Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48826834]Might sound silly, but I respond less often when friends just message me with something like "hey" without a follow-up just because it means they don't have anything to discuss and it usually ends up with them expecting me to carry the conversation. [editline]4th October 2015[/editline] If you actually don't have a specific thing you wanted to talk about then you can at least follow up with "how's it going?" or something.[/QUOTE] That's my take: how do you continue a conversation with someone you're not already good friends with, I don't think I'm a boring person or anything I just find it really hard even with people I clearly get along very well with.

[QUOTE=Rossy167;48826843]That's my take: how do you continue a conversation with someone you're not already good friends with, I don't think I'm a boring person or anything I just find it really hard even with people I clearly get along very well with.[/QUOTE] Honestly, I'm not a very talkative person myself in real life, so I usually just ask a lot of questions if I don't have anything to say myself. Just look for commonalities.

[QUOTE=Rossy167;48826843]That's my take: how do you continue a conversation with someone you're not already good friends with, I don't think I'm a boring person or anything I just find it really hard even with people I clearly get along very well with.[/QUOTE] Just ask them questions about themselves, most ppl love to talk about themselves and what they're interested in, so just find out what they like and interrogate them :v:

[QUOTE=damnatus;48826781]euuuh shit so i found my old ex's new fb page, added her, we talked a bit then i, perhaps a bit too soon, [B]perhaps being an understatement[/B], asked her to start dating again. a bit of context, around 2011-2012 she was obsessing over me, and i didn't give a shit about dating in general. then she suddenly went silent, i wondered where the fuck was she, but didn't give enough shits to actually search. now she doesn't really trust me that I want to be with her again, y'know saying stuff like "why didnt you find somebody else?" and so on how do I salvage this aaaaa[/QUOTE] You don't salvage it. Let it go and move on.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48826865]Honestly, I'm not a very talkative person myself in real life, so I usually just ask a lot of questions if I don't have anything to say myself. Just look for commonalities.[/QUOTE] Oddly enough people think of me as talkative and loud (maybe a bit obnoxious), I still really struggle making friends, I pretty much hit the barrier at people that I talk to when my friends or their friends aren't around. I've been told that instead of moaning about my limited social circle I should just make friends, but it really doesn't seem to work like that. I've made one friend recently, but I've had history with his 'bullshit' and I really don't trust him as a person and looking back on it, I'm completely unsure of how we ended up friends. I think it might be simply because he had no friends and we were the only guys who had similar interests and were not holding a grudge.

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;48826889]You don't salvage it. Let it go and move on.[/QUOTE] well i mean she hasn't said no, and I need something final, even a "no" she's unsure as shit im not pushing it, we're currently just talking about what happened in our lives and what we're doing right now, and stuff

Why would you want to throw your lot in with someone that unsure though???? Like you know down the line, even if she does get back with you, she's gonna be right back to questioning it.

whatever, it's better than nothing at least if we don't go well, we can actually break up and both move on (assuming it happens, if not, we can just be friends, I'm glad I even found her again), which can't be said for a girl I currently obsess over at my uni

Being in an uncertain, forced relationship just because it's "better than nothing" is the worst way to justify it, dude. And if you're obsessing over another girl, but trying to get back with your ex??? You're setting yourself up for failure on all fronts.

maybe but what's the worst that could happen (genuine question)?

[QUOTE=damnatus;48827163]maybe but what's the worst that could happen (genuine question)?[/QUOTE] Oh man, you have absolutely no idea.

1) Either girl ends up hating you. 2) Both girls end up hating you. 3) You end up alone again. 4) You don't learn anything. 5) You end up hating yourself. [editline]4th October 2015[/editline] This thread can only give you so much advice but if you decide to do what you will, don't come back to this thread saying "wow I can't BELIEVE this didn't work out".

should i buckle down and make a tindr real life isn't working

[QUOTE=damnatus;48827163]maybe but what's the worst that could happen (genuine question)?[/QUOTE] you get attached to someone who is 'unsure.' it's one thing to feel stupid after getting ditched by someone you seemed to have a shot with, but it's another thing to feel stupid because you [I]were[/I] stupid.

[QUOTE=Kommodore;48827348]should i buckle down and make a tindr real life isn't working[/QUOTE] Doesn't hurt to try it out.

i mean i meet people but they're all kind of wrong you hit a point in your life where it's just not enough for someone to be pretty and upbeat and you can tell within a few minutes of convo whether or not they're the sort of person who thinks about the future and the past and what their education is like and whether or not that's good for you and im having a hard time meeting those people

[QUOTE=Pascall;48827336]1) Either girl ends up hating you. 2) Both girls end up hating you. 3) You end up alone again. 4) You don't learn anything. 5) You end up hating yourself. [editline]4th October 2015[/editline] [/QUOTE] 1 and 2, it's over for the girl I obsess over (she always had a bf anyway, we're friends but she's aware of my feelings to her, we joke about it sometimes). the sole reason I obsess over her is because I don't have anyone else to obsess over and I'm forced to see her every day 4,5, yes, already 3, probably :v:

[QUOTE=Pascall;48827384]Doesn't hurt to try it out.[/QUOTE] yeah, the meat-market vibe is kind of offputting is all [editline]4th October 2015[/editline] merge

[QUOTE=dnqboy;48827369]you get attached to someone who is 'unsure.' it's one thing to feel stupid after getting ditched by someone you seemed to have a shot with, but it's another thing to feel stupid because you [I]were[/I] stupid.[/QUOTE] well she was attached to me, and that's again an understatement. a lot of time has passed though

[QUOTE=Kommodore;48827394]yeah, the meat-market vibe is kind of offputting is all [editline]4th October 2015[/editline] merge[/QUOTE] Well Tinder is mostly for hook ups, which is why it's like that lol. Probably not ideal if you're looking for a meaningful relationship. [editline]4th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=damnatus;48827393]1 and 2, it's over for the girl I obsess over (she always had a bf anyway, we're friends but she's aware of my feelings to her, we joke about it sometimes). the sole reason I obsess over her is because I don't have anyone else to obsess over and I'm forced to see her every day 4,5, yes, already 3, probably :v:[/QUOTE] You shouldn't be obsessing over anyone just for the sake of it though. That's unhealthy. And actually really creepy and indicates that you lack a healthy social life and self control.

[QUOTE=Pascall;48827424]You shouldn't be obsessing over anyone just for the sake of it though. That's unhealthy. And actually really creepy and indicates that you lack a healthy social life and self control.[/QUOTE] that's true. however there's no way for me to stop, I kept searching for a way to do that for 3 years

You don't seem like you're trying at all, tbh.

when you're depressed that kinda happens

[QUOTE=damnatus;48830942]when you're depressed that kinda happens[/QUOTE] Thats not really an excuse tbh

Depression stops being an excuse when you start potentially harming other people. Maybe not physically, but you're involving these girls in your life for seemingly no other reason than the fact that you're lonely. It's not fair to you and it's certainly not fair to them.

you're saying that i'm pushing them somehow

[QUOTE=damnatus;48832860]you're saying that i'm pushing them somehow[/QUOTE] How did you even get that from their comment?

[QUOTE=Pascall;48832768]Depression stops being an excuse when you start potentially harming other people. Maybe not physically, but you're involving these girls in your life for seemingly no other reason than the fact that you're lonely. It's not fair to you and it's certainly not fair to them.[/QUOTE] Isn't being lonely a good enough reason to want to not be alone?

[QUOTE=Rossy167;48833283]Isn't being lonely a good enough reason to want to not be alone?[/QUOTE] Of course. But not when you're trying to involve someone else, romantically, (or honestly even platonically) in your life. Because you're just using them as a substitute for healthy social interaction. You don't care about them. You care about the fact that you're not lonely anymore. This other person you're getting involved with is nothing more than a pillow for you to hold onto at night. You're treating them like an inanimate object that is solely for your consumption to circumvent your loneliness. You stop seeing them as people and start seeing them as a tool. And that's not cool. If you want that sort of relief for your loneliness, get a pet.

[QUOTE=Pascall;48833334] You're treating them like an inanimate object that is solely for your consumption to circumvent your loneliness.[/QUOTE] while I disagree, if I did, what else could I do? kill myself because i'm not able to treat others differently or something?