Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49287368]alright two things one, stop trying to be all science-y, no one cares and i know you thought we were judging you for having relationship problems and i can only assume you're talking like that for our benefit so we think you're a cool smart dude two, and this one took me a while to realize, you're not going to be perfect and you're not giving yourself as a perfect gift to someone in a relationship. everyone's shitty and flawed and the best you can hope for is that your flaws are covered by your partner and vice versa. if your plan is to wait to date until you're perfect then you'll never date because you'll never be perfect. there's no harm in self improvement but that shouldn't be a limiting factor[/QUOTE] Not sure what you mean by 'science-y' , just trying explain the extent of my lack of social experience, didn't realise I sounded like a salesman using buzz words. Yeah yeah, no one cares, I get it.[B] I apologise for being annoying, I do appreciate the replies from everyone [/B]. I'm not trying to be a perfect person, I just need more social experience, I have borderline aspergers, all the social shite has to be taught, well some of it. Rejection is part of the experience. Communication is another issue I have as I'm sure you've noticed, if that occurs in a relationship, it's not going to be pretty. Look, I'm weird, I need to be less weird in order to make it easier to find someone. Yes it would be great to find someone who is tolerant of me, but I need to work in favour of the odds here. Besides, I need to learn to be a bit egocentric.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49288941]Not sure what you mean by 'science-y' , just trying explain the extent of my lack of social experience, didn't realise I sounded like a salesman using buzz words. Yeah yeah, no one cares, I get it.[B] I apologise for being annoying, I do appreciate the replies from everyone [/B]. I'm not trying to be a perfect person, I just need more social experience, I have borderline aspergers, all the social shite has to be taught, well some of it. Rejection is part of the experience. Communication is another issue I have as I'm sure you've noticed, if that occurs in a relationship, it's not going to be pretty. Look, I'm weird, I need to be less weird in order to make it easier to find someone. Yes it would be great to find someone who is tolerant of me, but I need to work in favour of the odds here. Besides, I need to learn to be a bit egocentric.[/QUOTE] you're not being annoying dude, we're trying to reassure you by saying we don't care because you seem so worried about what we think of you like none of us are going to leave this thread and go 'gee, what an awkward guy!!!' for the next day. that's not how we do

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49289108]Just remember in real life, people can't highlight words and click "search google.." Good communication is not measured by the number of letters, but how well your message was conveyed to the receiver.[/QUOTE]I see what you mean, by communication I mean getting the message across correctly, rather than a misinterpretation. I'm not talking about using buzz words to impress people. [I]It is [/I]something that I need to work on, solid communication means more confidence.

do you guys have any advice for fairly small parties when you're hosting? I'm hosting a small celebration (first time hosting) due to my birthday last week so invited 7 people over to drink, eat and have a good time. only 5 are showing up though so we're not that many, but I imagine it'll be fun still. I imagine the night will go pretty well as soon as we start getting affected by alcohol, but it's the beginning of the night that bothers me. what do I need to think of? they're bringing their own drinks while I'll be responsible for everything else, like music, food, snacks and non-alcoholic drinks. the plan for music is to find a playlist on Spotify, for food I'm just gonna order 2 large pizzas when everyones there so I know what people want, and for snacks I'll just get two bags of some generic chips with different flavor. got some soda in the fridge and obviously, water in the tap. eh, I might just be over thinking the entire thing. I feel like I got what I need to do under control, the mood and so on is a shared responsibility.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49290496]do you guys have any advice for fairly small parties when you're hosting? I'm hosting a small celebration (first time hosting) due to my birthday last week so invited 7 people over to drink, eat and have a good time. only 5 are showing up though so we're not that many, but I imagine it'll be fun still. I imagine the night will go pretty well as soon as we start getting affected by alcohol, but it's the beginning of the night that bothers me. what do I need to think of? they're bringing their own drinks while I'll be responsible for everything else, like music, food, snacks and non-alcoholic drinks. the plan for music is to find a playlist on Spotify, for food I'm just gonna order 2 large pizzas when everyones there so I know what people want, and for snacks I'll just get two bags of some generic chips with different flavor. got some soda in the fridge and obviously, water in the tap. eh, I might just be over thinking the entire thing. I feel like I got what I need to do under control, the mood and so on is a shared responsibility.[/QUOTE] don't worry too much about it. in fact don't worry at all. you're about to eat pizza and get drunk while i'm here playing videogames ffs [editline]10th December 2015[/editline] do make sure you have ice tho

My last party consisted in a shared birthday party between me and a friend of mine who's birthday was at the same time. I've never done anything of the sort but I managed to get my parents out of the house and the plan was throwing a huge ass bbq. We threw the event up on facebook for our friends. Me and my birthday buddy would buy the meat and the rest of the people would compromise on either paying up for the meat or bringing their own stuff. Well things dot pretty much out of hand. More than 20 people came and all I had was a small ass grill and not enough chairs to sit everyone. I fucking panicked because I was holding the grill and I needed more coal, more beer, more EVERYTHING while more and more people (some I had no clue who they were, because they were my friend's friends). I kept running around trying to host everything. But hey, it all turned out for the best. My buddy got in his van and brought along another grill and more chairs and tables from his place and we were able to maintain a steady supply of meaty goodness. There wasn't much planning involved, however people managed to bring their own stuff to make the party worthwhile. Chips, beer, cake, ice cream, we had everything. And we even had some coal at the end of the day to make some burgers and watch the sunset. What I'm trying to say is. It's a party. No matter how badly planned it may seem it all turns out for the best.

[QUOTE=_Axel;49282815]Well you see the issue is that for her every week is finals week... I've gone through the same three years ago and I didn't have much time for myself, and even then I have a good scientific intuition which helped me a lot... She on the other hand seems to be struggling so she has to work even more to compensate.[/QUOTE] She can't come this Saturday either...

Not related to me directly but this concerns my roomate So we are in a guys suite in college (7 people in a suite style dorm) and my roomate (I will refer to him as A from hence forth) has a crush on a girl next door to us. She has been coming over here often and she (I will call her B from here on) and A often chat in the common room for hours on end. I believe they met through a group project in a class. I am often there listening to them because I like using my laptop in the common room since there is more space and I like being near people, even if im not interacting with them. A doesn't say anything abut his feelings for B directly, but they seem to be good friends. on several occasions she came over late at night (1 am - 3 am) in her pajamas and talked to A, sometimes A would come right out of the shower with just a towel on and talk to her, and once the two of them were looking online for a boyfriend for one of my other roomates (who is gay). B seems to get along really well with this other roomate (often asks me where he is if he is not about, but never asks about A). I hear A and B often share stories, and I have learned that B likes making out with random guys a lot about once a week (I really dont care, im not involved with her). Now for my question. A tells me and the other guys how much he likes B, he goes on really loud rants about when he is drunk particularly (I would not be surprised if B heard his rants through the walls honestly). He talks about how hard he crushed on B, etc etc, so we helped him come up with ways for him to ask her out. The problem is that I doubt it will work. B does not seem to be interested in A, and I am not sure how to deal with this, or how to comfort him about it. I hope the best for him but I think he will be hurt in the end. As I mentioned, he really likes alchohol as well, calling himself an "alchoholic." It doesn't seem that bad, he keeps it under control and his grades are good, but I dont know what o do if in sadness he loses control of it. What I proposed to him is to tonight, have B's entire room over here for an "end of the semester" get together. I have brownie mix and eggs I need to use, and I cant eat a whole tray of brownies on my own, so its a good excuse to have people over (only soulless people turn down brownies). Then he can perhaps talk to B, and get his feelings out (I dont think keeping his feelings in is a good idea either). Admitably, there is another reason for this plan, there is another girl in the same dorm as B that I think likes me (I pretend not to notice but am friendly with her). I want to know her better, she knows my name and calls out to me often, but I still don't know hers, so it feels unfair. thats that plan I have right now, taking care of multiple things in one go, although I really am unsure about A and B and what to do about it.

[QUOTE=da space core;49294473] thats that plan I have right now, taking care of multiple things in one go, although I really am unsure about A and B and what to do about it.[/QUOTE] Here's what might happen: 1) "A" follows the advice of the thread title (now outdated) and just fucking asks her out 2) Your intuition is correct and she rejects him, but hopefully without curbstomping the poor man's heart because they are friendly 3) "A" learns the lesson that all creatures who don't jet their sperm out into the atmosphere must learn: that sometimes unrequited feelings stay unrequited and that a female friend in hand is worth two in her bush (??) 4) "A" either confronts the realization that being an alcoholic is not something he should aspire to be, and that self-describing yourself as an alcoholic drives women away faster than a MLP face tattoo, or embraces alcoholism and loses control over his life until you and your mates stage an intervention or something 5) You do what you said what you're going to do because it seems like a good plan put together by a sane individual; you learn her name (it's Jessica) 6) Jessica confesses her feelings to you and also her feelings for alcohol, you rip off her wig only to reveal she was "A" all along TLDR; Let God sort "A" and "B" out, your bud "A" has got to learn the hard truth about the parasitoid wasps and spiders someday. You're a busy man with a lot on your plate and it will really serve your bud well to learn some of life's most crucial lessons, no way to make it any easier. Just be there for him as a friend and he'll get through just fine.

Anyone drinking with friends and calling themselves an alcoholic as a point of pride is probably not actually an alcoholic.

So I canceled my date with the girl I was having a date with last weekend because I started to get a lot of red flags and alarm bells in my mind. I don't know if this is just me being me, but this girl really makes me feel uncomfortable about one single aspect. And that is, she's all over me. Let me explain. She sold me a ticket for a concert I was interested in going to and we chatted for about 5 minutes in person, after that we just talked all day over facebook. When the concert day came I posted on facebook, asking for a place to crash in Lisbon at night in case I wouldn't be able to get back home in time. She immediately texts me saying she's living alone for a while, and that she has a huge house and had I could stay in her bed-couch in her living room. I know she's probably trying to be nice, but... I don't know anything about this girl. She's a total stranger to me and is already offering me to sleep over at her home. She sounds too desperate for some reason. Anyway, I was able to catch a bus home, and when I get back she sees me online the next day and asks me about the concert. I reply saying it was amazing, and we talked for a while. Then, out of the blue she starts asking me what kind of cake I like, and I'm like "I don't know, normal cake? chocolate cake?" and she's already telling me she's going to bake me a cake for our first "date", that was supposed to be visiting a museum and then having lunch together. I was getting kinda freaked out because the cake thing was just being too much, I mean this all makes me feel like she's all over me, trying too hard to pull me in. And it makes me feel really uncomfortable, being out of a serious relationship and all. Well I told her I didn't know if I was able to be there for a date and then she said it was ok and didn't say anything further. I took a couple of days to think about it, talked to another friend about it, she told me "If this one makes you feel uncomfortable, let her go". Also, me and this girl shared some intimate stuff, nothing too personal or deep, and since then I notice she's a little condescending towards me since... like "oh that's normal, don't worry it will get better", or whenever we're talking about shows we'd like to watch, and I tell her that I'm liked one host better than the other she usually replies "oh you don't need to be upset about it, you know". I'm not upset, I'm just commenting. Anyway, I decided to give it a chance and texted her asking if she was still doing something during the weekend, I thought maybe it was just me making a huge fuss about nothing special, and that it wouldn't hurt to meet her in person and spend the day, after all sometimes we're able to have good conversations. Turns out she went to london instead for a couple of days, said she got me this huge ass chocolate for me from the National Museum of History. And I'm thinking like "why?". She's being way too nice for someone I just met. She's creepy. Am I making a huge fuss out of this. I mean I still spend a fair amount of money just for the trouble of going to lisbon for a day. I don't think it's worth it. She kinda freaks me out.

nah sounds a little overbearing for my tastes. If you don't like it don't do it dude! You don't have to answer to anyone except your self about what makes you uncomfortable. You could break it off because she's got a stupid name and noone would have the right to give you shit otherwise

[QUOTE=Squidman;49295204]Here's what might happen: 1) "A" follows the advice of the thread title (now outdated) and just fucking asks her out 2) Your intuition is correct and she rejects him, but hopefully without curbstomping the poor man's heart because they are friendly 3) "A" learns the lesson that all creatures who don't jet their sperm out into the atmosphere must learn: that sometimes unrequited feelings stay unrequited and that a female friend in hand is worth two in her bush (??) 4) "A" either confronts the realization that being an alcoholic is not something he should aspire to be, and that self-describing yourself as an alcoholic drives women away faster than a MLP face tattoo, or embraces alcoholism and loses control over his life until you and your mates stage an intervention or something 5) You do what you said what you're going to do because it seems like a good plan put together by a sane individual; you learn her name (it's Jessica) 6) Jessica confesses her feelings to you and also her feelings for alcohol, you rip off her wig only to reveal she was "A" all along TLDR; Let God sort "A" and "B" out, your bud "A" has got to learn the hard truth about the parasitoid wasps and spiders someday. You're a busy man with a lot on your plate and it will really serve your bud well to learn some of life's most crucial lessons, no way to make it any easier. Just be there for him as a friend and he'll get through just fine.[/QUOTE] i guess what you're saying is give him A chance and just let him B

wow so i was just talking to this girl who definitely seemed interested in me at some relaxed houseparty thing, and my good friend just lays on top of me so im unable to speak and asks "wanna go outside" and that was it, im not mad or anything, just wondering how that happend like what the fuck, they were gonna bang but my silly silly friend did not have a condom so at least he was smart enough to not do it without one

[QUOTE=Squidman;49295204]Here's what might happen: 1) "A" follows the advice of the thread title (now outdated) and just fucking asks her out 2) Your intuition is correct and she rejects him, but hopefully without curbstomping the poor man's heart because they are friendly 3) "A" learns the lesson that all creatures who don't jet their sperm out into the atmosphere must learn: that sometimes unrequited feelings stay unrequited and that a female friend in hand is worth two in her bush (??) 4) "A" either confronts the realization that being an alcoholic is not something he should aspire to be, and that self-describing yourself as an alcoholic drives women away faster than a MLP face tattoo, or embraces alcoholism and loses control over his life until you and your mates stage an intervention or something 5) You do what you said what you're going to do because it seems like a good plan put together by a sane individual; you learn her name (it's Jessica) 6) Jessica confesses her feelings to you and also her feelings for alcohol, you rip off her wig only to reveal she was "A" all along TLDR; Let God sort "A" and "B" out, your bud "A" has got to learn the hard truth about the parasitoid wasps and spiders someday. You're a busy man with a lot on your plate and it will really serve your bud well to learn some of life's most crucial lessons, no way to make it any easier. Just be there for him as a friend and he'll get through just fine.[/QUOTE] Thanks for the advice, but ib the end, my roommates got invited to some party so they went there. I think B went as well. I wasn't invited so im just sitting in my dorm, playibg wii games and eating my brownies. Oh well, ill try again after break

[QUOTE=Zar;49297741]wow so i was just talking to this girl who definitely seemed interested in me at some relaxed houseparty thing, and my good friend just lays on top of me so im unable to speak and asks "wanna go outside" and that was it, im not mad or anything, just wondering how that happend like what the fuck, they were gonna bang but my silly silly friend did not have a condom so at least he was smart enough to not do it without one[/QUOTE] doesnt sound like a good friend [editline]12th December 2015[/editline] sounds like he doesnt respect you? [editline]12th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;49290496]do you guys have any advice for fairly small parties when you're hosting? [/QUOTE] just make sure there is plenty of booze and everyone is p much guaranteed to have a good time. maybe have a couple cans before people get there so youre a bit more at ease and can be a rad and welcoming host [editline]12th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=plunger435;49295814]Anyone drinking with friends and calling themselves an alcoholic as a point of pride is probably not actually an alcoholic.[/QUOTE] come across these types of people a fair amount and they really arent alcoholics

Im one of those people and I can tell you for a fact that im not an alcoholic.

It's almost been a month since I ended it with my ex and all I feel is intense regret and loneliness. How I'm feeling right now is ten times worse than the worst moments I had with her. I feel like my life has lost it's meaning. They days just fucking go by and I have created 0 memories since I ended it. It was likely the worst decision I've taken. If I try I maybe can go back with her. I just can't stand how I'm feeling right now. Sorry guys for this, but there's no one else I can talk to.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49305975]You gotta make some personal strifes, man. Things you can only accomplish on your own and that no one can hold you back from. That's how you get true self-satisfaction and get rid of that regret and loneliness, cause you'll be carving your own path with other people as an additive instead of a necessary ingredient. Learn guitar, play a new game, watch a new movie, start a blog on those new games and movies showing your thoughts, go hit up a new restaurant, try something new at an old restaurant, find a new music genre, drive a new road.. even the smallest thing can be an amazing experience. Get out there and discover new experiences, and your day will only be full of excitement. If you sit at home all day doing the same things, you'll feel lonely and bored and wasteful. Everyone feels that way if they never make new experiences. But each of us has the opportunity to change that every morning we wake up, you just have to push yourself and say "I'm going to do something a little different today"[/QUOTE] One thing I wish I could've done when going through rejection pain was just get out and drive somewhere. The other day, my brother wanted me to take him out to get food at midnight, something I never do, and so we did just that. It was a new and strangely enjoyable experience. I found it very memorable.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49305975]You gotta make some personal strifes, man. Things you can only accomplish on your own and that no one can hold you back from. That's how you get true self-satisfaction and get rid of that regret and loneliness, cause you'll be carving your own path with other people as an additive instead of a necessary ingredient. Learn guitar, play a new game, watch a new movie, start a blog on those new games and movies showing your thoughts, go hit up a new restaurant, try something new at an old restaurant, find a new music genre, drive a new road.. even the smallest thing can be an amazing experience. Get out there and discover new experiences, and your day will only be full of excitement. If you sit at home all day doing the same things, you'll feel lonely and bored and wasteful. Everyone feels that way if they never make new experiences. But each of us has the opportunity to change that every morning we wake up, you just have to push yourself and say "I'm going to do something a little different today"[/QUOTE] This might sound silly but I struggle with self-motivation a lot. What I ended up doing was creating a spreadsheet that has a list of weekly and monthly goals to accomplish and a log for each day of the week for me to record anything notable I did each day (like working on Russian or finishing a book). At the end of the week I check off any goals I completed/how many times I did them. Come up with goals - they're personal goals so it doesn't matter if they sound silly to other people. Just figure out what you consider important to your personal development and come up with short-term and long-term goals in order to improve on it.

Friday was a blast up until the end. I knew pretty much everyone who was invited except for one girl which the girl I've posted about a few times here decided to invite. even the two who didn't intend to show up, showed up! didn't show up until pretty late though so they weren't there that long. I think we were 8 in total? got a pretty good impression of the girl I didn't know. at one point I carried her down the stairs to the toilet since she had no idea where it was, and we both just laid down and talked for what felt like ages. eventually the others had to get us since we never came back up. wouldn't mind meeting her again! was a good night until the very end when one of the guests decided to leave. he said he was gonna pick up some things but disappeared for 3 hours. it was obvious what he had done, he had gone off to smoke weed which I had strictly told him not to do long before Friday as he was coming back. didn't want weed used or stored in my house, nor did I want anyone to be affected by it while they were at my place. I don't really care if he smokes outside of that, but smoking and being affected by it at my place is a big no-no. at one point two of the ones who showed up towards the end drove off and sent one of us a message and told us they had seen him at a stoner friend of his. me being drunk, I got incredibly pissed and started yelling, the mood got quite sour. I felt like he had disrespected my wish, that I had been stepped on, and so on. I kinda realized I wasn't able to think rationally since I had been drinking quite a lot and was mad, so I just dropped out of the conversation completely. then I got really sad and broke down crying since I felt bad for him, and then a close friend of mine and him called the cops on him, it was a big mess. lots of feelings that night. since I broke down crying, the girl I've posted about broke down crying as well, which carried on to another guest. decided to tell the guy who had ran off to smoke weed that he wasn't welcome anymore and I haven't talked to him since. he was originally going to stay over but that changed. we were only 4 now though so most people was gone, and the remaining people stayed for the night.

fuck me its just weed

So what? If the host dislikes it then you gotta fucking respect that. I wouldn't want anyone smoking weed at my house, nor having anyone high at my house either.

calling the cops on someone for being high somewhere you dont even know is just embarrassing lol [editline]13th December 2015[/editline] and a waste of police time

Is it weird that I find clinginess to be an attractive quality? I don't have a lot of close friends or busy things going on with my life so if a girl wants to give me attention and know what I'm doing every 3 minutes of the day I'm kinda cool with that...for now at least.

[QUOTE=nox;49308809]Is it weird that I find clingyness to be an attractive quality? I don't have a lot of close friends or busy things going on with my life so if a girl wants to give me attention and know what I'm doing every 3 minutes of the day I'm kinda cool with that...for now at least.[/QUOTE] Nah that's fine fam, better than them never wanting to talk to you lmao

clinginess is cool to a certain extent but there's a huge line where it just becomes obnoxious

To me, clinginess is just the gap in interest that two people have in eachother. If there's enough chemistry and common ground between you to keep the clinginess from just being constant harassment and one-sided conversations then you might be able to embrace the cling, or maybe I'm naive. :v:

Clinginess isn't terrible if you're okay with it. But most people get tired of it really fast.

Anyone ever had trouble debating whether to break it off with a friend? I've known this friend now for getting on four years in February, in that time I think we've grown somewhat close but also in that time she has become long term unemployed and frankly I just can't bear to watch any more. I worry if I tell her I don't want to see her in person for the foreseeable future its just going to completely snap between us and if I just keep declining offers to meet with her she will wise up to it and if I do just break it off with her there is in all certainty no way back. I'm also extremely concerned with her well being post us splitting as she has admitted to me that I'm the only friend she really talks to any more. Its honestly making me feel sick to my stomach thinking about it because she hasn't been a bad friend at all really.