Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Sector 7;48918363]ask her to a thing or whatever[/QUOTE] Didn't even need to, she text me this morning asking if I wanted to go into town with her.

[QUOTE=Jame's;48922229]Little update, I called my gf out on what she did. She just told me to get over it and stop crying about it. How do I even respond to that?[/QUOTE] That's a pretty disrespectful response from her. Now I'm not caught up on what she did, but I would personally re-evaluate my relationship with her. Unless she was just joking around? But even still with that, it doesn't seem very respectful to joke around when you want to talk seriously.

I used to work with a colleague at university who had schizophrenia. Working with him was impossible. And since he was totally lonely, he started seeing a friend in me. I was ok with it. I always like to lend a hand on people who are having a tough time adapting but working with the guy was impossible. And since we had a lot of classes together, he would just glue himself on me whenever there was an assignment to make. He would call me non stop due to work. And then, due to his condition, his conversations would circle round and round and round over and over again over the same subjects. It was like he was stuck in a loop. I didn't want to be rude or anything either so I would just let it slide. But sometimes he would just stuck his head into something he needed to do - for example - in a programming assignment he starts having ideas of how to implement a procedure and they're obviously wrong, and I'm like telling him and he knows it's wrong but he still has to follow through. Working with him started to become torture. And I really liked this guy despite all his problems though. But I had to think about my career too. My situation kinda resolved itself though, he had tremendous difficulties in doing group assignments. He could never go through with them because his mental illness would make him get stuck in an endless loop around problems he encountered. However, when it came to math related subjects, the guy would just ace everything. However, due to the assignment based subjects, he started falling behind on the degree and I kept seeing him less often each semester. In the meantime I stopped answering his calls when it wasn't convenient to me. And whenever we'd meet in the hallway in school I'd say hello, chat a bit, pretend I'm in a hurry or something and then go about my business. People don't usually react bad when you go about your business, only when you tell em to back off. So I think that's what you gotta do. Don't give him much confidence. Don't answer phone calls. Pretend you're too busy. Eventually he'll start to back off on his own. [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Jame's;48922229]Little update, I called my gf out on what she did. She just told me to get over it and stop crying about it. How do I even respond to that?[/QUOTE] You do what she says? Pointing out stuff like "you did this to me! You're guilty" never works out. It's usually perceived as a lack of comprehension and unwillingness on compromise on the resolution of the problem. Anyway, what did she allegedly do to you?

I asked her to come over yesterday (I had a rough week, rents gone up, my dog got hit by a car) but she declined so she could relax at home by herself. Now I had a slight problem with that due to stress but I got over it as I know everyone likes a bit of time alone. However last night she accepted an invitation to go out drinking with a person who she has been trying to ditch as a 'friend' for months. She literally couldn't stand this person and now she's going out with her for drinks. I got quite annoyed that she claimed she needed time alone to relax then to go out to buy weed and go drink and smoke with her much loved friend. To be honest it wasn't what she decided to do that annoyed me, it was more of how she was communicating with me. I asked her why she did what she did and she replied with "her (friend) house is closer" and "sure it was a dick move but what's the point of crying over it now". She just came across as really uncaring and acted as if it wasn't a big deal.

-snip-

Well. There's always the option to stay angry and frustrated about it.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48923131]So... get over it. What's the point?[/QUOTE] I don't believe that's very helpful advice. It sounds a lot like what you were just upset about -- your gf somehow being uncaring toward you. @Jame's If she's leaving blatant clues that she doesn't care about how you feel, there's absolutely no obligation for you to give her any effort or affection in return. Girls' minds might be hard to understand, but nothing ever justifies letting someone walk all over you.

Get over it, I finally admitted that I love her.

[QUOTE=dnqboy;48923363]I don't believe that's very helpful advice. It sounds a lot like what you were just upset about -- your gf somehow being uncaring toward you. @Jame's If she's leaving blatant clues that she doesn't care about how you feel, there's absolutely no obligation for you to give her any effort or affection in return. Girls' minds might be hard to understand, but nothing ever justifies letting someone walk all over you.[/QUOTE] Thanks for your input, I made it clear what my limits are. I'll just talk to her in person and sort this.

-snip-

It's not "starting a battle" to call your SO out on their bullshit. As far as I can tell, she IS being kind of a dick for no apparent reason. And the point of relationships is to be close enough to each other that you CAN call them out on shit like that. If she legitimately doesn't seem to care, I would reconsider why you're with her. Especially if this is a constant attitude she's having.

So it's not picking a battle but at the same time it's about reconsidering the relationship. I don't get it. You want the confrontational aproach when it's just a matter of sitting down and talking about it without making it such a big deal. It isn't.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48923610]So it's not picking a battle but at the same time it's about reconsidering the relationship. I don't get it. You want the confrontational aproach when it's just a matter of sitting down and talking about it without making it such a big deal. It isn't.[/QUOTE] It shouldn't be confrontational. You're in a relationship. You should be trusting each other to a certain degree where saying something is normal. And gauging whether or not that person is still someone you want to spend time with isn't a huge deal either. Reconsidering your relationship and where you stand in it is normal behavior despite taboo deeming it not so. You don't let these things just slide without saying something about them, otherwise it leads to more problems in the future and her thinking she is fully justified in treating him like he's less than. Granted, she may have a reason for doing what she's doing, but she's not giving any valid explanation or reasoning for her behavior and attitude at the present, and that's where the issue is. If your relationship doesn't have appropriate communication and you're treating someone or being treated as though they or you are not worth an explanation for attitude and bad behavior, then you should not be in that relationship. It's simple as. Just "getting over it" doesn't work, dude.

I see your point now. Yes I agree completely.

How would you like it if people responded to your posts about your issues with your girlfriend with "just get over it"? Saying that has never helped anyone. Show some respect. Relationships shouldn't make you feel worse about yourself and the absolute worst thing you can do is discredit someone's feelings and tell them to repress them rather than figure out what's causing them. Repressed feelings do not go away until you deal with them, and they add to your overall issues as a person. 90% of therapy is just unpacking repressed issues and finding ways to resolve them. Don't add to that laundry list of issues by encouraging that behavior. [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] Seriously... Someone is having issue with his girlfriend treating him in a dehumanizing way and telling him his opinion doesn't matter, and then he goes to an advice thread and gets the exact same treatment. When everyone you talk to responds to you in the same dehumanizing way, it affects how you feel you deserve to be treated. It affects your self-esteem and makes you feel inadequate for your ability to deal with problems. Don't put that on other people.

I understand. Like I said. I go back on my word and took the wrong reading out of the case. I'm going through some problems with my girlfriend at the moment and it's making me easily pissed... Like I said before, when I'm like that, a simple call to reason usually works on me here. There's nothing I can really say in my defense other than I totally agree with you.

[QUOTE=meharryp;48922489]Didn't even need to, she text me this morning asking if I wanted to go into town with her.[/QUOTE] So I have no idea if I did anything right but we spent about 3 hours together, and I practically talked to her throughout the entire time we spent together and got to know her better. Also she bought me ice cream so that was cool :P

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48925427]I understand. Like I said. I go back on my word and took the wrong reading out of the case. I'm going through some problems with my girlfriend at the moment and it's making me easily pissed... Like I said before, when I'm like that, a simple call to reason usually works on me here. There's nothing I can really say in my defense other than I totally agree with you.[/QUOTE] That's cool that you agree, but it would be better if you didn't say things like that in the first place. Communication is irreversible, you can't "take back" something mean you said just because you weren't in a good state of mind when you said it. It still is going to affect the person you said it to. Maybe hold off on giving advice when you're upset. Goes for real life too. [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] Not a huge fan of Kantianism overall, but a big part of my own moral philosophy is that doing something good because you wanted to and not because of its moral value doesn't make it morally good. For instance, if you're loyal to your partner, but you're loyal because you have 0 interest in other people anyway, it doesn't make your loyalty morally good. Being kind when you want to be unkind could be considered morally good because you're putting morals over your own personal desires. Only doing what's right when it's easy for you does not make you a good person. Doing what you know is right when you desire to do wrong - staying loyal to your partner despite desiring someone else, or holding your tongue when you're angry - is what determines your morality. In my view, who you "really" are comes through when you're stressed or under the weather and don't have the natural inclination to be good to others. It's why they say you don't really know your partner until you've broken up with them... What's important is how you act when you don't expect to be rewarded for it.

I avoided almost all school stress by being totally apathetic

I need some serious advice FP, My brother and I are compeletely different and almost disconnected from eachother. Currently I'm 18 years old (19 next week) and graduated this year, and my little brother is 16 and just started his secondary education. When I was in secondary education I was generally a very good guy, whom you consider the "popular one" due to me being friends with pretty much everyone in the school. I had no problem talking to girls, had a lot of good male friends aswell and had good grades. I recently started to date a girl from secondary education and its just going better. Literally the second I started secondary education I had over 15 new friends in class. It just floated perfectly. But my brother is just the total opposite. He has no friends in his new class, nobody to talk to and nobody sits next to him during class or lunch. I understand that he wouldn't make any real friends the first couple of days in secondary education like I did but its been 3 months now and he still havnt made a single friend in secondary educarion. He doesnt talk to any girls in his class and he does all his work by himself. Just to clear out neither he or I are bad looking or fat, he is however almost borderline underweight while I am a lot more toned. The only friends he talks to are friends from his former class and even then its pretty rare he talks to them. All day he sits in his room watching anime like Yu-gi-oh and Pokemon and sometimes play games like LoL and CSGO but nothing else. He doesnt wear bad clothes or have bad facial hair or hygene. I really care about him and my worst fear would be him becoming a bully victim (I was bullied for a time in 6th grade by a couple of dicks) and considered the "weird kid" in his school. Personality wise he is similar to me which I at first thought would be a big boost, but he just doesnt appeal to anything. He can't talk to strangers at all. Its almost like he cant communicate with people he dont know and he just stands there staring at a wall or something. And when he manages to talk to somebody he doesnt know he is stiff as hell. Whats even more awkward was when I graduated and I hugged this girl I knew in my class and he just stood there looking like an idiot with a pokerface which seriously made me feel unconfortable. I honestly cant enjoy anything with him around, he just makes me unconfortable to be around and I fear thats what his classmates also do. He isn't negative in his own personality, but he just seems like this guy that everybody rejects because they think he will be a burden to carry which he isnt. I know he can become a better person and become a lot more fun to be around but at the time he just feels like a reject. I really need your advice on him facepunch, I want him to become a better person but I need some advice to help him.

Thanks for the input guys, I've made it clear that I won't be treated as a lesser. She did tell me she's sorry and it was crappy but I'll be seeing her on the weekend to discuss it. I'm just going to tell her I want to be treated as an equal and I don't stick around people who treat others poorly. We did have another disagreement today over photos of us, it took a few months to actually post a pic of us together on social media as she thought its cringey. It didn't bother me too much as I know she's not a fan of pics in any form but I noticed she's alright with her friends posting as many pics of her as they want. I don't really understand why she won't let me tag her in the pics, I sort of feel like she doesn't want anyone to see us together (her facebook friends). I've never been to her home/ met her friends and family or stayed over, is this a problem? It's almost as if she's got relaxed with me now so she's treating me as she treats her friends, she doesn't treat people very nice a lot of the time. But I can't tell her how to live her life. It's taken a while to see this. Edit: I messaged her to ask why she doesn't care and received "not my fault you care too much" "save it for something that matters".

Being on Yik Yak shows me there's a lot of people at Uni that are surprisingly lonely or actually looking for somebody/something. Not sure where I'm going with this but I thought it'd be interesting to share on here rather than Yakking about it...

[QUOTE=Jame's;48930039]Thanks for the input guys, I've made it clear that I won't be treated as a lesser. She did tell me she's sorry and it was crappy but I'll be seeing her on the weekend to discuss it. I'm just going to tell her I want to be treated as an equal and I don't stick around people who treat others poorly. We did have another disagreement today over photos of us, it took a few months to actually post a pic of us together on social media as she thought its cringey. It didn't bother me too much as I know she's not a fan of pics in any form but I noticed she's alright with her friends posting as many pics of her as they want. I don't really understand why she won't let me tag her in the pics, I sort of feel like she doesn't want anyone to see us together (her facebook friends). I've never been to her home/ met her friends and family or stayed over, is this a problem? It's almost as if she's got relaxed with me now so she's treating me as she treats her friends, she doesn't treat people very nice a lot of the time. But I can't tell her how to live her life. It's taken a while to see this. Edit: I messaged her to ask why she doesn't care and received "not my fault you care too much" "save it for something that matters".[/QUOTE] she sounds like a bitch

[QUOTE=Jame's;48930039]Thanks for the input guys, I've made it clear that I won't be treated as a lesser. She did tell me she's sorry and it was crappy but I'll be seeing her on the weekend to discuss it. I'm just going to tell her I want to be treated as an equal and I don't stick around people who treat others poorly. We did have another disagreement today over photos of us, it took a few months to actually post a pic of us together on social media as she thought its cringey. It didn't bother me too much as I know she's not a fan of pics in any form but I noticed she's alright with her friends posting as many pics of her as they want. I don't really understand why she won't let me tag her in the pics, I sort of feel like she doesn't want anyone to see us together (her facebook friends). I've never been to her home/ met her friends and family or stayed over, is this a problem? It's almost as if she's got relaxed with me now so she's treating me as she treats her friends, she doesn't treat people very nice a lot of the time. But I can't tell her how to live her life. It's taken a while to see this. Edit: I messaged her to ask why she doesn't care and received "not my fault you care too much" "save it for something that matters".[/QUOTE] I really take back on what I said earlier because I wasn't really aware of the extent of the lack of notion on her part. One thing that you can take out of that text you just wrote is that she doesn't respect you. embarrassment over being together in public is either a sign of insecurity (which isn't her case, I suppose) or just lack of respect towards you. In a relationship respect is a big foundation. I'd say take some time to think about this. She's your girlfriend and there's no one else out there more well equipped to deal with her and understand her than you. So on the long run you'll know what to do. Whenever I'm frustrated with bad situations with my partner (like at the moment) I usually stop and think "one way or the other, should we stay together or not, this incident won't matter in a year from now" . So use that to keep calm about it. Don't show her your frustration. You have seen that calling her attention towards her unawareness of your feelings isn't working. So if you keep going down that road, she's gonna keep on answering like that and you'll end up more frustrated. And that's a snowball of frustration that will leave her with all the power to walk over you.

It's so difficult trying to talk about it, she just treats it like a none issue. I will say "If you want to chill, treat me with the same respect I show you" to which she replies "cool". She tells me everyone complains about her, but the reason is she doesn't care about anyone. It's just crushing.

Honestly, I wouldn't waste time with her. Being standoffish and distant is one thing. Being a fucking asshole is another.

I'm contemplating cooling things off. But I still care about her deeply, she's in for a very rude awakening when she leaves college. I might give it a few weeks, talk to her and see if she can come to some form of compromise if not I will have to end things I believe.

That's really one of those issues that resolve themselves over a really long talk...

[QUOTE=Jame's;48930039]Edit: I messaged her to ask why she doesn't care and received "not my fault you care too much" "save it for something that matters".[/QUOTE] Are you dating a 6-year-old? Nobody should ever talk to another human being like this, much less their partner. She's told you in about a dozen different ways that she doesn't care about you, your feelings, or your relationship. You're not doing yourself any favors by staying with her. [editline]18th October 2015[/editline] And if you care about her, then consider that by staying with her, you're telling her that it's okay for her to treat other people in her life this way. You're not exactly helping her grow up by encouraging this behavior.

Yeah this girl sounds awful, why even stay tbh