Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

damn son, created a FB group chat with russian speakers that will attend my uni and we have 8 girls and guys(including me) in there. This is gonna be a fun meet up, especially since we agreed to go to same freshers event on 25th.

It's a hard thing to condition yourself out of, especially when you, personally, as well as almost every one of your female friends have had experiences with men who can't take a no.

I don't see why women are archetypically against gun ownership. If I was a chick I would be packing 24/7.

guns are 2 loud for me and I work with kids so I can't keep one on me but if I could and if they didn't terrify me maybe lmao i keep a keychain on me though for that [t]http://media.tumblr.com/94f68fc8119d1f510335978d4621f8c7/tumblr_inline_mjz5oc1LD21qz4rgp.png[/t] i have the blue one. course, i'm not supposed to carry it at work but !!! i do anyway because i work at some shady schools and when the time changes, it's already dark when i leave work. gotta stay safe man

[QUOTE=NoNameForEvil;48613880]are those some kind of ghetto knuckle dusters[/QUOTE] pretty much

woo

[QUOTE=NoNameForEvil;48613880]are those some kind of ghetto knuckle dusters[/QUOTE] yeah they're made out of a hard plastic so they would only do serious damage if you caught someone in the face with em but I mean it's better than nothing. can't carry actual brass knuckles with me lmao i'd probably get fired

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;48613508]Do all women consider guys to be aggressive beasts with unsatisfiable bloodlust when they hear "no"? Cause I see that a lot in this thread, that women think they can't say no.[/QUOTE] Women generally hate being seen as mean and a lot of us are afraid of being called a bitch. Generally women are also more concerned with others' feelings than men are so they're less inclined to be overly direct when it can be avoided (like saying you're just not interested in someone and making it personal, when you could have blamed it on external events like being busy and saved the other person some humiliation).

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;48613508]Do all women consider guys to be aggressive beasts with unsatisfiable bloodlust when they hear "no"?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48615811]Women generally hate being seen as mean and a lot of us are afraid of being called a bitch. Generally women are also more concerned with others' feelings than men are so they're less inclined to be overly direct when it can be avoided (like saying you're just not interested in someone and making it personal, when you could have blamed it on external events like being busy and saved the other person some humiliation).[/QUOTE] I'm going to play devil's advocate so bear with me. Wouldn't it be better to be honest and upfront with someone, especially if you know them well enough. Wouldn't blaming it on an excuse be worse for both people because person 1 will not know the reason they were rejected by Person 2? Being vague with reasons would cause them to obsess over it bringing more harm than good? I would think that being kind and direct would put both of their minds at ease and allow for a return to normal emotions between two friends.

It depends though. Sometimes it's not a friend that you're telling no. Sometimes it's some random dude in a bar who you're completely unfamiliar with and therefore you have no earthly clue how he'll react to a rejection.

[QUOTE=adamsz;48615908]I'm going to play devil's advocate so bear with me. Wouldn't it be better to be honest and upfront with someone, especially if you know them well enough. Wouldn't blaming it on an excuse be worse for both people because person 1 will not know the reason they were rejected by Person 2? Being vague with reasons would cause them to obsess over it bringing more harm than good? I would think that being kind and direct would put both of their minds at ease and allow for a return to normal emotions between two friends.[/QUOTE] I did have a post written up but Pascall makes a good point. Your post is a false dilemma because hurt feelings aren't the only reason you would use an excuse to reject someone. Your own safety is also important.

[QUOTE=adamsz;48615908]I'm going to play devil's advocate so bear with me. Wouldn't it be better to be honest and upfront with someone, especially if you know them well enough. Wouldn't blaming it on an excuse be worse for both people because person 1 will not know the reason they were rejected by Person 2? Being vague with reasons would cause them to obsess over it bringing more harm than good? I would think that being kind and direct would put both of their minds at ease and allow for a return to normal emotions between two friends.[/QUOTE] Obsessing over it isn't the fault of the person rejecting you. A normal, non-desperate, socially adept human being will stop pursuing someone who has rejected them. [editline]4th September 2015[/editline] And most people are able to interpret this sort of communication because it's so common in our society. Lots of people will make excuses not to do things - not just in the context of dating, but when it comes to pretty much any plans they're not interested in. Most people understand what the real purpose is of these excuses. I wouldn't say it's necessarily dishonest to make an excuse just because the majority of people recognize what the underlying message there is ("I'm just not interested, but I don't want to hurt your feelings").

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48615951]Obsessing over it isn't the fault of the person rejecting you. A normal, non-desperate, socially adept human being will stop pursuing someone who has rejected them.[/QUOTE] I feel the need to point out that no matter how you feel about the situation, the most important thing is how you react to it. That's what makes you a normal, non-desperate, socially adept human being, because feelings aren't always logical. [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48615951]And most people are able to interpret this sort of communication because it's so common in our society. Lots of people will make excuses not to do things - not just in the context of dating, but when it comes to pretty much any plans they're not interested in. Most people understand what the real purpose is of these excuses. I wouldn't say it's necessarily dishonest to make an excuse just because the majority of people recognize what the underlying message there is ("I'm just not interested, but I don't want to hurt your feelings").[/QUOTE] I suppose I could take a bit of solace in the fact that using an excuse to reject someone may simply be because they care about your feelings.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;48616093]I wished we lived in an absolutely direct society,[/QUOTE] Welcome to the internet.

Ok, so it's the first time I post here and I need your help with something.[B][U](WARNING: Big novel incoming!)[/U][/B] Last year, I fell in [B]love[/B](I mean real love) with a girl in my class and well... I made a HUGE mistake. Let me explain. When I first told my friend that I loved that girl, I also told him I was extremely shy. So, I told me he would tell her about my feelings and I just said [I]ok[/I]. A day later, he came back to me with the news that she wasn't interested. At first, I was ok with that and I thought that I could learn from that. But, during the lunch, I went to a little secluded corner and I started crying. My English teacher saw me and asked me what was wrong. After explaining what happened, he explained to me I shouldn't have done that and that should had just became friend with her first. He then told me that I should talk to her to settle this out. But before I could talk to her, it was already the summer vacations. So, I left and I couldn't stop thinking of her during the summer. So, that's it for the back-story. Now, fast-forward to NOW! The first week of my third year in High-school(or secondary 3 here in Quebec) is over. This year, the groups are mixed up and I only have one class with her(which is science class btw). Recently, I got a lot of help from my English teacher. He told me to, first, become friend with her and to slowly bring up the subject to her. So basically, I want to try again but with a different approach. But there are some obstacles in my way. I'm extremely shy. Well, I'm not really really shy around other girls, it's like I'm only shy around her because of the fact that she probably still know I like her. And I'm really anxious about talking to her because I'm scared of being mocked by her and her friends and because I'm scared of being rejected. So that's pretty much it. I hope someone can help with this. Thank you in advance. -Benx303

[QUOTE=Benx303;48616668]Last year, I fell in [B]love[/B](I mean real love)...[/QUOTE] Reminds me of my shithead 15-year-old me. Good times. Personally, I'd just let her slide. It's already awkward as it is and it's not like you're forced to bump into her every day. You'll get over it. Befriending her just to bring that shit up again sounds... I don't know... stupid? Since you've never really been in contact, you're not even losing a friend. I'd call that a clean sheet. By the way, this wasn't a big novel. Also don't sign your posts like that, it's too... [I]Canadian[/I]?

So I've got a huge problem that I know can't actually be helped but I really need to vent at least. So 3 weeks ago I had jaw surgery to expand my airway a little since I was at high risk for sleep apnea. Consequently, my mouth has been wired shut since then, and will remain so for at least 3 more. More importantly, I pretty much can't talk. Everything I can vocalize is muffled and grunted from the splint they have in. I was OK at home since my family had the patience to have me repeat everything. But I moved into college today, and although I'm not much of a people person at all, the sheer lack of anyway to effectively communicate is already driving me insane. I narrowly escaped having to introduce myself in the floor meeting which would've been a bitch. I couldn't play in marching band so I I'm really out of the loop with my friend group from last year, and I can barely talk to my roommate. I have to start classes on Tuesday and this whole mute thing is going to last at least until the end of September. I don't know what to do.

Just forget about her Benx, it's not worth stressing yourself over this chick so much. If you ask me, it sounds like you're worrying too much about acquiring a girlfriend and not about going on with life and being yourself. I don't mean to discourage you, but actively hunting for a girl and being stuck on a particular lass for an entire summer like that just doesn't fly and you shouldn't do it. It's distracting and discouraging. You're still young as fuck and you're in your third year of high school as you said. You shouldn't really be putting so much thought into chasing after this one girl, but rather into improving yourself first and just getting along with your life. Things are already kind of awkward with this girl and she's already expressed that she isn't interested, so you should leave her be. Eventually, you'll find someone who'll be glad they met you and you'll be happier for it. A wise person here on FP (I forget who, sorry) once said: [I]"Most of the time, relationships that fall into your lap or come out of the blue are the best ones because nothing is forced. It's far more natural to have a relationship with someone you didnt expect to fall for than a forced one (actively pursuing / trying to get a date with them)."[/I] So basically relax yourself, don't overthink, and try to improve your confidence, meet new people.

[QUOTE=Benx303;48616668]Ok, so it's the first time I post here and I need your help with something.[B][U](WARNING: Big novel incoming!)[/U][/B] Last year, I fell in [B]love[/B](I mean real love) with a girl in my class and well... I made a HUGE mistake. Let me explain. When I first told my friend that I loved that girl, I also told him I was extremely shy. So, I told me he would tell her about my feelings and I just said [I]ok[/I]. A day later, he came back to me with the news that she wasn't interested. At first, I was ok with that and I thought that I could learn from that. But, during the lunch, I went to a little secluded corner and I started crying. My English teacher saw me and asked me what was wrong. After explaining what happened, he explained to me I shouldn't have done that and that should had just became friend with her first. He then told me that I should talk to her to settle this out. But before I could talk to her, it was already the summer vacations. So, I left and I couldn't stop thinking of her during the summer. So, that's it for the back-story. Now, fast-forward to NOW! The first week of my third year in High-school(or secondary 3 here in Quebec) is over. This year, the groups are mixed up and I only have one class with her(which is science class btw). Recently, I got a lot of help from my English teacher. He told me to, first, become friend with her and to slowly bring up the subject to her. So basically, I want to try again but with a different approach. But there are some obstacles in my way. I'm extremely shy. Well, I'm not really really shy around other girls, it's like I'm only shy around her because of the fact that she probably still know I like her. And I'm really anxious about talking to her because I'm scared of being mocked by her and her friends and because I'm scared of being rejected. So that's pretty much it. I hope someone can help with this. Thank you in advance. -Benx303[/QUOTE] no don't try again also you probably weren't in [I]love[/I]

My girlfriend said she was camping with her friend, Samantha until Sunday, and she won't be able to talk until then. I trusted her because she's done this before and delivered pics. [editline]4th September 2015[/editline] I'm talking to Samantha right now and she doesn't know where she is :frown:

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;48618236]My girlfriend said she was camping with her friend, Samantha until Sunday, and she won't be able to talk until then. I trusted her because she's done this before and delivered pics. [editline]4th September 2015[/editline] I'm talking to Samantha right now and she doesn't know where she is :frown:[/QUOTE] Hmm I'm curious as to why she lied and in my opinion you should talk to her about it

Probably won't even answer me until Sunday. This is going to be a looooooooong weekend.

I thought this girl was perfect for me but we were arguing way too much and I took the blame all the time because I wanted to stop living with constant anxiety that things would slip But the night it broke off I felt relaxed, and I went silly because I was in a total self destructive mindset and all I wanted was to be left alone forever because my best friend moved away to another state and I felt fucking useless The time we had in person will never be forgotten, it was like I was walking on the clouds tbh I felt life was heading right for the first time ever but that was a lie, we just fought too much I miss her but she'll be happier off without me, I might message her later but I just feel like my overthinking and over worrying will continue to be destructive and when I literally stopped doing it, I just felt my care was dropping. So I don't know, maybe we're both fucked, nobody will know I don't know why I want to post about it, who knows

[QUOTE=Benx303;48616668] So that's pretty much it. I hope someone can help with this. Thank you in advance. -Benx303[/QUOTE] Okay, here's what I can say, as this reminds me way too much of myself circa late middleschool/High school. I was in your shoes, more or less. I hate to rain on your parade, but that's not real love, no matter how much your brain wants it to be the truth. I had a crush on a girl in the last year of middle school, which stretched into my 3rd year of high school before finally dying out (Or being replaced with another crush, but that's another story). When you want to get into a relationship with someone, it's REALLY easy to make critical mistakes that will cost you "everything" from the very, very beginning. Falling in love with this person before you even interact with her is one of them. It's tough to control, I know, but by falling in love with someone, depending on how obsessed you get over crushes, you will lose control over yourself when you need that composure the absolute most. Not only that, but you've also now attached way too much importance to the idea of getting with this person. Thing is, you can compose yourself completely, and ask a girl out completely by-the-book perfectly, and STILL get rejected. If you have placed all your bets on this person and have told yourself that "she's the one", it's going to hurt like hell, and be a real downer. If you only have a mild "This person might be kinda cool to date" interest, the pain of rejection will be much less severe, being a minor "Oh well, worth a try" thing, if anything. This is how "douchebag jocks" and other extroverted people seem to get all the girls. If it isn't confidence, it's the fact that you never hear about the girls that rejected them because they ask so many out. Don't tell yourself that she's the only girl. I did that, and I was in for the worst depressive episode of my life the day I saw her dating another guy for the first time. It was devastating, and it made me do shit that still makes me cringe today. Crushes like this get unhealthily reinforced when you start analyzing everything they do, looking for clues that they like you. I've mistaken friendliness for interest so many times, which has sustained obsessive crushes to the point where they just wouldn't die off. Trying to be friends with a girl you like will also, most likely, end up badly. I have to agree with Maverick's idea of "Shit or get off the pot" due to my experience of trying to get a girl using the "Being friends" angle. Don't get me wrong, being friends with a girl *can* work in rare occasions, but this will require HUGE amounts of discipline, and being able to cope with the idea of you just being a friend, while having to cope with her dating other guys. In addition, you are essentially lying to her about your intentions. I blew the fuck up on this girl in anger after trying this approach for [I]three years[/I], and lost her permanently not just in chances to date her, but as a good friend that I never appreciated properly. Just don't do it. Also, don't ask a friend to tell her about your feelings. It's just bad. At best, she'll be put off by the fact that you couldn't be upfront. At worst, you can get into a situation where she ends up liking your friend instead. I've seen it happen. Don't let yourself be held back because you're "shy". Dating is essentially advertising, and there's no place for shyness in advertising. You close the deal, or hit the bricks. Your BEST available course of action, in my opinion, is to tackle that shyness problem, and (no way of saying this nicely) to get over her. It's tough to crack your shell; ALL change is uncomfortable. Accept this as a fact. When I was getting my license, I swore I was never going to be able to drive. The first time I got rejected, I swore it was the end of the world. I didn't see that there was a richer life to live beyond liking some random girl, or that one shitty road lesson I had. Also, if nothing else, you're in High school. Fuck anyone who says that High School is the highest point of anyone's life. There's so much to live for. When you really think about the amount of women out there that you could be happy with, moving heaven and earth for one girl isn't worth it. Maybe in sappy romantic movies it is, but not in real life. Edit: Holy wall of text, really sorry.

[QUOTE=Fulsam;48618553]I blew the fuck up on this girl in anger after trying this approach for [I]three years[/I], and lost her permanently not just in chances to date her, but as a good friend that I never appreciated properly. Just don't do it.[/QUOTE] Hey, welcome to the "Three Years Club". Except I didn't rage out and became really, really good friends with the girl, so yeah, I was one of those rare occasions. The relationship sort of cooled off when we graduated from high school and went to college, but there wasn't a single relationship that stayed "hot" after graduation, really. Just don't expect anything better than friends, Benx. I'd still advice to just steer away completely. There's a pattern that says it's not really worth it.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48615811]Women generally hate being seen as mean and a lot of us are afraid of being called a bitch. Generally women are also more concerned with others' feelings than men are so they're less inclined to be overly direct when it can be avoided (like saying you're just not interested in someone and making it personal, when you could have blamed it on external events like being busy and saved the other person some humiliation).[/QUOTE]Personally I'd rather girls simply say they don't like me rather than "I'm sure you'll meet someone wonderful in the fullness of time blah blah.." at least if they're upfront, people I tell the story to can't misinterpret things and say "maybe she likes you" or some other sugary horse shit like that. Giving people false hope is just wrong. It has to be some sort of selfishness to lie to people so you don't feel guilty, just be upfront, accept the guilt and move on.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;48619119]Personally I'd rather girls simply say they don't like me rather than "I'm sure you'll meet someone wonderful in the fullness of time blah blah.." at least if they're upfront, people I tell the story to can't misinterpret things and say "maybe she likes you" or some other sugary horse shit like that. Giving people false hope is just wrong. It has to be some sort of selfishness to lie to people so you don't feel guilty, just be upfront, accept the guilt and move on.[/QUOTE] Who's saying it isn't selfish? All of us are selfish. It's also pretty selfish to blame someone else for your own refusal to recognize those signals and move on. Other people aren't responsible for your emotions. You are. The only one giving you "false hope" is you.

I don't know what to do guys. Should I like be thinking positive, or just anticipate this and break shit off already? My mind is flooding the past day of what she could be doing.

just calm your tits till sunday. [editline]5th September 2015[/editline] and yeah, i know, that's not easy. but try anyway.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48620567]Who's saying it isn't selfish? All of us are selfish. It's also pretty selfish to blame someone else for your own refusal to recognize those signals and move on. Other people aren't responsible for your emotions. You are. The only one giving you "false hope" is you.[/QUOTE]Well it's false hope when it's "I'm sure you'll meet someone wonderful in the fullness of time blah blah..", I mean they don't know the future and sometimes when they flat out avoid the question, they could have just said they don't like me. Being blunt means there is less room for misinterpretation. There isn't much point in caring about my feelings or that of any other stranger. That's what I'd prefer, solid "No!", not some story because they're afraid I'm not man enough to take it.