Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

It's pretty hard to research anything human. How can you do a proper scientific research if you can't have a control group?

[QUOTE=GlebGuy;49318344]Can I get a dating site recommendation?[/QUOTE] I use facebook. I don't feel that much comfortable using dating sites because I feel like my intentions are too obvious there. And not just that, Tinder is pretty bad here. Didn't try OkCupid though, and I think I never will. I don't feel comfortable having a dating profile. I usually add people I'm interested in on facebook out of the blue. It may seem creepy and sometimes I don't get accepted (understandably), but when other people accept my friend request, it's a sign that the interest is mutual so I just strike up a conversation. It usually works for me. I'm a good looking guy, my intentions aren't that clear, which adds up to the mystery, and I usually add people with interest or friends in common so I have a nice Ice breaker and people feel at ease because we have the same friends. The worst that can happen is making new friends. But it worked so much lately that I have a girl baking me a cake in order to use "me picking it up" as an excuse for a date with her. I am now scared of my abilities.

Not a bad idea, using Facebook to meet new people like that. I've always seen it as just a way to connect to people I already know. I might have to try that, but yeah I guess some people might think that's a bit odd. They're probably a bit less prone to meet new people anyways.

Can you guys help me out with this one please? I'm really confused and have mixed feelings about this entire thing. I'm gonna give some details first so you know what the hell is up. Last Saturday to Sunday night I was working security on some art thing. Met a woman there, chatted with her as I had nothing better to do than stand around and be security. I'll call her Evelyn and the friend she had with her Chloe, obviously not the real names but it helps me point stuff out here. Later when she came back out I talked with her again, she was really nice and we got a long quite well. I guessed that she was around my age, but when I sarcastically asked if she and her friend were old enough to even drink this alcoholic punch(yes) she pointed out, and to my god damn surprise, she's about mid twenties/late twenties (fyi she also guessed my age correctly when I mentioned I finished my conscript time two weeks ago, 19). She looked fucking amazing, imagine a pure arian woman, she was exactly that. Kind of surprised me really, however I never have been good at guessing how old people are. She took it as a compliment. Due to my focus on doing my job I totally forgot asking her for her name, but this matters little as I found her friend Chloe on Facebook, talked with her and eventually got Evelyn's phone number (She agreed to it). Texted a bit with her and actually called her today in the morning. Had a fun phone conversation and asked her if she had time for coffee sometime, but she works in retail so pre-christmas is hard but she'll give me a heads up, this was said in a positive way before any of you flip their tables and say I'm fucked, people said the same when she took a day to think about if she gives me her number. Sounds all right so far? Well, fuck me. During the phone conversation she mentioned she has a fucking son. A FUCKING SON. I barely kept my composure while I was on the phone with her, but somehow managed it. Do I just let this shit go or actually attempt to date her? [del]I'm not great with kids and sort of hate them.[/del] That sounded wrong. I mean, I'm not the greatest fan of kids, mostly because I don't know how to deal with them.

If you hate kids, don't date her. Her kid deserves better than someone who doesn't care about him. [editline]16th December 2015[/editline] Not that disliking kids is a terrible thing, but going for someone who has a kid when you couldn't care less about them definitely is.

[QUOTE=jonoPorter;49330960]Can you guys help me out with this one please? I'm really confused and have mixed feelings about this entire thing. I'm gonna give some details first so you know what the hell is up. Last Saturday to Sunday night I was working security on some art thing. Met a woman there, chatted with her as I had nothing better to do than stand around and be security. I'll call her Evelyn and the friend she had with her Chloe, obviously not the real names but it helps me point stuff out here. Later when she came back out I talked with her again, she was really nice and we got a long quite well. I guessed that she was around my age, but when I sarcastically asked if she and her friend were old enough to even drink this alcoholic punch(yes) she pointed out, and to my god damn surprise, she's about mid twenties/late twenties (fyi she also guessed my age correctly when I mentioned I finished my conscript time two weeks ago, 19). She looked fucking amazing, imagine a pure arian woman, she was exactly that. Kind of surprised me really, however I never have been good at guessing how old people are. She took it as a compliment. Due to my focus on doing my job I totally forgot asking her for her name, but this matters little as I found her friend Chloe on Facebook, talked with her and eventually got Evelyn's phone number (She agreed to it). Texted a bit with her and actually called her today in the morning. Had a fun phone conversation and asked her if she had time for coffee sometime, but she works in retail so pre-christmas is hard but she'll give me a heads up, this was said in a positive way before any of you flip their tables and say I'm fucked, people said the same when she took a day to think about if she gives me her number. Sounds all right so far? Well, fuck me. During the phone conversation she mentioned she has a fucking son. A FUCKING SON. I barely kept my composure while I was on the phone with her, but somehow managed it. Do I just let this shit go or actually attempt to date her? [del]I'm not great with kids and sort of hate them.[/del] That sounded wrong. I mean, I'm not the greatest fan of kids, mostly because I don't know how to deal with them.[/QUOTE] Speaking as someone who has dated someone with a child, it is quite a tough thing to deal with at first, emotionally, personally and in terms of commitment. I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying think carefully about it. And if you decide you cant deal with it, then it's likely she will be very accepting of that so long as you word it carefully (protip: "I'm not great with kids" isnt the way to say it)

the girl I've posted about here has unfortunately begun realizing that I've liked her which is bad because I've been trying to bury it and turn it off. since she figured out, I've opened up to a few friends about the situation so they know where I stand in this. I have feelings for her, but I don't want to act on them. since everyone apparently knows now and the girl I like has asked a common friend of ours if I do, I decided to fire off a message to her to tell her that I don't want anything to happen between us and that I just want to be friends, which is true, but I still have these feelings. felt like I had to say it since I've noticed a lot of awkwardness between us the past few days. hopefully I've "fixed" that now by saying this stuff to her, but we'll see. meanwhile, another girl I've been interested in for a while (no feelings yet) who I posted about briefly in my initial post about Friday had apparently asked the girl I currently like if it would have been okay if she kissed me that Friday. none of them know that I know, but I don't mind knowing. I just like hearing that since I have some interest towards her as well. I don't know how this will work since my feelings are elsewhere but my interest is there, but I should give it a shot. if we really hit off, maybe I could manage to turn my feelings off for this other girl which would be great.

feeling surprisingly upset about this entire situation. I'm afraid I've ruined our friendship and made things awkward beyond the point of no return. eh, I find it stupid that I'm getting so emotional over this. I need to grow a thicker skin, work with myself, love myself. I can't let other people affect me this much in a negative way

Hey, kind of a long one, so, sorry about that. I don't usually ask for advice like this, or talk to anyone about this kind of stuff really (Which I know is bad) but I think that this is important enough, I really don't want to fuck this up. So, some back story, about 2 years ago now I came out of what had been a really negative relationship, it was basically a year of being happy and then the other 4 were just awful. For a lot of reasons, which I don't think I need to get into, but I'm fine to talk about if I do need to. Anyway, somewhere in that time I got really depressed, isolating myself, developing crazy irrational fears ect. 2 years ago I came to university, at this point I'm still in this relationship which is getting more toxic by the minute, the way I was feeling forced me to stay away from people a lot, but I did make some really good friends in that time. One of them (I bet you couldn't have guessed) was this really cool girl, it wasn't a case of falling for her there and then or anything. We just kind of became pretty good friends (considering I barely talked to anyone the first year). Unfortunately she ended up changing courses and I didn't get to see her a lot after that, this was about half way through first year. Around the end of my first year I broke it off with my long term girlfriend. Bring it forward to last week, about 2 years since I last saw her (the girl I met in 1st year), I meet her whilst getting lunch and we say we'll go get coffee. Now, a little update, my depression got a bit worse in my second year although Im doing my best to get past it. So anyway, we ended up getting coffee yesterday and man, it was seriously good to talk to her again, she made me genuinely [B]want[/B] to smile. Its the first time I've felt that happy in about a year and its also the most comfortable I've felt in a long while as well. While were getting a drink we get to talking about the past few years or so and she brings up that shes not with her boyfriend any more and then basically told me why. As it happens we both had a kind of similarly shit time of 1st and 2nd year. I'm not totally sure what was up with her, weather it was depression or social anxiety and holy shit have I had my fill of those 2 things. I start telling her about how I've been feeling as well and I realize while were talking about this kind of stuff that shes the only person I've talked to about it who I've ever actually wanted to. Shes someone who I (finally) wasn't forced to talk to and shes someone who wanted to talk about it as well. Someone who, it wasn't their job, they weren't just payed to be there, someone who didn't just immediately change the subject. She really wanted to talk. We hang out for pretty much the rest of the day, at one point were in an elevator and shes making a really conscious effort to look in the mirror and change her hair and all that. Firstly, you kind of have to understand that for me to say what I'm about to, it kind of takes a lot, I get really worked up and run loads of situations though my head where something bad happens. Anyway, I look at her and say that she doesn't need to do that, because I think she looks really good and that she doesn't need to worry about it. I'm actually pretty surprised when she smiles and says thank you, as opposed to the hundred other negative things I thought she might do. And I think it was about then or maybe on my walk back home that I realized that I like her a lot. Its something that I haven't felt in probably 4 years now, before now it was mostly just total indifference. Seriously, I'm scared it might sound really fucking creepy, but yesterday was the best day I've had in such a long time. So, my question. I was wondering if, with everything thats happened to the both of us, the depression and all that, would it even be healthy or a good idea for me to ask her out? Also, I don't want to ask her out right away, Id like to talk to her some more, so how do I go about doing that without seeming pushy? I just really don't want to mess up and I realize that all of this probably seems really trivial, but with the way I've been feeling for the past few years, having a day like yesterday is such a weird and rare thing to happen. And I would really appreciate some advice.

My gf and I talked for nearly a week about me biking almost 20 miles to visit her, when I finally did the other day I arrived and she didn't answer the door for like half a minute, though she knew I was just down the road at that point. When she did answer she was just like "Oh, hey, you know you don't have to knock". No hug, no greeting, she also acted distant the entire time we hung out. I just find it strange and unexpected. Maybe she just had a hard day, I don't know.

[QUOTE=nox;49337377]My gf and I talked for nearly a week about me biking almost 20 miles to visit her, when I finally did the other day I arrived and she didn't answer the door for like half a minute, when she did answer she was just like "Oh, hey, you know you don't have to knock". No hug, no greeting, she also acted distant the entire time we hung out. I just find it strange and unexpected. Maybe she just had a hard day, I don't know.[/QUOTE] Sounds like you're reading too far into it.

[QUOTE=plunger435;49337400]Sounds like you're reading too far into it.[/QUOTE] I wasn't expecting her to be waiting outside and jump in my arms or anything, but I feel sorta under-appreciated considering how hard the trip was to get out and see her.

[QUOTE=nox;49337411]I wasn't expecting her to be waiting outside and jump in my arms or anything, but I feel sorta under-appreciated considering how hard the trip was to get out and see her.[/QUOTE] how long you guys been together? how often do you guys see eachother? Was she possibly having a bad day that day?

[QUOTE=Kite_shugo;49337590]how long you guys been together? how often do you guys see eachother? Was she possibly having a bad day that day?[/QUOTE] Just over a month, we've only seen each other twice in person. She owns a car, I don't. She hasn't offered to visit me but is cool with me biking 20 miles out to her.

[QUOTE=nox;49338251]Just over a month, we've only seen each other twice in person. She owns a car, I don't. She hasn't offered to visit me but is cool with me biking 20 miles out to her.[/QUOTE] Yeah that's kind of a red flag if she acts that way after you biking all that way to her and it was the 2nd time she'd seen you in person. But I could be guessing wrong and she's just the type of person that doesn't like to show much affection in a relationship, or possibly she's not good at communicating with you what's really bothering her if she was acting distant the 2nd time you had seen her in person? I'm sorry about that man. Has she only now started acting that way ?

Yeah, I felt kinda weirded out tbh, she's normally very affectionate and close online so it was especially a knock to the head. I'm just going to be distant and not make any plans to visit, if she actually cares she'll take the 30 minute drive to see me, if not, then she probably views me as some sort of convenient attention vending machine.

[QUOTE=_Axel;49282744]I feel like I'm way too paranoid. That girl I was talking about earlier is currently studying in a field which is very demanding. During the holidays we were texting each other pretty much every day but now that class has started again it's way more sparse than it was before. She told me that she tries to refrain from using her phone as much as possible unless she's completely done with her work, otherwise she would end up distracted by it. We're using WhatsApp which is horrible for that kind of thing since you can see whether people have read your message or whether they're online, and she uses it to discuss work-related stuff so I can frequently see her online. Her friends have told me that she rarely texts them as well, and when she does text me she seems interested in the conversation, uses lots of emotes and brings up new topics and questions, so it's not like she wants to ignore me. But I can't help but feel bad when it's been several days since we last chatted. I feel like I still haven't healed from my last breakup, which probably doesn't help. Last time we discussed she said she'd tell me whether she'll be available next Saturday, and I'd like to have her answer soon since I may have other plans this weekend if she isn't.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Me: If you want to, we could spend an hour or two together after class and have a drink ;) Her: I'm really short on time until next weekend! But do you plan on staying near Paris during the holidays?[/QUOTE] So uh, that means I have a date right? Don't want to start on a misunderstanding.

just clarify with her whether it's a date or not it doesn't make you lame or anything

Today was a good day. After school I stayed out for a few hours since me and my friends were having a pretty good conversation about shit, but my phone was out of charge, since my mum doesn't trust electricity and requires everything in the house to be switched off before we go to sleep. My parents are wanting me to get out more so I just assumed they'd be OK with it, so I just stayed out. At about 7PM, I see my dad walking the dog, tell him I'll be out a bit then assume everything is fine. I had a really great chat with my friends, I learnt to not be so paranoid, that no one has any problems with me and learnt some stuff about my friends. Anyway, once I got home, my dad tells me that at about 6pm my mum was wanting to file a fucking missing person report with the police, she posted on Facebook and tagged me in it and had been constantly calling and texting me. My dad laughed it off but I don't know how my mum is going to react.

i gotta get a job, it's killing me being broke and having all the spare time in the world. i need to know what i can do, i'm applying for jobs, i have been for the past 4 months since i got fired from my last one and i'm only hearing back from a few. they never follow through so i'm stuck sitting here emailing resumes and cover letters to every fucking company in this city. i need to get my life back on track and i don't know what more i can do.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49341190]i gotta get a job, it's killing me being broke and having all the spare time in the world. i need to know what i can do, i'm applying for jobs, i have been for the past 4 months since i got fired from my last one and i'm only hearing back from a few. they never follow through so i'm stuck sitting here emailing resumes and cover letters to every fucking company in this city. i need to get my life back on track and i don't know what more i can do.[/QUOTE] Are you able to apply for a job seekers allowance? That helped me when I was unemployed.

i'm on a student allowance, but its barely enough to cover rent. i really need a job theres no other option. when i had a job my life was going perfect then i got fired and it spiraled downwards

This is one of the weirdest things, but for a reason that is totally beyond me, I can't take more than 1 compliment without crying, but not sad crying. I don't have a fucking clue why it happens and it's pretty awkward.

I've been with this new girl for 2 days in a row now, and wow. so far, I feel like we've hit off pretty well. I don't know her too well, but I'm feeling pretty optimistic about this entire thing. feel like we got a pretty good connection, feels really good

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49342216]i'm on a student allowance, but its barely enough to cover rent. i really need a job theres no other option. when i had a job my life was going perfect then i got fired and it spiraled downwards[/QUOTE] Apply for government jobs, they pay pretty well [editline]19th December 2015[/editline] also are you not on rent assist? if not you need to go to your local centrelink and apply

anyone else feel really down even though it's Christmas haven't felt this bad for a while now [editline]19th December 2015[/editline] i've had enough now

[QUOTE=based;49350862]anyone else feel really down even though it's Christmas haven't felt this bad for a while now [editline]19th December 2015[/editline] i've had enough now[/QUOTE] I do, though I suppose its related to circumstance and not much else.

[QUOTE=bdd458;49351053]I do, though I suppose its related to circumstance and not much else.[/QUOTE] what do you mean?

Parents left me behind to go to a friends house that I said I wanted to go to. Thought to myself, okay, maybe I can go out with some friends for a drink later. But when I got home I've been getting nothing but bad vibes, aggressive thoughts and just feeling shit in general. Why do I make it so easy to ruin what could have been a good night. I feel is as if there'a always something to get in the way that I can't fully handle. If I were to go out in this sort of mood I just think I'd get embarrassed/angered so quickly to the point where it's off-putting to other people. Guess I'm staying in, even though I don't really want to.

[B]Long Vent ahoy: [/B] So I think I'm falling really deep into depression for the following reasons: 1) Stopped attending my counseling meetings and currently have no one to give me the professional help I need to follow through. Why did I quit? Counselor stopped caring and taking my issues seriously. Kept interrupting, and I had my last drop when she picked up her phone mid monologue and I picked up my stuff and left and never went back. She emailed me saying she was worried and that she wanted to hear from me, I replied her that now she could use my session time to answer her phone all she wanted. 2) I stopped caring about my degree way too long ago, but kept going at it because, fuck I don't know, pride? Not wanting to disappoint others? Wanting to follow through with every expectations my loved ones deposited on me? I don't really know how to pinpoint it, but my degree has been making me feel miserable for years and I haven't been able to muster the courage to transfer to my town and finish it in a year, and then follow through with my dream philosophy degree. Maybe the fact that I kept enrolling in my university every year despite feeling miserable for doing it lies in the fact that I didn't want to face the fear of the unknown. It was easier to do what I'm already doing than quit and having no idea of what to do next... Or pretty much the fact that I feel pretty good during the summer holidays and then I look back and shrug it off thinking "Nah, I'm just being a pussy, what I need is to study more for it", and then enroll again and bam, every year is the same. It's like I'm in this abusive relationship with my university, but instead of breaking it off I keep coming back hoping I will get better and that it's just my fault for "being lazy". Another thing is the pressure I let myself get into, because of the fact that my current university is more prestigious than the technical institute I'm meaning to transfer to. But when thinking of it, I'd rather get it over with fast the easy way than to finish it when I'm 30 and spend my 20's feeling like shit and crying all over my notebooks. 3) I've been avoiding making decisions about my life for so long that I let everything spiral out of control and have no choice but to bump hard with reality. I should have transferred years ago, but haven't for the previous reasons. I wanted to make my parents proud too, but I'm once again hiding my failures from them and leaving them extremely disappointed once again. Basically I started studying EE in 2009, I lose 2 hours a day in transports which makes working impossible, due to lack of time, therefore I'm completely dependent on my parents. I've been doing this for 6 years now, and am on my 7th enrollment. It's an integrated masters degree which means it's 5 years. But I'm so much behind on it that I'm still into second year (already doing 3rd year subjects) but still, considering I would do everything perfect without failing, it would take me a minimum of 4 years to finish it up. Surely it would land me a good job with great pay, but I don't feel that no good paying job is worth suffering during 11 years in a degree... My idea is to transfer, like I said, that way, since here it's only a 3 year bachelor's degree with optional Master's after it's conclusion, I'd be able to see it through in a year and getting a job parallel to it. But I will only be able to do so in June, so I'm still struggling and making an overwhelming effort in order to get as much equivalences as I can when I transfer. 4) I feel numb, enclosed in myself. I can't go out with friends without having people asking me "are you alright" because I'm always inadvertently thinking about my own shit even when I'm with friends. 5) I've been skipping tests because I've been having terrible results even though I study for them. Last Wednesday I just ran away from a test and drove to a nearby lookout point to just think about my life and while I watch the view and the silence. And lastly 6) When I was there, I texted my ex, to try and vent with her for the sake of old times, and she was as brief as ever with her responses. Asked me what was going on and I told her that I was going through all this shit and felt miserable, told her that one of the main reasons was the fact that she wasn't there for me like in old times when we were friends, and I feel that I don't really have no one there for me. She apologized said that she cared and that she was still my friend and wanted to be there for me, told her that "I wish at least you made it look like so" and she apologized again saying that she feels guilty, but that the idea of being around me was still too traumatic for her and she was afraid it would trigger any bad emotions in her. She told me that she knew that I was hurt from the way she treated me, and the restoration of our friendship would pass through having a conversation about everything, but she didn't want to talk about it at least for now, so she agreed to arrange a time for me to vent and show me her support, but when the day came she invented another excuse and canceled "maybe another time, I'm kinda on my period". Since she doesn't care to ask how I am or any of that, It made me feel even more miserable and I just stopped contacting her for good. On the plus side there are a few things that are bringing me some hope and happiness though. The fact that I'm drumming and my teacher is really encouraging with me. He said that I was learning pretty fast and was impressed at how fast I was making progress and he's talking with some friends now in order to try and find me someone who's selling a good second hand drum kit. He's also impressed at the fact that I'm ambidextrous (I pretty much found out that during practice). Today he told me that he taught at another school near my university and if I want I could go on a couple of classes there for free, since they have better equipment there. I'm seriously considering it. To wrap this testament up, interrupting German classes (something I didn't like doing that much - sorry to all Germans here :v: ) and leaving it for something I'm really passionate about gave me perspective about my life and less fear of making healthy changes. But I still feel lost, I still feel guilty of using my parent's money in my foolish and prideful attempt at impressing them and showing everyone "I can do it" when in fact I can't. Or better: I no longer want to and I just want to get the fuck out of this hell I'm currently living in and feel useful. Work, travel all that, and I'm stuck.