Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

dated for the second time yesterday a girl who I met at some language courses at the start of the year Everything was doing well until the end, when I leaned in to kiss her and she stopped me with a "no" and a push back. I said "But, I thought that you....the things you said...and so" (trying to smile because due to some past things I just can't handle rejection with grace) and she answered back "no no, I used to like you but now I'm after another guy trying to have a relationship" (Note: I wasn't aware she liked me when we were together at the language course and it wasn't until that another friend of ours said it to me that I noticed it) Basically she told she didn't want to be seen as a slut. Ok, do you have cameras following you around? As we say here, "pasando factura" (writing a bill) for not having tried to make it our with her earlier. Amazing. EDIT: Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying I'm entitled to something. I just hate it when people start giving shitty justifications for their decisions or feelings or just totally unnecessary info that may make the other part feel way worse. Like, it's fine if you don't want to make out with me, it's no the first nor the last time. But saying stuff like "I don't want to be [B][I][U]seen [/U][/I][/B]as slut", "I used to like you -and yet keep talking to me and trying to have a date or see me asap-", "I'm after another guy trying to have a relationship -with a guy she met 3 days ago. With whom she had sex the first night they went out...-"....just say no and that you don't like me. Geez. Guess there's something we all can learn from this. No, I didn't stalk her or talked about that guy, she just told me all that after my "....and so".

So I was on the cusp of asking the girl I mentioned out, and then Lemmy fucking died. R.I.P. Lemmy Kilmister, you fucking date ruining legend.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49413167]So I was on the cusp of asking the girl I mentioned out, and then Lemmy fucking died. R.I.P. Lemmy Kilmister, you fucking date ruining legend.[/QUOTE] To quote the man himself; “I don't do regrets. Regrets are pointless. It's too late for regrets. You've already done it, haven't you? You've lived your life. No point wishing you could change it.” do it

after reading arguments on my facebook on whether thin girls or thick girls are the best and how they're represented as models because of the new french law thing where they're banning models under a certain bmi, i don't think either of those are the best, fit girls are the best they don't have to be muscular or have a six pack but a toned body is like the best nothing is better than a body that says "i try" but i've been noticing this trend where i'm no longer seeing fat shaming(still there, but much less) and rather now i'm seeing skinny shaming with things like "you ain't a real woman if you ain't got nothin but bones" and "Why don't you eat a hamburger"(like i mean that's like straight up admitting that you're unhealthy right there, like why do you [i]want a heart attack/stroke/diabetes[/i]) and i'm just here like "Why don't we shame nobody that sounds like a good plan."

Well, some people aren't entirely capable of doing better. Mental illness and disorder is a very huge cause of obesity or generally unhealthy behavior. It's not always something they don't do just because they don't want to.

i should have said the important part is that nobody should shame each other rather than having fitness being my preference for what a model should look like haha :v: that it shouldn't be the norm for fat or skinny shaming(that i can see slowly approaching to be the norm, atleast on college campuses)

:snip:

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;49414660]but i've been noticing this trend where i'm no longer seeing fat shaming(still there, but much less) and rather now i'm seeing skinny shaming with things like "you ain't a real woman if you ain't got nothin but bones" and "Why don't you eat a hamburger"(like i mean that's like straight up admitting that you're unhealthy right there, like why do you [i]want a heart attack/stroke/diabetes[/i]) and i'm just here like "Why don't we shame nobody that sounds like a good plan."[/QUOTE] Reminds me of a quote from Tina Fey's book. [quote]But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.[/quote]

(its 12am and i just typed out what came out my mind, so this might not make sense) So I've been invited to a party but douche friend and someone I really, really dislike (she's one of those "I hate everyone equally" people), but the thing is I'm very, very rarely invited to parties. So I played a game of CS:GO just now with douche friend and he seemed to be fine, (to add some context: He takes banter way further than it should be, ended up making me just walk out of the 6th form area while doing homework) him and the person who is hosting the party fell out and made up just recently so I'm thinking that he's changed, but then I get worried and don't think he changed and it's just a general loop of that over and over again and I don't want to be in a situation where I can't get out and then I'll start fretting over shit again and then I'll stop going out and then I'll be in the same situation I was 6 months ago. tldr I'm really fucking paranoid about what people say about me and also I don't trust douche friend to not be a douche [editline]30th December 2015[/editline] Do I go to the party? What should I do if I go? [editline]30th December 2015[/editline] Might like to add no one has ever invited me to a party ever before, people only started inviting me places recently

I've read that quote somewhere before actually - really insightful The whole thing with thin shaming is pretty disgusting though - like its an undeniable fact that if you're obese, you're unhealthy and more likely to die really awfully and much sooner than somebody else and yet that simple fact seems to be straight up ignored in favour of 'oh but you're hurting my feelings'. I'm always the first to advocate tolerance but it seems to me like even though noone should shame anyone, if someone has legitimate health problems they should probably work on them

[QUOTE=killerteacup;49415331]I've read that quote somewhere before actually - really insightful The whole thing with thin shaming is pretty disgusting though - like its an undeniable fact that if you're obese, you're unhealthy and more likely to die really awfully and much sooner than somebody else and yet that simple fact seems to be straight up ignored in favour of 'oh but you're hurting my feelings'[/QUOTE] On the other hand, anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental disorder. Neither extreme is good.

[QUOTE=meharryp;49415322](its 12am and i just typed out what came out my mind, so this might not make sense) So I've been invited to a party but douche friend and someone I really, really dislike (she's one of those "I hate everyone equally" people), but the thing is I'm very, very rarely invited to parties. So I played a game of CS:GO just now with douche friend and he seemed to be fine, (to add some context: He takes banter way further than it should be, ended up making me just walk out of the 6th form area while doing homework) him and the person who is hosting the party fell out and made up just recently so I'm thinking that he's changed, but then I get worried and don't think he changed and it's just a general loop of that over and over again and I don't want to be in a situation where I can't get out and then I'll start fretting over shit again and then I'll stop going out and then I'll be in the same situation I was 6 months ago. tldr I'm really fucking paranoid about what people say about me and also I don't trust douche friend to not be a douche [editline]30th December 2015[/editline] Do I go to the party? What should I do if I go? [editline]30th December 2015[/editline] Might like to add no one has ever invited me to a party ever before, people only started inviting me places recently[/QUOTE] go to the party, hang out with the people at the party who aren't those two people [editline]30th December 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49415345]On the other hand, anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental disorder. Neither extreme is good.[/QUOTE] well exactly, and i can't imagine being shamed for having a mental disorder like anorexia is particularly good for the psyche I think people forget that good health should come before anything else in the list of needs and wilfully ignore the need to be healthy, and instead just try and make their body the societal norm, so they don't need to address their issues individually. It's a fear based reaction probably but it's really bad to throw your health problems at the feet of everybody else if you're anorexic and its affecting your health, you should address your body image issues as an individual, not attempt to glamorise it ie kate moss in the nineties/noughties. If you're obese, you should address your health issues instead of glamorising it ie tess holiday

I think a big part of the issue comes down to society having an inaccurate perception of what a healthy body looks like. Female models tend to be extremely underweight and lots of companies alter photos to make them appear even thinner/give them unrealistic proportions. Most people assume that being skinny means you're healthy, but being underweight or overweight are both forms of malnourishment. In theory, societal pressure might be a good source of motivation for people to fix their weight - "fat shaming" often motivates people to eat healthier and change their diets. However, it becomes more harmful than helpful when society's ideas of what it actually means to be fat are misguided and affecting people who are actually physically healthy.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49415412] In theory, societal pressure might be a good source of motivation for people to fix their weight - "fat shaming" often motivates people to eat healthier and change their diets. However, it becomes more harmful than helpful when society's ideas of what it actually means to be fat are misguided and affecting people who are actually physically healthy.[/QUOTE] fat shaming is pretty bad if its abusive though - there's a difference between encouraging people to make positive changes in their life or just shitting on them for being unhealthy. I think the problem is that now, body image activists aren't advocating that thin people make positive changes to their life - instead they're just shitting on them, which has a net negative effect I don't think many people know how to handle societal pressure anymore - historically i suppose that that form of pressure was mostly formed through glamorising role models in the media and advertising and while that still is the main form, i think twitter and the ability to act under an account not linked to your name seems to have formed a huge mob mentality when it comes to issues in society that is a really negative form of enforcement for societal norms

Tbh we need more social pressure towards sensible [I]choices[/I] instead. I don't think people need to be told not to be fat, but they really need to hear they should stop stuffing their face with crap. Preferrably when they are doing exactly that. This happens a shitload at work, and I really wouldn't have it any other way, because being questioned about why you're having a snack will 9 out of 10 times make you feel pretty fucking stupid.

Update: i texted that girl who went on vacation for 2 weeks after our first date. I basically asked if she wanted to grab dinner when she was back in town. She responded by texting almost 2 days later that she was sorry and she has a lot going on at home, and we should touch base when she gets back and that i should have an awesome new years. Now I feel really bad like I was bugging her, but I never sent a double text or anything, and I only sent 2-3 messages in a full week. I'm too fucking paranoid to date. I've only been in longish relationships so dating is shitty and weird to me.

[QUOTE=Glitchman;49416531]Update: i texted that girl who went on vacation for 2 weeks after our first date. I basically asked if she wanted to grab dinner when she was back in town. She responded by texting almost 2 days later that she was sorry and she has a lot going on at home, and we should touch base when she gets back and that i should have an awesome new years. Now I feel really bad like I was bugging her, but I never sent a double text or anything, and I only sent 2-3 messages in a full week. I'm too fucking paranoid to date. I've only been in longish relationships so dating is shitty and weird to me.[/QUOTE] So go have a dope new years and get in touch with her after. She could have easily said no without expressing that she still wanted to touch base when things calmed down.

ill level with you it sounds like she aint interested. i imagine shed find the time if she was

Most people just can't "find the time". Really, I'm sure there are things way more important than a date with a dude you're interesed in that you can easily postpone.

[QUOTE=cricket50;49422720]ill level with you it sounds like she aint interested. i imagine shed find the time if she was[/QUOTE] you're wrong

[QUOTE=cricket50;49422720]ill level with you it sounds like she aint interested. i imagine shed find the time if she was[/QUOTE] What the actual fuck. People have other thing in their lives besides sleep and work/education. They aren't just siting on their ass waiting for something to do. So if someone tells you that they are busy and want to meet up after the holidays, maybe it's because oh i dunno these two weeks are the busiest weeks in the god damn year, and not a shallow lie to avoid someone. Like these weeks I hardly have time to dick my own girlfriend between work, family and friends, and [I]I don't even celebrate Christmas. [/I]

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;49423370]Most people just can't "find the time". Really, I'm sure there are things way more important than a date with a dude you're interesed in that you can easily postpone.[/QUOTE] then you watch their snapchat story of them at home doing jack shit

Obviously they are busy snapchatting. Duh.

Well thank you I guess. All her previous texts have taken a very long time to respond, but she definitely said she wanted to hang out when she got back. So I'm thinking I'm just over analyzing everything as usual. She probably sent that text when she was busy with other things and just wanted me to know we should talk when she gets back. She works as a bartender which seems like something that could be very busy

So uh, odd question How do you respond to someone seriously telling you they like you via text? [editline]1st January 2016[/editline] If you like them back

[QUOTE=meharryp;49431028]So uh, odd question How do you respond to someone seriously telling you they like you via text? [editline]1st January 2016[/editline] If you like them back[/QUOTE] you say that's the best news you've heard for all of 2016 because you like them back would they like to go on a date with you

Fuck it I just winged it

good winging it is better than my suggestion

it absolutely could have been worse than your suggestion tbh what'd you say harry

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49431325]it absolutely could have been worse than your suggestion tbh what'd you say harry[/QUOTE] Well to put it simply: she didn't think that I liked her, I didn't think that she liked me, turns out we both like each other and a date has now been arranged [editline]1st January 2016[/editline] So I guess I did it right