Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;48620777]Well it's false hope when it's "I'm sure you'll meet someone wonderful in the fullness of time blah blah..", I mean they don't know the future and sometimes when they flat out avoid the question, they could have just said they don't like me. Being blunt means there is less room for misinterpretation. There isn't much point in caring about my feelings or that of any other stranger. That's what I'd prefer, solid "No!", not some story because they're afraid I'm not man enough to take it.[/QUOTE] How are you misinterpreting being told that you'll meet someone [i]else[/i] in the future? There is no mixed message there. [editline]5th September 2015[/editline] And as Pascall pointed out on the previous page, we don't always know people well who ask us out, and there are some really fucked up people out there. Being overly direct or blunt about it can have serious consequences if you're talking to the wrong person.

What's the best way to approach a random girl you've never spoken to before? I'm thinking of going to my university Monday and trying to get some #'s. There's no girls in my computer science classes and I'm not attracted to anyone at work so randoms are my only option. Also I've always wondered how attractive I actually am, is there anyway you can tell besides asking people to rate you.

[QUOTE=Richoxen;48622669] Also I've always wondered how attractive I actually am, is there anyway you can tell besides asking people to rate you.[/QUOTE] lmao just forget about it altogether, it doesn't matter. Scrublords will tell you looks matter a lot blah blah blah, but it really is a crock of shit. Confidence and a good sense of humor can carry you a damn long way. I am not the easiest on the eyes, but I went to pound town with plenty of girls "out of my league" in college because I was oozing with confidence. You don't need to know how attractive you are. Let's say you realize you're ugly, what changes? Are you going to think, "Aw man, I'm ugly, guess I gotta lower my standards?" Your attractiveness is wholly irrelevant information. Sure, the job can be easier if you're more attractive, but as long as you practice basic human hygiene and don't have greasy long school shooter hair, you're already ahead of the curve.

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;48622738]lmao just forget about it altogether, it doesn't matter. Scrublords will tell you looks matter a lot blah blah blah, but it really is a crock of shit. Confidence and a good sense of humor can carry you a damn long way. I am not the easiest on the eyes, but I went to pound town with plenty of girls "out of my league" in college because I was oozing with confidence. You don't need to know how attractive you are. Let's say you realize you're ugly, what changes? Are you going to think, "Aw man, I'm ugly, guess I gotta lower my standards?" Your attractiveness is wholly irrelevant information. Sure, the job can be easier if you're more attractive, but as long as you practice basic human hygiene and don't have greasy long school shooter hair, you're already ahead of the curve.[/QUOTE] You're right. It really doesn't matter I guess. Even if I was fugly I'd still want the type of women that I want. [editline]5th September 2015[/editline] But I do still need to know What's the best way to approach a random girl you've never spoken to before? I'm thinking of going to my university Monday and trying to get some #'s. There's no girls in my computer science classes and I'm not attracted to anyone at work so randoms are my only option.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48615951]Obsessing over it isn't the fault of the person rejecting you. A normal, non-desperate, socially adept human being will stop pursuing someone who has rejected them. [editline]4th September 2015[/editline] And most people are able to interpret this sort of communication because it's so common in our society. Lots of people will make excuses not to do things - not just in the context of dating, but when it comes to pretty much any plans they're not interested in. Most people understand what the real purpose is of these excuses. I wouldn't say it's necessarily dishonest to make an excuse just because the majority of people recognize what the underlying message there is ("I'm just not interested, but I don't want to hurt your feelings").[/QUOTE] Just thought I'd post the results. I saw her at a college event on Friday night. I guided her over to an empty booth and we had a heart to heart. I asked her if we were friends. I said friends were honest with each other. She agreed. I then asked her if she knew I was trying to ask her out the other day (I didn't actually use the word date). She figured that was what I meant. She said that she was more comfortable being friends and in all honesty, I told her I'm fine with that. Friends? I said. "Friends" she answered. Then we shook hands. (I'm sorry I'm just formal that way.) All in all, I think it went pretty well. I understood the reason she didn't want to date me, she understood that I respected her as a friend, and we had a normal conversation with people after that. Now several days later, My mind is at ease, and I feel fine. I got a lot of good advice from my parents and my grandmother. Simply put, dating gets much better once you're out in the real world.

I don't even know, she's still mia. But she had the decency to go online on FB this morning and friended some guy. I think it's done for guys, fuck me. [editline]6th September 2015[/editline] Don't even know how to approach her with all this shit without sounding fucked

Just say "I know you weren't camping with Samantha, could you please explain why you lied and what you did?"

is there a nicer way to put that without sounding like I'm overattached

feels shit mate

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;48627187]is there a nicer way to put that without sounding like I'm overattached[/QUOTE] Why do you need to make the question nicer? Don't need to beat around the bush, an upfront question shouldn't be a problem in a relationship.

Plz halp :'c What's the best way to approach a random girl you've never spoken to before? I'm thinking of going to my university Monday and trying to get some #'s. There's no girls in my computer science classes and I'm not attracted to anyone at work so randoms are my only option.

[QUOTE=Richoxen;48628455]Plz halp :'c What's the best way to approach a random girl you've never spoken to before? I'm thinking of going to my university Monday and trying to get some #'s. There's no girls in my computer science classes and I'm not attracted to anyone at work so randoms are my only option.[/QUOTE] Don't just walk up to them and ask for their number, don't even approach them (if you do) with the intention of getting their number. You'd probably be better off joining a club or society and making friends that way, because then you'd at least have something in common.

[QUOTE=Simples;48628545]Don't just walk up to them and ask for their number, don't even approach them (if you do) with the intention of getting their number. You'd probably be better off joining a club or society and making friends that way, because then you'd at least have something in common.[/QUOTE] why not...? joining a club and trying to meet someone sounds like it would take weeks.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;48628698]"Hey, I know i'm a complete stranger, but do you want to go grab a coffee or something?[/QUOTE] Everyone's a stranger the first time you meet them.

Shit is weird. Got a match with a good looking girl on a meeting app but she is already in a relationship, so we chatted and after I smoothly transitioned chat to FB asked like why do you even need a meeting app and she said because she wants some friends outside of job. Fair enough, I'm not looking for anyone 'special' anyways. Every day(well, third in a row) she messages me st a random time in the day saying hi, so I ask some stuff here and there but her answers are usually short and the she almost never asks anything back or continues on with the conversation. So like, it's either she is bad at texts but she wants to chat or she wants to chat but in same time she doesn't? I have not got a single clue. We have quite a bunch of stuff in common, and on couple of occasions I would have said 'hey that is awesome we should go there sometime' but it aint rocket science to see that you don't do that when a girl is 'occupied'. I don't know, really. I quite like chatting with her and we have stuff in common so I reckon she could be a great friend, but the way the texting goes between us is fucking weird(I say like 15 words sometimes and she replies with 1-2). Every time we chat I have that fact that she is occupied kinda putting me off chatting with her and the short answers don't help either, but I kinda want to because I think she'd be a good friend. meh

Well my relationship has gone through some some kind of black hole and I'm seriously doubting it's salvageable anymore. There's been a development lately in which I fucked up pretty bad because I felt that it was going too fast for my comfort, and that she was starting to bombard me with high expectations on what a boyfriend should be and act like. To the point that it started causing me anxiety. Problem is, we were at a festival together, and she made things so hard on me there that it made me want to run away. Even my friends told me "hey, is everything alright with your girlfriend?". Well, she started shutting down, self destructing, adopting behaviors I have never seen in her. Like getting mad at me for smoking a cigarette in a concert (I don't smoke rather than on special occasions), and then proceeding to drinking till she just couldn't stand anymore. I tried integrating her in the group but she just stayed in her corner, went inside the tent with her showing my support, I got nothing out of her, other than "you're different when you're with friends, just like last time we were together, and you're treating me bad". And I tried knowing the specifics I mean, I didn't feel like I've done nothing wrong rather than to tease her a bit and the others to lighten up the mood, but I was careful enough not to be a jerk. I stopped it and proceeded to babysit her all night, disregarding my friends because she was pretty drunk and feeling very sick. I told her I didn't understand why she drank so much, because me and my friends just kept saying "hey, take it easy, you can say no, you know, don't need to drink like that". I started getting really worried so I stayed and lost the first night of concerts to keep an eye on her. I told her again that she didn't need to knock herself out drinking and that she could stop. She answered me: "Look who's talking", and I told her that at least I know my limit and that she wasn't seeing me drunk as shit. After that she gets pretty moody. And it starts worrying me because we talked about a serious relationship a week earlier and we were already having problems. And it were the kind of problems that I didn't know what they were really about because she was being really cryptic. She started doubting everything I said and did for her and comparing everything, every little detail to what went wrong on the last relationship with me. It started making me very anxious so I tried to talk to her over and over. No success. That next morning I wake up really moody, she offers herself to comb my hair and I say that I was going to take a shower instead but she could do it when I'd come back. I come back she's in her corner again barely speaking to me like I've done the biggest injustice towards her by not letting her comb my hair when she wanted. She was showing me a whole new person I didn't know how to deal with. Everything turned into a situation where it was like I was trying to defuse a bomb and had to cut one of 3 wires but they all exploded anyway. The weather was shit and I ate too much that day at lunch so I started feeling really bad with all the heat and had to lie down a bit. She comes to sit by me and I tell her gently not to come to close because I was having some trouble breathing because the heat was causing me anxiety. She then sits by me, calming me down, until she drops a bomb after I tell her what's going on: she starts comparing her situation with what went wrong 4 years ago when we were together for the first time, basically distrusting me completely by saying that she doubted really hard that If she was sick I'd sit by her and watch over her, when in fact, I did that exact same thing the previous night when she was passed out drunk in the tent. After I hear this I have an anxiety attack and I start feeling really anguished about being around her. About the fact that we agreed a week before to take our relationship to the next level and we were already having problems, and because I started having doubts if it was wise to declare my intentions on a serious relationship so soon, and the fact that going back meant hurting her, and aggravating her self destructive behavior even further. Well, let's say I didn't even get the chance to appreciate the concerts because whenever I looked at her she was cold and distant. And I could see she was mad at me but I couldn't pinpoint what the problem was. On the last day, she puts my back against the wall with her doubts and accusations on not being a good enough boyfriend, and I just break and tell her I need a break and to reconsider what I want with her. To this point she starts crying, I hug her and she gets all tearful. Telling her that, knowing that I hurt her, torn me up inside, but at that point I didn't have much choice, believe me... Well, after the concert I was to spend a couple of weeks with my friends there up north, and she was going back, I told her I needed to take those weeks to rest and thing and give it some time, but I wouldn't forget her and I would come back and sort things out. After a week she starts texting me guilt tripping me into coming back south immediately, saying she hates me, comparing me with her exes, and we argued a lot through text. It got pretty bad. She guilt tripped me because "you're up there having fun with my friends while you left me in misery". I didn't, I needed some time. After a while she tells me she has new friends, she's a yoga teacher and she needs to stay healthy in order to be able to teach at her place. She then starts texting me with images of her smoking weed with friends, something she'd never done. Abusing alcohol and staying up till really late at night, 4 am, when she has to teach class all day from 8am to 6pm. I got really worried but at that point I didn't have any way to go back south - the trip was extremely expensive and I left my home keys at my grandparents house in another city. She starts taking every chance she gets to get under my skin, comparing me with her new friends, with her exes, telling me that my past relationships were shit because I was a coward and a loser... Well, long story short I came back, after deep thought, and I wanted to re-conciliate things. I knew the problem was me wanting too much to soon. I walked her home and apologized for hurting her. We hugged at her door, I tried kissing her and she told me that we should leave it for the next day. She then cries and tells me everything about her self destructive behavior and the damage my time off took on her. Next day I meet her at her place, we watch some series and I have dinner there. I notice she's being really cold with me. I later meet her that night in a bar and I talk to her, saying my intentions clearly, explaining everything, what I thought was our problem and that I wanted for me and her to have a future together. She said she needed some time but she'd still want me close because she needed me. I tell her it's alright, after all I asked her the same - time. Well, next day she texts me inviting me to another festival next weekend, I tell her I only have money for 1 day, and even then it was right at the time we make our schedules for university, and it was really important to me to be certain I was put in the classes I wanted because I have to stay home on Thursdays to support my 99 year old grandfather. She gets grumpy, even though I explained this clearly to her. I don't hear from her since. I text her last friday, asking if she's still up for the concert, and that I really missed her, and she texts me : [B]sorry, I got drunk and had sex with another guy. But I've been seeing him. Sorry[/B]. And my world collapsed. How can she have done this to me. And the way she then threw at my face that I had done the same to her, even though he had forgiven me for it was unrealistic. It's like 1 text message she was telling me she was sorry and she didn't know what she was doing and on the next she was being all revengeful. Her last message was something like "I'm sorry I have hurt you, I know I'm confused and hard to understand, but It's still me, and even though this is me, I have feelings for you which are making things really hard with him, I like you, I wanted for things to work out between us, but I haven't decided about me and you yet" At this point I'm devastated by this message - I just answer "I don't believe you..." she responds with something I thought was an angered text which I didn't read, and then I just erase all the conversation without reading her last message. So TL:DR - My girlfriend's fucking another guy while keeping me on hold, I'm heartbroken, don't know what to think, what to say, don't know anything, and university starts tomorrow. Thanks for those who had the patience to read.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48629130] So TL:DR - My girlfriend's fucking another guy while keeping me on hold, I'm heartbroken, don't know what to think, what to say, don't know anything, and university starts tomorrow. [/QUOTE] I'm in the exact same situation. I really feel your pain dude. Even though she was dating another guy we still hung out (Even slept together) for a few months. Everyday she told me today was the day she'd dump him. It didn't happen. Finally I told her. This is the last day you'll see me, I love you so much and I want us to be together but it hurts to see you and know that you're not mine anymore. If you want me back all you have to do is call me and tell me but from now on I won't be contacting you. Everything I've seen suggests that No Contact is the best course of action. When you stop talking to her for long enough she'll start to wonder "What happened to him?" "Does he miss me?" "Does he still think about me" at which time, if she really does still love you, she'll reach out to you. I did it once before and it worked. I didn't talk to her or respond to her or answer her calls for a month straight. Finally she called me at 3 a.m. over and over again one night and I finally answered. She was crying. Things worked out and I hope it works out again for me, and for you... That's my advice at least. DO NOT let her string you along, it's painful as fuck. From my experience it slowly ate away at me and left me going home every day wondering if maybe I was just better off dead.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48629130]snip[/QUOTE] Unless I'm misreading the situation you posted in the other thread asking how to pick up a different girl, so I'm assuming you're not trying to salvage it anymore?

[QUOTE=Richoxen;48628455]Plz halp :'c What's the best way to approach a random girl you've never spoken to before? I'm thinking of going to my university Monday and trying to get some #'s. There's no girls in my computer science classes and I'm not attracted to anyone at work so randoms are my only option.[/QUOTE] Update: A co-worker said they'd wing-man for me and show me the ropes. Going to either the university or the mall.

[QUOTE=Richoxen;48629190]I'm in the exact same situation. I really feel your pain dude. Even though she was dating another guy we still hung out (Even slept together) for a few months. Everyday she told me today was the day she'd dump him. It didn't happen. Finally I told her. This is the last day you'll see me, I love you so much and I want us to be together but it hurts to see you and know that you're not mine anymore. If you want me back all you have to do is call me and tell me but from now on I won't be contacting you. Everything I've seen suggests that No Contact is the best course of action. When you stop talking to her for long enough she'll start to wonder "What happened to him?" "Does he miss me?" "Does he still think about me" at which time, if she really does still love you, she'll reach out to you. I did it once before and it worked. I didn't talk to her or respond to her or answer her calls for a month straight. Finally she called me at 3 a.m. over and over again one night and I finally answered. She was crying. Things worked out and I hope it works out again for me, and for you... That's my advice at least. DO NOT let her string you along, it's painful as fuck. From my experience it slowly ate away at me and left me going home every day wondering if maybe I was just better off dead.[/QUOTE] Yeah we've been together 4 years ago. She reached me late may and we dated till now. I know what to do. I feel like l already said everything to her and it was worthless. I have nothing left to say but to wait. It hurts a lot though, but l've been through this before... deep down l love her a lot. But it's like there's no understanding between us... it's like l don't even know her anymore.. lt's hard to know what to think of it. It makes me angry. What she did really disapointed me..

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48629378]Yeah we've been together 4 years ago. She reached me late may and we dated till now. I know what to do. I feel like l already said everything to her and it was worthless. I have nothing left to say but to wait. It hurts a lot though, but l've been through this.[/QUOTE] Mine leaves me every 6 months. Could be her bi-polar disorder is on a 6 month cycle. Could be she's just a bad person. I like to pretend it's the first one... I'm to in love to admit the reality of it.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;48629387]I'm gonna leave more serious advice for others, but seriously fuck her dude. You deserve far better than that, and if I were you, I'd be a lot less forgiving. I don't know what to tell you, and nothing will snap you back into happiness and it's gonna be hard, but don't give up on yourself. A new chapter in your life is starting, and it's up to you how it goes, so remember that. (/cheesy line) Also, disconnect totally from her, do not talk to her in anyway.[/QUOTE] No contact is the best way to get her back AND the best way to heal yourself.

[QUOTE=plunger435;48629200]Unless I'm misreading the situation you posted in the other thread asking how to pick up a different girl, so I'm assuming you're not trying to salvage it anymore?[/QUOTE] I just want to meet that girl. Nothing more than that for now. Maybe it will help me take my mind off things

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48629378]Yeah we've been together 4 years ago. She reached me late may and we dated till now. I know what to do. I feel like l already said everything to her and it was worthless. I have nothing left to say but to wait. It hurts a lot though, but l've been through this before... deep down l love her a lot. But it's like there's no understanding between us... it's like l don't even know her anymore.. lt's hard to know what to think of it. It makes me angry. What she did really disapointed me..[/QUOTE] Wow our situations could not be anymore similar. I love her with all my heart, I'd be happy to spend the rest of my life with her, but she's just so... I don't know, she consistently tells me how I don't love her/never loved her. How we "Always fight" even though we rarely do. How we "Never do things" even though I have 0$ left in my bank account because I spent it all on her. Hopefully through no contact she'll straighten herself out. But it's best to act as if it's never going to happen and move on.

[QUOTE=Kabstrac;48629387]I'm gonna leave more serious advice for others, but seriously fuck her dude. You deserve far better than that, and if I were you, I'd be a lot less forgiving. I don't know what to tell you, and nothing will snap you back into happiness and it's gonna be hard, but don't give up on yourself. A new chapter in your life is starting, and it's up to you how it goes, so remember that. (/cheesy line) Also, disconnect totally from her, do not talk to her in anyway.[/QUOTE] I know you're right. Wish it was that easy to let it go. I'm not forgiving it easy but l have a feeling she'll talk to me again and would want to meet to talk in the future. [editline]7th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Richoxen;48629416]Wow our situations could not be anymore similar. I love her with all my heart, I'd be happy to spend the rest of my life with her, but she's just so... I don't know, she consistently tells me how I don't love her/never loved her. How we "Always fight" even though we rarely do. How we "Never do things" even though I have 0$ left in my bank account because I spent it all on her. Hopefully through no contact she'll straighten herself out. But it's best to act as if it's never going to happen and move on.[/QUOTE] Wow, are you sure we're not dating the same girl? :v:

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48629436] Wow, are you sure we're not dating the same girl? :v:[/QUOTE] Maybe a doppelganger :tinfoil: But it does make me feel better to know someone else out there is going through something extremely similar.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48629408]I just want to meet that girl. Nothing more than that for now. Maybe it will help me take my mind off things[/QUOTE] Oh well I was going to say good for you, just ignore the past girl, clearly no good. Meeting the new girl might be the best way to get past it.

Skimmed most of your text wall, but She's not the one putting you on hold. You're putting yourself on hold. If you keep acting like nothing happens, and just sit around waiting for her to come back to you, you're sending the message to her that it's okay for her to sleep around. Don't pretend you're okay with it when you're obviously not. It'll only make her feel less guilty about doing it again.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;48629671]Skimmed most of your text wall, but She's not the one putting you on hold. You're putting yourself on hold. If you keep acting like nothing happens, and just sit around waiting for her to come back to you, you're sending the message to her that it's okay for her to sleep around. Don't pretend you're okay with it when you're obviously not. It'll only make her feel less guilty about doing it again.[/QUOTE] I'm putting myself on hold? What does that even mean? I'm mad at her. We argued a lot and l think l made it pretty clear to her that what she was doig was wrong. She acted all defensive. Even tried to ridicule me into being happy for her for fucking another guy. What do you want me to do at this point text her calling her a whore? I get what you're trying to say but l think l'm well past that at this point. There is only so much you can do to make another person see reason before you start wondering what the hell you're fighting for anyway. I'm reaching that point. Because l know that if l talk to her she's going to talk back at me again where it hurts and argue with me.. I could try manipulating her with guilt, but l'm not exactly in a position of power. The only thing that seems the only reasonable path is to break that chain of being on hold. I have feelings for her. But lt's not easy for me to just open my arms to her after this. Not after what she did. Not after texting it to me in the most cowardly way. She didn't even have the decency to talk to me in person about it. You think l should still be insisting in getting her back? What do you think l should do then?

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;48629774]I'm putting myself on hold? What does that even mean? I'm mad at her. We argued a lot and l think l made it pretty clear to her that what she was doig was wrong. She acted all defensive. Even tried to ridicule me into being happy for her for fucking another guy. What do you want me to do at this point text her calling her a whore? I get what you're trying to say but l think l'm well past that at this point. There is only so much you can do to make another person see reason before you start wondering what the hell you're fighting for anyway. I'm reaching that point. Because l know that if l talk to her she's going to talk back at me again where it hurts and argue with me.. I could try manipulating her with guilt, but l'm not exactly in a position of power. The only thing that seems the only reasonable path is to break that chain of being on hold. I have feelings for her. But lt's not easy for me to just open my arms to her after this. Not after what she did. Not after texting it to me in the most cowardly way. She didn't even have the decency to talk to me in person about it. You think l should still be insisting in getting her back? What do you think l should do then?[/QUOTE] No don't insist. But you should make your intentions clear at least. Tell her you still love her but you're hurt by what she's done. You'll be around if she ever wants to try to patch things up but you can't wait around your whole life for a girl who may never come back. If she still wants you she needs to correct her mistakes before it's too late and you've found someone else. Be polite and clear. I know you're filled with anger. Me too. But control is crucial to success and anger is the opposite of control. After that never contact her again unless she reaches out to you.