Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;48916310]If you're obsessed with a girl, its because she's become your hobby. Get a new hobby and get more friends. Like hell, how can you worry about dating when you have legendary weapons to craft on Guild Wars 2?[/QUOTE] Or stamps to collect

So there's a girl I've known for a while but gotten to know much better over the past month and I really like her, there's just a couple of things that I need to get past first. First problem is she's part of our friend group, so if shit hits the fan then that's going to backfire on me. Most of my friends have figured out that I have a crush on her though. Second thing is I've never had a single relationship with someone ever before since I had the brilliant idea that I should combat my anxiety through staying indoors (I've realised that's dumb now), so I have no idea where the fuck to start. We've been texting each other almost every night and I see her quite often, in 4 lessons each week, lunch times, after school, sometimes walking but sometimes I don't really have much to say. Basically I need advice on everything.

ask her to a thing or whatever

I don't really know how best to phrase my question but I'm just going to try my best to come out and say it: I have a very hard time keeping conversation with people and, I think partially for that reason, a hard time making friends. Like, I just feel like I don't really know [I]how[/I] to make a friend in real life. That isn't to say I don't have friends online or that I can't actually talk to friends face-to-face I've already made, but when it comes to actually finding friends IRL I just can't seem to do it at all. It's one of those things that feels like it should be intuitive but it's just lost on me and I'm embarrassed by it. Does anyone have any advice? [editline]poop[/editline] One more thing, I don't think it's necessarily a problem with "getting out there." I've joined clubs and have had friendly conversations with coworkers and people that I've met in the past, but the second I'm outside the club or work they're pretty much strangers again, I've never had someone I've actually been able to hang out with in my free time. I don't know if that helps or not.

I normally don't have issues with my LDR but today's our anniversary and I'm really feeling the distance today. Makes me a little sad.

first date guys wml

[QUOTE=Sector 7;48918363]ask her to a thing or whatever[/QUOTE] "Do you want to go to a thing or whatever?"

[QUOTE=Banandana;48918540]"Do you want to go to a thing or whatever?"[/QUOTE] omg yes *swoon*

[QUOTE=Sector 7;48918584]omg yes *swoon*[/QUOTE] Omg yes I'm going to try this

[QUOTE=titopei;48918531]first date guys wml[/QUOTE] i think it went ok but its like idk. She was into it and laughing at all my jokes and we both seemed like we enjoyed it, but it just felt really casual. It didn't really have like a date vibe, and it's difficult for me to be flirty. I've only been able to be flirty with my ex and thats mostly because shes rly easy to tease but it's like I can't do it with other girls

that's what a first date with a stranger is - basically just a quick pass with the minesweeper

It's just random clicking on the boxes hoping you didn't make them explode as you feel out for mines that's an awesome analogy :v:

I'm kinda torn guys. I keep having thoughts about getting back with my ex. We broke up 3 months ago, because we both started to feel like we were drifting. We were together for a year and a half, we had our ups and downs but were a really happy couple. I just keep thinking about how great she was and I miss her, on the flip side what if there's someone better out there i just haven't met yet?

how do i tell a coworker who has special needs to leave me the fuck alone in the nicest possible way Basically he asked some of us for our Facebooks and if we wanted to be his friend on there and I said yeah because I didn't see a reason not to The following day he asks for my number in the most creepiest way by using that "request for number" thing fb has and then sending me a message asking, I didn't see the harm into it 0.5 seconds later my phone explodes with a call from an unsaved number and I knew it was him and I was busy with Uni work Few days later I came back home after spending sometime with my friends and I was in the process of cooking this beaut of a dish (rice and chicken, was fuckin perfecto) and my phone blew up Now he calls me at random hours or talks to me at crazily late hours (like 4am) wanting to talk. I feel he's lonely and this job is all that he has really to being happy and having people to talk to but honestly I have no time and I feel bad to go up to him and say "please stop" I just don't want to be seen like an arsehole that's all, he's just getting annoying

your first mistake was facebook friending a coworker something of a segue, but is anyone else absolutely creeped out by mentally handicapped people? I literally cannot stand them. It's not a conscious decision on my part - I know it's pretty shitty - but I was in the grocery store the other day next to one of those guys who yells out incoherently every few minutes (he was with his mom I think, also looked like he was 30) and I got weird violent shivers down my spine when he walked behind me

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48920908]how do i tell a coworker who has special needs to leave me the fuck alone in the nicest possible way Basically he asked some of us for our Facebooks and if we wanted to be his friend on there and I said yeah because I didn't see a reason not to The following day he asks for my number in the most creepiest way by using that "request for number" thing fb has and then sending me a message asking, I didn't see the harm into it 0.5 seconds later my phone explodes with a call from an unsaved number and I knew it was him and I was busy with Uni work Few days later I came back home after spending sometime with my friends and I was in the process of cooking this beaut of a dish (rice and chicken, was fuckin perfecto) and my phone blew up Now he calls me at random hours or talks to me at crazily late hours (like 4am) wanting to talk. I feel he's lonely and this job is all that he has really to being happy and having people to talk to but honestly I have no time and I feel bad to go up to him and say "please stop" I just don't want to be seen like an arsehole that's all, he's just getting annoying[/QUOTE] The shittiest thing is that he probably does feel lonely, if he truly is special needs then try and talk to him about it politely, but not in an aggressive manner. Dealing with these kinds of people gets a bit touchy at times. It's up to you really, but try being his friend and maybe let him know that it's obviously not okay to bother you at 4am or whatever.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;48920946]I feel the same way. They're just so unpredictable and you just don't know what they'll do. If they get violent, it isn't like you can do anything about it either, then you just look like an asshole.[/QUOTE] The only thing to really do in a situation where someone who is mentally handicapped gets violent is to try to restrain them as best as possible or assist their carer in both doing that and calming them down It's not a situation you ever want to be in, restraining someone with special needs is very hard especially since you don't want to hurt them + make them even more distressed [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] This dude tho isn't like that, I think he's mentally handicapped in a way where he doesn't understand social cues and tries to be very friendly. I wouldn't say autism because I'm not a doctor, but my manager told me he had some problems

[QUOTE=Sector 7;48920486]that's what a first date with a stranger is - basically just a quick pass with the minesweeper[/QUOTE] I already knew them a little bit tho I just asked them to dinner

[QUOTE=puppy156;48920981]The shittiest thing is that he probably does feel lonely, if he truly is special needs then try and talk to him about it politely, but not in an aggressive manner. Dealing with these kinds of people gets a bit touchy at times. It's up to you really, but try being his friend and maybe let him know that it's obviously not okay to bother you at 4am or whatever.[/QUOTE] It's hard to do that considering I don't want to make him upset at work, all I really can do is buy time and just say I'm busy. It's not to out of hand right now, but if he was to call me every second of the day I would be pissed off. I'm not the only one he does this to, he has tried getting numbers off people at work and most have turned him down or given him fake numbers, some people have also changed their name on Facebook to avoid being searched (by him but also others like customers since I and many others are delivery drivers) It's such a shit spot to be placed in

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48921209]The only thing to really do in a situation where someone who is mentally handicapped gets violent is to try to restrain them as best as possible or assist their carer in both doing that and calming them down It's not a situation you ever want to be in, restraining someone with special needs is very hard especially since you don't want to hurt them + make them even more distressed [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] This dude tho isn't like that, I think he's mentally handicapped in a way where he doesn't understand social cues and tries to be very friendly. I wouldn't say autism because I'm not a doctor, but my manager told me he had some problems[/QUOTE] Could be aspergers. My coworker is the exact same way.

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48921209]The only thing to really do in a situation where someone who is mentally handicapped gets violent is to try to restrain them as best as possible or assist their carer in both doing that and calming them down It's not a situation you ever want to be in, restraining someone with special needs is very hard especially since you don't want to hurt them + make them even more distressed [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] This dude tho isn't like that, I think he's mentally handicapped in a way where he doesn't understand social cues and tries to be very friendly. I wouldn't say autism because I'm not a doctor, but my manager told me he had some problems[/QUOTE] Difficulty understanding social cues probably puts him somewhere on the autism spectrum. If it interests you, it wouldn't hurt to do a bit of online research into autism/Aspergers to get a better understanding of where the guy's coming from. It might help you figure out how to handle the situation tactfully. [QUOTE=fruxodaily;48920908]Basically he asked some of us for our Facebooks and if we wanted to be his friend on there and I said yeah because I didn't see a reason not to The following day he asks for my number in the most creepiest way by using that "request for number" thing fb has and then sending me a message asking, I didn't see the harm into it Now he calls me at random hours or talks to me at crazily late hours (like 4am) wanting to talk. I feel he's lonely and this job is all that he has really to being happy and having people to talk to but honestly I have no time and I feel bad to go up to him and say "please stop"[/QUOTE] You had misgivings about the situation from the start, but you never communicated that any of these things were bothering you. Even someone more adept with social cues might not have realized that they were upsetting you - you not only didn't give any indication that you had a problem with the situation, but you were complicit in moving things forward. You willingly added him on facebook and willingly gave him your number, which says that you're okay with him calling/texting you. He initiated it, but you had the option to say no. In general, make sure you set your boundaries and stick to them. When someone does something you dislike and you don't react to it at all, you're telling them that you're fine with it and that it's okay for them to do it again. This doesn't just apply to people with autism - if you have anyone in your life who complains about how all their friends always ask them for favors and they're so overwhelmed, it's because the problem is that they keep agreeing to do favors for people. People ask because they know you'll say yes.

When I give people my number, the last thing I expect them to do is to call me. I thought he wanted it to text me, I would of been okay with that but he called me. I have no idea about where you are the norm over here is that you always ask before you call someone OR you call when a situation is dire I was okay giving him this information because all I expected him to do was to text me not call me. I never at all granted him a cue to call me. Literally this is how it played out [img]http://i.imgur.com/2BXtpCk.png[/img] (Bondu is the Punjabi word for gay, he says it all the time because the Indians teach him words and its annoying)

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48921331]When I give people my number, the last thing I expect them to do is to call me. I thought he wanted it to text me, I would of been okay with that but he called me. I have no idea about where you are the norm over here is that you always ask before you call someone OR you call when a situation is dire I was okay giving him this information because all I expected him to do was to text me not call me. I never at all granted him a cue to call me.[/QUOTE] It's fair that you didn't specifically expect a call, but I assume that when he asked for your number, you already were aware that he had issues picking up on social cues. If he was bothering you on Facebook already then maybe offering him more ways to contact you wasn't the best idea. You could have also just declined to give him your number, but by giving him it, you sent him the message that his behavior up until that point hadn't put you off enough to want to limit contact with him. [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] It's also possible I'm misunderstanding and that your only issue with your relationship with him is that he keeps calling you at bad times. If that's the case, and you don't want to sever/limit your relationship with him outside of that, you might want to be specific when you speak to him about it - avoid making general statements about your relationship and just tell him that his frequent calls are interrupting your sleep/school.

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48921225]It's hard to do that considering I don't want to make him upset at work, all I really can do is buy time and just say I'm busy. It's not to out of hand right now, but if he was to call me every second of the day I would be pissed off. I'm not the only one he does this to, he has tried getting numbers off people at work and most have turned him down or given him fake numbers, some people have also changed their name on Facebook to avoid being searched (by him but also others like customers since I and many others are delivery drivers) It's such a shit spot to be placed in[/QUOTE] I feel really bad for this guy now, do you think you could maybe text him about it or something? Maybe explain it to him after work or something?

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48921354]It's fair that you didn't specifically expect a call, but I assume that when he asked for your number, you already were aware that he had issues picking up on social cues. If he was bothering you on Facebook already then maybe offering him more ways to contact you wasn't the best idea. You could have also just declined to give him your number, but by giving him it, you sent him the message that his behavior up until that point hadn't put you off enough to want to limit contact with him. [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] It's also possible I'm misunderstanding and that your only issue with your relationship with him is that he keeps calling you at bad times. If that's the case, and you don't want to sever/limit your relationship with him outside of that, you might want to be specific when you speak to him about it - avoid making general statements about your relationship and just tell him that his frequent calls are interrupting your sleep/school.[/QUOTE] I understood at the time his difficulty in social cues but from experience I hadn't at all thought he would call me, I knew quite obviously he would talk to me a lot and I was okay with him messaging me a lot because it's easy to I suppose, sidetrack those sort of things (30 minute response times) I will if he keeps it up, it's just hard to continue giving him the same bullshit excuse. I just know it'll get worse as time goes on My relationship with him is work, I don't want to be his actual friend, he's like 30 years old and acts like my age and thinks any photo I like on Instagram is "my girl" or something. I don't want to be a disheartened cunt and say that, but he needs to know in a way that's not hurtful you feel? [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=puppy156;48921440]I feel really bad for this guy now, do you think you could maybe text him about it or something? Maybe explain it to him after work or something?[/QUOTE] Probably explain it after work, but I feel I need to inform my other collogues when he's not working, even though they've told me about his behaviour, we've never had a great amount of time talking about it (because when your in the pizza delivery industry your in-out-in-out, there's no time to speak)

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48921489]I understood at the time his difficulty in social cues but from experience I hadn't at all thought he would call me, I knew quite obviously he would talk to me a lot and I was okay with him messaging me a lot because it's easy to I suppose, sidetrack those sort of things (30 minute response times) I will if he keeps it up, it's just hard to continue giving him the same bullshit excuse. I just know it'll get worse as time goes on My relationship with him is work, I don't want to be his actual friend, he's like 30 years old and acts like my age and thinks any photo I like on Instagram is "my girl" or something. I don't want to be a disheartened cunt and say that, but he needs to know in a way that's not hurtful you feel? [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] Probably explain it after work, but I feel I need to inform my other collogues when he's not working, even though they've told me about his behaviour, we've never had a great amount of time talking about it (because when your in the pizza delivery industry your in-out-in-out, there's no time to speak)[/QUOTE] I don't post here much and I know this is pretty off topic... But man, shit like this.. Just makes me so sad about the world. Like, I seriously try so hard not to think about it. But there's no denying it out there, everywhere. Some people are literally locked up spending the days of their life wasting away in front of TV's and stuff like this. I always find myself getting so angry when people try to say everybody is born equally. Like, it's fucking ignorance. I try so hard to be nice in every situation something like this is thrown at me socially, but it normally just gets fucking awkward and shit and I just wish I would have never done anything just to be nice. Like fuck. There was literally this guy just at the store the other day, had something a bit wrong with him. He had one microwave dinner he'd bought in one of those half size carts. I was also looking for a half size cart, picking up like three 24 packs of water. In the aisle (shitty small town krogers) there were no half carts left, so I was like hey, I can take that for you. I mean, this guy has one fucking microwave dinner. In a bag. Dude freaks the FUCK out at me, makes this bigass scene. I got outrageously pissed, I honestly wanted to fucking deck him. Why does this shit happen? Like damn, fuck my life for trying to be nice. Sorry tho guys. Just needed to vent.

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48921489]My relationship with him is work, I don't want to be his actual friend, he's like 30 years old and acts like my age and thinks any photo I like on Instagram is "my girl" or something. I don't want to be a disheartened cunt and say that, but he needs to know in a way that's not hurtful you feel?[/QUOTE] Right now your avoidance tactics/excuses are coming down to temporary ones, like "I can't talk right now", when you're actually hoping for a long-term change. Most socially adept people understand the true meaning of frequent excuses, since a lot of our communication is implied rather than explicit, but it sounds like your coworker isn't picking up on that. In general, try to avoid personal remarks when you discuss it with him, and focus on actual behaviors rather than your judgments of those behaviors. Take accountability of your feelings rather than projecting them on him. Instead of saying he's coming off as clingy by calling you all the time, you can say that you wish he wouldn't call so frequently because you're uncomfortable talking on the phone.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48921565]Right now your avoidance tactics/excuses are coming down to temporary ones, like "I can't talk right now", when you're actually hoping for a long-term change. Most socially adept people understand the true meaning of frequent excuses, since a lot of our communication is implied rather than explicit, but it sounds like your coworker isn't picking up on that. In general, try to avoid personal remarks when you discuss it with him, and focus on actual behaviors rather than your judgments of those behaviors. Take accountability of your feelings rather than projecting them on him. Instead of saying he's coming off as clingy by calling you all the time, you can say that you wish he wouldn't call so frequently because you're uncomfortable talking on the phone.[/QUOTE] this is good advice and ill see how it goes in practice thank you!!

I always thought Tinder was a joke, but now I have a girlfriend because of it :excited:

Little update, I called my gf out on what she did. She just told me to get over it and stop crying about it. How do I even respond to that?