Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49274913]Not the same thing as dealing with more minor stuff like rejection, though, of course. It's just situational. I view "hurting" and "suffering" as two different things. [editline]8th December 2015[/editline] GG automerge [editline]8th December 2015[/editline] The more you get rejected, the less it will affect you. There is a benefit to asking her out and being rejected - that benefit is that you gain resilience and (as killerteacup pointed out) introspection/insight.[/QUOTE] While that's true, the person in question is linked to a strong infatuation I had. So while a rejection is just another outcome, this would be a first and very strong rejection and I'm quite fearful of how it effect me.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49276065]You make it sound like you'll go on some bloodlust murder spree if she says no?[/QUOTE] :v: Heh heh, bit of miscommunication on my part, sorry. What I mean is, it'll just be a really embarrassing moment. I would never enflict harm on a woman. Basically, I'm trying to avoid an embarrassing, sad and regrettable moment and kill an infatuation. To accomplish that, I'm going to avoid contact with this person. So my question is, what do you guys do to forget people and what do you to get over it. If I'm annoying anyone, I apologise, I'm here because I don't know how to handle these situations.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49275909]In that case what would I do to forget the pain, if I do ask just to eliminate any 'what if' regrets? The outcome is all but assured and I don't want to look like an idiot and stand there trying to suppress any negative feelings. That's the part that scares me. Infatuation isn't a good thing, it turns people into stalkers, makes the logical part of the brain be at odds with the emotional one, which is far from good.[/QUOTE] :v: I don't know if there's anything you can really do to prepare to suppress the feelings of feeling embarassed or awkward afterwards, and the pain kind of just goes away with more experiences, because you eventually just realize "haha that was awkward" and you'll laugh about it eventually since you'll realize eventually that the outcome was the same as if you hadn't asked, only this time there was no regret to make it painful, and you'll get over your infatuation much faster since the hope is gone maybe just acknowledge it like "well that was awkward" and laugh a little don't pre-plan anything though if she says no, it's hard to push out preplanned words and it makes it even more awkward [editline]9th December 2015[/editline] a way that i got over being embarassed was basically becoming antisocial for a very long time, somewhat of a hermit and eventually you'll want to feel embarassed instead, because the isolation really makes you appreciate it though i don't recommend it

This is how I see it: Ask her out. If she says yes, great. If she says no, don't wallow in your despair. Give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to do it. That way you get the closure in knowing, and you get a confidence boost with this mindset rather than the opposite. Seriously, in my experience, doing nothing is the worst thing to do.

yeah honestly even my Psych professor was telling our class the other day like "there are really only two outcomes just ask them out, like damn" seriously, you have nothing to lose and you gain experience in asking people out, and she might even say yes!

and if she says no then at least it's something you can stop worrying about

It would seem, I just have to ask her and get ready to drink myself to death later. What are some of most difficult rejections you guys have experienced?

i asked her and she said no and i said oh okay

There was never a time when you were rejected and felt pretty bad afterwards?

i confessed my feelings to my friend and she said "I'm sorry, I only see you as my homie." I said "that's fair" and then we went about our day normally afterwards i felt a little disappointed afterwards but working up to be able to say my feelings was far worse it's kind of like giving a speech, the worst part is doing it and the mental preparation, but afterwards you go "oh that wasn't so bad" or a rollercoaster

As long as you move on afterwards, you'll be fine. You were going to force yourself to move on regardless, so it won't be any different from not asking at all, really.

No one's saying you won't feel bad, maybe. But you'll [I]most likely[/I] survive. People have been asking other people on dates and getting rejected for years. If she says no, just take a breath, go watch a cool movie or play a cool game you enjoy, and ya move on.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49276556]There was never a time when you were rejected and felt pretty bad afterwards?[/QUOTE] well yeah, it feels kind of shitty for a while, but that's the point no one's going to tell you that if you ask a girl out and she says no that you'll be completely fine but you also won't die and you'll bounce back in a day or two, relax is this a girl that you're already friends with, or a girl that you just kind of know?

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49276922]well yeah, it feels kind of shitty for a while, but that's the point no one's going to tell you that if you ask a girl out and she says no that you'll be completely fine but you also won't die and you'll bounce back in a day or two, relax is this a girl that you're already friends with, or a girl that you just kind of know?[/QUOTE]I don't know her personally, I just talk to her at conventions and follow her cosplay page, so you can see why I'm trying to avoid any feelings towards her, the concept is fanciful and simply an illusion of the mind, that said like her eccentricity and playfulness and she's really attractive too. Cue the "ohhhh!" reactions. But yeah, it's pathetic and embarrassing to say the least. I'm just dreading what you guys are thinking of me now.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49277122]But yeah, it's pathetic and embarrassing to say the least. I'm just dreading what you guys are thinking of me now.[/QUOTE] Let's be honest, nobody really cares. We're a ton of people on the internet. Most of us don't talk to each other outside of this thread. Nobody here knows what you're like in real life. You're so worried about what other people think of you that you've forgotten that everyone else feels the exact same way. Everyone is the center of their own universe. Chances are that girl you like is just as worried as you are about making an ass of herself when she's talking to someone she's interested in.

how many people today did you see make a complete fool of themselves or embarrass themselves? chances are zero, but I guarantee it happened, you just didn't notice or care because you're too preoccupied with your own shit one good thing to realize is that fundamentally people just don't give a shit or care about anyone or anything happening around them. at BEST, you're a funny anecdote to people you don't know. think about it this way. how well do you know me? we've essentially never talked and you're aware that i am a person occupying space but it would be completely insane for me to think that you've ever really given me any thought, right? literally the same thing

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49277122]I don't know her personally, I just talk to her at conventions and follow her cosplay page, so you can see why I'm trying to avoid any feelings towards her, the concept is fanciful and simply an illusion of the mind, that said like her eccentricity and playfulness and she's really attractive too. Cue the "ohhhh!" reactions. But yeah, it's pathetic and embarrassing to say the least. I'm just dreading what you guys are thinking of me now.[/QUOTE] i literally don't care

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49273312]I don't disagree, but at the same time you need to consider that everyone has different priorities in relationships. No premarital sex might be a dealbreaker for you, but it doesn't mean it's a dealbreaker for Wealth + Taste. I'm so glad someone actually said this. She gave you clear boundaries from the start and you've gradually [B]coerced[/B] her into doing things she had already said she didn't want to do. No real harm done since she doesn't seem to feel extremely violated or distraught by this, but you need to look at things under the assumption that her boundaries aren't going to change.[/QUOTE] No. I haven't coerced her. It was completely mutual. It wasn't like I was constantly asking to do these things and she suddenly just gave in, it just sort of happened, I never did something she wasn't OK with at the time.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49277122] But yeah, it's pathetic and embarrassing to say the least. I'm just dreading what you guys are thinking of me now.[/QUOTE] I can confess to having the same feeling most of the time I spend on here, if that's any comfort for thought.

There's no reason to be embarrassed about that kind of thing really, especially on an online forum while posting anonymously.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49277145]Let's be honest, nobody really cares. We're a ton of people on the internet. Most of us don't talk to each other outside of this thread. Nobody here knows what you're like in real life.[/QUOTE] Exact reason I come to this thread lol

[QUOTE=bdd458;49276371]yeah honestly even my Psych professor was telling our class the other day like "there are really only two outcomes just ask them out, like damn"[/QUOTE] unless you're a underclassmen in highschool then another option is "OMG HAHA HE HAS FEELINGS? IM GONNA TELL EVERYONE ABOUT HOW WEIRD HE IS BECAUSE HE'S NOT IN OUR _________ CLIQUE LOL EVERYONE LISTEN" people like that suck

I feel like I'm way too paranoid. That girl I was talking about earlier is currently studying in a field which is very demanding. During the holidays we were texting each other pretty much every day but now that class has started again it's way more sparse than it was before. She told me that she tries to refrain from using her phone as much as possible unless she's completely done with her work, otherwise she would end up distracted by it. We're using WhatsApp which is horrible for that kind of thing since you can see whether people have read your message or whether they're online, and she uses it to discuss work-related stuff so I can frequently see her online. Her friends have told me that she rarely texts them as well, and when she does text me she seems interested in the conversation, uses lots of emotes and brings up new topics and questions, so it's not like she wants to ignore me. But I can't help but feel bad when it's been several days since we last chatted. I feel like I still haven't healed from my last breakup, which probably doesn't help. Last time we discussed she said she'd tell me whether she'll be available next Saturday, and I'd like to have her answer soon since I may have other plans this weekend if she isn't.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49282775]Finals week is no joke![/QUOTE] Well you see the issue is that for her every week is finals week... I've gone through the same three years ago and I didn't have much time for myself, and even then I have a good scientific intuition which helped me a lot... She on the other hand seems to be struggling so she has to work even more to compensate.

[QUOTE=_Axel;49280355]There's no reason to be embarrassed about that kind of thing really, especially on an online forum while posting anonymously.[/QUOTE] It's more so that I have this preconceived idea that if the majority can do something which I can't (eg obtain a relationship with someone) then I'm somewhat inferior by comparison, this comes from the fact that I don't always read social situations correctly due to something I don't wish to go into, I'm gradually getting better at reading people, but there is a history negativity due to outcomes it didn't expect, this resulted in my introverted natural and given that the experience was an infatuation, it's associated with people who are perceived as creepy and I'm blinded by ego. I'm hopeful something will happen sooner other later, but I probably need a fair bit of self improvement before I attempt any actual relationship, I don't want to wreck someone's life. I still want to avoid any pointless infatuation with people out of my league.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49282775]Finals week is no joke![/QUOTE] yeah, but several days?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49286109]It's more so that I have this preconceived idea that if the majority can do something which I can't (eg obtain a relationship with someone) then I'm somewhat inferior by comparison, this comes from the fact that I don't always read social situations correctly due to something I don't wish to go into, I'm gradually getting better at reading people, but there is a history negativity due to outcomes it didn't expect, this resulted in my introverted natural and given that the experience was an infatuation, it's associated with people who are perceived as creepy and I'm blinded by ego. I'm hopeful something will happen sooner other later, but I probably need a fair bit of self improvement before I attempt any actual relationship, I don't want to wreck someone's life. I still want to avoid any pointless infatuation with people out of my league.[/QUOTE] Not trying to be offensive here, but is this usually the way you talk off the internet?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49286109]It's more so that I have this preconceived idea that if the majority can do something which I can't (eg obtain a relationship with someone) then I'm somewhat inferior by comparison, this comes from the fact that I don't always read social situations correctly due to something I don't wish to go into, I'm gradually getting better at reading people, but there is a history negativity due to outcomes it didn't expect, this resulted in my introverted natural and given that the experience was an infatuation, it's associated with people who are perceived as creepy and I'm blinded by ego. I'm hopeful something will happen sooner other later, but I probably need a fair bit of self improvement before I attempt any actual relationship, I don't want to wreck someone's life. I still want to avoid any pointless infatuation with people out of my league.[/QUOTE] I didn't read most of this, but the language instantly indicates you are over analysing and justifying it with fancy words. Forget about whatever it is.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49286109]It's more so that I have this preconceived idea that if the majority can do something which I can't (eg obtain a relationship with someone) then I'm somewhat inferior by comparison, this comes from the fact that I don't always read social situations correctly due to something I don't wish to go into, I'm gradually getting better at reading people, but there is a history negativity due to outcomes it didn't expect, this resulted in my introverted natural and given that the experience was an infatuation, it's associated with people who are perceived as creepy and I'm blinded by ego. I'm hopeful something will happen sooner other later, but I probably need a fair bit of self improvement before I attempt any actual relationship, I don't want to wreck someone's life. I still want to avoid any pointless infatuation with people out of my league.[/QUOTE] alright two things one, stop trying to be all science-y, no one cares and i know you thought we were judging you for having relationship problems and i can only assume you're talking like that for our benefit so we think you're a cool smart dude two, and this one took me a while to realize, you're not going to be perfect and you're not giving yourself as a perfect gift to someone in a relationship. everyone's shitty and flawed and the best you can hope for is that your flaws are covered by your partner and vice versa. if your plan is to wait to date until you're perfect then you'll never date because you'll never be perfect. there's no harm in self improvement but that shouldn't be a limiting factor

Keep getting this temptation to purge my Facebook. Never been active, and I'm getting kinda tired of knowing what everyone's first world problems are over and over again. Although when I ask about nearby events and stuff to people in person, they usually always tell me to check it out on Facebook. Not really fond of people that like, religiously frequent it to the point where its the only method for you to get in contact with them, rather than just maybe having their phone number which I always assumed was a normal thing to ask for.