Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

Well shit, kinda hoping I'd get some words of advice or encouragement from you guys. I guess if my first relationship was indicative of anything good it's that I'm dateable (yay) and apparently a pretty decent kisser.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;48866658]Your sarcasm seems to be flying past people pretty often in this thread[/QUOTE] Same goes for sex, it seems.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48865378]That's exactly what I meant. I know my first post was salty as shit, but ok, let's leave it at that. What's done is done. But this isn't just about celibacy in a relationship. It's about both people wanting to have sex at some point, but only after marriage. I just can't put my mind around it. We left out the fact of it not being about religion. Ok. It's personal. Which raises a few more questions. The way my line of thought goes, I see that a serious relationship is about giving yourself body and soul. But it doesn't necessarily imply marriage for you to give out both. The guy in question here feels open to give himself body and soul to this woman, but she, on the other hand is only willing to give half until marriage. the million dollar question here is, why? Is he going to be a different person after marriage? Does this woman only opens herself 100% when a guy sticks a ring in her finger, while cleverly sliding the marriage subject in the middle of it? This are just the things that are making me wonder what the issue with this relationship is really all about. I'm not telling him to dump her or anything. If he says she makes him happy to make her happy than who am I to say otherwise. He's the one who isn't 100% happy about the whole situation.[/QUOTE] You're actually making really good points, and now I really do appreciate your advice. When you're not being so condescending ,you actually seem like a pretty intelligent and thoughtful person. It just really sounded like you were attacking me, my beliefs, and hers in your first post which is why I was upset.

It's ok. I am an asshole sometimes. I'm usually the first one to admit it and to forget that sometimes there are actually people behind the avatars. Usually a virtual slap in the face works out for me when I misbehave. But yeah I'm sorry for being an asshole back there.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48866931]It's ok. I am an asshole sometimes. I'm usually the first one to admit it and to forget that sometimes there are actually people behind the avatars. Usually a virtual slap in the face works out for me when I misbehave. But yeah I'm sorry for being an asshole back there.[/QUOTE] If only more ppl did this

[QUOTE=Disseminate;48866638]Sex is fun, sure, but it's not necessary. I like sex but when I lose my libido I'm not gonna force it. People over 60 don't not have sex because their relationship sucks, it's because they have no libido. They're still committed. If old people can stay together without sex, it's clearly not a vital part of a relationship.[/QUOTE] I never told you that a relationship without sex wouldn't work. Underlining my point here - people who don't have sex in a relationship (sexuality being something inherent to human nature) are missing out on a lot of stuff. Corporal contact is as vital for couples almost like the same way a baby needs to be in contact with the other person. You need to touch, taste, feel, smell the other person and feel comfortable doing so (as creepy as it may sound) without any Tabu. It works for the person we're discussing it seems, and it certainly works for my grandparents. Sure old people lose their libido. But I take it you're not old yet and are far from it, right? So losing your libido here isn't really a viable argument. [QUOTE=Disseminate;48866638] Flopping around on someone then having an orgasm then pillow talking for 10 minutes doesn't strengthen your relationship. It's fun and it's a nice gesture but it's not imperative.[/QUOTE] It intrigues me that you have this opinion on sex. You're sounding like for you it's as relevant as taking a smoke - It's fun and all but it's not that special - it's not just flopping around man. Good sex, in this case love making, opens up barriers with the other person you wouldn't be able to open up by just talking. It builds up confidence, clears down feelings of awkwardness and mutual insecurity. It's all about body and soul. Sure you can function with just one, the same way a person can live with just an arm. But you don't really recognize it's true power and potential untill you experiment it to it's fullness.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48867002]I never told you that a relationship without sex wouldn't work. Underlining my point here - people who don't have sex in a relationship (sexuality being something inherent to human nature) are missing out on a lot of stuff. Corporal contact is as vital for couples almost like the same way a baby needs to be in contact with the other person. You need to touch, taste, feel, smell the other person and feel comfortable doing so (as creepy as it may sound) without any Tabu.[/quote] But you're certainly suggesting a relationship can't work without sex. Why exactly is sexual contact vital? Nothing is communicated during sex, at all, other than 'you gave me an orgasm'. It validates intimacy but doesn't create it. I can be in physical contact with the other person through other means (seeing shows together, going for walks, whatever) which is certainly important, but I don't see how specifically the sexual part builds on the relationship. [QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48867002]It works for the person we're discussing it seems, and it certainly works for my grandparents. Sure old people lose their libido. But I take it you're not old yet and are far from it, right? So losing your libido here isn't really a viable argument.[/quote] No libido is a viable argument for not having sex though. Seriously, if you marry and get old and your wife doesn't want to have sex anymore, what are you going to do? Divorce? Your grandparents are the minority. Right now, yeah, I have sex, but it's not going to last forever. Breaking up because you have to wait until marriage in a few years is immature. If you were to marry someone, then ideally at that point, you care more about them as a person and less about their nads - sex is a bonus. Being valued for your personality is much more rewarding than being valued for your ability to plow. [QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48867002]It intrigues me that you have this opinion on sex. You're sounding like for you it's as relevant as taking a smoke - It's fun and all but it's not that special - it's not just flopping around man. Good sex, in this case love making, opens up barriers with the other person you wouldn't be able to open up by just talking. It builds up confidence, clears down feelings of awkwardness and mutual insecurity. It's all about body and soul. Sure you can function with just one, the same way a person can live with just an arm. But you don't really recognize it's true power and potential untill you experiment it to it's fullness.[/QUOTE] "Body and soul"? We're not gorillas. It might build up confidence, but only sexually - nobody has sex and thinks "I'm more intelligent and purposeful", or if they do, they're misguided. You can think "Wow I/my partner are really good at sex" which is great but doesn't add any valuable contribution to a long-term relationship. If someone else can give you the same experience (sex is a skill, not a talent), it doesn't build intimacy. Sex isn't a ~spiritual~ experience - it feels great and reduces stress and the benefits end there. This isn't to say I'm against sex in relationships (quite the opposite) but if my SO loses libido first I'm fine with just masturbating.

Young people can definitely not have a libido or a very low libido. [editline]9th October 2015[/editline] And intimacy that fills all five senses is NOT limited to just sexual intercourse. There are many people who CAN'T have sex. They are not missing out on something they can experience in MANY different ways. If sex is the only activity in which you can be intimate, that is very narrow thinking and you need to expand your activities within your relationship.

[QUOTE=Disseminate;48866638]Sex is fun, sure, but it's not necessary. I like sex but when I lose my libido I'm not gonna force it. People over 60 don't not have sex because their relationship sucks, it's because they have no libido. They're still committed. If old people can stay together without sex, it's clearly not a vital part of a relationship.[/QUOTE] People over 60 actually have way more sex than younger people. It's just that nobody likes to talk about it because it's gross. STDs are a huge issue in the elderly because a lot of them don't use protection because they're no longer afraid of pregnancy.

So I had my Tinder date yesterday and everything went better as expected :smile:

Is it normal after a breakup not to be attracted to other girls as much as before? I feel like I'm constantly comparing them to an idealized perception of her.

[QUOTE=_Axel;48872930]Is it normal after a breakup not to be attracted to other girls as much as before? I feel like I'm constantly comparing them to an idealized perception of her.[/QUOTE] I've noticed myself doing this to other girls that look like my girlfriend. I'll look over and see a girl, think she's kind of cute and realize she resembles my girlfriend in a lot of ways

I just want a gf

I'm pretty excited because a girl invited me over to her place for a movie night on Monday when her parents will be out of town. She asked me to buy white wine, and I know pretty much nothing about wine at all, but I picked out a couple things semi-randomly. Hope it goes well!

So she tells me today right at the end of my work shift that the ex had been texting her stuff like I'm just trying to use her for sex and companionship, things like that and that she doesn't know what to think. I immediately reassured her and stuff, like what the fuck he's completely full of shit he doesn't even know who I am. She says she believes me and just says he will not shut up about it which is getting to her head a bit. Once I obviously start getting a bit angry with him and the situation, She then says to me look, don't worry what he says, I'm with you now anyway. So she then says maybe you should speak to him? He keeps making excuses to her about it. So I try and call him and he doesn't pick up. Then she backtracks and says maybe we should just let this go and take it seriously if he tries anything else. Obviously at this point I'm already seething so I really don't want to just let it slide but things kinda simmer down anyway. Then out of the blue, ex suddenly calls me an hour later while I'm having dinner, so I ask him what the problem is, he immediately plays dumb and acts like he's not done anything at all even when I explicitly repeat his own texts to him. He then gets really condescending with me saying stuff like "Yeah but what reason could I have?" "Why would I want to break you two up?" etc etc and claiming there must be some misunderstanding or miscommunication. How calm and almost cocky he was about the whole thing just made me even more angry but I tried to remain calm for the sake of forming sensible sentences. The icing on the cake was that he dropped in there "Look, either way I'm going to probably be around her a lot more than you are since we go to college together and I care about her so I'm going to be there for her" He threw something in there about giving his blessings to the two of us and a warning to me if I ever hurt her or some shit too, what the fuck. Argh I'm just so livid and at a complete loss at what to do, this is so ridiculous.

I calmed down. Life is going to be okay.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48864563][editline]9th October 2015[/editline] Well, if you're depressive that's normal. You like her. I'd risk to assume that you feel like you haven't been able to be with her as much as you'd like and that makes enduring her close friendships a little hard. I mean you want to be a part of her friendship circle and it's harder for you than it is for them. Well you could start by asking her a bit more about herself. Her name, for instance. Maybe start talking about things you both enjoy in real life, rather than in virtual life. Distance can be a drag on this one, but Germany and Denmark share the same border. How far are we talking about? Don't take any meanings out of it. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're romantically invested in each other. I know it sucks to hear about other guys when you like a person but don't let it affect you. My girlfriend is very close with her friends, and right before we started dating she used to talk a lot about her friends too. She still does. Don't take it too serious. There is no way of being sure. And if there isn't, why bother? Focus on the things you can control. I think, if you're really romantically invested on her, you should start thinking about your options rather than your limitations.[/QUOTE] I'd wish it was that easy. She's very wary of sharing any personal information about herself. I've asked about her personal life before, like what her education is - she said she's an educated game designer, but she refused to elaborate on it. And being me, I didn't want to push her. She's always dodged revealing her real name as well, even after I've shared mine. She lives in Berlin, I know that much, which is maybe half a day's trip with bus and train, so it's none too bad. For our mutual friend, I've started talking to him more in the hopes that my jealousy would just slowly fade away. I suppose it's kinda working so far? I dunno. I have no real expectations that she shares the same feelings for me as I do for her. Frankly, which I realized today, I'm just too emotionally attached to her - and I wonder if I should tell her about my feelings in the wane hope that it'll make me feel better. I've even contemplated telling our mutual friend because I feel like a fucking asshole for some of the messed up thoughts I've had.

So, I'm dealing with some weird shit related to my sexual interests, and honestly I'm quite worried if I'm straight, bisexual or gay. This might not fit entirely in this thread, but since it's socially related I don't know where else to. To put it easy, specific men related clothing appears to be the only thing right now that turns me on. Could be suits, or uniforms. I've always been thinking about woman breasts, or other parts of a woman body but I haven't really noticed the same. Then I've been comparing that image on my mind to a male body, same deal. Somehow it's specifically clothing that turns me on. For example, a friend of mine today wore some specific jumpsuit and it actually did manage to turn me on too. Could this because I might be stuck in a closet or something? So far I've never been thinking seriously about building up a love relationship with a girl. Only once in my life I've seen a girl I liked, but I was 12 by then and she was 16-18. I can't tell if above symptoms are simply caused because I've never been thinking about girls a lot and I'm pretty introverted about that. When it comes to friends I only have a very small group where I often play with, and my school has low hanging fruit. Right now I'm 16, and this is the first time I've actually spilled my beans about my crazy ass fetish. This has been something I've dealt with for longer, but never really collected the mood to tell it someone. Chances are I just shove have to come out of the closet one way or another, but I don't know how to take that step. But how would that explain the lack of excitement from a woman body?

Could just be the aesthetic of men's clothing that you like, honestly. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're bisexual or gay, but that could be apart of it! I mean, I'm much more attracted to men and women wearing men's clothing than men and women wearing women's clothing, just because it's my personal aesthetic taste. It varies from person to person, as things do. I wouldn't stress TOO much about it. Take your time figuring out things you may like or dislike. It'll take some experimenting and some self exploration to really nail down what you've got going on. But that's perfectly normal, honestly. Some people just don't really figure things out until they're older, and there's nothing wrong with that. Take your time when it comes to exploring your own sexuality. There's no timeline for it and sexuality, like a lot of things, can be very fluid.

Has anybody ever felt insignificant as a person when they socialise with someone else? I have the tendency to say to myself "why are they talking to me?" whenever someone approaches me. It's a habit I've had my whole life and it really fucks with my self esteem.

How does one walk up to someone and say something to them? I'm so anxious and shy that it's pathetic.

[QUOTE=Laserbeams;48878205]How does one walk up to someone and say something to them? I'm so anxious and shy that it's pathetic.[/QUOTE] On my first week in uni I was at a bar with a friend and her friends, and when I went to get some money from ATM I heard a girl talking to a guy next to me about programming, so I immediately asked them if I heard it right and now the girl is from my course so I see her really often and we frequently meet and with her friends(well now they are mine as well). I just kinda did it on impulse, but I had a good reason to. Doing it completely random to random people, I have no clue how.

[QUOTE=Laserbeams;48878205]How does one walk up to someone and say something to them? I'm so anxious and shy that it's pathetic.[/QUOTE] Same boat here. I just focus less on my own anxiety and more on what the person is saying, and I try not to think too much about my response. Whatever comes to mind first is usually what I say. I don't approach people often but when I do I try to have a question or statement ready beforehand. Something simple, preferably somehow relevant to the environment or situation around me. Randomly asking a stranger a seemingly random question could put them off, so making it relevant helps. The more I do this, the more comfortable I become with random interactions. I'm still shy as fuck around attractive girls tho, they're the final boss of social interaction for me

[QUOTE=blerb;48878302]Same boat here. I just focus less on my own anxiety and more on what the person is saying, and I try not to think too much about my response. Whatever comes to mind first is usually what I say. I don't approach people often but when I do I try to have a question or statement ready beforehand. Something simple, preferably somehow relevant to the environment or situation around me. Randomly asking a stranger a seemingly random question could put them off, so making it relevant helps. The more I do this, the more comfortable I become with random interactions. I'm still shy as fuck around attractive girls tho, they're the final boss of social interaction for me[/QUOTE] When I'm saying what I'm thinking and when I'm anxious, really stupid shit tends to come out of my mouth [editline]11th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=RocketRacer;48878267]On my first week in uni I was at a bar with a friend and her friends, and when I went to get some money from ATM I heard a girl talking to a guy next to me about programming, so I immediately asked them if I heard it right and now the girl is from my course so I see her really often and we frequently meet and with her friends(well now they are mine as well). I just kinda did it on impulse, but I had a good reason to. Doing it completely random to random people, I have no clue how.[/QUOTE] So it seems that making friends is a matter of luck then

My mum had a work leaving meal thing last night and my ex went along since she works with my mum, apparently the guy she left me for didn't want her going, they had a big argument and she went out anyway, and stayed out as late as you can here (3am). It's a relief to hear that she's standing up to him and doing what she wants considering the kind of person he is. I worry about her a lot but hopefully she's realising what kind of person he really is.

[QUOTE=Laserbeams;48878205]How does one walk up to someone and say something to them? I'm so anxious and shy that it's pathetic.[/QUOTE] you just do (ha thanks great advice right) you don't learn how to deal with social situations and talking to strangers on the internet, you do it by, well, being in social situations and talking to strangers

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;48875043]I'd wish it was that easy. She's very wary of sharing any personal information about herself. I've asked about her personal life before, like what her education is - she said she's an educated game designer, but she refused to elaborate on it. And being me, I didn't want to push her. She's always dodged revealing her real name as well, even after I've shared mine. She lives in Berlin, I know that much, which is maybe half a day's trip with bus and train, so it's none too bad. For our mutual friend, I've started talking to him more in the hopes that my jealousy would just slowly fade away. I suppose it's kinda working so far? I dunno. I have no real expectations that she shares the same feelings for me as I do for her. Frankly, which I realized today, I'm just too emotionally attached to her - and I wonder if I should tell her about my feelings in the wane hope that it'll make me feel better. I've even contemplated telling our mutual friend because I feel like a fucking asshole for some of the messed up thoughts I've had.[/QUOTE] I understand her position, I mean you don't have as much contact as I thought you did. So she's just sort of a pen pall who you don't know or met in real life, yet you became so much emotionally attached to her out of a few online conversations. And even so, you don't even know this woman, but she's as close as you're getting from someone who's interested in you. I hate to break it down to you. But if she's a down to earth kind of person, she won't feel the same infatuation for you as you feel for her. I don't think it will work that way. You two don't even have anything yet. There's no actual friendship there, let alone a spark between you two. Are you a solitary person? Do you go out and mingle with girls at all? Sometimes being depressive makes us desperately cling and fantasize with people who give us attention and show interest. That doesn't mean she likes you the way you do. And I think you're taking your infatuation kinda out of proportion, looking at things like they are. I don't think you two even met each other that well to even consider a date, let alone letting her know of your feelings. Of course, all is not lost, if you still want to pursue your infatuation. (I would personally move on if I were you though, because there are lots of people out there you haven't even met, trust me, but it's really up to you). If you want you can keep on talking to her. But if things only happen through WoW, or online chat, there's a point when it's gonna get stale, and the conversation will die off. I won't tell you what to do, that's up to you. However, I'd recommend you think this through very well. I'd recommend you to try and meet people locally. Sometimes it seems like you go out at night in your city and you're always seeing the same people and you get a notion that everyone's uninteresting. But trust me, it takes just going out trying to make friends, to meet that one person or one group that will open you the door for more friends. Why am I telling you to meet new people in person? Because I think you don't do it that much and you create false expectations when a girl talks to you with a certain degree of intimacy. I think you might need to create real relations with people to get your notions right about how to correctly invest your feelings for someone. Cause I don't think you have that much of a shot with this one, to be honest. [editline]11th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Merijnwitje;48875958]So, I'm dealing with some weird shit related to my sexual interests, and honestly I'm quite worried if I'm straight, bisexual or gay. This might not fit entirely in this thread, but since it's socially related I don't know where else to. To put it easy, specific men related clothing appears to be the only thing right now that turns me on. Could be suits, or uniforms. I've always been thinking about woman breasts, or other parts of a woman body but I haven't really noticed the same. Then I've been comparing that image on my mind to a male body, same deal. Somehow it's specifically clothing that turns me on. For example, a friend of mine today wore some specific jumpsuit and it actually did manage to turn me on too. Could this because I might be stuck in a closet or something? So far I've never been thinking seriously about building up a love relationship with a girl. Only once in my life I've seen a girl I liked, but I was 12 by then and she was 16-18. I can't tell if above symptoms are simply caused because I've never been thinking about girls a lot and I'm pretty introverted about that. When it comes to friends I only have a very small group where I often play with, and my school has low hanging fruit. Right now I'm 16, and this is the first time I've actually spilled my beans about my crazy ass fetish. This has been something I've dealt with for longer, but never really collected the mood to tell it someone. Chances are I just shove have to come out of the closet one way or another, but I don't know how to take that step. But how would that explain the lack of excitement from a woman body?[/QUOTE] You're starting to find out about your sexuality and that's pretty normal. I just don't think you should be worrying about settling yourself for an "official" sexual orientation. You don't need to come out of the closet about it. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Who cares if you're bi, straight or gay, really, just go with whatever you're into. People have a lot of fetishes about the weirdest stuff. There are straight guys out there that had tried same sex relations and that doesn't necessarily mean they're gay or closet homosexuals. I don't really get this new trend where people need to tell everyone their sexuality. Just keep discovering about yourself and don't worry about labeling it.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48880382]I understand her position, I mean you don't have as much contact as I thought you did. So she's just sort of a pen pall who you don't know or met in real life, yet you became so much emotionally attached to her out of a few online conversations. And even so, you don't even know this woman, but she's as close as you're getting from someone who's interested in you. I hate to break it down to you. But if she's a down to earth kind of person, she won't feel the same infatuation for you as you feel for her. I don't think it will work that way. You two don't even have anything yet. There's no actual friendship there, let alone a spark between you two. Are you a solitary person? Do you go out and mingle with girls at all? Sometimes being depressive makes us desperately cling and fantasize with people who give us attention and show interest. That doesn't mean she likes you the way you do. And I think you're taking your infatuation kinda out of proportion, looking at things like they are. I don't think you two even met each other that well to even consider a date, let alone letting her know of your feelings. Of course, all is not lost, if you still want to pursue your infatuation. (I would personally move on if I were you though, because there are lots of people out there you haven't even met, trust me, but it's really up to you). If you want you can keep on talking to her. But if things only happen through WoW, or online chat, there's a point when it's gonna get stale, and the conversation will die off. I won't tell you what to do, that's up to you. However, I'd recommend you think this through very well. I'd recommend you to try and meet people locally. Sometimes it seems like you go out at night in your city and you're always seeing the same people and you get a notion that everyone's uninteresting. But trust me, it takes just going out trying to make friends, to meet that one person or one group that will open you the door for more friends. Why am I telling you to meet new people in person? Because I think you don't do it that much and you create false expectations when a girl talks to you with a certain degree of intimacy. I think you might need to create real relations with people to get your notions right about how to correctly invest your feelings for someone. Cause I don't think you have that much of a shot with this one, to be honest.[/QUOTE] I think you've severely misunderstood what I've said. We are friends - I've known her for close to a year, we speak practically daily (except for a period earlier this year, but that pretty much happens with everyone I know), we both initiate conversations and so on. As for my infatuation, I'm not blinded by "love". I did say I hardly think she has the same manner of feelings for me as I might have for her, which is why I haven't told her anything outright. I do go out every now and then. It's been impossible for the past month though due to a surgery I had. Lastly, as I should've worded better perhaps, yes, I know my infatuation is silly. I really do. I'm not interested in long distance relationships with anyone, since I'd be terrible at it. But I'm not gonna pretend that I don't have any feelings for her.

[QUOTE=Merijnwitje;48875958]But how would that explain the lack of excitement from a woman body?[/QUOTE] Well, like you said in the rest of your post: you seem to get turned on by men, and not by women. Although I'm not gay, and never had the same kind of problems you have, it really seems that your suspicion about still being in the closet is right! Maybe you should consider the fact that you are actually gay. Which is a great thing, since a lot of people in this country are too :v:

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;48880481]I think you've severely misunderstood what I've said. We are friends - I've known her for close to a year, we speak practically daily (except for a period earlier this year, but that pretty much happens with everyone I know), we both initiate conversations and so on. As for my infatuation, I'm not blinded by "love". I did say I hardly think she has the same manner of feelings for me as I might have for her, which is why I haven't told her anything outright. I do go out every now and then. It's been impossible for the past month though due to a surgery I had. Lastly, as I should've worded better perhaps, yes, I know my infatuation is silly. I really do. I'm not interested in long distance relationships with anyone, since I'd be terrible at it. But I'm not gonna pretend that I don't have any feelings for her.[/QUOTE] Misunderstanding or not, unless she, by any chance, feels the same way about you, you won't have much of a chance if you guys don't know each other in person. I don't think that internet palls even qualifies as a friendship. People over the internet only show what they want to show. Real friendships do not just involve sharing text and chatting over the internet every day, no matter how deep the conversations may be. It also involves knowing the person behind the screen. Do you really know her beyond the image of herself you have out of your conversations? Did you ever meet in person? Do you really like her?