Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

I asked her out and she said yes We held hands and everything girls feel really soft softer than my tulpa by a lot

[QUOTE=lyna;48782156]So imma need your guys' opinion on if this chick likes me or not. Imma start from the beginning so bear with me. I met her in math class, but we only just exchanged names or whatever and did a bit of small talk. During the class we were separated into groups and I wasn't put into her group so we didn't talk during class at all. I expected to never actually talk to her again, but after class she was there waiting for me, so I got her number and we went to get lunch together. After that I walked her to her next class, and during the walk she mentioned not wanting us to drift apart in case I met her friends. Later that day we were gonna get dinner together but it was very crowded so we decided to just go on a walk. During the walk she told me how fun it is to spend time with me and how she feels like she's known me for much longer than just one day. At the end of our quite long walk, I was going to get some food (she didn't want any) and she told me that she wanted to pay for me cause of how much fun she had with me. I declined cause I think that's hella weird. I'm not going to go into details of the next few days but we've been spending a lot of time together and going on walks and exploring the campus. She constantly compliments me about how nice and kind and smart I am. Yesterday she told me that she visited my room to surprise me but I wasn't there (I was in the shower). We also went on a fairly long walk yesterday across the beach, and she was constantly telling me how happy she was to meet me and how much she likes spending time with me. Today during lunch she told me that she wants to start introducing me as her friend from childhood (even though we've known each other for like 3 days lmao) So I don't get it is she being just really nice to me or does she maybe like me? I have no prior experiences with girls and in high school i avoided girls like the plague, so this is really new to me. She's qt and likes anime btw so if she does like me it's like a gold mine that I've stumbled upon[/QUOTE] She OBVIOUSLY likes you. 100%. Don't wait for the perfect moment, take control of the moment. Hold her hand, hug, go for a kiss. You'll probably make her even happier :) edit: ninja'd

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;48784213]Hence the nature of infatuation. It can last up to 3 years, longer in unique circumstances (like long distance relationships, since you don't interact frequently enough or on a deep enough level to "burn out," you can keep a weaker form of those drugs running for a very, very long time). [/QUOTE] I really am loathe to drag up another LDR argument and I don't want to start one here, just curious where you're pulling this fact from since you phrase it in such a condescending way.

That doesn't sound condescending at all, and he's got a point, it's not uncommon for LDRs to live on infatuation and how they perceive each other.

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;48785751]That doesn't sound condescending at all, and he's got a point, it's not uncommon for LDRs to live on infatuation and how they perceive each other.[/QUOTE] Guess that's your point of view but I consider confidently stating LDR's are situations in which you "don't interact...on a deep enough level to "burn out"", classifying it as a "weaker form of those drugs" to be condescending as I'm suspicious of that being based on any facts. I also find it condescending personally to be told "You can't really say you know a person, or have a particularly strong bond with them, until the infatuation drugs go away and you see them for who they really are" - since infatuation 'can go on for longer than three years in an LDR' I'm being told I don't really know my boyfriend, which I think is understandably patronising. That's my view though.

Uhh, LDRs are fine but you can't seriously mean two people in a LDR interact the same way and amount as a regular relationship.

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;48785510]I really am loathe to drag up another LDR argument and I don't want to start one here, just curious where you're pulling this fact from since you phrase it in such a condescending way.[/QUOTE] I don't think you know the meaning of condescending because that was in no way condescending....

[QUOTE=Cutthecrap;48784268] Hahahaha Just like I've been asked Are you sure you've quoted the right message?:what: Or you didnt read the previous message related to it?[/QUOTE] Yep, was following your train of quoted posts and didn't notice the name difference. Edited. [editline]29th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;48786050]Guess that's your point of view but I consider confidently stating LDR's are situations in which you "don't interact...on a deep enough level to "burn out"", classifying it as a "weaker form of those drugs" to be condescending as I'm suspicious of that being based on any facts. I also find it condescending personally to be told "You can't really say you know a person, or have a particularly strong bond with them, until the infatuation drugs go away and you see them for who they really are" - since infatuation 'can go on for longer than three years in an LDR' I'm being told I don't really know my boyfriend, which I think is understandably patronising. That's my view though.[/QUOTE] It's a lot easier to be in a relationship with someone when you see them irregularly. When you live with your partner, their flaws become extremely apparent, and you see sides of them that an LDR just won't show. Regardless of whether it comes off as patronizing, you are probably not familiar with a lot of your boyfriend's behavior because of long distance. When you see each other once every few weeks or months, you're usually on your best behavior. You put extra effort into looking nice, you clean your house, etc. You haven't spent enough time with your partner to see how he acts when he's not trying to impress you.

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;48786050]Guess that's your point of view but I consider confidently stating LDR's are situations in which you "don't interact...on a deep enough level to "burn out"", classifying it as a "weaker form of those drugs" to be condescending as I'm suspicious of that being based on any facts. I also find it condescending personally to be told "You can't really say you know a person, or have a particularly strong bond with them, until the infatuation drugs go away and you see them for who they really are" - since infatuation 'can go on for longer than three years in an LDR' I'm being told I don't really know my boyfriend, which I think is understandably patronising. That's my view though.[/QUOTE] Like Guy Mannly said, you're basically missing the side of your boyfriend that buries chunks of dead hooker in his crawlspace in a metaphorical way of speaking

I'd also like to mention that saying "I REALLY don't want to start an argument here but your opinion is wrong and I don't like the way you worded your opinion.", and reacting to a response by saying "Well that's just your opinion, but I find that you're wrong and I don't like how you worded [I]your[/I] opinion either. I'd also like to add that I still find the previous opinion wrong, here's [i]not even a small anecdote[/I] to argue why it's wrong." Is a [I]really[/I] shitty way to argue.

speaking of infatuation, infatuation is the most fun part of a relationship tbh [editline]29th September 2015[/editline] love is like "did you take out the dog" then you find poop behind the couch and you're like "god damn" then you make out

Infatuation is exciting but it clouds your judgment a lot of the time. I'm at the point in my relationship where my partner and I are both fully aware of the other's flaws and weaknesses and still love each other regardless, and it feels a lot more intimate than just convincing yourself that your partner is perfect. It's nice being in a relationship where we both feel comfortable calling each other out on our bullshit and don't take it personally.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48786372] Regardless of whether it comes off as patronizing, you are probably not familiar with a lot of your boyfriend's behavior because of long distance. When you see each other once every few weeks or months, you're usually on your best behavior. You put extra effort into looking nice, you clean your house, etc. You haven't spent enough time with your partner to see how he acts when he's not trying to impress you.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;48786077]Uhh, LDRs are fine but you can't seriously mean two people in a LDR interact the same way and amount as a regular relationship.[/QUOTE] I definitely don't mean that there isn't a difference in how people interact when in an LDR, there are obvious restrictions and so on - just objecting to the definiteness of how lesser and meaningless those interactions are. Just as a thought- I don't think there's much difference in your partner dressing up and improving the house/making those small changes to their self-presentation in any relationship. I consider 3 years even in an LDR long enough to understand what your partner is like when they aren't in date-mode. But I agree you can't know everything. You also can't know everything until you move in with any partner though. [QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;48787924]I'd also like to mention that saying "I REALLY don't want to start an argument here but your opinion is wrong and I don't like the way you worded your opinion.", and reacting to a response by saying "Well that's just your opinion, but I find that you're wrong and I don't like how you worded [I]your[/I] opinion either. I'd also like to add that I still find the previous opinion wrong, here's [i]not even a small anecdote[/I] to argue why it's wrong." Is a [I]really[/I] shitty way to argue.[/QUOTE] Sure, I was pretty provocative in my first post. Probably shouldn't have put it like that, but I didn't say his opinion was wrong- I'd just like to know where the opinion came from because I disagree with it and feel it was stated in a psuedo-factual way. Whether you find something condescending or not [I]is[/I] a matter of opinion, I was trying to be fair by pointing that out and that maybe it's fine for us to disagree about it. I think it's normal arguing to then give you my reasons/explanation of why I thought something was condescending if I disagree with you. I didn't say anything at all about how you worded your opinion - I have no problem with how you worded that. And I don't like arguing with anecdotes since snaps of my life rarely give the bigger picture which is what I'm going for. If I just wanted to argue that I think -my- relationship is different I wouldn't bother to post. Anyway, if this is the thread opinion then never mind, I actually meant it when I said I didn't want a huge fuss despite causing one so sorry for that, feel free to continue super friendly

The length of infatuation is directly related to how much time you spend with a person. The 3 years thing is what has been observed and, to an extent, studied. It's the average. However, couples who spend every waking moment of the day together are more likely to have it end sooner, and vise versa. I never said your interactions are lesser or meaningless, not sure where that comes from. What I meant to say was, LDRs typically involve far fewer and far between interactions with your partner, meaning it will take longer for the infatuation to fade. Infatuation ending is a product of your instinct saying, "Okay, you've spent enough time with this person to facilitate the creation of many babies, time to move on." If you don't spend that much time together, and the interactions you do have are via skype or letters or text or whatever (non-physical = less of those infatuation juices flowing) then that clock counts very slowly. I'm not sure why you find it so insulting to be considered infatuated. There's nothing wrong with being tricked by your own mind into thinking someone is the best ever, it feels great and is a fun thing to experience. I have no idea what your relationship is like or what level it is at. If you believe you're beyond infatuation, that's cool mang, I'm pretty sure I stated from the get-go that the 3 years thing is what is typical, not what is definite. I'm not sure where the defensiveness is coming from.

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;48788848]The length of infatuation is directly related to how much time you spend with a person. The 3 years thing is what has been observed and, to an extent, studied. It's the average. However, couples who spend every waking moment of the day together are more likely to have it end sooner, and vise versa. I never said your interactions are lesser or meaningless, not sure where that comes from. What I meant to say was, LDRs typically involve far fewer and far between interactions with your partner, meaning it will take longer for the infatuation to fade. Infatuation ending is a product of your instinct saying, "Okay, you've spent enough time with this person to facilitate the creation of many babies, time to move on." If you don't spend that much time together, and the interactions you do have are via skype or letters or text or whatever (non-physical = less of those infatuation juices flowing) then that clock counts very slowly. I'm not sure why you find it so insulting to be considered infatuated. There's nothing wrong with being tricked by your own mind into thinking someone is the best ever, it feels great and is a fun thing to experience. I have no idea what your relationship is like or what level it is at. If you believe you're beyond infatuation, that's cool mang, I'm pretty sure I stated from the get-go that the 3 years thing is what is typical, not what is definite. I'm not sure where the defensiveness is coming from.[/QUOTE] Thanks, that's an awesome and level reply. I'll go hunt for the research myself if it's been studied and widely published. I'm surprised you wouldn't understand why I'd be insulted to be considered infatuated when you said: "You can't really say you know a person, or have a particularly strong bond with them, until the infatuation drugs go away" - the defensiveness comes from saying people in LDRs probably don't have a particularly strong bond with their partner or know them even after 3 years. I think that's a pretty extreme statement (very different from just saying someone is still infatuated) and deserves some more thought.

Infatuation, kids. Stay away from that shit.

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;48788980]I'm surprised you wouldn't understand why I'd be insulted to be considered infatuated when you said: "You can't really say you know a person, or have a particularly strong bond with them, until the infatuation drugs go away" - the defensiveness comes from saying people in LDRs probably don't have a particularly strong bond with their partner or know them even after 3 years.[/QUOTE] Again... You [i]cannot[/i] really know a person until you've seen them when they're not at their best. When you see each other irregularly, you always put your best foot forward. You also have the option of completely isolating yourselves from each other - it's possible to just not talk to each other for a couple days. In a long-distance relationship you can completely shut yourself off when you're not at your best, which means that you and your partner both have full control over what you display to your partner. You can choose what times you don't want your partner to see you - if you're overly emotional, you can shut yourself off and deal with it on your own and they'll never have to know about your drinking problem or how many sleeping pills you have to take every night or whatever. There is a HUGE filter that comes with being long-distance. You do not have that luxury when you live with your partner. If something's wrong, they'll know, whether or not you tell them. Furthermore, when you're long distance, you have much less impact on each other's lives - there are less elements of adversity in your relationship. You're not going to have issues over things like trying to balance your relationship and your job, or being unhappy with each other's spending habits, etc. I would argue that it's equally condescending to assume that every relationship is as simple as talking about your feelings all the time, but I may be a little biased at the moment myself.

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;48788980]Thanks, that's an awesome and level reply. I'll go hunt for the research myself if it's been studied and widely published. I'm surprised you wouldn't understand why I'd be insulted to be considered infatuated when you said: "You can't really say you know a person, or have a particularly strong bond with them, until the infatuation drugs go away" - the defensiveness comes from saying people in LDRs probably don't have a particularly strong bond with their partner or know them even after 3 years. I think that's a pretty extreme statement (very different from just saying someone is still infatuated) and deserves some more thought.[/QUOTE] You can't say you have a strong bond with someone while you're infatuated, because infatuation makes you addicted to them chemically. I mean, I guess it's a strong bond, but there's no way of knowing if it's really a bond with them, or a bond with how they make you feel. Nothing wrong with this, it's just silly when people who are clearly full-blown crazy infatuated say stuff like they're perfect for each other and are gonna be together forever soul mates lets get married. I said people in LDRs can experience infatuation for longer periods of time than the norm. You are twisting two separate statements into an insult. Notice how I never said LDRs ALWAYS have longer infatuation periods, nor did I say LDRs CANNOT involve strong bonds before 3 years. I never said you were infatuated. I simply said LDRs can break the rule of 3 years commonly because they don't involve as much contact. I never said they couldn't involve infatuation ending sooner. This is more a case of you wanting to be upset about something more than there is actually something to be upset about.

I'm in an LDR myself with someone I've known for 6 years but only dated for 1 and though I don't think we ever hit the "infatuation" phase since we were friends for so long, I can still admit that we don't see the darker parts of each other. We might TALK about it, but there's still that absence of being forced to be in each other's space at the best and worst of times. That's not to say that LDRs can't be strong in their own right, regardless, but there's definitely a disconnect, no matter how long you're with one another.

Hello. I recently started university. Last night I was really drunk, I sat at a table to have s cigarette and the table I sat at was playing spin the bottle. I got paired up with this girl who did not attract me in the slightest at all, and we are both in relationships. I pecked her on the cheek as were the rules (was meant to be a proper kiss) and I feel fucking awful. I've been on the verge of tears all day and I can't face telling my girlfriend because I fear the imminent loss of the relationship. What do I do? Is this still classed as cheating? I felt no sort of emotional impact of it other than sadness and it only occurred during a game, on the cheek as we refused to do it properly for relationship reasons. [editline]29th September 2015[/editline] But at the same time I don't want to keep it from her as I wouldn't expect her to at university, I wouldn't be bothered if she were in the same circumstances but it begs questions like "well if you did it when drunk.." etc. When I'm really not like that and I have never been. I just don't feel it's a big enough deal for me to tell her to go through the rigmarole of explaining it when it meant nothing. but I feel guilt strongly because i'm keeping it from her.

I'm pretty sure kissing someone on the cheek isn't cheating... There are cultures where it's customary to kiss people on the cheek to greet them.

Kisses on the cheek are probably the most chaste thing. I wouldn't consider it cheating.

I wouldn't view it as cheating either - though it is something I'd never do again, it doesn't sit right with me, my problem is: I don't want to keep it from her If I do keep it from her then that's that and it's sorted If I tell her I have to constantly reassure her that it was nothing like I have previously stated and it will ruin trust. I honestly think it's within my best interest to just leave it and forget about it, not do it again (which I won't, I wouldn't let myself get in those circumstances again)

you're a dead man if your girlfriend ever finds out, how could you commit such a terrible crime against your relationship

Yeah I wouldn't even bother telling someone that tbh, especially if you already feel guilty about it and have no interest in doing it again. Just let it go and try not to feel too torn up about it. Most people wouldn't view that as anything more than friendly.

[QUOTE=Pascall;48789775]Kisses on the cheek are probably the most chaste thing. I wouldn't consider it cheating.[/QUOTE] Oh I agree - I didn't want to do it at all but I saw no harm because of it. It's just if I explain it it'll sound like I'm covering for something bigger, or I'm lying and it was bigger, whereas if I just keep it to myself then that's that, the guilt will surpass once I reassure myself that I'm not a scumbag, hence why I came here. [editline]29th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;48789796]Yeah I wouldn't even bother telling someone that tbh, especially if you already feel guilty about it and have no interest in doing it again. Just let it go and try not to feel too torn up about it. Most people wouldn't view that as anything more than friendly.[/QUOTE] Alright, thanks for being honest about it all - I appreciate that. I just wanted to confirm that my morals hadn't slipped or anything. Thanks!

[QUOTE=tommofandan;48789644]Hello. I recently started university. Last night I was really drunk, I sat at a table to have s cigarette and the table I sat at was playing spin the bottle. I got paired up with this girl who did not attract me in the slightest at all, and we are both in relationships. I pecked her on the cheek as were the rules (was meant to be a proper kiss) and I feel fucking awful. I've been on the verge of tears all day and I can't face telling my girlfriend because I fear the imminent loss of the relationship. What do I do? Is this still classed as cheating? I felt no sort of emotional impact of it other than sadness and it only occurred during a game, on the cheek as we refused to do it properly for relationship reasons. [editline]29th September 2015[/editline] But at the same time I don't want to keep it from her as I wouldn't expect her to at university, I wouldn't be bothered if she were in the same circumstances but it begs questions like "well if you did it when drunk.." etc. When I'm really not like that and I have never been. I just don't feel it's a big enough deal for me to tell her to go through the rigmarole of explaining it when it meant nothing. but I feel guilt strongly because i'm keeping it from her.[/QUOTE] i am so incredibly confused as to why you'd ever think this is a big deal a kiss on the cheek is literally how you say 'hello' to girls in south america

It's pretty customary in Hispanic and Latinx cultures too.

Yeah forehead kisses have a much different connotation unless it's an adult with a very small child. And only if they're like. Related.

According to this handy guide on kisses I found. "The Forehead Kiss – The forehead kiss usually means that you are just friends. Depending on how it is planted, it can also be used as a means of showing deep affection to a loved one. Most people use use it as a starter kiss when they meet someone new, to express that they like them." Remember if you're crushing on someone super hard just plant a sloppy smooch on their forehead. My personal favorite: "Secret Message Kiss – This is basically a French kiss with a ‘secret message’. It involves spelling out a message to your partner in the in the middle of a French kiss. This kiss is useful if you want to pass a romantic message to your partner."