Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49440071]The problem of not trusting your own judgement is because you haven't stopped to think a little about the situation. What's rational and what's coming out as a reaction to fear of losing this person. Remove yourself from that fear. It pretty much means that you're giving this girl a lot of control over your feelings. She was probably getting physical to see if you would play along. But since she felt your discomfort and distance, she backed off. From what l got out of it she waited for you and got nothing from you she just gave up and moved on. Now that she's actually quit being obvious around you, you felt it and it's making you feel uncomfortable. And somehow you seem surprised. I think you've raised this subject before with this girl here and we told you to be honest with her and tell her how you feel. She can't read your mind. And you've been bouncing back and forth between her and someone who you rarely set up your eyes upon. She just gave up. It's frustrating for her. Now you can either tell her how you feel, if you feel anything (there might still be a chance) or else let her go, cause there's nothing we can do to fix a damaged pride here.[/QUOTE] I'm just really confused about this entire thing. first I crush on her, she gets suspicious of it, starts to pull back, I meet a new girl and crush on her, she realizes this, she comes back and awkwardness disappears, and now she's apparently trying to figure out if I like her back since she might like me? I don't understand if that's the case. she has said to me she likes someone else, she talks about him and she doesn't find it comfortable if I seek physical contact. I really doubt she wants anything other than friends which she has also stated to me, but the signals I'm picking up kinda says otherwise. I just think that's how she is, I don't know. that's one thing I'm almost certain I trust my judgement on, and that is it would be unwise to make a move on her. I know that her personality would never work with mine in a relationship and I'd rather not lose her if she doesn't want anything more. I still want things to work with this second girl, but ugh, it's not easy balancing how often I should contact her since I want to see her as often as possible but that doesn't seem to be possible. or in an unlikely scenario which very much could be likely, she is also scared of admitting anything since she believes I like someone else. I have no idea [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] gotta add, I appreciate your thoughts in the matter! I find it helps with my thinking to receive input from another perspective

She was also indecisive at that time and probably thought she could take as much time as she liked because she thought you were just there up for grabs. It's natural for people to do this. I mean, getting together with someone is quite a big deal, and you want to be sure. From my point of view, what I interpret out of the situation is that she started realizing she actually liked you, the moment she got aware that she could lose you for another woman, and probably realized what it could imply by experiencing that fear. I think you should talk to her about it. There's nothing more relieving than breaking the ice with someone. It won't be awkward. I mean she's not stupid, she gave you permission for a lot of physical contact. I think she'll have something to say as well. But then again. It could be something else. It could be because she probably though that you're already on the prowl for another person and decided to go "what the hell, we're probably friends now so". I met people like this before. But now I'm the one over analyzing the situation. There's only one thing to know for sure. It's to talk to her about it. If you have feelings for her, let her know.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49440471]She was also indecisive at that time and probably thought she could take as much time as she liked because she thought you were just there up for grabs. It's natural for people to do this. I mean, getting together with someone is quite a big deal, and you want to be sure. From my point of view, what I interpret out of the situation is that she started realizing she actually liked you, the moment she got aware that she could lose you for another woman, and probably realized what it could imply by experiencing that fear. I think you should talk to her about it. There's nothing more relieving than breaking the ice with someone. It won't be awkward. I mean she's not stupid, she gave you permission for a lot of physical contact. I think she'll have something to say as well. But then again. It could be something else. It could be because she probably though that you're already on the prowl for another person and decided to go "what the hell, we're probably friends now so". I met people like this before. But now I'm the one over analyzing the situation. There's only one thing to know for sure. It's to talk to her about it. If you have feelings for her, let her know.[/QUOTE] it seems risky though. I don't remember if I mentioned this, but the girl who likes me back also happens to be the best friend of the girl who has slept over the past 6 days. if I open up to her and the response is negative, that'll most definitely spread to the one who likes me. not only do I risk losing one of them, but I risk losing both. I have no idea if it's possible, but I assume it is, but I'm feeling an attraction to both of them at the same time, or maybe I'm just really unsure where I want to be. I have no idea if it's a douche thing to do, but I think I want to leave my friend on the backburner in terms of feelings and see what happens with this other girl who I know likes me. I like her too, I'm just not 100% sure if it's her or this other girl I'd want to have around yet. I don't want to fuck up two relations at once which might happen if I ask my friend about all of this, so it feels much safer to begin with the other one [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] huh, she deleted a picture of us two on facebook with a happy new year caption. this doesn't help with the over thinking [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] I think you have a point to be honest. I think she might be a little confused herself the more I think about it. maybe she's in a somewhat similar situation to me, she likes another guy but at the same time is really confused about me, just like I am with another girl and her. I notice I tend to mention the girl who likes me a lot to her, probably as a way to convince both myself and her that the focus is somewhere else, and she does the same to me with this guy. of course I don't know the inner workings of her head so its all speculation, I should probably just ask

[QUOTE=PredGD;49439583]its just that the girl I posted about isn't the girl I want to ask out, she's the one it would be terrible to form a relationship with. the girl I actually want to ask out keeps disappearing. on christmas eve, she suddenly disappeared for 4 days until she popped up again. we had to eventually contact her parents just to get in contact with her. then our common friend (who happens to be the girl I posted about) sent her a message saying I was confused over her feelings for me without me knowing about it before sending, but she replied saying that she just had a rough period, that she wasn't herself and that she liked me a lot in that way still. so the next day, I asked how she was feeling (tuesday this week) and if she wanted to hang out with us. she wasn't feeling well after her short isolation, so she said no. then I didn't speak with her until new years eve, wished her a happy new year, and now she has been gone for over a day again. I asked yesterday if she wanted to do something, but she never came online. sent a message today that it would be great if she could send me a message once she sees mine since I wanted to hang out with her and felt that it was ages since last time. its 2 weeks tomorrow since I last saw her and it's not easy to hang out with her since she has been busy when I've asked and the other times she just hasn't been available to read my messages since she's isolating herself.[/QUOTE] So she probably wouldn't want to go out on a date. It just sounds like that girl would also be terrible to form a relationship with. You're really overthinking this, and it seems like you think she HAS to talk to you. Like what the fuck, she disapeared? Maybe she was [B]busy[/B]? You contacted her parents because she didn't answer you during christmas? Dude what. All this talk about feelings and how people just like eachother is pointless if she doesn't want to date you. All these words mean fuck all without action. And again god fucking damnit, you too, the last two weeks were [I]fucking christmas[/I], not everyone wants to watch their social media like a hawk during that time. If you always bug her like this you're probably a really, really bad option for her. [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;49439917]I don't think I'm stressed, I don't feel stressed, I just feel this need to have an overview of my relations to others and I don't trust my own judgement so I end up posting a lot of details to hopefully get a good answer to my situation. I feel its nice to hear other opinions before I go on with anything I don't think taking a breath would really help since in the end, I'm still pretty clueless as to what I think would be the best decision to make[/QUOTE] You sound really insecure and stressed out, and you're doing some pretty advanced mental gymnastics by jumping to all these conclusions. It's ok to ge tstressed out by this, but just being in denial wont get you anywhere. Stop thinking about "crushing", because you're not helping yourself at all. If you think little contact in two weeks will make it die out completely then i tprobably wasn't that special after all. And if you can't respect her time alone you're just showing her what a bad match you two are.

Then don't tell the girl l was talking about how you feel, nor touch any subject related to being interested in someone else. But either way. If you'd really like to know, the only way is asking her about it. I mean what kind of friend stops being your friend just because you asked her if there was something going on? It's just for the sake of clearing things up. But if it doesn't matter now and you're pursuing another girl then forget about the old one. There's no point keeping someone on the hook. [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] However there's something you'd want to take notice. You only started to stress out about the first one once she started backing off. Does this really mean you genuinely like her?

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;49440689]So she probably wouldn't want to go out on a date. It just sounds like that girl would also be terrible to form a relationship with. You're really overthinking this, and it seems like you think she HAS to talk to you. Like what the fuck, she disapeared? Maybe she was [B]busy[/B]? You contacted her parents because she didn't answer you during christmas? Dude what. All this talk about feelings and how people just like eachother is pointless if she doesn't want to date you. All these words mean fuck all without action. And again god fucking damnit, you too, the last two weeks were [I]fucking christmas[/I], not everyone wants to watch their social media like a hawk during that time. If you always bug her like this you're probably a really, really bad option for her. [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] You sound really insecure and stressed out, and you're doing some pretty advanced mental gymnastics by jumping to all these conclusions. It's ok to ge tstressed out by this, but just being in denial wont get you anywhere. Stop thinking about "crushing", because you're not helping yourself at all. If you think little contact in two weeks will make it die out completely then i tprobably wasn't that special after all. And if you can't respect her time alone you're just showing her what a bad match you two are.[/QUOTE] I'm not under the impression that she has to talk to me, why would she have to do that, I just wish she did so I would have some more signals to read so I could learn where I have her. regarding christmas, I spoke to our friend about it and she was the one who told me something might be wrong since it was abnormal of her to disappear like that. that's why she, with me, contacted her parent to ensure everything was okay. what we learnt was that she had experienced a panic attack on xmas and gone down a very depressive hole for 5 days, completely isolating herself from everyone. is it not nice to have friends who care about you and ensure you are okay when you're not capable of reaching out on your own? I would never have contacted her the way I did if our friend never said anything since I don't know her well enough to see the signs of struggle I know there's a lot of talk which is why I'm trying to act, but as you said too, it has been christmas which is why I understand it has been difficult to meet her and is also the reason I've hesitated a lot with asking her out. I have asked a total of 3 times over the span of 2 weeks, perhaps a little close to each other, but I wouldn't say I'm bugging her to an extent where it might become uncomfortable for her? I am pretty insecure about social relations, that's true. which is probably why I'm thinking so much and analyzing as much as I do to hopefully get a more complete picture of it all so I can feel more secure about them, but it's not helping that much. I'd say I respect her time alone, it's just that I wish we'd meet more often. [QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49440731]Then don't tell the girl l was talking about how you feel, nor touch any subject related to being interested in someone else. But either way. If you'd really like to know, the only way is asking her about it. I mean what kind of friend stops being your friend just because you asked her if there was something going on? It's just for the sake of clearing things up. But if it doesn't matter now and you're pursuing another girl then forget about the old one. There's no point keeping someone on the hook. [editline]2nd January 2016[/editline] However there's something you'd want to take notice. You only started to stress out about the first one once she started backing off. Does this really mean you genuinely like her?[/QUOTE] I think that's the best idea, to just not open up about it at all until I've made up my mind to make sure I don't lose both at once. if things don't work out between this girl and me, I suppose I'll ask this other girl at some point, but I'll take that if it happens. who knows if this attraction will even be there at that point. I'm really, really unsure where my feelings lie right now. I feel more comfortable around the one who likes me back, but there's something about this other girl that's very appealing you could say? maybe I do like her, I need time to figure that out

Go with the one that doesn't have panic attacks, jesus christ. I would help my girlfriend or a close friend if they suddenly had panic attacks, but when someone has deep emotional issues like that there's no reason to pursue a relationship with them instead of just helping them. Or perhaps don't try for a relationship right now, because it really looks like you have other things to work on.

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;49440885]Go with the one that doesn't have panic attacks, jesus christ. I would help my girlfriend or a close friend if they suddenly had panic attacks, but when someone has deep emotional issues like that there's no reason to pursue a relationship with them instead of just helping them. Or perhaps don't try for a relationship right now, because it really looks like you have other things to work on.[/QUOTE] I don't think its a common occurrence according to our friend, but I do know she has a few issues she is currently working on. I feel like I need to get to know her better before I make the judgement of what I want with her, if there's too many problems or not enough to be a problem, I have no idea yet. she seems fairly stable but my impression is that she can have slip ups. I see what you mean, but I feel like it might be a good idea to also enter a relationship given the chance. I haven't actively been looking for it, but she popped up and now I want it. its no guarantee that it'll last, but its going to be an experience which in my book, will always help in a positive way in the end

I think your main problem, at least from what I got out of what happened, is that your indecision and inconstant set of mind about her(the first girl), made her really confused and frustrated, so she backed off. And that's what your problem is, I think. All your overthinking is leading to to act inconsistently with both of these girls, and leading you to so much indecision and confusion. And with all the dust it lifted, you're not being able to distinguish fact from fear and insecurity. You're probably stressing about this so much that you might talking to a lot of people about it, and now there's so much white noise from every one that you forgot about to think about what you REALLY want, or if you're just pressuring yourself to do something out of the sake of not wasting an opportunity, instead of asking yourself if any of these girls are actually worth all that inner conflict to begin with. Patience is a virtue. And these two girls need to get down from the pedestal. They're just girls. Not THE girls.

A very good advice: Never tell her you love her untill you're in an actual relationship.

I'm so nervous about meeting the girl I asked out tomorrow, I'm already good friends with her but it ended up turning out that we both like each other but didn't think the other would like us back (that made sense, right?) and I really don't want to fuck up and make things awkward.

[QUOTE=meharryp;49442420]I'm so nervous about meeting the girl I asked out tomorrow, I'm already good friends with her but it ended up turning out that we both like each other but didn't think the other would like us back (that made sense, right?) and [B]I really don't want to fuck up and make things awkward.[/B][/QUOTE] That is the exact reason why you will fuck up, because you think about it. She don't want you to act perfect, she wants you to be yourself. And if it seems she don't like your personality then go for another girl, because why be with somebody if you can't be yourself with her. In a date it's fine to be like a 'friend' so do whatever you like. And remember that she might feel nervous about it herself.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;49439986]I think if you go into this expecting anything more than platonic, you're 99% likely to come out disappointed. I mean there are all kinds of implications she could leave in the air in asking you to share a room with her, but mentioning that you'll have separate beds and all that shoots those implications down. At least that's how it looks to me. Don't spend a bunch of money on a plane ticket unless you're totally fine with a friends-only visit. Don't go pre-emptively convincing yourself it'd be more.[/QUOTE] I'm not expecting it, but I was just asking to get some answers. I'm fine if its otherwise, I can live with that. She's a good friend of mine. I'm already traveling at the moment, so its not too much harm done

-snip, didn't refresh for a while-

Aaaand she cancelled, said she didn't sleep and was really tired or something and said to arrange another time.

Did you suggest some alternative dates? [editline]3rd January 2016[/editline] Tbh I cancel a lot of things when I don't sleep enough because I'd rather not go out and be a cranky asshole, so I imagine some people might be similar. Gotta get good sleep...

[QUOTE=PredGD;49440951]I don't think its a common occurrence according to our friend, but I do know she has a few issues she is currently working on. I feel like I need to get to know her better before I make the judgement of what I want with her, if there's too many problems or not enough to be a problem, I have no idea yet. she seems fairly stable but my impression is that she can have slip ups. I see what you mean, but I feel like it might be a good idea to also enter a relationship given the chance. I haven't actively been looking for it, but she popped up and now I want it. its no guarantee that it'll last, but its going to be an experience which in my book, will always help in a positive way in the end[/QUOTE] Is there a reason you only talk to her on facebook and don't text? I feel like that would be a next step before even thinking about her becoming a GF. Also, in my experience if it takes that long for someone to reply without an explanation then it typically demonstrates that they are not interested. Constantly messaging them when they don't reply also signifies neediness on your part which isn't an attractive trait in any gender. I agree with your last point. Experience is the number one priority if you don't have any. My first LTR ended in flames and a shattered heart (mine) but I don't regret a single second of it. It taught me innumerable things about sex, women and most importantly myself. Anyways, why don't you go meet some other girls? Even just as friends. Go out to food or coffee and get to know them. Worst case, you never see them again. Better case, you got a female friend. [QUOTE=Behemoth_PT] You're probably stressing about this so much that you might talking to a lot of people about it, and now there's so much white noise from every one that you forgot about to think about what you REALLY want, or if you're just pressuring yourself to do something out of the sake of not wasting an opportunity, instead of asking yourself if any of these girls are actually worth all that inner conflict to begin with. Patience is a virtue. And these two girls need to get down from the pedestal. They're just girls. Not THE girls.[/QUOTE] ^^^^ I just want to highlight what Behemoth_PT said. I agree 100%. [editline]3rd January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=The bird Man;49442570]That is the exact reason why you will fuck up, because you think about it. She don't want you to act perfect, she wants you to be yourself. And if it seems she don't like your personality then go for another girl, because why be with somebody if you can't be yourself with her. In a date it's fine to be like a 'friend' so do whatever you like. And remember that she might feel nervous about it herself.[/QUOTE] Exactly. It's like fuckin Zen Buddhism. You can't allow your desired outcome affect your mindstate by constantly whispering "Don't fuck up!" Outcome independence. Even better, make your desired outcome to have fun! And then it doesn't matter how she reacts, or whether she likes you as long as you had a good time!

What happened? Why do you say that?

So I matched with a girl on Tinder today and I've been speaking to her and I just have no clue what to do next. Do I ask her out somewhere or leave it a bit or something entirely different? Help plox

Just ask her out somewhere. Pretty easy.

[QUOTE=Yahnich;49449256]she just sort of stopped saying pet names or acknowledging anything relationship wise like me saying i miss her and stuff; texting feels more like an exercise in politeness now[/QUOTE] Yeah, I know how it is. Well at least you're acknowledging it.

[QUOTE=Britain;49449304]So I matched with a girl on Tinder today and I've been speaking to her and I just have no clue what to do next. Do I ask her out somewhere or leave it a bit or something entirely different? Help plox[/QUOTE] Next step is to get her number. As long as you chat on tinder nothing is gonna happen. So, make your first focus getting the number. You can hint or mention you two going and doing something fun together, playing it like she would have to give you her number before any of that happens. Flirt with her and tease her. Don't make it a big deal. It can be as simple as saying. > yo, we should grab drinks at X / get a coffee at Y > yea, that sounds fun! > aight, send me your number so we can coordinate a time.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49447256]Did you suggest some alternative dates? [editline]3rd January 2016[/editline] Tbh I cancel a lot of things when I don't sleep enough because I'd rather not go out and be a cranky asshole, so I imagine some people might be similar. Gotta get good sleep...[/QUOTE] I thought I'd ask her again when I next see her (Tuesday/Wednesday) in person since last time was through text at like 4am in the morning after a party.

What's the best places to go to during dates. The cinema is pretty bland because there's no conversation except on the dinner before or after. [editline]4th January 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=meharryp;49452599]I thought I'd ask her again when I next see her (Tuesday/Wednesday) in person since last time was through text at like 4am in the morning after a party.[/QUOTE] Remember that a lot of girls like to control you and have your full attention. If I were you I wouldn't wait for her to tell you when, and where the next time is going to be. Be straight up and tell her yourself. If she says friday you say tuesday, and so on. She may say she's going to a meeting or having a meetup with her friend(s), and that's [B]not[/B] because she don't like you, remember that. Mark your ground, and be solid. From my experience they seem to like it when the guy makes the descisions, because they don't like options.

That's a fucking terrible idea.

Worked for me.

People on tinder and their talking casually about things until they need weed and want a male friend to buy stuff from you despite never having met you before... It's almost like that's the only genuine interest. Whyyyyyy

[QUOTE=Banandana;49455240]People on tinder and their talking casually about things until they need weed and want a male friend to buy stuff from you despite never having met you before... It's almost like that's the only genuine interest. Whyyyyyy[/QUOTE] I recommend okcupid over tinder if you're actually looking for something that could go somewhere imo; got a relationship from it for about 4 and a half months now and it's been nothing but great. Lurked on okcupid about a year non-seriously checking it out at work from time to time and it just happened after I re vamped my profile with better pics and etc

[QUOTE=The bird Man;49454451]What's the best places to go to during dates. The cinema is pretty bland because there's no conversation except on the dinner before or after. [editline]4th January 2016[/editline] Remember that a lot of girls like to control you and have your full attention. If I were you I wouldn't wait for her to tell you when, and where the next time is going to be. Be straight up and tell her yourself. If she says friday you say tuesday, and so on. She may say she's going to a meeting or having a meetup with her friend(s), and that's [B]not[/B] because she don't like you, remember that. Mark your ground, and be solid. From my experience they seem to like it when the guy makes the descisions, because they don't like options.[/QUOTE] Do a movie and get dinner AFTER the movie, that way if the conversation is slow you can just talk about the movie instead.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;49454451]words[/QUOTE] You got the complete wrong point of my post, I was just replying to someone about rearranging on someone who cancelled lol