yet another awkward relationship, should I succeed. All of our conversations so far over the years have been rather short and awkward, so I have no idea how to go about this.