Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49169960]Hit it off insanely well, sat and talked for 4 hours. And apparently we both lived up to our profile pictures for each other. I haven't crushed on someone this hard since high school. I feel young again![/QUOTE] So this one came over last night and I cooked dinner for us and stuff. And he ended up being here for 28 hours and just left a little while ago. And he continues to not have any personality disorders and I told him about my past issues/trauma and he responded about as well as anyone possibly could and has been super understanding about it. And he sings in the shower. Can I keep him? [editline]29th November 2015[/editline] I swear I'll stop gushing about this, just really excited that I'm not dating a narcissist or sociopath for the first time.

tried out Tinder, so hard to find anyone I wanna swipe like to. either I think they're way out of my league or they're just not attractive enough. hard to see who I'd want to hook up with based solely on apparence. I'll just leave my self as discoverable and see what happens [editline]29th November 2015[/editline] woah my ex popped up in this thing, is this the one where I swipe like?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49207560]Most people advise against it, because you put them in a really shit spot. They are stuck with you at work, so you can really make them feel "trapped" by you. If she doesn't like you, she has to pretend she does anyway and then you'll probably take that the wrong way, and then she'll get even more uncomfortable, and it just causes all sorts of problems. Most people have a separate personality for work, too.[/QUOTE] Huh, yeah okay, that makes sense. It does make this even more of a delicate situation, whether it's romantic or not I'd like if I could hang out with her without making her feel like she has to. She's seemed to like me at least enough to be friends but I'll take that at face value. My work is ridiculously relaxed, so everyone seems to act pretty natural most of the time. Obviously I can't know for sure, but isn't that the point of dating/hanging out with someone?

[QUOTE=PredGD;49207724]tried out Tinder, so hard to find anyone I wanna swipe like to. either I think they're way out of my league or they're just not attractive enough. hard to see who I'd want to hook up with based solely on apparence. I'll just leave my self as discoverable and see what happens [editline]29th November 2015[/editline] woah my ex popped up in this thing, is this the one where I swipe like?[/QUOTE] maybe tinder isnt the right place but id personally like people to hang out with them, possibly become friends if anything. that way you can possibly find people in their circle of friends who aren't using tinder and get a relationship through that. i end up liking profiles on two merits: 1) i like the way they look, and 2) i think their profile/looks makes them interesting and id like to talk to them if anything. sadly 2) hasn't really happened much because the majority of people on the app in my area are huge pro hockey/fishing buffs, i like the idea of hockey but only to play it and i find fishing an absolute godawful pasttime

Anyone have experience with someone being really great and awesome in person but kind of hot-and-cold through text? I'm not really sure what to make of it. I hope I'm just reading too much into it, because she is really amazing in person.

[QUOTE=riku2211;49207537]-snip-[/QUOTE] blah blah blah the main through line i'm getting is you're putting her on a pedestal even though it's not romantic, putting someone on that much of a pedestal is just weird for the person being put on the pedestal they're just a person

who needs friends or a healthy adult relationship when you've got netflix, video games and a soul-destroying degree which keeps you in most days from 9am to 5pm???

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49207581]So this one came over last night and I cooked dinner for us and stuff. And he ended up being here for 28 hours and just left a little while ago. And he continues to not have any personality disorders and I told him about my past issues/trauma and he responded about as well as anyone possibly could and has been super understanding about it. And he sings in the shower. Can I keep him? [editline]29th November 2015[/editline] I swear I'll stop gushing about this, just really excited that I'm not dating a narcissist or sociopath for the first time.[/QUOTE] meanwhile im just meeting wiccans does this guy have a sister? introduce us you know me i'm a swell guy

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49208387]meanwhile im just meeting wiccans does this guy have a sister? introduce us you know me i'm a swell guy[/QUOTE] He has two and at least one of them is lesbian. My gay best friend asked me if he has a brother. Nice to know he approves of this one - he's always known how fucked up my past relationships were before I was willing to admit it myself.

[QUOTE=riku2211;49207537]Hey guys[/QUOTE] Whoa this was like 90% me a year ago. This one girl at work was pretty much my only friend, and I was crazy about her. Long story short, I "asked her out" in a few semi-romantic contexts, but she turned out really flaky and either wasn't interested or (more often) would agree to meet somewhere and then cancel at the last minute. Then would also cancel on the time she suggested to re-schedule. To this day it still happens a lot, so I decided several months ago that I'd rather just be friends with her. She doesn't work with me anymore and I only see her like once a month. The best advice I can give though, is just don't put all your chips on her. That's kind of what I was doing, and more than anything it just stressed me out, whether things were going well or going poorly with her. Do whatever you can to meet other people, not just in a romantic sense. It was such a load off my mind when I started hanging out with other people and had "distractions" from this one girl. If you still want to try though? Ask her to go to something she's interested in. The girl I worked with, for example, was kind of a ~gamer girl~ and she told me once how she could never get any of her friends to go out to a bar with her, so I suggested we go out to this bar I know of with a lot of arcade machines and shit set up, to celebrate the end of her exams one semester. Other than that, the real easy route is to just ask her if she wants to grab lunch or dinner if you both get off work at the same time. Especially if you have some really interesting conversation that day that you want to talk more about. I was "asked out" like this. A girl I work with (that I didn't even have any interest in at the time) just drove up next to me in the parking lot as I was walking out and asked if I want to go to the mall and get lunch with her, because she'd been having a rough day. Eventually some shit really sparked up between me and her but that's a whole other story. Getting food after work is a real simple, easy suggestion unless the person has some really tight schedule that makes it impossible.

I have seen plenty of good long term relationships happen between co-workers at my company. Buuuuuuut yeah I started hooking up with this girl from work for a couple months. I got feelings and she broke it off. So now I am depressed as fuck and have to see her all the time so it is incredibly hard to get over.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;49209006]Whoa this was like 90% me a year ago.[/QUOTE] Damn, that sucks. I wouldn't say I'm crazy over this girl, but I guess I was about ready to 'put all my chips on her', mostly because I have no other way to make friends right now and I already feel like I could be friends with her (rather than just acquaintances at work). Those are good ideas though, I hadn't thought of it that way. Maybe I just have to wait until I find something she'd like to do. Problem is she's really into books, TV, and movies, so far I don't know a whole lot more, and it's difficult to go that route when starting to hang out with someone. Lunch/dinner is certainly plausible though. I won't force it, but if I see the chance I'll certainly grab it. We already run out and grab lunch sometimes, but that's usually just "walk down the street and bring some food back to the office", though we get a little hangout time. That's what makes me feel like I'd like to be friends with her. My problem then though is like... I can imagine myself getting as far as asking her to grab food, but what then? Like I said I'm not great in social situations, and I don't know what I would talk to her about, and I get caught up in thinking about not knowing what to talk about :v: [QUOTE=triplej05;49209033]I have seen plenty of good long term relationships happen between co-workers at my company. Buuuuuuut yeah I started hooking up with this girl from work for a couple months. I got feelings and she broke it off. So now I am depressed as fuck and have to see her all the time so it is incredibly hard to get over.[/QUOTE] I could see this happening to me, but I mean, I'm living with my ex, and it's not being around her that gets to me, just the fact that she's already out and dating and I've got nothing going. I think if I did manage to have something romantic with her and we broke it off, I could handle it. If not, I'll learn a lesson, I suppose. I used to have major problems with my depression (this ex had actually broken up with me a year or so back, and it got baaaad. I actually vented a lot to this thread), but recently I've started to get a handle over it. [QUOTE=LordCrypto;49208285]blah blah blah the main through line i'm getting is you're putting her on a pedestal even though it's not romantic, putting someone on that much of a pedestal is just weird for the person being put on the pedestal they're just a person[/QUOTE] I definitely didn't want to make it sound like that, and that's not how it is - she isn't the most amazing human being I've ever met and I didn't fall head over heels for her. I just like her. Which, honestly, is a first for me, being only almost a year out of high school. In the past I'd mostly just fall for a girl and have a huge crush on her, but for once I actually just really like the person and want to (at least) be friends. Unless I'm misunderstanding what you mean?

hm

Please don't ever tell a girl your parents have any control over your life. Learned that the hard way today.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49211827]how would you guys react if someone confessed a need to bang them with no romance involved[/QUOTE] jfc dude

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49211959]jfc dude[/QUOTE] FWB situations aren't that big a deal, but the way he worded it was kinda weird. I'd say it's entirely dependent on the kind of relationship you have. If it's a brotherly / sisterly thing, or if you two have never harmlessly flirted, I'd say leave it out. If - on the other hand - you regularly spew dirty jokes and flirt occasionally, then I'd say yeah maybe it could work. I was in a FWB situation, but we were friends for like 2 months beforehand and got super close just cause the way our personalities clicked. We'd sling dirty jokes around and flirt all the time, and we were attracted to each other but we knew we weren't romantically compatible. So we just slept with each other, but I never really straight up asked for a FWB. It was more a morning after thing, where we both were lying there and talked it out and said we both realised we aren't a good match for a relationship, but she still liked me and I still liked her, so we just carried on with it.

that phrasing is what i was cringing at

yeah I just edited what I wrote, that last bit was a bit ouch [editline]30th November 2015[/editline] lmao I think telling a girl "hey, I notice you fuck dudes a lot, wanna add me to the list too?" is probably gonna get you shot down

"i mean she already casually fucks guys so im pretty sure all i have to do is ask"

his plan also relies on him being a self-confessed "good looker"

[QUOTE=Cyan_Husky;49208135]Anyone have experience with someone being really great and awesome in person but kind of hot-and-cold through text? I'm not really sure what to make of it. I hope I'm just reading too much into it, because she is really amazing in person.[/QUOTE] My girlfriend texts like a robot in texts but on phone calls and in person, she's amazing. So I barely text her anymore and just call her up.

hey when did you get a girlfriend i remember when you were suicidal

Some people just have more of a personality in person, I personally hate texting and always come across as really blunt / boring. Gotta be real close to a person to actually be closer to my usual self in texts. Phone calls / Skype is where it's at. It could also be she's just a really nice person to everyone in general, but over texts she's hot and cold cause she just considers you an acquaintance and not a close friend or whatever. I made the mistake last year of thinking a girl was into me, because in person, she was super chatty and friendly and was just great to be around and we got on well together, but texting, she was just sorta normal. Then I realised she's just an awesome person in general to everyone, and that I wasn't a special case. I was thinking about how I act (I'm usually normal with almost everyone, but really chatty and friendly to people I actually like [as in friendship]) and sorta assumed she was the same way, but that was a dumb thing to think, cause everyone is different. There was one guy who fell super hard for her because she was just an all-round great person, and he ended up taking it really badly when he realised she was just that way with everyone. Like group outings, he'd give the cold shoulder to any guy she spoke to, and when we were all having coffee one time and he wasn't out with us, she ended up saying how desperate / clingy he was over texts and how she didn't like it. So yeah! It's probs cause she's just a nice person, but doesn't act that way over texts with everyone. Try not to think that cause a girl is being friendly / nice to you, it means you're a special case.

It is weird because we went out together and she made it extremely clear that she wants to continue, so much so that she started making a list of cool places she wanted to go together. Through texts though, we'll start a conversation and she'll randomly stop responding until a new conversation is started or we see each other in real life. (I don't keep texting her like "why rnt u tlkin, bae" I just wait for a response that doesn't come.) Not really sure what the deal is. I hope I'm just thinking too much and she's just miserable at texting, because she is really cool, she just confuses me a little bit.

Could be she gets caught up in stuff and forgets to get back to you. Does she start conversations with you, or are you mainly the one that starts conversations? Like the fact you've been out together and she has a list of places she'd like to go to, seems like she enjoys your company. Are you both on the same wavelength, though? Like does she treat it as just two friends hanging out? Cause it could be the case that she just wants to chill and maybe she's picking up hints that you want it to be more than that? Just a speculation. [editline]30th November 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49213252]If sex wasn't so taboo, that'd probably fly. I mean believe it or not, people don't mind when you get right to the point.[/QUOTE] yeah that's totally fine and all, but I don't think anyone would appreciate being asked in that sort of way. It could be a little degrading: "hey, you're easy and sleep around, mind if I jump in on that?" there's better ways to be direct without being insulting.

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;49213363]My girlfriend texts like a robot in texts but on phone calls and in person, she's amazing. So I barely text her anymore and just call her up.[/QUOTE] After I broke up with my ex I thought I'd hit up OkCupid to help me get over it, and tell myself that "there are plenty of girls out there!" Surely enough, I've never been happier than I am now. [editline]30th November 2015[/editline] Although I feel like I can get pretty clingy but not sure what to do about that.

[QUOTE=loopoo;49213595]Could be she gets caught up in stuff and forgets to get back to you. Does she start conversations with you, or are you mainly the one that starts conversations? Like the fact you've been out together and she has a list of places she'd like to go to, seems like she enjoys your company. Are you both on the same wavelength, though? Like does she treat it as just two friends hanging out? Cause it could be the case that she just wants to chill and maybe she's picking up hints that you want it to be more than that? Just a speculation. [/QUOTE] I'm definitely the initiator for texts most of the time, but again, it is very different in person. I'm almost certain that she realizes my intentions. 99% sure. Things should become more clear in the next few days when I ask her out again. In any case, I appreciate the thought and speculation. Just talking about it helps even if there is no definite conclusion.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful, glad talking about it helped you

So do you guys remember that very important test? Well, it starts in a few hours and I slept like 5 hours. I'm pretty nervous and scared that I may get really sleepy, but nothing mayor. Wish me luck guys!

5 hours sleep should be good to keep you awake enough, just keep on double-checking your answers and make sure you don't make any silly mistakes. gl hf I fucked up big time in my A-levels by pulling an all-nighter for my Physics exam, ended up blacking out (straight up sleeping) a couple of times during the actual exam and I flunked it super hard. I'd have been better off sleeping and not getting the extra revision in. I crashed really hard from my caffeine rush literally 10 mins into the exam, it was pants.