Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=damnatus;48833351]while I disagree, if I did, what else could I do? kill myself because i'm not able to treat others differently or something?[/QUOTE] No? Disconnect yourself from your ex, first of all. Because if you're gonna go into that, as I said before, you're setting yourself up for failure. If she's unsure now, she'll continue to be unsure, even if she's strong armed by either you or herself into getting back with you. Go out and actually talk to people. Talk to girls you might be interested in. LEARN about who they are as a person before you start saying "oh yeah I'm gonna obsess about this person because hell why not??" You've started to focus on YOUR needs and YOUR wants above another person's comfort and safety and you need to shake yourself out of that. You can't consistently victimize yourself while still attempting to psychologically harm another person by using them like that. You have to change something and it's up to you to do so. Not anyone else.

[QUOTE=Kommodore;48827348]should i buckle down and make a tindr real life isn't working[/QUOTE] use okcupid tbh, you'll actually meet a fuckbuddy who'll eventually turn into a general friend, i've met 2 from using it first turned out to be awesome but we stopped talking and stopped meeting up 2nd turned into more of a date and then she got rid of me after some ridiculous tumblr post but hell who cares give it a shot see what happens

[QUOTE=Pascall;48833378] Disconnect yourself from your ex, first of all. Because if you're gonna go into that, as I said before, you're setting yourself up for failure. If she's unsure now, she'll continue to be unsure, even if she's strong armed by either you or herself into getting back with you.[/QUOTE] i'm not forcing her to do anything. she can just say fuck off and i'd be fine with that [QUOTE=Pascall;48833378]Go out and actually talk to people. Talk to girls you might be interested in. [/QUOTE] doing this every day [QUOTE=Pascall;48833378]LEARN about who they are as a person before you start saying "oh yeah I'm gonna obsess about this person because hell why not??" You've started to focus on YOUR needs and YOUR wants above another person's comfort and safety and you need to shake yourself out of that. [/QUOTE] i don't even know what are you getting at here. i did none of that [QUOTE=Pascall;48833378] You can't consistently victimize yourself while still [B]attempting to psychologically harm another person by using them like that.[/B][/quote] ???????

Honestly, and maybe it's because I'm crazy and socially fucked, but it sounds like Pascall is the unhealthy one here. Accusing somebody of seeing people as tools, forcing people into relationships that are entirely superficial and saying shit like: [QUOTE=Pascall]You can't consistently victimize yourself while still attempting to psychologically harm another person by using them like that.[/QUOTE] Sounds like there might be some context behind this cynicism.

It's hardly cynicism?? It just makes absolute zero sense to begin a relationship with someone you don't legitimately care about. [editline]5th October 2015[/editline] Like I say, you're free to do what you want lmao but you came to this thread, undoubtedly seeking advice, and I'm telling you what I think. If you're looking for someone to tell you "yeah, go ahead, get into this relationship, nothing will go wrong!" then this is probably not the thread for you???? I'm not sure what you're expecting here.

[QUOTE]It just makes absolute zero sense to begin a relationship with someone you don't legitimately care about.[/QUOTE] okay i apologize for not providing enough context i guess. back when she was throwing herself at me its not her I didn't care about, its the whole relationship thing. i wasnt ready for anything and was actually scared of it. its just i was too stuck in my comfort zone to actually tell her that. so naturally she thought "he didn't like me" and moved on (she had more relationships since that, I didn't). when in fact I didn't even try to get to know her, hell, maybe if I'd tell her that i'm too stuck she'd help me and we'd get along fine but that's all in the past now.

That extra information puts things into a better perspective, thanks. Then yeah there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you're honest and stuff with her.

So second time seeing this girl on Sunday went really well and we hit it off again pretty well, went and watched a cool movie and just wandered about and did stuff in town all day, she got very physical this time, holding onto my arm and stuff like that, which encouraged me to step up too, I hate to say it like this because it sounds weird to type but you could literally see her swooning kind of thing or she was purposely making it obvious. Either way, it was really sweet. :v: Seeing each other again the same time this week, she's been talking about a relationship and stuff too along with being really sweet via texts, it feels a little bit fast for me but I haven't been in a relationship for years because of anxiety and stuff like that holding me back, I'm kinda comfy for the first time in a long time so I'm just rolling with it for now so to speak. Looking forward to it. My issues made me a bit weary that she's still friends with her ex but she's the one who went out of her way to bring it up in the first place and tell me how it all was with complete honesty, so that's really not a big deal to me. Sorry by the way if this is a bit dear diary like, I just type as I think about it, its really useful on the mind and I guess its appropriate for the topic.

nice

I had successfully shut out all thoughts on the inevitability of my first relationship ending and now I've let them in and its sorta just made everything bleh feels pointless to bother, which is silly and I know its wrong but I can't get that thought to stop. The person I'm with is someone who I really enjoy being around and they seem to enjoy my presence as well, but my anxiety means I get really anxious and on edge if they don't reply for a bit and the whole adhd thing means once those thoughts about where this is headed starts I can't stop them. its wretched. I've learned to not stress about how far my emotions towards this person change in intensity, since thats part of who I am, but that doesn't exactly help. I'm a hopeless (emphasis mine) romantic who has always wanted to find someone to spend my life with, but I know thats just ridiculously unlikely to happen. I'm not sure what I should think about this relationship, and not sure i can go back to being content in the moment.

Yeah, I absolutely adore my partner and she's the most wonderful thing to have happen to me. After my first long term relationship ended, I have been absolutely scared shit less. It's like I don't want to get hurt again but I'm already too much deep into my relationship now to start shielding my heart for any future damages. I'm quite needy and we both know this but I have never told her about my ex. I honestly wish I never got into any relationships at all. Although I am as happy as I can be right now, I can be pessimistic at times and I'm scared of bad things happening. Even writing this up, I feel like there's some sort of jinxing going on and I'm scared.

I often think i wish i didn't get into a relationship straight away. Like, i love my boyfriend to the ends of the earth and hes helped me so much and im so glad hes in my life. But i think i just miss my single life, having to only care about me and not worrying about them. Basically sparing feelings and stuff. I miss dating aswell. that first spark you get when you get to know someone. I only ever experienced that once and thats with my current boyfriend and we're very serious .

So my girl's ex got my number through facebook and started texting me all kinds of crazy shit like "she's the most beautiful girl I've ever known blah blah, make sure you respect her and look after her" and various other shit that basically says he's still in love with her. I predict issues. For fucks sake.

[QUOTE=orcywoo6;48843215]So my girl's ex got my number through facebook and started texting me all kinds of crazy shit like "she's the most beautiful girl I've ever known blah blah, make sure you respect her and look after her" and various other shit that basically says he's still in love with her. I predict issues. For fucks sake.[/QUOTE] glass im [editline]6th October 2015[/editline] Or just ignore him, he will probably go away

[QUOTE=orcywoo6;48843215]So my girl's ex got my number through facebook and started texting me all kinds of crazy shit like "she's the most beautiful girl I've ever known blah blah, make sure you respect her and look after her" and various other shit that basically says he's still in love with her. I predict issues. For fucks sake.[/QUOTE] Just reply to everything he says with 'ok' It'll probably piss him right off

[QUOTE=orcywoo6;48843215]So my girl's ex got my number through facebook and started texting me all kinds of crazy shit like "she's the most beautiful girl I've ever known blah blah, make sure you respect her and look after her" and various other shit that basically says he's still in love with her. I predict issues. For fucks sake.[/QUOTE] some people have issues with letting go. fuck knows I do. I don't know your circumstances but I still have trouble with my ex leaving me, and it's coming up for a year since she left me. I've had trust issues all my life, and after what happened, it's only made me realise it more. it's hard to let go of someone I wanted to have a future with. I was at the point where I wanted to show how serious I was about our relationship, and the next step from where we were was engagement. one of my friends told me that you never really get over your first breakup. I can believe that.

It depends. My relationships usualy have been just about settling with someone l just liked for some months, or an on off relationship for a year and a half. I got over my exes pretty quick despite being extremely emotional over the breakups at the time. I still talk to them once in a while. Damn in August one even camped with me and my friends and it was all cool. However my current gf sometimes comments on how her first boyfriend doesn't talk to her anymore. But they were together for years and it was also his first relationship. He's a pretty cool guy. I know him. But l think it hits harder on some people, not all. However if me and my gf were to breakup (God forbid) l would take it pretty hard. I think for the first time l'm with someone l really loves me back. I think it's all about how balls deep you're emotionally commited in someone.

So I met a girl on tinder and she's really cute and shit like that, I'd really like her number because it would prolly make things easier. Whens the best time to ask for it?

Just from the load of homework we're getting as of these weeks I am shifting a lot towards not going to uni. It's just not my kind of place, however what future can I foresee without going there?

[QUOTE=damnatus;48834273]okay i apologize for not providing enough context i guess. back when she was throwing herself at me its not her I didn't care about, its the whole relationship thing. i wasnt ready for anything and was actually scared of it. its just i was too stuck in my comfort zone to actually tell her that. so naturally she thought "he didn't like me" and moved on (she had more relationships since that, I didn't). when in fact I didn't even try to get to know her, hell, maybe if I'd tell her that i'm too stuck she'd help me and we'd get along fine but that's all in the past now.[/QUOTE] update on this. she started to msg me on her own, not just replying to me. we agreed to meet tomorrow (nothing particular, just riding home together because her workplace is a subway station away from my uni, and we live near eachother). fingers crossed

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48847910]It depends. My relationships usualy have been just about settling with someone l just liked for some months, or an on off relationship for a year and a half. I got over my exes pretty quick despite being extremely emotional over the breakups at the time. I still talk to them once in a while. Damn in August one even camped with me and my friends and it was all cool. However my current gf sometimes comments on how her first boyfriend doesn't talk to her anymore. But they were together for years and it was also his first relationship. He's a pretty cool guy. I know him. But l think it hits harder on some people, not all. However if me and my gf were to breakup (God forbid) l would take it pretty hard. I think for the first time l'm with someone l really loves me back. I think it's all about how balls deep you're emotionally commited in someone.[/QUOTE] This is the thing, everyone's circumstance is different. With me, she was my first girlfriend, and we were together for 3 years. I was completely and utterly smitten, she was living with me and my parents so she could get to work easier. We were planning to move out and get a place of our own and then out of the blue, she left me and then within a matter of a couple of weeks, she was living with another guy, who she's with now. Even now, I'm not really over it, even though I have a girlfriend now. I still have some contact with her family from time to time and they're pleasant enough, they have no reason to dislike me, which is nice since I do like them all. I actually had a nice, quick catch up with her mum at my work one day not long ago. She always did like me, and joked about us getting married a fair bit, but I think there might have been some sincerity to the jokes as well. Such is life though, things come out of the blue and you just have to deal with them.

So this girl I matched with on Tinder wants to meet up, I'm all up for it but it just feels weird to me too meet up with someone I've never met before, who lives quite far away and has no common connections. What to do?

[QUOTE=Timezbrick;48852077]So this girl I matched with on Tinder wants to meet up, I'm all up for it but it just feels weird to me too meet up with someone I've never met before, who lives quite far away and has no common connections. What to do?[/QUOTE] Nothing weird about it really, just meet up and do an activity together and get to know eachother.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;48850481]So I met a girl on tinder and she's really cute and shit like that, I'd really like her number because it would prolly make things easier. Whens the best time to ask for it?[/QUOTE] said fuck it and just threw my number in there and told her to text me she did

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48852132]Nothing weird about it really, just meet up and do an activity together and get to know eachother.[/QUOTE] I went on a late night walk for my first tinder date, around our campus. It wasn't super late so still people about and its a nice campus to walk around. Movie dates are bad first dates afaik, do something at least slightly active and consider how private or open it will be. Somewhere in the middle is probably the best. Apparently the guy I'm seeing is super into me, but I'm so used to people not being into me and feeling unloved and unwanted that I can't see it and its like a mental block. Its really not making things better. The last time I tried to date someone they fed me just enough attention to keep me interested, and then used me since I'm such a pushover and way too "sweet" for my own good. I eventually caught onto what they were doing but I still let it happen since I was so desperate to have someone to care for and I got just enough vibes back to keep me dripfed. I don't know how to undo this or learn to love myself and get my self confidence back. No matter how many people, here and otherwise, tell me that he's really into me I mentally cannot accept it. Its a big huge mental block and it makes me feel like shit. I don't what to do- I feel I should tell him since he told me that his last relationship makes it hard for him to trust (and thus makes him want to take it slowly). But I'm also worried I'd phrase it in a weird enough way to scare him off or ruin what he feels for me (if he even does feel anything, still worried I'm being used for attention/errands). [editline]7th October 2015[/editline] The irony being that this guy is also a complete sweetheart, so I really shouldn't worry about him trying to exploit me but I dunno it happens once and it sorta fucks with you for a while. His last BF cheated on him because he wouldn't put out, and that's been really hard on the guy :(

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48852132]Nothing weird about it really, just meet up and do an activity together and get to know eachother.[/QUOTE] Alright, I got a date on friday. She never saw BTF so we're gonna watch it at her place

I just have to get my thoughts down, any input or comments would be appreciated, especially if you have experience with partners who are abstinent until marriage. It's been a month since I've been with this girl, and I think around 2 and a half weeks since we've started "officially" dating, according to her. It's going incredibly so far, she's a wonderful girl, really cute, intelligent, and we get along so well it's unbelievable. She is waiting till marriage however, although I knew that before I started dating her, was fine with that then and am still fine with it. However, I'm worried it's going to cause a problem in the future. She's the first girl I can actually say is my girlfriend, and I'm her first boyfriend since like, high school, so neither of us are terribly experienced although I have had sex before. Anyways, until last night, the farthest we'd gone together was [sp]me grabbing her ass, tits etc. rubbing them around[/sp] which was apparently something she'd never allowed anyone else to do , but she thinks so much of me that she let me do it. However whatever we do, it's always over the clothes, usually the most undressed either of us get is without a shirt (she has a bra of course). But last night she guided my hand down and let me suck her nipple, and massage her bare breast. Which felt awesome of course, and I could tell she really enjoyed it too. But after that she got really quiet, wouldn't talk to me, and eventually told me that not to do that again. She wasn't mad at me and she doesn't think I'm pushing it too far, in fact she's very grateful that I'm considerate enough not to push the issue too much, and to only do things when I know she's comfortable with it. She told me that shes broken a lot of her boundaries with me, and has done things that she would have never saw her self doing before our relationship (keep in mind, it's completely consensual, I'm not forcing her to break boundaries, it happens out of mutual interest). It's just really hard, feeling so close to someone, and not being able to express yourself fully. Maybe I'm being too melodramatic, I don't know. I know I can deal with her limits long term, but I've only now realized how tough it can be. But I think she's worth it. Is it stupid to have these feelings so early in a relationship? I mean I have known her for the better part of a year, and have liked her in this way for a good while. And now that we've started dating, the feeling is definitely mutual.

Well, I had to end it. It only lasted 3.5 weeks, but it sucked for me. I felt like we had a connection, but she had a lot of drinking and smoking problems and it caused her to act irrationally. In one of my previous posts I mentioned the fact that she complained a lot about her ex-boyfriend, and I lightly put a solution out there. Still to this day they keep fighting. It seemed like each day there was more problems and it started having an impact on me too. I don't know, I feel really crappy now that it's over. Did I do the right thing?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;48853912]What happened with me: [B]Her: I want to wait until marriage because Jesus[/B] ~time passes~ Her: Waiting until marriage is dumb, what is this, the 1950s? ~sex happens~ Give it time, 99 percent of the time they realize that that's a pretty archaic "rule" to abide by. (you can disagree, but I personally find it dumb to socially and sexually limit yourself, you only live once) Just don't pressure her to do anything, it's something you have to discover yourself.[/QUOTE] Apparently it's 90% personal reasons, 10% religion according to her. But yeah, I think there is a chance that she might eventually come to think that it's a stupid rule, but personally, just from knowing her I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. I'm glad that she trusts me and likes me enough to consider breaking boundaries for me, but it sort of sucks, like I said , that I'm not allowed to do whatever I want physically. Hell, I think I can forgo sex itself until marriage, even if you count oral/handies sex, but not being able to do things smaller than that especially when I know she really enjoys it is sort of already wearing me down. She's totally worth it, I think, so I'll just have to suck it up and either wait until she changes or marriage. [editline]7th October 2015[/editline] I do agree with you by the way, I personally think life's too short to limit yourself that way. But I respect her opinions.

[QUOTE=orcywoo6;48837146] My issues made me a bit weary that she's still friends with her ex but she's the one who went out of her way to bring it up in the first place and tell me how it all was with complete honesty, so that's really not a big deal to me. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=puppy156;48854386]Well, I had to end it. It only lasted 3.5 weeks, but it sucked for me. I felt like we had a connection, but she had a lot of drinking and smoking problems and it caused her to act irrationally. In one of my previous posts I mentioned the fact that she complained a lot about her ex-boyfriend, and I lightly put a solution out there. Still to this day they keep fighting. It seemed like each day there was more problems and it started having an impact on me too. I don't know, I feel really crappy now that it's over. Did I do the right thing?[/QUOTE] Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. [editline]7th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=dcalde78;48851797] my first girlfriend, and we were together for 3 years. We were planning to move out and get a place of our own and then out of the blue, she left me and then within a matter of a couple of weeks, she was living with another guy, who she's with now. I actually had a nice, quick catch up with her mum at my work one day not long ago. She always did like me, and joked about us getting married a fair bit, but I think there might have been some sincerity to the jokes as well. [/QUOTE] Fuck it's amazing how many people this happens to. Thought I was alone but I've seen this same story like 100 times on here now.