Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Pascall;49361754]Didn't she do this a few weeks ago and you said "I don't want anything to do with her" but you went to meet her anyway and then a few hours later you were back together[/QUOTE] Oh man I forgot about that. I think it is right?

Yes. But that was in September. And I remember your advice to get the fuck out, but I decided to give her another chance. But that's not going to happen this time. Back then we had feelings for each other, now we don't. (at least I'm assuming that). And l gave her the benefit of the doubt because of what l did. Even if I still like her, her lack of consideration for my feelings and all the stuff she hid from me make it impossible for me to consider that. For example, I found out that during the time we broke up and she got casually involved with another guy, even though I told her I made a mistake and wanted to get back, she told a friend of mine that I completely forgot about her and that she got involved with the guy because he looked like my friend. Understandably my friend got so freaked out he just stopped talking to her. I found out about this last month and was shocked. Now, after letting me down slow via text message, completely refusing to talk to me in person about it, she went abroad for a week and I'm 90% sure she fucked a guy from there because she stayed at his place and they had pictures of them all over facebook very close together taking selfies. (So I'm assuming they fucked). So, it doesn't matter how I feel about her. It's a no. Do I want to be with someone who goes fucking other guys when she has a problem with me or sort herself out? No. I don't judge anyone who doesn't have a problem with that, but I don't want someone like that as my partner. Let alone let that be the mother of my children. If in fact she did all I think she did and still refuses to have a conversation with me about her dishonesty it's a fucking no. Sure that I used to treasure this woman for years, she's been a beacon to me, a friend, almost family, and later one of the greatest loves of my life. But she has her issues and It's not my place to lecture her. I just want to know if it's possible for us to have the friendship we used to have, nothing more than that. Also I just think she's just trying to make it up to me by not being able to meet me when I needed to talk last Thursday. So let's see what comes out of it. If it goes bad, I can always get in my car and drive home.

You do you, man, but if you come back saying you're back together, pretty sure that lost its shock value the first time.

I'll tell you all about it when l come back in a few hours. Sit tight.

Can hardly contain my excitement for this tremendous saga to end.

I'm back. Sorry to keep you waiting, it was a short talk but when I got home dinner was waiting and smelling real good so I had to eat. And no, we're not back together. But we didn't talk about "us". She was doing that "extremely easygoing an totally ok to be here act" at the beginning. The purpose of the conversation was for me to vent and my own agenda was seeing if she was still the same person. I talked about my worries and all that, didn't touch any subject related to me and her, she was a little bit condescending at first like "oh, it will get better" or "Everybody goes through that sometimes" but then she noticed by my silence that I wasn't in a big mood for that and she stopped doing that. I talked and she noticed I was a bit emotional about stuff so she started taking it a bit more serious. After that we talked a bit about what we've been doing this time, seems like we both aren't doing that much. However I didn't go in any real detail about my life. I noticed she was looking a lot at me, but I avoided making eye contact to hide the emotional impact the encounter was having on me. We lingered there in silence for a bit kinda glancing at each other and then at the park, and then I told her that it was freezing and asked her if there was anything else she'd like to say. She said no and I pretty much wrapped it all up, said "well then I should be on my way now" and gave her a ride home so she wouldn't have to walk in the cold all the way home. We chatted a bit in the car about her driving classes and when I arrived I said thanks for sparing the time to talk because I knew that seeing me could be a bit tough like she said. "hope it wasn't awkward for you". She said "no, it's ok" and then we kinda lingered for a few seconds in the car, she told me "whatever you decide to do with your life, if you decide to leave, please let me know. I care for you". She kissed my cheek and left. And as I started the engine and drove off, tears started falling down my face. She was either acting friendly and nice or she's become a completely different person. Either way, I'm either not part of her life or she's not the same anymore, or whatever other reason... And that's all I needed to know.

how quickly should I go forward when I know there's a mutual interest? I don't want to go fast, I want to know her better than I do, but I don't want to be too slow either. I've known her since October, though I only met her like twice from October to 11th December (third time I met her at my little party which is when I actually spoke properly with her). I only met her briefly and barely talked with her both of those times until yeah, 11th December. since then, I've met her 3 (4 if you include party) times in person and talked about an hour over the phone the two days we haven't met. shit, I really like her and want to make a move but I don't know how appropriate it is considering we don't know each other that well yet. we really hit off, constantly have something to talk about and so on, I love the connection we've got. I don't want to be too slow, maybe she'll start losing hope herself if I take too much time and move on? I don't know what's normal, I've only been in one relationship in the past and we got together after knowing each other for 10 days. is that normal?

[QUOTE=PredGD;49364066]how quickly should I go forward when I know there's a mutual interest? I don't want to go fast, I want to know her better than I do, but I don't want to be too slow either. I've known her since October, though I only met her like twice from October to 11th December (third time I met her at my little party which is when I actually spoke properly with her). I only met her briefly and barely talked with her both of those times until yeah, 11th December. since then, I've met her 3 (4 if you include party) times in person and talked about an hour over the phone the two days we haven't met. shit, I really like her and want to make a move but I don't know how appropriate it is considering we don't know each other that well yet. we really hit off, constantly have something to talk about and so on, I love the connection we've got. I don't want to be too slow, maybe she'll start losing hope herself if I take too much time and move on? I don't know what's normal, I've only been in one relationship in the past and we got together after knowing each other for 10 days. is that normal?[/QUOTE] Stressing about how quickly you should go forward is something you kinda think about when you're already in a relationship. And the answer there is - there is no actual "speed" for how fast it can go. That's something you talk about as a couple. if you want this girl, then ask her on another date and let her know about your feelings for her. She seems interested in you so, why not. The more you let it keep on going like that the more you sprinkle your "relationship" with uncertainty.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49364164]Stressing about how quickly you should go forward is something you kinda think about when you're already in a relationship. And the answer there is - there is no actual "speed" for how fast it can go. That's something you talk about as a couple. if you want this girl, then ask her on another date and let her know about your feelings for her. She seems interested in you so, why not. The more you let it keep on going like that the more you sprinkle your "relationship" with uncertainty.[/QUOTE] I should probably just make a move I suppose. she has said with her own words to a common friend of ours that she likes me that way, so why not? she even asked for this friends permission to be more than friends with me since we're pretty good friends. though she just got out of a relationship of 4 months not too long ago and she also said she thinks of him some still. maybe I should just forget about that and follow my feelings, then deal with her previous break up if it should arise?

should probs do it quick before you become just friends [editline]21st December 2015[/editline] like its not uncommon to make a move on a girl the first time you meet her, just go for it

[QUOTE=PredGD;49364218]I should probably just make a move I suppose. she has said with her own words to a common friend of ours that she likes me that way, so why not? she even asked for this friends permission to be more than friends with me since we're pretty good friends. though she just got out of a relationship of 4 months not too long ago and she also said she thinks of him some still. maybe I should just forget about that and follow my feelings, then deal with her previous break up if it should arise?[/QUOTE] You're complicating. Go for it. You two had more than time to reach a conclusion about your feelings. now tell her how you feel before she just moves on. Whatever bumps you two find in the road you'll will sort them out when they come.

id say as a rule of thumb by the time youre posting in this thread about something youre probably overthinking it

[QUOTE=PredGD;49364066]how quickly should I go forward when I know there's a mutual interest? I don't want to go fast, I want to know her better than I do, but I don't want to be too slow either. I've known her since October, though I only met her like twice from October to 11th December (third time I met her at my little party which is when I actually spoke properly with her). I only met her briefly and barely talked with her both of those times until yeah, 11th December. since then, I've met her 3 (4 if you include party) times in person and talked about an hour over the phone the two days we haven't met. shit, I really like her and want to make a move but I don't know how appropriate it is considering we don't know each other that well yet. we really hit off, constantly have something to talk about and so on, I love the connection we've got. I don't want to be too slow, maybe she'll start losing hope herself if I take too much time and move on? I don't know what's normal, I've only been in one relationship in the past and we got together after knowing each other for 10 days. is that normal?[/QUOTE] engage move-making directives

So today was nice, completely by accident. Me + 2 friends went in to town to chill for what was supposed to be 4 hours, since 1 friend was meeting someone she met online and was sort of scared. Anyway, this guy ended up cancelling last minute, and in the least dickish way possible, it was actually good. We spent an extra 5 hours out, and had fun. It was nice, for once, to not be around cunt friend after he fell out with most people in our friend group.

think I'm gonna toss her a message tomorrow and ask whats up and if she wants to meet. I already think I know that she's busy, but eh, I'll find out for sure and we can probably plan something anyway for another day. I don't really think love feels good since its rarely mutual in my case and its been so long since I last fell in love to begin with, the last ones must be my ex, the girl I've posted a little about who I wanted nothing with and this one. it feels incredibly good now though, I can't wait to meet her again. I think I'm going to try to set the mood to go for it next time

dont get caught up thinking youre already in love. id say its nigh impossible to be in love with someone youve only met 3 times

yeah if you think you're in love after seeing them 3 times it's pretty much guaranteed to end in tears

[QUOTE=killerteacup;49364866]yeah if you think you're in love after seeing them 3 times it's pretty much guaranteed to end in tears[/QUOTE] that's true, it's far from "love" but it's a lot easier to word. what am I even feeling? infatuation? attraction? either way, feels pretty good

[QUOTE=PredGD;49364916]that's true, it's far from "love" but it's a lot easier to word. what am I even feeling? infatuation? attraction? either way, feels pretty good[/QUOTE] It's a crush. It's something new and exciting, try to enjoy it!

hey you're still alive

Don't put it under the microscope. There is nothing rational about it, and that's where the beauty of it lies. It might not be love but think of it as something with the potential to blossom into it. Now go tell her how you feel.

Can I just ask. Did my post a few pages back not get a reply because it was cringey or weird or? Dunno, didn't want to seem strange by writing what I wrote, but at the same time I would really appreciate some advice.

[QUOTE=Mr cake fingers;49369189]Can I just ask. Did my post a few pages back not get a reply because it was cringey or weird or? Dunno, didn't want to seem strange by writing what I wrote, but at the same time I would really appreciate some advice.[/QUOTE] I'm lazy and don't want to find the conversation, can you repost it?

[QUOTE=roostlicka;49370000]I'm lazy and don't want to find the conversation, can you repost it?[/QUOTE] Hope this link works. I changed some stuff in there just to clarify a few things. [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1482859&p=49335926&viewfull=1#post49335926"]https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1482859&p=49335926&viewfull=1#post49335926[/URL]

[QUOTE=Mr cake fingers;49370086]Hope this link works. I changed some stuff in there just to clarify a few things. [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1482859&p=49335926&viewfull=1#post49335926"]https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1482859&p=49335926&viewfull=1#post49335926[/URL][/QUOTE] Hey, that sounds super exciting! Here are the facts: she is probably interested in you and you are obviously interested in her. That's legitimately all that matters. From there on you can take a couple of steps. There is absolutely nothing wrong in continuing to pursue her given your mental health as long as you are honest (but I would caution against opening up a ridiculous amount about that personal stuff unless she asks). You should ask her out to dinner and pay for it. The only way you're going to get to know if you're compatible is by spending time with her, and you don't need to hide the fact that you're interested (through your actions).

[QUOTE=roostlicka;49370110]Hey, that sounds super exciting! Here are the facts: she is probably interested in you and you are obviously interested in her. That's legitimately all that matters. From there on you can take a couple of steps. There is absolutely nothing wrong in continuing to pursue her given your mental health as long as you are honest (but I would caution against opening up a ridiculous amount about that personal stuff unless she asks). You should ask her out to dinner and pay for it. The only way you're going to get to know if you're compatible is by spending time with her, and you don't need to hide the fact that you're interested (through your actions).[/QUOTE] Yeh, your totally right. I don't have a problem talking to her, so I think I would actually feel confident enough to ask her. :) I think right now my biggest problem is that were both on Christmas holiday (so away from uni) and she's super busy unlike myself, visiting family and making plans. So she doesn't really have a lot of time to talk. I can tell she does want to, but its just the case of me every now and again convincing myself that she doesn't and then I end up worrying about it. So any advice on how to deal with that would be great, we arranged to do stuff, but it will probably happen after the 25th realistically. Also, thanks for thanks for giving me some confidence.

am i the ONLY one that doesn't have a partner this christmas/new year

Had a first date with a girl the day before she went home for the holidays for 2 weeks. She said she really wanted to meet me before she left (we met online). The date was amazing, we kissed and shit, but then of course she left. She said she wanted to hang out when she got back, and that she hopes i dont forget about her. However, I sent her a text message a few days into the vacation and got no response. Should I be freaking the fuck out as any other anxious person would do? (not really freaking out, just want to keep things going) I will not send a double text because that's cray cray. Just wondering. Background info I am in my late 20's and shes in mid 20's

[QUOTE=Glitchman;49370271]Should I be freaking the fuck out as any other anxious person would do? (not really freaking out, just want to keep things going)[/QUOTE] nah just get on with your own life bruv

[QUOTE=Glitchman;49370271]Had a first date with a girl the day before she went home for the holidays for 2 weeks. She said she really wanted to meet me before she left (we met online). The date was amazing, we kissed and shit, but then of course she left. She said she wanted to hang out when she got back, and that she hopes i dont forget about her. However, I sent her a text message a few days into the vacation and got no response. Should I be freaking the fuck out as any other anxious person would do? (not really freaking out, just want to keep things going) I will not send a double text because that's cray cray. Just wondering. Background info I am in my late 20's and shes in mid 20's[/QUOTE] Tell me about it, same girl as last time agreed on a date and asked me when I'd be available, she still haven't answered my response from just before the holidays... Either you stumbled upon an odd one who takes ages before answering texts like I did or she's just busy being with her family and overall enjoying her vacation. Seems unlikely that she's ignoring you if the date went as well as you said.